Chapter Text
Damon had a strange relationship with being touched.
It wasn’t something he necessarily craved from others. Physical touch was reserved for his family: his mom hugging him after a successful debate, his grandma rubbing his cheeks and arms as she asked him how he was doing. Even his dad, unaccustomed to physical affection, had patted Damon on the head once in a while.
Outside of that? An excellent, unparalleled Ultimate was different from the average nobody. As the rising star and breadwinner of his family, Damon Maitsu had no need for anyone else. Whether that be emotionally or physically, he couldn’t stand exposing his vulnerabilities to people he couldn’t trust.
And if sometimes, he stared a little too long at the casual contact that his peers shared with each other… Well, it didn’t mean anything. The Ultimate Debater had better things to think about, like accomplishments and awards that only someone of his caliber could achieve. Indulging in childish activities like touch held little meaning in the grand scheme of things.
It was with this mindset that Damon entered Eden’s Garden Academy—unaware that, for better or worse, his perspective would be irrevocably changed.
Getting kidnapped into a killing game sounded like the exact kind of fantastical premise you’d expect from fiction.
It was ridiculous, and yet terrifyingly real. The mock trial proved that the organizers were willing to go above and beyond for this game. What was stopping Tozu and Mara from threatening them, or their families, if one of them didn’t kill? How could Damon trust that his idiotically naïve classmates wouldn’t go for an easy escape, dooming them all?
Damon didn’t understand why none of them could see that. It was obvious that blind optimism would only increase their chances of being killed. He was helping them with that reminder.
The thought of his family getting hurt, of losing the reason why he worked so hard to be exceptional… No. It couldn’t happen. Damon simply wouldn’t let it. But taking a life wasn’t easy, and he had no desire to do so unless he had to.
Not everyone would feel the same way. It was important to recognize that. If only Wolfgang had understood such a basic concept. Then he wouldn’t be busy excluding Damon and Eva from everything, hypocritically painting a target on their backs. Asshole.
Whatever. At least Eva was with him. She was… weird, but tolerable. Certainly better company than the gaggle of sycophants. Damon shuddered to think about waking up in the same room as that violent golfer or vapid influencer.
Meanwhile, like Damon, Eva was intelligent and appropriately skeptical. The only thing that shocked him was her insistence on carrying him so they could see through the boiler room vent. The feeling of sitting on someone else’s shoulders was awkward, but not unpleasant. At the time, Damon had been too focused on seeing through the vent without falling from Eva’s shaky hold. Now, though, he couldn’t help but remember that one instance of touch—how warm it was against his thighs, how his body shivered at the contact from a stranger.
He didn’t like it. Because it felt a little too nice, and Damon Maitsu wasn’t a person who indulged in that sort of thing. Eva probably didn’t care about it either. Besides, getting attached in a killing game seemed like the worst idea ever.
So, even if a small part of him wished otherwise, Damon refrained from touching anyone else. It wasn’t difficult; people weren’t exactly begging to be near him at the moment.
And that suited him just fine.
Rooming with Kai was nothing like how he imagined.
Damon’s first impression of him had been surface level—a shallow, self-centered person with a penchant for crocodile tears. That impression persisted throughout the mock trial, though the tears now seemed genuine given how paranoid he was. Seriously, how did the guy even live if he seemed to be scared of his own shadow?
Regardless, now that they were stuck together, Damon was beginning to realize that maybe there was more to Kai than he initially believed.
First of all, Kai wasn’t a terrible roommate. Dividing the room and making Damon sleep on the sofa was annoying… but he did seem genuinely relieved to have Damon there. And Kai didn’t seem like the type to kill. Safety was paramount in a situation like this, so it put both of their minds at ease to have some form of protection. A logical relationship.
(Selfishly, Damon enjoyed it when he saw Kai waiting for him before they slept. Something in his chest settled, content and satisfied, at the thought of someone being happy because of his presence.)
As they spent more time together—a side effect of forced proximity—Damon had even come to respect the other man. Just a little. Earning a talent in two years was impressive. And true to his title, Kai held a fair amount of influence in garnering trends. Similar to a debater, his words could easily change the world—a valuable asset for the UTP. It made sense why they picked him.
Kai was also surprisingly easy to talk to once he relaxed. Their banter felt natural, and Damon was becoming comfortable with speaking his mind around him. Seeing Kai laugh at his acerbic humor, tone fond as he chatted with Damon… It was nice.
Though that didn’t change how irritating he could be.
Case in point: Kai was currently bothering Damon into retrieving his ring from under the fridge. With his “skinny arms.”
Unamused, Damon turned to leave. Kai had plenty of rings, so what would losing one matter?
“H-Hey, don’t walk away!”
He would have ignored him, had Kai not sprung forward and captured his arm.
“Ah!”
Damon flinched. The warmth of another person’s touch shocked his system, sending overwhelming shudders throughout his body. His shoulders dropped suddenly as he hyperfocused on the sensation. He, he was—uncomfortable? Confused? He couldn’t tell because his mind was empty. It was the strangest feeling to melt and tremble in Kai’s grasp, unsure if he wanted to lean into it or shake him off.
Luckily, his classmate didn’t seem to notice.
“Please, man… I need my ring back…” Kai sniffled, laying on the puppy dog eyes. The sight of Kai clinging to him helplessly was enough to push Damon into action. The sooner he helped the other man, the sooner Kai would stop bothering him.
“Fine. Show me where it is,” Damon relented.
As they made their way to the dining hall, his eyes kept drifting towards the iron-clad hold on his arm. Kai’s hands were large, covering Damon’s skin with heat even through the fabric of his blazer. He had pretty fingers which the rings only accentuated. Damon smothered the tiny part of him that wished there was no clothing between them, so that he could revel in the warmth up close…
When they arrived, Damon hastily shook off Kai’s grip. The loss was immediate, a hollow coldness seeping into his chest, but he couldn’t afford to be distracted.
