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Another long day. Another long adventure. Another day. Another day. Another day. GOD, they were tiring.
Jax loped across the room with his long stride, flinging himself dramatically on the farthest couch from everyone else. He stretched out on his back across the piece of furniture, making sure there wasn't any space for anyone to join him. He was so tired… so exhausted. But he couldn't show it, they'd never believe it.
“Hey, Jax…” Pomni said cautiously.
“What do you think I'm going to do?” Jax drawled, the corners of his smile faltering at her obvious caution, because that hurt. “Explode? Hah!”
“Well hiding in Pomni's room and jumping out at her really wasn't your finest moment,” Ragatha said tentatively, causing Jax to roll his eyes.
“Come on,” he protested, drawing out the words. “It was funny. You should have seen your face, Pom-Pom.” But really, it hadn't been funny. That hadn't been his goal, she'd just come in and he'd done the classic jumpscare..
“It wasn't funny, Jax,” Gangle whispered, her comedy mask long since broken by Jax.
“Shut up, Ribbons.” Jax really didn't have the energy for this.. not when he'd been unable to sleep earlier. Not when he'd wandered the halls alone and found himself staring at Ribbit's door, and then Pomni's, and then Ribbit's..
“BUTTERFLY? YOU SAW A BUTTERFLY?” Kinger popped out of his pile of pillows, glancing wildly around.
“Yeeeeaaahhh.” Jax propped his hands behind his head, trying so hard to keep the act up. His eyes darted sideways to Pomni. She still looked… worse than usual. And he didn't think he could handle this. Words came out of his mouth, but he didn't put any thought into them. “The butterfly flew into that super obvious door over there.”
Kinger whirled around, hopping towards the door.
“Kinger, wait!” Ragatha lept to her feet and scrambled after him. “That's the door with the digital alligators!”
Gangle took one look at Jax –who was grinning widely as Ragatha tried to wrestle Kinger away from the door– and slid off the couch, muttering about finding Zooble.
Ragatha failed to keep Kinger away from his single minded quest to get to the fictional butterfly, and as he pulled open the door, she lunged after him, begging him not to go in there.
Jax sighed, the sound lazy. But his feigned nonchalance slipped as his eyes darted sideways to Pomni again. For a long moment he watched her, saying nothing. But then he couldn't help himself. He couldn't handle watching her pain. “Just get over it, Pom-Pom. I jumped out at you. You screamed. It's normal.” His words were shorter than usual.. it'd been… well it'd been a day.. but he didn't normally talk to her like that.
Pomni shook her head, not looking at him, not speaking.
His heart clenched in his chest. It was so hard to see her upset. His pupils softened against the yellow of his eyes as he watched her. But he couldn't.. not today… not on the anniversary of her abstraction. Not when he kept jumping at every flicker of code. Not when he was afraid…
“Was it something I said?” The words were spoken in what should have been, the perfect careless tone, but the underlying meaning was too close to the surface, and Pomni looked over at him, the movement sudden.
“So now you care?”
Jax knew he was in trouble the moment her eyes met his. She was perfect. Absolutely perfect. God, he loved that jester. But if she knew… or if he let her see… she'd only be hurt. She'd become him. And she deserved so much better than his pain.. If only he could protect her without forcefully pushing her away and hurting her.
It used to be so easy to push everything away. But he couldn't do it. Not today, not in the face of her way of breaking down his walls and bringing things rushing back. Things he'd rather not feel, rather not remember, not today. Any day but today.
“I thought you cared about me. I thought… I thought you were done with the stupid pranks and scaring me because you think it's funny when I'm afraid.” She sighed, unaware her words were stabbing through Jax's chest like spears.
His expression had frozen, unseen by Pomni who was staring at her hands. “I thought I felt a connection… a spark or something between us.. but every time I think I see it, it's gone. Lost in some stupid joke. I was delusional… you only hang out near me because you're taunting Ragatha.. I just…” Pomni slowly shook her head. “I thought… we were friends.”
Jax's eyes widened. She sounded just like-
“I thought we were friends.” Ribbit was breathing hard, her body trembling, and her hands shaking. “Jax… I thought we were friends, I thought we were…” Her voice cracked. “I thought…”
“Ribbit..” Jax stepped closer, holding his hand out to her. “I…”
She pulled her hands away. “Don't touch me.”
Jax yanked his hand back, pain flashing through his eyes.
Ribbit saw, because she always did. She'd always been good at noticing. She softened her voice, but it still felt like burning needles were being inserted one at a time into his heart. “Please. I hate being touched. You know that. You're supposed to know that. I thought you loved me.”
“I do lov-”
“Shut. Up.” Ribbit covered her head with her hands. “Shut up. Shut up. Shut up shut up shut up shutupshutupSHUTUPSHUTUP.”
Jax's eyes widened as code started glitching around her hands and head. “..Ribbit?”
She dropped to her knees, sharp black lines flickering into existence to replace the smooth edges of her cartoon body. Her fingers, her hands, her cheeks, all were glitching into jagged black spikes that were consuming her body.
