Chapter Text
Since Ilya had met Shane, he fell unknowingly into a schedule. Whilst it had changed from meeting in hotel rooms a couple times a year to a pre-game run with Anya. Shane always ran ahead at a slightly faster pace due to the pavement not being big enough for two highly athletic men and a smaller dog who ran with the energy of an entire team of hockey players.
That was until Ilya started to notice her slow down slightly, her lead being attached to his hip meant he could not only try and match her speed during her attempts to catch up with Shane pulling Ilya along even after trying to train her she never took to it so the both gave up.
She had stopped pulling him forwards and seemed to have Ilya pulling her, normally signalling she wanted to stop and sniff something nearby or do her business. But every time Ilya would turn to check she was still beside him, she seemed tired after only doing half of the run route.
“Моя любовь” the Russian shouted ahead. Waiting for Shane to turn around being 10 steps ahead of him.
“Yea? You alright?” Shane said whilst walking back, closer to Ilya, slightly out of breath.
“Anya seems tired today, I’m gonna carry her back but you carry on.” Ilya knew Shane loved to stay on schedule, especially on game day when he’d get overwhelmed over anything.
And with that he turned around to go home Shane shouting, “Okay, see you at home, I’ll be back in 40. Я тебя люблю” By the time Ilya looked behind to check on Shane he had already started running again.
Meanwhile, he leaned down to pick her up, maybe they had just played too hard today but when Ilya thought back to it, she had slowed down these past months, they would have had her for 5 years and the vet had slim down her age from her health to be around 2 years when Harris had originally rescued her from the edge of the farm and had her found for any other health conditions, thankfully she was healthy and was thought to have only been alone for a couple hours before she was found, that being 5 years ago now.
Ilya was always thankful for the joy she bought him during his darkest moments when his sweetheart couldn’t be with him. She was like an infection of joy and they both accepted that with open arms. She was spoiled with dog beds in every room- twice her size, even the main bedroom which hardly got used due to him and Anya begging to be allowed on the bed which Shane gave in almost instantly.
When they went out, they would normally find her in their bed cuddled under the covers, creating a safe coven for herself with her favourite toys, out of literally hundreds of toys collected over the years, mostly from Ilya but still some from Shane. Her undisputed favourite was always her little toy loon which Ilya had bought her from a gift shop on her first trip to the cottage, whilst Shane had tried several attempts to give her a new one she always turned her nose up to them, preferring the old, clearly used Loon who was kept together with Shane’s sewing skills.
The past couple of weeks had been different, she was less energetic, less jumpy and seemed to be getting smaller, physically, changes happened gradually over time which were harder to notice when time away got longer and longer with away games. Ilya had noticed after the running and began looking more closely. Anya was one of the main pieces in his heart puzzle. Scrolling back in his photos and videos showed a clear difference with the girl in front of him, at a glance she seemed tired but closer examination with his newer videos showed that she struggled to show the same energy all the time.
She seemed depressed, Ilya hoped he hadn’t given it to her. He had his bad days still, they would sometimes come from nowhere or would take weeks to take effect. He knew it might be genetic, he could have gotten it from his mama but it wasn’t scientifically proven. And whilst he really didn’t think it, a small voice - sounding like his father- did, his laziness and greed had affected his dog.
“Shane.” Ilya only used it when it was serious, he couldn’t try and play a funny or teasing element into it, not when he had the strong feeling he had caused it. Ilya had walked slowly to sit next to him on the sofa, his body slightly turned to face the Canadian.
“Ilya?” Shane was used to fun nicknames or ways of lightening the tone when a serious tone came from Ilya. Shane turned to his head to look at him, Ilya looked tired, he had clearly had something on his mind, he had been off the past few days but Shane always trusted him to come to him when he was ready.
“Anya has been off these past couple weeks, she seems more tired and easier, she’s jumping less. She doesn’t play as often and just seems to be sleeping,” Ilya looked down at his hands which were in his lap, “what if I gave her my depression. I know it can be generic, but it can also be environmental. What if my bad days made her like this.” Ilya started to have tears fill his eyes. He would not cry, he would not allow it to become about him.
