Archive of Our Own

The nights are always quietest following an expedition. 

Successful or not, the climbing death toll with each return into the Walls weighs down on the regiment, a cruel reminder of the cost of these expeditions, of the sacrifices. Levi has conditioned himself to handle it, the gore and the chaos and the devastation—but that doesn’t mean he isn’t left with a sick repulsion in the sticky aftermath. It’s evident he isn’t the only one who feels this, the uneasy quietness settling over Headquarters is stifling and suffocating. 

The latest expedition was expected to evolve with little trouble—the exploration of a crop of long unchartered land in the North. They had made proper arrival at their makeshift camp with little cause for concern, teetering on an unnerving calmness, a fleeting respite on the cusp of a furious storm. This unusual peace would turn out to be a fluke after all, when, just as the moon reached its peak, they were attacked.

It was an Abnormal; a terrible, wretched thing, with scraggly limbs too long and teeth supported by a jaw too strong. Temporarily mesmerized by the titan’s unnatural flexibility as it scuttered across the grass on all fours, Hanji finally snapped back to themself after a particularly rough shout from Levi. The two of them teamed up, Hanji slicing through the hardened tendons on the backs of its feet to open up room for a swift cut through the nape by Levi. 

The entire left flank had been wiped clean by the Abnormal, consisting of thirty two soldiers. Thirty two hearts dedicated to the cause.

However, 80% of the regiment manuvered back into the Walls unscathed. Furthermore, they successfully claimed the explored land again, and Hanji had several pages in their journal dedicated to new information they’d learned on the expedition.

It had been a success. 

Thirty two dead, and it had been a success.

Our lives will always be at risk venturing beyond the Walls. But change can’t be made without a gamble.

That’s what he says, the words as good as second nature to Levi by now. Words, no, messages, preached with an unbreaking resolve that Levi wasn’t aware one man could possess; the Corps’ ever so honorable Commander, but, in the quiet nights like tonight, Levi prefers to refer to him as just Erwin, the man behind the Wings—his friend. 

Levi moseys down the dimmed corridor, so light on his feet that he can hear the slide of the silverware resting on the tray he carries. He carries dinner for two—two bowls of mediocre soup, two slices of crumbly bread, complete with two cups of tea. He reaches Erwin’s office—the door is shut, but he recognizes the familiar swell of blood-orange stream spilling from underneath, knows Erwin must’ve set a fire in the grate. 

He uses one hand to splay his palm wide beneath the tray for balance, using the other to turn the knob with a casual finesse, slow enough to give Erwin a few seconds to collect himself if needed. As expected, Erwin simply sits at his desk, pen perched in hand, most likely scrawling his signature along whatever mountain of paperwork the MP has him stewing over that week. That’s one constant, Levi thinks—the damned paperwork. Erwin may lead the regiment to horrors only believed to be shown in nightmares, but he can always count on those stupid stacks of paperwork to return to. 

Erwin doesn’t lift his head from the lines of words crossing the forms on his desk. He hardly moves at all, really. It’s only in the miniscule dart of his eyes that his acknowledgement of Levi is made, a swift up and down that can only be detected after years of close inspection, years of up close observation. Then, there are the lines that crease the outer edges of Erwin’s lips when they lift, gracing Levi with that tiny, personable smile that he rarely shows outside of the confines of that office. He appears so human, smiling that way in the warmth of his office late at night. 

A smile like that always strikes Levi as out of place on his face, almost odd, and that’s a hard pill to swallow—he’s just a man smiling at his subordinate, what could possibly be odd about that? Guilt claws its way up his throat when he thinks like this—it’s only odd because of the position forced upon Erwin, a position that only he could have stepped up to take, a position that makes smiling as big of a privilege as returning from expeditions in one piece. 

But there was a time when Levi was hellbent on murdering that man in cold blood, so - he’d like to believe that being the only one to be graced with that hidden smile before the crackling fire is a nice sentiment, as odd as it may appear.

“Levi,” Erwin offers in greeting, the low timbre of his voice a welcome familiarity, like the first sip of his favorite tea, the first brush of his horse’s mane. “Are y’well?”

It’s that hiccup in his normally impeccable speech, that lack of perfect enunication, that has Levi finally noticing the half-downed glass of what is likely one of Erwin’s more high-end whiskey. It’s actually not that high end, not when compared to what those pompous slimes drink in the Captial. But for the regiment, it’s high end. Erwin has a funny habit of splurging a bit after an expedition, even after those that deal horrible consequences. He doesn’t just splurge on himself, he likes to gift his comrades as well. Maybe it’s a way to cope, a way to ease the assault of guilt battering him for what he bears responsibility of all alone. Or maybe he just likes to give. Either way, Levi has nothing to protest with - not when he receives his favorite tea, the melting away of his worries, at least temporarily.

Levi steps forward, snorting shortly as he sets the tray down on Erwin’s desk, careful to mind the paperwork. “Yeah, I’m fine. I can see you are as well.” He eyes the glass on Erwin’s desk pointedly just as Erwin slides his own eyes up to meet his gaze. 

His assumption is correct—now that he’s facing him head on, the light flush in Erwin’s cheeks is clear as day. He must be in a pleasantly tipsy state, probably on his third or fourth glass, still able to read, write, speak, but with that nice buzz keeping him from losing his mind, keeping him loose around the edges.

Erwin laughs then, on a small exhale, more of a fond noise than anything else. He lifts his glass, swirls the drink so that the ice clinks gently. “Yes, well,” his smile brightens, an effect of the whiskey, surely, “I suppose I am.”

He knocks back the rest of his glass in one long swig while Levi makes himself comfortable across from him. While he works on separating their meals, he huffs, “Slow down and put some food in your system, old man. The last thing we need is our Commander stumbling around tomorrow because he decided to get wasted all by himself like a pitiful fool.”

Erwin doesn’t listen, already reaching for the bottle from a drawer underneath his desk to top himself off. Levi would find him utterly obnoxious, if not for the way he was finally relaxed for once, a rare sight. 

“Ah,” Erwin chides once his glass has been replenished. He does not hide the bottle away again, however. Instead, he stands to cross the office, Levi watching him the entire way. Erwin returns seconds later with a second glass, and Levi can practically feel what he’s going to say before he comes out with it. “If I am stumbling around tomorrow like a pitiful fool, don’t let me do it alone. Indu–”

“Indulge with you, yeah, I got it,” Levi bites, rolling his eyes. “Predictable,” he grumbles under his breath.

He wasn’t quiet enough, Erwin laughing again as if he wasn’t just slighted. He sits again, stubbornly setting the second glass down next to Levi’s bowl of soup. He raises the bottle of whiskey in the air, then, a clear bottle with some kind of cursive writing branding it that Levi can’t quite make out.

“Please, do me the honor.” He holds Levi’s scrutinizing gaze with a kind of genuine patience that most people don’t hold when they get to know someone like Levi.

“Fine,” Levi relents with a set jaw, teeth practically baring. He would say yes to anything the infuriating man sitting across from him asked of him.

That stupidly handsome smile that lights Erwin’s face is enough to make his annoyance leave in a rush.

That’s how an hour would pass between the two of them, then two hours, engaging in effortlessly flowing conversation as they eat their food and drink from that bland whiskey they don’t have the luxury to complain about. They talk like old friends, which partly may be because they cling to each other for support after those gruesome expeditions. But, there’s a part of him, buried deep down, that knows they get on well because they are friends. It’s not for show, or some kind of coping mechanism, it is friendship.

Their meals have long been consumed now, tray haphazardly laid aside, empty bowls and utensils stacked atop it. They have moved to the couch before the fire now, Levi nursing his third glass of whiskey while Erwin has lost count of his. Levi is tipsy, he can feel it in his floaty mind, can sense it in the way his vision makes him believe every color he sees is bold and flashy, even blurred if he stares in one spot too long. The couch is plush under their shared weight, and in this unregulated state of mind, where his thoughts are loose and noiseless, he can admit that this is nice. Being with Erwin is nice, in this office, possibly the only space he has where he can let go for once, even if Erwin has to pull it out of him.

