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Tears.
Your face was full of tears, while snot dripped down from your nose.
You sniffled instinctively.
Disgusting.
You could feel your nose clogging up and your eyes sting and puff. Yelling and screaming was all you could hear. They were at it again.
Not a day passes without them fighting, like no one but them was in the house.
"Look at me, don't listen to what your dad says. You know how he is honey, when we're not here at home your dad hits me. He's always drinking out with his friends."
Your mom's voice shook with hatred, her hands gripping your shoulders tightly. Trying to make you understand.
"Oh come on. What are you telling the kids now? Are you lying again? Trying to butter them up to be on your side?"
Your dad's gruff voice alerted your mom. His voice was rising in volume.
"I do nothing but tell the truth! Your kids know the truth! Do you really think you can hide it forever? That you had another kid?"
"And how would you know it's mine? That was a one time thing years ago!"
'I already saw him dad, he looks exactly like big brother.'
"Yeah! Two years after I gave birth to our first kid!"
I was cursed to live.
To endure every secret.
This family can never be at peace.
Never.
The alarm on your phone blared throughout the room; your eyes shot up wide open in fear, not a single light shone from your window. All you could feel was the cool wind blowing, the sky still dark and adorned with stars. You lay there for a few minutes, your mind engrossed with the dream you had.
You put your hand up to your face as you stare at it in silence —a sharp pain stung your throat. Trying to avoid what happened; you stood up, slowly walking as the floor creaked beneath the weight of your steps.
You opened the balcony door —leaning your upper body on the railings.
Tap.
Tap.
Tap.
Your fingers tapped on the metal handrails, the gentle sound calming you down eventually.
Remembering to snap out, you walked back into your room and closed the balcony door. Switching the lights on as you scratched your head in deep thought.
'What was I supposed to do again?'
You touched the screen of your phone twice before it lit up to show the time.
'5:15 AM.'
It flashed brightly into your eyes, prompting you to put it down on your desk as you rummage through your closet. After finding a white blouse and pants to pair, you hang it near the table.
You walk towards the bathroom, the pristine white tiles cold to the touch. Turning the faucet of the shower head, you reached your hand out and hissed at the sharp sting of the freezing water before turning the faucet to the left for it to warm up.
You reached your hand out again; this time, it left you with a sense of comfort. Satisfied, you undress and fold your clothes neatly before stepping in.
The warmth of the water eased your stiff body, causing you to lean your head against the wall. You closed your eyes in pleasure, each drop touched your skin with bliss. After minutes of contemplation, you washed yourself diligently, the smell of soap hitting your senses.
Turning the faucet off, you stepped out —your foot slipping lightly, causing you to grip the sink. You let out a sigh of relief before taking your towel and wiping yourself.
The sight of the time on your phone caused your eyes to widen in shock. Looks like you took too long thinking inside the bathroom. You hurry yourself up as you put on your clothes and shove your things in your bag, but not going out before putting on your headphones.
The click of the door locking echoed clearly, making you step away from your room and begin walking. The streets were full of flyers that you paid no mind to, while the buildings showed signs of wear.
Dull.
That was the word circulating in your mind. Everything and everyone was dull. You moved here thinking things would change, but of course, nothing did. It was all the same. You just went on and accepted it, nothing that you can really do now to spark something inside you.
Nothing.
The sound of the bell caught a man's gaze —your boss, who greeted you with a calm demeanor. He was thanking you for taking your time to come in earlier today after Carol —one of your coworkers—hasn’t been replying to him since yesterday night.
You waved your hand dismissively, telling him that there was no need to do so.
And so you went to work.
The sound of the coffee dripping, the soft giggles of customers, and the ambient music residing in the cafe as the bell rang at the door complemented everything. A sigh left your lips, eyes lidded in boredom as you typed in an order. You've been here for five hours and a half.
'Same thing every single day, nothing more and nothing less.' You went on to serve each customer’s orders.
'Why did I get here earlier than normal again? Sudden urge to be less lazier? Oh yeah that was... really dumb.' You looked around; seemingly the cafe wasn't so crowded today from what you observed before. The clock on the wall ticked and ticked. Its constant ticking a reminder of your current predicament. Boredom.
'One, and two, and three... There's three people wearing the same coat.'
