Archive of Our Own

1. Grocery day.

The first time it happened, Eddie froze. He just smiled.

Not because he didn’t know how to respond. His relationship with his parents perhaps wasn’t the one he would have liked to have, but Eddie believed they had raised him with a set of good manners that he still maintained.

They had taught him to say thank you, they had taught him to dismiss an opinion or an idea in the most polite way possible, they had even taught him that refusing a request or saying no wasn’t unpleasant, but that, in certain situations, it was even necessary. Something about knowing people’s limits.

Maybe that was why he surprised himself that day, when he didn’t know how to respond to the comment a woman had directed his way, as if she were talking to him despite not knowing him at all.

Because that day was grocery day. Eddie didn’t know exactly when the two of them had started going together to do the weekly shopping, but he knew it was a habit between the two men, even knowing that each of them had their own shopping cart and that they would say goodbye at the supermarket exit so each could return to his own home.

When grocery day fell on a Saturday, Chris accompanied the two adults. Eddie still remembered those first occasions when Buck and Eddie went to the supermarket with his son, especially the moment when Chris thought he was secretly slipping his favorite cereal brand into Buck’s cart and how Buck pretended not to notice what Chris had done until he took the cereal out of his cart when they reached the checkout belt.

Chris still accompanied them on Saturdays despite being a teenager. He even stopped to argue with Buck about which products were the most eco-friendly in any section, especially the dairy aisle.

Eddie simply enjoyed the comfort of the situation. He found himself with a smile on his face every time his gaze landed on his son and his best friend, despite them being in the middle of a debate over which milk production was the least harmful to animals.

Then Theo arrived. Theo arrived in their lives. Well, in Buck’s life. Whatever.

And, despite still keeping two carts, since Buck and Eddie would return to their own houses with their own groceries, certain changes in their grocery day routine started to exist.

Like, for example, Chris no longer stopped to argue with Buck about the ecology of products, but instead dedicated himself to walking near Theo and stopping in front of the shelves with the intention of telling the little boy the same diatribes Buck had gone on about on some Saturday of his life.

Like, for example, the products each one carried inside their own cart. It was no longer only Chris’s favorite cereal brand sneaking into Buck’s cart (by that point, without any attempt at subtlety), but inside Eddie’s own cart appeared the brand of nuggets Theo liked or the juice boxes he drank for his afternoon snack.

A feeling of warmth settled in his chest when he observed the scene a few steps away from where his two young companions stood: Chris pointed with one of his fingers at his favorite milk, and Theo stood beside him.

“I’m telling you, Theo, this one’s the best,” Chris insisted, pointing at the bottle as if he were defending a doctoral thesis. “The other one tastes weird with cereal.”

Buck, as always happened at some point during their grocery days, had evaporated from his side. Surely, he would end up returning with some product from the previous aisle they had visited because he had skipped it on his shopping list or because he had remembered he barely had any left at home.

“But isn’t it literally the same milk? They all come from cows!”

“No,” Chris answered immediately, horrified. “Absolutely not!”

Without realizing the smile that had formed on his face. Without realizing that a woman had materialized beside him, as if by magic, looking in the same direction his gaze was fixed on.

“You have two adorable children.”

That comment hit him with that familiar feeling of anticipated alarm. Eddie noticed the exact instant in which his head was waiting for panic, discomfort, or the automatic need to correct her.

But none of that happened. He simply remained silent, weighing the words, while alternating his gaze between the two boys and the woman.

Because Theo had just leaned toward Christopher with the intention of taking a closer look at the milk label, as if it were going to reveal to him the real reason why Chris considered it superior to the others. Theo kept all his attention on the teenager, and Chris spoke with the certainty of someone who took for granted that the little boy was part of his life.

At that moment, a voice broke the quiet silence that had formed between the woman and Eddie, a voice far too energetic for it to only be a Saturday morning, for it to be grocery day.

“I knew I was forgetting something!” Buck appeared, holding two boxes of Eddie's favorite coffee brand. “Where are the boys?”

Eddie, still without saying a single word, pointed with his finger toward the place where Chris and Theo stood. Buck flashed a huge smile and quickly headed toward them, empty-handed, with the intention of reaffirming Chris’s position in his decision to keep that milk as his favorite brand.

Not even two seconds had passed since Buck had left his side when he heard a small laugh coming from the woman. Eddie turned toward her with an expectant expression, as if he knew the woman still had one more blow to deliver.

“Well, you also have a beautiful husband.”

Heat immediately rose up Eddie’s neck. In his mind appeared certain flashes of a road trip, of the accusatory comments they had received at the diner, of the implications behind the sheriff’s words.

Just like with the previous comment, he waited for panic. He waited for discomfort. He waited for whatever might happen, because he felt that was how he had always reacted in similar situations. But none of it appeared.

The only thing that appeared was a smile on Eddie’s face, one he didn’t notice until several seconds later, during which the woman said goodbye to him with a nod of her head, as if the mere act of smiling had served as his answer.

He could have responded in several ways. He could have started by dismissing the idea that Theo was his from the very beginning, saying that the child was being fostered by Buck, who wasn’t his husband but his best friend. He could have continued rejecting the ideas the woman had with the utmost politeness, just as his parents had taught him to do while he was growing up.

But the feeling of warmth that had spread from his chest to the rest of his body had prevented him from doing so. Or, at least, Eddie thinks that had been the reason for his impending silence.

That feeling of warmth reached its peak when his gaze drifted toward the two carts in front of him, more specifically toward the coffee of his favorite brand, since only one of them was inside his own cart.

The warmth settled. The smile on his face widened. The idea that he should have thanked the woman slipped into his head. Buck had placed the other package of coffee inside his own cart.

💢​

2. Parent-teacher meeting.

“Are you okay?”

It was a simple question, something they asked each other more times throughout the day than they were actually aware of. What people would call: yes, I care about my best friend, how did you know?

They didn’t ask the question because they didn’t know the answer. The thing was, they did know. The thing was, they knew perfectly well how the other was feeling without needing to ask a question.

The question one of them asked was meant to let the other know they were there in case they needed it, to make them understand that they had their back, no matter what they were thinking or feeling; to make them understand that there would always be someone willing to listen.

They were at the station. After almost an hour without receiving any calls, most of them had gathered in the loft area, around the couches and armchairs.

Eddie was lying stretched out across one of the couches, while his feet rested on Buck’s lap. Buck was sitting on the same couch, only with his feet propped up on the coffee table.

To get his best friend’s attention, Eddie tapped Buck’s lap with one of his feet. That simple contact was enough to bring Buck back to reality after having been lost in thought for quite some time. Buck turned toward him after blinking several times.

“Sorry, did you say something?”

