Work Text:
I’m a man
That’s what you raised me to be
I’m not an identity crisis
This was planned
- Neko Case, “Man”
Jay-den sits sleeping next to me. I check my messages on my PADD as the shuttle comes out of warp. Genesis sent me her arrival time, 4 hours after when Jay-den and I will land. SAM is with her. Tarima is on Anisha’s shuttle and is less certain when they’ll arrive. Kyle sent a message that I don’t open. Kyle has sent me a few messages since Jay-den shared that picture with him, and only one of them was appropriate for public viewing. High risk message to open while sitting with a bunch of other people around.
I think about doing it anyway.
Jay-den stirs as the shuttle hits Khionia’s atmosphere. When we land, we get stares crossing through the shuttleport. We’re both in Klingon leathers, which by itself would draw attention, but Jay-den would stand out here even if he were wearing Khionian clothes. We make our way to the hotel Quill arranged for us, sticking to the upper city so that Jay-den doesn’t need to get diving gear. The hotel is high end with a staff that is polite enough to not comment on how we stand out. We are shown to our rooms, where the in-room replicators are very politely pointed out to us.
I replicate new clothes for us and shoot a message to Tarima to see if she has any clearer sense of when they’ll arrive. I look at Kyle’s message. I’m glad I didn’t open it on the shuttle. It’s a recording of him. The audio is just him detailing a proposed date for when I get back to Earth, but while he’s talking he’s stripping out of his wetsuit, touching himself. I send back a recording agreeing to his ideas, carefully including Jay-den getting dressed in his new outfit in the background. Jay-den thinks it’s silly, but I’m pretty sure Kyle will appreciate it.
Tarima, Caleb and Anisha arrive in Anisha’s shuttle about a half hour before Genesis and SAM get to the hotel. We eat in the rooms. Anisha and Jay-den don’t say much. Most of the conversation is carried by Genesis, SAM and Tarima. Caleb and I join in some, but the girls haven’t seen each other and are excited to catch up.
In the morning, the group of us meet Quill at the atelier they chose.
“Hello Darem.” They smile slightly at me. I give a full formal bow.
“Your grace, I am honored-”
“Absolutely not. You may not have the title anymore, but you are not allowed to treat me like we’re strangers and you’re some retainer.” They hug me. I introduce them to everyone, and they show us in.
The atelier manager pairs everyone off with a designer. I can hear SAM’s designer gushing over SAM as she realizes that SAM generates her own appearance. The lack of physical constraints means that the designer can literally do anything with SAM, which both of them are excited about.
The designers paired with Caleb and Anisha are doing their best to tone down Khionian style choices. They both have an instinct to hide, to dress subtly. It will only draw more attention to them at a royal event. Genesis and Tarima have tried a host of styles, happily playing their parts as pretty little dolls for their designers. Jay-den and his designer spend an inordinate amount of time discussing exact details, before Jay-den emerges looking resplendent and very confident. The sash across the chest is styled like a Klingon baldric with the House Kraag crest embroidered into it.
Quill has already decided what I’m wearing. It borders on seditious. The whole outfit is full of subtle hints of the Reymi crest, but never actually showing the crest itself. Broken versions of it, hidden in the pattern everywhere.
“Quill, I can’t wear this.”
“Yes, you really can.”
“It’s… I don’t want to.”
“Kaira and I think it’s a good idea.”
“Quill.”
“Darem, don’t you want to push back against them at all?”
“No. They pretend I don’t exist, and I do the same.”
“Kaira’s not going to like it.”
“The queen can order her subject to wear what she wishes in her presence. Make a note for her that I have stated I don’t want to.”
Quill stares at me for a long moment, then pulls out their PADD and sends a message.
“Bring out the other option.” The designer disappears into the back, collecting something else. The second option looks stylish, distinctive, and apolitical. Quill’s PADD alerts, and they check it. “She wants to see you this evening. It will be a private conversation, so no need to dress formally. We’ll get both outfits. You can make your decision tomorrow when you’re getting dressed.”
“Whenever she wants to see me, I’ll come.”
Quill sends a transport to collect me for the meeting at 2150 in the evening. I’m in a private meeting room at the palace by 2200, waiting for Kaira. She sweeps in four minutes later.
“Sorry to leave you waiting.” She approaches with a diffident smile, warm but awkward in a way that surprises me.
“It’s fine. I know how busy you are.” My pulse races. I keep checking the exit instinctively to make sure I can leave.
“I want to start by… Are you alright?”
“I’m fine, your majesty.” A flash of hurt crosses her face.
