Archive of Our Own

Hyuntak glanced at his watch lazily, the time seemed to be passing slower than usual. He was completely exhausted, eyes fluttering shut from time to time, and the professor's words slurred in a distorted distant cacophony.

Morning classes were pure torture. Sure, he should've slept earlier, that part was on him, but he would've slept earlier if this assignment wasn't sent in last minute.

He stayed up all night working on it and barely got three hours of sleep. Hyuntak hated the student life, it was so much more work and emotionally draining than high school.

As if it wasn't enough, his girlfriend didn't answer to any of his texts because it was too late and she was probably asleep.

Luckily for him, the time came on his watch. He looked at the professor expectantly, almost spiritually begging, but he did not quiet down. Hyuntak sighed, shoving his face in his hands. Again, the famous "time doesn't dismiss you, I do." Thingy professors just loved to throw around like a rugby ball. He wanted to yell in frustration and run out of there in a second. What was the point of his presence?

He couldn't even take a nap or he would get scolded. He was in hell.

Forty minutes past the end of the lecture, and the class was finally dismissed. Hyuntak walked through the corridors with one goal in mind, laying in bed and sleeping.

Again, something just had to get in his way.

The usual path he took was under renovation. Awesome. Just absolutely fucking awesome.

Hyuntak was about to sit there and cry.

But he didn't, he was a grown adult. He turned around and took another path, the longer one that had the benefit of showing him the beauty of the city, and the inconvenience to make his knee ache.

Luckily, the sun wasn't too overwhelming. Hyuntak walked through the unused walkway and looked at the ducks playing in the water. It would've been nice to have something to throw at them, even if there was a clear sign a few feet away instructing to NOT throw anything at them. He simply couldn't care, they were adorable.

He liked animals, and thought they were a lot better to have around than random people. So he immediately stopped walking when he heard a cat mewing somewhere behind a convenience store. He walked closer like a moth to a flame and discovered the black kitty in a box.

"Oh my, why are you alone?" He cooed as he crouched in front of the box, hissing when his knee disagreed with the decision. "What a cutie." He started petting the cat's head gently, and it didn't back away from him surprisingly.

The kitty nudged into him and only started mewing louder. "Ah, you're probably hungry." He checked his wallet and found some money that he was willing to sacrifice— a great proof of his love for the kitty because student money wasn't easy to spend. "Wait here, I'll get you something."

He stood with a little groan, and when he turned, couldn't believe the sight that met his eyes.

Geum fucking Seongje was standing in front of him, wearing that convenience store uniform while he opened up a can of cat food. His gaze was unwavering behind the glasses sitting on top of his nose, but he seemed pissed off, or maybe Hyuntak was imagining things.

"Don't stand in the fucking way." Seongje finally spoke, catching him off guard.

Hyuntak couldn't find it in himself to move, caught up in his own thoughts. Back in the day, after he fought the union members with Baku, Sieun and Juntae, they didn't hear of Seongje again. He didn't even show up at Baekjin's funeral, he simply vanished. There were a few stories here and there about how he had gone rogue, just beating up people for fun, but they were too predictable for Hyuntak to believe them. If Seongje was good at something, it was being unpredictable and that was much too obvious.

All this to say, this was the first time in almost three years that he had seen Seongje. The guy he relentlessly fought with, the one that used to call him his playmate. He was taller now; his shoulders were a bit wider and it was obvious he was an adult or at least physically. Hyuntak had grown too, got back into sports and exercised more so he gained some muscle, but he couldn't help but feel like a teenager when faced with someone from those years again.

Seongje probably got pissed he was standing in his way, so he pushed him to the side with a hand on his shoulder. It wasn't harsh, but Hyuntak was caught off guard so he just moved. The ex-Union fighter crouched in front of the kitty, opening the can and placing it in front of it. The pet started eating eagerly, and they both watched it in silence, too afraid to say anything

"What are you doing here?" Seongje then spoke, lighting up a cigarette. That was at least one thing that didn't change about him.

Hyuntak stammered a little, eyes going wide. "I was just walking by." An insult almost slipped in, but he caught it before the fatal moment.

So much time separated them, and yet the mere sound of his voice made Hyuntak feel like he could allow himself to be just the way he was with him before. Not like anything was special, they hated each other, hungrily aching for an opportunity to be at the other's throats.

Sometimes, they wouldn't even need a reason. A nasty stare, a mocking smirk or basically anything else would rile up Hyuntak and make him rush to get physical with him.

When Seongje disappeared and his frontal lobe developed, he concluded it was because he was a hot-headed and childish teenager, but now that he was in front of him again, the theory fell flat.

"You.. you work here?" Hyuntak inquired, not sure what else to say.

"What the fuck do you think?" He glanced back at him, brows furrowed.

"Yeah, no need to be a bitch, I was just asking." He shoved his hands in his pockets, backpack suddenly feeling heavier on his shoulders.

He couldn't even pretend to be nonchalant right now, since it was so embarrassing; the way his body yelled out loud his repressed desire to be acknowledged by Seongje again. It felt wrong, terrible, but he stood there and had no will to move.

Words spiraled in his mind and became too blurry for him to pick the right ones; it had been a while since he got so nervous. He didn't particularly miss the feeling, though.

Seongje went back to feed the kitty and he shifted his weight from one leg to the other, just debating whether or not he should speak or turn around and leave. One choice was obviously better than the other, but when did Hyuntak ever listen to his common sense?

"Is it yours?" He inquired; and at this point, if Seongje didn't realize he was just trying to talk to him, he was just as stupid.

"Don't you have like.. other things to do?" Seongje spoke; his voice was monotonous and all condescending. It hurt like a sharp blade, but Hyuntak wasn't only mad at Seongje for being so strange. He grew mad at himself for even trying to talk to him in the first place.

They were kids back then, so this thing— whatever the hell it was— between them was nothing and would die into nothingness. It bothered him that he allowed himself to even remember, and hoped he could still be somewhat relevant to Seongje; and maybe learn the reason for his disappearance after everything.

His chest tightened uncomfortably and he bit on his lower lip, embarrassment flooding his senses. Hyuntak hated this.

"Whatever, dude." He walked away and didn't look back.

The task wasn't easy because he was limping a little now, his knee acting up at the worst time, but he made it home safely.

This whole terrible day he went through couldn't even compare to how meeting Seongje made him feel. This was the worst day of his life; he was probably cursed. He rolled on his bed from side to side, wrapped up in the blankets like a burrito while he whined out of misery.

Life was so cruel to him, and for what? He didn't even do anything.

He ate all his vegetables and did every chore as a child, so why was everyone cornering him now. Hyuntak didn't believe it could get worse, but obviously with the kind of luck he had, it only did.

His phone rang, and he groaned as he blindly reached for the nightstand to retrieve it. He picked up the call, "Gogo, how can I fix my cake dough if I poured salt instead of sugar in it?"

Baku spoke up, sounding a little panicked.

"What?" Hyuntak asked in return. He couldn't believe that was the reason Baku was calling him.

"Come on, quickly. Do I just add more sugar to even it out?"

"Baku, are you fucking serious right now?" Hyuntak opened his eyes as if it would make him grasp the situation better. "Why are you even baking? You're shit at baking."

"For Juntae, you idiot. He's coming over tomorrow." Baku's voice grew louder, and Hyuntak flinched as he took the phone away from his ear. "Now what? Should I add water?"

"You're such a dumbass, how did you even—" Hyuntak let out a deep exhale, he didn't need to get angrier. Especially not tonight. "Just throw it out and start over. There's nothing you can do."

"Ah, that's sad. I put so much love in it." He tsked. "Why are you even up at this hour?"

"Because you called me instead of using google like a normal person."

"Why would I use Google when I have such a smart friend around?" Baku laughed, and the sounds of kitchen movements could be heard. He was probably starting over.

Somehow, it was comforting to have his friend on the phone, just like this. No thoughts or expectations, just comfortable silence as if they were next to each other. Hyuntak missed him. While he was being progressively lobotomized by college, Sieun and Juntae were in a different one, and Baku had a restaurant. They all lived on opposite sides of the city, so they could barely meet up in person. When Hyuntak was free, the rest could be busy or at best, one of his friends could hang out.

He missed the times they could all hang out together, go to a basketball ground and just play until the sun gave out. They called each other quite often though and had gaming nights so it made up for the lack

Yet sometimes, Hyuntak felt atrociously lonely. He missed them dearly, but had no desire to bother them with such complaints, especially when there was nothing they could do about it.

He lived alone, and didn't realize how much more miserable it would make him feel. Couldn't have a pet because they weren't allowed in the building.

And his girlfriend, Sunhee.

He bonded with her shortly after moving in. She was incredibly smart and funny, and she liked the same music as him so they got along very well. He liked her, and she liked him back, it only made sense for them to start dating.

 Unfortunately, he quickly found out they didn't have the same sense of what attachment meant. He would text her a lot, and she would barely answer, but when they met in person, she was just a sweetheart. He knew she wasn't great at texting or taking calls but he thought he could bear it— he was wrong.

In moments like these, he wanted someone to call just to feel like he wasn't alone and that the creeping anxiety he felt was self-made. Hyuntak needed a lot of reassurance, and nobody could give him that, he also never spoke of it because why would he bother anyone with something so insignificant? So, he stayed there, quiet, while it burned his chest from the inside out.

Hyuntak hated being this way.

The next day, Hyuntak left his house with a more tranquil spirit. It sucked he had to take the long way again, not only because it fucked up his knee and took him more time to get to class, but also because he would have to walk by that convenience store. Where Seongje worked. Even thinking of his name have him goosebumps, Hyuntak despised it.

He still gave the place a glance as he walked past, and Seongje was outside with a cigarette and his phone. Hyuntak didn't look away fast enough, so Seongje caught him and he wanted to die of shame right in this moment. He walked a little faster to get out of there, even if Seongje probably didn't care at all and wouldn't say anything.

Hopefully, he escaped with his pride still high on his nose, but Seongje was still on his mind. He was starting to hate him again, but this time it wasn't because of his evil shenanigans, but simply because he existed in his daily life now. Hyuntak had to live with the knowledge that his _ex playmate_ worked a few feet away from his apartment building. This was great.

Seongje carved himself in his daily routine. Standing outside of the convenience store at the exact time he would be walking past to enjoy his smoke break. Each and every time, they would lock eyes and Hyuntak would look away first and try to get on with his life like this wasn't anything. And it wasn't anything at all. Seongje made it clear from their very first interaction.

He didn't want him around.

And Hyuntak didn't want to be around him either.

One evening, Hyuntak finally received a call from his girlfriend while walking out of his evening lecture. He giddily picked up the phone, his heartbeat quickening as he heard her low and caring voice.

"Takie, are you free right now?" She asked, seemingly somewhere noisy. He heard the sound of a door opening and closing, and the muddled voices and music faded out in the background.

"Yeah, are you?" He stilled somewhere outside the building, finding a spot of shade under a tree.

"Soon." She added, "but it feels good to hear your voice. I have been busy lately so I missed you."

Her words lit up something inside of him, he smiled brightly. "I missed you too. We can meet up somewhere later?"

"Actually, I'll come to your place." She stated. "Is that okay?"

Hyuntak didn't like the way he hesitated. "Yeah, yes of course." He nodded quickly, looking down at his feet.

"Perfect. I'll be there in like.. two hours."

"See you then. Love you." He concluded as she let out a giggle before hanging up the phone.

He stood there for a good moment. She would be coming over. Tonight.

"Ah, what's wrong with me.." he sighed, rejecting the unease that hatched inside of him and started walking home.

Couples did that, and it wasn't the first time she would be coming over, but he was so anxious for some reason. He felt the weight settle in his navel, something itchy and unwanted that made him drag himself to his apartment like he wasn't gonna meet his girlfriend moments after. The truth was, he was a little scared to have her in his apartment because it probably meant they were going to have sex.

He sighed and shook his head while the thought marinated in there.

The last time she came, she tried to kiss him a few times and while he thought his heartbeat was so fast because he was shy, he was in fact, very much frightened. He had to pretend to be too tired for her to give up on her plans to take things further.

Obviously it made sense for her to desire him carnally, he was her boyfriend and had been for a while, but he just couldn't bring himself to get physical with her. She was stunning and he was in love with her, although kissing her felt so awkward he wasn't sure it was right. Let alone what was supposed to come next.

He wasn't scared to admit he was a virgin. A lot of guys his age were virgins, and he wasn't insecure about it. Hyuntak just wasn't ready, and the whole thing made him feel uncomfortable. He hoped he was wrong and she wouldn't try anything tonight.

Hyuntak was right.

She walked in with that beautiful lip-gloss on and greeted him with a hug. He reciprocated it, inviting her to the sofa while he brought out two cans of beer.

"I'm so tired." She sighed and leaned back against the sofa, opening her can.

"I already made the bed; I knew you'd probably need to rest." He answered softly.

"You're adorable." Sunhee smiled and rested her hand on his knee.

The knee. That was safe. Nothing inappropriate about it.

"Haha, it's nothing." He shook his head, and they drank in silence.

She would talk about her part time job from time to time, about how annoying it was and how she wished she could be a cat to laze around all day. Then, she rested her head on his shoulder while the TV displayed some old rom-com, it all felt so nice.

Hyuntak felt at ease with her, he allowed himself not to think of anything else and simply giggled every time she said something funny. Suddenly, Seongje popped up in his mind and he felt like telling her all about him and the fact he met him again, but he stopped himself. It wouldn't make any sense, he wasn't even that close to Seongje, and she didn't need to hear about something so boring.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when her hand moved a bit higher, and now a few cans of beer in, it took him a bit more time to process what was happening.

"Takie, if I go to sleep now, are you gonna come with me?" She asked softly, her warm breath hitting his cheek.

"I can't.." he shook his head, turning to face her. They were so close now, but when she did the obvious and leaned forward to kiss him, he pulled back.

Hyuntak mentally cursed himself. "You won't even kiss me Goodnight?" She pouted, and he had to conjure everything he had in himself not to run away.

His body was in a state he didn't recognize; All he knew was that he couldn't do it. He couldn't get closer, couldn't kiss her, couldn't do anything. It broke his heart to be so incapable, it was his first true partner ever, and he had the feeling he was fucking things up before they even had the chance to get serious.

"Sorry, I can't.." He muttered, taking her hand off of his thigh. Despite the answer, he found it natural to place a peck on her cheek, like they always did. "Sleep well, I'm sorry."

Sunhee looked very disappointed, but she didn't add anything and just nodded. She stood up, stumbling slightly before she got to his bedroom. Hyuntak sat there in silence for a moment, maybe to punish himself, and basically drown the shame and guilt he felt. It didn't work, so he put the empty cans away and slept on the couch like he always did when she came over. He was such a loser; he couldn't believe himself.

Hyuntak didn't like kissing.

Sunhee was his first girlfriend, and three months into the relationship, they kissed after a nice date. Something simple, so innocent that she ended up giggling at him— since they were a bit drunk, too. They kept pecking each other's lips for a while, with no improvement, even though Hyuntak knew she would be able to teach him. He was just paralyzed every time they kissed, and it surely felt awkward for her to move against immobile lips. They stopped after some time, never did it again, and Hyuntak learned he didn't have to try anymore. Even if it meant saying no at each occurrence.

The morning came, and she smiled at him brightly as she found him making breakfast. They ate together and he walked her out to the bus station, which meant they both walked by the convenience store. Hyuntak perceived Seongje on his usual smoke break, but they didn't lock eyes as usual. Hyuntak ignored him completely, and felt a bit of pride at that.

"It was nice to spend time together." Sunhee told him as they waited for the bus to come.

He nodded with a pleased expression, hoping she wasn't lying just to make him feel alright. "Yes, since I missed you so much."

"Let's see each other again soon." She smiled, gently tapping his shoulder.

Hyuntak nodded. Later on, he waved at her when her bus drove away. He truly didn't deserve her, he felt like he was wasting her time.

These pathetic thoughts followed him as he walked back home, interrupted by the cries of a kitten. He looked down and it was the same kitty from last time, it came to him and climbed to the hem of his trousers. The adorable sight almost made him melt, so he held the kitty and kept it close.

"Awe, what are you doing here all alone?" He mumbled, gently petting it.

If the kitty was out there by itself, maybe it wasn't Seongje's at all. Nothing said he would be a good caretaker, anyways, but it felt natural for Hyuntak to assume.

"So cute." He smiled warmly, instantly forgetting about everything else.

Then he heard footsteps coming his way, and looked up to find Seongje. This time, he wasn't going to say anything, he wasn't gonna make a fool of himself. The guy was looking at him differently this time, though, he seemed calmer.

