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The silence in the bar was almost unbearable. No one wanted to be the first to speak up.
Jax sipped on his drink, the whiskey sour hitting the back of his throat like acid. He forced himself to focus on the shimmering of the glass in the dull, monochrome bar they sat at. Anything but the ragdoll who’d ran out on everyone, pretending to hide her flurry of tears.
What was that? He’d- in his entire time knowing her- never seen Ragatha open up to anyone like that. Not even him, back when they used to talk. It was the first time he ever so much heard her speak about her mother, no less talk about the abuse she inflicted on her.
It almost made him feel bad for everything he’d done to her. Almost. But nothing here was real, not like out there. It didn’t matter if he hurt her, because she could just fix herself back up and carry on like nothing happened. He kept strumming that thought in his head, in an attempt to block out the sick feeling he was getting in his stomach. The thought of what he’d been doing to a woman who’d already suffered through that before. The thought of hurting Ragatha and watching her still bounce back up afterwards. He pushed it down deeper and deeper, down to a place where he wouldn’t ruminate on it any longer.
No one had followed after her, which also took him by surprise. She was always comforting everyone else, but the moment she confessed, the attention wasn’t returned. Eaten bread is soon forgotten. He sighed, sipping the rest of his yellow cocktail. His cheeks buzzed. He hated Zooble, and he most certainly didn’t like this imposed veganism, but god damn, it had been a while since he’d drank something alcoholic. He’d drink expired apple juice if it would’ve gotten him plastered. He swished it around like mouthwash and took it all down in a single gulp.
The others had begun a polite conversation amongst themselves, excluding himself and Kinger. As he kicked off the chair, he caught the gaze of the chess piece’s lopsided eye. He gave Jax a strange, somewhat confused look. His eyebrows were pulled tight together, as if asking him to be kind. He didn’t say anything, but he could tell they were both thinking the same thing.
Psh, what did Hoo-ha know anyway? He was out of his mind, if he even had one to begin with. What did he think he was going to do? Drown her in the toilet or something?
He took quick strides to the bathrooms near the back of the speak-easy, coming to two doors decorated with faceless mannequins. One blue, one pink with a little bow atop her head. Jax twisted his nose in slight disgust. He put his gloved hand flat on the front of the door, before pushing it open. The door creaked in annoyance, before thumping quick behind him. What sounded like little sobs stopped almost immediately afterwards.
“Who’s.. Who’s there?” She was in the last stall. Her voice was still wobbling with tremors of upset, threatening to pour out all over again. He could hear her fumble with the lock, her mitten-like hands struggling.
“Urm.” Jax began, suddenly feeling awkward. Why had he come here? It wasn’t like he cared about Ragatha, or her little woes about being a farm girl. What could he say? I wanted to make sure you weren’t abstracting here or something? He doesn’t need to say anything, however. She’s already out of the cubical, over-zealously plastering a smile on her face.
She looked a mess. Her mascara had left grey and black streaks down her cheek and spotted on the slight bit of cleavage she had exposed. Her lipstick had rubbed around her mouth and gotten on the backs of her hands. She sniffled up invisible phlegm.
It was so imperfect. It was everything Ragatha wasn’t, aside from the grin she wore. It didn’t reach her eyes, which were still slightly wet. It was tousled in every sense of the word, but something about it made him stop mid-sentence with a little mumble. Her smile drooped when she saw it was him.
“Oh, Jax.” It was clear she was expecting more abuse.
“.. Rags.” He mumbled back. The poor ventilation above hummed like an engine. It made everything smell like dust and brown paper. “You ran out.”
She nodded, keeping her eyes down. Her hands fiddled with each other. He clicked his tongue as he waited for a response that never came.
“They’re worried.”
“No they’re not.” Her tone was low- he almost didn’t hear it. “They don’t care.”
It was hard to argue with that. If they did, they certainly weren’t acting concerned. He stuck his hand in his back pocket and slouched a bit.
“They are. Why do you think I’m here? They sent me to make sure you didn’t.. I don’t know. Kick the place up or something.” He was careful to avoid the word “abstract” under any circumstances. He didn’t want to upset her anymore than she already was.
Why didn’t he want to upset her? Why did he care?