“I’m sorry, Darem.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m sorry for not responding to you. I… I was angry with you at first. But I also had to think about why it went like that. I… I never really saw what was happening to you. I only saw how you treated me. I thought of you as my friend, and then… the wedding made me realize that I hadn’t really understood you. I loved you, but I never really understood you. I am sorry about that as well.” I can feel my breathing slow. I look her in the eye and know she means it.
“I didn’t understand myself. How were you supposed to?”
“I should have tried harder. Even… even when I started to come to terms with it, I didn’t really understand. I think I do now. After your parents filed their motion, Koran Rens came to me. He gave me… a collection of documents. Personal testimonies from staff, recordings, every piece of information he had. About you. About how your parents treated you. It… I never knew it was like that. I should have known. I should have noticed that they were abusing you.”
“They weren’t.”
“Not physically, but they were, Darem. They were, and I should have noticed. I don’t know why Rens gave me the data now, but he was right. I needed to see it.”
“They sent him to perform the rite.”
“Of course they did.”
“I never realized he… cared.”
“How could he not? I took the data he gave me to my parents. They already knew. My father… he said that it was normal. It was how he was raised. How everyone is raised within a certain rank. I can’t tolerate this. I can’t just sit idly by while children are abused. I can’t let what happened to you keep happening.”
“Which is why you wanted me to wear that insult when I’m honored.”
“Yes. I… I want to make a point. That I’m on your side in this. If you are willing… I want to make the account quietly public. It’s not enough for a legal case against them, but… it’s enough to shame them.”
“I don’t think it is.”
“It would be enough for me to make a statement in the court. For me to tell other parents that this will not continue under my rule. But I won’t if it’s… It’s your story, Darem. It’s up to you if it gets shared.” There’s a silence between us. She breaks it. “You don’t have to decide tonight.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“I really am sorry, Darem. I should have known. I should have protected you.”
“You were a child.”
“So were you. The difference is that I was a child who had power. You never did.” My throat aches, and I can feel the sting of tears in my eyes.
“You can’t hold yourself responsible for not knowing.”
“I know now. I’m still sorry.”
“I forgive you.” It takes me a moment to realize it’s true. That I’m not just telling her what she needs to hear. “Please don’t disappear on me again. I…” I’m starting to cry. Fuck. “I really missed you.”
“Never.” She opens her arms to me. We embrace, her small frame tucked against my chest.
“I want to say I’m sorry too.”
“For what?”
“For not realizing I could tell you the truth. For not seeing that your love wasn’t conditional like theirs. I should have been honest with you. About everything.”
“I forgive you for that. I hope that you know better now.”
“I’m trying to keep it in mind. It’s a hard lesson.”
When I get back to the hotel, Jay-den is waiting for me. As I come into the room, he crosses to me and takes both my hands in his.
“Are you all right?” His eyes search my face as he asks.
“I’m better than I was.” I kiss him. “We had a really good talk. I think… I think we’ve fixed it. I think we can be friends again.”
“Good. I know how important she is to you.” He presses his ridged forehead against mine.
The next day, the Athena arrives and Quill arranges an official tour of the capital city for anyone who wants to join. The others go along on the tour, but I head to the lower city on my own. I transform just before crossing the water line and dive into the depths.
From the lower city, the upper city disappears, the only sign of it is the massive rock wall of the island that the upper city is built on. The lower city sits at the base of the wall on the ocean floor. People swim past me, heading to the upper city.
The lower city is a tangle of ancient stone structures, coral growth, and natural caverns. People go about their business, heads down, keeping to themselves.
In the dark of the lower city, I wait at a shellfish stand. I get a crab to eat while I wait, cracking open its hard little shell and sucking out the juice and meat. When Rens approaches, he doesn’t greet me, just orders his own food and floats nearby. I move out of the public area, into a section under the coral where people won’t see us. He follows a few minutes later.
“I appreciate you coming, master Darem.”
“I’m no one’s master now.”
“Tides always change.”
“If you say so. I… Thank you for giving Kaira the documentation.”
“I couldn’t think of anything else to do.”
“It made a difference. She… she had a strong reaction.”
“I am sorry for my part in it.”
“You did your job. You trained me well. You were always professional with me. You have nothing to be sorry about. Nothing they did was illegal. There’s nothing you could have done to change any of it.”
“You’re being kind, boy.”
“I fought a bear on New Qo’noS with a spear. Unharmed. You did your job.”
“That’s something then.”
“You wrote it all down. You told Kaira. That’s something too.” He nods, his black eyes meeting mine for the first time. I smile. “It’s better that you weren’t kind. I had enough of a crush on you as it was.” He looks away with a smile.