Speaking of Erwin, Levi feels an amused huff of breath bubble out of him when he takes in the current state of his Commander. He’s glistening in the heat of the fire, a sheen of sweat gloving his face, down his neck, all the way to the peek of chest Levi can catch a glimpse of. Erwin has loosened up in the time they’ve shared that evening - whether it’s from the heat of the fire getting to him or the warm buzz of the alcohol shedding his assertive demeanor layer by layer, Levi can’t say. But it has left Erwin without his coat, without his bolo tie, down to his button up, top button unfastened to present that sliver of skin Levi pretends his eyes don’t keep catching on. 

Erwin smiles, wide and childlike, unguarded and open, vulnerable to perception. He looks at Levi, his brows rising a pinch, before he bursts into another uncharacteristic chuckle, at nothing in particular, really. 

Look at him, Levi thinks to himself. The Survey Corps’ Commander, the heartless Devil of Paradis. Look at him. Giggling in delight like a schoolboy who has just seen a lewd woman for the first time in his life. What an idiot.

They are fond thoughts. Levi is fond of the bastard.

He looks so young, soft like milk, akin to something sweet and delicate. Erwin is anything but sweet and delicate, but - with the whiskey running through his veins, he’s released from his Devil persona, and what’s left is this intriguing man, who laughs too much when he’s drinking, and, oh - who apparently likes to touch while drinking too.

Erwin has scooted closer to Levi, knocking their thighs together, shared heat scorching between them. He lazily slings an elbow over the back of the couch, presses his palm to his cheek for balance as he watches Levi, fixing him with a close regard. He says nothing, eyes blinking slow and sluggish. The blue of his eyes still remains victorious, bright and on fire, the way they look during an expedition when his adrenaline is rushing and his voice carries across a field of titans. 

He’s reached the point of the evening where he is okay with this silence, comfortable silence. Well, for him, it’s comfortable. Not for Levi, shrinking with each passing second under the intensity of that unfaltering gaze, afraid of what Erwin sees, of what he may find in Levi, lurking in the shadows that dance across his feverishly heated cheeks.

“You gonna be able to function in Mitras tomorrow, grandpa? Don’t forget it’s you who secures our funding. You need to be able to use that charming mouth of yours.”

Erwin lifts his glass to eye-level, gives the melting ice a quick shake. Then he grins at Levi, sweeping his eyes up and down Levi’s frame. “Charming mouth of mine? Please, tell me more about that.”

Levi rolls his eyes, focusing his gaze forward at the licking flames as he tips his glass back for a small sip. He sighs through parted lips, doesn’t have it in him to counter with a fiery gripe he can normally shoot off with rapid speed. He considers trying to talk numbers with Erwin; he’s gotten better at it, studying figures, trying to make sense of what goes where. He’s become adequate enough that Erwin trusts him with them, trusts that Levi can handle them. But, Erwin is drunk enough that he probably can’t tell his left shoe from his right, and Levi isn’t faring much better. So, he keeps the conversation traveling upwards instead.

“Yeah, charming mouth,” he answers flatly. “Use it. Keep those snobby women satisfied. Make ‘em feel real important, they love that.”

“Are they snobby?” Erwin asks, amused.

That makes Levi turn away from the fire, giving Erwin an exasperated glare to make his point. “Yes, they-” He feels Erwin’s index finger and thumb slip through a tuft of his hair, petting it, absentmindedly, ticklish when they brush against his neck, “- they are snobs. Self-serving, arrogant, inauthentic snobs. Every one of them.”

Erwin’s eyes are half-lidded and his bottom lip gleams with a drop of whiskey that didn’t quite make it into his mouth. Levi can’t look away from it. Erwin’s eyes stay on the strand of Levi’s hair in his fingers when he responds, “They can’t be all that self-serving if they’re serving us, right? You and me. The Corps.”

He tucks the strand behind Levi’s ear with a surprising precision, hardly a waver in his hand. He really can hold his alcohol better than Levi’s always believed. “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s self-serving because it gets you in their bed. You think they’d give a cent if you didn’t have a good time to show them for it?”

Erwin clicks his tongue and makes a sound of false disapprovement. “You say it like these women are paying me for sex. Do you think so low of me?”

Levi didn’t mean it like that. He’d also rather not discuss something like transactional sex, Erwin wouldn’t get it. “I didn’t say that. I just mean - well, they certainly are eager to throw their money at us as long as it means that they can have you, huh?”

His voice is tinged in something bitter, and it isn’t just the whiskey. He pinches the bridge of his nose between two fingers and he twitches when the warm breath of Erwin wafts by the shell of his ear. Erwin’s hand gently cards through the length of Levi’s hair, at the back. Levi stares down at his lap, guilt rising to the surface. He didn’t mean for this to become an interrogation, but Erwin doesn’t seem to mind, or maybe he does, but the alcohol makes him let the comment slide.

“Levi,” Erwin begins, his voice deep and thick and raspy, his large hand practically cupping the back of Levi’s head now, his nose only inches from knocking against Levi’s cheek - such a touchy drunk. “Contrary to what you seem to so vehemently believe, I must admit it isn’t like that at all.”

“Bullshit,” Levi claps back, upper lip curling, on the brink of clicking his tongue, before he stops himself. Instead, he decides to humor the loose-lipped bastard. “What is it like, then? It’s not just rabid sex, it’s making love?”

Erwin snorts at that. He’s much more open to Levi’s crass humor when they’re like this, when he doesn’t have to keep up the sharp air of professionalism. Peripherally, Levi can see the outer edges of Erwin’s eyes crinkle just a touch, just enough to guarantee he really is in a relaxed state of mind. “No,” he answers. “Nothing of the sort occurs.”

“No sex at all?”

“Not with them, no.”

“Tch.”

Levi finally turns to look Erwin in the eye, furthering himself away enough that their noses do not knock. Erwin does speak honestly, Levi knows when he is telling half-truths, when he’s covering up an ugly truth. 

“But you’ve had offers,” Levi states, doesn’t question, he states it as a fact.

“Yes,” Erwin says simply without breaking eye contact. “I’ve been propositioned a great number of times.”

Levi shifts on the couch, leans his head back against the nestled warmth of Erwin’s hand. “Oh, and none of them have managed to capture the eye of the great Erwin Smith?” he mocks, voice dripping with cruel sarcasm.

Erwin’s thumb follows its own pattern through Levi’s hair, lightly scratching back and forth. Levi’s next blink is heavier than the last. “Weren’t they self-serving a mere moment ago? Now you’re defending them? What are you saying, Levi?”

“I’m saying you’re full of yourself,” Levi mumbles, swallowing thickly to collect the moisture back in his throat.

He glances through the side of his eyes to take in Erwin’s response. As he expected, Erwin takes his insults in stride, even seems to relish in the comments, smile never leaving his face. “I prefer confident. Wouldn’t you want your Commander to be confident in his abilities?”

Levi ignores him. He straightens on the couch, spine going still as he scoots to the edge, leaving Erwin’s curious hand empty. “Sure,” he answers without conviction. “Then, I guess you’d better get used to your own hand at night. All those long nights and high stress, you have to relieve it somehow, don’t you?” 

Even if it’s not with those rich women in the Capital, Erwin has casual sex. Maybe infrequently, but he does. Levi can recognize it in the way he’s much less rigid the morning following what must’ve been a pleasant hookup. But, Levi isn’t going to bother with the details. He considers standing, stretching his arms behind his back before calling it a night, but Erwin seems to have other plans.

“And what about you, Levi?”

“What about me?” Levi accuses, twisting back to glare at Erwin, who continues sprawling himself on the couch with no intention of moving.

“Do you - relieve yourself? Y’know, do you lay with anyone?” he vaguely waves a hand around in the air. 

Levi narrows his eyes. “You need me to kill titans. Who sticks their what into me has nothing to do with that, so—”

“Ah, so you like to receive?”

Levi snaps his jaw shut, glaring with all his might. “You’re disgusting.”

