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Never in her life has Marry Kozakura felt like such a creep.
It's the middle of the night in the Kisaragi estate and here she is, tip toeing around like a burglar hoping to not get caught by the homeowners. Or perhaps like a child trying not to wake their parents up as they sneak to the kitchen to plunder some late night snacks. Considering her youthful appearance, an outsider looking in might be naturally drawn to that conclusion.
If only that's all this was. Then maybe this knot of anxiety and dread taking up residence in her stomach wouldn't be so bad.
No, what she was after, at least in her mind, was so much more invasive and disrespectful. There's no beating around the bush on this: She's going to violate one of her oldest friend's boundaries and privacy. She knows what she's about to do is wrong. That if Shintaro sat her down and scolded her as if she were one of his misbehaving grandchildren, he would have every right to do so and she would accept every moment of the tongue lashing with her head hanged low, knowing she deserved it.
Yet…Marry pressed on. She had, no needed, to speak with that which lived inside Shintaro Kisaragi's head. This conversation was a long time coming and she couldn't afford to put it off any longer. Just…She didn't want Shintaro to be awake for what she had to ask of her. If he knew, she would not be able to look him in the eyes anymore…
Reaching the door to the master bedroom, Marry steeled herself with a deep, shuddering breath before slowly turning the knob and pushing the door so carefully as to not make any noise. She quietly stepped into the room she knew so well, one foot at a time and took a quick look around their bedroom. Everything was still neat and tidy as it was earlier in the day with the only source of light in the room being the moonlight pouring in from the windows. The moon bore witness to Marry's intrusion as she silently crept further into the room. Pictures of the gang, their children and grandchildren that adorned the walls all stared down at her in silent judgment as she grew closer to the two entwined figures on the bed in the center of the room slept soundly.
Marry stood at the side of their bed, a small smile forming on her face as Ayano and Shintaro Kisaragi held each other in warm embrace. Ayano's hand laid on his stomach head rested on Shintaro's chest, her face obscured by her long gray hair. Shintaro's arm was wrapped across her shoulder as his hand rested on top of hers, a smile stretched across his wrinkled face. Marry found it absolutely adorable how in love these two still were even after all this time. It was so lovely…Her heart felt so full watching them…
It only made her feel all the more guilty for what she's about to do.
She sighed quietly as she knelt down on her knees on the side of the bed closest to Shintaro, staring at him with her bright red eyes. Shame weighed her conscience down as she interrupted these old lovebirds, placing her hands on his cheeks as she turned him to face her. Once he was 'looking' at her, her delicate fingers moved up to his eye, gently prying it open so she can look into his eye with her own.
Here goes…
Swallowing a lump, Marry opened her mouth to speak, muttering in as low a voice that could still be loosely defined as audible, "Hey um…We need to talk. Please."
She waited. No response.
Of course there wouldn't be a response. She lives inside of that head of his. It's not like she can possess him like he who shall not be named can and yap away with Shintaro's mouth. She wasn't expecting her to do anything really. She just…needed to do the equivalent of knocking on her door before entering so to speak.
Once enough time had past as she thought was polite, Marry's eyes glowed as she used the power that always made her heart ache with grief and intense longing for her dearly departed every time she used it:
"Stealing Eyes…"
A beat passed. It seemed like nothing would happen at first until…
"…Fine then. Come on in. Let us converse, your majesty."
A voice, a weary sigh filled with years of memories, echoed inside the mind of the Queen of Snake's as her Stealing Eyes brought her the reply she had hoped for.
Although, Marry wondered what she meant by 'Come on in'. She's already here-
Then darkness filled the edges of her vision before all that she could see was black.
Marry blinked, a gasp escaping her lips as she suddenly found herself no longer in Shintaro's and Ayano's bedroom.
No, indeed, she no longer found herself in a bedroom at all. Now, she stood in the middle of what looked to be an old classroom. A sea of desks laid out before her in neat, structured rows as flower vases with white chrysanthemums stood atop each desk in mournful vigil. The wind blew softly through the open windows, curtains billowing in the breeze, as the old classroom rested in the perpetual rays of the setting summer sun.
