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The last thing Kotone sees is Aigis. Blue eyes that match the sky framed by golden hair as bright as the sun. Gentle fingers that could turn any shadow into swiss cheese gently pet her hair. The leg under her head is cool and solid. Blanketed by the warmth of the sun, the encroaching darkness brings no fear. Not here, not like this.
“Go ahead and rest. I will be here,” Aigis promises.
Exhaustion weighs on her like an anchor; it would be easy to let herself sink - to slip away from the sakura trees and the sunshine. Still, she struggles to stay afloat.
Just a little bit longer.
There’s a bark in the distance.
Koromaru.
Excited yelling.
Junpei.
A retort.
Yukari.
Soft laughter.
Fuuka.
A proud statement.
Akihiko-senpai.
A calm declaration.
Mitsuru-senpai.
A polite greeting.
Ken-kun.
They're all here. They kept their promise.
Now, finally, after fighting for so long, Kotone closes her eyes.
(If she hears their panic – feels Aigis' hand go rigid above her. Well. That just meant they loved her, didn't they? She was loved at the end. So very loved.)
Becoming one with the Seal is easy. She floats down, down, down for a long time. The entire time, it feels like she's still lying on the bench, safely tucked in the midst of her friends.
In the darkness, tiny specks of light blink into existence one after another until the whole universe seems to look back at her. A glittering cloud of dust rolls out from beneath her - a golden nebula with pretty bursts of scarlet – stretching out until it dissolves into the black expanse.
This isn't so bad.
She picks out constellations until her descent slows to a stop. The Seal cradles her amongst the stars, suspended in space but not uncomfortable.
The weight that pulled her here persists. She thinks she could go back to sleep if she lets herself sink down just a little bit further.
Not yet. I want to look at the stars a little longer.
There's the north star. Ursa major and minor. Draco. Hercules. Leo. Cancer.
Gemini.
Then a sound like rolling thunder reverberates through the Seal. Twin peaks rise up from the nebula. The light of the stars reflect as a sheen off their surface. A pair of glowing red orbs follows after, and it's only then that she realizes the peaks are horns.
Teeth, large and flat and human, cradle the eyes in a black cloud above the palate. An even bigger hand reaches out to grab her.
This must be Erebus – the reason she formed the Seal. It is gargantuan, and as the hand draws closer, Kotone flinches.
Do not be scared, child.
Messiah!
Trust your bonds – our sacrifice.
Kotone doesn't feel anything when the hand closes around her. Despite Messiah's words, she is struck with the awful thought that Erebus will simply rip her away and shatter her with ease.
Oh, child.
Shame wells up.
I'm sorry.
Do not be.
Erebus pulls. The sensation is rattling. She feels the tug, muted despite how strong Erebus must be, but still uncomfortable.
You do not have to remain awake.
Messiah nudges her attention to the weight from before. She could surrender herself to it again and sleep through Erebus' attacks.
It's tempting.
Darkness begins to creep into her vision once more. Underneath Erebus' frustrated roars, Kotone imagines an odd whistling noise. One of the stars gleams.
Just before sleep takes her, Erebus recoils.
It releases her, turning away from her to reveal its second, smaller head and–
Kotone is suddenly wide awake. That's…!
–the handle of a familiar axe.
From above, a God Hand slams down on Erebus' larger face. It engulfs the universe in retaliatory fire with an angry roar.
“Damn!” A very, very familiar voice grunts.
A ghost enters her field of vision just in time for Kotone to watch him be crushed under Erebus' smaller arm.
It happens so fast, Kotone wonders if it really happened at all.
Then Erebus lifts Its hand, and blood drips down onto a newly formed patch of red.
Her mind is static. Erebus returns Its attention to her. Kotone doesn't feel any kind of trepidation over it. She's too focused on the nebula, with its gold and crimson hues bleeding into each other. There are a lot of places where red weaves into the gold in streaks and splatters.
She can’t speak here. His name still trembles into existence.
Shinjiro?
A God Hand lands on Erebus’ back. Kotone tries to look through the lightning Erebus calls down, and for the first time since creating the seal, feels fear as she realizes she cannot move.
The ghost runs in from the same direction as before, calling for a Brave Blade.
He looks exactly as she remembers him. Red coat, beanie, and all.
How?
Look, child.
Messiah directs her to her bonds. They are strong, steadily pulsing with power. She is closer to them now than since she formed the Seal. Shinji’s is…
What is that?
A whim.
Before Kotone can make sense of the indignant answer, Shinjiro is impaled by a tree of ice. Rivulets of red run down the branches. Blood drips down, and a new patch forms in the nebula.
The ice shatters. Shinjiro drops, his body sinking through the clouds.
Kotone stares for a long moment. She doesn’t know what to think.
Brave Blade slices into Erebus. Shinjiro comes running in from the same direction.
Kotone cannot even scream.
Stop!
Shinjiro is vaporized by a pillar of light.
Stop it!
A rain of arrows punches holes into him.
Please stop!
Wind slices through his neck, separating his head from his body.
Stop fighting!