Your mind did whatever it could, counting similarities and trying to listen to what the customers talked about. One in particular gave an opening for your ears.
“You seriously think that’s the reason? Sounds like people are covering it up or something.” A customer wearing a red scarf scoffed out.
“I swear it’s the truth. I mean it is kind of suspicious that people are going missing ever since they got here but like have you seen them? I came across one of the workers there, he had this green outfit —called himself harlequin. I’m telling you right now he is hot.” The other person sitting in front of them squealed.
“Just cause he was hot he’s out of the radar?” she shook her head in disbelief at her friend’s logic.
“Oh he was charming, gave me a flyer and said he’d be happy to see me when he performs. By the way, I have great luck cause look what I got for free.” She searched inside her bag before pulling out a pink ticket.
“A ticket for the circus?” Her friend asked in confusion.
“Yeah! Can you believe it? That same day a man chatted with me —just small talk—and he asked if I was interested in the circus. Of course I said yes and he gave me this. Told me to use it since he was leaving town soon.”
“Well clearly not busy enough to not talk to some stranger.” She sneered.
“Oh come on, I’ll be back tomorrow like always. I am definitely gonna tell you everything that will happen. I cannot wait to see him again!” She giggled, making her friend sigh.
‘Right. Missing people. It has been circulating that the new circus in town was the cause for that. No evidence yet though, so I can't say anything remotely important about it but it being suspicious.’ Your mind thought, trying to connect things with what you got from their talk.
Unexpectedly, a figure walked past, your eyes slightly lit up with a hint of urgency and eagerness evident. You knew exactly what you needed right now, and you're not going till you ask for it. None of the other conversations here were interesting enough to pick up after all.
"Boss, can I get a quick break outside? You know... Just wanted some fresh air." Your voice reached out to him.
He looked back —surprised at your request and deep in thought—before nodding at you in approval.
"Sure, it's not often you ask for that and you've been here real early anyways. Suit yourself kid."
You watched him walk away, impressed that it only took that much effort.
‘Well that’s good for me.’
Humming —you took off your apron—putting it down behind the counter. The soles of your shoes tapped against the wooden floor; you opened the door, and the cold breeze instantly hit.
"I should have probably gotten my jacket from the back... well, I won't be going back inside now." You shivered, folding your arms to keep some warmth. Your attention was quickly caught by the cafe's windows, multiple flyers of the same circus attached to it.
'These are probably those flyers from before that are all over the town...'
"The freak circus of horrors... Performance time starts at 7PM, suggested entering 5 minutes in advance. Sounds interesting... The ticket probably cost a lot though. Wonder how that guy just gave it away so easily." You muttered to yourself.
The sudden sound of yelling took your attention away from the flyer, your ears twitched, and your eyes tried to find the cause of the noise. The voice seemed agitated, a great contrast to the current weather. Your head moved with your body —left, then up front, then right, and lastly...
There.
Behind.
They were too far away for your eyes to see clearly, causing your eyebrows to furrow in irritation. A man clad in a red, clownish outfit lay defenseless on the floor, while another man yelled at him, his anger clearly visible. The others watched within the background, some nodding in agreement from what the man yelled.
‘Based on what’s going on, the man attacked first —physically even—seeing as the clown is literally on the ground. This is seriously annoying and disrespectful.' You watched the scene unfold, the man was relentless at throwing insults and accusations.
‘This is about what those customers talked about right? The missing people. So he’s blaming them right away for it. Does he not realize he can get sued for this? I get trying to make sense as to why someone you know is missing, but he clearly isn’t thinking straight right now.’
Abruptly, the man slapped him again. Your eyes widened, confused as to why not even a single person was trying to stop the argument. They all just stared, like you.
‘Oh. I’m doing the same thing as them.’ You realized.
You looked back at the man, and then at the clown, before shaking your head.
‘I can’t even hear a single sound from him. Not of pain or protest to stop. It’s kind of unnerving, he’s just taking it in. This is honestly making my head hurt. Maybe just this once I’ll push my fear away.’ You took long strides, your gaze focused solely on the aggravated man. And when his hand went up once again —you caught his wrist in a tight grip. You glared at him with disdain. The panic you once felt was completely overridden with loathing.
"What the hell do you think you're doing? Out in public too? Do you have no shame?" You spit out those questions. Your grip tightening so as to not let him go.