“Ribbit!” Jax stepped closer, his hands hovering uncertainly between the two of them. Because what could he do?? How could he… maybe he could..
Her arms slid out of the way, revealing her eyes. Or… what were supposed to be her eyes. One was bright red, the other pink, but her voice was still her own. “Go away, Jax… I don't need your help.”
“Jax…?” Was that Pomni, or Ribbit? Was he in Ribbit's dark room, or lying on a couch..?
“Jax….?” No, that was Pomni. “What's wrong?”
He started violently, surging forwards, and smashing his head into something. Pain spiked across his forehead as he looked up into Pomni's red and blue eyes. Had she been leaning over him?
“Jax, are you alright?” Pomni absently lifted a hand to her head, her eyes on him as she absently rested her hand against her forehead.
She still sounded like Ribbit…. god….
“Yeah..” Jax pressed a hand to his head. “I'm great. Fine.” But as his hand flashed through his field of vision, something flickered, leaving him frozen.
“Jax… I'm sorry… I just…” Pomni shook her head. “You just…. confuse me..”
Jax was only half listening as he slowly pulled his hand back into view, staring blankly at the flickering code slowly creeping up his hand. So this was it. He was abstracting.
But wait, Pomni was right there, he couldn't.. not now, not with her. His breathing shallowed and quickened, and he scrambled to his feet, hiding his hands behind his back.
“..Jax?” Pomni stood up too. Her eyes narrowed slightly. “What's wrong..?”
“Wrong…?” Jax's voice shook slightly, and he mentally slapped himself for his weakness. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. And great.” He started edging away, moving backwards.
“You're acting weird..” She crossed her arms and pinned him under her stern gaze.
He could feel it starting on his hand. It felt gentle… like a hand from an old friend coming back for you after years.
But no, he needed to get out of here. If he abstracted right here, Pomni would see and that would hurt her. And he couldn't do that. Or maybe his abstracted form would attack her, like Kaufmo’s did.. and no he couldn't cause her pain.
So…
He ran.
“Jax!” Pomni's voice chased him as he ran. He had to run, had to keep running. Had to run from the danger to his heart, had to run from the emotions, from the memories, from the circus.
And if he kept running, surely he'd wake up in his bed at home.. in his own body.. and the circus would have all been a dream.
The jagged black lines of abstraction were somehow fluid as they crept up his wrist, already having taken his hand. But he couldn't look because if he looked that would make it real. And suddenly he needed this all to be fake because Pomni was everything he wasn't… and, god, he wanted to kiss her.
He thought he could never love again after Ribbit.. after she abstracted four years ago today. But then there was Pomni… and she was so worth it.
But fluid spikes were creeping up his arm, their grip soft and familiar, almost….
Peaceful…
Why was he running… it was his friends. His friends had come to fetch him. Ribbit was holding his wrist, smiling at him again. She was beautiful. He loved her.
Tears were on his cheeks, but he didn't remember how they got there. He couldn't hear her voice yet, but he knew as soon as he'd been consumed, she'd be there with him.
“Jax?”
It was Pomni.
“Jax.” No it was Ribbit.
But the figure dropping to her knees beside him wasn't the tall frog, it was a short jester. “JAX! NO… no no no no no no no NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!”
Jax didn't say anything, just accepted the jagged lines creeping down his chest from his arm. Really, it was like a hug. And Ribbit was still here, holding his wrist and smiling, waiting to pull him along.
“JAX, DON'T YOU F$@&#%G LEAVE ME. YOU'RE AN #&$HOLE BUT YOU'RE FORBIDDEN FROM ABSTRACTING.” Pomni's hands shook as she touched his side, his partly free arm, his ears and then his face. “Jax,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “Jax, please no.” Her hand was pressed to his cheek.
His unabstracted hand lifted to touch her cheek lightly back, but still he didn't speak. What was there to say? It was peaceful.. being hugged. Touching the woman he loved, having his friend waiting to take him home. Nothing needed to be said.
The fluid lines swept down his chest, stealing him from Pomni, and yet he didn't seem to notice as the jagged spikes slid around to his back and down his arm.
She dropped her hands to his free wrist, clasping it between her hands. “Please don't leave me, Jax. Please.”
“It's too late for me, Ribbit,” Jax said softly, speaking at last, as he glanced slowly between the girls holding his wrists
“I can help you,” Pomni cried, tears leaking from her eyes. “Let me help you.”
“I don't need your help,” Jax murmured. “I'm going home.” He looked into Ribbit's shining eyes with a soft smile, because he knew it was true.
“You dumb@#& rabbit, just accept something for once.” And then Pomni closed the admittedly small gap between the two of them and kissed him.
It felt like a fire flared to light in his chest, and Jax blinked, finding himself in an empty circus room, alone with Pomni who was kissing him.
She pulled away quickly, giving his body a once over before she met his eyes. “S-sorry, Jax, I-”
Jax cut her apology off as he leaned forward and claimed her lips again. Because maybe… maybe he was already home.