Shane watched as Ilya shut down, he had noticed little things like her not begging to be in their bed more nights, eating less food and even turning her nose away from her favourite treats, he couldn’t believe Ilya thought it was his fault, it broke his heart. The light reflecting on the tears that Ilya tried to hide.
“Ilya, come here,” he turned his full body towards Ilya and pushed both his hands out to make sure he caught Ilya when he flopped onto him, pushing both of them back. Backs now on the sofa, Ilya rested his head on Shane's chest still trying to hide his tears, Shane started, “Ilya it is not your fault. I have noticed a couple of things these past week with her not wanting to get on the bed as much and her not eating but I gave that to it heating up as it comes into summer. I will call the vets tomorrow morning as soon as they open to get an appointment so she can be checked out, it is not your fault Ilya.” And with that the Russian couldn’t hold his tears as they silently crawled down his face.
“Но... а что, если это я сам сделал её похожей на себя? Что, если я сделаю это с тобой?” He murmured it loud enough that Shane caught it.
“Baby, I promise you it isn’t your fault. Whatever she has, we will go through it together. We will make it through the other side. I will not be any different because of your depression, it is not an infectious disease that I can get. Посмотри на меня, Илья, я люблю тебя и буду любить всегда. Ты — моя главная цель. Аня любит тебя, может, меньше, чем своего безумца, но всё же любит.” And with that Ilya broke completely down, he couldn’t keep quiet now. His sobs echoed through the room. The only thing that broke it was the little paws of Anya who had heard it and got out of bed. She sniffed her nose in Ilya’s face as Shane stroked his curls. They were both comforting him in their own ways.
Ilya pushes out a hand to soft Anya and guide her head forwards so he could kiss it. They both were his life lines, his safety net, his way of life. He didn’t know what to do without them.
The next morning, Shane called the vets to get an appointment, giving what he had noticed and what Ilya prompted them to get an appointment that afternoon, instead of in the coming weeks.
Walking in slowly to not wake Ilya and Anya he slid back into bed, spooning into Ilya back and bending his body so his feet didn’t disturb her, she seemed to notice Ilya was upset so came to comfort him last night, not leaving his side for a minute.
Shane hoped nothing was wrong with Anya, that had to be a reason for these problems and he just hoped that everything would be okay. He didn’t know how to deal with it. If it did, Ilya would break as well as himself. He never had a dog before or any pets before when all his childhood was focused on hockey.
When Shane and Ilya got there, there were plenty of people, they hadn’t lied when they explained it might have been a squeeze. Shane walked to the reception to check in whilst Ilya tried to find a free place to sit with Anya in his hands, no energy to even bark at the other animals and people who could be potential friends.
“Hello, we have Anya for her appointment.” Shane said to one of two receptions. Her hair was bright purple in a messy bun, presumably from the large quantity of people inside the waiting room, they were early, as always - Shane could never be late.
“Yes, it is quite busy so you might find a seat, there is a bit of a delay - only five minutes at the moment but we will call you when it is your turn.” Somehow she was able to project her voice calmly over the noise that Shane could hear her but not feel like she was shouting.
He turned away, moving slightly out of the way and she went to talk to the person behind him. He didn’t have to search hard to find his husband, even in a crowded room just because he always found the glow of the sun and possibly the fact he was much more muscular than the average person.
As he walked closer he did notice a couple phones recording them, it would surface before that afternoon on Twitter with multiple different captions trying to spin it multiple different ways. Ilya didn’t seem to care, he just looked longingly at Anya making sure she was well supported and comfortable. Shane made sure to give death stares to the people with phones until they put them away with more embarrassment of being caught then doing it in the first place. Some part of him wondered what they would try and frame it as now, the last couple times they had been out they had seemingly tried to frame their divorce or a fight between them which they proved was incorrect with a picture of them kissing on instagram.
When they were finally called in by reception, a vet by the door let them in. She introduced herself as they were both led down a white, hospital-like hallway before entering a room close to the end. When they entered Ilya placed her down on the table but kept by her, he still hadn’t talked that morning except for questions about the appointment.
“So what seems to be the issue with Anya?” The vet asked whilst looking through the notes from past appointments.