After feeling around for the ring, Damon managed to fish it out with a smug grin. Once he presented it to Kai, the influencer jumped up and grabbed it, cradling it in his palm as if it were something precious.
“T-Thanks so much, man… Seriously, I mean it…!”
Kai’s smile was blinding, gratitude clear in his voice. The genuine smile made his eyes stand out—Damon hadn’t noticed until now how long his eyelashes were, beautifully framing the gold of his eyes.
…Those thoughts were dangerous.
Quickly, Damon shifted the topic back to why Kai was making such a big deal out of his rings. Interestingly enough, Kai told him about his close friend from high school who gave him that ring. The way Kai’s expression softened as he talked about her, eyes crinkled in happiness, then melancholy—it told Damon all he needed to know.
…Was it really worth it to build a close relationship like that, if you were just going to lose it all in the end?
Hunger.
It gnawed at the edges of his stomach, taking away his ability to think rationally, or even at all. There was no escaping it. Every time he saw Ulysses or Wenona, he was tempted to wring their necks just for a crumb to eat.
Wenona could justify her starvation scheme all she wanted—she was still ultimately crafting the perfect environment for a murder. It was Wolfgang all over again.
The only silver lining was that Kai was back to being his roommate again. Damon had admittedly been too hasty in kicking himself out from Kai’s room. Eva… Eva’s betrayal had wounded Damon in ways he didn’t like to think about. Isolation seemed to be the best choice to prevent himself from being hurt.
That was what he thought before he laid in his too-large bed, cold and afraid and alone with his thoughts. He missed the feeling of Kai breathing next to him, the steady rise and fall of his chest, the sleepy expression on his face when they woke up together. They stayed on their respective sides on the bed, but Damon enjoyed the occasional soft brush of Kai’s leg against his.
But he had thrown that away in his paranoia. Any second now, someone could enter his unlocked room and kill him. He would die, just like that. With no one else to witness his death.
Suffice to say, Damon regretted rejecting Kai. It took everything in him to apologize. Hell, he even made a list of reasons for why he would make a better roommate than Diana. (Why was he rooming with her, anyway?)
Damon didn’t know why he felt so strongly about this—only that being alone made him feel like he was sinking into a deep, yawning chasm.
…It didn’t matter. He and Kai had made up. The resolution of their argument actually seemed to bring them closer. They were together more often than not, a fact that Toshiko never failed to tease him with. Most everyone else expressed some degree of surprise or amusement, though Grace wasn’t quite able to hide the pained envy in her eyes.
As the killing game progressed, Damon found himself… seeking, if that was the right word.
His body seemed to do it unconsciously, lowering its guard around someone he trusted not to hurt him. It started with excuses: leaning against Kai’s shoulder as he whispered into Damon’s ear, pushing gently against his back to move him, brushing away a stray crumb from his cheek.
Then it became purposeful. He moved closer to Kai while they slept, feeling the heat of his body as their shoulders touched. Nothing more than that. Contrary to Damon’s expectations, Kai never shied away from the contact. Instead, the influencer sleepily dropped his head against Damon’s shoulder, nuzzling his head into the source of warmth.
That did funny things to Damon’s heart. He made sure he got out of bed early that day so Kai wouldn’t wake up and realize what had happened.
And late one night, after Kai had brought him food and stayed up late for him, Damon could feel himself softening. Kai looked so tired lately.
He placed a hand across Kai’s back, palm melded against the space between his shoulder blades. Damon guided the sleepy man back towards their bed and tucked them both in so that they were lying side by side.
Once settled, Kai’s head drooped down before he forced himself back up.
“Ughh.” Kai gave his cheeks a quick smack. “O-Okay! I’m awake. How’d the meeting go?”
Damon bit back a smile at how ridiculously sleepy he looked. “Fine,” he said. “You know, you don’t need to force yourself to stay awake.”
“Noooo, dude, I need to know!” Kai whined, kicking his feet against the bed. Then he paused for a moment and sighed, propping up his chin on one hand. “But seriously, you don’t have to tell me anything. Just… Is everything all right?”
Damon hadn’t intended on telling Kai much. But in this comfortable room with just the two of them, with Kai looking up at him in pure concern… Damon found that he wanted to tell him everything.
He took one of Kai’s hands in his (soft and warm and alive), layering them so that Damon’s hand rested on top. Kai gazed at him curiously, lips parted in surprise.
Ignoring the intimacy of the action—and the redness suffusing through his face—Damon began speaking. About the meeting, their classmates, the killing game. At some point, they started talking about their life before the game. What they would do when they got out. How afraid they were of dying. Kai listened attentively to every word, even as their eyelids grew heavier and sleep threatened to take them under.
…Being vulnerable around someone else was strange. He found himself talking about things he had never bothered talking about with others his age. And with each admission, Damon’s muscles relaxed as he curled towards Kai. He liked hearing the influencer’s thoughts, too… there were some unexpectedly profound statements mixed in with the dumb ones. Still, it provided a breath of levity that Damon hadn’t known he needed.
When he eventually drifted off to sleep, hand warm where it rested against Kai’s, Damon reflected on how important Kai had become to him. The least likely person he would have expected to trust—ended up being the one person he confided in. His head screamed at him for trusting yet another person after Eva. But something in Damon, that unnecessarily sentimental part of him, wanted to maintain this fragile connection.
He hesitated to call it anything deeper, because he wasn’t equipped to deal with such confusing feelings during a killing game.
Damon only hoped that they could both get out safely.
Hope never lasted long in a place like this.