“Yeah, I asked if you were okay.” Buck opened his mouth to answer, but Eddie cut him off. “You haven’t spoken for more than fifteen minutes, which is concerning.”

Buck raised an eyebrow, looking incredulous.

“Is it really that strange for me not to talk for more than fifteen minutes?”

Up until that moment, the rest of the team had remained silent and busy with their respective activities. However, that didn’t stop them from being nosy, nor from enjoying giving their opinion when no one had asked for it.

“Yes.”

It was a chorus of voices that answered, not Eddie’s. It was Ravi and Harry, who had been playing video games on the TV console. It was Hen, who was reading a modern medicine book. It was Chimney, who had been filling out reports, taking advantage of the lack of calls.

Buck frowned at his team’s response, which caused the others to laugh. Eddie, however, didn’t join in the collective laughter; instead, he tapped Buck’s lap again with his foot to get his attention.

“So? What’s been going through your head for the past fifteen minutes, Buck?”

Buck stayed silent for a few seconds, as if weighing the answer he should give Eddie and, by extension, the rest of his coworkers, who had stopped paying attention to their own activities.

“Tomorrow I have the first meeting with Theo’s teacher and I don’t know what to expect.” Buck blurted it out all at once, like someone getting a weight off his chest. “Do I walk in there and just wait for her to criticize me? Should I bring a notebook to write down everything she says about Theo? Do you think I should prepare something, like cookies? Although I don’t know if she’d consider that bribery, but… do I even have anything to bribe her for?”

Eddie didn’t realize he had started pressing his feet firmly against Buck’s lap until Buck glanced down at that part of his body.

“Well, the first meeting is usually meant to give you an idea of what’s going on,” Hen answered first. “You really shouldn’t expect anything simply because you don’t know anything yet, you know what I mean?”

“Exactly, you have no idea what’s going on with Theo at school. You can guess based on the way the kid comes home after classes, but not much more.”

Chimney’s words made Hen nod. Ravi and Harry had remained silent until then, but they wanted to contribute too.

“I think if you make your peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, the teacher will be delighted,” Ravi pointed out solemnly. “Even if you don’t have anything to bribe her for, it’s a good introduction.”

“God, when are you going to make them again? They were incredible. My mom stole several when I brought them home.”

Buck couldn’t help smiling when he saw his coworkers enjoying his baking. A smile tinged with the same embarrassment Eddie always saw whenever Buck received a compliment and struggled to accept it.

“The point is, you don’t have to assume the worst or catastrophize about what they might tell you.” Hen gave him a smile full of affection. “Whatever they say, don’t think it’s your fault. We all see how much you care about him and how well you’re taking care of him, and his school will probably see that too after talking to you at the meeting.”

Those words seemed to calm Buck down, or at least that was how the rest interpreted the nod from the man.

However, Eddie knew that wasn’t true. He knew his best friend would stay awake all night trying to come up with solutions to a problem that was out of his hands. He knew his best friend wouldn’t relax until that meeting was over and he walked out of Theo’s classroom door.

The decision Eddie made within seconds wasn’t the result of impulse, but of all their years of friendship, of the experiences they had collected together over time, of all the times Buck had shown up without being called because he knew they needed him.

“I can go with you, if that would make you feel better.”

Buck’s eyes lifted from Eddie’s feet and locked directly onto his, vulnerability more than evident in them.

“Besides, I think I owe you several parent-teacher meetings after all the ones you’ve been to since I can remember,” Eddie downplayed it. “And before you say anything, no, I don’t mind at all. I don’t have any plans tomorrow and Chris will be more than happy to have the house to himself on a Thursday afternoon.”

Buck was already smiling before Eddie finished speaking. With that smile, Eddie knew he had hit the mark completely. It still cost him to accept that Buck trusted him so blindly, especially when it came to his abilities as a father, but he would never refuse his help when he knew Buck needed it.

They were a team. They always had been, the two of them, with Chris included, and after such a long time of being only three, that had expanded to four with Theo.

“Wait a second,” Ravi’s voice filled the silence after a few moments. “Has Buck attended Chris’s parent-teacher meetings?”

-

Buck bounced his leg nervously while sitting in an absurdly small chair inside Theo’s classroom. Eddie, sitting beside him, pressed his thigh against the moving leg.

He didn’t need to say anything. It was a simple gesture, one that anyone else could have overlooked, but for them it carried a special meaning, one that had followed them ever since they finished their first shift together: I’ve got your back.

“Well, I don’t have much to say,” Mrs. Ramírez began while reviewing a pile of papers in front of her. “Theo is very intelligent, but he still seems a little insecure when participating in groups. How is the adjustment at home going?”

Eddie waited patiently for Buck to answer.

Eddie hadn’t come to the parent-teacher meeting to speak on Buck’s behalf. Eddie was only there to support his best friend. Buck truly didn’t need anyone to intervene for him because Buck was doing an amazing job with Theo.

At least, that was Eddie’s opinion, as well as the opinion of the rest of their friends and family. Buck had never said out loud that he felt he could be doing more, that he doubted every step he took or every decision he made, but Eddie had always known how to see beyond Buck and, even if Buck hadn’t voiced it, he knew exactly what kind of thoughts were running through his best friend’s mind.

Eddie recognized the insecurity on Buck’s face and, before he realized what he was doing, the words slipped out of his mouth.

“It’s getting better,” he intervened calmly, pressing his thigh against Buck’s once again. “Chris helps a lot with that. Theo talks more at home when he feels comfortable, and it seems like Chris gives him exactly that.”

This time, it was Buck who pressed his thigh against Eddie’s. A sign of gratitude for speaking in his place.

Mrs. Ramírez nodded immediately, jotting down Eddie’s words.

“That makes perfect sense,” the woman continued, a gentle smile on her face. “Normally, children need a certain sense of stability before they start opening up in an environment they don’t know. It seems like you two are doing a wonderful job with him.”

You two. Plural.

Once again, Eddie braced himself for the worst, feeling that familiar instant of waiting, the moment when someone assumes something and the body reacts accordingly.

Even though the situation wasn’t really new. Eddie had spent years sitting in Chris’s school meetings while the man beside him automatically stepped in to help whenever he froze or found himself unable to find the right words. Buck knew the names of all of Chris’s teachers, his accommodations, his school routines; he had walked into those meetings with such natural ease that no one had ever questioned it.

And now, Eddie had just done exactly the same thing. As if it were normal, as if they had been doing it with Theo for years, another routine acquired among all the others they had shared over time.

“Besides,” Mrs. Ramírez continued, keeping her smile, “it’s very obvious when a child feels supported by his parents.”

Parents. Again, plural.

