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It's late and every second feels like an eternity. I'm sitting on the sofa and I have no idea what time it is exactly. To be honest, I don't care to know.
Ever since the announcement of the third Quarter Quell massacre, I haven't been able to sleep a single night. I know I have dark circles under my eyes, but I can cover them with makeup. The problem is that I can't hide my anxiety about what's happening.
Haymitch is on the balcony, also unable to sleep. At least he has the company of his drink. I, on the other hand, have nothing but myself. In the center in front of me rests a half-empty bottle of whiskey that, I believe, will be emptied in less than an hour.
I have no idea how long I've been looking at him, but when I realize it, his gaze meets mine and I look away, blushing. I clear my throat and when I look back at him, I see him coming towards me at a slow pace. His empty glass leads me to conclude that he's coming to get another drink. And just to confirm my suspicion, he does it. Frowning, he fills the glass with the drink, and I count at least two shots filling it.
To my — not so great — surprise, since I was somewhat expecting it, Haymitch sits at the other end of the sofa. Our eyes don't meet again, as I notice, out of the corner of my eye, that he's looking ahead, thoughtful. Neither of us speaks for a good while, enjoying the silence that hangs between us. I only hear the night breeze coming from outside, and that seems to relax me a little from all the agony that has been overwhelming me since the announcement of the quarter-match massacre.
Haymitch turns the glass over and sets it down in the center. Then he puts his feet on it. This is a sign that he doesn't intend to leave anytime soon. I imagine he'll fall asleep in a few minutes, but I'm wrong when he finally breaks the silence.
"Can't sleep, darling?" his words wake me up, and I'm a little startled. I shrug and see him with his head resting on the sofa, looking at me, a little sleepy. I can't find the words to make my response sound rude, so I just give a slight smile of agreement.
Haymitch nods and looks ahead again, but I can't take my eyes off him. And it's when he looks back at me that I realize it. He frowns and I look down, blushing again. When I finally look up, I see him still in the same position, as if he's trying to tell me something but doesn't know how. Then he extends his hand and, after a few seconds, I take it. I feel his thumb caress the back of my hand and I watch.
"Hey," I hear him murmur. I look up at him. "Come here."
I obey him without hesitation. He gently pulls my hand until I sit beside him, but I notice that after that he pulls again, inducing me to rest my head on his shoulder. His free hand wraps around me in a hug and I feel comfortable.
"You're scared," he comments, "aren't you?"
I nod in response. I feel his chest move quickly, as if he had chuckled briefly. I can't find the humor in that, so I don't try to argue.
"You know what?" he asks, and I let out a "hm" for him to continue. "Me too."
Hearing his words, I lift my head until I can look at him and our eyes meet again. Something in Haymitch's gaze makes me want to look nowhere else but him. But I don't even consider that possibility. Then I notice him getting closer and closer to me, slowly, as if he didn't want to scare me. When I feel his face touch mine, my lips part slightly until they meet his. I feel his warm hand cup my face as he kisses me. For a moment, fear overwhelms me. A sudden dread of losing him, as well as the boys. I deepen the kiss a little more without even realizing what I'm really doing. What I want is for this moment to simply never end. Because despite the fear, I'm certain I'm safe.
Our lips part, and when I realize it, I notice my eyes are moist. Haymitch seems to notice too and wipes away a tear with his finger.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
"I don't want anything bad to happen."
Haymitch snuggles closer and hugs me.
"I won't let anything bad happen. And I mean all three of you."
"All four of you," I corrected him. "You have to be safe too."
Haymitch stifles a laugh.
"Nobody needs me," he says, his gaze distant. I hold his chin and make him look at me.
"I need you."
Haymitch smiles and kisses me again. We stay on the sofa for a while longer until we finally head to our respective rooms.
And finally I can sleep well.