“Who do you think you are huh? Tryna save this fucking clown? People are going missing because of these circus freaks!” The man yelled back at you, pulling his hand away from your grip which caused your stance to slightly sway.
“You’re only making everything worse! Installing fear into people that they’re up to some shady shit!” You replied back with frustration.
“Cause they are up to some shady shit! Don't fucking deny that these asshats aren’t up to something! Ever since they got here, people went missing! And they’ve only been here for three fucking days!” The man reasoned out.
The people grimace at the display.
And yet.
Amidst the back and forth yelling of you two, the person you were defending lay still. His amber eyes burning your back with how intense his stare is. Almost predatory, but engrained with surrenderance.
Like a dog on a leash.
The sting on his face couldn't compare to what he felt deep in his body; it was almost like he had a reaction from seeing you intervene. Like he hasn't eaten for days and suddenly gets a sight of his favorite meal. Something he can never grow tired of, something he would choose no matter what. Always coming back for more and more —relentless in nature.
This was…
Different.
Different in a way that it made his heart flutter, different in a way that makes his surroundings blur and all he can see is…
You.
You are all what matters starting from now.
Jester was wrong, so wrong.
Not all humans are cruel and vain. Not when their love exists. Kind and gentle, no one could ever come close to you. You are beauty personified. He will worship every step you take. All he has ever known up till now is gone, replaced only by you —the only good thing in his life.
No.
You are his life.
And he will make sure you know that, make sure you feel it.
He needs to learn everything about you.
Your dislikes, your favorites, your routine.
Every. Single. Thing.
Enough to make people’s heads turn.
Enough to make you feel the ache of his heart.
Enough to never make you doubt his love for you.
If that man even dares to lay a hand on you, he’ll never see another day in his life.
He can feel his whole body burning up from his thoughts.
Please let him touch you.
Let him.
Let him.
Let him.
Let him.
Let him.
Let him.
Let him.
Let him—
“Do whatever you want! Next time, I’ll see you on the news too! Gone like them!” The man in front of you scoffed before walking away. His steps heavy on the streets. The people murmuring went on about their day, acting like nothing was out of order just moments ago.
‘I was supposed to be on break, not get stressed out and almost get punched by someone.’ You sighed deeply, biting your lower lip to calm down.
Remembering why you were in this predicament in the first place, you looked back at the clown on the ground. Though now that you can see him from up close, he looked more like a jester. His hair was white —a middle part with two long tufts of hair frame his face. He adorned a mask designed with a stripe on each eye but the other had a tear on the cheek. His jester hat was big, colored with black, red, and yellow like the rest of his outfit.
‘He looks… Harmless.’
You take back your words when your eyes suddenly widen as he stands up.
He was tall, huge even. He towered over you with no problem.
You stared for a few seconds before snapping out of trance.
“You okay? Good thing that guy went away after I threatened him with the police. People just take things too far sometimes. Don’t mind them too much.”
He nods at you.
‘So silent.’
“You uh… You seem hurt. Here, is not much but is all I have right now.” You grabbed the pink bandage from your pocket.
You hand it to him, his long and sharp nails startle you a little as you stare. Intrigued. He looked at you, smiling as he tilted his head to the side. Accepting the bandage with unexpected gentleness. You can feel his eyes boring into you, waiting for your next words.
So you break the silence.
“I gotta go, can’t stay that longer here since I was just supposed to be on a break. I have to go back for my shift now. Stay safe.” You waved at him goodbye before walking away.
You took fast steps —huffing in turn—you quickly slowed down as you walked back to the cafe. Your boss came into view, hurrying you up because of a sudden surge of customers. And so you tied your apron, handing out the orders that were finally made.
“Here’s your espresso and macchiato. Can I get anything else for you two?” You carefully placed their drinks onto the table.
“Thanks, I was dying for some coffee.” a woman with blonde hair said as she took a sip.
“Did you see those flyers for the circus?” A man with long hair asked the woman.
“Yeah, weird, right? It’s been ages since a traveling circus came to town.”
‘Ah, so they’re also talking about the circus. I guess it will be the talk for the week.’
“And the clowns are so creepy…” The man added.
“Probably good for their marketing though…” She trailed off, remembering you were still there as she felt your presence.