Buck didn’t correct Mrs. Ramírez. In fact, he simply nodded in a gesture that, to the rest of humanity, might have seemed imperceptible. But not to Eddie.

Eddie, who expected that use of the plural to stir something inside him, some kind of alarm, some reminder that this shouldn’t settle so naturally between the two men, that it should feel strange.

But Buck, sitting so close that their sides were practically pressed together, merely nudged his thigh against Eddie’s once more.

A simple gesture, but once again loaded with unspoken words, loaded with a meaning only the two men knew. The insecurity faded from his best friend’s face, and his body seemed to relax after Eddie intervened in his place.

So the only thing Eddie could feel was an unexpected calm when he realized he had managed to make Buck understand that he didn’t have to carry the entire situation alone. He had managed to make him understand that he truly had his back, no matter the situation or the place.

And, by extension, both of them would have Theo’s and Chris’s backs as well. Together.

💢​

3. Emergency contact.

It was strange for Buck and Eddie not to share a day off.

Anyone might think that if they alternated shifts or didn’t overlap during their rotations, they could organize themselves more easily because of their personal lives. However, it had already been proven an incredible number of times that they functioned worse when they worked separately.

They were an indivisible package. A two-for-one deal that no one could resist. Not even they themselves had ever considered otherwise.

But, every now and then, this happened. Not because of Chimney’s own decision, since he was aware that they only functioned properly when they were both present on the same shift, but because they covered for other coworkers on shifts that didn’t belong to them.

That was what was happening that day. A day when both of them had planned to rest and recover their energy, taking advantage of the fact that both Theo and Chris had school. A day when the only thing on both of their minds was catching up on chores in their respective homes.

A day when they would both end up with Theo and Chris at Eddie’s house, since Pepa had asked them to have dinner together. Theo adored Pepa, and Pepa was more than delighted to spoil the tiny version of Buck.

Eddie was bored. Also alone. I mean, he was doing household chores and that would have been the same thing he’d be doing even if Buck hadn’t had to cover that shift, but it wasn’t the same. With Buck in his own house, doing his own chores, at least Eddie knew someone was keeping him company, even if it was from several houses away.

Maybe it wasn’t the most rational thought in the world, but what mattered was that it worked for Eddie. It always had.

He was finishing folding the laundry when his phone rang. He left the pile of clothes on the living room table and immediately grabbed the device, where an unfamiliar number appeared on the screen.

Eddie was aware of pyramid scams that happened through phone calls, thank you very much. Buck had always told him never to answer with affirmative words. Chris had warned him about distinguishing area codes.

But the area code for that number was from Los Angeles. Eddie recognized it, though the number itself didn’t ring a bell. Even so, he decided to answer, but without affirmative words.

“Hello?”

“Good morning, am I speaking with Mr. Díaz?”

Well, first test. How was he supposed to answer affirmatively to a question whose only answer could be “yes”?

“Speaking,” he smiled, proud of his answer. “Who’s calling?”

“Look, we’re calling from Theo’s school. He’s been feeling a little sick all morning and now he has a fever. We’ve tried contacting Evan Buckley, but he’s not answering the calls, and you’re listed as his first emergency contact in case he doesn’t respond. Could you come pick him up?”

The matter of pyramid scams over phone calls completely vanished from his mind the moment he processed all the information he had just received.

Theo was sick. Buckling was sick. Eddie had been listed as Theo’s first emergency contact in case Buck didn’t answer.

Eddie, who was only Buck’s best friend. Eddie, who knew that Buck had a sister, Maddie, with whom he had a very close relationship and who even shared blood ties with him.

But when has any of that ever mattered to the two of them? Because Buck had been Chris’s first emergency contact for years, for so long that Eddie didn’t even think about it anymore. It was simply Buck, because Buck always showed up. It was logical, natural.

“Mr. Díaz, are you still there?”

Eddie shook his head, pushing those thoughts aside for later before responding affirmatively, which Chris would probably consider a mistake and scold him for later when he told him, despite the fact that the call had come from Theo’s school and the reason had completely scrambled the deepest logic inside Eddie’s own mind.

“Yes, of course. I’m on my way to pick him up right now.”

When he arrived at the school, he found Theo half asleep in a tiny chair at the front desk, hugging a stuffed shark that Eddie would recognize anywhere because it had belonged to Chris when he was little.

The moment he saw Eddie, little Buckling’s eyes lit up. Eddie also noticed the way all the tension gathered in the child’s tiny body eased slightly.

“Hi, Eddie.”

Even all the energy the little boy usually radiated seemed to have evaporated. Eddie looked at him fondly before walking over to where he was sitting, wearing that smile he had only ever used with Christopher and had thought he would never need to use again.

“Hey, buddy,” Eddie murmured, crouching down in front of him. “Ready to go home?”

Theo nodded slowly, extending his tiny arms toward him, a gesture Eddie understood without needing any more words. He lifted the little boy onto his hip and signed the required papers for Theo’s release from the school before heading home.

At that moment, he realized he had told Theo they were going home, but he had never specified which home he meant. Still, Eddie was already driving toward his own before he could even clear up that misunderstanding.

Eddie knew what he had to do before he even had a plan. The first thing he did was text Buck to tell him what had happened and that there was nothing to worry about (even though he would probably be a nervous wreck until he got home and saw it with his own eyes).

Again, the use of the word “home” was a little ambiguous, but Eddie had the slight intuition that Buck would show up at 4995 South Bedford Street without even needing to ask.

The second thing he did was call Pepa and ask her to come over so she could cook one of her famous comforting soups, the same one both Eddie and Chris had eaten during the days when they’d been sick. The woman replied that she had no problem with that and would arrive in no more than fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes that Eddie used to go to the pharmacy and buy the ingredients he thought his aunt would need for the soup. Fifteen minutes during which Theo dozed between Eddie’s arms and the booster seat Eddie had bought for his own car only a week after Buck confessed he had decided to take Theo in.

So when Eddie opened the front door of his house, he wasn’t surprised by the pleasant smell coming from the kitchen.

He didn’t even bother announcing they had arrived. Carrying bags from both the pharmacy and the grocery store, Theo’s backpack, and Theo himself in one arm, Eddie headed toward that room of the house.

“Hola, Tía.”

Pepa turned to look at Eddie, but her eyes immediately landed on Theo, who curled more tightly against Eddie’s chest.

“When you asked me to come make one of my famous soups, I thought you were the one who had gotten sick,” she pointed at him with a wooden spoon, “so imagine my surprise when I walked into the house and saw you weren’t here.”

Eddie set the bags down on the kitchen counter so he could hold Theo with both arms. The little boy had an uncomfortable expression on his face even while asleep, so Eddie hoped his aunt wouldn’t take too long to finish the soup so he could give him the proper medicine after he ate.

