Chapter Text
Maddie Han is a busy woman. She works full time at a demanding job. She works a second and even more demanding full time job as mother to two children under the age of seven. She has a husband she still likes to see occasionally, complete with his own equally demanding jobs as fire captain and Dad. Friends she likes to touch base with. A brother she adores and frets over in equal measure. A new nephew who she also adores just as much as his father (even if fretting over them both feels almost like her third full time job).
Despite all this, she somehow manages to stay on top of things ninety-nine times out of a hundred. And the one time she slips up is always low stakes. Like when she’s apologizing to Miss J for being late to pick up Theo from preschool.
“Traffic was a nightmare,” she says, “I hope he didn’t get into any trouble, waiting.” (Again, she adores her nephew. But he has her baby brother’s youthful rambunctiousness turned up to eleven, and she has the energy of someone in middle age instead of middle school this go around.)
Miss J just laughs, “Maddie! Did you forget? It’s Tuesday.”
Maddie blinks at her, not understanding. “Yes? I know, Tuesday is my—”
Everything catches up to her. It’s Tuesday. She’s supposed to pick Theo up on Thursdays now. Buck is starting a new parent management training course, this one recommended by Theo’s social worker for children with ADHD.
(“He has to cut the cord eventually,” Howie groused when Buck first made the request to extend his parental leave an extra month partly to accommodate this session, “And being a parent isn’t something you can learn, you just have to do it.”
“He’s scared,” Maddie replied, “He’s doing it alone. It makes him feel in control.”)
“Oh, you poor thing,” Miss J says sympathetically, “I hope you didn’t come too far out of your way. Anyway, you probably passed Buck’s husband on your way out, they just left.”
“No, my kids are with my in-laws, they live close by—” Maddie says, distracted, when Miss J’s words sink in. “I’m sorry, what? Buck isn’t…he doesn’t have a husband.” She wonders for a brief moment if Miss J means Eddie, which would be an easy mistake to make. But no; she knows Eddie is on duty because Howie is on duty.
It’s Miss J’s turn to look confused, “Yes he does?”
“I think I’d know if my brother got married,” Maddie says. Her heart starts racing. Someone took Theo from daycare, she thinks. Someone who isn’t Buck, someone who lied about being his husband, how the fuck did that happen, I had to practically give a vial of blood to get put on the authorized pickup list—
“Who was this guy? This supposed husband?” Maddie says, digging frantically for her phone. Should she call Athena or Buck first?
Miss J passes her tablet to Maddie, “Here, look.”
Maddie pauses, phone in hand. She stares at the tablet like she’s never seen one before, wondering what the hell she’s supposed to be looking at. Theo’s preschool uses an app for pickup lists, with authorized adults listed by name next to a thumbnail photo. Theodorus Vincent Riley has a very long list, with all the usual suspects: Buckley, Evan (father). Riley, Willadean (grandmother). Han, Maddie (aunt). Han, Howard (uncle) Diaz, Edmundo (family friend). Grant-Nash, Athena (family friend). Wilson, Henrietta (family friend). Wilson, Karen (family friend).
Then she registers the last name on the list, and likely the most recent.
Kinard, Thomas (stepfather).
The thumbnail photo is a familiar handsome face with its lantern jaw and cleft chin, smiling awkwardly.
What. The actual fuck.
Maddie Han is a busy woman, with a lot on her plate, but not so much she’d forget her brother getting married. To his ex. To his ex that vanished almost immediately after Bobby’s funeral, right when Buck needed him, froze him out and hasn’t been seen since.
She passes the tablet back with shaking hands. Miss J is looking concerned and a little embarrassed, “Is there a problem?”
“No,” Maddie lies. There are so many problems.
****
Maddie allows herself five minutes to sit in her car, staring at nothing in particular as the last students are picked up by their parents. Then she calls Anne Lee, asks if she minds keeping Jee and Nash for a few hours longer than planned. Anne says of course she doesn’t.
Maddie stares at her phone after she disconnects, considering. Then she pulls up Tommy’s contact information. She’s never called or texted him. There was never a reason. She also never got around to deleting it. Maybe just in case he ever needs a favor; she might not like the man but she owes him.
After the lab she was ready to forgive Tommy for breaking Buck’s heart. As far as romantic gestures went that was a pretty big one. She was willing to, if not forget, at least overlook all her reservations she’d had since the beginning of their relationship. She resolved to accept it when Buck inevitably took him back.
Only the inevitable didn’t happen. Tommy showed up at Bobby’s funeral with his resting bitch face, carried the coffin of the man Buck considered a second father, made all the polite sympathetic noises, then just…disappeared.
Maddie plugs Tommy’s address into her GPS and pulls out of the preschool parking lot. Tommy’s house unfortunately isn’t far away, she could use a bit more time to figure out what the fuck she’s going to say. Besides “Buck, what were you thinking?”