Shane was about to speak when Ilya began, “These past few weeks, maybe a month, Anya has not been herself, she isn’t as energetic as she normally is. She can’t last longer than half the normal running route before pulling back. She isn’t playing with her toys or jumping, she mostly seems to be sleeping.” Ilya was known for his abrupt eye contact; he hadn’t gotten rid of the habit of reading lips to better understand what was being said. That being said, he didn’t, only keeping his eye on Anya, his arms around her neck, almost as if he let go she would disappear.
Shane took that as the point to continue, “She has also stopped eating as much, only really eating a bowl full in a day instead of her one and a half. Including her treats, she used to love her favourite treats but these days we can’t seem to get her to eat them, sometimes she won’t even look at them.” Whilst they both talked the vet had nodded along, taking some notes keeping an eye on Anya, almost if she could read her mind.
The vet started, “Those seem large changes from her normal characteristics, I’ll have a look at her now to see if there is something that could be seeming to make her like this.” As she started to walk closer to Anya, Ilya seemed to be unsure of wanting to let go before putting his arms down slowly to not scare Anya before stepping near Shane.
Shane knew what he needed at that moment was some sort of connection, even after all these years, Ilya would be grounded with just a hand on his back, unlike in the club, he was now able to move in a slow circle. It broke Shane’s heart to see Ilya and Anya like that, they both lit up each other’s worlds.
They both watched as she checked her pulse, temperature (Anya was not impressed) and they watched as her face slowly changed from exhausted to pity before looking at Ilya and Shane.
Shane felt Ilya make himself seem small, he knew that look.
“She seems to have a lump on her leg, it might be something that is benign or maybe more serious. It will have to be tested so that we can see. Because it is affecting her, if we are able to, we will try and remove it to see if there are any improvements.”
Shane felt Ilya shut down even more, he didn’t have to see him to notice. After all these years he didn’t need to read his mind because he just knew, and something like this would ruin him.
“What would the surgery entail and how long would it take for the results?” Shane knew to ask the questions Ilya couldn’t, he became his voice in this.
“Well she would have anesthetic to make sure she cannot feel anything, once removed it would be sent to a lab to see whether it is benign or more complicated. If it is cancer then we would see if it has spread anywhere in the body. There would be talks about maybe more surgeries for removal or if radiation would be a suitable treatment. It is good that you brought her when you guys did.” Shane made internal lists and flow charts about how each different ending would happen, he really hoped for it to be nothing serious or life threatening.
After she was finished and they had set a date for the surgery, that week on Thursday. They left with Shane thanking the vet and Ilya just holding Anya, his face buried in her fur. They were silent the way home, neither of them wanted to talk about what was happening, something was wrong with Anya, they hadn’t thought what it would be like without her, she was there for the good moments but also the bad moments, the moments when Ilya had his depression days, their fights over little things, when Shane struggled with eating. She was there. Shane knew he had to go to his other support system, for when Ilya and Shane needed someone in their corner, when things needed a backup system - his mum and dad - Yuna and David.
Ilya walked to the sofa and put Anya beside him, she didn’t attempt to get down or break away from Ilya, just stayed slowly looking around, maybe for Shane. She seemed to understand to a certain extent that something was wrong, she was good at emotional intelligence or being a menace to get an extra treat from everyone.
30 minutes later, Ilya was still stuck in his head with Anya by his side as he felt arms wrap around him, they didn’t feel like Shane’s but Yuna and David.
“Shane called us.” David said, they didn’t seem their normal selves, they seemed disheveled, Shane must have told them as well. Ilya couldn’t do anything right, he couldn’t even look after his biggest priorities.
“Ilya,” Yuna started, her voice the same as when she had heard what happened to his mother from the start of the charity. “It’s going to be okay, we don’t know what it is yet.” She always knew how to calm him, he could see where Shane got it from. They stayed for the rest of the night, supporting them both, silently.
The next week would be hell but Ilya knew they would get through it as a family.
Ilya and Shane had to go to practice, mainly it would be a good distraction from the looming fear of Thursday approaching slowly. Yuna and David stayed behind with Anya to keep her company, and maybe to show that she wouldn’t be alone - even promising to try and take her for a walk and convince her to have some food. They would both just have to last 2 hours at most, 1 hour 30 if Ilya could convince Shane to let him go a bit faster than usual.
They walked into the changing room quieter than normal, Ilya didn’t have his captain smile on and Shane wasn’t behind him joking with him. The team noticed instantly.
