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Shane couldn’t pinpoint the exact time that he started to realize it. Slowly, with each intimate experience they had, Shane noticed he would crave it more and more.
It started with the feeling of Ilya's fingers gliding up his chest to grip around his neck. Then, it became the way Ilya would lightly squeeze around the base of his throat, his palm ever so slightly pushing down on his windpipe. Shane couldn’t deny the way his stomach warmed, he couldn’t deny he would notice the familiar pull that meant he was going to reach his climax almost each time Ilya would put pressure on his throat. Just enough to feel the sharp mix of pleasure and pain.
Shane had always thought about it. Asking for maybe just a little bit… more. He craved more, but he wasn’t sure what was even left to crave. What was left that wouldn’t be taking it too far? That wouldn’t make Ilya think he was crazy or some kind of freak?
In reality, he knew Ilya would never think like that. Ilya loved when Shane expressed his real wants and desires when it came to their sex life. It was always, “Shane, sweetheart, you are so needy, so beautiful and perfect for me always,” each time Shane’s crazy, fucked up brain thought of a new scenario he wanted Ilya to put him in.
But there was also the side of Ilya that cared for Shane so deeply that he worried about taking it too far with him. Hurting him in some way. But to Shane, that was never even a possibility. Ilya could never hurt him…not in a way where he was doing something that Shane didn’t ask for. Yet still, Shane wondered if asking to be choked harder, for longer, more frequently even, would be pushing Ilya's limits just a little too far.
For the most part, Shane had shoved the thought down. He didn’t ask, didn’t bring it up, even though he desperately wanted to.
“Shane………Shane. You are staring again. Whatever you call it… spacing out.” Shane did the best he could to bring his focus back to reality. They were spending the day together, wrapped up in each other in the comfort of Shane's cottage. It was summer, and although they weren’t out publicly yet, they had been in a proper relationship for just over a year now. Shane can’t believe sometimes that they made it this far. Not because their feelings for each other weren’t genuine, Shane never faltered when it came to how much Ilya loved him and how much he loved Ilya, but rather because their lives had never been particularly… easy. But despite all odds, here they were. Laying together on the couch, practically naked aside from both of their briefs, just the two of them lathering each other in kisses and affection while they were supposed to be watching some documentary Shane picked out.
“Sorry… I guess I got stuck in my thoughts for a second. It's getting a little late though, what do you want to do for dinner?” Shane asked. He knew right away that Ilya was not going to move past this that easily. Ilya also knew that Shane would never go this long without already having figured out a plan for dinner. Whenever Shane got lost in thought, Ilya was right there, fully invested in whatever it was that Shane might be thinking about. It was adorable, really, how deeply Ilya cared about understanding him, his thoughts, his feelings.
“Tell me, what are you thinking about? What is bothering you in that pretty little mind of yours?” Ilya began rubbing his knuckles into the side of Shane’s hip as Shane laid in front of him, his back pressed against Ilya’s firm chest. Shane felt the skin on the back of his neck warm. He also knew that likely his cheeks had flushed, ruining just about any chance Shane may have had of diverting this conversation elsewhere.
“It’s nothing…really, Ilya. Was just thinking about...you. That’s all.”
“Oh yeah? Well…what about me?”
Ilya suddenly wrapped his arms around Shane’s chest and flipped their positions in one quick motion. Ilya had Shane pinned underneath him, his back now pressed to the couch cushions while his front was drowning in the weight of Ilya’s body pressed against his.
Shane’s thoughts were already running wild with images of Ilya. Ilya above him. Ilya rutting against him, his hands around Shane’s throat. He was practically rock hard and leaking in his briefs before Ilya even got on top of him.
Of course, as Ilya does, he notices.
“Shanya, baby, you are already wet….already this needy for me?” he breathed in his ear. Shane's heart fluttered, his cock twitching.
“Ilya….”
“C’mon…tell me. What were you thinking about?”
Shane closed his eyes gently for a moment, trying to gather himself even slightly if he was going to open up this conversation right now. He really didn’t understand what he was afraid of. He knew Ilya would never judge him, never laugh at him in moments like these. He took a slight inhale before opening his eyes. Immediately, he was met with the safest shades of blue. He exhales.
“I think I want to try something. Well, not exactly something new, but…maybe take something we’ve already tried a little…further?”
Ilya now gently rubbed his thumb along Shane's freckles which were currently flushed an outrageously pretty shade of pink.