“Sorry for not telling you more, Theo’s school called me and Buck is covering a shift for one of the firefighters on C shift.”

Pepa raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“Before you say what you’re thinking, would you mind if I put him down for a nap? I don’t think Chris will mind him sleeping in his bed. I’ll be right back.”

Pepa nodded, dismissing him with a wave of her hand. Eddie carried the little boy to Chris’s bedroom, where he laid him down on the bed.

His heart instantly flooded with a love he couldn’t explain. He stood there looking at Theo with the kind of affection only a mother or father could truly understand, a smile spreading across his face. He carefully brushed the hair away from Theo’s forehead and tucked him in, letting the little boy fall asleep before eating.

When he returned to the kitchen, Pepa was already waiting for him. She had rummaged through the grocery bag he had brought and hadn’t hesitated to use what he’d bought for the soup she was preparing.

“Well,” she commented, looking at Eddie gently, “so you’re Theo’s first emergency contact in case Evancito can’t answer, huh?”

Yes, exactly the same thing he had thought when the school called. It was exactly the same speech, without a single word or comma out of place.

“It’s not a big deal,” he replied, a little defensive. “Buck has been Chris’s first emergency contact in case I’m unavailable for years.”

“Well, but I imagine you didn’t make that decision overnight, right?” Pepa asked knowingly. “Theo has only been with Buck for three months and you’re already first in line.”

Something on Eddie’s face must have betrayed him because Pepa noticed the expression that appeared there.

“Unless you did make that decision overnight.” Eddie lowered his head, slightly embarrassed. “Eddito, how long did it take you to change Christopher’s first emergency contact?”

Eddie bit his lip. There were so many possible answers to that question, so many ways to make Pepa realize how important Buck was in both his life and Chris’s life, that he didn’t know which one to choose.

“Buck has always been involved in Chris’s life,” the words came out of his mouth aimlessly. “Not because I asked him to or because I needed him to. One day he just showed up and stayed.”

“That still doesn’t explain why Buck listed you as Theo’s first emergency contact instead of Maddie, his sister.”

Eddie knew that. Eddie was aware of it because he had thought about it too. But Eddie also knew that, for the two men, for Buck and Eddie as an indivisible package, it did make sense. All the sense in the world.

“I’m not saying it’s a bad thing.” Pepa stepped closer to him and reached out a hand to cradle his face. “What I mean is that there are people who “just showed up” in our lives and start making them lighter before we even realize it.”

Eddie’s eyes widened instantly. Pepa simply smiled, oblivious to the mental state her nephew was in at that moment.

Eddie swallowed hard at the implications of his aunt’s words. Once again, he found himself waiting for the discomfort, the urge to justify himself or deny what she was implying, even the need to correct her.

But the only thing he felt was his chest expanding, his heart growing even bigger, feeling like he could love Theo with the same intensity with which he loved Christopher. He felt the quiet certainty that Buck trusted him with the most important thing in his life, in the same way Eddie had trusted him years ago and had continued to do ever since Buck entered Chris’s life.

He also felt that he would do absolutely anything to protect him. To take care of him, to support him, and to prove that Buck could rely on him at any moment.

💢​

4. Halloween.

Eddie had been trying to keep his mind blank for the past few weeks.

He didn’t want to think. He didn’t want his head to dwell on the lack of reactions his body had shown whenever the rest of the world offered him an opinion he had never asked for in the first place.

Eddie knew that the moment he allowed himself to think about it, that raw truth his mind refused to share would implode inside him in such a way that it would destroy everything around it. It would destroy his beliefs, destroy the way he had compartmentalized his relationships over the years, destroy who Eddie thought he was because of the real meaning hidden behind that truth.

And Eddie wasn’t ready for that. At least, not yet.

He also wasn’t prepared for the chaos that was Theo’s first Halloween, which the little boy seemed more than excited about after learning that everyone would gather at Hen’s house to celebrate it together in the family they had all built together.

Hen’s house was filled with orange lights, overly elaborate decorations, and the constant noise of overlapping conversations all happening in the same place.

Mara, dressed as a vampire, was running away from Jee, an adorable alien, because the two of them had invented a story about extraterrestrial beings who dedicated themselves exclusively to abducting vampires.

Karen, Hen, and Maddie, dressed as the famous trio from Hocus Pocus, laughed from a corner of the living room at Chimney’s attempts, dressed as Doctor Emmett from Back to the Future, to keep the candy away from Denny, a skilled negotiator dressed as The Godfather. 

May and Ravi, who had come as Morticia and Gomez Addams from The Addams Family, were immersed in a dispute with Harry, who had shown up dressed as Nick Fury, over which Avenger was the best.

And Buck… Well, Buck was standing in the middle of all the overlapping conversations as if he had been born to be there, at the center of everyone’s attention.

Eddie watched him from the kitchen doorway while helping Theo adjust the plastic helmet of his costume. Chris was standing beside them too, explaining to Theo how the emergency communication system he had improvised for his dispatcher costume worked.

Because that was another point Eddie still hadn’t addressed. The four of them had come to the party in matching costumes, with the emergency services as their theme. Theo was a firefighter, Buck was a police officer (much to Athena’s dismay), Chris was a dispatcher, and Eddie was a paramedic.

Eddie didn’t think too much about that either. He didn’t because those kinds of thoughts were exactly the ones that would cause the implosion inside him and, as he had already admitted to himself, he still wasn’t ready for that implosion.

The problem was that he didn’t actually control that implosion. The problem was that he wouldn’t be able to control it even if he wanted to, no matter how much he kept lying to himself.

“Hey!” Chimney’s voice rose above everyone else’s. “Can we get going before The Godfather manages to steal all my candy?”

That question only intensified the chaos that had already existed. Mara and Jee squealed excitedly, while Denny challenged Chimney with a look before finally relenting, wearing a magnanimous expression as though he were about to spare his life, and allowing Chimney to breathe easy.

Chris moved slightly away from Buck and Theo to grab the buckets they had brought from home for collecting candy, while Theo stuck close to Buck with a trace of shyness.

“But what if I don’t like the chocolate bars they give me?”

Before Buck could answer the question the little boy had thrown at him, Chris reappeared beside him, offering Theo one of the buckets.

“Don’t worry about that, Theo. When we get home tonight, we can trade candy. That way I’ll keep the ones you don’t like and you can keep the ones I don’t like.”

That answer seemed enough to calm the little boy’s nerves, and he immediately jumped to his feet and hurried over to Chris to take the bucket he was offering him.

At that moment, Buck lifted his head and shifted his gaze toward Eddie. The two men’s eyes met, establishing a kind of silent conversation, one only the two of them had access to and one only they understood after so many years of friendship and communication without the need for words.