He stays put, wonders what Erwin will have to say to that. From this angle, the shadows blanketing Erwin’s face cast something almost ominous between them. Something dark and primal. Over a loud crackle from the fire, Erwin sucks his teeth and then murmurs, “Apologies, Levi. I didn’t mean to offend. I’m only curious, same as you’re curious about me.”

Levi exhales through his nose, then he takes Erwin’s empty glass from his loose grip, deciding for both of them that they’ve done enough drinking for the night. He sets both glasses on the low-end table in front of the couch. Then, he collapses back against the couch, crossing his arms tightly around him in the process. He’s still in his full uniform, complete with his coat, he doesn’t run warm the way Erwin does after just a few drinks. Erwin’s hand returns to Levi’s hair again, this time pinching strands between his fingers, before letting them drop, only to do it all over again with another.

“I don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Erwin asks, mouth near Levi’s ear again. 

“Lay with anyone,” he quotes Erwin’s ridiculous choice of words.

Now free of holding a whiskey glass, he folds his hands together over his midsection, fingers carding together. He stretches his legs out in front of him and sinks further back, allowing his drunk friend to massage the crown of his head, light repetitive presses to his scalp that do nothing but diminish his attempts at aggression with Erwin.

“Ah. No casual attachments at the moment?”

“Ever.”

Erwin’s fingers falter in his hair. A beat later, they continue their methodical movement. “Surely, there has been someone. I have a difficult time believing otherwise.”

Levi shrugs noncommitedly. “Believe whatever you want. I don’t partake. Never have. Probably never will.”

He really isn’t ashamed to say this aloud. Sex isn’t something he dwells on. It’s a filthy act. Sure, he doesn’t go around announcing he’s an over thirty-year old virgin, but he can’t imagine Erwin would laugh in his face at the news, either. 

Erwin is silent for a moment, like he’s still trying to decipher some hidden meaning under Levi’s words. “So, you haven’t - you’ve never, not once? Not even—”

“I’ve never had sex. I’ve never touched anyone. I’ve never been touched by another. And maybe once in a blue moon, I touch myself. That’s all. Satisfied?” 

Levi watches the dying embers in the grate as a deathly silence washes over them. Erwin’s hand has frozen in his hair, tense and unfeeling. Levi can practically hear the wheels turning in Erwin’s head.

“It’s just - it’s never interested me,” he adds quietly.

He fans out his fingers to examine his nails, considers trimming them in the next few days. He feels smaller than ever before under Erwin’s stare, his eyes near burning into the side of Levi’s face. He hopes it doesn’t show.

Finally, Erwin whispers, “Well, that’s a shame.”

“Why is that?” Levi snaps, rolling his head to the side, still fitted in the mitt of Erwin’s palm. 

They meet eyes and Levi is struck speechless by Erwin’s expression - lips parted, hooded blue eyes dark and stormy. His heavy brows hang low, ticked down in the middle, like he’s angry, or attempting to intimidate, or his mind is simply whirring while thinking of the best answer to Levi’s question. 

“Has anyone ever told you how pretty you are, Levi?” he decides on.

What a strange question. Levi thinks to tell him as much.

“What a strange question.”

“I’m serious,” Erwin says, using his free hand to run the backs of his fingers along the sharp jut of Levi’s cheek, then using his index finger and thumb to give the apple of his cheek a light pinch. “You are very pretty, Levi.”

Erwin’s fingers run along his jaw. “Such a pretty face. Pretty eyes. Pretty mouth. Pretty nose.”

His eyes dart all over Levi’s face, up and down, side to side, as if soaking in every detail there is, as if he’s seeing Levi for the very first time and he’s trying to commit him to memory. 

Levi sits still, letting him look his fill, blinking slow at him, lashes fluttering against his cheeks every time Erwin caresses a different area of his face. 

Then Erwin moves closer and the end of his nose rams into Levi’s cheek. Undettered, he presses in even further, mumbling against Levi’s cheek, “You even smell pretty, Levi. Did you know that?”

“N-no.”

Levi hates how uncertain he sounds, how he sounds as if he’s seeking validation, how he wants to know. It’s because it’s Erwin. Everything has always been different with Erwin. Erwin has always been different from the others in his life. Only Erwin could make him feel this way, make him sit here and allow himself these compliments, allow himself to be showered in pretty attention.

Erwin drags his nose up Levi’s neck, inhaling deeply the entire way. Levi’s lips involuntarily part, and his eyes flutter shut. 

“You always smell so nice, so clean,” Erwin breathes, continuing his path towards the column of Levi’s throat. “So pretty, Levi.”

Levi’s head drops back further, exposing more of his neck, and Erwin greedily inhales the new patch of pale skin revealed. Erwin’s knees knock against his own, and he crowds Levi, nearly bracketing his smaller frame into the couch. One of Erwin’s hands drops down to grip tightly at Levi’s hip - and that’s when Levi feels it.

The hard bulge pressed against his thigh. This new sensation snaps him back to attention, lifting his head to find the source of the unfamiiliar feeling. Erwin’s hard cock fights against his pants, pointed into Levi’s leg, warm and heavy. Erwin himself either has no idea or he chooses to ignore it, his lips coming up to Levi’s ear to curl into a smile and whisper, “I find myself thinking of you quite fondly, Levi.” 

Levi’s head is spinning, and he’s surrounded by so much Erwin, and he feels a burning heat pool low in his gut, and he can feel a tightening in his groin, and he can’t help it but he - 

He gasps through his open lips.

“Erwin,” he breathes helplessly, before his lagging brain finally catches up to his mouth. 

He freezes and he half expects Erwin to freeze as well, for Erwin to recoil in horror when he realizes what they’re doing, what he’s doing, and who he’s doing it with.

However, Erwin doesn’t freeze, or shove himself off of Levi. Instead, he pulls back just enough for their noses to be a breath apart, practically puffing into each other’s mouths. Erwin’s eyes are predatory, animalistic and unhinged - he watches Levi like he wants to devour him, but he’s drunk.

Levi pushes Erwin, and in the Commander’s drunken state, he flops easily to the side. Levi makes for a quick escape, rushing off the couch and towards the door. Erwin blinks rapidly like he’s been stunned and he’s trying to come back to himself. With a wobbly palm placed on the door, Levi brings his eyes back once more. Erwin is groggy, peeling himself from the couch, brows scrunched. He looks up and their eyes meet.

“Levi,” Erwin calls. 

His golden locks are mussed, and his clothes are disheveled, such a contrary sight from the Erwin Smith by day. He looks half-apologetic, worry and regret mixing together in those blue eyes. 

Ah, yes. Of couse. Regret. 

“It’s late,” Levi states. He sniffs once and refuses to look at Erwin’s hard cock still stiff in his pants. Levi is half hard himself, but the thick fabric of his coat manages to save him from exposure. “I’m going to bed. You should too.”

He doesn’t wait for a response. He exits the room with a mumbled, “Goodnight, Erwin,” and hurries to his private quarters without another glance back.

Stupid. So stupid. How could he have gotten away from himself like that? How could he be weakened to such a state, gasping like some schoolboy just because he was in close proximity with Erwin? Erwin. Erwin. How could the touch of Erwin feel so good?

Erwin won’t remember this in the morning. Even if he did, he wouldn’t act on it. He can’t, Levi knows this. Best to forget it ever happened.

Levi was not lying when he told Erwin he rarely touches himself. He knows men love it - Furlan once said sometimes he would jerk off up to three times a day. Levi doesn’t see the need for it, and he doesn’t get much pleasure out of it, either. It’s dirty. Still, when the stress has reached a peak, he will indulge, if only to relieve himself.

That night, he does indulge. And when he comes to the mental image of hazy blue eyes, to the memory of wet lips grazing his flushed skin in front of a watchful fire, he finally understands what it’s like to gain pleasure from this.

He also understands he’s just crossed a line he can’t ever come back from.

Levi spends the next day avoiding Erwin. It’s not very hard, and it doesn’t automatically seem as though avoiding is his intention - he’s got a job, he’s busy, there is normalcy in not running into each other at a constant rate. So, he simply goes about his day the way he normally would - he runs training regiments, he attends a handful of meetings, he cleans, he looks after his horse, he scans a handful of forms, he practices his reading, he writes and sends off a letter.