A rhetorical question. Her brother often doesn’t think, so many of his actions are driven by how he feels. Better to ask what Tommy was thinking. The guy who ran out when Buck wanted more; who ran again when he realized where Buck’s heart actually laid; and ran again, third time’s the charm, after Bobby died.
Part of her desperately hopes Buck lied to Theo’s preschool for reasons unknown. Not a great look, but a hell of a lot better than actually jumping into a marriage with someone after what, a few months back together? How would that look to Theo’s social worker?
That hope fizzles out when she reaches Tommy’s porch and sees some of Theo’s Thomas the Train Minis scattered like breadcrumbs. Her nephew has approximately six million of them at a conservative estimate. They’re stored in a special case that he drags everywhere with him, and he also never loses or forgets any of them. Homework, sweaters, shoes, other toys, but not the Thomas Minis.
She rings the doorbell and waits. She can hear noise coming from the backyard, voices and a familiar child’s delighted shrieks. Music, too—it sounds like ABBA of all fucking things.
There’s not a soul out there
No one to hear my prayer—
Maddie sees a flash of shock in Tommy’s eyes when he opens the door, but only a flash. He shutters his expression so fast that Maddie can almost hear the rattling of the locks.
“Maddie,” Tommy says evenly, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Really?” she asks, staring pointedly at Buck’s car in the driveway, then down at the Thomas Minis.
“Ah,” Tommy says, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. His left hand, with a gold band on his ring finger. He sighs, “I suppose you’d better come in.”
****
“Evan’s outside with Theo. Wait here, I need to warn him first,” Tommy says bluntly after he shows her in.
Part of her wants to ask who the hell Tommy thinks he is. Instead she gives him a tight smile, because the answer to that is “Buck’s husband” apparently.
Jesus.
Maddie takes in Tommy’s living room while she waits. The decor is masculine--hardwood floors, earth tones, and art prints of vintage firefighting equipment. It makes the kitchen play set in one corner contrast all the more sharply. Maddie drifts closer to inspect it. A cursory glance tells her it’s the fancy wooden one Buck has been drooling over, complete with an array of toy food. Maddie picks up watermelon slice at random—it’s two wooden pieces held together with velcro, so it can be “chopped” in half with one of the little toy knives. Maddie feels a flash of betrayal when she spots the tiger apron that she bought for her nephew (it’s adorable, with the tigers face on the bib and ears by the ties, the pocket shaped like paws).
Maddie is concentrating so hard that she doesn’t hear when Buck comes in. She jumps a little when he softly says her name. She straightens, takes in a deep breath, and turns to face him.
Buck is wearing what looks more like yard work clothes than the stuff he usually plays with Theo. Boots and cargo pants stained with dirt on the knees, a trucker hat jammed over his curls, a faded LAFD t-shirt a few sizes too big with the sleeves cut off.
His expression is just as shuttered as Tommy’s was.
“Where’s your wedding ring?” Maddie asks. She had no idea what she was planning on saying first until that came out.
Buck wordlessly tugs on a chain around his neck until he pulls out a simple gold band that matches the one she saw on Tommy’s finger.
(She’s noticed that chain around his neck before today, but she can’t remember when he started wearing it.)
Buck drops the chain so it falls against his chest. “What are you doing here?”
“I forgot your new sessions are Thursdays instead of Tuesdays,” Maddie says, “I showed up to get Theo, and…”
“And they told you Tommy picked him up,” Buck says, looking away from her. A muscle in his jaw twitches.
“Buck,” Maddie says, searching for words, “What the hell is going on?”
That muscle in Buck’s jaw twitches again, and when he turns back to Maddie he looks defiant, “I got married.”
“When?”
“Couple of weeks ago,” Buck says nonchalantly, like he's discussing buying a new dishwasher.
“To Tommy? When did you…I didn’t even know you were seeing him again.”
“Would that really be so crazy?” Buck asks. He says it petulantly, like a reference to something she should know. Maddie doesn't have time to figure it out.
“I mean, the way he ghosted you after Bobby—”
“He had his reasons for that,” Buck says defensively.
“What reasons?”
“The kind that are none of your business,” Buck snaps.
“Okay, whatever,” Maddie says, gesturing dismissively, “And I’m sure they’re perfectly valid reasons—”
“They’re good enough for me, and that’s what matters,” Buck says.
“I still…why did you marry him?”
Buck presses his lips together and draws in a single slow breath, then raises his chin and says, “Lockwood Academy.” At her confused expression he explains, “It’s one of the best private elementary schools in the country for students with ADHD and other learning disabilities. A lot of emphasis on STEM, on learning by doing instead of just sitting and listening to a teacher. Anyway, the yearly tuition is about what I’m paying in rent, and Tommy owns this place free and clear.”