Before answering, Ilya rolls his hips down again, grinding against the wet spot already forming at Shane's crotch. God, he was pathetic. “Oh yeah? And what would that be. What do you want me to do to you, Shane?”
Shane licked his lips and stared into Ilya's already darkening eyes. His breath hitched in his throat from how direct Ilya was being. At how stern he was being with Shane.
“I want you to, um - choke me. But…hard. Like….. I don't know. Maybe hard enough that it makes me…..see black? Or something?”
Somewhere along that sentence, Shane lost the ability to hold eye contact with Ilya, because his eyes were currently looking off to the tv that’s been left playing beside them, and suddenly his breathing does feel a little more shallow on its own, without Ilya's hands around his throat.
Again, Ilya notices.
“Hey…hey, look at me. Shane.” Ilya grabs Shane lightly by the jaw, carefully bringing his gaze back toward Ilya. “You do not have to hide from me. You do not have to worry about me shaming you, my love. You know this.” And Shane did know this. Again, he can’t understand why he’s feeling the way he does right now.
“I know, I just don’t want you to think I'm a….freak….or something.” Ilya smiled at that. He giggled a little to be honest. He was so damn cute that Shane couldn’t really be irritated about it.
“Shane…. moya lyubov…. you are a freak. We know this. But you are my freak. And that is what I love about you. Whole room full of people you will always be freakiest.”
Shane rolled his eyes and tried to protest, whispering a faint “Ilya—”, but before Shane could finish a thought, Ilya slipped his tongue in between Shane's soft, pink lips. As if on command, Shane opened up, letting Ilya's tongue lick along his teeth, then eventually circle his own tongue slowly, over and over again in an intoxicatingly repetitive motion. It was mesmerizing.
Shane was panting, likely even moaning. He was already too blissed out to tell, and honestly he didn’t really care. He liked to be loud for Ilya. To show Ilya how much his body really responded to him. Ilya always called Shane easy, but he says it because it turns Shane on even more. Being easy for Ilya was something Shane genuinely took pride in.
Just as Shane felt himself starting to slip into that airy place he’d become all too familiar with, Ilya slowly pulled his tongue out of his mouth. Ilya looked down at him for a few seconds, but to Shane, it felt like an eternity. Ilya then gently brushed his fingers along his chin, slowly feathering his touches as he moved down to his Adam's apple, before continuing down to the base of Shane’s throat.
Shane whimpered. Ilya’s fingers on his throat made his hips instinctively thrust up into the air. The friction of his cock rubbing against his briefs sent a shiver down his spine despite the sweat that had already begun covering his body.
“You want me to squeeze you here, yes, baby? You want to feel my big hands around your pretty, beautiful neck?”
Shane was biting his own lips, still rutting his hips into the air, desperately trying to feel Ilya’s cock against his own. He was mustering up all of his power to keep his eyes open and on Ilya.
“Yes.”
“Yes, what? Tell me with your words, Shane.”
Shane moaned as he began digging his fingers deeper into the base of Ilya’s curls. He was instinctively pulling down at Ilya’s body, trying with all of his might to force Ilya’s body down on top of his own. But Ilya held out. He wouldn’t budge.
“Yes, I want you to choke me, please, Ilya. Please wrap your hands around my throat. Please, god, fuck. Please, I…… I need it to take my breath. Blur my vision. I need, fuck -”, Shane was babbling now, and Ilya did not want him to feel too overwhelmed before they’d even tried this new thing out.
“Hey, hey…look at me again, baby. Up here.”
Shane’s eyes locked on Ilya’s. He would do whatever Ilya asked him to do right now. Always, really. He wanted to be good. He needed to earn this.
“I will choke you. I will give you all you need, moya lyubov. But I need you to promise me, you will use your safe word if you need it. Yes? Or if you cannot use your words, you will give me the signal? Tap 3 times?”
Shane nodded frantically, but the expression in Ilya’s eyes said all he needed to know. Use your words.
“Yes. I promise I will use the safe word if it’s too much. Or signal. I swear.”
Ilya smiled down at Shane softly at first, but quickly his look shifted into something more fierce. Feral, even. Ilya suddenly dipped down, immediately sucking and biting into the pulse point on Shane’s neck.
Shane’s eyes rolled back slowly. His mouth was slack, lips parted as he breathed in and out, trying to ground himself before he came in his underwear like he was fifteen years old all over again. He was still painfully hard, more pre-cum pooling and becoming more noticeable in his briefs.