Blood bursts from poisoned lungs.
Please…
Erebus grabs him.
Please just stop.
Those large, human teeth bite down.
One of her bonds goes taut. She resists at first, flinching back from the sensation. When she notices which bond it is, her world flips on its axis.
The Velvet Room has transformed. Light no longer passes through the windows, and the furniture is different. Theodore remains the same.
“Theo,” she breathes.
His eyes go wide, panic crossing his face in a way that would have been funny a lifetime ago.
He hears her.
She sobs. “Theo!”
His arms are warm. Soft, gloved hands brush away her tears as they flow. “Oh no. Oh, my dear guest. What has upset you so?”
“He- It- I can’t- he keeps-” She can’t get the words out. Frustrated, she smacks her sternum. The first time someone can hear her after what feels like a lifetime, and she can't stop crying.
“Help him,” she manages, clutching at him desperately. “Please, Theo.”
“I..,” Theo hesitates.
Her vision goes blurry with more tears.
“I believe you are the only one who can.”
“How?!” She wails. “I can’t do anything!”
He places a steadying hand on her back and meets her gaze. “It was the power of our bond that pulled you here. I ask that you do the same for him.”
It is possible.
Messiah floats to the front of her mind.
I shall guide you.
Red ribbon materializes in her hands, imprinted silver clocks catching in the light. Glowing golden stitching along the edges - what Messiah had called a whim - sends raw power careening up her arms.
Messiah bats it aside.
We have no need for that.
Kotone thinks she hears faint laughter, but it vanishes just as quickly as it had burst to life.
Theodore watches her curiously. She shakes her head, dismissing every doubtful thought rattling around in her skull, and pulls.
The way Shinjiro looks at her when he wakes up steals her breath away.
“Hi, Sunshine.”
All her anger bleeds away at that single sentence.
“Hi, Senpai.”
His head tilts towards her like a flower toward the sun. Her hand is tangled in his hair, idly playing with the strands and scratching at his scalp every now and then. There isn’t much to do in the Velvet Room, and she feels guilty any time she tries to entertain herself while he recovers from dying again.
Theo emerges quietly from his study. If he’s hoping to speak with Shinjiro, he’s a few seconds too late; Shinjiro is already asleep again.
“It is good that he has regained consciousness while in the Velvet Room,” Theo says, looking over the IV line. There’s no needle, just a disk that Theo had simply explained as ‘a way to put the blood back where it belongs’. Apparently, it’s easy to disturb, because he’s constantly checking on it.
It makes sense. Shinji can only exist in this room so long as she’s here. They can’t afford to waste time.
“Theo?” She tips her head back onto the couch cushion to look up at him.
“Yes?” He asks, ever attentive.
“Is there any way you and Shinjiro could form a bond?”
Theodore pauses his fussing with the blood bag. “Why do you ask?”
Kotone glances down at Shinji’s sleeping face. The crease in his brow is gone. He looks younger like this, less burdened.
“It would be best for him, wouldn’t it?” She asks, before pointing at the blood bag. “You said he has a lot of bags to go through.”
“Ah,” Theo clasps his hands behind his back, his eyes softening. “Indeed, he does.”
“I think you would get along,” Kotone muses to herself. “Shinjiro’s more of a softie than he seems. I bet if you installed a kitchen, you could start bonding over recipes!”
Theo hums, “Well, I do like to provide such services…”
“Right?” Kotone smiles. “You remember when I took you out for ramen?”
Theo nods.
“I bet Shinji-kun knows all kinds of recipes for you to make your own.”
Golden eyes gleam. “A most excellent idea! I shall make you both the finest of ramen. Noodles as long as my master’s nose! No-” he interrupts himself- “even longer!”
Kotone giggles at the thought.
Thank goodness for Theo.
Shinjiro beats Erebus.
If Kotone could jump up, both arms raised, and grab the closest person to her to shake the living daylights out of, she would.
Surely now he’ll move on. Find eternal rest or whatever. Abandon his fight. Ascend. Anything.
As soon as she is able, she follows her bond with Theo to the Velvet Room. To her delight, Shinjiro is already there.
“You’ll rest now, right?” She asks.
He might not have died again, but the way he’s laid out on the couch, he might as well have.
“For now,” he concedes.
The words hit her like a truck.
“W-Why?” She fumbles, unable to hold back the emotions his words dredge up.
“You always look best when you smile.”
That’s not fair. That’s not fair.
He’d asked her not to cry while he was dying. The love of her life - on his deathbed - and he had asked her not to be sad about it. Now here he is, doing the same thing. She wants to call him a bastard, an asshole, jerk, idiot, stupid-!
She’s so mad at him, she thinks she might yell at him.
But she can’t.
Because the bastard can’t stay awake long enough to hear it.
“Kotone!” Theodore rushes her shortly after she arrives. Shinji is fighting again; she can’t stand to watch - chooses instead to curl up on the couch under covers that smell like spices and iron.
She rolls over at Theo’s excitement. He brandishes an anklet at her. “Our Moon should be able to last longer with this!” Whatever explanation he has drowns beneath the sudden swelling of her rage.
