Chapter Text
Shiota Nagisa liked Akabane Karma.
It wasn’t a shocking revelation, to say the least. He wasn’t sure exactly when it started– it very well could’ve stemmed from as far back as the first time they spoke to one another. Nagisa had realized it after the Save or Kill fight; precisely, on the trip back from space. What he felt for Karma wasn’t any familiar sort of platonic fondness, it extended beyond friendship. The tint of his cheeks, the burning sensation on his neck, the way anything that came out of Karma’s mouth had his mind in a chokehold. It was all too obvious– how could he not realize it when his heart felt like it was going to burst at every bump of the knee, every shared look, every touch. He didn’t think much of it, since it was an inevitable conclusion. Shiota Nagisa liked Akabane Karma more than a friend, so what? It’s not as if there was any chance that Karma reciprocated.
Akabane Karma would not like Shiota Nagisa– he doesn’t.
First and foremost, Karma wouldn’t be into men. It was nothing short of unrealistic and outright impossible– why would Akabane Karma be gay? Not that there was anything wrong with that; frankly, the concept was foreign to Nagisa. He hadn’t once considered his own sexual orientation. It wasn’t like there was a deadline to it, or that it was particularly important. Moreover, the adults would often stray away from the subject whenever it came up; every once in a while even deeming the idea of homosexuality a “disease” or “mental illness”. Nagisa wasn’t well-informed, but he had a talent for perception. Inferring the message behind their gaze was no difficult task.
(Considering most of the adults he knew didn’t harbor any fondness for Karma, let alone despise him, perhaps it wasn’t too difficult to imagine there being another part of him they detested.)
Nonetheless, Karma wouldn’t be into Nagisa. Regardless of whether he was into men or not, him being into Nagisa lacked any coherency. Karma was intelligent and strong, building himself a rather amusing reputation. He was of many talents, able to conquer any challenge with unwavering resolve. Karma was astounding— Nagisa was like any other. How could someone like Karma spare attention for someone like Nagisa?
Unlike how one would usually react, Nagisa was unfazed. Despite his glaring crush, he didn’t possess the desire to make much of it. He had a much greater goal and a future ahead of him— he, as well as Karma, had no time to spare for external factors. In the end, it was merely a silly unrequited crush. That was the extent of his attraction— that’s all it was.
(Albeit the fact that, for a while, there was an unprecedented hurt in his heart.)
That was all in the past, though. It has been 9 years since Koro-sensei’s passing. Sitting in the teacher’s office, the bell marking the beginning of the students’ lunch break urges Nagisa to take a break of his own. Subsequently, he finds himself checking his phone, whereby he discovers a notification— a message from Isogai in the Class E group chat: “Guys, please come to the class reunion this year if you can!”
A jolt of guilt runs through his body. Having not attended the past two years, he at least owed it to them to make it this year. Almost as if on cue, he receives a text prodding him to attend. Nagisa inevitably succumbs and sets out on making time for the event. Curiosity takes over him momentarily, and he finds himself texting Karma. “Are you coming to the class reunion this year?” he winds up sending.
Karma: Hmmm
Karma: Are you?
At the redirection of interrogation, Nagisa decides to answer truthfully. (However, he didn’t want to attend the previous reunions because Karma wasn’t going to, albeit being truly unable to regardless.)
Nagisa: Most likely
Nagisa: Since I’m less busy nowadays =))
Karma: I think I'll be able to spare some time
In witnessing the cute sticker Karma sent in continuation, Nagisa lacked the ability to suppress his evergrowing smile, set on sending a sticker himself.
Nagisa: I hope we’ll meet each other there then
Then came the day of the Class 3-E reunion. Shortly after wrapping up the cleaning and maintenance, the majority of the class decides to go drinking. Throughout the entire event, Nagisa was scolded for not coming by the previous years. However, he shared the same fate with Karma, who kept his word and attended this year. Something tells Nagisa there’s a correlation between his presence and Karma’s attendance, but he quickly brushes it off.
Following chats and bickering, Nagisa is hit with the need to drink, of which he didn’t intend to do earlier on. Perhaps due to the atmosphere, or the appearance of Akabane Karma. He decides to ignore the conclusion that points to. Ignorance is bliss, they say. Nagisa finds the courage to ignore it by chugging the rest of his glass of beer. By the time he settles it down on the table, he finds Karma sitting beside him, his face both of amusement and concern at the rate at which Nagisa gulps down the alcohol. He simply chuckles and offers an “Are you okay?”, to which Nagisa doesn’t reply. Perhaps in the nick of the moment, he forgot how ordinary his tolerance for alcohol is— that it wouldn’t take quite a while to have an effect on his system. Nonetheless, it does make him feel a bit better. Karma takes a sip of his own beer as well.