“Oh, sorry! Yeah, we’re all set, we don’t need anything else right now.”
You nodded back at them. Walking back to the counter to take the other drinks.
“What’s up with that server… It’s like they burned holes on our heads from how they stared at us.”
You made your way to the next table, drink on the tray.
“Here you go, your hot chocolate.”
“Thanks! I’ve really been craving something warm with this chilly weather.” The customer enthusiastically replied.
“It got cold all of a sudden, didn’t it?”
“Yeah, the weather’s all over the place. You leave the house with a jacket and an umbrella, and you still end up sweating by the end of the day, haha.” They laughed softly at the end.
“That’s true. If you need anything else, just let me know, okay?”
“Perfect!” They nodded at you.
You went back to the counter once more, though this time you hissed once you grabbed the cup.
‘Fuck! This coffee’s hot. Who can even drink something as hot as this.’
You walked to the other table, trying not to burn your fingertips as you gave them their order.
“A coffee with cheese bread, and a cappuccino with a brownie, right?”
“That’s right, thanks!” The guy with glasses thanked you.
“Hey barista, did you see the news?” The other man asked.
Curious, you raised your eyebrow before replying back. “Not yet today, did something happen?”
“They’re still talking about the one who disappeared.”
You knew this, you heard it from one of the customers. “Wasn’t that the one who ran off with a lover or something?”
“No one really knows for sure.” The guy with glasses interjects.
“I just wanted to say… Be careful if you’re leaving late, okay? This place closes quite late, so… Stay alert, alright?”
“Will do. Thanks for the heads-up! And enjoy your coffee!” You gave a small wave at them before sighing when you were out of view.
‘Maybe I should start keeping an eye on the news sometimes.’
Your boss once again appears in front of you, his face full of annoyance.
“I’m sick of ripping those flyers off my window, don’t let anyone hand them out here. And when you have a minute, go around and pick up the ones scattered around.”
“Got it. Though, don’t you think some people are being kind of rude to the circus folks?’ You asked.
“The way they act freaks people out. Best to keep them away, bad for business.”
‘So that’s his thoughts on them…’
After waiting for the customers to move along, you take the flyers they left on the tables. The bell on the door rings as another customer walks in.
“I’d like a strong, hot coffee”
The voice of the customer made you look back at them.
“I’ll bring it right away.”
As a few minutes pass, you finally bring out the freshly made coffee drink to his table.
“Here’s your coffee”
“Thanks. It’s really cold outside. What’s with those flyers?” He asked.
“Someone was handing them out. I had to pick them all up.”
“How rude to do that in a place of business, right?” He commented
‘I guess it is, if all it leaves is just a mess.’ You thought.
“Yeah, it just creates more work for everyone.”
“If you want, I can take them for you. I’ll toss them out when I leave no big deal. I was gathering some paper for recycling anyway.” He offered to you, his hand reaching out.
‘Charity work? Well that saves me time’
“In that case, that’s better than just throwing them away, thanks.”
“No problem dear”
“Do you need anythi—”
“Do you like the circus?” He interrupted you.
‘Okay, rude to just cut in while I was talking but sure.’
“I think I’m too old for that now”
“Nonsense. This circus isn’t for kids, they’ve got some pretty creepy stuff.”
“So you’ve been to the circus?” You tilt your head.
‘I think something is wrong with this dude. Yeah.’
“Are you even listening?” His voice cut your thoughts.
“Oh, sorry.”
“Haha, thought so. Anyway, here take this. Go on, check it out, and then try telling me it didn’t give you chills.” He hands you a pink ticket.
‘Hm? So he does have a ticket. It’s the same one I saw this morning.’
“I can’t accept something like this. Must have been expensive.”
“Don’t worry, I already went. I was thinking of going again, but I’ll be leaving town soon.”
His last words made your eyebrows furrow.
‘What did he say? Leaving town soon… That’s the same thing that the man said from the customer’s story. Gave her a pink ticket too… These things aren’t something you can just haul and give away for free. Something’s up with him.’
You take the ticket from his hand hesitantly, eyes scanning everything about him. Anything that seemed… Off.
“Thanks, I’ll go one day when I can.”
“I’ll be glad to know someone used my ticket. Thanks for your time, I'll let you go back to work.”