She gave a slight nod, lips still screwed into a tight line. She was struggling to get any words out. Anything that actually did sounded disingenuous.
“I’m fine.”
Blatant lie. Why did she feel the need to impress him? Why couldn’t she ever tell him the truth?
“I guess we’ll just go back out there then.” Jax watched as she nodded again and rubbed the middle of her arm with her thumb. “Since you’re “fine”.” More sniffles followed.
Was she crying again? His stomach lunged as he turned his head to look at her. She kept her head down, thick little globs rolling from her eye, picking up little freckles of her mascara as they made their way down her cheek.
“I thought you were fine, Rags.” He sounded annoyed, but there was a hidden sense of relief. They’d try to ignore it just as much as she did, and everyone would move past it like it never happened. But this was the closest he’d ever seen Ragatha be true to herself. He was pushing her- he knew it- but he wanted to see that side of her. Was that selfish?
She tried to nod again, red curls bouncing as she tried to vehemently deny the truth. Only Ragatha could bawl her eyes out and try to convince you she was okay whilst doing it.
It didn’t feel like he was seeing her be genuine. He felt like he was watching her stumble past her breaking point. His eyes pried her expression, scrunching and wrinkling as she started to cry. Louder this time, far louder. How couldn’t anyone else hear it? It felt wrong seeing this. He felt wrong.
He put a hand on her shoulder. It was awkward and a lot more intimate than either of them expected. She slumped up against the black wallpaper and hugged her knees. He let her cry, just keeping a lazy grip on her arm. Nothing seemed to ground her. He, for the first time in a while, kept his mouth shut.
“I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t be crying.. I know the others have it a lot worse than me. I swear, I’m being dramatic. My mother wasn’t that bad! Just a little strict, that’s all!” If she was her usual self, she would’ve ended the sentence with an excitable swing of her arm and a thumbs up. But through this mess of tears and snot, it came out as a shout-like whimper. “I’m just being a spoiled girl, that’s all.”
“What don’t you miss?” Jax stared at the fluorescent, yet dim light above the two of them. “You said she didn’t miss you, but you don’t miss her either.”
She looked surprised he’d actually been listening.
“The shame.. how everything I did was never enough for her. No matter what I did, no matter how I acted or said, she’d never look at me with anything but scorn.”
“That’ll do it.” He mumbled.
“I did everything.. Everything she wanted. I got a degree in business. I got a job in real estate. She picked all of that out for me. I never wanted to sell houses..” She coughed back some spit. “I just.. I just wanted to make her proud.”
Jax didn’t want to claim that she was, because, by all means, this sounded like someone who would never be. He kept his mouth shut.
“She always had to know what I was doing or who I was talking about. I didn’t have privacy. It’s not like I fought back either.. I let her talk to me like that. I let her yell at me. I could’ve.. Why didn’t I.. Why did I let her do that?”
Jax sucked in his pride tight. He was going to do something he’d surely regret later.
“I get it.”
She stopped her sobbing for a moment, and lifted her head up slightly higher. He leaned against the wall a bit more. He knew Ragatha wanted to feel helpful, even at the detriment of his persona.
“I mean, my parents weren’t.. terrible or anything. Not like your mom at least, but they had their moments. They’d usually saddle me to look after my siblings all day, or go through my stuff when I was out. Typical parent stuff” He sighed. “But it got worse after I graduated. It felt like every night we were fighting over something new. Vicious too. One night, they told me I was the worst thing to happen to them. We were fighting over something stupid like gas money, but they’d been drinking and things got aggressive. I just walked out then, and it was the last time I ever saw them.”
He played with the gold buckle of his belt. He’d done everything he could to push his real life out of his head, accepting that no matter what, he was stuck here. Why dwell on it? It wasn’t like there was anything he could do to stop it.
“I wasn’t always a good son.”
“I wasn’t always a good daughter.”
Jax found that hard to believe.
“You never told me that, Jax. Even when we..”
He cut her off quick.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s out there, and we’re in here.” He wouldn’t bring up the fact she never told him this either. It felt like a low blow. She returned with a noise that sounded rather unsure.
“I’m sorry I never told you.. This.” She sighed, gesturing her hands to nothing. “It’s not exactly pleasant to talk about.”