"She's mine. Give her to me." He said simply, extending his hand.

"I wish I could, but she's not letting go." He explained, the kitten mewing even more as she dug her nails into his blue hoodie. "Come on, let go."

Seongje sighed, stepping closer but Hyuntak immediately stepped back, a little frightened by the sudden gesture. "Relax." He spoke, coming forward once more while he held the kitty by the loose skin on her neck, making it easier to hold her.

When it was done, it would be obvious for Seongje to turn and go back to ignoring him, but he didn't for some reason. He looked at Hyuntak intently, seemingly hesitating about something.

"That was your girlfriend?" Seongje suddenly asked, and all the quiet excitement that was building inside of the other just died down underwhelmingly.

"What? Why would I tell you that?" He frowned; annoyance written all over his face.

"I don't know man, I'm trying." He tsked, taking a look around before it settled on Hyuntak again. He looked him up and down, shamelessly taking in every detail he could register. The other didn't know how to react, but he was prepared to walk away if the exchange became weird again. "You've grown."

"Yeah, time does that." He couldn't help the bitterness in his tone, it was stronger than him. "I mean yeah, you too."

Seongje nodded, and oh was the whole thing awkward as hell. "Yeah, I guess I'll see you around." He concluded, not immediately leaving.

Hyuntak stared at him blankly, completely dumbfounded. "Sure." He nodded, and his legs finally obeyed as he walked back home.

He closed the door behind him and leaned back against it, heart hammering away in his chest— and for what? It became obvious that he had wished for Seongje to acknowledge him, even without admitting it to himself, but this was something entirely different.

In the same way that he had matured, becoming less and less fiery and short-fused, Seongje seemed distinct. Unsure on how his new traits would manifest, exactly, but still.

He acknowledged Hyuntak.

He knew he wasn't in the place to ask what happened after the union dissolved— at least not so prematurely— so he kept the question warm in the back of his head, just in case time or destiny, perhaps, would close the bridge between them if only by an inch.

He breathed in and out slowly, clearing his mind from the remnants and the echo Seongje had left there.

The guy was all consuming.

If Hyuntak couldn't help but consciously stumble into his traps to fight him over and over back then, it was for a reason. Some would say the pull of adrenaline, but he called it an illness.

A vicious fever that linked him to the boy in the orange windbreaker, lacing his teenage years with a severe case of it.

He was in fact very much still ill.

He sighed loudly, this day was supposed to be all rest and tranquility. He planned on staying home to do something relaxing, maybe some stretching exercises or playing games. Now, it was certain the walls of his small apartment would bully him relentlessly if he stayed.

So, he called Baku.

Their meet ups were never awkward, so despite the tremendous struggles of life, Baku would find a way to make him laugh.

He got to his restaurant in no time, ordering the most annoying dish to make while he observed him move around the kitchen.

"Don't stand there, wear this and help me." Baku instructed, throwing an apron at his friend with a laugh.

"I'm a customer so no way. You've gotta serve me." He joked, hitting him on the back with the folded apron. "Hurry up, you better make it good."

"You little shit."

The scene faded in genuine giggles and Hyuntak realized that this was the reason why he was feeling so down lately, the lack of Baku. Before college, they were inseparable. They did everything together. Just like socks or gloves, Baku and Hyuntak came in a pair, and it hit him like a bus every time he found himself alone and miserable. He simply missed his best friend.

"Sunhee came over last night." Hyuntak admitted when they sat to enjoy their lunch together.

The restaurant was almost empty, so it was a good time to rest and just have a conversation.

"Fun!" Baku answered with his mouth full of rice, and the other tsked in reprimand. "What happened?"

"That's the thing... Nothing happened." Hyuntak sighed as he played a bit with the food, looking down at the bowl of stew in front of him. "She wanted to, but I pushed her away."

"Oh." His eyes rounded up and he nodded slowly. "So is she like.. avoiding you?"

"No, more the opposite; but I feel bad, you know. It's wrong to treat her like that."

"I mean, maybe she understands. Some people are asexual, Juntae told me about it the other day, and maybe she's just not the right person for you. You can love someone a lot and not want to have sex with them, I think it's normal. And also, she's your first girlfriend." He explained, and it surprised Hyuntak every time because in situations like these, his brain activity was flawless.

He thought about it for a moment all the while enjoying his food. Hyuntak really amounted to his situation to the plain old fear of change he could never get rid of. Or maybe simply he was embarrassed because of his inexperience. Then again, Sunhee wouldn't mind, she wasn't the type of woman to mock someone just because they weren't an expert at something they never did.

"Yeah.. you're probably right." He nodded as he popped open their two bottles of Soju.

The time went by slowly, and they both decided to drink. It made sense to drown one's misery, desperately hoping it wouldn't know how to swim.

Even though Hyuntak had an early lecture the next day, he put this moment first, cheering with Baku at any given occasion and laughing as loudly as he could. Euphoria settled in his veins, and suddenly he was too tired to form a coherent trail of thoughts.

Even the sky grew tired, the bright yellow of noon turning into an orange and pink hue as Baku walked him to the bus stop. He felt buzzy, giggling at every little thing that caught his attention; and when they parted ways, he waved at his friend like he wouldn't see him again.

He watched the city streets through the bus window, faces merging together in a colorful blur since the bus was relatively fast. He felt so relieved he could've just fallen asleep right there, in this crappy bus seat, forever. Hopefully or not, he had to leave, stumbling a little when his feet settled flat against the ground.

Then he walked, and although the ground was unmoving and his head zipped shut, he felt like one wrong move would cost for his brains to spill out. He reached for his nape and gave it a squeeze, holding his jacket with the other.

Hyuntak stepped into the convenience store with the idea to buy a cold drink, anything to set his ideas back into place— really it had nothing to do with the cashier, Seongje.

So, he put the bottle of soda down in front of him, and met his gaze shortly after, though it was hard to keep it steady with the way his head was spinning.

"Since when do you drink so much, jeez." Seongje shook his head, lazily scanning the bottle, but Hyuntak heard him loud and clear.

"Why do you even care?" He started, voice low and tired. "You're such a hypocrite."

Seongje's eyebrows rose with a mix of surprise, disdain and amusement, and he just followed the gesture eagerly. "Oh yeah?"

"Fuck yeah. You just.. pop up in my life after completely vanishing for three damn years." He started, not even noticing how much he was spilling there. "Not even an explanation, you just act like a dick as if I ever personally wronged you."

Seongje looked at him with an intensity that would be hard to describe. His eyes were attached to him, to the way his mouth moved, to the way his lips formed a cute pout after each sentence.

"I didn't ask for anything.. did I? You're the one that used to call me your playmate, but you just left without saying anything. Do you know how worried I was? And now you're just.." He stammered a bit, probably done with the sole moment of clarity amidst drunkenness. "Ah, that makes me so fucking angry." He finally put the money down and grabbed the bottle.

Seongje was too stunned to speak, he then realized how the few remaining customers were just straight up looking straight at him like this was nothing but a drama. His boss too, even, but the man was laughing instead.

"Young men these days are so vigorous." He chuckled to himself.

He let out a long exhale.

He didn't know what else he was supposed to do. Of course, he knew he was being rude, but he never thought it would matter. Hyuntak was always on opposite sides from him, despite their personalities which could be similar sometimes. Both short-tempered and addicted to adrenaline, that was why Hyuntak always kept coming back despite knowing how wrong it was.

Seongje knew that in the end, they were two sides of the same coin.

However, destiny would put Hyuntak in a position where Seongje could only point at, never fully capable of reaching him. Just like the brightest star in a cloudless night sky.

No matter how much he pushed and punched him, he could never really reach him, lay his hands on him on a deeper level— because Hyuntak never stayed down.

Every damn time, he would find the resolve to get back up and fight just like the precedent hit didn't break something inside of him. Seongje found it fun, at first, it was his perfect chance for a challenge to break him, to ruin him for anyone else. Yet as the days went by and the wounds healed, he realized Hyuntak had something he could only fantasize restlessly about.

He had arms to run into, hands to stitch him up, and affectionate voices to fill the void that bared his insides to the cruel world. He wasn't a challenge, he would never break because he had all of that, and Seongje had nothing.

To the world and to himself, he was a lost cause, losing himself even more everyday as he dragged— or rather tried to, with a lot of difficulty— the other by the fangs into the cave of nothingness he hid inside of.

Seongje was just so fucking afraid to be alone.

So, when the little stability he pretended to have collapsed, there was nowhere to run and nothing for him anymore. He left and found a job, and tried to create some sort of order that could numb him down.

Maybe that was when he changed.

To be told all of these things he buried and refused to face, especially coming straight out of Hyuntak's mouth, was infuriating— because what would he know?

When Seongje saw him there on a random day, he felt a mix of complex emotions swarm his mind. He never learned how to decipher these things, so they turned into anger, something he could handle and express easily. Then Hyuntak tried to speak his way through the wall it represented, and warmth bloomed in his chest, Seongje could do nothing but push him away.

Seeing him everyday, painfully aware of his presence in his life, of the fact he only had to step forward to integrate him completely. No matter how much he refused to give in, everything was already done. He was used to seeing him walk past the store every day during his smoke break; even when Hyuntak ignored his stare, Seongje had nowhere else to look. He felt so damn pathetic.

On days where he wouldn't walk past him, Seongje wouldn't stop wondering about what he was doing that could justify his disappearance. Even when he knew it was silly to think this way, because he was nothing to the guy, he was just being greedy.

Hyuntak was drunk when he spoke, so he couldn't blame him, yet he itched in his spot for a few minutes before he walked out. Hopefully or not, Hyuntak hadn’t gone too far.

He was crouching on the walkway, petting the kitten that hung around the convenience store sometimes.

Although Seongje had walked out, all riled up and ready to cuss him out, the sight made him forget what was even the point.

Hyuntak's voice was sweet as he cooed at the creature, and Seongje was pulled forward.

"Yah, Go Hyuntak." He started, watching as the other slowly turned to look up at him, pupils dilated and lips slightly pouting.

"Go back to work, you shithead." He answered with no thought process

Seongje rolled his eyes, realizing talking to a drunk man probably wouldn't be very productive. "Whatever happens, you started it." He spat out lazily, giving his flushed face and ears one last look before he left.

Maybe that would do the job.

Pain was what woke up Hyuntak. A stinging, hammering, disorienting pain all around his skull. He winced and turned on his bed, but the sun fell right upon him and he winced.

"Fuck me.." he grunted, burying his face in the pillow as hard as he could.

He felt like detaching his head from the rest of his body and kicking it away from him as hard as possible; however, a sound caught his attention, a creature was meowing next to him, soft fur being rubbed against the side of his face. He turned slowly, and there stood the kitty from the convenience store.

The convenience store.

Seongje.

Last night.

He remembered everything, the memories poaching him in heat and embarrassment. His tongue had been loose enough to reveal such thoughts to Seongje, he felt entitled enough to lash out at him, and he just couldn't believe it.

As if it wasn't enough, he stole the poor cat.

"Ugh, Fuck this.." he grunted, shoving his face in the soft cushions once more. The kitty climbed on his back, being so loud surely out of hunger.

So, he had to indulge. He got ready for his lecture and put the kitty in the pocket of his sweater, her little head poking out as he neared the convenience store.

He took in a deep breath and walked in, carefully avoiding the employees he saw as he got to the pet food section.

"So, you steal cats now?" That voice was unmistakable. Low and velvety, sounding almost mocking, which was characterizable Seongje's.

Hyuntak sighed, "I didn't steal her, I was just drunk."

"I remember."

He looked at the employee and his face were still vibrant with remnants of the rough night. Seongje was different, though. There was something new in the way he looked at him, a small but indiscreet smirk lurking in the corner of his mouth. It almost seemed boyish, a smile that was so him, at least what Hyuntak remembered of him. He hated it.

For a second, he felt as if that guy from high school with the orange windbreaker was standing right in front of him. He was a little out of breath. Then, the kitten jumped out of his pocket, and he barely caught it.

"Why'd you take her if you can't even take care of her?" He tsked, stepping closer and retrieving the kitten gently.

The proximity took him off guard, but Seongje didn't seem to mean anything by it. He then took the cat outside and opened a can of food if front of it, Hyuntak simply followed.

She purred cutely as she ate all of it, and they both looked down at her, each preoccupied by different things.

"I said some stuff yesterday... Sorry about that." Hyuntak spoke quietly, almost embarrassed.

Seongje looked back at him with annoyance, all of this sounding too corny even for him. He wasn't as upset as he was when he heard the words slip out of his pretty lips, and he hated that Hyuntak thought he could hurt him with what? Calling him a hypocrite?

"Do I look like I give a fuck, Go Hyuntak?" He stood back up and faced him. "It's almost funny, why would I be upset to hear about how pouty you got from me abandoning you." He chuckled, tilting his head slightly sideways.

Hyuntak frowned deeply at that, and Seongje went ablaze inside of his chest.

"What the fuck are you on about?" He barked, sounding way too much like a startled puppy. The way his eyes twinkled with something between anger and embarrassment just did it for Seongje, he couldn't hold back his teethy grin from appearing.

"It's almost cute, seeing you try to deny it." He put a hand on his cheek, tapping it twice with no real force. "Were you so worried that I forgot about my dear playmate, mhm?"

"I didn't—" He looked away for a split second, but came back strong, even more stubborn. He shoved the other's hand away, immediately fisting his collar. "Shut the fuck up!"

Seongje chuckled and let his hands rest inside his pockets, just looking at Hyuntak's expression. He was so fiery, and this was all for his enjoyment. Before this moment, he almost thought the boy had lost his spark, this something that made Seongje stop in his tracks under bridges after school to get the chance to tease him. To bring this expression out of him and play.

The same need little boys had to destroy their peer's sand castle on playgrounds to get on their nerves. Seongje felt just like this, he didn't think much of it.

"Make me, puppy." His face lifted once in an up-nod, smirk widening.

Hyuntak felt something inside of him burn for the first time in so long. He hated it, the way it consumed him from the inside out, made his fingers tingle with urgency and his throat tie up in a knot.

The same feeling that had him dropping every plan when Seongje started annoying him, just to throw himself at him with the aching need to hurt him, to punch that satisfied smirk off of his face. He had forgotten how sickeningly good it felt to let it run all under his skin and pollute his mind.

His fist rose before he could think about it, preparing himself to hit— and he was going to, unfortunately, an old man had to walk out of the convenience store at this exact moment.

"Oh my! Don't fight here!" He intervened, and Hyuntak immediately let go, realizing what he was about to engage in. Wasn't he supposed to be too mature for things like that?

He felt even more embarrassed, and took a few more steps away to make sure the old man wouldn't get any ideas.

"Seongje-yah, how about going back to work?" He nagged, and muttered to Hyuntak. "I know he's annoying but don't hit him, that will only make him worse."

And the man's words were filled with truth.

That's all Seongje wanted at this moment, for Hyuntak to let go and hit him first. He needed to prove that the guy indeed felt something for him, whether it was anger, resentment or something else entirely. He was convinced Hyuntak hadn't grown immune to him.

Seongje let out a sigh, "I guess we can't play today, puppy. Maybe tomorrow?" He teased, walking back into the store with that satisfied smile on his face.

Hyuntak left the area boiling in fury.

From this day, their relationship— or whatever it was, really— shifted.

It wasn't only staring anymore. Hyuntak would do everything he could to avoid Seongje, but the other would always find a way to get on his nerves. He knew he shouldn't let himself go and fall into the barely disguised trap, but sometimes it got so tempting there was nothing else he could imagine himself doing.

The road he used to take was still out of service, and it felt like the Gods collectively decided to punish him for stealing that candy when he was nine. He had to walk there every morning, hear Seongje say something that would make him mentally pause and beat him up thrice in his mind.

He wouldn't do it, he promised himself he wouldn't let the guy win.

Until one day occurred. His girlfriend unexpectedly knocked on his door one evening, smiling brightly with a pack of beers. He had no idea what she was happy about, but he simply laughed along and allowed her inside.

"Sorry I didn't call first; I was just around and decided to visit." She said as she settled on the sofa. The beers were fresh, so they could enjoy it right away.

"It's fine, I wasn't planning on going out." He spoke from the kitchen, rummaging through the closet to retrieve some snacks.

After the annoying week he just went through, seeing Sunhee was like a breath of fresh air. He settled next to her while a movie played on the small TV, and they got comfortable.

"Great, because it still is kind of a special day." She giggled a bit, and Hyuntak froze.

A special day. This was a special day.

He quickly giggled along, faking it until he'd make it. He had no idea what she was talking about; he knew the date of her birthday; it was definitely not today.