He keeps his head down, and he ensures he takes different routes that won’t have him cross paths with Erwin, and during the meetings, he keeps to himself and he slips out at the end before anyone else has the chance. Erwin is absent that evening, flouncing around at an event in Mitras, and while the thought of him surrounded by all of those insignificant leeches leaves Levi with a dull ache in his chest, he’s still grateful for the chance to catch his breath. He takes an early night, retiring to his quarters roughly two hours before he normally would. He hopes to sleep, to take his mind off of the previous night’s events, to take his mind off of Erwin altogether, but his mind races unforgivingly.

Eventually, he departs from his bed with an exhausted huff, tossing the covers aside with as much aggression as he can manage in his foggy state. Normally, he’d go to Erwin’s office - the blondie is always up late. Tonight, that isn’t an option.

He goes to the only other spot where he can feel some semblance of peace with himself. He greets his horse softly when he enters the stables moments later, allows himself a smile when she instantly stirrs in delight at the sight of him. He presents his palm to her - a crisp apple he hoarded that afternoon from the mess hall, sits nice and pretty, ready to be devoured. She crunches on it happily without a second’s pass.

“Don’t make a mess,” he chides fondly, running a hand down her coarse mane. 

He resigns himself to keeping as busy as his mind, spending the next while in the stables - mucking, disinfecting, all while he keeps the entrance doors wide open to let the space air out. He’s not sure how long he’s there; could be an hour, could be two. The sky is starless and he pants in small breaths by the time he’s bidding his horse a good night and heading back towards his room. It’s dark without the tranquil starlight, but he relies on the silvery tinge of moonlight from above and the glow of the oil lamp clutched in his hand to guide him. 

His boots scuff against gravel as he walks and the nighttime ambience fills his ears, his nose, his mind. It’s peaceful at this time of night, though it’s not long before a heavy sense of longing falls over him like a veil; memories of stargazing on a rooftop with Isabel and Furlan flash in his head. Feels like a lifetime ago. 

Then, like it’s second nature, his guard comes up, like he’s just sensed the presence of a vicious titan. There is no looming titan, of course, but even after a close scan of his surroundings,  the sinking feeling that he’s being watched has still not been quelled. Then he looks up, and - ah, Erwin has returned from Mitras.

Levi stares up at Erwin’s office window. Every window on either side of his office is dark, lights out. Surely, everyone has retired to bed by this hour. Everyone but Levi, and - and Erwin, apparently. Dim lighting spills through Erwin’s office window, faint enough that Levi missed it at first glance - he must have just one oil lamp lit, enough to brighten his desk. The curtains, usually drawn at this time, are pulled open just a smidge. 

And there he stands, Erwin. He watches Levi through his window, chin angled down, mouth pulled tight, brows sloped down. He looks handsome, his golden locks properly slicked, unlike the previous night when they were sticking up every which way in the firelight. He’s still dressed up in one of his many pressed suits, fit to perfection on his broad shoulders, the rippling muscles of his arms, his chest. He pinches a cigarette between his index finger and middle finger and he watches Levi, and Levi watches back. Erwin slowly lifts the cigarette to his lips and without breaking eye contact, he inhales a slow drag, and a beat later, a cloud of smoke puffs out from his lips and obscures his face, blurring it until it’s one with the lamplight highlighting his silhouette. 

By the time the smoke clears, Levi is gone.

He is sweaty and disgusting by the time he returns to his quarters, and he smells of the stables. He takes a second bath, and when he’s lathering his tired body with a soap that smells faintly of rosemary, his mind drifts back to Erwin in the window. He wonders if Erwin remembers more about last night than he assumed he would. Levi imagines that greedy look he saw in Erwin’s eyes tonight, and with a shudder, he realizes it was the exact same look as last night. He doesn’t know what that says about Erwin. And as he begins touching himself in the bath, coming only minutes later with a breathy Erwin stifled in the back of his throat, he’s not sure what it says about himself either.

It happens again the following day. 

Levi avoids Erwin, but he feels it - that gaze locked on him. 

He runs ODM practices with the cadets, and on the tail end, just as his final words to them are perched on the tip of his tongue, he feels a set of eyes on his back. The hairs on the back of his neck prick like a cat’s and he whips his head around, expecting to find that blonde bastard who won’t leave his mind no matter how much avoidance he attempts. Erwin is not in immediate sight, but he’s nearby - possibly on the other side of a window again. Levi is almost convinced to break the avoidance just to call him out for the creeper behavior, but he doesn’t. Instead of sticking around to find those watchful eyes, he leaves.

Late afternoon, he’s guiding his horse to the stables. He rests a palm on her side while they amble along, and once he is sure no one is within hearing distance, he chides her softly like he did the previous night, voices a few playful jabs at her expense. He chuckles to himself when she snorts an exhale through her nostrils and nods her head up and down.

“You talkin’ back to me now?” He scoffs.

The sun beats down on them, but it’s a pleasant warmth, grounds him, keeps him on top of his game. Once he’s gotten her safely tucked into her stall, he leaves her with a few parting words. Then he turns to exit, but his next breath comes as a stuttered gasp, and he freezes in place. 

Erwin stands at the entryway, silent, yet, self assured, in that confident way he always carries himself. The sun shines on him from behind, and he looks statuesque, like something out of those books you’d find full of ethereal art in history -  timeless and classic.

Watching him then, Levi doesn’t deny how he feels. He can’t. Erwin is something special, the kind of man only a lucky few in this world are granted the honor of meeting. 

He gulps on a dry throat, and they step forward at the same time.

“Levi,” Erwin greets politely. 

“Erwin,” Levi replies. He holds back a wince - he doesn’t sound so thrilled.

Erwin doesn’t seem to take offense, however. Instead, he opens his mouth like he means to speak, but when no words rise to the surface, his eyes waver and then sweep down to the ground beneath them. “I - well. I wanted to–”

He pauses again.

Levi jerks his chin forward and up, patience already thinning. “You wanted to what? Spit it out, Smith.”

Erwin’s lips twitch in an almost-smile, at least he’s still got a sense of humor. Finally, his blue eyes fix on Levi again, and Levi nods once in an effort to make him continue, subtle but perciptible to Erwin. Always perceptible to Erwin.

Erwin does not finish what he started before. He watches Levi, and Levi watches back, his chin jutting forward, pinching his lips, waiting. Then, Erwin lifts a heavy hand, and he places it on the width of Levi’s shoulder. It weighs infinitely, it weighs nothing at all, familiar and branding. Levi feels his hands twitch, dangling uselessly by his sides, they itch to do something, to reach out, to touch, to hide away - because there’s no possible way his own touch could feel like Erwin’s. There’s no way it can hold the same weight, mean the same meaning. His hands will always be cut for aggression, for flailing without a blade, for uncertain taking, for cruel punishment, for greedy, selfish—

“Levi,” Erwin repeats his name, as heavy as his hand on his shoulder, and Levi could sink under his own name, when uttered by those dangerous lips, lips as deadly as sin, as wrathful as revenge, as intoxicating as - as—

Erwin’s hand moves, it slides, it curves, it cups, it feels, down Levi’s tense arm, back up. It caresses his neck, thumb to his racing pulse, and just like two nights ago, Levi lets him. He lets Erwin do whatever he wants, he always has, and pride be damned, he always will. Levi swore to that the day he chose to follow Erwin Smith.

Erwin’s hand settles on Levi’s cheek, his thumb now etching across his lower lip. Levi’s lips part involuntarily, he thinks it might be because he gasps, or simply inhales, but he doesn’t know for sure, blood in his ears louder than any other noise surrounding him. Erwin takes a step closer, and he’s craning his neck down, and their breaths mingle, and they’re in the stables of all places. 