It reminds him of when the both of them first drank together— 22 years old, during a long-awaited hangout. They were both busy with their own dreams and ambitions that couldn’t be second to anything else; that’s just how they both were. But for once, they could both make time for each other. Karma, having already tasted alcohol himself, suggested they try to test Nagisa’s tolerance for it. When he confirmed Nagisa was fully drunk, he found comfort in rambling to him. As Nagisa had no recollection of their discussion in the aftermath, Karma didn’t see any harm in it.
Karma murmured, “You make it this easy for anyone to talk to you, huh?” Nagisa couldn’t exactly make out what he said, too concentrated on the dazed expression on Karma’s face. So this is what drunk Karma looks like. The tips of his ears and his neck were about the same shade as his hair; his eyes half-lidded as if about to shut off ,completely. He had left his hair unstyled— his bangs hid his forehead and some strands extended below his eyebrows. Karma propped his chin on his hand, staring distantly at Nagisa. He looked disheveled and unusually vulnerable. For a moment, Nagisa hoped that Karma was only like this with him— that Akabane Karma only showed this side of himself to Shiota Nagisa. In the end, he dismissed it as the thoughts of a drunken man, albeit momentarily smiling at the possibility.
“Nagisa?” Karma calls out. As a result, Nagisa snaps out of his trance, mumbling a “sorry” with an awkward smile on his face. Karma’s grin widens, “What were you thinking so deeply about?” Whilst Nagisa knows that it is merely an attempt to tease him, his inner composure was wrecked. To his dread, Karma catches on. “Oh? Is it about a special someone?” He asks, the cunning tone every bit annoying him.
“Shut up.” It seemed like the devil horns on his head kept growing by the second. “So I hit the nail in the head, huh?” Karma tucks a strand of Nagisa’s hair behind his ear, revealing its color. It makes Nagisa even moreso conscious of the sensation on his cheeks. “Oh?” That prolonged ‘o’ syllable that never failed to irritate him— he’s going to fall victim to Karma’s merciless teasing. Karma chuckles, but before digging deeper into his new gold mine (that is, a new way to taunt Nagisa), he took another gulp of his beer. Nagisa prompts, “... You’re drinking quite a lot today.”
Karma looks caught off guard, “Am I, now?” It brings an amused smirk onto his face. “Perhaps I was craving a drink.” A sympathetic expression appears on Nagisa’s face, “Being a civil servant is quite grueling work, huh?” Karma half-scoffs, half-laughs, “Grueling is an understatement.” Nagisa can only make an understanding sound in response. “This week in particular was especially difficult. That being said…” Karma’s eyes trail from the glass in his hand to the alert bluenette, “—today made everything better.”
Though he didn’t outright say it, it was almost as if he said Nagisa made everything better, which is no closer than wishful thinking. Nagisa regains his composure, “It’s the same for me. I had a lot of fun with everyone today.” Karma hums. The rest of the event proceeds as usual— the atmosphere was no different to how it always was. Having conversations with his former classmates made him feel a sort of relief; that their bond, their connections were never lost with time.
Temporarily, he finds himself having a conversation with Kayano. “I saw your recent movie, by the way.” He adds in the midst. She looks flustered as she asks, “... How was it?” Nagisa beams, “It was amazing! You did such a wonderful job playing the heroine.” Kayano lets out a sigh of relief, then smiles, “I’m glad you enjoyed it. It was my first time acting in such a large-scale, international movie, so I had my doubts and concerns…” Nagisa shakes his head, “You shouldn’t have. Your acting was spectacular. I still can’t believe I’m friends with such an outstanding actor.”
“You’re flattering me.” Kayano replies. She pauses for a few seconds, “You know, I’m glad all of us stayed friends.” Nagisa nods, glancing at the others— chatting, clinking glasses, bickering. “Even now, when we’ve walked our own paths and become vastly different individuals,” she continues, “—it feels like the space called Class E that we shared never once vanished.”
Nagisa makes a sound of acknowledgement. Simpering, “I never forgot Koro-sensei’s lessons, the memories we made, and the experience I had being in Class E. I’m sure everyone else can agree.” It made him feel at peace. Kayano adds, “He’ll always be with us, in our hearts.”