"You.. know it, right?" She asked, squinting a little at his reaction.

"Is it like..." He laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck in hopes something would come up. Preferably something correct. 

"Tak-ie." She added, the smile disappearing from her face in the same way a candlelight would be blown away.

Hyuntak's heart fell down to the pits of his stomach, "Was it important? I'm sorry, I forgot." He exhaled, hoping honestly would redeem him.

However, he knew it was too late. The expression she had now was nothing but disappointment and Hyuntak spent the next few seconds searching for a surprise he wouldn't find, because this wasn't an uncommon occurrence.

The last time they had met, she left with the same express and that feeling that haunted him came back with the force of a hundred bulls. Hyuntak was a bad boyfriend.

"It's nothing, really. Just forget it." She salvaged instantly, though he could feel the shift in the air. "What should we watch?" Sunhee smiled as she grabbed the remote.

He was speechless, not by choice, but because he knew nothing would bring things back to how they were a few minutes ago. He knew there was something wrong with him, that he wasn't always like the ideal boyfriend, but she wasn't the ideal girlfriend either. If anything, they both behaved like nothing but close friends. The care, the respect and the love were there, but something fundamental was lacking in their relationship. Commitment.

She wouldn't always text back, or wouldn't always want to hang out, and Hyuntak would never tell her that these were things he'd wished for in a relationship. When he thought of it, it probably was the same for her. Maybe in fact, she needed some commitment from him but didn't want to request something.

The rest of the evening was nothing more than a friendly meeting, and at some point, she leaned closer to kiss him. Her eyes closed, and he could feel it was now or never. It was probably his last chance to prove he was fit to be in a relationship with her, but he chickened out.

That same horrendous impression rang through him, and he just couldn't. He ended up placing his lips on top of hers, very quickly, but it did not feel sincere. He was tense, very visibly so, and if he himself could tell, why wouldn't she.

She backed away and let out nervous laugh.

"It wasn't that hard, wasn't it?" She joked, and even if he did too, his eyes were yelling that indeed it was the hardest thing he's ever done.

He walked her to the bus station when their movie was over, at a weirdly slow pace, and more silent than ever. He did witness Seongje sitting at the table in front of the store, eating some junk food with the kitty on his lap. However, Hyuntak couldn't really be thinking about him.

A sense of impending doom was clouding him, but he had no idea how to make it go away, how to join the pieces so that Sunhee would hold onto him just a bit longer, even if it was selfish. If this relationship failed, it would mean something he just wasn't ready to accept at all.

She didn't say she loved him before leaving, this time; just an awkward smile and a wave as the bus drove off, and Hyuntak did the same because he had no right to require anything after giving her such a disappointing evening.

His feet seemed to hesitate as they carried him home, but Seongje was obviously not gonna let him catch a fucking break.

"Yah, Go Hyuntak." Seongje called lazily, and he hated the way he instinctively stopped in his tracks.

He didn't listen and started walking forward again. "Puppy, I'm fucking talking to you."

The convenience store worker came to him, turning Hyuntak's face towards him as he held his chin. He had a satisfied snicker on his face, which turned into something different when Hyuntak sighed and laid eyes on him. He wouldn't know what he saw, all he knew was how badly he needed to go home.

"You look awfully angry right now." Seongje cooed with amusement, giving his face a playful wobble. "What's with that look?"

Hyuntak slapped his hand away, but he didn't step back. "Not today, okay?" He scolded, glaring into him as if looks could kill. At this moment, he wished they did.

Seongje simply laughed, bringing his hand back with more force. This time he held his whole jaw, the firmness of his palm giving Hyuntak a sense of eerie stillness. His feet were stuck in place, and if he dared fight it, he wasn't sure it would be any help.

"And why not? You don't want to play today because of some chick?" Seongje stepped closer, his head tilted to the side.

Maybe it was the tone of his voice, maybe the fact he called Sunhee some chick or a mix of the two, but the readiness he felt to put an end to this instant flew away. He shoved Seongje away with a hard push, and watched as he finally stepped back. "Mind your damn business!" He barked, the pure and genuine anger rising inside of his chest.

"Look at that.." He exhaled pointing two fingers in his direction. "Just because I called her a chick? You must be so fucking whipped."

The years he spent working on inner peace to become a calmer, better person, all flew away in record time. Seongje did that to him.

Maybe in high school, it wasn't his fault he was that short tempered, but he sure cultivated it with great joy. Hyuntak believed it was because he was the kind of wicked guy that took pleasure in messing with others; but then, the more he partook in it, the more he realized it was more than that. Realizing how much of a lonely loser Seongje was, surely turned into one of the reasons behind his eagerness to entertain his madness. And well, he might've lost himself there since his absence carved a hole inside of him.

"Usually, I would let it pass but I feel like you need a reminder of what's going on." Seongje stated, voice and gaze steadily serious. "You don't choose where or when I get to mess with you, puppy."

Hyuntak froze and sighed, shoulders untensing slightly before he could catch it. Something warm spread inside of him, growing heavy and coiling in the pit of his gut. It felt wrong, like something spookily familiar that he swore he had let go and was free from. A mix of complex feelings invaded his mind but all he could turn it into was anger, an all-consuming, will-shattering anger.

His fists balled tightly, and Seongje immediately noticed, "Fuck... You must've really missed this."

Hyuntak didn't wait for him to add anything before he swung first. Seongje dodged easily, and this moment became a blur of hits and misses, mirroring a heated tango.

He had never let go of taekwondo and practiced often, so the kicks came easily to him, and the adrenaline flooding his blood made him temporarily forget about the ringing in his knee or the way his stomach dropped every time Seongje got close to hitting his face.

After the game of cat and mouse in which they avoided each other's hits, Seongje grew tired of assessing his playmate's capacities. They weren't lost, nor was his attention— he was exactly where he wanted to be.

Seongje decided to attack, hitting the other right on the cheek, watching his face swing to the side. Hyuntak's ears rang momentarily but he looked back at him and realized there was no point in turning back now, Seongje was invested.

He lunged forward again, sending quick and precise kicks in his direction— which surprised the other in a way he could only block them with his forearms. Then, Seongje grabbed his leg, wincing in the process from the sheer force of the impact, as he laughed through it. The feeling was similar to catching a bird mid-air, and yet it immediately slipped away when Hyuntak spun and bent his knee, freeing himself from his hold before Seongje realized.

He stepped away, putting an irritating distance between them, holding a position of defense Seongje had never seen.

"What's that? You've taken some classes, puppy?" He teased, adjusting his glasses on top of his nose. "Am I the first one you're using them on?"

"Fuck off, you wish." He spat, but Seongje was half-right. He did imagine himself beating him up while he took his martial arts classes.

"Yeah, I kinda do. That move was fucking cool. Too bad I'm gonna fuck you up regardless." He chuckled, announcing a series of powerful strikes.

Hyuntak dodged skillfully, letting out a grunt when he got hit in the ribs and bent forward slightly, involuntarily allowing the other to grab the back of his head by a fistful of hair, letting him pant on his chest a little before yanking his face backwards.

Seongje relished in the sight of his furrowed brows and busted lower lip, the blood making it tempting to drag his tongue all over it.

"You look so fucking pathetic." He chuckled, giving light slaps on his cheek, half to tease and half to wake him up. "Ah, puppy, what should I do with you?"

The other winced and let out a whiny gasp, pushing himself off of Seongje. He was starting to feel tired and disoriented, the amount of hits his head received started to get to him, but he stood straight nonetheless.

He went right back to kicking, his bad knee ringing every time he supported his weight on it too much. Seongje was obviously amused, barring them and aiming for Hyuntak's blind spots.

One particular punch sent him tumbling to the side, and he spat out some blood.

"Are you done already?" Seongje cooed, shoving his hands in the pockets of his windbreaker, even though it was obvious he was hurt too. He had red marks on his cheeks from Hyuntak's fists and his nose leaked a few drops of blood. Yet he smiled through it, feeling euphoric to be experiencing this after so long. "I thought you'd have gotten better than that. I'm very disappointed."

"Talk for yourself. It feels like you're not even trying." Hyuntak almost laughed. Even if he wouldn't admit it, this moment felt good. Everything about it. From the aching of his muscles to the stillness of his thoughts. There was nothing and nobody else around, just him and his unrestrained urge to drag Seongje to the ground.

"Oh yeah? You want me to stop holding back?" He grinned widely, and when his fist rose in the air again, Hyuntak took the opportunity to step aside and trip him. Really, as simply as that.

He held onto his arm and dragged him down, because even if he was feeling his knee cry out, he had no intention of giving up now. Something he learned the hard way was that his leg was going to put him in such situations, whether he liked it or not, and he had to learn how to bypass it. This was the way.

He straddled Seongje and punched him, his glasses officially falling off of his face and landing somewhere on the ground.

His fist stung as it collided with his cheekbone repeatedly, and Seongje laughed. At first, he didn't even try to pry him off, a bit stunned with the decision to lock him under the weight of his body. The absolute hate in his eyes, burning bright and hot as he looked down at Seongje was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. God, he'd missed this.

He grunted every time, because it did hurt, and when he filled his mind with enough of the stunning picture, he swiftly flipped them around on the cold, dirty gravel. "Who taught you to hit like that, puppy?" He now noticed how out of breath he was.

The boy struggled to get him off of him, exhaling and huffing, and it was Seongje's turn to bless his face with punches. "Get the fuck off me!" He shouted, tugging at the other's clothes to pull him off, but Seongje was heavy and really, really liked being on top of him like this.

"Say please." He took a hold of his hair again, noticing some of his own blood had dripped on the other's cheek, dangerously close to his lips, and became diabolically aware of the position he was holding him in. He wondered if Hyuntak was feeling the same, if he was finding a similar wicked enjoyment.

"Get lost!" He shouted back, because his ego was too big of a wall and he would never beg Seongje for anything. This was a reason, and the other was too much to bear.

They didn't care if someone saw, even though nobody wandered outside at this hour. It was only them, the flickering street lamp and the ground.

Hyuntak choked on a grunt and manoeuvred his leg to push Seongje off of him, the pain ringing through his entire body. He immediately sat up, his hand covering up his knee in a distress he couldn't cover up. Most opponents would've been down by now, but only did it happen when he was against Seongje.

He was dizzy, and he feared he would hear the other's annoying laugh or teasing remarks, and yet nothing came. He stayed like that until the pain subsided, and when he dared looking up, the other was closer than expected, crouching in front of him and staring intensely.

They stayed like this, blood drying on their skins as they merged in the scenery like nature herself decided to put them there. Seongje looked like he would've preferred to be anywhere else, but Hyuntak wasn't sure that was what he felt inside, he could never guess anything about him anyways. So he didn't move, he didn't ask him, he didn't try to hit him again either. He just stared, their gazes merging together almost romantically.

Seongje leaned closer, suddenly, their faces as close as they could get without touching, and he completely panicked. His heartbeat sped up and his brows furrowed, hands pressed onto the gravel tightly. He didn't know what he was expecting nor why he wasn't leaning back, but Seongje only retrieved his glasses from somewhere next to him, and was back in his place.

Hyuntak let out a slight exhale, feeling quite reassured, but also disappointed, that this was the purpose of his gesture.

Then, Seongje put the glasses back on and pointed towards his knee with a small nod.

"Does it hurt a lot?" He suddenly asked, voice low and almost cautious.

"What do you fucking think?" Hyuntak spat. He didn't want to sound so hostile, but there was nothing else he could think of saying.

Seongje sighed and stood up, extending his hand towards him. The other looked at him, confusion written all over his traits. "Yah, are you trying to piss me off?" He snapped, as Hyuntak finally took his hand and received the help he was offering.

Both of them had a lot of pride, and Hyuntak would've never guessed he could relent on his. Seongje supported his weight by wrapping his arm around his waist and walked towards the store, quiet and focused.

He noticed the warmth seeping out of Hyuntak's clothes, the thinness of his waist compared the width of his shoulders. He remembered this well, and it was easy to notice Hyuntak had worked on his body more. Something akin to pride bloomed in his chest.

Hyuntak surely learned all of that for him. Whether it was to impress or to beat him up, it was for him. Not for his girlfriend, not for his friends, but for the one guy he claimed he hated so much.

Seongje was okay with being hated as long as Hyuntak had him on his mind.

He was limping so he held onto Seongje tighter, as he took him somewhere behind the store. He noticed there were stairs leading towards an unknown door.

"Where are we going?" He asked, his brows knitted together.

"You'll see." Seongje answered calmly. He pushed the door open and led the guy inside.

It was in fact a small apartment. One bed, a desk with a PC and an ashtray on the side, along with a half-emptied box of cigarettes. He had a few posters on the walls that followed a grunge aesthetic, and Mangas in a box, of course.

There was a retro TV, a sofa and a tiny kitchen. A door led to what Hyuntak assumed was the bathroom. He took the time to look around while Seongje closed the door, and he finally noticed the kitty as she jumped out of Seongje's bed.

As soon as he saw her, he smiled, all of his negative feelings evaporating on the spot.

It came to rub itself against his leg, so he let out a little giggle. "So cute." He muttered, immediately looking up at Seongje when his hand lightly tapped his shoulder.

"Sit down." He told him, and Hyuntak only obliged.

Seongje walked inside the bathroom while he placed the cat on his lap and started petting it. "I still don't know your name." He said, knowing fully well the animal could not answer. "Would you tell me what it is?" She only purred in response.

When he came back, Hyuntak noticed he was holding a wet towel. "What?" He inquired, while the other tilted his chin up again.

Suddenly, he realized how he had let himself be dragged towards his place, when he could've just walked home. Yes, he was hurt, but he wasn't dying.

When it happened, he just didn't think of anything else to do. The way Seongje extended his hand and looked down at him like he cared— even if he had the conviction he didn't— he was too dizzy not to believe it.

Now again, he wiped the blood off of his nose and lips in such a tender manner Hyuntak hardly believed he was really himself. It was casual, though, there was nothing inhumane about what he was doing. It lacked logic, surely, because you don't fight someone only to stitch them up afterwards; but that was just Seongje.

He could do something that nonsensical, and it would be acceptable.

Hyuntak winced when he pressed onto his busted lip and his hand immediately retracted. The warm water brought some comfort, and the feeling of the other's palm on his cheek as well; he swore he could've momentarily felt Seongje rub his thumb on his cheekbone gently, but that might've been in his head.

Seongje gave him a thorough look before the let go of his face altogether.

"You weren't too bad." Seongje told him, walking to his desk to grab a cigarette that he lit up.

Hyuntak only observed him, the weight of his words settling on his shoulders like an anchor dragging him down. He tsked, shaking his head and choosing to stare at the kitty instead. She looked back at him with wide brown eyes, blinking slowly.

"Why are you even telling me that?" He exhaled, a feeling of helplessness engulfing him. "I don't get it."

"But you do, puppy." He chuckled, a cloud of smoke forming as he puffed it out by the window. "You liked it. You missed it."

"I'm not as fucked up as you." That came out harsh, almost defensive.

"You tell yourself that, but we both know the truth." He shrugged. "I don't care about being fucked up, it's better than being fucking boring."

Hyuntak's honesty had limits.

The weight that was dragging him down was only the simple realization that Seongje was right. Back in high school, he didn't fight Seongje out of pure rage.

He did hate the guy of course, but after everything was settled and a truce was established, the burning ache to beat up Seongje did not go away. If anything, it intensified.

Maybe it was the rebellious teenager hormones making him want to go against the rules and let bitter feelings take control, but he wasn't a teenager anymore, and he kept coming for more.

He could've gone home, and instead he was sitting on the comfortable sofa, speaking so openly to the person he swore he hated to death.

If Seongje was a hypocrite, what could he qualify as?

"At first I thought you became boring. Hell, I thought I became boring too." He looked outside and took in the empty street where they had been fighting a few moments ago. "We only needed to get down to business, I guess."

"This is pissing me off." Hyuntak grunted, "I hate you."

"I know." Seongje looked back at him with a snicker, as if he didn't believe him. "Now if it doesn't hurt anymore, get out of my place."

"With pleasure." He agreed, carefully making his way out.

"Don't fall down the stairs!"

"Fuck off!" Hyuntak shouted back, walking slower than he would've liked.

Seongje watched him through the window, partly amused. His body burned deliciously with pain, and even though his every movement made his muscles tense, he was glad. Glad that Hyuntak hadn't walked away from him.

The way he spun around and stared at him like there was nothing else in the world, the way his body heat up with anger and his fingers grabbed his collar— all of this was everything Seongje had missed. He knew himself very well, so he wasn't surprised by his initial reaction to seeing Hyuntak try to ignore him. What he didn't expect, though, was for the boy to bring something completely new out of him.