Erwin’s thumbnail grazes along the plump of Levi’s lower lip, and when he nips at it slightly, pulls at it like a hook, Levi lifts his hands, lest he fall to the ground, boneless and done through. He settles them, shaking, on Erwin’s biceps, nails cutting in through the sleeves of his jacket. From a distance, they must look mad, Captain of the Survey Corps holding on to the arms of the Commander - Levi wonders, briefly, do they look like they’re in a scuffle, or do they look like they’re wrapped up in an embrace? 

Then Erwin presses even closer, and it’s so foolish of them, out in the open like this, in broad daylight, not a single closed door in sight to cloak them in secrecy.

Shameless man, Levi thinks. Shameless, wicked, stupid man. And yet, I want, I want, I want it all—

“Erwin,” he breathes, feels the way the pad of Erwin’s thumb moves with the motion of his lips, like there’s an unspoken sync between them. 

It’s like everything has come to a head, roughly thirty six hours of this, this monster between them, growing - fast, so fast, yet so slow, like it has been extending the way a budding flower would, slow and steady, expected to bloom, to be taken with gratitude.

One of his hands drops to Erwin’s heart, feeling for the beat, to see if it’s racing like his own. He presses his palm down, then he balls his hand into a fist, his fingers scrunching the shirt - such a crisp-cut shirt, now crumpling in his hand. Levi watches the fabric twist and curl, then finally, he tips his head back to regard Erwin once more, his free hand still grasping at the Commander’s sleeve. 

Erwin keeps his hand pillowed on Levi’s cheek, while the other comes up to place lightly on the incline of his hip, and it’s such a reminder of that night on the couch, that it comes as a shock, and Levi gasps, and Erwin’s eyes shine like cracked shards of glass in response, palpable pleasure reflecting in those ominous pupils—

“Erwin! You in here?”

Levi jumps backwards, but Erwin doesn’t. 

Erwin lowers his hands and he turns around professionally, like he’s preparing a speech at one of those boring meetings Levi fights sleep during. Levi already knows who’s entering by the time Hanji’s tousled updo is poking past the doorway, spectacled eyes brimming with excitement. 

“What is it, Hanji?” Erwin is back in Commander mode, voice cool and leveled. 

“I wanted to go over my latest findings with you,” Hanji explains, using a finger to jab their glasses up their nose. Their energetic eyes land on Levi, “Oh, Levi! Do you wanna hear them, too? Real exciting stuff here!” 

“No,” Levi scowls.

“Hanji, if you would just give me another moment alone with Levi,” Erwin requests, politely, with just a touch of assertiveness to let them know it’s not truly a request, it’s a command.

Hanji must note this change in his voice as well because they nod once, eyes darting back and forth between the two men, as if trying to pull their darkest secrets directly from their core. “I’ll be outside.”

Once Hanji is gone, Erwin quickly turns to face Levi, and he speaks in a rush, finally finding what he meant to say ever since he joined him in the stables. “I would like you to come to my office tonight at dinner.”

He still speaks in that professional way, not as Erwin but as the Commander. Levi decides he will speak to him as his Captain, if that’s what he wishes. “Is that an order?”

Say yes. Tell me it’s an order and I’ll be there. Make me come to your office. Order me and then I’ll know. 

“Well, no, I suppose it isn’t. I would like it if you came,” Erwin answers.

“Right.”

Levi feels thorny, so he leaves. Erwin lets him go.

“He’s all yours, four eyes,” Levi mumbles when he catches Hanji outside, no doubt making an attempt at listening in on the conversation. 

He doesn’t go to Erwin’s office that evening. 

He falls asleep shortly after the strike of midnight, his mind too heavy with endless exhaustion and pent up aggression to do anything else. 

It’s halfway through the night when he wakes, even more frustrated than he was when he fell asleep. It’s ten minutes after that when he shoves his hand in his pants to relieve the pressure wading down below. He gnaws at the back of his free hand to suppress the moans trying to punch through, hips twitching off the mattress as he jerks himself to blissful completion. He comes with a bursting moan hidden into his pillow, with that bastard’s face in his mind, draped in sunlight as he stood at the entryway of the stables earlier that day. 

The bliss only lasts so long. He can’t keep doing this. He swallows something bitter down, something vile, a lump in his throat that just keeps on growing. 

He scrubs his skin raw, tense and apprehensive all the way through.

He can’t keep doing this.

He falls asleep again shortly after.

It’s the following evening at dinner when it happens.

He’s in the mess hall - he picks at his food, swirls the lukewarm soup in his bowl around with a noncommited air. It's been a dreadful day, from sunrise to now. 

Really, it’s himself who has been dreadful, with the help of no one else. He rose from bed angry, and he’s taken it out on everyone and everything around him - nasty and unpleasant right from the start. 

Even now, he sits across from Hanji as he eats, who chatters endlessly about this and that, and he offers nothing but glum prattle and thinly concealed indignation. Hanji uses their hands a lot when they get going off a tangent, and Levi is just about to reprimand them about how much they’re waving their filthy hands around, about how particles of dirt could fly off and land in their food - when Hanji suddenly goes quiet. 

There’s a static hush surrounding them now that Levi takes notice. It’s not like everyone silences, more like they stifle bits and pieces of their conversations. Levi follows Hanji’s eyes, turning to look over his shoulder to see Erwin approaching their table with a steady beat in his steps, stoney eyes right on Levi. That explains why Hanji, why the entire mess hall, quieted down - no one can let the precious Commander hear anything too scandalous. 

“Erwin,” Hanji greets warmly, a maddening grin stretching their lips. “You rarely eat with us, no fancy banquet to attend tonight?”

Erwin stops behind Levi, leaving a respectable distance between them. 

Levi grits his teeth - just when he thought he’d had at least a successful day of avoiding Erwin.

“No banquet tonight,” Erwin confirms with a note of humor, and it’s that featherlight tone in his voice that has the mess hall breathing a sigh of relief, everyone continuing on with their mindless chit chat now that they know Erwin means no business.

“Well, come on! Sit down with us,” Hanji gestures at the empty space next to them, even going as far as dusting it in a few pats with one of their hands. Filthy hands. “I’ll have Moblit bring you dinner–”

“That won’t be necessary,” Erwin cuts in smoothly. “I only mean to stop briefly.”

Then, Erwin angles his head down and his gaze lands heavy on Levi’s nape. 

“Levi,” Erwin says. 

Levi turns to look up at him - he has to crane his neck so hard it almost hurts. He raises a brow in a silent go ahead. “Come to my office once you’ve finished your food, please,” Erwin requests. 

Just a request. 

Then, “That’s an order.”

Cornering Levi when he’s got nowhere to run, that’s Erwin’s genius solution - ordering him around in front of the others after he could hardly get more than two words out the previous day when they were alone.

Bastard.

“Okay,” he responds, final. He hopes Erwin can read the scowl he wears.

Erwin’s face does not give anything away. He nods once, before he gives Hanji a quiet Good evening, and then leaves without a trace, like he was never really there at all.

It doesn’t take long for Hanji to start up again, something about titans and investigations and unique abilities.

Levi’s appetite does not return for the rest of dinner.

He enters Erwin’s office approximately an hour later. 

He doesn’t bother with appearances - he’s removed his ODM gear and his cravat, left them draped across his bed in his quarters. The rest of his uniform is as it should be, snuggly fit on his form as always. His coat strains when he crosses his arms once he’s closed the door behind him.

Erwin stands at the far window, back to Levi. He has one hand folded behind his back, fingers curled into a ball. The other hand balances a book in his open palm, and he reads from it. Levi has no idea what the title is, but he can’t imagine he’d find it all that interesting, anyway. 

“Levi,” Erwin greets without turning. “Thank you for showing.”

“Well, it was an order,” Levi drawls, stating the obvious.

The book shuts with a snap and as Erwin eases back to the shelf - his flawlessly organized collection of books - he slides it back into its vacant slot. 

He keeps his eyes on his books, and his voice is kept low when he agrees, “That, it was.”

Levi stays rooted to the floor, back nearly pressed to the door. He doesn’t plan to stay long.

“What did you call me here for?”

The question floats into the silent, dim office. Erwin has a fire going again - maybe that’s why Levi refuses to sit. Maybe sitting will feel too familiar, too much like a night he would rather not dwell on, even if his  mind and body have been betraying him once he’s in his quarters alone.