Maddie stares at him, “Come again? Are you telling me you married your ex for his house? Buck, if you needed money—”
“No,” Buck snaps, “I married him because I love him and he’s the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. But you wouldn’t believe that if I said it, so I went with the practical benefits.”
Maddie realizes then that Buck isn’t defiant or defensive, he is utterly and completely furious. At her.
(She’s hit with a memory from years ago, sitting across from her parents for the first time in years. Buck seems fine, Margaret said, and Maddie responded with, He’s good at that. Seeming fine.)
Maddie opens her mouth and closes it again. She searches for a rejoinder, because he’s right. She doesn’t think he really loves Tommy. Maybe Buck thinks he does—because he’s the first guy; or because he checks many of the same boxes as the person he really wants but can’t have. He doesn’t really know Tommy, not well enough to get married, to legally bind himself and his son to him.
“Exactly,” Buck says, grinning with all his teeth, like he read her mind.
“Buck,” she says, “That’s not…it doesn’t matter what your reasons are. How do you think this looks to, to Theo’s caseworker? That you impulsively married your ex?”
Buck’s custody of the boy isn’t secure despite being his biological father. Connor Riley was his legal father, Buck signed a contract waiving away all his parental rights when he made the donation. Buck already had several strikes against him when he applied for his emergency foster care license—single, a dangerous job, a recent episode of drug abuse. He only managed it by the skin of his teeth because the state always tries to place children with people who have some connection, no matter how tenuous.
Buck laughs at her in disbelief, “Seriously, Maddie? No, it never entered my head. I certainly didn’t consult Dierdra, or Dr. Gill, or my lawyer, or Tommy’s lawyer—who is much better than mine—before I made this life-altering decision.”
“What about Willa?” Maddie asks, undeterred.
Connor’s family is a non-issue. They’ve been estranged since Buck first met Connor over a decade ago. They didn’t even come to the funeral, and apparently never viewed Theo as Connor’s actual son. Kameron’s family is another matter, her mother specifically. Willa is the person who can cause Buck the most trouble is she takes issue with how he raises her grandson. She had actually wanted to take Theo, and would have if she were physically able. But she’s in the middle of a battle with ovarian cancer, and her longterm prognosis is a question mark. Maddie’s only met Willa a few times; not enough to make a judgement on whether she would object to Buck gay marrying his ex boyfriend—
“Willa,” Buck says icily, “Acted as our witness. I’m going to take a wild guess that she approves.”
Maddie gapes at him. She’s been so wrapped up in her worry that Buck has fucked up his life irrevocably that she hadn’t thought of everything else involved. Her brother got married, and he didn’t want there. Her brother invited a woman that he’s only known for a few months instead of her. She only found out he got married by accident.
“I can’t believe you wouldn’t at least tell me,” Maddie says. She knows trying not to cry is pointless.
Buck is unmoved, if anything sounds even colder when he says, “You of all people do not get to judge me for keeping secrets.”
Buck’s words aren’t like getting punched in the gut. Maddie knows from plenty of bitter experience how bullshit that cliche is—getting punched is like getting punched. Words have nothing on a fist. It still fucking hurts to hear those words from her brother’s mouth, in that tone of barely contained fury.
“If we’re going there,” Maddie says, wiping her eyes, “Every time I kept a secret it turned out to be a mistake. A mistake that hurt me and the people closest to me.”
“Fine, point taken. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I should have. Please forgive me.”
“I had a right to know,” Maddie says, “I’ve been here for you, since Theo, helping you, watching him when you couldn’t—”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Buck interrupts, his play act of contrition gone, “I didn’t know babysitting entitled someone to, to rights. Let me pull up my calendar for the past six years and we can decide how much you owe me. Is it just babysitting?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, “You do not get to have an opinion on this.”
“How can I not have an opinion?” she cries out, “You’re my brother, and I love you, and, and I’m worried about you! Jumping into such a huge change without telling anybody!”
“Oh,” Buck says, “Did you miss the sarcasm, earlier? When I said I hadn’t consulted all those people, I really meant the opposite.”
“So you’ve consulted the lawyers and filled out the paperwork. You’re married now. Mazel tov! Legally you’re in the clear. But have you really thought about Theo? Letting him get attached to someone who has a serious pattern of bailing? He’s already lost two parents, and you’re just setting him up to lose another.”
Buck goes white when she says that, his anger vanishing with shocking speed. His eyes go wide and wet, and his lower lip trembles. He looks so much like the twenty-one-year old who said he couldn’t go back home, that things had gotten even worse since she left, the twenty-one-year-old who crashed the shiny motorcycle he just bought because it did nothing to ease the ache inside him.
She finds herself reacting the same way she did then, reaching out to touch his cheek.
He jerks back, teeth bared. He stares at her for several moments, breath harsh, “Get out.”