He couldn't shake the feeling of his weight on top of him, of his fists colliding with his face, and the way he let him. The way he didn't immediately bring him down, letting him have his fun while he enjoyed the show of how much he could rile him up.

Also, the way he prolonged the fight.

He waited until Hyuntak was steady enough to strike again, he avoided his knee, all of these things done subconsciously.

Go Hyuntak.

Why did he hold so much power over him? How could he simply come back into his life and scatter things around like only he knew their right order? It was as thrilling as it was unnerving.

Seongje threw the cigarette butt when he was done, letting out a heavy sigh. Yeoje, his kitten, was still resting on the spot Hyuntak had occupied minutes ago. She wasn't a friendly cat, she wasn't even as present and still before Hyuntak came along, being more of an explorer. Seongje guessed they were just very similar, because that's what he had been doing too.

He didn't always have those morning smoke breaks everyday until he realized Hyuntak took this path, and he wouldn't have lost his time teasing him if he wasn't Go Hyuntak.

What was happening to him?

He walked over to the bed and fell down face first, "Ah, I'm so fucked.."

Hyuntak was pulled out of the comfort of his slumber by loud knocks at the door. He sat up in a hurry, eyes barely open while he tried to take in his surroundings. Who dared to wake him up so early?

He stumbled towards the living room, straightening his clothes on the way. When he finally reached the door and opened it, he realized it could've been none other than Baku. He closed it quickly, realizing the situation he was in as his heart started hammering in his chest.

"Gogo? What's going on? Open the door, I brought chicken." He asked confusedly.

Last night, he saw his face before going to bed, and he looked exactly like what he expected. His face was bruised and his knuckles too, he couldn't let Baku see him like this. He would get so worried, and then Hyuntak would have to explain to him what happened and having to deal with his anger.

He tried thinking of a solution, but his mind was so foggy.

"Gogo?" Baku insisted.

"Yeah.. just a minute!" He answered, looking around the apartment as if the solution was hiding in a corner.

Suddenly, the other let out a gasp and knocked again. "You better not have a naked lady in there!"

"Are you crazy?! Why would I do that?"

"Then what is it? Drugs?!"

The confusion was enough to break through his defense, so Baku just shoved himself inside, as if he would find something crazier than drugs and a naked lady. His face relaxed as he analyzed the room, but it didn't last.

"What happened to your face!?" He shouted, immediately stepping fully in and closing the door.

He cradled his best friend's face tenderly, eyes wide open. "Who did this!? Was it Sunhee?"

Hyuntak let out a laugh at such stupidity, The girl wouldn't hurt a fly, she hated violence— besides she liked how handsome he was, so she would never go for his face. Perhaps.

The real struggle began there, because there was no one else that could've done this to him but Seongje. It felt strange to say it like this, because Hyuntak pretty much indulged and enjoyed. Baku, however, should never know that. So, the problem rested in why was he supposed to tell him.

"I.. was walking Sunhee to the bus station yesterday," he said, putting in the little truth he could. "And as I was uh, walking back home, three dudes came and tried to mess with me. I didn't let them, so we fought."

Baku's face didn't really move. "Gogo, I'm not that stupid."

They stared at the other's face, and Hyuntak's brain cells worked relentlessly to find something to say. Should he walk with the lie towards the end, or simply tell his best friend to mind his business? None of these answers would work, especially since Baku knew him so well.

He let out a grunt and sighed, rolling his eyes. Everything that was happening to him lately, he didn't deserve this. He knew that, and still, they kept coming.

"Okay, so... Don't get mad, alright?" Hyuntak started, putting some distance between the two.

Baku looked even more worried. "Oh, now I know I'm gonna get mad."

"Just shut up, okay?" He inhaled deeply. "I fought with Seongje."

Hyuntak watched as the other frowned, eyes squinting confusedly. "What? Seongje?"

"He works down the street. I found out a few weeks ago, but I didn't tell you because... Ah, I don't know. It didn't matter." He explained. "We fought yesterday but I'm okay, it wasn't that bad."

"Gogo, are you kidding me? Is he messing with you?" Baku stood back up with determination. "Let's go, I'll break his fucking arms."

He was already fuming, and even though Hyuntak felt glad to see his friend care so much about him, he didn't need his help.

There was a way to explain everything, yet it would cost him too much.

"Baku, sit down." He sighed, leaning back against the sofa. "I don't even know where to start."

Baku visibly calmed down, but his face was still tense. Where Hyuntak could struggle with cooldowns, Baku knew when to shut up and listen— sometimes, when the conversation was serious. This was a great advantage, because they could balance each other and even out complicated situations, like this one, and all the others they went through ever since they were kids.

"He's actually... Not that bad." Hyuntak started, just as surprised with his admission as Baku was right after hearing him. His eyes widened, but he let him speak. "I know it sounds weird when I look like this, but really.. he's not that bad."

A heavy silence settled in the room like an elephant that none of them wanted to address, so Hyuntak took the time to gather his thoughts.

"He's just a little messed up, you know. I feel like he relates to me on that matter— kind of. I'm not saying I like him, but we didn't fight with ill intentions." Hyuntak managed, hoping it made sense. He looked back at his friend, expecting understanding.

"I really want to believe you, but you don't hurt someone this badly with no ill intentions." Baku shrugged.

"I'm fine, he helped me afterwards." He wished he had shut up, because Baku looked at him like a fucking madman. "I mean, whatever. Just... Don't worry about it. If I couldn't handle it, I'd tell you."

"You wouldn't! You never tell me about stuff like that." Baku whined. His friend's biggest flaw resided in his stubbornness; He not only dealt with everything on his own because he believed he was just that capable, but also because he found the steps of explaining a situation and asking for help to be embarrassing. That being said, he avoided it as much as he could and Baku would allow it, which fit this moment. "But I'll let it go this time..."

Hyuntak felt at ease with this answer, he relaxed on the sofa and Baku placed the food he brought on the coffee table.

He never thought that his life would include a moment as such, having to explain to Baku what he had going on with Seongje. It was obvious that said friend knew and had been knowing for a while, and simply couldn't integrate it. He hated Seongje, but maybe hate was a strong word after all.

If there was one thing Seongje liked about the neighborhood, it was its quietness. It could seem contradictory to his character and his adrenaline driven mindset, but he enjoyed quiet evenings like these too.

There wasn't much to see around, no unexpected sounds or sights, just a tranquil and bland stillness. It numbed his spirit to some extent, allowing him not to think of anything else and just exist and merge within the scenery.

However, like a cat being startled, his attention darted away from whatever he was doing when he heard a familiar voice. A laugh. Soft and genuine and so characteristically Go Hyuntak's.

The young man was walking down the street, hands in his pockets while he received the sun on his skin like a kiss full of yearning, Seongje was almost jealous for some reason.

Before he could step up to make himself noticeable, he quickly realized his playmate wasn't alone. His smirk disappeared in a second, replaced by an annoyed frown he had no will of hiding.

He remembered Baku. Couldn't have forgotten the wall that stood between him and Hyuntak so many times in the past. It didn't occur to him he was inclined to feel so bothered by his presence, since he didn't care about him as much as the events that made them collide would've suggested.

Baku wrapped his arm around Hyuntak's shoulders, and ugliness bloomed in his throat.

He wanted now more than ever to go back to work, but his eyes held so tightly onto the pair as they walked into the distance. If Hyuntak came back into his life, it only followed basic logic for all of his friends to make an appearance. Still, how bothersome that was.

He only ever craved Hyuntak's attention.

Luckily, said boy came back around. Seongje noticed how he paused in the middle of the road before carefully stepping inside the store, and even though he only spares him a mere glance, Seongje could sense they were in similar states of mind.

The shop was practically empty since it was getting late, but Hyuntak moved through the aisles like it was packed, as tense as a thief being caught red-handed.

He got to the cashier with a pack of beers and soju, and Seongje scanned the items. Both of them were probably waiting for the other to speak, or at least that was the rampant thought in the back of his mind. He glanced at the other's face and he still presented quite a violent mess. Seongje didn't have the habit to feel guilty, and he knew he should be to some parts extent. He couldn't stop a smile from forming on his face, because there was pride instead.

"What?" Hyuntak's immediately fell in the pit of botheration.

"You look fucked up."

"You're not any better." He countered, reaching for the wallet in the back pocket of his jeans.

"How do you feel knowing you did that to me?" The cashier leaned closer, interest climbing up his spine.

Hyuntak paused, seriousness itching everywhere on his face. "Do I look like I get off to beating people?"

"That's the thing, I'm not just people to you, puppy." He took pride in his own confidence, the way Hyuntak's attitude validated it. Behind the stern gaze, there was reassurance since his shoulders seemed to drop in leisure.

Seongje tsked playfully, walking around the counter to face him, almost pining him to the surface.

Even though he swallowed a quiet gasp he only leaned back against the counter, looking up at Seongje with almost the same expectancy one would present when waiting for a kiss. Then, Seongje considered it.

The wound on his lip had dried, but he knew a sheer pressure of his teeth would be enough to reopen it, he knew the taste of blood from their last fight would linger on the walls of his buccal cavity.

He caught himself before the idea could travel down his limbs, and retrieved a tube from his sweater.

Hyuntak glanced at it and frowned some more, probably preparing himself to get away from him, but Seongje settled his hand on his cheek, thumb brushing the tip of his ear while he held him still.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He mumbled with no real bite to him.

"Stay still." Seongje answered in a just-as-quiet voice. "Can't even take care of yourself."

He applied some of the cream on his progressively reddened cheekbones, where some scars were starting to form. It was cold on the other's skin, and the shiver than followed didn't go unnoticed by the two of them. Hyuntak seemed severely embarrassed, face growing impossibly hotter; not only was his established nemesis touching him with such care it was truly inevitable to capsize, but he wasn't doing anything to put an end to the moment.

Seongje wasn't rapid with it either, taking his time to almost map the entirety of his hurt skin, before he got to his lips, adorned with the signature cute pout.

The gentle pressure, the focused look behind his glasses, the immeasurable tingly heat he felt all over— it all merged in an implosion, and Hyuntak's reflexes kicked in before he could stop them.

He suddenly landed a powerful knee-kick to his ribcage, which was enough to make him step away, holding his stomach in pure shock. He hadn't expected this at all, but when he looked back in the spot Hyuntak had been in, it was empty. The guy had simply run away.

He looked at the door, and let out a little chuckle. Go Hyuntak was as fun as ever.

Seongje had a feeling he should've ran after him, but a misplaced piece of thought popped up in his head. Why had he done this?

Why had he bought this cream when he didn't even use it on himself? Thus, more importantly, why had he done whatever that had happened in this very moment?

He sighed, stepping out for a cigarette.

Hyuntak had always been a magnet to him. He ached to get closer and reach for him, even if he often manifested it through punches. He simply knew nothing about this feeling, how to deal with it, how to turn it into something pleasing and palatable.

Seongje went with the flow; he let his body go down the stream of the river that were his feelings. There could be rocks on the way, but they only made the ride funnier and unpredictable.

That never bothered him, it was all logical.

However, not so much anymore when his eyes drifted to the other's lips every time. Some sort of invisible string was pulling him closer than necessary, closer than he had ever allowed himself before, and he couldn't map out a refusal.

The thoughts followed him to bed that night, and when he found himself under the sun of a random day his eyes fell on Hyuntak as if he had been looking for him

The boy played with Yeoje like she belonged to him, and she acted like there was nowhere else she'd love to be more.

"Puppy." He called simply, throwing his cigarette to the hot and dry gravel, the last cloud of smoke making his way out of his lungs.

"Stop fucking calling me that." Hyuntak spat, but he still looked up at him. He just couldn't help himself, and that fact brought a smirk to his face.

"Come play with me, I'm bored." He sighed, kicking the other's shoe to emphasize the urgency. Hyuntak stood up and rolled his eyes, yet he still nodded. "You should be a good boy more often. It suits you."

"And you should shut your ass up but here we are."

Seongje didn't really comprehend how they got to his apartment so quickly, he looked around him with a slight frown of confusion, holding a gaming console in his hands. They were playing a fighting game together, but he didn't really care about what it was. Flashy outfits on diverse characters that threw punches at each other— wasn't something he would usually play, but it seemed interesting enough since Hyuntak was enjoying himself.

"If I win this match, there's something you've really gotta let me do." He suddenly stated, not even looking at his peer.

The other was just as focused on the screen as he was, but the adorable frown appeared on his forehead, and he shifted on his seat slightly. "Like what?"

"You'll see."

"I didn't agree." Hyuntak pouted, visibly putting more energy and focus on the game, doing everything he could not to lose. "But it doesn't matter cause I'm not gonna lose."

"Bet." Seongje did not need to try as hard, because everything felt right. The sun was hitting the room through the window from the perfect angle, at the perfect intensity, bathing both of them along the furniture in a golden hue. It felt quite dreamy.

A sound of victory emerged from the TV, and he didn't need to turn to acknowledge how pissed off Hyuntak might've been. He let out a little grunt, rotating his body on the couch to face Seongje.

And God, was it a sight to behold.

The sun fell on his skin like gentle strokes of honey, making his brown eyes shimmer with something more than tempting. His position allowed his shorts to ride higher, exposing the expanse of his smooth and muscular thighs, almost leaving nothing to the imagination— And God knew just how much was Seongje imagining.

His face was as reddened as it was earlier in the store, even more vibrant under the perfect lighting. So, his lips parted, slightly, as if to tease the other when he was clearly on the verge of collapsing.

"You won. What did you want to do?" He spoke up, leaning against the back of the Sofa in a languid but lewd picture.

"You know it, puppy." He could only muster, suddenly unable to move a muscle.

Hyuntak nodded, as if they had agreed through the string that pulled them closer and closer that violence wouldn't be the reason today. That whatever they were pausing time for would be so unique and drastically so different than what they usually had. Hyuntak straddled his hips, settling on his lap while his hands joined his broad shoulders with hesitation. His breath fluttered slightly, and he bit on his lower lip— such gestures almost forcing Seongje to cooperate and drag his rough palms all over his thighs, squeezing the soft flesh before he reached his hips, waist, and finally, the plump curve of his ass.

"You're doing way more." Hyuntak commented, shifting a bit since the touches visibly left him simmering in warmth.

"And you don't like that?" Seongje squeezed again, bringing their most sensitive areas flush against each other. The gesture sent a shiver down his spine, hips bucking upwards instinctively.

"I didn't— I didn't say that." He managed, interrupted by a breathy gasp. "You just wanted to do something else, right?"

"Puppy, you're so clever." He praised, leaning up to finally capture the other's lips with his own.

He didn't get to taste how it would actually feel, the sensations suddenly growing distant, as if he was grasping at smoke.

He grunted in frustration, the familiar warmth in his lower body spreading and yet nothing felt real anymore. It spiked and settled like a disorganized mist— he was being held up with a thread and when it brutally ruptured, disappointment brought him back down.

He opened his eyes, feeling weirdly warm and sticky as a thin layer of sweat coated his skin. Tingles ran up and down his legs, almost shaken up by whatever the fuck had just happened. "What the hell.." He tsked, pulling the sheets off of his body.

His vision was bleary, but he wasn't blind either. Seongje looked down at himself, gaze zeroing on the wet patch that had formed on his grey underwear. Immediately, he was pulled between confusion and shame, his head falling backwards on the pillows.

He just orgasmed from a wet dream about Go Hyuntak, in which he didn't even fuck him. Just a kiss had been enough— what kind of bastard orgasmed to kissing?

Seongje dragged his hands along his face, and paused right there.

The night was cold, his underwear was full of cum and he was sweating, so he contemplated. There was no other option to save his honor, he had to face it one way or another.

Seongje remembered going to bed thinking about him, and more specifically about the strange fixation he was having on his lips. He way he seemed to now crave closeness— just as before, but for an entirely different reason.

Now, his body has never reached such levels of insanity for anyone else. Hyuntak brought many things out of him, but this was new.

Through the shame that was now obscuring his thoughts, stray words made their ways together, into a sentence much heavier than any other feelings ever was.

Oh. Oh.

Seongje was fucking whipped.

The shame didn't immediately go away. In fact, it stuck with him through the next day, the one that came afterwards, and so on. He saw Hyuntak's silhouette in his peripheral vision and didn't turn, physically held back by an unknown force; Seongje was a firm believer he couldn't be moved by such futile things— because he never cared at all— so this newfound, twisted and stupid kind of infatuation wasn't something he could take pride in.

Perhaps this was the reason why he couldn't find it in himself to face Hyuntak.