“Yeah. Well, you had your reasons.” They sat in silence for a few moments. It felt nice. He hadn’t felt this calm in a while, despite the few stray tears and hiccups Ragatha could gargle. It was like an uncomfortable weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Why hadn’t he talked about it sooner? Why hadn’t she?
“I didn’t have any reasons. I just.. It never felt like the right time. I have it a lot easier. I shouldn’t complain. I should be thankful for what I have, not what I don’t.”
“You had a [$%&#]y mom, Rags. You don’t have to be thankful for that.” He tethered slightly, scooting flat to the wall. “It’s not like she can hear you here.”
“I guess.. It’s not even her hearing, it’s what people would think about me if they knew. They have to like me, and, if they knew that.. They’d look at me differently.”
“I don’t think of you any different.” It was an attempt at an insult, but it came out strangely personal. He could see her lip curl into a sideways “c”.
Her head gently rested on his shoulder. He didn’t push it away.
“I don’t see you any different either. I know you don’t like talking about.. That. I won’t tell anyone.”
“You better not.” It was somewhat playful. He liked the little laugh she made in response.
Why did it feel so good to hear her laugh again? Why hadn’t he realised how much he missed it until now? A genuine, golden smile straight from her heart. Not the fake titters she’d make in response to a poor joke from Kinger. Something sweet ringing like a bell. Why did that make him feel like this?
She leaned further, head brushing his white button up. He didn’t move, but let her settle against him.
“For what it’s worth.. You don’t have to deal with her anymore.”
“Yeah.” It sounded strangely sad. “You too.”
They sat in awkward silence. They hadn’t been close like this in a long time. He hadn’t felt her warmth like this for so long. He wondered how he’d gone without it.
He slipped an arm around her waist, hugging her close. His head met her shoulder, and he could feel the outline of her chest on his. He couldn’t tell if she was burning, or if he was. He’d missed this. He’d missed her. His heart quickened as she huddled closer. He sincerely hoped it wasn’t noticeable.
He wasn’t used to giving comfort, but if it meant getting to hold her like this, then he wouldn’t mind.
“Thank you..” She wiped the last of her mascara blots with the back of her hand. “You’re nice and warm.” She paused for a moment, listening to his chest. “Your heart is beating really quick.”
He gave a nervous laugh to hide his struggle to find any response. His hand readjusted itself onto hers. She doesn’t move it, but cranes her neck up to look at him. Their eyes meet.
There was a quiet between them, before he swallowed his pride down for the second time. He shuffles in, eyes fluttering as he pecks her on her lips.
She leaned into it almost instantly. No shock, just immediate acceptance and neediness for more. Her head tilts as he angles his tongue to pass her lips. He buries it deep into her mouth, to which she returns the favour. His chest swells and his pants feel far too tight. He pushes it deeper, before pulling away to pepper more kisses on her velvet skin. She’s so close, he can feel her thighs against his and her breasts pressed firmly up to his.
“That was intense.” Ragatha laughed, a little shaky as she tried to catch her breath.
“Yeah.. at least I can’t get a [$%£#] here.” Despite the censoring, the hand near his waist made it clear what Jax was alluding to. He shuffles a bit, feeling unbearably tight around his crotch. He places a hand between his legs as he tries to adjust them. He almost passes out as his fingers brush over what he could only assume was his tip.
Since when had he gotten a..?
Whatever it was was stuck to him, tumescence in his dress trousers. Ragatha made a murmur as he fumbled with the zip, yanking it down and exposing himself entirely.
There it was, attached to him like any other limb. It was slightly poking upwards, curved at the middle with a proud pink head. It was the same lilac as the rest of his body, twitching itself as it was exposed to the painfully gelid air. He could feel it. He could feel the pleasure, the desperation, each viscous droplet of clear cowper it spat out.
What had Ragatha done to him?
Speaking of, the ragdoll looked just as shocked as he did. But even with her good-girl act, she couldn’t hide the sense of desire written on her face. Mouth opened and closed again as she tried to choke out a word. Smug wouldn’t even begin to describe how he felt. The pride went straight to his newfound dick.