“Evan, I just—”
“Stop talking!” he shouts, ignoring her flinch. His eyes are red and bright and he is so, so angry at her and she has no idea how all this happened.
“Evan, please don’t, just talk to me, please—”
Buck moves then. He storms past her, fists clenched, so fast she jumps. He doesn’t stop until he reaches Tommy’s front door and throws it open, “Here is the fucking door, Maddie. I’m going back outside to be with my son and my husband, and you need to leave. Right now.”
Her protests die. He won’t even look at her, “Okay.” She pauses at the door, “I love you.”
She thinks he won’t answer at first, “I love you too. That’s why you have to go, before I say something—” He cuts himself off and closes his eyes, “Please just leave.”
****
Maddie Han is used to pulling herself together for the sake of her kids. She works a job where she has listened to terrified people beg her for help she can’t give as they die. She doesn’t get to fall apart, she has to move on to help the next person, and she has to leave it all behind when she collects her children.
The fight with Buck is considerably harder to put away. Anne Lee spots her red eyes when she comes to pick up the kids and offers her tea. Maddie really wants to take her up on it, but doesn’t dare. She knows the woman’s kindness will make her fall apart. She almost falls apart anyway when Jee asks where Theo is.
“He’s coming over Thursday afternoons now, remember?” Maddie replies, somehow able to keep the tremor out of her voice. Jee is unhappy about this. While she likes to pretend her new cousin is so annoying, bossing him around is the new great passion of her life.
Maddie debates on whether to call Howie or wait for him to get off in the morning during the entire drive home. The issue is solved at a red light only a few miles away from the house, when Siri interrupts the music to announce through the car’s speakers that Buck has added a new text to “118 Need to Know” thread.
“Uncle Buck!” Jee cries out, and that is apparently enough for the stupid robot to decide to read the text aloud:
Hey everyone! FYI, Tommy and I got married on September 25. Theo and I are in the process of moving to his place. We’ll be there officially just in time for Halloween! Don’t worry about helping, we’ve already got everything covered. Here’s our new address in case you don’t have it:
Siri proceeds to read out the address that Maddie just left.
The music returns to its normal volume, some Kpop band Jee is obsessed with this week. Only for a minute or two before it lowers again to announce texts from Howie, Eddie, Hen, Harry, another from Howie, Ravi—
“Ugh, mommy, I want to listen to the music!”
“Siri, stop reading texts,” Maddie says futilely. Because that evil fucking robot only listens to her when it feels like it, so keeps steadily announcing new texts from everyone all the way home.
Maddie has only just finished unloading the kids from the car when Howie calls.
“Hey, sweetie,” Howie’s voice is gentle and tender, the audio equivalent of stroking her hair. She almost starts crying again. “You’re on speakerphone. Everyone say ‘hi’.”
There’s a chorus of “hi’s” and one “hello” that sounds like it’s from Harry. It makes her smile at the same time it strengthens her. She’s not alone. She clears her throat and says, “Hey, everyone.”
There’s a beat of silence, then Howie cautiously asks, “So. I’m assuming you got Buckaroo’s text.”
“Yeah,” she answers, then before anyone can ask, “He’s not joking. I, uh, I was just at Tommy’s place.”
“Did you know?” Howie asks.
“No, I just found out,” Maddie says, “I, uh, I think the timing of that text was so he could get ahead of me telling anyone.”
“You had no idea?” Eddie’s voice.
“Not a clue, I—” Something occurs to her then, and she pulls up her text messages. She goes to the thread between just her and Buck and scrolls back until she gets to September 18.
Hey! Do you and Chim mind switching cousin night to next Friday instead of today? Something came up I need to take care of and that’s the only day I can do it.
Shouldn’t be a problem! Is this something you need help with?
No, thanks! You’re a life saver! :)
“Maddie?” Hen’s voice.
“Sorry,” Maddie says, shaking herself and blinking away a few tears.
“I asked if he cleared the move with Deirdra,” Hen says.
“Apparently,” Maddie replies, remembering Buck’s angry, sarcastic words.
“And she signed off on it?” Hen says.
“I guess so,” Maddie says, then remembers how Buck phrased it. They were “in the process” of moving, and it would take them until the end of this month. Maybe Deirdra hadn’t signed off on the move or the marriage. Buck had only said he consulted her—
She hears the alarms go off on the other end of the line. “Honey, we gotta go,” Howie shouts. She shouts back that she’ll talk to him later, then disconnects.
Maddie studies her phone thoughtfully before giving herself a shake.
They’ve been married less than three weeks, weren’t living together yet…
Maddie feels something like hope. It’s not too late for her brother to come to his senses, if she can just figure out the right approach—
Maddie goes to check on her children. She’s a busy woman, she’s used to having a lot on her plate, used to be doing one thing while the bulk of her attention is actually engaged with the best solution to a problem. She’ll figure this out.