Ilya held Shane’s neck steady with one hand before using his other hand to cup Shane’s crotch. He immediately grunted into Shane’s neck when he felt the pre-cum leaking through the fabric and onto his finger tips. Ilya rubbed his finger tips around the head of Shane’s cock in a circular motion as he arched up into the touch, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes from the overwhelming sensation.
“Fuck, Hollander. You are so wet already and I have barely touched you.” Ilya’s words were muffled, his mouth pressed too firmly against Shane’s throat.
Shane couldn’t formulate a word – a thought, probably – even if he tried.
Ilya then brought his fingertips up to Shane’s mouth, slowly inserting his fingers, covered in pre-cum, into his mouth. Shane let out a guttural moan when he tasted himself on his own tongue. Ilya slowly fucked his fingers in and out, all while continuing to suck deep bruises into the skin along the bottom of Shane’s jaw to the arch of his neck. Shane began swirling his tongue around Ilya’s fingers. He was so turned on he could barely stand it. Shane swore he was seeing stars. Or entering heaven. One or the other. Whatever it was, he was so lost in it that he could barely breathe.
“Shane, my little freak. My god, you are not real. Too good for me to possibly be real,” Ilya panted.
After a few minutes of Ilya fucking his fingers in and out of Shane’s mouth, he reached down with his other hand to push Shane’s briefs down his thighs. He flipped Shane’s legs around his body for a moment so that he could pull them all the way down his legs and off in one swift motion.
He then immediately positioned himself back between Shane’s legs. Slowly, Ilya pulled his fingers out of his mouth. Ilya’s fingers, now slick with Shane’s saliva, came down to lightly flutter against Shane’s hole, which was all too exposed with Shane’s legs spread this wide. Shane shuddered, at first clenching on instinct, but soon relaxing and grinding down into the feeling of Ilya’s fingertip along his entrance. Ilya slowly probed one finger in, just to the first knuckle, and Shane hissed with the initial burning sensation. Quickly, he craved more of him.
“More, Ilya. I can take more. Please, baby.”
And who was Ilya to deny this beautiful, fucked out boy of anything? He pushed his finger in all the way and began opening Shane up further.
Shane was a mess beneath him– tears running down his face, his now unclothed dick standing tall and hard against his torso. Ilya slowly inserted one more finger, then another.
“Ilya, please. C’mon, baby, I am ready. Please, need you so bad.” Shane was a withering mess beneath him, constantly thrusting up into the air and back down onto Ilya’s fingers. Just then, Shane let out a sob.
“Right there… oh fuck, Ilya. Don’t stop, please, fuck.” Ilya had pretty quickly found Shane’s prostate. It was something Ilya had become all too familiar with feeling and knowing over the last several years. As Shane’s hips started to sputter, he pulled his fingers out of him.
Shane immediately shrieked at the loss. But before he even had time to protest further, Ilya used one hand to cover Shane’s mouth while using the other to reach over to the side table, open the drawer and pull out their bottle of lube.
Ilya popped the cap open with one hand. He looked down at Shane, his expression firm, his eyes dark.
“You will be patient for me. For just one minute, Shane. Understand?”
Shane’s eyes fluttered closed as he began running his tongue along the inside of Ilya’s palm. He needed to be connected to Ilya in any possible way he could be right now. If that meant all he could have was his tongue against Ilya’s palm, then so be it. Shane was so lost in the sensation he had barely heard Ilya when he asked:
“Are you ready for me, beautiful?”
Shane opened his eyes and saw that Ilya had lined the head of his cock with his entrance. Somehow, Ilya had found the time to lose his briefs and lube himself up while Shane was busy licking at his hand like a dog. Ilya removed his hand from Shane’s mouth, letting him respond.
“Yes… need you inside of me, baby. Need you to fill me up, please.”
That was all Ilya needed to thrust forward, hard, immediately pushing himself inside of Shane’s tight, perfect heat. Shane choked on a moan, practically losing all of the air in his lungs at the sudden sensation. Suddenly feeling so full of Ilya. Ilya, Ilya, Ilya.
