Chapter Text
“Just past these walls is a world waiting for us,” I rolled over in my bed, glancing at Yosef through the moonlight pouring in through the window. His eyes glistened as his heart pounded with hope. “I don’t want to be stuck here forever, Yan. It’s not fair…” His voice trailed off, muttering into the silence of the night.
“What’s not fair?” I asked, tugging at my blanket, curiously waiting for his response.
“Everything,” he said as he rolled onto his back. “Do you really think we’re all devils? Do I look like a murderer?” I hesitated, awaiting the answers to his rhetorical questions.
When he fell quiet, I whispered a small, “no…”
“Then why are we treated like we are?” Yosef turned to me again, his expression hidden by the night’s shadow. “Don’t tell mom, seriously. Me and Kris are going to sneak out and see the real world. If it's safe, I’ll come back for you, I promise. We’ll go see the world together, okay?” Yosef reached across the gap between our beds and searched for my hand. I rung my fingers around his, both excited and confused at his motives.
“But we aren’t allowed to leave without permission. What if they catch you?” I tightened my grip on his hand, worry rising in me.
“They won’t catch me, I’m not stupid.” Yosef’s scoff rolled into a light chuckle. “But don’t tell Mom or Dad, okay? Swear you won’t tell.” He spun his pinky finger around mine. “Swear,” he tugged at me.
“I swear I won’t tell…” I closed the chain to our pinky promise and stared deeply into the dark. Out of all the features that we shared, his smile was what showed best in this cloudless night.
I thought he wasn’t stupid; I believed him. He was older than me, and smarter than me, and aced all his classes, so I believed him. So why… Why did he get caught?
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
I stared at the bloodied gray arm band sitting right where Yosef’s plate sits every night for supper. “But—”
“I’m sorry to inform you that your son, Yosef, was found dead a few kilometers outside the border of Liberio, alongside another boy close to his age.” The man stood looming over all three of us: Mom, Dad, and I. With his hands behind his back, he seemed almost uninterested in reporting that my older brother had just been found dead, only days after he promised he’d show me the world. My hands quaked from how hard they clenched my skirt’s fabric. I heard sniffling from someone beside me, thinking mom’s calm and collected demeanor had finally broke. To my surprise, when I looked to my left, it was Dad who was a teary, slobbering mess.
“My son… My boy…” His shoulders buckled with his sniffling cry. Mom’s eyes were hollow, the only thing reflecting off of them being the crimson stain on the arm band.
“How… did it happen…?” I shivered at Mom’s monotoned mumble. Never has she ever seemed so lost, so disoriented. Her usual chipper smile never really did come back after this day.
“He was beaten to death; his face was almost unidentifiable. You’re lucky we found his stuff nearby, or we wouldn’t have known who he was.” The man itched his face, his knuckles wrapped in a thick layer of bandages. “Did you send your son outside the city border?” He asked.
“He—” I shut my mouth, mortified that I just croaked out a desperate yelp in front of others. I swore I wouldn’t tell, we pinky promised.
“Hm?” The man hummed curiously.
“He was always rebellious… He didn’t come home yesterday,” Mom’s voice cracked midway through her sentence. After this, Mom was lost for words. The room was filled with the man’s careless lecture on bad parenting and Dad’s emotional breakdown for what felt like forever until the men left. When he turned for the door, I saw not one but both of his hands were wrapped tightly with bandages like he had just come back from a fist fight.
I wasn’t allowed to see Yosef’s face at the funeral. Mom said she had forgotten what he used to sound like, and Dad hasn’t spoken to me since that day. Even I’m beginning to forget what he looked like—
“Iliyana Petit!” I jumped, blurting a half-response, half-yelp, at the commander’s sudden announcement.
“Yea-yes!” I stood up, arms pinned to my side like a flag pole. Everyone else around me glanced and glared as they snickered at my misfortune. My face felt hot, scorching even.
“Sit down, Petit.” Commander sighed while itching at his forehead. He let out a long sigh, giving me time to sit back down and fix myself up. I pinched my earlobes, feeling how sweltering they were. “I should have you removed. What do you do other than daydream?” He continued to reprimand me for my absentmindedness til the others around me fell quiet as their laughter turned into sighs of pity.
“Yes, sir. I’m sorry, sir.” I lowered my head, staring at the disarmed rifle sitting on my desk. Commander continued to teach the class of children the ins and outs of our rifles before we started target practice. With my head lowered, I kept pinching my earlobe til it felt numb to the touch.
“What were you thinking about?” I raised my head, turning to my tablemate. I rarely spoke to the boy sitting next to me, I even ignored him at times. But seeing as I couldn’t run away, I answered his question.
“My family,” I whispered back to him. The sunlight spilling into the room reflected right off the boy’s blond hair and caramel hazel eyes. He grinned at me, making me avert my gaze out of embarrassment. “I just miss them sometimes.”
“I miss my family, too,” the boy responded. I glanced at him again, trying to recall his name. We sat next to each other every day, and yet I’ve never learned his name. I mean, Dad always told me to be careful around boys; he was no exception. “Do you not live with your mom and dad?” He asked. My lips pierced themselves to a thin line, not wanting to explain what I really meant by ‘I miss my family’.
“I do,” I held my hands together, getting anxious. “What was your name, by the way?” The boy’s eyes widened as his smile faded. I lowered my head, immediately feeling that sweaty feeling in my pits and hands.
“It’s Reiner… I’ve sat here every day since the year started…” His mouth was ajar from utter shock and disappointment.
“I know, I’m sorry,” I held my hands tighter than before. “I have a bad memory,” I lied, hoping it would get me out of the pit I’ve dug for myself.
“No, you don’t. You’re one of the smartest kids in class.” He raised a brow at such a blatant lie told right to his face. I puckered my lips, trying not to let the embarrassment swallow me whole. I saw him smile, presumably bewildered with every passing second we continue speaking.
“Reiner Braun,” Commander cleared his throat, shutting the both of us up quick. “Do you two want to succeed, or are you two just here to play? Keep it up and all of you are getting assigned seats.” Everyone around us groaned, annoyingly telling us two to shut up for everyone’s sake.
“Sorry, sir,” Reiner lowered his head like mine. He turned to me, a shallow smile on his lips. His cheeks raised with his grin, making his eyes scrunch with them. I smiled back, curious about what he was thinking.