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Michelle Wheeler hadn’t put much thought into wearing makeup. Not until the summer of 1985. Because Michelle had been mistaken for a boy. She was just out with Lev, and someone had said something about her being a dude, boy.
Perhaps it was the sort of thing kids wouldn’t care much about, but Michelle wasn’t a kid. She was 14. A teenager.
So then she started to put on makeup. Notice trends. Her father no longer pointed out how boyish she may have looked. So she thought it worked like a charm. But when she looked in the mirror…
It wasn’t quite right enough. It wasn’t her. She didn’t wear makeup, and she didn’t spend an hour in front of the mirror trying to perfect it. Not thinking about how she felt , but subconsciously calculating.
(She noticed all her features)
Today, she was meant to be going to the mall with her friends. The new mall that had just opened up that summer- starcourt. She was already late, clambering to get on her bike and across town to the new mall. Her friends, especially Dustee and Lucine did not like it when she was late. And she is not surprised to be greeted with Dustee’s anxious face once she arrives.
“Ma girl!! You’re so late, we’re gonna miss the movie!”
“Oh come on, I don’t think she’s that late.” Willa said, always one to turn fire to smoke when she could. Wilhelmina Byers was Michelle’s best friend, since kindergarten. It was sort of like love at first sight but for friends—because Michelle was not a lez. They just instantly knew. They picked each other. Willa would never judge Michelle no matter what sort of makeup or outfit she wore.
“Ugh, Whatever.” Lucine groaned, letting her weight shift to her knees for a totally necessary sinking effect. “Guys, if we keep up all this yapping we won’t even have time for snacks!”
That certainly got us moving. The mall was really quite populated, but Michelle didn’t expect to see their old bullies. They always picked on Willa, especially, and Michelle had gotten in some real trouble trying to defend her.
Once she saw them, she went back to looking away, but it was too late.
“Gosh, who does she think she’s trying to impress?”
“She looks like a clown—or some sort of drag queen.”
Michelle heard the laughs that followed, but only faintly, as she had already bolted.
It was just her luck that the bathroom was empty and not too far away. she should have made a better exit. Told her friends to enjoy the movie and that she would just be a second. hopefully they would think of that anyway. And then she looked in the mirror, and that was quite enough to set off the tears that had been building up.
Her thick eyebrows, big nose, her too round, undelicate face. The way her mouth twisted. The way her lipstick, eyeshadow, blush, and mascara sat so crudely with it all.
She could never be girly. no matter how hard she tried, she would always look like a boy in drag.
Why did Michelle care? Why did everyone care? Why did this sight in the mirror make her want to curl in on herself and cry, to never dare trying to look nice again, or to keep trying harder and harder.
“Mich?”
It was Willa.
Michelle tried to wipe her tears, but it was no use. She hated being seen like this. She tried not to cry, especially in front of Willa. Willa was always the one to cry.
“Mich, are you okay..? Just ignore what those girls said, it- it really doesn’t matter.” She tried to assure me. I heard her footsteps come closer, and then she was right beside me. I turned away from the mirror, not wanting her to see my reflection.
“Just go away Willa. Go see the movie.”
“I don’t wanna see it without you… seriously Mich, you can tell me, what’s wrong?” Her voice was so soft.
“I look like a clown.” I say, and my chest feels heavy as my voice cracks. She looks concerned. And I know it’s because of how horrible and ugly I looked. Deep down I knew that Willa wouldn’t stop being friends with me because of how I looked, but…
“No.. I think you always look really pretty.” Willa said, but she sounded nervous.
“You don’t have to lie to me.” I sighed, now letting myself sit against the wall. She came beside me.
“It’s not a lie, Michelle. I think you’re beautiful no matter what makeup you wear, o-or if you’re not wearing it at all..”
“Then why are you so nervous about it? Just be honest with me, Willa, I’m sick of this!” I lash out, but I tried not to let my voice go too high. Willa really didn’t like that, ever since we were little I made sure not to yell with Willa, because I noticed how she would cry when I would.
“I can’t tell you.”
“What?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at her. Suddeny there is that look in her eyes, like when she was possessed by the flayer.
Slowly, she brought her hand to her neck.
I got to my feet and came to her side, offering a hand on her shoulder. “Willa? Willa, you ok?”
“It’s here.” Suddenly, the power went out.