"Where…? How? Is this…?" She wondered aloud, her head on a swivel as she looked around the classroom.
"It's not what you're thinking of. Not exactly at least."
An unexpected voice cut through Marry's confusion, startling her and making her jump. She spun around, turning to face the familiar girl standing at the window who was not there just a second ago. The desk closest to this girl and the neighboring desk had been adjusted without her noticing as well as they were now facing one another, disturbing the neat and tidy rows from before.
"I suppose you could say it's my home. Or the mind palace of Shintaro Kisaragi. Either one would be correct," The familiar girl went on to explain, ignoring the surprised expression on Marry's face, "I thought this setting would be more productive to a fruitful discussion between Queen and vassal. Much better than staring straight into my host's wrinkled drooling face for who knows how long. Would you not agree?"
"I…I guess…"
Ah wait…Now she's getting it. Yaki must be projecting this mind space into her head through Stealing Eyes. Physically, she's still kneeling besides Shintaro's side of the bed but mentally they're here together in this space.
Hmm. Yeah…Even though she's never actually attended a classroom like this, she did feel more at ease here…
"Excellent. Shall we get started then, my Queen? I wish to hurry this along so I may yet still have time to indulge myself in his dreams." The girl took her seat by the window, leaning back and draping her arm across the headrest of the chair like some kind of middle school delinquent as she gestured to the other chair with a nod of her head, "That sentimental old fool of mine is dreaming about Momo Kisaragi's last big concert again."
"Oh? That sounds wonderful."
"It is."
This is actually her first time seeing her. They've talked before and Shintaro has described what she looked like long ago but…Now that she sees her for herself, she's really taken aback by her appearance. A wave of nostalgia hits the Queen as she waddled over to the offered seat, sitting down across from her host and staring directly into her eyes.
Before her now sat the Snake of Retaining Eyes, or Yaki for short as they so affectionately called her. She was the spitting image of Ayano Tateyama. Not the married, tiny old woman that Ayano Kisaragi had gracefully grown into but the Ayano of those fateful summer days from so long ago. Young, dazzling and so very beautiful with that silky, long black hair and radiant beauty. She even wore Ayano's old school uniform just with her favorite red scarf missing. However, as strikingly similar as she appeared to be, there were also notable key differences between them that were easy to notice. Patches of snake scales covered her cheeks and along the length of her neck. The irises of her eyes were did not have roundness to them that human irises had rather they were shaped like slits. Exactly like that of a snake's. The most apparent and important difference between the two Ayanos, for Marry, were that Yaki's eyes lacked the same warmth behind them. Her eyes were harsher, colder and piercing. The kind of eyes that can peer through one's very soul.
"Planning on saying something or you do you prefer to stare at me for the remainder of the night, my queen?"
Marry blinked before quickly apologizing, "S-Sorry! It's just…Seeing your face, I was reminded of Ayano and uh other stuff…" She pressed her fingers together shyly as those harsh eyes held her under the microscope, making her shrink in her seat.
"Hmm. That so?"
So came Yaki's impassive response as she switched to staring at her nails like that was somehow more interesting to her than the Queen before her. Her bored expression practically screaming 'this is such a bother'.
Marry huffed inwardly, doing her best to hide her annoyance from the girl across her. No, not like Ayano at all! So much meaner! Ayano would be far more patient and understanding of her little social oddities. Yaki barely seemed to tolerate her presence here!
Burying her annoyance, Marry cleared her throat before speaking again, "So uh…I wanted to talk to you."
"Yes. We have established that, your majesty. What is your desire?"
"Well, uh…H-How are you?" She offered a sheepish smile but an annoyed click of Yaki's tongue froze her in place.
"Do not waste my time."
Yaki's curt, bitting reply felt like a dagger had been plunged into Marry's heart. The frigid glare she wore when her head pivoted from her nails to Marry plunged that dagger in further.
"My queen, let's not be coy. You did not creep around in the middle of the night and sneak into their room for simple idle chit-chat with me," Yaki continued, staring hard at the girl across from her who was shrinking into her seat, "If that was your aim, you could have simply done so at anytime. However, you sought me out specifically when my host was sleeping so he could not interfere. Why?"
