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OJ expected a lot of things from his life. Fame, riches, success, and so on(he tried not to think about how that was due to literally being programmed as an edgy teen’s garry stu).
He did not expect to be sexually assaulted repeatedly. He did not expect to be groped, kissed, touched, and manhandled. He did not expect all of his special ‘firsts’ to be stolen from him.
But above all, he never expected that even after all that, he’d still be interested in sex.
For years, he’d assumed that just wasn’t a thing he was interested in, or even a thing he would be able to handle. That the idea of sex, of intimacy, was something permanently tainted. He’d flinched away from touch, felt a wave of panic every time something suggestive came up in a movie, he couldn’t even kiss paper until two years into their relationship! He’d just accepted that that sort of affection and pleasure was never going to feel good for him. Maybe at one point it would, but after everything salt had done to him, it was out of the question.
And then, as embarrassing as it was to admit, he started getting overwhelmingly horny for paper.
It was scary at first. He thought these feelings were out of his capability to experience. Even then, anything connected to intimacy inevitably led his brain back to remembering everything that had happened to him.
And yet, his arousal persisted.
He couldn’t get thoughts of paper in that light out of his head. Every soft smile, every bit of skin revealed for a split second of activity, every compliment. It all drove him crazy. Slowly but surly, the fears and memories in his head were replaced. Flashbacks were replaced with fantasies. And god, those fantasies…
It would just look pathetic to anyone if they read his mind. Fantasies were for the fantastical, not what was so easily obtainable. Paper kissing his body so gently. Touching his body like something special, instead of treating it like it was a toy. Respecting his autonomy. “Too fast? Too slow?”, “Does that hurt? Should I stop?”, “Did you like that? Would you like more?”. Paper just being…
Better.
He knew calling the bare minimum ‘better’ was probably really concerning, but it just appealed to him so much! He guessed a shitty fast food cheeseburger would be the best thing to a man that had been poisoned his whole life.
But even though he wanted it so badly, wanted to try it, to feel what was just so good about sex, he always ended up fighting with himself over the idea. What if it really was just that overhyped, and he disappointed paper by never wanting to do it again? What if it hurt? What if he did something wrong and upset paper.
What if paper revealed he was just like her? That he’d been plotting and planning to get him to a point where he could violate him easier?
He knew, he knew, that most of that was just him being traumatized or paranoid, but the fear planted itself so strongly in his brain, and it always managed to pull him away at the last second.
Which is why even he was surprised when he actually managed to get it together and ask paper if they could have sex.
And now he was here, a week later, given every opportunity to back out, nearly naked in front of the most beautiful man he’d ever seen.
“You look really handsome.” paper smiled softly.
“Th-thanks.” OJ muttered, sitting on the bed next to him.
Paper looked at him for a moment, concerned. “You know, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
“I-I want to! I told you myself a week ago!”
“I know, but just know it’s completely fine if you’ve changed your mind. I won’t hold it against you, I promise.” he placed his hand over OJ’s.
“I…” OJ stared at his knees. “I Think I still want to?”
“But you don’t know?”
“I-I’m just scared.” OJ clarified.
“Do you think that if you weren’t scared, that you’d know if you wanted to or not? Like, that being scared is clouding things?”
“Y-yeah! Exactly!” OJ exclaimed. “Like, I’ve wanted this for months, but I’m just… scared.”
“Do you think you could tell me what’s scaring you?”
He hesitated for a moment. It was an open secret, everyone knew that he’d been assaulted. It was hard not to know when you lived on an island with fifty other people max, and any of them could watch the recording whenever they wanted. That didn’t mean he liked talking about it, though.
“I… I’m scared it’s gonna happen again.”
Paper didn’t put OJ through the stress of asking for clarification. Again, open secret.
“I-I don’t know if this is worth anything, but I promise you, I have no intention of doing anything like that to you. All I want is to make you feel good. And if not doing this tonight, or ever, would feel good to you, then that’s what we’ll do.”
“...I want to.” OJ nodded, a bit more sure of his answer after hearing that.
“Okay, I’m sorry if I’m being way too formal, maybe it’s the lawyer in me, but could you be a bit more specific? I just want to make sure you really mean it, and that you know what you want.”