Ilya pulled out just before thrusting back in twice as hard. Shane could die here. He was certain of it. As Ilya began repeating this motion, thrusting in and out of him harder and harder, Shane felt the top of his head hitting the arm of the couch over and over, but he didn’t care. All he could think about was one thing. The one thing that haunted his every thought all day long. Ilya’s hands around his–
“Fuck, Ilya!” Shane shouted as Ilya’s fingers stretched around the base of his neck. His palm began pressing down harder and harder against Shane’s throat. Shane was dripping everywhere, now. His cock bouncing between his stomach and Ilya’s, the friction mixed with the tightness of Ilya’s perfect hand around his throat was almost too much to bear.
“Da, you like that? You pretty slut. Such a fucking slut for me, begging for me to wrap my hands around your throat and choke you like you’re nothing? Like you do not deserve to breathe?”
Shane was going to cum. There was no way he could last even a minute longer if Ilya was going to talk to him that way. He was already overstimulated, past the point of comfortable even, but so blissed out that he could not even begin to communicate how he felt to Ilya right now.
“Please, more” is what came out.
Ilya pushed down harder on his neck, still fucking vigourously in and out of Shane’s body. Shane wincing and his body stiffening as his ears started ringing, his vision blurring, his breathing becoming more rigid and less natural.
Never once did Ilya’s eyes leave his. Never once did Ilya let this go too far. His eyes said it all. I will not hurt you. Trust me. I love you.
Ilya was growling now, his breathing becoming deep, his hip motions suddenly more erratic.
“Fuck, Hollander. Need you to cum when I do. Need you to cum with me, baby. Can you do that for me, moya lyubov?” Ilya grunted out, his tone dark and luring despite his soft words.
Shane knew that he could cum at the same time as Ilya. All of the power he had left was being put toward holding off his orgasm right now. Toward not cumming untouched all over Ilya’s chest just from his hand around his neck. Shane shook his head slightly, as much of a nod as he could muster with his mind this fuzzy and as his vision began to dissipate.
Suddenly, with a few more hard thrusts in and out of his body and with Ilya’s fingers tightening sharply around his throat, he is cumming all over his chest with a guttural cry.
“That is it, my beautiful, beautiful boy. So perfect for me, Shane. Look at you.” Ilya is chanting as his body stills and he is groaning Shane’s name into his forehead above him, fucking Shane through his own orgasm.
Ilya slowly let his breathing even out as he looked down at Shane. Perfect, lovely, Shane whose hair was stuck to his head with sweat, cheeks flushed and stained with tears, his own cum splattered all over his chest, collar bones, and even chin.
Ilya leaned down to gently kiss into Shane’s mouth. “Was that okay, yeah?”
Shane finally opened his eyes to meet Ilya’s gaze.
“Ilya it was perfect, thank you.” Shane said in the softest, most vulnerable voice. Ilya’s heart was going to explode.
Here Shane was, so vulnerable and open for him, so immediately ready to hand over his trust to Ilya without hesitation. He had spent all day worrying that Ilya would judge him when in reality, Ilya could not imagine a world where Shane did not feel safe enough to talk to him about things like this, let alone let him try them so quickly.
“I love you. So much, Shane. Please do not ever feel afraid to come to me and ask me for what you want. Please.” Ilya was meeting Shane’s softness in his gaze. It was a gaze that Shane knew all too well– one that said “I can’t believe I finally have you” or “I could never imagine my life without you”.
Shane smiled up at Ilya. “I love you. Thank you. For everything.”
Ilya planted one more kiss to Shane’s swollen lips before he slowly pulled out of Shane, his cum slowly sliding out of Shane’s hole onto the couch.
“Fuck, you know this is like, the fifth time I am going to have to steam clean this couch because we cannot seem to stop fucking on it.” Shane muttered as Ilya walked over to the downstairs bathroom to wet a towel.
Ilya giggled as he walked back to where Shane was still laying. He leaned down next to Shane and began cleaning him up gently with the towel.
“I will buy us new couches every month if it means I get to fuck you over and over again on top of them.” Ilya stated between gritted teeth, throwing the towel and then leaning down and growling into Shane’s neck.
“Stop, stop, Ilya!” Shane laughed in return as Ilya continued nuzzling his head into Shane’s neck. Ilya smirked as he pulled off.
“You know, you love to be choked and bitten on the neck so much and it makes for very pretty markings.” Ilya gently kissed the bruises that were starting to form along Shane’s skin where Ilya had left several markings just moments before.
“I love when you mark me. Makes me feel like I am yours.” Shane muttered.
“You are mine, forever, Shane. Always mine, my pretty, easy, Shanya.”