As the embarrassment and the lust didn't relent— well of course he was smart enough to name his own feelings, thank you very much— he kept on avoiding Hyuntak like a shy teenage boy, yet it soon felt like it was reciprocal.

That quick glance Hyuntak gave the store as he walked past it was gone, and he didn't stop on Fridays to get some alcohol either. Seongje could believe all he wanted that he was the one putting the distance between them, which would've been fine— but the fact Hyuntak thought he was in the right to do the same baffled him. He wasn't the one getting random boners thinking about kissing him until they both were out of breath; he wasn't the one straight up coming untouched from the mere thought of grasping at his vulnerable spots with something more primal than violence.

Who exactly did he think he was.

Seongje would not be acting on it, at least that was his first idea. However, the whole thing crumbled when he perceived a young woman with light and short brown hair entering the convenience store. She was tall, almost as tall as him, and wore glasses.

He frowned a little, recognizing the face from a multitude of pictures related to Go Hyuntak in his memory.

His girlfriend.

Something bitter wrapped around his chest in a deathly grip, his mood had totally shifted to a dark place, and he didn't even feel the need to fix it. She grabbed a few things, mostly snacks, while Seongje glared at like she had just kidnapped Yeoje.

She walked lazily around the shop, before suddenly pausing.

"Excuse me, do you have those in another flavor?" She asked him from the ramyeon section.

"Do you see another flavor there?" He spoke through a sigh, uselessly exasperated.

The woman looked at the flavors in front of her once more, frowning in confusion and then looked at him and shook her head.

"Then why are you asking?"

Well, maybe he was being unnecessarily rude. He didn't know her, had only seen her from afar, sometimes holding onto his playmate's arm and sometimes keeping a weird friendly distance between them as they walked to the bus station. He knew the sound of Hyuntak's laugh when he was around her, as well as the pretty crease of his dimples and the glimmer in his irises. These were enough for him to harbour a grudge against the girl.

"Damn, no need to be rude." She tsked and rolled her eyes, walking towards him with the items.

The rest of the interaction was deadly quiet, and she left like nothing but a casual customer— which she was— while Seongje stared at her.

"I need a fucking break." He muttered as he stepped out for a smoke.

The night was cold and almost dreamy under the flickering orange hue of the street light. A cloudless dark sky, adorned with stars, like the freckles Seongje was sure to find on Hyuntak's back. Then, as if the spirits of midnight had read his mind, the young man appeared.

He looked quite hurried, glancing around and purposely ignoring Seongje as he got inside of the store. He looked around once or twice, and stepped back out, visibly unsatisfied.

"She left like twenty minutes ago." Seongje spoke calmly.

He felt so dumb for breaking their subconsciously agreed upon no contact streak, but seeing the way Hyuntak's doe eyes rounded in surprise made up for it.

"Ah." He shook his head and immediately looked down, but he didn't immediately leave. He glanced at Seongje with guilt behind his eyelashes, twice or so, and then bit on his lower lip. "You know.. I'm sorry for punching you last time."

"No shits." A cloud of some carried his pretentious words away.

"Yeah.. I don't know why I did that." He looked down again.

His demeanor wasn't as charged with ego as usual, Seongje didn't want it to be the case, but he assumed this wasn't a good night for him. Something about the string of events pissed him off, they fit each other so perfectly. First, his girlfriend left so fast, stopping there to buy random snacks— where she had never even landed a glance— and then him coming out as if she had just stolen something precious from him, stripping him from his signature temper.

"I mean, you were getting too close— like you were gonna kiss me or something. That was just a reflex." Hyuntak continued, and Seongje's eyebrow rose as he wondered if the guy was drunk.

"That's how you react when someone tries to kiss you?" He was on the verge of clowning him, but something was holding him back.

"It's different." Hyuntak shrugged. "You're not just someone."

He probably lifted his gaze to check his reaction, but probably wasn't expecting to lock eyes with him. He was definitely a little tipsy, since his tongue was so loose, but Seongje didn't mind.

He dusted the ash off of his cigarette and almost felt like he'd had enough. Just being there, having Hyuntak's undivided attention while he told him that he wasn't just somebody in his life, that he actually had a very specific spot. It wasn't much, yet Seongje wasn't reaching either. Hyuntak had just said it.

"But also... I have a girlfriend. I shouldn't just let people get close like that."

Seongje felt like he should've planted his fist in the other's face right then and there to prevent him from whatever bullshit had just spilled out of his lips. The bitterness from earlier, which had never really left, only intensified.

"Not that I'm an expert, but it's very obvious she doesn't like you." He spat out plainly.

Hyuntak frowned, hands digging inside of the pockets of his jeans. He suddenly felt how cold it was, a gust of wind reminding him he wasn't dressed enough to stand outside like a damn lamp pole.

"What?" He asked, voice a little soft.

"I'm not paid enough to repeat obvious shit."

"You're such a fucking asshole."

"I mean, yeah. What else?" A short pause followed his sentence, during which the other seemed to wither on the edge of his own feelings.

"Your loser ass is always trying to make everyone around miserable, but I... I was stupid enough to believe you weren't that bad." The laugh that left his chest was nothing like the one he gave to his girlfriend; it was bitter, tired and almost sad. "Can't even read a fucking room, I'm so tired of your bullshit."

He suddenly walked away, and Seongje reached for his collar, spinning him around to pin him against the wall quite roughly, with one hand. He threw the cigarette butt to the ground with the other and exhaled the last cloud of smoke right in front of Hyuntak's face.

Immediately, the man let out a quiet cough, dissolving the petty frown of his face.

Seongje, for the first time in barely a week, let his complete focus fall on the other. There was no shame, it was gone, it left his body along with the grey mist. So Hyuntak was there, barely pliant as he gripped his wrist with the intention to yank him off of him, but no strength to follow.

What pissed him off so badly in his corny speech that made him hold the poor guy hostage? Especially when he was well in the right to be angry and bark those words he believed were the best shot he had to make Seongje feel as hurt as him. The tactic was so well thought that it looked almost rehearsed, so instead of rebuking him, it nudged him closer. Like a bee to the first blooming spring flower.

"Get off of me, I’m not entertaining this shit today."

"Watching you struggle like this, it's almost cute." Seongje smirked, yanking the boy harder against the wall, which pulled a low gasp out of him. "Because I know you could get out of there and walk away, and yet you're not even pretending."

"Seongje, I will—"

"Talking about how I'm fucked up, how I'm making others miserable. Well, you're right, but why are you always coming back for more, puppy? Let's talk about that."

He relished in the way he momentarily looked away, finally held at gunpoint for the thing he had been denying all along. Watching him squirm in shame, through the realization that they were just as bad as the other, was better than any other drug could've felt.

"The truth, puppy, is that you love it. Probably more than I do." He punctuated some words with a condescending nod. How amazing was it to watch him cave in, to come to terms with the fact that he wasn't the helpless one in their dynamic.

Hyuntak could pretend all he wanted, avoid him just because of a minor inconvenience, pretend he could return to normal after having him back into his life, but Seongje wouldn't let him get away with that anymore.

His words were slyly making their way into the other's mind, and it took him everything not to actually put strength and push him away. All of his feelings which so easily burned to life in his limbs to make him want to hit the other died down. He was guilty of every accusation, and he simply had no energy left to argue or pretend Seongje wouldn't know anything about him.

"Even if you're right, I still got there on my own. I've got people in my life. Nothing ended without you." Hyuntak muttered, sentence bordering on gaslighting himself.

"Oh, like your girlfriend that left without telling you?" He chuckled, openly mocking the other, knowing he was rubbing right where it hurt.

"You don't know a damn thing."

Seongje only shook his head, satisfied. Satisfied with his change of tone, his posture and most importantly how he looked up at him through his lashes, as if he was begging without really meaning to. Staring at those beautiful brown orbs just did it for him, and he silently let go of the other's collar, setting a microscopic distance between them.

"I know enough." Seongje smirked, tapping his cheek lightly, just teasing him some more.

Hyuntak, even if he was angry, didn't flinch nor tense up. It was on the verge of becoming pathetic, yet how more pathetic could this interaction become for him if he didn't just let go?

He walked away, making sure to bump the other's shoulder on the way as he ignored the annoying laugh he let out. Seongje always had too much fun with this, and Hyuntak? Barely. He knew that for his own good he would have to stop entertaining him, but there was an odd pleasure about it that got him addicted.

As obvious as it could sound, Hyuntak had no idea what it was.

He knew— or at least was starting to realize— that his girlfriend didn't really like him. She probably did at first, but it's not like he was easy to love, perhaps she had lost her love on the way and could she really be blamed when he was so distant.

It wasn't even about the distance. Overall, he wasn't as communicative as he thought he would be. He let her set the pace, thinking it was for the greater good, but got stuck in a place that appeared nothing like the relationship he imagined. They were both at fault or maybe he truly was the problem, and needed to split the blame to feel better.

If even Seongje, being who he was could notice something like this, then how would he be able to pretend everything was fine again?

In the end, he didn't even need to make the first step, because Sunhee had called him a few days later to break up with him.

Hyuntak would lie if he said he remembered the details. It happened just like a fever dream, he wasn't even fully awake when she called, but there was something decisive filling the air that was too sharp to breathe in.

"Tak-ie, let's break up." She said simply, voice steady and all calm, almost like it was an obvious conclusion.

"What? What do you mean?"

"You heard me... We can't go on like this." She added and sighed. "I know you tend to.. hold onto things that you don't always need, but It took me a while to realize we just don't fit each other."

"Sunhee, wait— you can't just say something like this." He immediately sat up on his bed, knocking the sleepiness out of him. "And on the phone?"

"I'm sorry but it's easier for me this way."

"Come on.." he whispered almost pleadingly. She would break up with him and just confirm everything Seongje had so easily guessed. Everything Hyuntak feared.

"I'm really sorry, don't be too hard on yourself either. I know I wasn't the best girlfriend, we just... weren't meant to be."

Meant to be.

That crappy lie everyone was trying to push down his throat, even though he gagged every single time. This narrative in which you were meant to be with someone, to meet them on a random Friday, sometimes after a long time of absence— and that would be enough. Feelings would blossom like spring flowers on the side of the road, the weather would become sweet and forgiving, and the world would just turn into the most beautiful place to be in. Or something like this.

There was finality in it too.

That was all, you wouldn't have a choice. You wouldn't be able to change options, you wouldn't even want to. If this person that was meant for you brought chaos instead of peace and distress instead of calm, you would have to take it. To own it.

Hyuntak hated everything about the succession of events.

As he found himself going out drinking with Sieun, Juntae and Baku— which should've been a moment of elation since they barely had nights like these— he chose to momentarily forget about everything else. He downed shot after shot, letting every little joke send him into laughter.

He drank until every sound around him became a quiet hum in the background, until the ground started spinning under his feet every time he stood up.

He then eventually had to go home, and the more he walked holding Baku's shoulder, the more he sobered up.

"Gogo, you drank so much. Should I be worried?" Baku spoke, just less drunk than himself.

"Yeah, feel like I'm 'bout to throw up." Hyuntak mumbled, but he didn't stop walking forward.

They stilled at a bus stop, "Don't you dare puke on me." Baku yelled, even though he didn't push the other away.

Hyuntak nodded, swallowing down the lump in his throat as it weighed him down. He felt so heavy with burdens he didn't wish to name, and they made it harder and harder to stand and walk straight for more than a few meters.

He was downright pathetic, waiting for his bus with half lidded eyes and a deathly grip on his best friend's shirt, enjoying the momentary comfort of his closure.

He hadn't told Baku about the breakup. Hell, he had no intention of speaking about it that night. He just wanted quiet for once, thought he deserved it, especially after everything that unwrapped itself over the past weeks.

Baku was playing with his hair absentmindedly, and was surely on the verge of saying something when the bus came. Hyuntak didn't speak either as he left, waving goodbye to his friend with a lazy smile that faltered as soon as he was out of sight.

Then he was home.

He faced the door of his apartment and patted his back pocket, brows furrowing when he could only feel his phone. It was out, anyways, so it wouldn't be useful at all.

He checked his other pockets, and they were all empty, except for his dark brown wallet. His keys were absent, and he was locked outside.

He remembered handing them to Baku in the restaurant earlier, when he started getting drunk, and a heavy exhale fell off of his lips. His breaking point came faster than expected, and it washed over him like a heat wave, leaving him much too aware of his surroundings. The feeling of the wooden door hit his forehead, and then his back as he turned around and slid down to the floor, the hardness of the cold ground, the unforgiving weight of gravity just about to bury him into the soil if he waited long enough.

He didn't start crying immediately, but it came.

All of these events tied hip to hip, coming one after the other, were finally catching up to him. He wished he had someone to blame, it would probably alleviate some of the burden soup he was now force-fed. However, there was nobody but him.

He was the one that didn't walk away when Seongje appeared like he was coming out of a whack-a-mole machine. Even when the opposite path cleared, he subconsciously dismissed the information, and for what? Because of milliseconds during which he would have his attention, all the while ignoring the quickly eroding relationship he was so adamant on keeping.

Being with someone, in a relationship, it was a college requirement— wasn't it?

That was something he was expected to keep up with, and it brought him a sense of stability.

No matter how much he wanted it to be the case, all of these failures were his fault, not Seongje's. Hell, he even predicted that Sunhee would break up with him— even absent, he was still being an annoying piece of shit to remind him how much he lacked.

The tears had time to dry on his cheeks before he grew cold and realized he couldn't possibly sleep there. At this time, the owner of the building wouldn't be available, and Hyuntak's phone was dead anyways.

His feet brought him to the only place he could remember, the only place he even had a chance of getting in without too much trouble.

The lights were dim but still on through the curtained windows, so he knocked on the door twice, and Seongje opened.

He was standing there, tall and a little slouched over himself, a loose black t-shirt and baggy sweatpants. His hair was messy but not that far from the usual disheveled look, but his face was laced with confusion along with something more.

Almost remorseful.

Well, Hyuntak wouldn't lie and say he looked fine, and it was almost three in the morning. He would completely understand it if Seongje told him to fuck off.

"Did you cry or something?" Seongje inquired, yet there was nothing teasing about his tone. He sounded oddly serious.

"No." Hyuntak lied, wiping his nose. A shiver ran through him, and rightfully so, he was freezing. "I forgot my keys; I need a place to crash for tonight."

"And I'm just supposed to let you in?" Seongje then chuckled, "You're not even gonna say please?"

Hyuntak rolled his eyes, and looked down at the empty street. "I can beat you up if you want."

"Don't threaten me with a good time."

Hyuntak grimaced at the sight of his canines exposed by a prickly smirk. Then he shivered again, and Seongje immediately noticed, quietly stepping aside to let him in. He watched him immediately crouch next to Yeoje, she had grown in the meantime, and was even cuter now.

Hyuntak was standing in his apartment, at three, visibly tipsy and flushed. He had cried too for some reason. He didn't know how to feel about that.

He closed the door and went back to his computer.

"Sleep on the couch if you want." He pointed towards a closet next to the bed. "Take a blanket there."

Hyuntak slowly glanced up at him, "That's not how you treat a guest."

"You literally invited yourself into my house, don't talk to me about that shit."

Hyuntak pouted slightly and complied, retrieving a grey blanket from the closet that he settled on the couch. It was too small to expand his long legs, but he wasn't in a place to complain. The fabric had a signature scent that was a mix of Seongje and soap, there was something comforting about it. Kind of.

Seongje looked at him with a certain intensity, but Hyuntak wasn't any better. There was something tense in the air, something weird about this whole interaction. "You probably wanna use the bathroom."

"Yeah, that'd be nice."

Seongje sighed, opening the closet again to grab a t-shirt a pair of baggy shorts. They were almost the same size so it wouldn't be that bad, except he would have to bear seeing Hyuntak in his apartment, sleeping on his couch, wearing his clothes. This was much too close to the repeated lewd dreams he had about the guy. The poor guy. He had no idea what he was doing to Seongje.

But Seongje wasn't a fucking moron, he could hold his shit together for one night.

Hyuntak got a towel and got into the bathroom.

Fuck, now he would smell like Seongje too.

The sound of the running water did nothing to alleviate his worries, but there was something more important at stake. Hyuntak came in with reddened eyes and a flushed face, which meant he had been crying, out in the cold. Such things were a rare occurrence, he had never witnessed him in this state.

Curiosity burned and gnawed at his insides, he had an intuition about the thing that could've left his playmate in this state, and he couldn't stand it.

He couldn't stomach how the prospect of Hyuntak being hurt as much as he couldn't stomach his reaction to the whole situation. However, he had made peace with his feelings for him a while ago, and they were maybe unfortunate— but not unwanted nor able to be chased away.

