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He gently dots blots of black ink against my skin, marking a trail for the scalpel that laid beside me to follow. He hovers over me, knees planted on either side of my hips, kissing the darkened expanse of my pale skin. Every dash he made with the pen was followed by a gentle kiss. A kiss that was so different from the drunken, aggressive ones of our youth.
"You look so beautiful Borya," he whispers against the shell of my ear. My spine tingles and blunt nails sink deeper into his shoulders, feeling the muscles expand and contract as he caresses the raised flesh on my sides. I look up into his honey eyes, and he looks down into my mismatched brown ones, warm, sober affection surrounding the air around us, enveloping me in its embrace. His eyes were clear and searching, not the clouded, lust driven look I’ve tried so hard to forget. "I want to see all of you, he says to me, I've always wanted to."
I don’t speak, letting the heavy, stuttering rise and fall of my chest and pounding of my heart say what I don’t have the courage to. What I never had the courage to. He leans down, pressing his forehead to mine, the tips of our noses brushing. He presses my hands to the surface below us, interweaving our fingers.
The feeling of the sharp blade isn't painful, like I had imagined. There were small pricks of pain here and there, but they were dulled by the feeling of relief that rushed through me. I arch my back into the glide of the knife, shivering as bliss ran hot through my veins. My breathing grows heavy as I watch the blood run from my chest to my sides. They create beautiful pools of crimson around me, encasing me, like liquid amber, trapping me in time. Theo pulls the scalpel away as he reaches the valley where my thighs meet my torso and meld together.
"Gods, look at you," I meet his gaze, his head resting against my bloody, open stomach, and his hands travelling down so his thumbs rub red circles into my hips and staining them with my dark color. "Like an angel, splayed out for me to see."
I can only whine, my vocal chords refusing to work with my head. There’s so many things I want to say, and yet, none of them make it past my lips. He thinks I’m an angel, reverberates gently through my skull. Warmth blooms from where my beating heart lays exposed, nestled between my ribs that arch over it, like a mother protecting her child from the world, in a way my own mother never would. Theo eagerly laps at the blood flowing from the pulsing gash in my torso. His lips and teeth are stained with my sickly sweet blood when he brings himself back up to look me in the eyes.
He looks gorgeous like this. I pull him down, my slim fingers tangling in the thin hairs at the nape of his neck. Our lips meet softly and I lick into his mouth, hungry to taste myself on him. Theo lets out a soft groan as I bite his lower lip. I bite hard enough to draw blood, relishing in how it mixes with mine to create a sweet nectar that tastes so much like him. I want to drink every drop of liquid beauty and fortune from his body, I want to consume him the same way he has consumed me. There’s a small part of me that wants to hurt him, a part that digs itself deep in me and refuses to let go, but the guilt I feel for leaving him is deeper and stronger, like a parasite that is eating my essence.
He pulls away to trace wet, red kisses down my neck, leaving me writhing underneath him. "I want to worship all of you." He plunges his hands into my open stomach, tracing the bone he finds there. I let out a sharp cry, overcome with the feeling of the smooth skin on his open palms against my deepest parts. He presses his chest to mine, his hands still exploring my insides. He touches my organs, fingers featherlight against the soft masses inside me. Slowly, he makes his way up to my heart, hands resting over the persistent beating.
I can’t help the wail that tears itself from my throat. To have him touch my most intimate place with such care and ease, like he wasn't afraid of me, of touching me, of being with me, makes my body tingle with warmth, from the ends of my hair to the tips of my toes. I’m overcome with wave after wave of adoration and love I never thought I deserved to feel. I don’t realise I’m crying until Theo is using his blood stained fingers to wipe the crystalline tears from my cheekbones and kisses the dew from my lashes.
"I love you," I pant, my own hands coming to cradle his face. "I’ve loved you for so long." I sob against his palm.
"I love you." He says. Not a response, a statement. He holds my dissected body like it’s a piece of art, not a twisted, marred, ugly sin. Even if my skin is damning and poisonous to the touch, he holds me like I created the universe. If him touching me like this meant we were both eternally damned to rot in hell, I’ll hold him as long as I can.
I arch into his touch, silently begging for more. His manicured, bloody hands hold my waist, pinning me down as he bites at my neck and trails my blood down to my collarbones. His hands are strong and firm against me. I try to bring him back up to my lips, tugging his sticky, blood-clotted hair. He dips his fingers into my stomach and coats them in my blood before he traces a path up my sides, to my breast, then my biceps, coming to grip my wrist tightly and hold it against the surface below us.