Buck would go trick-or-treating with the boys. They would return to the Díaz house that night.

“Alright, let’s get moving!”

Hen would go with them too, which meant Eddie would stay at the house with Maddie, Karen, and the others who were still arguing over which Avenger was the strongest.

The trio who weren’t arguing accompanied them to the front door, watching as Denny determined the most optimal route to follow, the way Mara and Jee held hands so they wouldn’t get lost, and the way their coworker supported her son despite Chimney’s complaints.

And finally, he watched Buck, who walked at a slower pace with Christopher on one side and Theo holding his hand on the other. Chris was talking so fast he was barely understandable, Theo nodded enthusiastically as though he understood what the older boy was talking about, and Buck simply smiled.

Eddie felt that strange pull inside his chest again, that warm and slow settling sensation that appeared at the most unexpected moments, as if something inside him recognized the scene in front of him before his own mind did.

He was so lost in that feeling that he didn’t notice one of the women who had stayed behind in the house stepping up beside him, also looking toward the picturesque group.

“I’m glad Chris’s costume turned out so well.”

Maddie’s voice broke the silence that had settled over the porch. Eddie, who was still staring toward the group, simply nodded without saying anything.

“Did you know he called me a few weeks ago to ask for advice?”

At that revelation, Eddie tore his gaze away from the group and turned fully toward Maddie, who was smiling with an affectionate expression on her face.

“I’ll spare you some details I still don’t understand myself, like how he managed to steal one of your phones to save my contact,” Maddie shrugged, brushing the issue aside. “The important thing is the way Chris greeted me as soon as I picked up the call.”

Eddie knew his relationship with Maddie wasn’t the closest in the world. Not because he didn’t want it to be, but because the opportunity had simply never arisen. Maddie was Buck’s sister and married to Chimney. Eddie knew she had weekly dinners with Karen and Hen and that she had a good relationship with both Athena and May.

Not to mention how similar they were. Not to mention the emotional burden they both carried, the responsibility they had both been forced to assume for their siblings when they were young, or the way they could empathize with each other’s past traumas.

Even without sharing that kind of close relationship, Maddie seemed more than willing to share her thoughts with him. Even if he hadn’t asked for her opinion, even if it felt strange for the two of them to be talking alone.

“How did he greet you?”

The question sounded innocent, but Eddie had the slight intuition that the answer he was about to receive perhaps wasn’t, judging by the way the woman standing before him’s eyes sparkled.

“‘Hi, Aunt Maddie, it’s Chris. Could you help me with the Halloween costumes? I thought the four of us should wear matching costumes and I came up with the idea that I could dress up as a dispatcher.’”

As he had thought before, he didn’t control when the implosion would happen. He didn’t have the power to decide when it would destroy everything, he wouldn’t be able to control the damage and all the wreckage left behind as a consequence.

What he had never imagined was that Maddie would aspire to become a trigger.

There was so much to unpack in his own son’s words that Eddie didn’t know where to begin. Chris had called Maddie to ask for help with the costume. He had called her “Aunt.” He had confessed his idea to Maddie before Buck or Eddie. Maddie. Buck’s sister.

It was no longer just strangers or people close enough to them who saw the four of them as a family. It had been Chris himself who had given the rest of the world permission to fully assume what Eddie was struggling so hard to say out loud.

“He didn’t even hesitate, you know? He just called me Aunt Maddie, as if he’d been doing it or thinking about it his whole life.”

Eddie swallowed slowly.

If Eddie allowed himself to think about that truth, then it made sense for Chris to do the same. Buck was family to Chris in every way except by name, and Chris had always been too honest about his feelings. Chris had established a simple rule: if Buck was his family, then Maddie was far too close to that statement.

Maddie smiled at Eddie’s lack of words in a way only an older sister who had realized what was happening without needing anyone to explain it could.

Eddie noticed the woman’s gaze drifting back toward the street, toward the group, settling especially on Buck, her brother, her closest family member.

Buck, who had ended up carrying Theo on his back while making the typical siren noises of a fire truck, while Chris walked beside him, indignantly gesturing about who knew what. Buck, who smiled, who had learned how to divide all his attention equally between the child on his back and the teenager who never stopped rambling.

Like lightning, the next words that came out of Maddie’s mouth were the ones that made Eddie realize that maybe the truth tormenting his mind had already imploded at some point.

“You really do make a pretty convincing family.”

This time, Eddie didn’t wait for the urge to deny it.

Not because he didn’t believe it or because he was against the idea, but because he knew that urge would never come. The truth had imploded. Reality had caught up to him before he was ready to accept it.

Because when he looked back toward the group, he watched Buck stop in the middle of the street to properly fix Theo’s helmet while Chris continued in the middle of his personal rant, barely breathing between sentences.

It was the ease of the scene that finally hit him, that made him aware of what people had been implying for so long. It didn’t look like a scene where everyone had agreed to improvise, it didn’t look like something that could be interpreted as isolated or accidental.

It looked real.

He knew Maddie was watching him because he could feel her brown eyes fixed on him, as if she were debating whether to deliver the final blow or let Eddie breathe before his head sank underwater again.

But Maddie was an older sister and, in that moment, she let herself be guided by what being an older sister meant: saying things exactly as she thought or saw them.

“And honestly, I think the most curious part of all this is that none of the four of you are pretending.”

Eddie knew that was exactly the problem.

Because Eddie, who still hadn’t taken his eyes off Buck, Chris, and Theo, didn’t feel even the slightest trace of fear. He only felt a deep and terrifying calm, as though some part of him had realized he had started calling those three people home long before he himself had noticed.

💢​

5. The unilateral decision.

He heard the front door of his house open while he was pouring himself a coffee.

“Eddie?”

Buck’s heavy footsteps echoed through the kitchen of his house. It wasn’t even two in the afternoon yet and his best friend was already making an appearance there.

“In the kitchen!”

Not even five seconds passed before Buck appeared in that room of the house. He appeared with that smile on his face capable of erasing everything negative that anyone might be feeling.

“Good morning,” Buck greeted, radiant as always. “Did you manage to get any rest?”

“Yeah, the most restorative six hours of sleep of my life,” Eddie replied, with a hint of sarcasm. “Weren’t you supposed to pick the boys up today?”

Buck nodded while walking over to one of the counters before giving a small jump with the intention of sitting on top of it.

“I was thinking we could pick them up together and then go eat at that new pizza place they opened near Chris’s school.”

At that information, Eddie turned toward him, leaning his hips against the counter in front of Buck.

“Is this another one of your attempts to convince Theo about pineapple on pizza?”

Buck looked at him, disbelief written across his face.