After several long, crackling seconds, Erwin sighs heavily. “I’d like to offer an apology, Levi. For my behavior two nights ago.”

“What about your behavior two nights ago?” Levi grumbles, quick on the defense.

Erwin finally turns to face Levi, but he’s guarded - Levi can see it a mile away, the carefully constructed film over his eyes, the way he is when it’s all business. It angers Levi.

“My behavior was - it was unbecoming of me. I shouldn’t have–”

“Spare me the humble bullshit, Erwin,” Levi seethes. “What about the other night when you were watching me from your window? Yesterday in the stables? Was that unbecoming of you, too? You ordered me to your office, so wipe that stupid look off your face and tell me what it is you really wanna say.”

Levi has dropped his arms by his side, fists clenched. His chest rises and falls, teeth knocking against each other while his jaw flexes with tension. His breaths come unevenly, and his eyes squint menacingly, as if he’d ever pose a threat to Erwin’s well-being anymore. Still, he’s not happy.

“Treating me like I’m someone who needs c-coddling,” he continues, struggling to remember the correct word. He blows a stream of air through pursed lips. “You make me sick sometimes.”

Erwin remains hardly fazed - it makes sense, he’s a man who takes the blame for every death in the Corps, the only one who takes all the screaming, all the blaming, the cursing, from the loved ones of the deceased. They wish despair upon him, they tell him that he should have been the one to die. Levi’s outburst is pale in comparison to what he’s normally confronted with.

Erwin even smiles just a little, a sheepish look in his eyes. He approaches the couch and he sits, gesturing with a hand for Levi to join him.

Levi still remains where he stands, and Erwin takes the rejection respectfully, crossing a leg over the other. He relaxes an arm behind the couch while the other lays limp in his lap.

“I only apologize because I - I came onto you, two nights ago, when you admitted you had no sexual experience. I wouldn’t want you to believe I’d - take advantage of you or anything along the lines.”

“One more word about my feelings and I’ll slit your throat,” Levi growls. “I let you touch me, didn’t I? I was hardly tipsy that night, and by how much you’re able to recall, you weren’t as drunk as I thought. Stop treating it like it’s delicate.”

Erwin nods his Ok, and Levi can finally breathe a small sigh of relief now that the tense air between them has been cleared. He’s enticed to join Erwin on the couch now, his booted feet taking a handful of long strides until he’s plopping carelessly on the cushion next to the blondie.

They watch the fire together for several long minutes, a breath between their thighs, arms grazing. 

It’s warm. 

Levi begins to remove his coat, tilting forward while he slides an arm out at a time. Halfway through the second arm, Erwin says, “You told me to say what I really wanted to say.”

He holds a palm out, waiting for Levi’s coat. Levi hands it over and Erwin is smooth in standing up and rounding the couch, carefully placing it on the back of a chair in front of his desk. He knows how picky and precisely Levi treats his personal belongings. 

“I did,” Levi affirms.

Behind him, Levi can hear the sound of more fabric rustling - the sound of Erwin removing his own coat. 

“I’ve been giving what you said that night some thought,” Erwin begins, dropping his shed coat on his desk. There’s more sound, leather straining and buckles unclasping, no doubt removing his ODM gear.

Levi keeps his eyes on the fire. “What part? The part about you fucking the women in Mitras, or the part about me being as virginal as a teen boy?”

A soft exhale reveals a small laugh from Erwin. “The latter.”

Levi is glad Erwin is behind him, because he can feel his face flush at the admission, so simply slipped from Erwin’s lips like he’s discussing a light rain outside. 

“And what about that’s got you so curious?” Levi asks lowly. He tries to say it in that accusatory way he’s so good at using with Erwin, but the light tremor may have given the truth away - how badly he wishes to hear why exactly Erwin has been thinking about his virginal status.

“Is that an intentional choice? Truly, intentional?”

“I told you I ain’t ever found an interest in it, didn’t I?” Levi replies. 

“Is that it, or is it just that you haven’t found someone you’d like to engage in sex with?”

“You’ve sure given this a lot of thought by the sound of it. Tell me, what do you think, Erwin? What is your expert opinion?”

He’d rather hear Erwin talk. It’s what Erwin does best. Talk. Come up with the right words. Come up with the right answers. Come up with the things Levi can’t say himself.

There’s a small thud of gear dropping on Erwin’s desk. “My honest opinion? I believe you would find plenty of enjoyment out of it, but that you’re holding yourself back from indulging,” he answers, before continuing in a quiet manner, like he’s speaking his own thoughts aloud to himself, “Whether it’s because you think yourself undeserving or unworthy, I couldn’t say.”

Levi turns around at that, blowing a tuft of hair out of his eyes while throwing an arm around the back of the couch. “You seem to have me all figured out, Commander,” he mocks. He clicks his tongue, “Unbelievable.”

“You asked for my opinion and I gave it, Levi,” Erwin reminds him, a gentle edge in his tone that could harden to something else if Levi continues using quick quips and sarcastic remarks against him.

“Fine,” Levi settles on. “Let’s say you’re correct. What are you gonna do about it? You gonna order me to go have sex with someone and report back to you with the results?”

Erwin ignores his smart mouth, offering him a tight-lipped smile instead. “I would never force you to do anything of the sort and you know it, Levi.”

Levi does know it. 

“However,” Erwin continues. “I would suggest it. It’s quite pleasurable, you see. There’s nothing wrong with it–”

“Speaking from your excessive experience, I’m assuming,” Levi rolls his eyes.

Erwin laughs lightly at that, a charming sound. “I wouldn’t say excessive, but - well, yes. Speaking from my own experience.”

Levi squints at him, trying to read him, find the ulterior motives in this conversation topic. When he comes up with nothing in that infuriatingly unreadable face, he gives up. With a huff, he turns to face the fire again, back to Erwin. “No, thanks. I can make do with my own hand.”

He can hear Erwin’s gentle snicker from behind. “Always so self sufficient,” he teases.

“Yep,” he lets the p in the word pop. He curls his mouth cruelly in a smirk. “That’s me. Your ever so self sufficient Capt–”

Erwin has come up behind him, and he latches two fingers under Levi’s jaw to ease his head back. Levi stares at an upside version of Erwin, who stands behind the couch, looking back down at Levi. It’s like looking at an inverted version of Erwin, and he’s still handsome, even with his features out of order.

“You’ve never wondered what it’d be like to be touched, Levi? To be kissed?”

Levi has wondered. He’s wondered many times. But he’s always stopped himself before the thoughts go too far - not because of the acts themselves, but because of who he imagines committing these acts with, who he’s imagined behind shut eyes these past several nights when he touches himself.

“I don’t suppose you’re offering to help out with that.”

It’s a sorry attempt at gaining back control over this slippery conversation, but he’s unsure of how in charge he is when it’s his face locked in the hand of Erwin Smith. 

Erwin uses the hold he’s got on Levi’s chin to force his head back and forth, as if denying something. “I asked you a yes or no question, Levi.”

Erwin’s free arm hangs at his side, and his thumb taps at Levi’s chin while he waits, so patient, so comfortable. His overconfidence should be nauseating, Levi knew plenty of overconfident men back in the Underground - gross, dirty, disgusting men who were much too confident in what little they truly had to offer. Overcompensating, that’s what they were doing, looking for ways to take power while really having none at all. The truth was that they were no different from Levi, but they sure as hell’d never admit that. 

Erwin is different. He’s confident because he’s got a lot to offer. But he’s not cocky - because he doesn’t have everything to offer, and he knows this. He’s humble in ways that most men could never surrender themselves to. It’s maddening, and it’s frustrating, and it’s thrilling, and it’s riveting. 

“And what if I said yes?” Levi asks, voice as sharp as glass.

“Mm,” Erwin nods understandingly, eyes leaving Levi’s to watch the floor for a beat. Then, he shrugs a shoulder. “Well, I suppose I’d offer to help, yes.”

“You? And - and me?”