For a second, Yaki side eyed a particular spot in the room before her eyes beheld the Queen once more.
"Speak clearly now."
"…"
Marry didn't speak at first. Her eyes found themselves staring at her lap, her hands grabbing at her dress as fear and anxiety had a stranglehold on her heart, threatening to crush it.It's not that she's afraid of Yaki herself or even if she raised her voice at her. What really got her so worked up, what made her so afraid, is…
"I will not coddle you like Ayano Kisaragi or the others once did, my Queen," Yaki warned as she slowly got up from her seat, "If you will not speak, we are-"
"Come with me," came the quiet reply that used all of her courage to utter.
Her biggest fear, the thing that made her so filled with anxiety, has always been rejection…
Yaki's eyes narrowed at the little queen who still would not look up at her. In that moment, the snake of Retaining Eyes felt the sensation of cold water being poured down her back.
"Repeat that for me." Yaki slowly sat back down in her seat, eyeing Marry carefully.
"Come…with me." Marry repeated as she lifted her head back up to meet Yaki's eyes, finding her well of courage she had within. A little more forcefully, she repeated again: "C-Come with me!"
Silence. A silence so oppressive that one could hear a pin drop even in this mental world. For a long time, nothing was said as these two beings stared at each other in this old classroom. The tension so thick that one could cut at it with a knife.
Finally, after who knows how long, Yaki was the one to break the silence, her mouth opening to destroy this uneasy ceasefire of words with only one word of her own: "Why?"
Marry gulped, being the first to break eye contact as the snake glowered at her, "B-Because…I…Need you…I need you!"
"You…need me? For what? Do you realize what you are asking me to do?" Yaki hissed with teeth bared as her expression contorted into one of rising anger, "Ah. Now I see why you wish to converse while he slept. Your majesty, you do understand what would happen if I were to join with you, yes? My Shintaro Kisaragi would-"
"S-Stop! J-Just hold on, please!" Marry interrupted, shooting her hands up defensively as if to placate the enraged snake, "Th-That's not…exactly what I'm asking of you. I-I know that if you left him now, he would-"
"Die."
Marry winced at her bluntness, "Y-Yes…That. That's not I want. Not at all…"
Yaki huffed, simmering down a tad, "Then what 'exactly' is your wish? What could you possibly want me for?"
"…It's just us left, you know…" Marry began after a long pause, the weariness and grief clearly evident on her pained expression. For once, this seemingly young girl truly looked her true age, "Ayano, Shintaro and I. That's all that's left of our wonderful gang of misfits. Our family…But not even that will last soon…"
Yaki crossed her arms, listening intently as Marry worked up the courage to speak more.
"Ever since K-Kousuke passed…" Her voice grew hitched, almost overwhelmed with emotion as his name left her lips, "I've been living with, and doing my best to take care of, Ayano and Shintaro. I'm so very grateful that they took me in so I wouldn't be alone in my sorrow. I truly am. It's just…I'm reminded every day of how old they are, how young I still am and that one day soon…They'll be gone too and all that will be left is…pitiful old me."
"A long time ago, I said that I needn't fear the future anymore and I really did mean that back then. I promised that I would keep my eyes forward. Now that that future is here though, I'm still terrified after all," Marry continued, her words coated with a deep sadness as she internally cursed her own fatal weakness, "I don't…I never want to go back on my word. I never want to give in to my weakness again, my despair, and bring him back."
Yaki tensed at that.
"Th-That's why I need you!" Marry quickly said, a little too loudly, once she noticed her reaction, "I don't…want to be left alone when they're gone. The other snakes inside me…They're not like you. They don't…really talk to me like you could. A-And you're-"
The word that was about to leave her lips was 'mine'. Which is true. The other snakes were created by her Grandmother ages ago. All of them were born of Azami's wishes…but not Yaki. Yaki was Marry's creation. A wish born between the Marry of another timeline and a hero so that their tragedy would never be forgotten. That wish, that requiem of their unjust suffering, was implanted within the one person that had the power to change everything. Would that not make Yaki hers?