“Do you feel intimidated because we outnumber you, Eddie?”

“No, but you already managed to corrupt Chris, so I’m going to do everything in my power to stop Theo from straying down the wrong path.”

Buck smiled, amused by the comment.

“Chris has a good palate. Are you sure he got that from you?”

“Chris is fourteen years old now, but he was seven when he met you and at that age kids are easily influenced.” Eddie pointed at him. “I’m still in time to stop the same thing from happening with Theo.”

“What can I say?” Buck shrugged. “I’m a good influence.”

Eddie laughed fondly at that statement.

“So now we’re calling spreading the habit of dipping fries into chocolate milkshakes among Chris’s friend group a ‘good influence’?”

This time, Buck let out a laugh.

A laugh that instantly made Eddie feel that warm pressure inside his chest again. You would never hear him admit it out loud, but Eddie hated a little how much he liked hearing that sound inside his house.

Because, setting aside those months when Buck stayed at the Díaz house after they returned from El Paso, Buck’s presence had always been temporary, even though Eddie had never considered him a guest.

But for the past few months, ever since Theo had integrated perfectly into their lives, it was no longer just Buck showing up at his house with the intention of spending time with the Díaz boys.

No, for the past few months, every time Eddie opened the fridge in his kitchen, he found Theo’s favorite nuggets and those non-alcoholic drinks Buck had started drinking ever since he managed to get sober. For the past few months, Eddie set the table for four on the nights they had dinner at his house. For the past few months, there had been clothes that didn’t belong to any Díaz, but Eddie included them in laundry day anyway.

For the past few months, “Buck and Theo” had become a unit that could not be understood if it didn’t appear alongside “Christopher and Eddie.”

Buck’s phone started ringing before Eddie could continue thinking about it. The truth had imploded and Eddie still hadn’t found a way to control the damage it had caused.

Buck looked at the screen and his expression changed immediately; the smile disappeared and his shoulders tensed. Before Eddie could ask about it, Buck cleared his throat and looked in his direction.

“It’s Theo’s school.”

Eddie’s stomach tightened the instant Buck answered the call.

“Hello? Yes, this is Evan Buckley.”

Eddie pushed himself off the counter he had been leaning against with both hands and moved slightly closer to where Buck stood, while that silence preceding an explanation filled the air.

Before he could reach him, Buck jumped off the counter, the expression of pure terror infecting his entire face.

“He hit his head? Is he okay?”

The air left Eddie’s lungs all at once as he watched his best friend pace from one side of the kitchen to the other, fingers from one hand frantically running through the curls of his hair while the other clung with everything he had to the phone pressed against his ear.

“Yes, yes, he’s okay. I’m heading there right now.”

Buck hung up and, before Eddie could ask, before Eddie could utter a single word, Buck headed toward the entrance of the house where he had left his car keys earlier, as always, beside Eddie’s car keys.

Eddie practically ran after him. He didn’t even need to ask, because Buck knew Eddie would run after him, so he started explaining.

“Theo fell in the playground. His teacher told me he’s probably okay, but he hit himself hard and he won’t stop crying.”

Eddie was already moving in his direction, grabbing the house keys and his own car keys before checking that he had his wallet on him.

“Come on, I’ll go with you.”

Those words made Buck stop short. He turned toward Eddie with his face submerged in that terror only parents understood: the fear that their child was hurt.

“No, no, you have to pick Chris up. I don’t know if I’ll have time to do it because I don’t know whether Theo needs to go to the hospital.” Buck shook his head firmly. “I’ll call you later and tell you everything.”

“I can text Chris and tell him to take the bus after school. I’m sure he’ll understand if we don’t go pick him up.”

“No, Eddie, I have to leave now, there’s no time for that!”

Eddie was aware that Buck was upset and that he couldn’t blame him for worrying that way, but the sentence settled quickly into his bones.

He wasn’t counting on Eddie. That plural that had been used so many times between them had turned into a solitary singular, as if Eddie, at some point he couldn’t identify, had stopped being part of the equation.

Buck opened the front door and Eddie felt his chest twisting. That sensation of warmth disappeared completely, making way for an anguish Eddie couldn’t understand, one he wasn’t capable of naming.

Because it was ridiculous. It was ridiculous to feel like he was being pushed aside because Theo was being fostered by Buck. It made sense that Buck would react as though he were about to lose his mind; of course his priority in that moment would be Theo and nothing else.

Eddie understood that, and yet.

“Buck, can you stop for a second?”

Buck barely turned around, barely looked in Eddie’s direction, as if he were internally debating between running out of that place and listening to what Eddie wanted to say.

“Eddie, can’t we talk about this later? Theo needs me.”

Again, that use of the singular instead of the plural. Again, that sensation of something unusual twisting inside Eddie’s chest. Eddie couldn’t find the words to answer him.

“What the hell is going on, Eddie?”

And that was the question, wasn’t it?

Because the problem wasn’t that Theo had fallen or Buck’s understandable reaction to the news.

No, the problem lay in the automatic way he had done it, as if that plural had vanished with only a few words, as if that “Buck and Theo” could start to be understood without that “Eddie and Chris.”

As if Eddie had suddenly realized that Buck did not consider him part of that certainty that had occupied such a large space inside him.

Eddie felt panic opening inside him because he had spent several months thinking about them as a team, no matter how much he had tried to avoid it. For months Buck and Theo had woven themselves so deeply into his life that they had taken up space everywhere: in his kitchen, in Chris’s routines, in Sundays, in improvised dinners, in movie nights, in himself.

Maybe the problem all this time had been that Eddie had started thinking of them as his too, as his family.

“You can’t act as if I’m not here until it’s convenient for you, Buck.”

Buck barely stepped back, as if that had managed to hit him, though with the smallest impact possible.

“What do you mean, Eddie?”

“You know exactly what I mean. All this time you’ve been acting as if…” Eddie ran a hand through his hair, nerves frayed raw, “acting as if the four of us were something together.”

Buck went completely still, making Eddie realize that he had just gotten too close to that truth that apparently didn’t belong only to him, but was shared. At that moment, it was Buck’s turn for the implosion.

“But I’m the one fostering Theo, Eddie, we’re not fostering him together!”

The sentence didn’t come out cruel, nor angry. It was simply honest.

Maybe that was why it hurt Eddie so much, because what Buck was saying was true. Eddie was not part of that fostering process. He had simply been there, secretly and without realizing it beginning to feel that he considered Theo his too, in the same way he thought Chris also belonged to Buck.

In that moment, he realized Buck did not seem to think about them the same way Eddie did. He had pushed Eddie aside because he didn’t see the situation in the same way. The worst part was that he had every right in the world to do it because Eddie didn’t really occupy that place. He had never occupied it for Buck.