“Why are you okay with this?!” She throws herself from the couch. “Why do you want him to last longer? What is wrong with you? With both of you?”
Immediately, she feels like a jerk. Theo stares at her with wide eyes.
He has only ever tried to help her. None of this was his fault.
“I… well, I…” He stutters. Then he takes a slow inhale in that way Shinjiro does when he’s faced with Akihiko at his most energetic and stubborn (the way he does sometimes when the fight with Erebus restarts, when he stands still for a second, head bowed like Atlus holding up the sky, just before he sets his jaw and squares his shoulders).
“Your well-being is more important to me than anything. The longer Aragaki-san lasts, the less damage you sustain.”
If Kotone could breathe fire, the Velvet Room would be ash. “Don't talk about him like that.”
She could burst into flames right now, and it would still pale in comparison to her anger. “Don't you ever say anything like that again.”
Theodore takes a step back as she stalks forward to grab a handful of his suit. “I don't care what either of you thinks. I am sick and tired of watching him die for me because you both think he's expendable,” she seethes.
Theo visibly bristles. “He is no such thing!”
“Because if he isn't taking the hits, it'll be me, right?” She snarls in his face, shaking him hard. “Well, guess what? That’s what I signed up for!”
Warmth rushes to her cheeks, and it just makes her angrier. She's had enough of the tears. She’s never liked being sad or angry, but she cannot fake a smile for this. “It was my sacrifice, not his!”
Theodore's hands cover her own. He makes no move to free himself. “Kotone-san, just as you have made your own choice, he has made his.”
“It’s not right!” Her hands tremble beneath Theodore's. He swipes his thumbs soothingly over the back of her hands, and she clings even tighter to her anger.
“My dear guest,” his eyes are kind but firm. “You agreed to take responsibility for your choices.”
She flinches. “Don't put this back on me.”
“Your being is now tied to humanity's continued existence. His reasons might be more personal, but it is undeniable that he now plays a role as well.”
So it's true.
It's my fault.
“It is not,” Theo declares. She must have spoken out loud. “There are many beings at fault, but you are not one of them.”
Theo glances at the anklet now hanging from his wrist. “Neither is he.”
“I simply mean to say that you have both made your choices. He respected yours. I ask that you respect his.”
Kotone shouldn't be arguing, should feel better at Theo's comforting, should start accepting that Shinji has thrown his lot in with her through his own free will. The anger is easier, even as it drains away.
“But it's because of our bond that…”
At that, Theo's eyes harden. “Your bonds are your strength. Never a weakness. Even if they are painful at times.”
She knew that - does know that. It's just…
“Is it only okay when you are the one dying?”
Kotone flinches. Theo's golden eyes flash, but he says nothing else. She bites her lip, stewing in more than a few thoughts.
“I'm allowed to be mad,” she declares. Theo does not protest. “But you're right. I've… been letting it fester and focused too much on it. I'm going to talk to Shinji, and if he still…” A breath shudders out of her lungs. “I'll respect it. Like you said.”
Theo smiles.
The next time Shinji is awake, Kotone barely opens her mouth before he's muttering into her stomach.
“I’m sorry,” he wheezes, and it draws her up short. “I was… cruel.”
“What do you mean?” She asks. He stares up at her, like he knows exactly what she had been about to confront him about.
“When you smile,” he whispers. Her eyes widen.
When was the last time she smiled? Months? Years?
“It’s like…” Shinjiro's eyes go hazy with a memory.
His memory! Theo mentioned he might forget some things, but they would come back as he went through the blood bags. Did he remember something? Something about her smile?
“It’s like you’re hurting, and you’re smiling just to bear it.”
The silence of the Velvet Room never seemed so loud. The constant singing growing fainter with each passing visit. Kotone's shoulders sag.
He knew?
“N’ I see that.” Shinji keeps looking at her, soft and sad and fighting to stay awake. “Sorry. When I told you not to cry… that was… too much.”
“Is that why…?” She starts to ask, uncertain if she can bear the answer.
“No,” he breathes. “You showed it to me once. An’ I…”
Oh.
Oh.
“You’re such a stubborn asshole,” she smiles as tears cascade down her face. This will be the last time. No more tears, no more anger. Not over this.
“I love you,” he says, and she should have known from the moment he appeared at the Seal.
“I love you, too.” She leans down to kiss his forehead. “So, so much.”
Things are better - lighter - after that. Shinji is conscious for longer and longer. Theo sits with them, either asking after the items they have him retrieve (the most recent being a rice cooker) or hanging out to pass the time. Kotone plays pranks by messing with Theo, listening to music, or watching Shinji try and teach Theo recipes from the couch - you should have clarified when you told him to boil two cups of water, Shinji, you know he takes things literally.
They play games, yell at cooking contestants on the television, argue about haikus, try new recipes together - what else can they do but make the best of their situation?
It's still jarring watching Shinji die repeatedly, and the Velvet Room can get lonely without Theo, but it could be worse.
She's awake. She's not alone.
She's loved.
So very, very loved.