You hummed as a reply, going back to what you needed to do for the day. Time went on as customers flock in and out. The sky was darkening already, the sunset visible from the windows.
“As soon as the last customer leaves, close everything up and clean the place. We’re closing early today.” Your boss said.
“Something happened?” You asked, confused.
“I have an unexpected appointment. And since you’re working alone today, I’d rather you didn’t leave too late. I’ve gotta go now, can you take care of everything?”
“Yeah, yeah, no problem.” You let out a confident huff.
“Call me if anything comes up.”
“Will keep in mind.”
‘Guess I’m going home earlier today. Wonder what happened to Carol.’
“Hi, here’s the payment. I’m heading out. Have a good night!” The last customer bowed, walking away.
‘Just gotta clean the tables now’
The sound of bells jingling caught your attention.
“We’re closed… Huh, no one’s here.” You looked around the cafe, trying to find the origin of the noise.
The lights suddenly turn off, creeping you out down to the core.
‘What. The. Fuck. Did someone actually get inside?’
“Boss you there?”
No one replied back to your question. Your senses heightened and freaked out.
‘I’m fucked. I gotta calm down. The lights just behind the counter. Don’t overthink it.’
‘Oh but fucking hell I feel like someone’s watching me. It feels familiar’
You quickly ran behind the counter, opening the panel to see that the fault lies with the breaker. Acting quickly, you reset it. The lights then turn back on, you sigh in relief.
‘Yeah, was overthinking it.’
Another bell sound echoed inside the cafe.
‘I should have locked the door first.’
You turn around, ready to shoo off the person.
“Sorry, we’re closed— Holy shit! You’re the guy from before...”
He stepped closer —blood dripping down on his mask from his head—alarming you greatly.
“You’re bleeding!” You walk out of the counter, looking up at him in worry.
He bent down towards you, a wide smile on his face despite the obvious act of violence on his head. He offered a flower, red and bright just like his clothes. You only noticed now the bandage you gave was placed on his… Mask?
“Oh… Thanks. That’s honestly nice.” You took the flower, twirling it with your hand.
“Is it because of the bandage?”
He nods at your question.
‘This is really beautiful for a paper flower, it’s painted too so he put some extra effort in this. It’s still a little wet.’ You observed from how the petals glisten.
“Still quiet as ever huh? Why don’t you sit there near the counter, I’ll help you with your wound.”
He seemed to react with great enthusiasm, the bells on his hat jingle at your command. He sat idly, his arms propped up on the counter while his head rested on his hands.
‘He’s really obedient…’ You wipe the blood off his mask with a paper towel.
‘Eh, is it really a mask or just a ton of makeup? Either way it’s cool.’
“So… You don’t talk… or is it part of the act?”
He glanced around once he heard your question, before stepping in a little closer to your face.
“I can’t be seen talking.” He finally replied. His voice was smooth and deep, you could even say it was soothing. It didn’t have any notes of a flirty tone, more of a calm and breathy one.
“So it is part of the act. Good to know.”
“Yes my dear. I sincerely appreciate all your help.”
‘Talk about being a gentleman…’
“I’m the Pierrot, nice to meet you!” He introduces himself.
“Right, nice to meet you too. I’m… well…” Instead of saying your name right away, you point at the tag on your chest. Now, finally saying your name out loud for him to hear.
“I know.”
‘Did he say something? Probably muttered it…’
“A Pierrot though? You don’t really look the part.”
“Indeed, you are right my dear. We were required to… Modernize my attire. But, my role remains unchanged.”
‘I guess that makes sense, white gets easily stained.’
“People have been real rough with you guys.”
He tilts his head to the side, “I supposed we may appear a touch… Uncanny. That tends to unsettle people.”
“Do the Pierrots out on the street with flyers perform too?”
“Indeed. The circus has but a small cast, we both perform and hand out flyers. Though I must say, I am the only Pierrot, my dear. The others are Jesters and… Harlequins…” He said the last word full of disgust, rolling his eyes lightly.
‘Looks like they don’t get along, based from what I know the Harlequin one sounds flirtatious. Him on the other hand acts more… polite.’
“That’s cool! So, is there anyone who’s also quiet like you?”
“I am the only one who remains silent. Though I do make an exception when it is just the two of us.” He smiled brightly at you.