“I-” OJ stole his nerves and took a deep breath. “I want to have sex with you, specifically without any penetration of any kind. J-just rubbing, or something. I don’t want anything going in anything else…”
He felt like he was going to die of embarrassment. Why did he keep talking?! Sure, he wanted paper to know he wasn’t ready for anything as close as ‘joining their bodies together’, but ‘no penetration’ probably got that point across just as fine! But sure, he just had to run his mouth instead!
Paper seemed to notice his unease and embarrassment. He held his hand tighter in both of his. “OJ, thank you for being so straightforward about what you like. It helps a lot.”
“Uh, y-yeah.” he nodded. “Can-can we-I mean, if you’re alright with it-how are we-” he continued sputtering, stumbling over words he never thought he’d say.
“OJ?” his attention was drawn back to his boyfriend. “It’s more than fine if you don’t like this, but would you like me to guide you? Would that help, or would it make you uncomfortable?”
“Y-yes please.” OJ concluded. It would help with his own indecision, as well as just being incredibly hot.
“Alright, then would you like to lay down for me?”
OJ nodded, and wordlessly adjusted himself to be laying down on the bed, head and upper back rested against a mountain of pillows. He couldn’t help making his own bed like a hotel would, absurd amount of pillows included. Sue him, he was a sentimental guy!
“Alright, now,” paper sat himself down at OJ’s feet. “Would you like me to start higher first? Do you need to build up to me touching you down there.”
“No!” OJ’s answer came instantly, and probably a bit too aggressive based on paper’s worried reaction. “I-I just-I don’t like being groped, so… please just cut to the chase. Please don’t touch me anywhere you don’t have to.”
Paper placed a gentle hand on his hip, lightly rubbing his thumb back and forth. “Of course. Do you want your boxers on or off to start?”
“O-on.”
“And you said you wanted me to rub, right?”
“Yeah.”
“With my hand, or-”
“Hand!” OJ stopped him before the other options got too intimate for his liking.
“Alright, just tell me if you need me to stop, or if you want anything at all changed, okay?”
OJ took a deep breath in and out. “I will.”
With that last bit of conformation, paper lightly pressed his fingertips against OJ’s embarrassingly flaccid bulge. It was supposed to be hard by now, right?
Paper looked him in the eyes questioningly, wordlessly asking for the go ahead. OJ nodded, and paper pressed his fingers a bit firmer, and started slowly rubbing back and forth.
OJ couldn’t help but feel a bit ashamed of himself. This was supposed to feel good, so why did it just feel like touching skin? Was there something wrong with him?
“Um, paper?” he asked. The other man stopped immediately, giving OJ his full attention. “Can-can you, um, I don’t exactly know what’s wrong, but could you, uh, more?” Wow, he sucked at this.
“Of course.” paper smiled. He pressed his fingers a bit firmer, and rubbed a bit faster. He was kind of massaging him now, at least that’s the best way OJ could describe it.
It took a few minutes, but slowly, OJ noticed the feeling starting to change. It felt more tingly, a bit more sensitive. He found his breath picking up as paper continued to gently rub him.
“Enjoying yourself? Feeling it now?” paper checked in.
“Y-yeah.” OJ nodded.
“Do you think you’d like more?”
“Uh, yeah, I think that would be nice…”
“More of my hand, or more pressure?”
“Uh… both?” Was OJ allowed to say that?
“I can do both.” paper nodded.
He placed his palm against him, and increased the pressure a bit more. OJ sucked a bit of air in through his teeth. Okay, yeah, he was feeling it now.
A few more minutes of adjusting to this level of stimulation, and he started to feel his boxers getting a bit tight. Along with that sensation, he started feeling needy. As the seconds ticked by, he felt this going from just a thing that was happening, to something he found himself craving. The more time passed, the more devastated he’d be if paper stopped. Every moment, that primal part of his brain became more and more apparent. It became just as much of a need he had to fulfil, a feeling driving him to seek what his body needed, as hunger or thirst.
He hardly noticed he was panting, and just as much barely registered his back arching off the bed to press himself further against paper’s hand. His mind was starting to fog over to the point he didn’t recognize his own body’s actions. All that was really on his mind was that it felt good, and that he needed it to feel better.
He found himself starting to whimper and whine as he humped against paper’s hand. His own hands grasped the sheets in an unsuccessful bout to anchor himself. He barely registered the way paper’s hand pressed harder and faster to meet the pace of his hips, but some part of him was grateful.
“Does that feel good?” paper checked in.