He drags his tongue between my ribs and covers his lips and jaw in the dark red blood there. His tongue ghosts over my heart making a low whine spill from my lips. My hips buck instinctually to meet his, the dizzying feeling of our skin and bones pressing and grinding together making my jaw go slack.
Through my heavy lidded gaze, I see him pull away and reach for the scalpel, discarded beside us, then bring it to his own chest. He takes my hand, wrapping it around the handle of the blade before covering it with his own. He lets out a low groan as the tool digs into his skin. It draws a long, red gash similar to mine along his torso. He collapses with a gasp when he pulls the scalpel away. He presses our foreheads together as we both pant from the exhilaration, his blood spilling with mine, combining and swirling around us like a dark river.
"I want you to touch me," Theo whispers. "Please, Borya, I want to feel your hands inside me."
I shakily raise my pale, blood-covered hands to the deep incision. He lets out a stuttering, laboured breath as my fingertips brush over the wound and slip in. I start hesitantly, unsure what to do. We have been together before, but never like this. Never bleeding and open, pushing against each other, our blood swirling over our bodies and staining the white, pristine sheets a deep shade of scarlet. My slim fingers trail over his ribs, eliciting a gasp from the man above me. He ruts against me, biting down on my neck.
I wrap my legs around his hips, pulling him closer. My hands plunge deeper into his chest. I feel my chewed, blunt nails scrape against the soft tissue of his heart. He hisses, biting down harder. His teeth pierce my skin in such a way that sends a shiver down my spine and causes me to thrash against his warm palms that hold my hips down.
I press my palms to the beating of his heart, the rhythmic thumping that pounded in tandem with my own heart calming me. He was here, and he had seen the core of my soul and still loved me. Now he was showing me, because he trusted me to not recoil like so many others who had caught a glimpse of it had. Slowly, I drag a finger down over the delicate organ and pull back, taking it in my mouth and licking the blood clean.
Theo’s breath hitches as he watches me devour the warm liquid on my finger, like a man starved. The look of want on his face enchants me, his blood slick lips parted and breath coming out in small huffs. He meets my gaze before kissing me. The way he kissed me was desperate, as if he would die if he didn’t taste himself on me. Our teeth and tongues and lips clash against each other with the desire to consume.
He grabs my right thigh in a bruising grip and pushes it up, spreading my legs wider and pushing me back against the headboard. I grip his shoulders to keep my balance, ignoring how my head had thudded against the wood behind me, sending a spark of pain tingling down my spine that quickly subsided. He shifts us slightly, keeping his grip on my leg. Now his thigh was pushing between my legs sending electricity through me in waves. In turn, I lift my left leg to return the favour. He shudders and breaks the kiss to whine quietly into my collarbone.
My hands are still deep in his chest. I slowly traveled lower, feeling his lungs expanding and retracting, reminding me he was alive and here above me and that he loves me. He loves me like he believes I deserve to love and be loved in return. I trace his spinal cord and thoracic. I reach lower and lower, feeling the soft material and outline of each of his organs. He presses a knee against me and I roll my hips down in a manic attempt to keep up connected. He’s biting my neck, the squelch of teeth against muscle sounding like a symphony. His mouth comes to rest over my jugular just shy of piercing it. I almost want to beg him to rip the veins from my throat. It feels so good. Something in me tightens and I can tell Theo is feeling it too. He holds me closer as I start to shake, riding out my orgasm all over his thigh. Theo follows a second later, mumbling words I can't make out before he tenses, letting out a low and drawn out groan. He moves to cradle me in his arms, both of us breathing heavy and soaking in the afterglow.
After a second, he draws back, looking at me again. He leans down in a slow and sensual kiss. I kiss back, feeling his tired smile against my mouth. "I love you so much," he whispers. I hum happily in response, feeling the warmth of his body against mine, the morning sun starting to trickle through the blinds over the apartment window. It’s peaceful, and still. I lay my head back as Theo shifts to spoon me, gently working through my unruly dark brown curls with his fingers. I stay still, eyes closed and listening to the sounds of the city outside and the gentle touch of Theo’s hands through my hair. In a few hours, we’ll have to pop this bubble that surrounds us, but for now, I let the world melt away around me and him. I've learned to savor the present, and the good I’m granted by the world. I allow my body to relax in his arms, my breathing growing even and deep as I fall asleep.