“You sure look giddy.” Karma commented as they wound up sitting next to each other again. Perhaps he didn’t realize, as Nagisa’s heart almost jumped out of his body. He’d like to think it was from surprise. “You’re not entirely wrong, I suppose.” As if he just realized something, Karma’s eyes widened. Then, his face twists into something more familiar. Ugh. “You just talked to Kayano.”
Nakamura, who was sitting nearby, shows her own “eureka” face. Great. Just great. “I see.” Karma says, dragging out the trailing ‘e’. “You could’ve just said so.” “It’s not what you guys are thinking.” Nagisa tried to shrug them off, waving his hands. He was aware of what the whole class thought of him and Kayano— how could he not be, when they were so obvious about it? Nonetheless, being aware is one thing, understanding is another. Nagisa couldn’t figure out why they thought someone so astounding would be interested in him of all people. Kayano Kaede, or Yukimura Akari, is an accomplished actor, a skilled assassin, and a charming person. There was no way she’d be enamored by him. “Not in a million years would she be into me that way.”
His words resulted in Karma’s rather annoying and persistent interest, “Oh, so that’s what this is about.” He was almost sneering as he spoke. And to Nagisa’s dismay, the rest of the class ended up reacting in a similar manner. Kayano herself was struggling to keep them off her back. Their, and especially Karma’s, relentless nagging didn’t end for another 10 minutes. When it eventually did, though, Nagisa pondered. The teasing wasn’t something he couldn’t endure, but it was undeniably bothersome. Karma and Nakamura were no different to how they were before— the devils that fed off of others’ misery. Nagisa was their primary victim— it wasn’t surprising that he’d know best. Nevertheless, the teasing did die down over the years; perhaps the result of maturity or passing time. He was thankful for that, at least.
Ultimately, the class reunion ends. They leave the restaurant, most somewhat tipsy and some outright knocked out. Beside Nagisa stands Karma, who stretches his arms as he slowly walks forward. He then halts, turning to meet Nagisa’s eyes, “Today was fun.” Before Nagisa could reply, Karma’s appearance distracts him. Albeit being in a trance, he manages to nod, “Yeah, I should’ve come the last two years.”
Under the streetlight, Karma’s eyes were a golden yellow, bright and straightforward as they stared into Nagisa’s. For a moment, it felt like everyone else’s presence vanished, leaving only himself and Karma. Gulping, he snaps himself out of it. This was no way to be feeling about a supposed friend. He’s aware, he knows, and he inevitably has to face it— he likes Karma. For forever long he’s been deceiving himself; now, there’s only one conclusion to be made.
Shiota Nagisa likes Akabane Karma.
It was foolish of him to think, even for a moment, that he could avoid it forever. He couldn’t escape his certain fate. Ever since the day Karma first approached him, his destiny was set in stone. His absurd brilliance, his easygoing personality, his reliable intellect, his remarkable intuition, even down to his sometimes scornful behavior— need he say more. It couldn’t stay overlooked forever— for a balloon will inevitably pop as it inflates.
Nagisa prides himself on his perceptiveness. It’s what made him such an astounding assassin, after all. However, when it comes to love, he’s received comments from many on his “denseness” or “obliviousness”. He didn’t think it would extend to even his own feelings. It’s not like he is completely unknowing, though. He supposes there have been a few times where he could sense unusual interest in him, but they were never conclusive. How could someone possibly have interest in him anyway?
Behind Nagisa and Karma are a group of girls, Kayano being one of them. Yada questions, “You’re really not going to try it out with him?” The group goes silent in tandem, eagerly anticipating her answer. After momentarily glancing at Nagisa and Karma, she reaches a verdict, “I think he’d be better off with someone else.” As conscious as they all are of Kayano’s self-sacrificial tendencies, it doesn’t stop them from exclaiming in disappointment.
Nagisa is of the firm belief that he is better off. How in the world could Akabane Karma ever be enamored by him? Perhaps if he liked someone a little less brilliant he’d have a better chance at captivating them. But for now, he had no way of making that happen. With his mind set, Nagisa is adamant as he strives to put his feelings aside. Besides, what could become of it? He was better off brushing it aside.
Smiling, he bids farewell to Karma and the rest, heading home with his mind clear. On the train, he solidifies his argument unfazed— his one goal is still to educate his students. Now that the next school year has just begun, it’s no time for him to be slacking off. An assassin only has eyes for their target.