Yet in that instant, she stopped herself from saying that. As true as it was that Yaki only existed because of her, she did not like one bit how entitled that would have sounded. Like she was owed Yaki's eternal servitude simply because a version of her made her. No, she did not like that at all. Yaki is her own living being. None of this would mean a thing if she forced her to accept. She would be betraying everything they fought for if she was so selfish like that.
"-Special! B-Because you're special to me."
Yaki raised an eyebrow, feeling as if there was more it than that but chose not to comment on it.
"S-So please…When Shintaro…passes from this world, come with me. I would be so, so grateful to have you with me. I wouldn't be alone anymore…I could face the future with someone by my side…"
Yaki's rage from before had all faded away after listening to Marry's plea. For a brief moment, she even wore an expression of sympathy similar to Ayano's before her usual impassive face returned.
"Do I have a choice?" She asked, carefully watching the Queen's face.
"O-Of course you do! If I forced you with the Queen snake, I'd be no better than him-"
"I refuse."
Oh.
Oh no…
Marry's mouth hanged open after that reply, her throat turning instantly dry. Her heart was once again seized by the ice cold hands of despair, threatening to pulverize her still beating heart. Her hands trembled, knuckles turning ghostly white as she gripped her dress as tightly as before. Alone. She's going to be alone. For all of eternity. The terror of that cold, harsh reality made her want to hurl. Her greatest fears realized; Rejection and having to face all of eternity before her…Alone.
Alone alone alone alone alone-
All alone in this world.
"I…see…" Marry swallowed, eyes wide as she put everything into maintaining composure even as terrible thoughts and unrelenting dread plagued her mind, "O-Okay…I understand…but um…Do you…" She swallowed hard, attempting to quell her all-encompassing dread before she asked her next question, "Is it…because you hate me?"
"I would be lying if I said I wasn't resentful of you. What I had to go through because of you. All those time loops of yours can certainly wear the spirit down to a fine paste," Yaki stated, her impassive expression breaking into a tired sigh as Marry visibly started to break down. Tears and multiple repeated 'sorry' escaped the Queen's trembling lips. Yaki gave her a moment before opening her mouth to speak again,"But that's not why I am refusing you, my queen. I have different reasons for doing so."
"Then…why…?"
"Well, for one, it would be beyond dangerous. Do you know how many memories I have in here? All that suffering?" She poked at her forehead to further emphasize her question, her harsh gaze softening somewhat.
Marry slowly shook her head after thinking for a moment.
"And it's a good thing you don't. My host has only told you summarized snippets of what transpired in a select few loops. If I were to come with you, you would be subjected to every loop, every pain filled and despair riddled moment all at once from Shintaro's eyes," Yaki explained, getting up from her seat to look out the window where the setting sun greeted her once more, "Eons worth of acclimated suffering would flood your mind. You would face Shintaro's death and every sensation he felt as he left this mortal coil thousands upon thousands of times all at once. If that mind of yours doesn't collapse in on itself in the first instance of our union, you will go mad and lose control of yourself. Potentially sending all of this back to the start. Our one true future slipping from our grasp like so much sand…"
All that grief from seeing loved ones brutally killed again and again…The agony and mental anguish from experiencing your own death over and over…No other living being out there could handle such turmoil. Yaki was certain even the Queen would be able to handle that. Not all at once.
Yet this Queen seemed a little stubborn.
"Y-You don't know for sure that I'd do that…! That that's what would happen…"
"I know you far better than you know yourself, your majesty. I know what having me in your possession would do to you."
"N-No! I-I'm stronger now! Really, I am. I can handle it! I won't…"
"If you were stronger, you would not be seeking me out in the first place," Yaki's words cut through her false bravado, causing Marry's shoulders to sag as she knew those words rang true no matter how much she wanted to argue. Seeing her Queen in such a sorry state from the reflection in the window, Yaki let loose another heavy sigh.
It is not as though Yaki doesn't understand. She does. Far better than most. She's had to endure for so long of witnessing the same tragedy over and over again on repeat. Seeing that which she loved slaughtered like so much cattle or lost in the sea of their own wallowing self-hatred. She's had to do it all alone with nothing but memories keeping her company. She understands how cruel she's being by refusing her, by pointing out how awful they would be together and by forcing her to reconcile with eternity being her only companion in the world.