“Is that why you kept bringing your sexual conquests to the salle?” He makes a clicking sound of laughter.
“I wanted so badly to impress you. I really was an idiot.”
“You were an adolescent doing adolescent things. I see a man now. I hope you live a worthy life, master Darem.”
“I am very grateful to you for all you’ve done, Rens.” He nods and swims away, disappearing into the depths of the lower city.
I return to the upper city and track down the tour group. Commander Reno pulls me aside at the first opportunity.
“You doing ok, kid?”
“I kind of am, commander. It’s been a lot, but I’m ok.”
“Good. Let me know if you want to throw a drink in anyone’s face at this dinner tonight. I’ll set up an emergency exit for us.” I laugh.
“Thank you, commander. I’ll let you know.” She gives a little smile and a nod.
At the dinner, a herald announces the honorees as we enter. The chancellor is announced first, on down the line. Most are just given name and rank, though the herald does read out Tarima’s full list of Betazoid titles. I am announced as ‘cadet Darem of Khionia’, and I have a moment where I regret coming. I regret wearing the outfit Quill and Kaira chose for me until I see them with the other court nobility.
My parents are here, and they see what I’m wearing. They don’t walk out or pretend not to notice. They’re angry. They’re visibly angry in a way I’ve never seen before in my life. I feel a sudden exhilaration at the sight. A petty and spiteful thrill that I finally got a reaction from them.
When we sit down, Jay-den slips his hand under the table to grab my thigh.
“You’re shaking.” He whispers, concern in his eyes. My heart is racing. I quietly focus on my breath, nodding a reassurance at him as I get myself under control. I didn’t even notice that I was scared until he pointed it out. I am terrified of what they’ll do, how they’ll respond, but I keep reminding myself they aren’t my parents anymore. They don’t have power over me anymore.
Kaira gives a lovely speech about heroics and gratitude, the bravery of the Athena’s crew, and then signals for me to stand. I hesitate.
“One of our own aided in this effort, a son of Khionia who we believe deserves special recognition.” With that, I have to stand. Quill is suddenly next to me, leading me in front of Kaira. I kneel before my queen, not sure what she’s doing. “Khionia requires eyes beyond the realm, and we know of none who would serve us better. We name you Duke of the Beyond. Stand before us, cousin.” I can hear the ripple of reactions, shock and horror from the assembled nobles, applause from the crew of the Athena and Federation representatives. I was no one, and now as a duke I count as a relation of the royal family. Quill is a duke by blood, but suddenly I am actually their social equal in the eyes of Khionia. I stand, and Kaira embraces me publicly in a way that would have been inappropriate moments ago.
I focus on my breath.
As we part, I know I don’t want this. Kaira looks at me reassuringly, and I understand that this is her move. To save other children from what happened to me, she’s making an example of me. The court saw me as a failure, a disowned no one. She’s made me into something else. I speak quietly, so only she can hear.
“I was going to tell you that you can release the story. I don’t know if there’s still a point.”
“There is. I’m afraid the title will come with some official responsibility, but it’s mostly work Quill’s been handling, so they won’t mind continuing to do so. I may need you to come home every once in a while though.”
“Just tell me when, cousin.” I manage to smile. I feel unsteady, but Quill shows me to a seat nearby. At their table. The queen’s table.
“Sorry to surprise you, your grace.” They grin at me as they sit next to me. “She wanted to make a big move about it. My suggestion was to claim eminent domain over your parents’ lands and bestow them to you as a gift, but she thought that was too overtly petty.”
“I appreciate the sentiment, cousin. Do I need to take a new name or can I get away with reclaiming my old one?” I smile at them and take their hand. They squeeze mine in return.
“Your parents can’t stop you if you want to be Duke Reymi. It’s a bit spiteful, but I think it’s a good idea, cousin.” They put an emphasis on the ‘cousin’ that feels like an inside joke already.
“Another bit of spite, can you arrange for Koran Rens to be offered a job? He’s a retainer for my parents, works security. I’d like him to be visibly rewarded.”
“Kaira already sent him an offer. I was thinking we could make offers to all of their staff. Make everyone who works for them suddenly work for us. I could use the help.”
“Wonderful idea, cousin.”
I look up at the crowd. My parents are gone now. The nobles who were seated with them avoid my gaze. I look at the crew of the Athena. I’m pretty sure most of my family have no idea what just happened, but they look excited for me nonetheless. Even Caleb has a big grin on his face.
I’ll explain it to them tomorrow. I’ll tell them all the whole story.