‘Ah, so I’m special? You’re not even really trying to hide it now, are you?’
“Your secret is safe with me then.” You let out a soft giggle. Noticing the bandage is falling off, you put up your hand towards him.
“The bandage’s falling off. Let me take it off for you.” You delicately peel off the bandage, tossing it in the trashcan beside you.
He smiled softly at your act, “Thank you my dear. And I’ve brought you another small token of appreciation.” He pulled out a red ticket. It looked exactly the same as the pink one except for the color of course.
“That’s nice, but I already have one.”
His composure turned serious, “You… Obtained a ticket? May I see it, my dear?”
“Sure, here you go.” You took out the pink ticket that was handed to you hours ago.
His demeanor changed drastically —a looming shadow shrouded his face—and his smile turned tight. He took the ticket from your hands and held it up in front of you. One hand held the ticket while the other swiped over it. The color changed into the same red ticket he had shown you moments ago.
You let out a playful scoff from surprise, “Cool trick… but why change it?”
He hands you the ticket before answering, “That ticket was incorrect. You wouldn’t have been allowed in with it. Please, take mine instead.”
‘Knew that guy was suspicious. Sorry for that girl then. Guess you ain’t seeing your guy.’
“So it was a fake?”
“Indeed, counterfeit. Do not accept tickets from strangers, my dear. I would not want you to encounter trouble at the entrance.”
‘Well I really only accepted cause it seemed interesting. That guy is definitely shady then.’
“I assure you, my dear. I’ll make you smile during my performance.”
“Can’t wait to see that then, and uh… I hate to say this. But my boss told me to close up, we can’t stay here for far too long.”
“I completely understand. I had hoped to arrive earlier but I did not wish to cause you any distress, my dear.”
‘Right, people were talking about how creeped out they were by the circus.’
“That’s honestly alright, you wouldn’t have been able to talk to me like this if we were surrounded by the customers.”
He tilts his head once more, his smile brighter and ecstatic, “That’s true.” He said in a melodious tone.
“Have a good night, my dear.”
“Good night to you too…” You wave at him.
‘Guess I’ll be going home now.’
You walked down the dim streets. The breeze is colder than ever, and the lights of the lamppost flickered. You lower your head towards your scarf, trying to hide the grin emerging from your face. You didn’t even realize that you were now standing in front of the apartment —not until you hit your head on a bench nearby.
You take out your key to open the door, and then it clicked, a sign of your success. You immediately lay down on your bed, arm tossed onto your eyes. Your bag discarded onto the floor.
“Hah…”
You let out a broken giggle.
“He’s cute… so fucking cute. The way he looks at me. It was so obvious.” You let out more breathy giggles, it was soft at first but seemingly turning to a more unapproachable sound as you let out more. You bite your nail in thought, eyebrows furrowing in delight.
A wide grin was visible on your lips, face flushed.
‘He’s weird, but interesting. I would have just eaten him up then and there. Oh, I wonder what his blood tastes like. I should have kept that paper towel to myself. Then I could have sniffed it and licked the blood off it. It looked so good… I wonder what he looks like behind that mask. His hair looked so soft, I wish I could have touched it too. And even with how tall he was, he treated me carefully. Like he could break me.’
He should break me.
‘My darling, my adorable boy. I’ll make you mine. I know you want that. I know you need that. I’m sure after that you’ve been craving me every second now right? You made exceptions for me! I never expected to feel this way. Hah! I didn’t even know I could feel like this. This wasn’t my intention, but this was definitely better.’ You could feel your blood rushing and pumping clearly throughout your body. It felt so warm on this cold night.
‘You stared at me like I was your saviour. Like I changed the course of your life. Like I alone was the only one who could make you feel this way. I’m not making things up. I know that. I’ll have you all for myself. Whether you want to or not.’ You rambled and rambled in your mind, almost forgetting to change your set of clothes.
You came back out of the shower —confused as to why your balcony door was open—though you paid it no mind and closed it anyway. You splat on your bed, bouncing back lightly as you stare at the ceiling. Eyes lidded and calm.
You reach out towards your desk —the red ticket he gave.
You gape at its existence before cracking a mischievous grin and gently kissing the ticket.
“Good night Pierrot.”