Then, he walked out, hair still a little wet. He looked even better than he did a few minutes ago. Hurt Hyuntak moved him uncomfortably, but the protectiveness that surged inside of him didn't exclude arousal.

He still had a small pout on his lips, staring at Seongje with round eyes.

"You just waited there?" He asked softly, to what Seongje had no answer. He didn't even realize he did.

Hyuntak was a little surprised at how clean the place stood. Seongje wasn't a filthy dog on a literal aspect, apparently. He slowly moved towards his desk, focusing back on some kind of game.

Hyuntak then remembered about his dead phone.

"Wait, can I borrow a charger?"

Seongje groaned, probably annoyed that he was brought out of focus. "There is a charger over there."

His annoying tone was getting to Hyuntak through some kind of osmosis, and soon he was feeling petty too. He charged his phone and went back to the couch, looking over his shoulder to get a glimpse of what Seongje was doing. Unfortunately for both of them, their eyes met and immediately untied in shame.

They were eyeing each other, filled to the brim with questions, and yet too hesitant to actually speak. It was maddening to both souls.

Hyuntak then decided to lie down, and the light present in the room dimmed again. Seongje walked over to him and he quickly retrieved his legs so the man could sit down.

He seemed to contemplate what he would say, knee bumping up and down with nervousness.

"You were crying. Why?" He finally asked, eyes squinting behind his glasses.

"Ah, just mind your business." Hyuntak quickly countered, the previous heaviness coming back strong to sit low in his gut. "Everybody cries."

"I've never seen you cry, though." Seongje tsked. "If you tell me, I'll tell you something you want to know."

Irresistible bargaining. It almost won him over, but he could hold on. He could resist. "Seongje-yah, just go to bed."

His tipsiness probably was the cause of the affectionate suffix, since he looked away and willfully ignored the way Seongje's eyes darkened. Surely he knew what he was doing, he couldn't say this in such a sweet voice and expect the other to back off. Seongje was a professional tease when it came to him, but he didn't immediately resort to it. His mind didn't pick it immediately like it would usually do.

Instead, he reached under the blanket, wrapping his hand around Hyuntak's ankle and tugging lightly. The other's reaction was to be expected, he let out a quiet yelp and looked back up at Seongje, bewildered.

"I'll tell you two things."

"I don't care about you that much." Hyuntak downright lied, tried to shimmy himself out of his grip and failed miserably. "Come on, let go, I'm tired."

"I'll let go if you tell me." He added, reaching for his second ankle.

"Yah! What are you, five?" Hyuntak jolted again, the blanket riding up to expose his legs to the cold. "Okay, okay. Stop, I'll tell you."

Seongje didn't immediately stop, Hyuntak actually had to kick him to make it happen. He sat on the very other side of the couch, eyeing the other sharply.

"Why do you even care?" He rattled.

"I asked first."

That annoying bastard.

Hyuntak sighed, it's not like he had anything to lose at this point. "Sunhee broke up with me." It was the first time he confessed this to someone after it happened. "I was drinking to try and feel good, somehow, but I forgot my keys and I don't know.." he shrugged in defeat. "I guess I just broke down."

Seongje's stare was intense, face limp and somewhat severe, "That happens."

"That.. no, that doesn't just 'happen'... I could've avoided all of it if I was just..." He made a vague gesture with his hands hastily. ".. I don't know. Cheer if you want to. I don't even care anymore."

"I mean it's life, you know. If you broke up it means you weren't meant to be, that's how it is." Seongje shrugged, ignoring the upcoming urge to shift closer to the other. That would've probably been frightening, he was never the type, and Hyuntak would run away, thinking it was another kissing attempt. Seongje was just not enough of a shithead to forcefully kiss him. "Why did you two break up anyways?"

Because really, Hyuntak was a catch. He only recently realized how obsessive he had been acting with him ever since they were in high school, so it couldn't be a unique experience.

The man looked more embarrassed than ever, he sighed and looked away as if Seongje was not the man of the situation, like he just wouldn't understand, and he obviously frowned at that. He could very much be empathetic. Sometimes. Rarely.

But it happened.

"It's stupid." Hyuntak concluded, and the other slid his tongue across the inside of his cheeks to hold himself back from saying something he shouldn't. "We had no chemistry."

"I've seen people stay together for less."

Hyuntak glared at him, and he shrugged. He was doing nothing but telling the unavoidable truth, was he to blame if the brunette couldn't handle it?

"I just.. I mean, maybe it started when it was awkward to kiss each other?"

Hyuntak witnessed in real time the way surprise creeped upon his face, and quickly turned into his lips disappearing in a thin line as he tried his best not to laugh.

The urge to punch his face restlessly became more and more poignant, but Hyuntak held his fist back. Wasn't he supposed to be a guest? Unwelcomed, at that, so he owed courtesy to manifest kindness towards his host.

"Go ahead, laugh, you dickhead." He threatened more than anything else, but Seongje did in fact laugh.

What was so funny about this?

"I'm not.. laughing at you, I promise. It's just cute. Are you guys teenagers?" He shook his head, tried to compose himself, and failed beautifully. "Who was awkward, exactly?"

"Does it matter?" Hyuntak quickly intervened, his posture straightening in the process.

"A lot, actually. Cause then it means there's something to find out." He chuckled, squinting at the other with suspicion and a playful gleam. "I'm guessing it was you."

Seongje might've been projecting on Sunhee there. However, it became such an easy thing to do when she was as tall as him, wore glasses in the exact shape he had, and had short brown hair, too, in a similar style. He could picture her being cocky from their millisecond-long interaction in the store, so he was putting himself in her shoes.

The whole pattern was something to talk about with Hyuntak, it jumped around on his mind like a joker to pull out and make him crumble with embarrassment.

Every time Seongje remembered he liked Hyuntak, there came the realization that the guy liked him even more. So much so that he had found himself a copy of his swag in a gender he was inclined to go for.

Well, not so much now.

Hyuntak wanted to dance around the question or insult him like he always did, but what good would it do? Seongje could read him like an open book, and the post-drunk clarity was making him take logical decisions.

"So what if it was me?" He confessed in a mumble, lips pursing in a pout Seongje wanted nothing more than slide his tongue across. He then looked back at Seongje, eyes glinting in the dimly lit room.

Seongje's mind froze, subconsciously wetting his lips. "It means I gotta ask why it was awkward. How did it feel?"

Something shifted in the air immediately. It became heavy, hard to breathe, just thick around the edges, and Hyuntak swore it got warmer. Not because of the blanket covering his lap.

He still took some time to process the question, legs shifting slightly.

"I don't know... I felt weird. I didn't know how to, and I didn't feel like trying. I just wanted it to end."

"And did it feel like this, kissing other girls too?" Seongje's voice was slightly lower as he asked this, and the other could now definitely feel how his eyes followed his every gesture.

Something buzzed in his chest.

"I haven't kissed other girls." He confessed, watching the other's slow nod.

There was a beat of silence, and Hyuntak adjusted in his seat again. His mind was now crystal clear, and if he hadn't realised yet, he was really in Seongje's apartment right now. He told him about his deepest burdens, and was just about to tell him more. He would've never thought he'd find himself in such a position.

"...guys?"

"Guys either."

Seongje shifted closer, slowly not to startle him, and turned around to face him completely. Hyuntak was confused, he watched him with round eyes and waited for the other to do something that never arrived.

"Do you wanna try?" Seongje pronounced, tilting his head to the side in a way Hyuntak felt a shiver shoot down his spine.

And Seongje was so fond of all of that. The way his face flushed all the way to his neck and ear, making him wonder just how low it could progress— under his own shirt he had landed him.

Hyuntak was now, probably drenched in his scent, just sitting there like a treat waiting to be unwrapped.

He knew he promised he wouldn't do anything, but Hyuntak had the choice to refuse or lean forward to offer his lips. That would grant him two things. To confirm his suspicions about Hyuntak liking him back, and to make sure he could have an idea how physical touch could be amazing if it was done with the right person.

He fully expected Hyuntak to say not or to punch him again, but he watched in real time as his legs closed and he was taken by a slight shivery jolt, and he knew.

"I... I don't like guys." Hyuntak immediately answered. Predictable.

"I'm not asking if you like guys, I'm asking if you want to try kissing one." Seongje almost grunted, he could admit he was a little impatient. "One that's in front of you, preferably."

"Just say you want to kiss me." He grew even more flushed as he said that, and Seongje immediately smirked.

"Would that be easier?" He closed the distance between them, and Hyuntak was caged between his body and the armrest of the couch. His heart thumped in his chest in a tedious rhythm and he gulped. "If I wanted to kiss you so, so bad... Would you just let me?"

Hyuntak hated himself for the fact he stopped and really considered his words. His throat felt dry, so he humidified his lips so the words would slide out easier. The other obviously looked down, tantalized by the pink muscle peeking out, by the newfound shininess of the mouth he wanted to dive in.

How disturbing. Hyuntak thought, but he still didn't move and even looked up at the other again, batting his eyelashes more than he had intended.

And God, wasn't he just the prettiest thing on this planet.

Suddenly Seongje wondered how he could've ever laid his fists on such a face, when he should've been doing much more. On one hand, it was all fun games and it did get his attention, but on the other, he hated his younger self for being so emotionally poor that the only way he could express his attraction was violence.

"So, you do want to kiss me." Hyuntak spoke, his voice only centimeters away from a whisper, since they were so close now. There he was, dangling himself like a treat on top of a dog's nose, and it was genius because it worked. Seongje sighed, a chuckle leaving his lips.

"You want me to say it? To beg?" He tilted his head to the side. "Really, puppy?"

In any other context that pet name would've gone over his head, but now, it shifted something inside of him. Hyuntak's lips parted to answer, and then closed.

"I just want to help, you know..." Hyuntak teased, a fake pout etched on his face. He leaned back, the wall of warmth around Hyuntak slowly disappearing. "But I guess if you don't want it—"

"Wait." Hyuntak quickly reached for his forearm, prohibiting him from putting any more distance. There was something vulnerable in his eyes, but this act was one of bravery, he wouldn't have done it if it didn't surge out of his core. "I didn't say that."

"But you also didn't say I could. That's the cons of being a fucking tease."

"Fuck off." He frowned and looked away.

"Let go of me first?"

Hyuntak's grip immediately tightened. He must've been hesitating, but he then pulled him closer as his body language became more permissive. She shifted his body to face his, the discarded blanket exposing his leg.

"Okay... Let's try then." He mumbled, as Seongje thought he couldn't possibly get cuter.

"You're not even saying please?"

"In your dreams, Geum Seongje." He spat bitterly.

Oh, but he did say please in his dreams. Very, very often. Except no matter how polite and pliant he could be there; nothing was worth the feisty sound of his voice or the snarky remarks.

Now wasn't the time to dream, however, because Hyuntak had just granted him permission to kiss him. He almost couldn't believe it. Who knew? Maybe this was just another dream.

He leaned closer, and Hyuntak didn't shift away from him, his eyes closed slowly and he was sure he could hear his heartbeat if he paid enough attention. Seongje just wouldn't give him what he wanted just yet, he kissed his cheek, and moved to the corner of his lips.

"Seongje-yah.." he almost whined, but his voice was so low, and his eyes were still closed.

He continued, kissing along the line of his jaw, dying to use his tongue to taste him. But he didn't. Hyuntak squeezed his forearm, brows furrowed in concentration, while the other peppered him with kisses.

"That's not..." He stuttered, struggling to get his eyes fully open. He felt so dizzy, shaken with warmth and the releasing of his inhibitions. He had never allowed Seongje this close, and now that he did, he was both panicked and pleased, shivering through both. How absurd, he hadn't even touched his lips yet.

"Just relax, you're too tense." He gently led, and Hyuntak's grip loosened. "Good boy."

Hyuntak felt his warm breath against his lips, and immediately parted them. He could just picture the way Seongje chuckled, and after minutes or months of crescendo, he finally felt the plush, warm lips against his own. They fit together perfectly, like two puzzle pieces carved only for each other.

He didn't know when, but Seongje moved away, a small whine emanating from his throat before he closed the distance again, the sound traveling south to Seongje's crotch. Kissing was unbeknownst to Hyuntak, but even then, he searched through his thin souvenirs to recreate what he had done by instinct.

He moved his lips slowly, clumsily, chasing something he had the conviction would feel good to both of them. Seongje tasted like cigarettes and mint, one surely used to cover the other, but both made him feel even more ecstatic. Seongje groaned against his mouth, but Hyuntak didn't pull back— couldn't, even if he wanted. For the first time in so long, the electric sensation of ecstasy was ravishing him, and he wasn't ready to let go just yet.

In the meantime, Seongje caged him against the armrest, fighting the urge to reach for the other and hold him against his body. The deal was about kissing, he wasn't sure he had the right to implement new elements. He had never struggled with discipline before, simply doing what was fun or what felt good, and now he was tormented. Hyuntak was kissing him. And it felt so good. Clumsy, but so good.

It was deliriously adorable, but Seongje was very much moved.

Seongje had to set a hand in his hair and yank him backwards for Hyuntak to actually let go and breathe. Then he was met with the sight of an angel in all its glory.

Hyuntak was even more flushed, lips glossy and redder than before, and his eyes half-lidded. As if he got drunk through a mere kiss.

Seongje tsked playfully, his other hand coming to cradle his jaw. "Is that what you meant by awkward?" He teased, and Hyuntak shifted again, except he couldn't move much when they were so close.

"We never.. got like that." He admitted in a whisper.

"Like what?" Seongje taunted. "Wanting more?"

Hyuntak gulped and his lower lip quivered slightly when he nodded. Seongje then sat normally back and leaned back against the couch, legs parted. He wished he hadn't looked down, and hadn't witnessed the outline of something very obvious through the fabric of Seongje's sweatpants. His stomach churned as he realized he was in fact in a similar state.

Seongje nudged him forward with two fingers, and he complied, discarding the blanket somewhere unimportant.

"I'll show you other things, if you want." Seongje promised, his voice as low as if he was sharing a secret meant for Hyuntak only.

How was he supposed to refuse?

He had spent these past months avoiding the truth and fooling himself because he was too proud, too full of ego, to even think he could be on the same level as Geum Seongje. Now he was there, heart hammering away in his chest while all of his senses were messed up because of the other man. He looked one last time for the hate he pretended to feel for him, hoping it would maybe bring him back to safety— the safety of knowing he was normal, okay, a well-adjusted adult— but there was nothing left.

Nothing but something raw and primal running through his veins and buzzing up his neck.

He finally straddled Seongje's lap, a ball of fire igniting in his lower stomach as he felt the other's clothed dick against his ass.

When Seongje shifted, he surprised himself with a gasp, and immediately looked away from Seongje snarl.

"How cute, puppy." Seongje cooed, nuzzling against his neck as he peppered him with wet kisses. "I'm gonna touch you now, okay?"

"Yeah, okay." Hyuntak nodded, voice muffled by his hair as he took in his scent. The slowness of this moment made him feel so relaxed and comfortable, he had no idea that physical touch could be like this. This was so much different than how he was always fast-mouthed and on edge around Seongje.

"Just like that? Not even asking where?" Seongje chuckled, biting his earlobe gently while his hands slid up both his thighs, towards the inside of his shorts before retrieving them. "You're being so good tonight, puppy."

Hyuntak jolted slightly, the pressure of Seongje's dick a constant reminder of what could happen next if he just said the word. The biting and the kissing sent shivers down his spine, heat right towards his own erection, and he got more and more dizzy.

"Stop teasing... Or I'm gonna hit you." Hyuntak sounded almost threatening.

"Do you think I won't like that?" Seongje mumbled, bringing his face back in front of the other's as he felt the plush curve of his ass. The urge to dig his fingers in the flesh to witness just how soft they were was almost strangling, but he didn't just yet.

The answer obviously made Hyuntak tremble, but he wasn't too taken aback. "You freak." He spat, "just kiss me one more time."

Seongje didn't even think of teasing him again— not when he finally had his ass in hand.

He clashed their lips together again, and it quickly became insufficient; he squeezed Hyuntak's cheek then, making him gasp and part his lips enough for Seongje to dive in. A groan of satisfaction escaped them both as they were met with the warmth and wetness of the other.

Hyuntak was still sloppy, too eager to get close way too fast, so Seongje had to yank his hair back again. "Slowly." He muttered against his lips, before coming back.

Hyuntak downright moaned then, letting Seongje take the lead. He was surprisingly slow, suckling on his tongue, licking inside like a starved man. The lewd and wet sounds of kissing filled the room, and soon, the sinful rustle of clothes.