Erwin’s fingers draw along the widest part of Levi’s jaw. “Only if you’d like to,” he answers, like it’s simple, like it’s an every day occurrence between them.

Levi had a feeling the conversation would go something like this, but that still doesn’t dim the surprise that must read on his face. However, if he were to say no, what is the alternative? He returns to his quarters, where he will touch himself to the thought of the same man behind him now? The very same man who has made an offer so difficult to pass up?

What could be better; the real man he trusts with his life, or fleeting images in his mind’s eye late into the night?

“Okay.”

Erwin smiles at him the way he does when he’s praising him on a job well done during an expedition, like he’s pleased, like he’s giving his stamp of approval. Levi enjoys pleasing him, enjoys gaining his approval. 

Erwin removes his hand from Levi’s face, and once he does, Levi winces over the stiff crick in his neck. He angles his head up slowly, lifting a hand to bring it around to his nape. However, Erwin gets there before him, already having rounded the couch to sit next to him again. Erwin’s palm clasps Levi’s nape, applying a light enough pressure for Levi to remain comfortable. 

His body is pointed towards Levi, and his palm squeezes gently on Levi’s nape, a silent request. Levi catches up, shifting his body to face Erwin as well, their knees bumping and their legs sliding alongside each other. 

“What would you like, Levi?” Erwin asks kindly, politely, professionally. 

Levi scoffs. “You make it sound like we’re in a work meeting.”

Erwin laughs through his nose, then directs his sparkling blue eyes directly into Levi’s own. “You’re nervous,” he blatantly speaks. He doesn’t question it, he says it as confidently as he gives orders.

And he’s right - Levi is nervous. His heart is pounding, his skin feels hot and alight, clammy to the touch, probably.

“I’m fine,” he lies.

Erwin doesn’t look convinced, but Levi keeps up the perfect pokerface he’s constructed over the years, anyway. 

“How about we start off easy?”

Erwin’s hands slide to either side of Levi’s face, cradling it with care. Levi doesn’t speak and he gives no indication that he will. He waits, small breaths puffing against the long thumbs near his lips. He wonders if Erwin can feel the heat in his cheeks, the flush rising to the surface of his skin.

Erwin moves closer then, his face so handsome in the firelight, the face of a resilient soldier. Levi stares everywhere, those blue eyes, those thick brows, those pink lips that part as they come even closer.

“Close your eyes,” Erwin whispers, and Levi does, of course he does. He will do anything, everything, for him. Always, for him. It occurs to him, then - this is going to be his first kiss. 

His first kiss will be with his friend, the Commander, Erwin Smith. He feels himself tense up - what if he has no idea how to kiss Erwin back, what if he’s terrible at it? What if Erwin doesn’t like kissing him? Would he still enjoy Levi’s company? Would he shun Levi from his office? Would he laugh at Levi’s attempts–

But then Erwin’s lips are on his and the world stops.

Warm. That’s the first word he thinks. Erwin’s lips are warm against his own, and Erwin’s hands are warm on his cheeks, and Erwin’s breath is warm. It’s dry, maybe too dry - just the subtle press of their lips, minimal breath exchanged. It’s nothing special, there’s no big aha moment that he would have expected - everyone makes such a fuss over kissing, don’t they? Then, Erwin separates from him and a soft smack sounds between their mouths, and Levi’s next breath trembles. His lips are sensitive from one dry peck alone, like every nerve ending has been shocked to life.

Erwin watches for his reaction, like he’s studying to see what Levi responds to, what may be too much, what may be not enough. Levi nods, just a little, just enough to tell him, More.

So, Erwin gives him more. His tongue peeks out, swiping at his lower lip, wetting it, so Levi mirrors his actions. This time, when Erwin presses back in, his lips are parted and damp with moisture. This is the first time Levi’s saliva has mingled with another’s, and it should be disgusting, but instead, he finds he doesn’t mind it, feels good even. Their lips slide together easier this time with the help of the combined moisture, and Erwin still leads the two of them, tilting Levi’s head further, slotting ther mouths into place like they’ve always been meant to fit this way. 

Erwin takes his time with Levi, nipping at his lips with his own, pushing, pressing, pulling. Levi can’t keep up, he has no idea what to do with his lips, so he lets himself be picked apart by Erwin, cleaved and opened up, allowing Erwin to seek out whatever he’d like. Erwin kisses him as tediously as he is when he’s creating a plan for the battlefields, like he needs to double check, triple check that he’s missed nothing. He familiarizes himself with Levi’s mouth like they’re old friends, breathing slowly through his nose so he doesn’t have to pull away, so he can keep going and keep going and keep going. When he does pull back, Levi’s eyes flutter open, panicked, wondering if he’s done something wrong. 

Erwin merely smiles in that easygoing way, pink lips gleaming with their shared saliva. Hands still bordering Levi’s cheeks, he says, “I’m going to touch my tongue to yours now, Levi. Would you like that?”

“Quit asking and just do it–”

Erwin makes a small sound of disapproval, tapping Levi’s cheek twice with an index finger. “Yes or no question, Levi,” he warns. “Would you like me to touch my tongue to yours, yes or no?”

The question sends heat cascading warmly down Levi’s abdomen, settling somewhere low, so low, dangerously low.

“Yes,” he hisses, rudely, prickly.

Erwin rewards him with a sweet caress high on his cheekbone. “Good,” he smiles. “Very good. Thank you, Levi. Open your mouth for me, please.”

I open my mouth so his tongue can touch mine, Levi realizes, a delayed thought. He does what Erwin asks of him, lips parting, enough for Erwin to fit a finger inside, and if he wanted to, maybe even two. Levi’s tongue rests atop his bottom row of teeth, waiting, anticipating. 

And if he thought kissing so far hasn’t been all that memorable, he clearly had no idea what he was thinking, because the first prod of Erwin’s tongue in his mouth, meeting his own tongue, has him gasping in the hollow space between their open mouths. It’s shocking, to have a tongue in his mouth. He’s seen this type of kissing before, of course he has - he’s seen much more than just kissing. He’s seen it all, but that still didn’t make him any more prepared for his own experiences, doing little more than trying his best to copy exactly what Erwin does. He finds a rhythm, slowly but surely - when Erwin’s tongue flicks against his own, he presses forward with his own tongue so that they can slide alongside each other’s. When Erwin’s tongue leaves his mouth, he presses their lips together, lets them smack and smoosh, before opening his mouth all over again when Erwin’s tongue swipes at his lips again. 

Levi doesn’t realize how irresistible it is until Erwin is once again pulling back. This time, Levi chases him, nearly topples forward in his haste to taste more, to have more. His hands finally move, too - grabbing, no, yanking on Erwin’s shirt, crinkling it in his tight fists, feeling it begin to untuck from the waistband of his uniform pants. 

He doesn’t let Erwin get far, crashing their lips together again, but this time, he tries his best to lead it. This time, he leads with his own tongue - but it takes only a few seconds before he realizes with a crushing disappointment that he’s terrible at it. He’s too desperate, too uncoordinated, his tongue shoving into Erwin’s mouth without proper intention, teeth clinking uncomfortably, saliva dripping from his mouth unattractively.

He pulls back suddenly, cheeks flushed with humiliation. Erwin’s mouth is wrecked, dark cherry red and drenched with Levi’s saliva. His eyes are on fire, however - speaking for him where words do not, watching Levi with a quiet sort of fascination.

“Sorry,” Levi apologizes, stubbornly. He’s learned his lesson - no more attempts of his own until he’s got half a clue on what to do, until he’s got even a fraction of confidence in himself in this department.