Buck showed a flicker of concern for Eddie on his face, even lifting his hand toward him as though trying to reach him, but the metaphorical space that had just opened between them was larger than either of them could have expected.

“I have to go pick him up, Eddie. Later… later we’ll talk about this, okay?”

Eddie didn’t even answer. He simply stood there watching Buck as he turned toward his car with the intention of driving to Theo’s school.

He didn’t look back even once.

Eddie heard Buck’s car start and realized that, not once, had he turned around to look at him. One simple glance to communicate the way they always had, without needing words. One simple glance to tell him that everything was okay and that they would talk later.

There was nothing. As the street fell into complete silence, with Buck’s car fading into the horizon, Eddie understood the truth exactly as it was.

During all those months, he hadn't been panicking because people mistook them for a family. He had been panicking because he had realized he had found and created one.

💢​

6.+1, the last conversation.

The house felt far too empty during dinner for the first time in months.

Not silent, because Christopher was telling Eddie about the rumors that kept spreading around his school, but empty in a very specific, precise way, one that Eddie had been trying to ignore since the previous day.

It had been more than a day without hearing from Buck, who hadn’t texted him about Theo’s condition after picking him up from school.

Eddie hadn’t known what to say either. He had written and deleted several messages over the last few hours, but he hadn’t sent any of them. A “I’m sorry” that felt far too small compared to what he actually felt, a “I didn’t mean that” that didn’t sound entirely right because Eddie knew it wasn’t true, a “How’s Theo?” that even felt insufficient after the argument they had had.

Buck and Theo’s absence had settled all throughout the house like something tangible, like a physical entity. Eddie noticed it in the shoes that were no longer piled up by the entrance, in the way there were missing plates and utensils on the table, in the loud laughter of a four-year-old child.

A rather deep,  and dramatic, in Eddie’s opinion, sigh from Chris was what pulled him out of that spiral of thoughts.

“What’s wrong, bud?”

Chris alternated his gaze between the pizza box in front of them and the slice he had served himself onto his plate, as though the relationship the teenager had established between those two things was more than enough to answer Eddie’s question.

“This pizza is missing pineapple.”

It was a simple sentence, but one that worked like the first blow delivered by an opponent you aren’t prepared to face.

“It’s not so bad to eat pizza without pineapple every once in a while, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want pizza with pineapple. Buck always orders it because he knows I like it more than the others.”

Eddie didn’t respond to that comment because, how could he when he knew the teenager was right? How on earth was he supposed to respond to that elaborate metaphor Chris had just come out with? Also, Buck liked that topping on pizza, but if it was one of his choices when it came to dinner, it was because he knew Chris loved that combination of flavors.

Chris fixed his gaze on Eddie, watching him far too closely, with an attentiveness that didn’t belong to a teenager his age.

“Are you guys still mad at each other?”

Eddie looked away, focusing on the damn pizza.

-We’re not mad, Chris.” How was he supposed to explain to Chris what had happened without altering the dynamic they had? “It’s just… adult stuff.”

Hearing his son huff, Eddie looked back at him, only to find him raising an eyebrow in the exact same way Buck did.

“Dad, come on.”

Eddie sighed slowly because of course Chris had noticed. He was no longer a child those kinds of things could slip past unnoticed; he was a sharp teenager, one smart enough to realize that something serious had happened if it meant Buck and Theo weren’t having dinner with them.

“We argued.” Eddie finally admitted. “We argued because ever since he decided to foster Theo, it’s always been the four of us, you know? We’ve always done everything together. And the moment they called to tell him Theo had fallen, it was like none of that had mattered. He pushed me aside, so I threw it back in his face.”

It felt good to be honest, even if the person receiving that honesty was his teenage son. It felt good to say out loud what had been worrying him, even though he was aware that, most likely, he had no reason to feel that way.

Chris stayed quiet for a few seconds, as though he were deliberately choosing the words he was going to say.

“I don’t think you were wrong.” Chris finally said. “I mean, you were right that it’s been the four of us ever since he fostered Theo, but maybe that wasn’t the right moment to tell him how you felt about it.”

Eddie blinked, stunned, which made Chris huff in disbelief.

“Dad, how did you react every time something happened to me at school?”

The same way Buck reacted, he thought.

“Exactly.” Chris followed his train of thought. “At that moment, Buck couldn’t think about anything other than Theo, and you dropped a nuclear bomb.”

“I don’t think it was nuclear. A bomb? Sure, but not that big.”

Chris looked at him over his glasses, still wearing an incredulous expression.

“Are we talking about the same Buck who thinks he has to earn people’s love just by existing?”

Eddie blinked again. At what point had his son figured out the reason why Buck always acted the way he did?

“From what you said, you made him realize that we’re a family.” Chris continued, as though he weren’t completely dismantling the argument with his reasoning. “Which isn’t a lie, but, knowing Buck, he’s probably spent all day thinking about what you said and how he screwed up because he didn’t know how to react.”

Could his son stop being right about everything?

“Dad.” Chris reached out and placed a hand on his father’s arm. “I don’t want us to stop being a family. I don’t want to lose Buck, and I don’t want to lose Theo either.”

The world seemed to stand still for a few seconds.

Eddie stared harder at Chris, who looked smaller than he actually was because of the way he had lowered his head, because of all the sincerity hidden inside his words.

The word “family” echoed loudly inside Eddie’s ears, but it didn’t sound like the countdown to an explosion anymore; it sounded like a mantra, one that brought both calm and warmth.

In that moment, the final pieces of the puzzle clicked into place.

It wasn’t only panic over realizing he had found one, no. It was the panic and underlying fear that came with knowing there was a possibility of losing it.

The horrible and deep fear that surfaced every time Eddie wanted something too much, because wanting things meant they could disappear. The supposed fear of commitment because of the negative consequences it could bring.

Then, the memory of a conversation with Bobby in the station loft appeared in his mind. Words he hadn’t understood back then, but that suddenly made perfect sense.

“You don’t seem to have a problem committing to certain things.”

Was that what Bobby had meant when they talked? Had Bobby been referring to him and Buck, inseparable from the moment they met, having gone through every kind of horror and always finding their way back to each other? Had Bobby signed them up for the Nashville games because he trusted them, not only as firefighters, but also as partners?

No, he had never been afraid of committing to Buck and to the real meaning his presence carried in their lives. Buck had always been a constant and, the moment he fostered Theo, they had become two constants.

Two constants added to two other constants, whose result was a family.

And Eddie hadn’t done anything to keep that result the same. He thought he had been giving Buck space to sort out his thoughts, but, if he was honest, what he had really been doing was running away, just like he had done with Shannon in the past.