She leaned up a bit closer, standing up with a shifting of her legs, pulling up the side of her black silk dress. She was adorning a pair of black lace panties. As much as he’d like to drag this on, to last in this moment for a million years, there was a shared sense of urgency between the two of them. It wasn’t every day a break in the system like this happened, and they had to move quickly or face the very real possibility of someone walking in. She tucked the midsection of her underwear to the side, blushing as she exposed her equally new genitalia. She was almost expecting to be as barren as she always was. The change wasn’t unwelcome.
“Holy [%$#&]..” He muttered, staring in awe at her. She shuffled slightly, rubbing her thighs awkwardly as he gawked. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen one, not to mention someone he liked so much. It took a lot of restraint not to bust his fluids right there.
She rubbed her neck, glancing off. “I know it’s not much..”
“Uh huh.” He was too entranced. His dick was throbbing for attention. He’d short-circuited right there. He was up too, feeling as she wrapped her arms around him tight. He was able to regain his composure- somewhat, but she wasn’t making it easy. Every inch of her body was sending him into overdrive. It took everything in him not to slam her against the nearest wall and fuck her senseless. He couldn’t wager if she was a virgin or not- leaning more so to the former.
It took a bit of positioning, before they finally fitted themselves up against one of the walls by the sinks. His trousers were piled by his feet, and her dress was barely covering her breasts anymore. He guided the aching head to her entrance, sucking in breath between his teeth as he slipped it inside. She was soaking- it made an audible noise as he pushed it to the hilt. In any other situation, he would’ve died laughing. But he was far too overwhelmed with everything else right now. He probably wouldn’t have even heard it over Ragatha’s adorable mews of pleasure.
He kept it there for a few minutes, checking in on her between arrays of kisses across her collarbones and chest. She looked in heaven, majority of words coming out of her mouth were some variation of his name and yes, please and thank you. She hadn’t lost her manners. He shuffles himself, adjusting as he nudges it against her insides.
“Please..”
“Please what?” He shot her a snarky grin. “Use your words.”
“Please mo- ahh.” Her request was quickly fulfilled. He kissed and suckled rings around her neck. He held her up with ease, slowly rocking himself as she adjusted herself. Her hands squeezed his back, crying out with pleasure. The soundproofing in the bar must’ve been incredible. No one had heard a thing. The entire room was nothing but grunts and groans from the push and pull.
“Please Jax, please.. Please go faster.”
“Tsh, it’s a good thing you’ve got such a pretty face. I can’t say no to you, Raggy.” He teased. She was far too deep into the pleasure to quip anything back, simply giving into the sensations he was giving her. They held another kiss, and then another. His monochrome grey lips had been painted a darker red.
“I’ve.. I.. mhmm.. I really missed you, Jax.” That caught him off guard. He gave a few sloppy thrusts as he tried to register her words.
They used to be close. Not this close, but something special nonetheless. Her words started bringing all those memories back.
“Ngh..” He didn’t know how to respond. He could feel how tight she was clenching around him, certain if this was to end, she’d lose him again.
She looked so beautiful. Why would he ever want to lose her? What had he been thinking? His thoughts quelled when more kisses were shared. His hand had snaked under the spaghetti straps of her dress, playing with the stuffed breasts she donned. His fingers squeezed over her nipples, delighted with the cries of pleasure they earned him. He could tease her. He could drag this on for as long as he wanted.
He pushed himself into the base, intending to almost push her to the edge, but never quite enough. She broke away from the kiss and between cries for him to finish inside, a simple:
“Mphm.. Mhmm….. Jax.. I love you.”
His entire body froze up, hands settling as she held him closer than before. His legs quaked as he was unable to stop the ropes upon ropes he shot directly inside of her.
How had that been what pushed him over to the edge? He had to hide somewhere before he died of embarrassment. Why did it mean so much coming from Ragatha? He felt special again, like when they first met. She made him feel special. His tail was wagging like a dog’s.
He gave a frustrated grunt. He didn’t appreciate this humiliation.
“Psh, of course you do.” He pulled out, watching the white ooze in his absence. It was funny to think of all the little lines of code that had to go into making them. Ragatha gave a troubled groan as he helped her mop up the mess he’d left behind.
“That should be enough.” He mumbles, tossing the paper to the wire wastecan. “It’s not like I can knock you up here anyway.”
How wrong he was.