“Y-yes! Yes, f-fuck…” OJ whined, humping harder, chasing the feeling. If there was ever a reason to strangle salt with his bare hands, making him so afraid of something that felt this good was in second place, right behind assaulting him in the first place.
“Are your boxers getting too tight? Would you like to take them off?”
Shit, right! This felt this good with clothing still in the way. The prospect of it feeling even better without them was too good for him to resist right now. “O-off!”
“Alright, I’m gonna have to take my hand off for a second, okay?” OJ nodded, even if he immediately regretted the loss of friction. He whined at the loss of contact, bucking his hips up in some instinctual attempt to get it back.
“Shh… I know.” paper softly reassured. He slipped his hands under OJ’s waistband. His glance for consent was met with a pleading, desperate whine he couldn’t help but giggle at the cuteness of.
He started pulling them down, and OJ brought his knees closer to his body to hopefully make it go faster. Paper tossed them aside once off, cringing a bit at the thought of getting pre stains out of white underwear.
OJ found himself oddly mesmerised at the sight of his own erect cock. He’d gotten hard before, of course, but his anxiousness about these sorts of things always kept him from doing much about it. It had just been a weird part of his body that shifted firmness sometimes. But this, this was different.
It stood painfully tall, red and desperate. It was shiny with sweat and pre, which it continued to drip. He noticed paper admiring it just the same. Their eyes met, snapping his boyfriend back to his senses.
He hovered his hand just short of touching. “May I?”
“Yes! Yes please, please.” OJ begged.
Paper didn’t waste another second. His hand wrapped around him, and he gasped, hands digging into the sheets, and hips bucking up. Paper took that as a good sign, and started stroking, slow and firm.
He didn’t actually have to do too much of the work. OJ ended up rutting into his hand almost instantly, chasing more and more pleasure. Still, he did his best to keep up with OJ’s pace anyway, to make him feel as good as possible.
“F-fuck! Fuck!” OJ cried. He continued to whine and whimper, huffing and moaning as his body was driven further and further beyond anything he’d been brave enough to experience before.
Paper gently swiped his thumb over the tip, and OJ moaned, high and loud.
“Shit! Fuck, please!” he pleaded. “M-more of that, please-oh my god!”
He huffed and whimpered, his body feeling so tight and desperate. He felt like he was close to completely breaking down. Shit, was he about to cum?
Paper swiped his over the tip again, and OJ moaned out his name. “Paper~! Fuck!” he felt tears start to build up in his eyes at the exertion.
At this point, almost every snap of his hips was accompanied by a steady “Ah~! Ah~! Ah~!” his body straining to let any of the building pressure out in any way it could.
“P-please…” he could barely keep his eyes open, just desperate for anything that would make him feel good. “Paper, please! I-I’m gonna- Ah~!”
“I know, I know honey. It’s okay, go ahead.” he quickened his pace the best he could, focusing in on his tip.
OJ whined, desperately thrusting into paper’s hand like an animal. So, so desperate for anything that would help fulfil the aching need in him.
With one final swipe of paper’s thumb, he was pushed over the edge.
He nearly pressed holes into the sheets as he came, grinding into paper’s hand desperately. He coated his stomach with his cum, moaning louder than he ever had before. He saw white, completely lost in a bliss stronger than anything he could remember.
The moment he started coming down from his high, he collapsed against the bed and tuned out the world, a glazed over look on his face.
When he finally came to, it was at the sensation of something wet being rubbed over his stomach. He focused his eyes to see paper just finishing up wiping him down with a washcloth, quickly discarding it on the nightstand once he noticed OJ was at least a little bit back to his senses.
“Hi honey.” he smiled, crawling over to lay at OJ’s side.
“H-hey…” OJ muttered, loopy and giggly.
“How was it? Are you feeling okay?”
OJ sighed, leaning into paper. “It was amazing. And I feel… tired.”
“I bet. Is there anything you need? Want to get dressed?”
“Wanna cuddle…” OJ nuzzled further into paper’s side.
He chuckled. “Alright, we can cuddle for a bit. But then we need to get you something to drink at least, okay?”
“Mhm…” OJ nodded, already drifting off.
Paper sighed, knowing he’d have to wake him up at some point. But, that didn’t have to be soon.
“Hey, paper?” OJ asked after a few minutes of holding each other close.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you, so, so much.”
He smiled. “Of course, Jay.”