"Fuck, puppy..." Seongje whimpered when the other started grinding against him. "That's it."

He was just chasing what felt good, and the friction of rubbing his clothed cock against Seongje and making his toes curl. He moaned some more, and Seongje had to stop pretending.

He held his hips with one hand to guide his motions, and brought him closer by the nape with the other. He kissed him deeply, momentarily biting on his lower lip while he whined into the quiet room— well, not so quiet anymore.

"I can't believe what I'm seeing.." Seongje broke apart to breathe in, watching the other hump his lap while he hid his face in the crook of his neck.

He was almost trembling, whimpering right next to his ear like he didn't know what he was doing. Seongje caressed his nape, not wanting to be too cruel for now, he saw the other shake through a shiver and tugged at his hair again so he could look at his face. It seemed Hyuntak wasn't too mad about having his hair pulled, even when they were fighting, and it was enthralling.

He looked even more fucked out than before, biting on his lower lip while his eyes fluttered shut every time the pleasure built up too high.

Seongje was bricked.

"Is that what you always do when you're horny?" He said condescendingly, "You start humping people like a desperate puppy?"

Hyuntak couldn't fully register what he had said, but he quickly shook his head, letting out a lewder moan. His words, until now, had been quite full of praise.

'Good boy, puppy' or 'what a good boy' and they had filled him with so much more pride than he would admit, making his dick twitch. Yet now, it sounded so different. He was being downright mean, and Hyuntak couldn't blame him. He was behaving like a total madman, grinding and leaking onto him, tainting his shirt.

"No.. 'm sorry..." Hyuntak whined, but he didn't stop even for one second, chasing the curious warmth that spread through his lower body. "I'm not.. a desperate puppy."

"You're right... A good puppy doesn't get messy like that, right?" Seongje cooed, his lips coming to meet Hyuntak's neck again, yet with much more passion. "Only a bitch in heat does."

Hyuntak's back arched when he felt his teeth, Seongje was biting and sucking hard on his neck, but he still moved his head to allow him more space.

His words carried an aphrodisiac venom, invading his system through the bites, and his grip tightened around him. Hyuntak didn't know where to put his head.

"That's what you are, right?" He spat again, between two rough kisses. "Rubbing against my cock to relieve yourself, such a selfish whore."

"I'm.. I'm— Seongje-yah.. S— ah.." He moaned, getting louder and louder. His eyes fluttered shut, and his grinding motion became erratic; something was building up inside of him, something he wouldn't be able to avoid. "I'm... Ah, I'm so close.."

"Oh yeah? Already?" He groaned, completely focused on holding onto his own orgasm. He couldn't come like this— wouldn't and couldn't. "You're gonna come in your shorts like a good bitch?"

"Fuck— yes, yes.. please!" He nodded eagerly, biting on his lower lip, eyes glossy, on the verge of crying. Which was the thing Seongje wanted to witness the most in this instant. "Please, I can, right? Seongje-yah.. I want it so bad.."

"Fuck, come for me. Come on..." Seongje whimpered, glasses growing foggy on his nose but he couldn't care less, he ground up against Hyuntak's plump ass. "Let go, baby.."

A string of loud moans exited Hyuntak's mouth, and before he could register it, he was shaking and twitching in his shorts, white hot cum painting the fabric. His vision went black for a moment, and even when the last spurt made its way out and dragged a whine out of him, he didn't stop moving, he only slowed down.

When the over sensitivity hit, he finally stilled, panting as he tried to regain full consciousness. The wetness suddenly felt a little gross, yet he looked up at Seongje, whose eyes were intense and dark.

"Felt good?" He asked softly, thumbs tracing circles on his hips under the baggy t-shirt.

Hyuntak took some time before he nodded, and as he shifted, he noticed the still hardness under him. "Is your knee okay?" Seongje suddenly asked, knowing the position could be hard on it.

"I'm good. It.. felt good." Hyuntak mumbled, not knowing what to do. "Thanks."

Seongje just looked at him, figuring it would end there, so he retrieved his hands. Hyuntak, however, stopped him. He watched him with round eyes.

"...you should show me the rest." He added, eyes darting away in what seemed like timidity.

Seongje wondered where this whole persona went when he was dragging his wet dick against him and moaning in his ear.

"I mean... I don't really know how that works but—" he placed Seongje's hands back on his hips. "I wanna keep going." Was heard through an exhale.

Seongje wasn't sure where to even start, he had dreamed of this so many times. He could eat him out, have him gag on his dick, or both at the same time, but he didn't want to miss the opportunity to be inside him. Who knew if Hyuntak wouldn't start avoiding him again the very next day?

"I really wanna fuck you right now." Seongje was blunt, and he knew he had to be in cases like this, or at least when it came to Hyuntak.

The other's eyes widened slightly, and it seemed he was thinking about it.

Seongje seemed capable of handling the situation well. Hell, he seemed capable of anything at this moment, and if just grinding against him felt this good, he was impatient to find out how the rest would compete.

He nodded, "okay.."

He knew the amount of trust that was required to let someone in like that, to allow them in your deepest corners, carefully put such vulnerable parts of yourself in their hands and hope for the best. He wasn't worried one bit.

It was Seongje in front of him, yet he not only felt lust for him, but something far more complex. Something that was reassuring enough to let his hands hold and manhandle him until he was laying on the bed, pillow soft under his head. It smelled so good, Hyuntak felt like he might just drift off.

Seongje brought his fingers to the hem of his shirt, lifting it off of him when the other moved to allow him. Hyuntak was definitely pretty everywhere. Seongje had felt his waist the other day, the firmness of his muscles, but seeing it in real time was dreamlike.

He caressed the expanse of his torso, stopping at his chest to squeeze and feel how soft and plump it was, pinching the small, brownish bud hard enough to make the other squirm.

He relished in all of his reactions, and he had many. Biting his lower lip, squeezing his thighs and arching his back like it could never be enough to satisfy him.

"You like that, puppy?" He spoke softly, settling more comfortably between his legs. "When I play with your chest?"

"..isn't it obvious?" He almost whined, face growing redder by the minute.

"Oh, I don't like guessing games." Seongje mumbled, fingers pulling his shorts down, revealing the sticky mess as his half-hard cock slapped against his stomach. Seongje cooed. "Even your dick is pretty."

"Shut up.."

"Were you really gonna fuck your girlfriend with that useless thing, puppy?" He teased, caressing the sensitive slit as he held it, only to let it slap against his stomach again. Hyuntak immediately whined and tried to close his thighs, but Seongje was unmoving between them. "It's so cute." He chuckled and leaned down.

Hyuntak was so sensitive, every feather touch of his fingers sent a shiver through him, and it hurt in such a delicious way. He couldn't help but whimper.

"You're so shy when it gets hard, though... How did you get off before, puppy?" Seongje teased, moving towards his clavicle to add more reddish marks. "Do you stroke that stupid little dick?"

"Fuck— no.. I don't— ah.." he whined, eyes growing glossy again.

"Yeah? You hump your pillows then? Just like you did earlier, like a bitch?" He spat, tongue dragging low onto his nipple.

Hyuntak moaned in response, being stimulated North and South, completely disoriented. Once again, shame flew out of his body, and he found himself nodding and revealing such a secret part of himself. "Yes.. ah, I do..."

"So fucking naughty." Seongje leaned up, finally giving him a break. He could definitely picture it; The fast and sloppy pace of his hips as he desperately tried to relieve himself, probably too shy or just ignorant to finger his entrance. It would be something to sit down and think about thoroughly, but at some other time, when the real thing wouldn't be lying beautifully on his very own bed.

He took a moment to take off his shirt, his tan skin covered by a thin layer of sweat.

Hyuntak observed as he reached inside the nightstand, retrieving a condom and a tube of lubricant. It was nice that he was prepared, but also, he wondered just how many people occupied his place before him.

However, he knew that not everyone was a virgin, and there was nothing wrong with that. He just hoped something about this moment was special, not just to him, but to Seongje as well— even if it sounded too cheesy.

"Eyes up here." He half-scolded, tugging at his chin.

Hyuntak looked up at him, and their mouths found each other in an instant. It was slow at first, Seongje was leading him with cautiousness, setting a nice rhythm that made his skin buzz with excitement.

Their tongues swirled in a heated tango, switching angles every now and then to get a little deeper.

Then, Hyuntak jolted slightly, the feeling of something cold prodding at his entrance.

"It's okay, relax." Seongje mumbled against him, circling his rim with his index.

And he tried; he breathed in and out, legs parting a little further, but when Seongje pushed in, he panicked. "Fuck.." he cursed; the feeling was a little weird.

"You're doing good, puppy." Seongje went in slowly, moving his finger around so the other could get to the newfound presence. He kept peppering him with kisses, sometimes his lips, sometimes his cheeks and jaws.

When Hyuntak wasn't as tense as before, he added more lube and intruded the other, making a slow scissoring motion that sent shocks of electricity through him.

Hyuntak felt like he was floating, lying on clouds while Seongje kept kissing him so tenderly.

The strange heaviness inside of him quickly grew into something warm, and Hyuntak understood what the other meant by relaxing. He caught his lips between his teeth when a surprise sound tried to escape, and frowned in confusion.

Seongje curled his fingers upwards, seemingly looking for something, and when he did, Hyuntak's back arched off the mattress.

"S.. Seongje..!" He whimpered, reaching for his back as a support. The pleasure was back, and it felt so different than stroking or humping. He could feel the warmth spread through his whole back and legs.

"Yeah? Right there?" The other mused, repeatedly hitting the swollen spot inside of him, making him squirm and quiver.

"Yes— yeah.." He nodded quickly.

Hyuntak was so little accustomed to that alien feeling that his cock started twitching helplessly, it didn't help that he was so sensitive. The buildup of this orgasm was so strange, it made him want to get away from his finger and at the same time, push against them. It made him sob through a broken moan, feeling feeble and incapable.

"This is so.." he stuttered, his thighs trembling as his cock twitched against his stomach. "Wait.. wait a second— I.."

"What? You're gonna come from my fingers?" Seongje mumbled against his neck, leaning up to witness the pleasure take over his expression, completely ruining him. "Oh, fuck.." Hyuntak looked so damn lost, stuttering as he quivered around his digits.

He immediately added a third one, and the young man melted into the sheets. He restlessly brought his fingers against his prostate, rubbing that spot with a quick speed, and that was all it took to have him coming completely undone with a strangled moan.

White stripes coated his abs as he shivered, muscles tensing with the pressure of his own orgasm. Prettily, his eyes rolled back, as well as his head into the pillow, now utterly spent.

But Seongje was still so hard.

He retrieved his fingers slowly and pulled his pants low enough to free his aching erection; he watched his hole twitch around nothing while he rolled on the condom and added more lube, and God, was he hungry.

"Puppy... I'm gonna put it in now." He warned the other, who felt the blunt tip prodding at his entrance. "Hold tight, okay?"

"Yeah, please do it.." he begged softly, wrapping his strong arms around his neck to brace himself.

Seongje went right back to kissing him, hoping it would distract him enough from the stretch. He started pushing, a hand firmly holding his hip in place. He paused when Hyuntak hissed or gasped, retrieving his length before diving back in slowly.

Hyuntak was in ecstasy, the drag of his length and the stretch of his width sending him in a masochistic headspace. His walls quivered around him when he dragged against his prostate, but he instinctively wrapped his legs around his waist in hopes he would get closer.

"It's so big.." Hyuntak sighed dreamily. When he thought I couldn't get any deeper, Seongje found a way to push forward, filling him to the brim.

"You like that?" He mumbled, looking down at his face with an unfocused stare. He couldn't believe he was inside Go Hyuntak.

"Mhm." The other hummed in approval, as he reached for the glasses and slid them off of Seongje. Just this once, he allowed himself to look at him with something else than annoyance. He was good looking, ridiculously so, the mole under his eye just added onto his cat-like charm. Then he leaned up and placed a peck on his lips.

"What are you doing?" He said with a little laugh. It wasn't playful or anything, it was.. genuine. It was the first time Hyuntak witnessed this expression on him.

The realization struck him with even more arousal, and he looked away when his heart did something dangerous. He couldn't believe he had allowed himself to do something like this, as if they were doing this romantically. He was a complete idiot.

"Go deeper.." he instructed, out of spite, and Seongje didn't question it.

He dug his full length inside in one powerful thrust, successfully fucking a moan out of Hyuntak as he braced himself against the bed sheets. His eyes got round in surprise, as if he wasn't the one that asked for it.

"What? I thought you liked a big dick?" He teased, his tone turning slightly bitter.

Something had definitely shifted around them.

"Fuck you.." he whined in response, turning his head away when the stretch burned so much it got his eyes wet again.

Seongje tsked, reaching for his cheek to try and maybe comfort him, but Hyuntak refused and pushed it away. Seongje sighed, it was hard enough to stay unmoving when he was surrounded by such a delirious heat, Hyuntak was now making it more difficult. And for what?

"What's wrong?" He murmured, leaning down so he could search his gaze.

When their bodies were flushed like that, it was hard to think, and Hyuntak was so dizzy from coming he wasn't even understanding himself. Why was he feeling so emotional all of a sudden? It made no sense. He wanted this, had even begged despite his enormous ego. Yet there he was, on the verge of crying when he should be enjoying himself— for his first time, too.

He felt annoying and dumb, but Seongje was patient, placing kissing all over his cheeks and mouth gently. "Tell me, puppy. It's just us." He added, hand moving to the small of his back, just like they were hugging.

"I don't know.." he whispered, "sorry, I don't know what's getting over me.." he sounded almost embarrassed, vulnerable in Seongje's arms. He felt worse when the impression settled that he was ruining the moment, even though Seongje's erection was still buried deep in his guts.

"It's okay, hey.." he sounded so gentle, Hyuntak couldn't believe this was the same man. "It's fine.. no need to cry, right?"

"I've ruined this, haven't I?"

Seongje sighed. "We're both still hard, puppy. Nothing is ruined." He looked down at him and kissed him again. "You've been so good, you know that? Taking my dick so well.." another kiss. "So deep.. you feel it?"

Seongje slid his hand away from his hip, towards his lower tummy where his own cum had dried up. He pressed gently, and Hyuntak whined, he was so full, so complete. He nodded slowly, eyes fluttering shut again, letting the other's words get to him.

"And you're so perfect around me, too.." he whispered, suckling at a few spots, kissing the love bites he had left on the canvas that was his honey skin. "Just made for taking it, that's exactly what you were made for, yeah?"

 "Yeah.." he nodded, his heart fluttering and bubbling in his chest, as if these were the words he had been dying to hear.

"That's right, you've been so good, puppy.." Seongje moved towards his nipple, rubbing gently while he started grinding his hips.

The slow process elicited a string of moans from Hyuntak, his body rocking back and forth with Seongje's shallow thrusts.

It wasn't like before, Hyuntak couldn't even describe it if he could. It did hurt still, slightly, and all of the overwhelming rest was confusingly pleasurable.

Each of his movements, each drag of his dick drew a breath out of him; he could feel the sweat running down his temples, the twitch of his spent cock every time his prostate was even brushed.

"Seongje-yah.." Hyuntak mumbled, eyes fluttering open.

"Want me to go harder, puppy?" He inquired, still making sure the other one was properly stretched and ready.

Hyuntak hummed, and it took so little for him. He pulled out slowly as the other whimpered, and finally gave in the urge that was eating him away ever since he had laid eyes on Hyuntak again after all this time. He dived in with a rough thrust, shoving his entirety in the gaping hole, and immediately initiated a series of rough thrusts.

Hyuntak couldn't have prepared himself for it, even if he'd tried. He felt the vice-like grip of Seongje's firm palms against his waist and could do nothing but grip the bedsheets. He wasn't necessarily fast, but he was going hard and deep, ravishing his body like there would be no tomorrow.

"You're so fucking tight.." he moaned, the bed creaking from the intensity of his thrusts.

The other was elsewhere, much too dazed to answer when a constant string of shaky mewls and low sobs was the only thing he could fill the silence with.

He felt small bubbles of heat just pop everywhere inside of him, and there was nothing he could do about it other than take it.

There was something freeing about the whole thing, Seongje had made him come two times already, and he would surely bring him there again, panting and sweating on top of him while he looked down with hunger. It appeared like he, himself, could never be satisfied. Could never get enough of Hyuntak— and it moved him with an even brighter lust.

Seongje slowed his pace once more, hitting deep after he almost pulled out, teasing the other or rather edging himself. Hyuntak couldn't guess.

His eyes were half-lidded too now, and he kissed the other so they could taste each other's moans as well as the untold raw desire they carried.