Erwin doesn’t speak, he adjusts his hands - one coming down to clutch at the side of Levi’s flushed neck for a good grip, the other dropping low to wrap around his waist, firmly, protectively. Now, he smashes his lips against Levi’s and he devours him alive, hungrily attacking, licking into his mouth without preamble. This time, he swallows every breath Levi breathes, and he uses his tongue to trace the inside of Levi’s mouth wetly, at the backs of teeth, along the roof of his mouth, around and over his lips. He sucks at Levi’s tongue, then, and it’s so erotic, so wicked, that Levi can’t help it anymore - he moans at the contact. It’s a breathy sound, and he has no time to regret it, because Erwin is pulling him forward, pulling at his bottom lip with his teeth, urging him to, to - 

Without separating, Levi moves - he bends a leg underneath himself, balancing it on the cushion of the couch while he uses the other to swing over Erwin’s thighs, crawling into his lap until he’s straddling him. Erwin’s hands press low into his hips, holding him steady, so steady. Once Levi feels settled, he lowers himself down onto Erwin’s legs, and that’s when their clothed cocks make contact, sending a jolting shock of pleasure through Levi’s groin. His lips split from Erwin’s with a crude smack, loud amongst their panting breaths, and he drops his head back to curse a hushed, Fuck. 

“C’mere,” Erwin orders with a husky edge, pulling Levi back in to this time lap at his neck, using the pad of his tongue to drop hot licks against his unclaimed skin, pressing open-mouthed kisses to the same spots immediately after. Levi leans in until their chests are nearly touching, flashing as much of his neck to Erwin as he can, practically begging him to mark him up. And Erwin sure makes good on it, greedily sucking at slick patches of skin that Levi knows will bruise, that he knows he’ll have to cover with his cravat when they’re back to Captain and Commander.

“Erwin, I—”

“What do you need, Levi?” Erwin pants, his breath cooling his flamed skin. “Tell me what you want.”

If Erwin is this good with his mouth alone, then he must work wonders with his hands, with his cock. There’s so much, so much that Levi wants. So much that it feels wrong to ask for it all. Erwin does so much, gives so much, handles so much, every day of his life - how can he be here, holding Levi in his lap, offering whatever he wants? In just an auditory request, Erwin will listen. Levi decides that if this is the night they’ll give themselves to each other like this, then he will use it for every ounce of its worth.

“I - you offered to - to touch me.”

Erwin smiles at that. “I did, yes,” he splays a hand across the small of Levi’s back, pinky grazing just inside his pants, ghosting across the top of his ass, as if to tease, to remind him of what’s to come if Levi just says it. So, he does.

“I want you to. Want you to touch me.”

Erwin inhales deeply through his nose, chest rising and falling like the ripples in the land outside the walls. “How would you like it? Would you like my hand on your cock,” he palms at Levi’s covered erection through his pants, “or would you like my fingers inside of you,” he presses his other hand at Levi’s ass and squeezes, index finger dragging along the middle seam of his pants, so that Levi knows what it’d be like to have those fingers near his - in his hole.

“I - ah, I don’t know.”

He chases after the feeling of Erwin’s hand on his erection, he falls back towards the hand on his ass, back and forth, unable to choose - until he’s grinding in Erwin’s lap, seeking touch from both sides, greedily soaking it all in, everything he can get. He’s really feeling the heat now, the flames licking behind him, plastering him in a thin layer of sweat. He braces his hands on Erwin’s shoulders, continues the motion of his hips, throwing his head back as he rocks desperately against Erwin’s erection, whining lightly.

“Look at you,” Erwin plucks his hands away, returns them a beat later, running his palms smoothly down Levi’s thighs, back up. “What a ravishing sight.”

Erwin tips his head back and lets Levi have his way in his lap, smiling, brings both palms to squeeze the flesh of Levi’s ass, knead and massage in a way that makes all his blood rush south.

“Damn it, this is, it’s–”

“Good?”

“Yeah,” Levi sighs brokenly. “It’s, nnh, it’s s’good.”

It’s so good, and it’s only so little - grinding against Erwin fully clothed like this, it’s better than any of his fantasies and yet, it’s hardly anything at all. The pressure in his gut boils, and he knows he’s going to ruin his pants, and he hates ruining his pants, but it’s good, so good, so he keeps grinding down with Erwin’s hands guiding him, over and over, until he loses himself, in a state of cresting euphoria, right on the brink, white-hot pleasure right there—

Until those large hands still his hips, squeezing so tight it’s as if they’re branding him. The pressure pauses, and Levi’s eyes snap open, glaring with all his might at the infuriating man who gazes back up at him easily, sweetly.

“What the fuck?” The tip of Levi’s nails dig into the muscular pad of Erwin’s shoulders when he squirms, tries to make him relinquish his hold, tries to seek any hot touch he can in the vice grip he’s in. 

Erwin refuses to let him move, even going as far as lounging against the couch, as if his hard cock pushed against Levi’s is no more than a slight bother - unlike Levi, who feels like he will burst any second now.

“We must work on your etiquette, Levi,” he taps his fingers one at a time along the inner curve of Levi’s hips as he chats, casual as ever. “If someone asks you a question, don’t you think it’s common courtesy to give them an answer?”

“I—” Levi’s throat croaks, so he swallows aggressively before speaking again. “What was the fucking question?”

Erwin uses one hand to unclasp Levi’s pants, and once they’re open, he turns his fingers upside down to slide beyond the band of Levi’s underwear, the tips grazing the base of his leaking cock. Levi swallows thickly, forcing a moan down, even when his cock twitches with desire. 

“I asked you if you’d like my hand on your cock, or if you’d like my fingers inside of you.”

This time, Erwin uses his other hand to push into Levi’s clothing from behind, gripping his bare ass, his fingers drawing a tempting line up and down, teasing near his eager hole without getting close enough, as if he seems to know exactly how to bring Levi to the edge without pushing him over. 

Bastard.

“I said I don’t know,” Levi gripes, letting his head hang in shame when his body continues to betray him - his hips jerk forward and back again, wanting so much, so much that he doesn’t know where to begin.

“Oh, I think you do,” Erwin counters happily. His eyes drag hungrily down Levi’s shaking form, “Look at how you’re responding to my touch. So sensitive, aren’t you?” 

He watches Levi like he’s marveling at him, and for a second, Levi believes maybe he really is pretty if he’s got someone looking at him in this way, touching him in this way. 

“In me,” he finally mumbles quietly, eyes lowered to his lap like he’s shameful for ever speaking such despicable words.

Erwin cradles his face between his hands again and he leans up, dropping a soft kiss to his forehead, somehow embarrassing Levi more than asking him to put his fingers inside him did.

“I was hoping you’d say that,” he says. He tucks a strand of hair behind Levi’s ear.

Then he stands, and he takes Levi with him, arms locked under his thighs. Levi’s calves loop around him, crossing at the ankles. 

“I can walk,” he protests, lacing his arms around Erwin’s shoulders anyway.

“I’ve got you just fine,” Erwin carries him effortlessly, doesn’t even take his eyes off him as he walks, has walked his office enough times to know how to maneuver without needing sight.

He brings Levi to the edge of his desk and lowers him until he’s sitting with Erwin crowding between his spread thighs. Erwin brings his hands up to begin unbuttoning Levi’s shirt for him, slow, methodical moves that leave Levi breathless, tightening his fingers over the end of the desk, so hard it hurts, hands cramping when the thick of the wood digs in painfully.

“Remarkable,” Erwin approves when Levi’s shirt hangs open on his shivering frame. Erwin runs his hands over the planes of Levi’s chest, dragging the shirt with them, until it just barely holds on to his shoulders. “How pretty you are, Levi.”

“Y-you’ve seen me shirtless before, Erwin,” Levi wrestles with the urge to cross his arms over himself, even though it’s the truth - they’ve seen each other shirtless more times than he can count. It’s impossible not to - wounds needing tending to underneath shirts, fleeting glimpses in the barracks, in the showers. 

Erwin continues examining him closely, smoothing his widened hands everywhere he can, and when his fingers flick over his nipples, Levi twitches, chest filling with the air he sucks in through a wanton gasp.

“Not like this,” Erwin whispers, eyes going glassy. “Wasn’t sure if it would happen. If - if it even could happen.”

Levi’s arms tremble under his unsteady weight, and then, as though they move with a mind of their own, they give out. He topples back, catching himself on his elbows. Erwin doesn’t pause, using the extra access to Levi’s body as an opportunity to grip his pants around the waist and begin pulling at them.

“Do you trust me, