Chapter Text
This is what no one tells you about dying; it’s very boring.
But then, maybe she wasn’t dying. Kotone always hoped when she did go out, she would get to watch over everyone she cared about. See how their lives were going without her, maybe not as a guardian angel but at least still present in some small way. That maybe they’d still sense her, somehow. And maybe she would see her parents again, and Makoto, just as they’d been 10 years ago when she lost them. And they’d be proud of how much she’d grown, and everything she had done.
…What had she done, exactly? It was hard to remember.
…
It… probably didn’t matter.
What mattered right now was this; she felt like she was supposed to be dying, or dead. She’d made peace with that, actually, but everything was just… muted. Hazy. Dark.
God, it was so dark here.
Towards the beginning of this purgatory, she was dimly aware that people were around. She didn’t know what was happening, exactly, but she heard fragmented voices calling for her to come back. To wake up. Familiar voices. She knew them. She knew she knew them, that this was important, that she needed to wake up-
She never did, though.
Eventually, though, those voices slowed down. Stopped coming. And it was hard to remember they’d ever been there at all.
—
When she wasn’t in that perpetual darkness, she was dreaming of a blue elevator. It was familiar. It felt right to be there, somehow. It also felt very sad.
Sometimes it didn’t quite feel like a dream. Sometimes, a man with white-blonde hair and yellow eyes was sitting there with her, and it almost felt real. It was less lonely when he was there, which was nice, because she hated being alone, even if she could see what was going on.
He seemed sad, though; he kept apologizing, saying it was his fault she was stuck like this, that this wasn’t what he’d meant to do. Kept telling her he was trying to fix it, he just needed time, a little more time. Luckily, that was the one thing she could give him in this state.
“I truly apologize, Kotone.”
“It’s alright,” she hummed, glancing up at him. He was sitting behind the desk, which felt odd. Someone else was meant to be there. “This is better than the hospital, anyway.” That was where she was when she wasn’t here, right?
His laugh in response to that was humorless. “That’s a small consolation when you seem to be-” He cut himself off, grimacing. He did that a lot too. As if even now there was some truth too painful to share with her.
Her answering smile was almost self-deprecating. “I thought the whole agreement was that I had to take responsibility for my own choices.”
His head dropped into his hands, obscuring his face, but he wasn’t fast enough to hide the flash of pain in his eyes. “That was the deal you made with my master, yes. But… there had to be another way. I just didn’t fully consider the cost.”
—
She wasn’t sure how long she had been here now. She wasn’t sure how she wasn’t dead. She was meant to be dead.
Someone still hadn’t given up on her; someone was by her side right now. She could still tell that much, even with everything else fading away. It was comforting to know she hadn’t been completely forgotten, but she couldn’t understand why they stood by her, kept sentry even now.
She wished she even knew who it was, but all she could sense, muffled as if through layers and layers of cotton, was a hand in hers, even if she couldn’t do anything to squeeze back, to let them know she was still, in some form, here.
—
“I think it’s time.”
Kotone looked up from where she was sprawled upside down on the sofa she sat on in the elevator. “Is it?”
The blonde nodded, hands smoothing down the front of his bright blue jacket. “Yes. I believe… I believe I’ve done all I can. You should be stable now.” He hesitated, before offering a smile, shaky as it was. “I only wish I could have done more for you.”
She flipped herself over so she could sit properly, smiling back at him. ”You’ve done plenty.” She probably would have gone crazy shortly into this isolation without him. “What happens now?”
”Now you wake up.”
”Oh.” Her hands went to the hem of her skirt, twisting the fabric between her fingers, before she asked, “Like, right now?”
That made him laugh, at least. Good. It made him seem less sad. “Soon.”
“That’s not a very concrete answer.”
“No, it’s not.”
She exhaled a laugh at that, before looking up at him. “I won’t see you again.” It wasn’t really a question.
He shook his head, smile fading. “This was already more time than we were meant to have, my dear Wild Card.”
That tracked. Of course one of the only people still here for her would have to leave her, too. “Will you sit with me until it’s time, then?”
“Of course.”
She scooted over to make room, and he sat down next to her, carefully poised like always, like when he had been to… Something. They had gone somewhere together. Gone lots of places together. She should remember this. Should remember him. But that seemed to have gone, like everything else. Maybe she deserved to be forgotten, if she couldn’t remember even him.
That scared her, a lot actually. She shouldn’t forget this. “Hey.”
It came out more forcefully than she meant, apparently. He looked at her, confused. “Yes?”
“Could you-” She swallowed, embarrassed, before pushing on. “I’m really sorry, but could you tell me your name again?”
He blinked, before his expression softened and he gave her that soft sad smile again. “It’s-”
—
The hospital bed was not the most comfortable thing, now that she could really feel it. The slight adjustment and readjustment of the mattress beneath her, probably for bed sores, was a little disconcerting.
Wait. She could feel it.
Kotone took in a deep breath, heard the change in the beeps of whatever machinery was in the room with her. Opened her eyes.
The world was bright as it swam into focus in front of her. Just the ceiling, so far. Moving her head felt exhausting, but she was okay settling for this view for now. Gave her time to take stock of everything else she could feel now, anyway. Tired was a big one, which felt ridiculous considering she’d been sleeping for however long. Cold, apparently; this paper thin blanket didn’t do much to keep her warm. He would have been miserable, she should have brought him another blanket-
He. Who was he? And why did her chest hurt even thinking about it?
”Kotone-san?”
A face moved into her field of vision; a girl. Her eyes were blue. Unnaturally blue. Kotone blinked up at her as relief washed across the girl’s features, and she felt someone squeeze her hand- Oh. This girl was holding her hand, wasn’t she.
She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out but a dry cough. Oh, wow, her throat was super dry. The other girl’s eyes flickered with alarm. “It’s okay, Kotone-san, you are safe.”
That didn’t feel right. This all felt wrong, actually. She was pretty sure she hated hospitals, now that she thought about it. But she forced herself to calm down and swallow, before very intelligently responding, “Hnhh?”
The girl smoothed some of her own blonde hair back, head tilting as she kept watching her. “It is March 19th. You fell into a coma two weeks ago.”
A coma? That sounded bad. She swallowed again to try and give herself some relief, her throat working for a moment as she tried to get her voice to work. “Two… two weeks?”
The blonde nodded. “Yes. At first I brought you back to the dorms, so you could sleep, but then you didn’t wake up. Mitsuru-san had you sent to the hospital, to see if they could figure out what was wrong with you.”
”Mit..suru?”
The girl’s brow furrowed, just slightly. “Yes. Mitsuru-san.” The confusion on Kotone’s face must have been clear, because she felt her hand squeezed tighter, before the girl asked, “You… You remember Mitsuru-san. You remember everything, right? You did, two weeks ago.”
She closed her eyes, trying to concentrate, before answering honestly, “I’m really sorry, but I’m not even sure who you are.”