Each drag was testing his patience, threatening him with the fear of being left empty every time without fail, even when he knew it wouldn't happen, the anxiety still arose in his chest. "Go faster, fuck me faster.." Hyuntak quietly demanded, sliding his fingers through the brown locks.

"Giving orders now, puppy?" He grunted, teething at his neck like a vampire.

"Just... Go faster, please.." Hyuntak whispered, voice breathy.

The easiness with which he was saying please was astounding to Seongje, and he couldn't deny him anything when he was so polite. He leaned up, bracing himself on his hips with the last bits of strength he had left.

Seongje picked up the pace, fucking into the tight, wet heat rapidly. The filth filled the air, through slapping sounds, moans and whimpers; His small apartment had never known something so raw between its walls, and he wasn't sure he could ever go on with his life and forget.

Hyuntak let out a series of dreamlike whines, lower lip caught between his teeth when his thighs tensed as he hit his prostate, he was on cloud nine. His tan skin was glistening with sweat and cum, chest and neck adorned with love bites like expensive jewelry, and Seongje knew he would never look at anything else the same way.

His hips stuttered, and his gaze lowered towards his peer's dick. It was cute, average size, but flushed at the tip and leaking all over from the overstimulation and the impending new orgasm he would soon experience— that Seongje would fuck out of him.

"I wish I could feel you.." Seongje rattled stupidly, hands gripping his waist and pressing on the area under his dick to make him mewl, and he did. "And fill you up with my cum, so bad.."

He didn't intend to admit it out loud, but at this point, he couldn't control his mouth. Hyuntak's mouth fell open with a particularly rough thrust, and he braced himself, gripping the bedsheets harder.

Seongje was merciless, each movement knocking a ragged gasp out of him, the beautiful sight under him filling his senses. The dizzying pull of an orgasm inconspicuously made his way through him as it took over his rhythm, his breathing, and ignited him from the inside out.

Hyuntak fluttered around him deliriously, and he could feel each twitch and throb of the erection digging so deep in his insides, raising up tall and heavy walls of pleasure that closed over him. The pace became sloppy, his toes curling as he tightened this grip around his mate, a surge of possessiveness taking over him.

Suddenly, it was all and only Seongje on his mind, through his lips, slurred in a lewd chant of cries.

"Fuck, Seongje.. Seongje-yah— more, please.." He couldn't hear himself and was too far gone to care.

The other moved after his words like they were laced with magic, thrusting through the fatigue, giving him his everything, slowing down momentarily when he got too close only to speed up again.

And Hyuntak noticed, one hand coming down to wrap around his cock. He felt strange, something odd was building inside it.

It was impossibly warm one second, and dreadfully cold the other; he frowned and whined, unsure of what to do, overwhelmed with random shocks at certain specific spots of his body. It was lunar.

"What's wrong puppy? Wanna come again?" He muttered next to the other's ear, biting lightly at the earlobe. "Wanna come while I split you open?"

"It's so— fuck, I don't know.. I think I'm gonna.." He stuttered, utterly confused about what he was feeling.

Seongje looked down at his cock, wrapping his hand over Hyuntak's and setting the palm of his other hand on the tip. "It's okay, let go for me."

"Wait.. this is too much— I can't.." Hyuntak shook his head as he looked down, pretty brown eyes filled with tears and yet so much trust and vulnerability Seongje was about to explode.

Well, not so figuratively.

"You can, you can take it puppy." He reassured, and gave him long, slow strokes, while he circled his tip with his palm. The wetness from his precome made the slide all the easier, and added to the lewdness of the room.

The confidence in which he moved, and the expertise, settled something in Hyuntak's stomach that allowed him to feel everything with no restraint.

Instead of that sense of dread, he reached a newfound peak, a genuine intensity that seemed to have been waiting for him all this time. He clenched even more around Seongje, and he bit his lower lip, eyes closing momentarily. He did not slow down this time, allowing the heat to slide up his legs, hips stuttering again.

"Come on... I'm so fucking close." Seongje let out a whine.

"Yeah, me too— ah!.." he nodded, eyes quite unfocused, and it finally happened.

After a build up of lustful moans and tremors, Hyuntak's dick twitched one last time as it spilled all over Seongje's fingers, but it was entirely different. The sticky fluid was clear, and wouldn't stop coming, each spurt sending an electrifying thrill through his whole spine.

White flashed before his eyes, and he clenched around the other's thickness uncontrollably. It was so pleasingly unbearable he was out of breath, feeling the slick coat his lower tummy, sliding down his balls and thighs.

And the worst thing was, Seongje's palm kept rubbing him. The overly sensitive slit cried from the all-too-good pleasure, and Hyuntak had to grab his hand to make it clear it was enough. He couldn't take anything more even if he wanted.

"That's it, puppy, squirting for me like a good boy." Seongje complimented, thrusts becoming shallow and disorganized as he spent all of his focus watching Hyuntak unravel under him. Squirting all over his grey sheets like there would be no tomorrow, gripping his dick so hard he thought it would fall off.

Which was exactly what brought him to the edge. "Fuck—" he muttered, hurrying himself as deep as he could while he filled the condom, wishing so badly he was filling up his partner.

With someone like Hyuntak under him, it was so hard to focus on both the visuals and the touching, there was just so much beauty about him. Everywhere.

He panted as he leaned over him, feeling over the clouds as both sweaty and warm skins collided. He could feel Hyuntak's rapid heartbeat, and hear his through his own ears.

Hyuntak was on the verge of falling asleep, blinking slowly while he hugged the other despite the stickiness.

He hadn't realised it when Seongje slowly pulled out, squinting the sleepy urges out of himself before he rolled off the condom, tied it, and threw it in the bin before he finally adjusted his sweatpants.

Hyuntak silently laid on his side while he observed him, hair disheveled and all. It seemed he had forgotten how to speak, or rather was he in such a state of relaxation he did not feel the need too.

He, who was usually so awkward when it came to physical touch, had just lost his virginity to someone he thought he hated and had buried in his past.

He regretted nothing, and now more than ever, since the experience had been so great that his brain felt like goo.

Seongje looked back at him with a similar expression, yet none of them looked away.

"Wanna get cleaned up?" He inquired, eyebrows shooting up.

"I'm tired.." he mumbled in response, burying his face in the pillow. It smelled like a mix of them now.

"Yeah, me too, but surely sleeping covered in squirt probably won't feel nice." He teased, giving him a forehead flick and watching him frown.

"Covered in what?"

"Should I show you again?" He grinned, "you were so pretty, I thought you were gonna pee or something."

"What??" Hyuntak inquired, louder, as he sat up in sheer confusion.

Seongje just laughed. "Maybe one day."

"No way— the fuck??" He shook his head; he really couldn't believe it.

He momentarily did feel like he was going to pee, but he couldn't have brought himself to stop Seongje, since the sensation was so new and intriguing. The fact the other didn't mind at all, though, was the most frightening.

Seongje took the opportunity to scoop the other off the bed bridal style, since he was too stunned and tired to fight back. "Come on, let's get cleaned up. I'll make the bed."

"Geum Seongje! If you don't put me down immediately—!" Hyuntak gasped at the audacity, but didn't try to move because he couldn't trust his own body strength. His legs were still vibrating with the aftermath of so many orgasms, so he let himself be carried to the washroom.

Seongje dropped him inside the stall, leaning over the entrance while he just stared.

"What are you doing?" Hyuntak frowned, suddenly feeling extremely exposed.

"Nothing."

"Seongje, I have to shower."

"Go ahead." He had that smug little smirk on his face, like he was proud of the marks on Hyuntak's skin and the way he could barely stand upright.

"Get out!" The boy spat, glaring at him despite the growing blush on his face.

"It's my house, puppy. Do you think you can just boss me around?"

Seongje wasn't actually going to stay, teasing Hyuntak was just too much fun. Also, he was very much able to boss him around— it always sent jolly sparkles through Seongje's body when he tried to.

"I can kick you out if you want."

"Please, you can barely stand up. Must've felt really good to get dicked down, huh? I almost believed you when you said you didn’t like guys." He chuckled, and barely had the time to register a bottle of shampoo coming his way, nearing the speed of light.

He luckily escaped his fate and closed the door behind him with a laugh.

Soon, the sound of running water became a hum in the background while he changed the sheets. At this point, Hyuntak's phone had come alive again, and he witnessed some texts from Park Humin. An actual ocean of them, filled with worries and apologies, so he swiftly turned off his phone before they'd be disturbed by an unwanted call.

Hyuntak was with him for the night, there was no reason for him to waste this precious time texting some other guy. Perhaps he was being petty, but could you really blame him?

Hyuntak came out of the bathroom for the second time that night, and settled on the bed like it was his. The sight was to die for.

Seongje handed him a glass of cold water, and before he could grab it, he pressed the rim against his plump lips and held the back of his head. "Drink up."

Hyuntak was too stunned to speak, simply complying as he drank what was being given to him. A few droplets made their way down his chin, and he momentarily broke their eye contact. Seongje took away the glass afterwards, leaned down to lick away what had spilled and the gesture tore a squeak out of Hyuntak.

Seongje didn't relent, kissed all over his jawline before he came back to his lips, and just when Hyuntak parted his lips to take more, he stepped back.

Hyuntak frowned in confusion but didn't say anything, and Seongje placed the cup down on the counter.

One wanted the other to come to him, but the other didn't think it would be necessary.

Surprisingly, they slept next to each other.

Seongje fought the urge to wrap his hands around the other, and just when he was about to drift off hopelessly, he felt the other move closer. Hyuntak checked if he was asleep, and only when he was sure it was the case, pushed himself into the other's hold.

It was so stupidly cute Seongje fell asleep with a smile.

When the morning came, he woke up first. It was a habit of his due to his decadent lifestyle, so he cleaned himself up and slipped back into bed to cuddle the sleeping beauty. Breathing in his scent, caressing his back while he absorbed all of his features.

It was not a crazy thing to do, surely, especially when it made him realize he didn't want anything else with Hyuntak than this. Now that he's had a taste of what another dynamic could look like between them, everything paled in comparison.

He wanted Hyuntak like this. All to himself.

He wouldn't be ashamed to say it, there was nothing wrong with this want. Nothing strange.

It was the most in-character conclusion to that psycho-sexual cat and mouse game between the two of them. And he knew it wasn't unrequited.

Hyuntak woke up gently, immediately reaching for his phone and turning it on to Seongje's disarray.

He let out a little gasp when he saw the time, and gasped some more when Baku's messages and missed calls were facing him.

"Holy shit." He mumbled, reading the panicked texts Baku had sent him after realizing he had his keys with him.

Hyuntak then turned to face the other, and sat up straight. "Oh, you're awake. Hi."

"Yeah." He nodded and stood up from his spot on the small bed. "What's with that?"

He outrightly lied, but Hyuntak couldn't know that.

"I need to go, Baku's at my apartment doing whatever the fuck." Hyuntak rushed as he got up as well. "I can't leave him there unsupervised."

"Is he a toddler or what?" Seongje watched the brunette rush to get dressed, putting his shoes back on after he had cleaned his face.

He couldn't deny the bitterness crawling up his insides, but he didn't say anything else.

"Of course you'd say that." He rolled his eyes as he walked towards the door, right next to Seongje.

He couldn't pretend this wasn't conveniently playing as a way out for him, because if he stayed here any more seconds, he knew he would start feeling things that were better undisclosed.

However, Seongje knew that.

"So, uh.. thank you for helping me and, everything else. It was cool." He said hastily.

"Huh." The other wasn't impressed.

They stared at each other for a few seconds, waiting for something, anything, to change whatever was about to happen. It was tense, and Hyuntak was never built to withstand such kinds of pressure; he reached for the door handle, and before it could fly open, Seongje had grabbed his wrist and pinned him against the wooden surface.

He yelped as he looked at the other, seemingly confused— but mostly scared. His attitude spiked up in defense, obviously, it always did.

"What are you—"

"Why does it always have to be me?" Seongje complained in a low, annoyed tone. Something dark and dangerous flickered in his gaze, and it pulled teenage memories out of Hyuntak. "I always have to do the things we both want. How is that fair?"

Hyuntak didn't answer. It did feel like being scolded, and some part of him knew that he deserved it. Both of them were annoying, but especially to each other.

"You're trying to escape again." He added. "Right? We fucked and now you just go back to ignoring me?"

"I wasn't going to."

"I'm not as stupid as you think, puppy." Seongje rolled his eyes, getting more and more annoyed at the conversation. "I know you enjoyed the sex, I'm not asking for a review. We both know what I want to hear right now, I'm not letting you go until you do."

Hyuntak let out a quiet gasp, half panicked, half disagreeing, though his heart fluttered at the initiative. "Seongje, stop being childish, I really have to go."

"Try and see." He taunted, unmoving.

Hyuntak sighed upon witnessing the stubborn face he was making. He knew there was no way out, so he slowly looked up and placed a kiss onto the other's lips. "Seongje-yah, I really have to go." If movies had the tiniest truth to them, Hyuntak basically had to ask nicely enough, at least that's what he believed.

Even though the other man's heart skipped a beat, he didn't falter. "Just say it." Hyuntak sighed; so they lied.

Seongje brought himself impossibly closer, until his presence was everything Hyuntak could sense, and taunted his lips. He didn't quite kiss him, his lips were just hovering here and there, shifting towards his cheeks and neck.

For some reason, the act could really get Hyuntak.

It riled him up, the way the world seemed to slow down and fade out in the background, when all he could think about was kissing the other. Yet every time he tried to close the stupid space between them, Seongje pulled away. He didn't understand what was being asked out of him.

"Say what? I don't—" Hyuntak's mumble bordered on a whine.

"I like you." Seongje suddenly said, pulling him out of the dreamy haze that had overcome his mind from the kisses that never came. "I'm trying to make it easier for you, just say it back."

Hyuntak was speechless, doe eyes round and shimmering with something glowy. The words had pierced him like an arrow would, and he threw himself against Seongje without asking. He kissed him feverishly, arms tightening around his waist.

It wasn't just a few words— well, it was— but they still pulled something unexplainable out of Hyuntak. He was on the verge of running away, dipping back into the old habit of ignoring Seongje because what he felt was too scary, but this whole project died down rapidly.

Seongje held him as well, losing his breath in the kiss he could never get tired of. He suckled on his lower lip, tasting the finality of the chase, the breaking point of years of frustration and longing. It was bittersweet, and Hyuntak could only moan against him when their tongues met filthily. The memory of Baku at his apartment disappeared momentarily, there was only Seongje, his hungry mouth and his bold touches making their ways under his shirt to feel his shivering skin.

He liked him, he really did.

It wasn't imagination or something else, he wouldn't have to fear an unbalanced string of emotions in moments like those because they kissed each other with the same unrelenting passion and intensity.

Both of them were mad, madly in love with each other.

Unfortunately, he had to put an end to it sooner or later, panting so close to his lips, and he looked down at his peer with intent. "So?"

"Wasn't that enough?" Hyuntak complained, and yet he sighed, mumbling the few words Seongje was dying to hear. Tore between embarrassment and playfulness.

"What?" Seongje pecked his lips again, pressing him further against the door.

He tsked, pushing the other away only to flip their positions. "I like you too." His frown deepened. "Happy now?"

"Very." Seongje nodded, hands slowly making their way to the other's ass.

"So can I leave, now?"

"Depends. Are you gonna ignore me again?" Seongje squeezed a tiny bit.

"Maybe." Hyuntak muttered, feeling much too comfortable to the point he could be teasing the other back. The squeeze he was experiencing made his skin warm up, even though he wouldn't be capable of bearing the consequences. He was much too tired and sore.

"Oh, you’re trying to be a tease?" Seongje chuckled against his lips, eyes flickering towards his mouth for a second. "You think I'm just gonna let you go?"

He spoke with something certain, something unwavering Hyuntak was very familiar with.

When his phone rang, however, he was reminded of the situation at hand. It was too late to back up anyways, Seongje did not care at all. "Turn off your phone." He instructed, backing Hyuntak further into the room. "You're not leaving."

"Back off.. I really can't stay, I'm serious." He half whined, lightly pushing the other.

"Then I'm coming with you."

"Seongje."

From the very beginning, their relationship was never something simple. To everyone around, they were each other's nemesis and antithesis, there was no way in which they could somehow one day face each other with nothing but hate in their eyes.

Yet here they were, walking together towards Hyuntak's apartment as Seongje made a bold move to hold his hand. The other barked out a complaint but didn't pull away, and the world was still spinning like this was normal.

They went through hardships to get to the core of themselves and understand their own feelings, to make them bloom through the hatred and a past full of pain, and when they did, all of the rest was left to rot in the back of their heads.