“You guys okay?” Bood said whilst everyone else kept watching, looking for a change in expression.
Shane stopped and looked as Ilya carried on walking to his spot on the bench and sitting down facing the floor.
“Мой любимый, скажи им, что я не могу этого сделать.” The Russian seemed to murmur but could be heard in the silence from the room, the tension becoming unbearable.
“Конечно” Shane said with a small smile, Ilya always used his native tongue to have private conversations with Shane in front of crowds or just to talk dirty, it was his way of being vulnerable.
Shane looked back at the people in the room, the found family in the room, “Anya has been off for these past couple of weeks. We took her to the vets yesterday and they found a lump. She will be having surgery on Thursday to remove it and see if it is benign or it needs more serious treatment.” When Shane finished he moved towards Ilya to put his hand on his back when they were both engulfed into a hug by everyone on the team and they stayed like that.
Nobody said anything but this wasn’t the tension in the room but the understanding of what this meant for them, mutual understanding.
That was until coach Wiebe walked in, unaware what was happening except that there was a pile of hockey players where his star players normally were.
“What’s happened?” He said whilst raising his eyebrows. Hayes walked over to explain so he didn’t have to say again, Shane didn't think he would have been able to if he was asked, it didn’t seem real.
The days passed slowly as Anya got worse over time. Yuna and David had still stayed, even though their house was only 20 minutes away. David had gotten their clothes as Yuna did online shopping for the next week, planning meals on the calendar in the kitchen.
It had slowly become Thursday, Ilya was still awake, he hadn’t really slept all week, Just kept researching about every possible situation whether it was good or bad he would be prepared. Shane didn’t sleep much better, being worried for both Anya and Ilya but supporting from the sidelines. Ilya felt like a horrible husband and captain. He had become useless and lazy - like his father used to call him, maybe he was right all along, he couldn’t do it.
At 9am they had to drop Anya off at the vets so they could get her ready. She hadn’t been able to eat before but Anya ate even less these days. Ilya was getting more stressed by the second and for once he was pacing around the room whilst Shane sat on the sofa with Yuna and David. Anya had been gone for 3 hours. They wouldn't hear anything for another 2 hours when she would wake up and they could go pick her up.
“Ilya, why don’t you sit down?” Shane started, sitting on the other side of the sofa whilst Yuna and David sat on the far end.
Ilya began to word vomit, “What if something goes wrong or there is a complication and they don’t call? What if she doesn’t -” Ilya was stopped by two hands on his cheeks and a soft beck on his lips. Shane had gotten up whilst Ilya was pacing.
It had worked because Ilya had started to calm down, he even sat on the sofa next to Shane, his arms wrapped around Shane’s side, the others just watching - not wanting to ruin the moment.
“If something went wrong they would call, they are trying their hardest and so are we. Do you not think we have noticed your endless research all this week?” The Canadian had turned his face to Ilya, “Я тебя люблю. Would it help if we watched the Admirals game so you can comment on Hunter?”
“Я тоже тебя люблю, maybe it would help to talk shit about Hunter.” Ilya had made a small smile to match Shane’s. He pressed their lips together before David reached to get the remote and turn on the game.
Much to Ilya’s unapproval, the Admirals won the game.
Two hours later, Ilya got the call, they were happy for Anya to be picked up. That was all Ilya needed to hear.
When they got there, the vet had put them in the same room as before as they went to get Anya, they didn’t seem to have good news by the tone Ilya could sense, it was quiet, too quiet.
It became clear when the vet began,”we did the tests and it is cancer. We removed what we could but it has spread. Stage 3. We can do radiation and medication to help with the pain. She might get a little worse at the start but as long as the cancer isn’t too aggressive it should be manageable.”
Ilya’s world seemed to stop, she had cancer. He felt a hand go around his waist but couldn’t stop the fear. His mind went blank. He heard Shane and the vet talk but couldn’t listen in. He felt he was being led to the car before breaking down in the passenger seat with Anya in his lap. She was so little and young she didn’t deserve this. He had made sure to spoil her but he didn’t think that was enough now.
Shane just held him as he cried, they both cried in the carpark unable to contain themselves until they got home. His heart broke further.