Even so, even the Queen must face the future.
No matter how painful.
"My Queen…You have to let us go. You must face our one true future no matter what comes."
Or how cruel.
"B-But…I'm not…I'm not ready…" Marry sniffled, tears rolling down her cheeks freely as she could no longer hold herself back, "I-I don't want…I don't want to say goodbye again…"
"No one is ever ready, my Queen. Yet humans must continue on anyways for that is simply life. Despite the monstrous blood flowing through you, you are still human yourself after all," Yaki slowly walked away from the window, the sun on her back as she inched closer to Marry, "Even you must keep moving forward."
Marry looked up at her with big wet, pleading eyes, "B-But you…You don't have to go…You can live with me…"
"I could." Yaki agreed with a nod, moving behind Marry and placing her hand on her shoulder, "But I will not. I am ready to rest with my host, my hero, my Shintaro Kisaragi once and for all. I have been with him through so much. Seen so much with him. Lived through so much together. Died over and over with him so many times. I am ready to lay this weary head of mine with his one final time. I am ready for the final curtain fall."
Marry quietly wept as she listened to the girl that looked like Ayano as her other hand ran through her fluffy white hair. comforting her the same way Ayano would.
"These past few decades of a peaceful, fulfilled life he's lived after we made it though that summer…They were marvelous weren't they? The children and grandchildren that ran giggling and screaming through the halls of this warm home…The love shared between him and the rest of this misfit family of ours…This has been the most wonderful gift I could ever ask as reward for my service. Would you not agree? You are happy for him, yes? And for all the others? The love they shared and the families they raised?"
"Y-Yeah…" She barely managed to eek out through her intensifying sobs, her small frame shaking like a leaf caught in a storm.
That is the truth after all. The honest truth. She is happy for them. Happy for all of them and the lives they had built. Her heart just isn't prepared for the final goodbye. For the day all of them will have left her behind. For the day all she will have left of them are memories. She's not ready one bit…
"No one is ever ready, Marry," Yaki repeated, wrapping her arms around her from behind the chair, pressing her head on top of Marry's and holding her tight as the girl was truly overwhelmed with emotion, wailing openly with sorrow as she held onto Yaki's warm arms like a life raft, "It is okay to not be ready today. It is okay to not be ready the day it happens or the day after or even 200 years after we are gone. Grief is love persisting always and you who persist always will love us for forever. Carry us with you into our future in your loving heart forever. That is my wish for you."
For the first time in no one but her knows, a single tear was shed from Yaki as she held Marry tighter, "I believe in you. You can do it, Marry. You can live with this painful, passionate and enduring love far into this future we made together. After all…"
"Your big sister knows you can."
Marry gasped as her eyes shot open. Sunlight now shined through the windows, casting the room in the warm glow of the morning sun.
She blinked a few times, rubbing the sleep and tears away from her stinging eyes before carefully glancing to the side to see Shintaro and Ayano still slumbering peacefully. A sight that made her sigh in relief.
"Ah…Good…" She mumbled, standing back up and tip toeing out of the room, "I should…prepare breakfast. Get their medicine ready."
She stopped for a second, looking back at the sleeping couple and under her breath, muttered, "Big sister…I'll try my best. I promise."
With that, she turned and stepped out the room quietly. A small smile on her face.
Shintaro cracked an eye open, watching her go. He waited until she was gone before making an exaggerated sigh, "Geez…You two sure are loud. Couldn't let the old man sleep huh?"
"Silence, you nosy old codger. That conversation was private. Best you forget all about it." Yaki huffed at him from within his own head. He cringed as the loud, screeching sound of a chair being forcibly moved across the floor echoed throughout his mind. A look into his mind's eye would reveal Yaki sitting in her chair with her arms crossed and an indignant look across her features as she stared out the window.
"Couldn't even if I wanted to, my Retaining Eyes," He smugly shot back which just made her huff all the louder in irritation.
Looking back at the door, he smiled softly, adding in a quiet voice:
"I believe in you too, Marry."