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"Maybe it's time to stop dwelling on the past?"
Dan said it in a way that made Mark think this wasn't the first time he had tried to convince him to move on.
And it probably wasn't.
"Yeah" Marks answer sounded weak , like he'd forgotten how to use his voice somewhere along the road.
"Mark.."
'Not now' Mark thought.
"Mark ... I think Dan is right"
'No he's not'
"Yes he is, it is time Mark"
'Not yet'
"Then when ?"
'I don't know, just not yet'
Mark looked up to Dan, who was no longer paying any attention to him.
In fact, nobody was paying attention to him.
"Mark open your eyes"
Arin was talking to Suzy while poking his fancy looking salad with a plastic knife.
"Please"
Barry was looking around at the people ordering their food at the counter only forcing his glance down every now and again to look at the pictures Ross was showing him on his phone.
"It's over, it was a long time ago and now ..."
Danny was writing something on a noteblock that looked like it had seen better days.
"It's time to let go Mark."
Ryan and Matt were talking about some politician Mark didn't care about.
But then again, what did he care about anything lately?
"Mark, it is time"
"STOP SAYING THAT" Marks loud shouting broke the silence that had fallen down in the room, making Dan and Ryan jump up in shock.
"I wasn't .... I wasn't saying anything .." Dan stuttered, holding his hands up in a defensive position.
"....none of us were" his hand gestured around the table to all of his friends nodding to Dans words with confusion filled looks.
"No I know, I was just...." Mark had barely said a word before he put his head in his hands, grabbing his coat from his chair with his free hand.
He shook his head at the group, knowing he had no excuse for what just happened.
No sane excuse atleast.
So he turned around to exit the building, and most of all the situation.
"I'm sorry" he mumbled and walked out of the door.
He could feel his friends eyes burning questioning looks through the back of his head as he let the glass door fall closed behind him.
The sun was burning hot today and the dry air immediately hit Marks face.
'Are you happy now?'
"This isn't what I wanted Mark, you know that"
'Then stop saying stupid things like that'
The cars rushing by gave Mark a surreal feeling.
It almost made him angry to see how everyone was just living their lives like nothing had happened.
Didn't they see ?
Did they not care at all ?
"That's not what I meant..."
'Then what did you mean ?'
Mark could hear a sigh before silence near defeaned him.
"I never wanted to make your life even harder"
'You should've thought of that 5 months ago'
Mark pushed the button on the traffic lights.
And when it didn't switch green as fast as he wanted it to, he hit it again.
And again.
"I mean I should've never tried to interfere with it ..."
'After you died? Are you too afraid to say it now, is that it?'
"No Mark..."
'Are you too afraid to say that you left me ? Abandoned me after all that we've been through ? After all we had - to just vanish from my life like it all meant shit!'
"Mark calm down."
'Don't tell me what to do.'
"I'm not ... I just don't want you to lose your attention and get run over"
Mark pressed the light again, while also taking a small step back -away from the road.
"MARK!!" a voice from far down the road screamed, catching his attention.
"Arin ?" It was almost a whisper, definitly not something the man -who was now running towards him, could've heard.
"MARK , HOLD UP."
Mark turned around just in time to see the traffic light turn green again.
And without thinking twice he crossed the road along with the line of people that had started to form behind him.
Arin would catch up eventually.
Or maybe not.
"What happened to you"
'Do you really want to go there?'
Mark turned his head to see a glympse of an angry looking Arin standing on the other side of the road with a slight red glare on his face.
"He's not mad."
'What?'
"Arin. He's not mad, he's concerned"
'About what?'
"About you ...."
Mark could feel his eyebrows raise involuntarily.
"They all are."
'They shouldn't , there's no reason to be..'
"Many people will disagree with that statement, myself included"
'You lost that privelege a while ago.'
"What privilege ? To care about you ?"
'Bingo.'
Mark slid his hand into his front pocket as he made his way across the lawn to his front door.
He opened his door and threw the key on the counter, immidiately letting himself fall down on his couch.
"Maybe you're right"
It was quiet for the longest time as Mark sat staring at the white walls in front of him.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head back as he tried to get his toughts straight.
"Mark ...?"
Marks eyebrows furrowed into a frown as he tried to ignore the voice inside his head.
"Mark?" The voice beckoned a little bit louder this time.
Mark grabbed a pillow from the couch , leaned his body sideways to lie down and put the pillow over his ear.
He knew it wouldn't help, nothing could.
"Mark"
'Yes?'
"I think it's time we both let go."
Mark didn't respond, and instead just deepened his frown.
"It was selfish of me to come back ,to pretend like everything was still fine .... to make you believe that nothing would have to change."
'Nothing HAS to change'
"But it does, Mark can't you see what this is doing to you ?"
"Look at yourself, you hide from your friends, you barely say a word to them and when you do it's only because you HAVE to."
Mark could feel his teeth clench up as a cold shiver ran through his spine.
"You don't listen to anyone, and all you do it dwell on what happened.
And that's all because I'M too selfish to let you go"
'No'
"Keep saying no, that'll sure change the situation, this isn't healthy, you know it, I know it"
Someone knocked on the door -it was a louzy knock, one that said 'I don't even know why I'm still trying', the only kind of knocks Mark had heard the past three months.
"Goodbye .. Mark"
Something about the tone made Mark jump up in pain.
'Do not do this to me, not again' Mark cried, not caring whether he was saying it aloud or not
"I am sorry, but this really has to end.
You can't keep doing this forever Mark."
'Please, just give me one more day'
"For what ? What do you think one more day will bring you except more sadness?"
Mark swallowed loudly as he let himself fall back onto the couch.
He was vaguely aware of the persistent knocking in the back ground.
"Give me one good reason and I'll stay."
'I ....'
Mark sighed in defeat.
'Because I don't want to lose you'
"Mark ... you already lost me five months ago when you dragged my lifeless body out of your car."
A single tear rolled down Marks cheek.
'I know.'
"I love you Mark, I always will"
'I know' Mark repeated in his head.
"Stop blaming yourself" Mark could almost hear the comforting smile through the words.
'I won't'
"Please, for me ?"
Mark clutched his fists and looked down at his feet.
His head hurt from defeat and loss.
"Goodbye Mark"
A last small tear dropped down and Mark smiled at his feet before opening his mouth to speak the words he should've said a very long time ago.
"Goodbye Jack, I love you."
And the only sound that was left in the room , was a quiet knock on the door.