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I hate the icky smell of sweat. The way it clings to you and overflows your nostrils. But somehow this burning hatred in my mind doesn't take over myself.
I've never felt more unmotivated. Lying on your bed in a fetus position makes one feel like a child. Weak, small. Yet I can't help myself. I hug my legs to my chest because I need something to hug onto.
I really wish it was you. To see you truly calm in my arms, our bodies relaxed and pressed against each other. I love feeling the warmth of your skin against me. I wish I could store the best moments of my life in a jar and open it up to go back on them anytime I want. I would think of you. The way your hair blows in the wind, the clear sound of your voice reciting through my ea-
"Young master."
What? That - That isn't Peko. My body trembles as I grasp desperately, flailing around for any sign-
Any sign that I remember what your voice sounds like.
I only could cry more. Could curl into myself more. I was a child, no matter how many times I tried to deny it. I would always be a pathetic child. And for that reason, I needed protection- but not even that protection could live.
Why did you have to die before me?
"Please.." I found myself murmuring. "Not you, Peko. I need you." The same words that had been uttered in the class trial. Why did everything I say get glazed over? No matter what I did, nothing would change. Peko, why did you sacrifice your talent for me?
I could see it in your desperate eyes. When I got slashed trying to save you. Being reminded of the incident, my eye stung even more, like I had just recognized the pain. My tears only made it worse. God, I was crying too?
Sniffling. Sobbing to myself. In a place filled with strangers, with no one to go to. Peko was there for me. But it's almost as like as soon as we were together, as soon as I started looking forward again, she vanished.
One minute, I was gripping her hand and looking back at her with more affection than I could muster. The next, she had disappeared. I felt a pile of dust in my palm as it clinched around where Peko's used to be.
The dust held finality. Finality. Peko Pekoyama is dead. The one person who understood me more than any other and who stood by me for as long as everyone could remember; she was dead. So quickly.
My gaze settled on a piece of wood in the dark supporting the desk before the wide bed I was sulking in. A bed big enough for two people.
Nothing about the wood was interesting. Everything around me had lost its color. Its value. They say you feel emotions in your chest, but not this one. The loneliness. Each cell in my still body felt it. I couldn't move. My bed was trapping me.
I imagined myself falling through it, into an endless pit. I would sink down deep below anyone has ever seen. And you would be with me.
Die. Join her. She must be so lonely.
'She breathed against Fuyuhiko's neck in soft, even breaths. Currently, Peko and him were in Fuyuhiko's dorm room, disorganized yet not a speak of dirt remained on the ground. Peko had gotten on him so many times for procrastinating actually cleaning his messy room, but the guy was relentless. If he wanted to keep some toy he found in a park when he was 6 for the rest of his days, he would.
Despite his calm exterior, Fuyuhiko's heart couldn't stop racing. The close proximity was really starting to get into his head. She's had a long day, this is purely comfort from master to servant. Servant. No matter how many times his family said the term, Fuyuhiko would never see Peko as a servant.
She was quiet when she slept. Her gray hair reminded Fuyuhiko of a bunny. The once tall, intimidating swordswoman Peko was being reduced down to such a harmless creature? Anyone else would think that was ridiculous. But he could really only picture her as a kind, devoted, gentle being that was treated too unfairly by the world. Even if it was just letting Peko stay in his lap for the time being, Fuyuhiko wanted her to feel safe and like herself around him. Not a servant, and definitely not a tool.
Her long hair was frizzy, and the silver streaks had came up to tickle his face. It's not like they had to take much of a journey, considering how short he was. Despite the annoying itchy feel on his face from the hair, he didn't make an effort to move it. Risking waking her up would not be the best decision.
God, I love you, Peko. We could take down the world together.'
"What a child you are, Fuyuhiko."