He didn’t think about it a second time. He stood up so quickly that Chris lifted his head from the pizza box, looking surprised.

“Dad?”

“I’m going to find Buck so we can talk.”

Eddie had already turned around, heading toward the front door of the house, so he couldn’t see the smile spreading across the teenager’s face.

He grabbed his car keys and didn’t hesitate to open the front door.

Eddie wasn’t expecting anyone on his porch. Eddie expected to get into his car and head to Buck’s house before the distance between them grew too wide to fix.

So, when he lifted his gaze from the doorknob with the intention of starting his journey, he couldn’t help but freeze in surprise when he found Buck standing in front of him. A Buck who looked exhausted, as though he had spent hours overthinking everything, and whose hand was halfway toward ringing the doorbell.

“Oh, hi.” Buck pulled his hand back and shoved it into his pocket. “Theo’s with Maddie, she owes me several babysitting nights. Do you mind if I come in so we can talk?”

“That’s my cue to go to my room and put my headphones on at full volume!” Chris’s voice rang out from the living room. “Please fix it quickly so I can eat pineapple pizza again soon!”

Buck let out a small laugh while Eddie stepped aside to let him into the house. Buck greeted Chris with a nod just as the teenager was heading toward his room.

Eddie quickly closed the front door and, the moment he turned toward Buck, he was already wearing an expression Eddie was very familiar with: he was about to start talking and there was no one in this world capable of stopping him from saying what he wanted to say.

“You were right.”

Eddie took a step toward him, but Buck shook his head.

“No, Eddie, I need to tell you what I think. I need to tell you what I think because I haven’t done anything else since I left yesterday.”

Buck slowly let out a breath while he began pacing from side to side, the way he always did whenever he was nervous, whenever something was eating him alive inside and he needed to talk about it.

“I know you wanted to help me yesterday, I know because it’s what I’ve been doing with Chris for years,” Eddie swallowed hard at those words “but I panicked, Eddie. I panicked when you admitted that you saw the four of us as something together, not because I didn’t want it or because I hadn’t noticed the things people say or think, but because, until that moment, I hadn’t realized how much I wanted it.”

Eddie’s heart pounded hard inside his chest, feeling that warmth returning there again. That feeling he had missed more than anything else, even after only one day.

“And then I said that I was the only one who had fostered Theo when all I’ve done since then is involve both you and Chris in his life, when neither of you had to be there.” Buck smiled, disbelief written all over his face. “I didn’t have time to think about what I’d said until I saw Theo was okay and my brain started replaying everything that happened.”

Buck stopped pacing until he was standing directly in front of Eddie, his blue eyes looking straight into Eddie’s, completely vulnerable, exposing exactly how he truly felt.

“It completely destroyed me, the idea that you meant it seriously, because it’s all I’ve ever wanted, Eddie. You didn’t use the word family to describe us, but that’s how you think of us, right?” Buck let out a breathy laugh. “The worst part is that that’s all I’ve ever wanted. I’ve always wanted a family and, ever since I fostered Theo, it’s been right in front of my face because we made it together.”

“That probably means I have feelings for you too, but honestly, I still wasn’t ready to analyze that because…”

The warmth fully exploded inside Eddie’s chest the moment the words “I have feelings for you” left Buck’s mouth.

He couldn’t keep listening to Buck tear himself apart when the two of them felt exactly the same. He couldn’t keep letting him carry guilt they both shared.

Eddie still thought there was no one in this world capable of stopping Buck once he got into that state, but what Eddie had never stopped to consider was that there was one simple thing capable of cutting him off instantly.

So, Eddie kissed him.

Whatever Buck had been about to say, he couldn’t anymore because Eddie crashed his mouth against Buck’s after placing both hands on either side of his face and cradling it with all the love he felt for him.

Buck froze completely for a second before grabbing Eddie by the shirt and kissing him back as though he had been holding himself back for far too long.

As though both of them had been doing exactly that. As though that kiss was the point they had both been meant to reach after everything, a destination that felt more like the beginning of something than the end of another story.

When they finally pulled apart, they were still far too close, even breathing the same air. Buck looked at him with his eyes shining impossibly bright, as though he still couldn’t quite believe it.

“Eddie…”

The way Buck said his name, with devastating vulnerability, offering him his heart on a silver platter, made Eddie close his eyes before resting his forehead against the other man’s.

For the first time all day, the panic disappeared.

“We’ve been a family since before you fostered Theo, Buck,” Eddie whispered, practically against Buck’s mouth. “but I think we needed him to realize it. I just got scared when I realized how much it could hurt to lose what we have.”

Buck let out a shaky breath, his chest rising and falling unevenly. His hands were still clutching Eddie’s shirt, as though he were afraid that if he let go, Eddie might disappear.

“You’re not going to lose us, Eddie.” Buck whispered back. “We’re not going to lose each other. We’re a family, right? We fight to find our way back to each other. Always.”

Eddie opened his eyes again at the certainty in Buck’s words.

Their gazes met once more and blue melted into brown. Their eyes, in the same way they had since the moment they met, were enough to tell each other everything they were thinking.

They had never needed to establish that they were a family because that truth lived in the little things. It lived in the fact that they had always chosen to stay, it lived in the fact that they had always made room for four instead of only two, it lived in the fact that they loved each other as though the other person already belonged there.

Eddie didn’t hesitate to lean in again to steal another small kiss from Buck, a kiss Buck welcomed with the beginning of a smile on his face.

When they pulled apart again, both men were smiling. Both had their eyes open, their attention fixed solely on the other person, absorbing one of the first moments of many they still had ahead of them.

That was when Buck sniffed the air and his gaze shifted toward the dining table, where the pizza box still sat open.

“Did you guys have pizza? Tell me there’s some left, I still haven’t had dinner.”

Eddie stepped away from Buck and let out a soft laugh. Their hands found each other naturally, their fingers intertwining around the other’s as though they had been made to fit together.

“Yeah, but I have to tell you, it doesn’t have pineapple on it.” Buck dramatically turned his head toward him, looking offended. “My house, my rules.”

Buck frowned and began walking toward Chris’s room. Eddie, who was being dragged down the hallway because he didn’t want to let go of Buck’s hand, knew he was about to witness the beginning of a mutiny led by Buck and faithfully followed by his son due to the absence of pineapple pizza, but he didn’t mind at all.

“Well, I think we’re going to have to establish a set of rules when the four of us live together. Our house, the four of our rules.”

The panic stayed hidden. There was no room for it anymore. There was no place for it because, in that moment, Eddie realized he had everything he wanted and there was no reason left to be afraid.

Only the simple certainty that there are people who truly come into your life intending to stay, until they become your very own home.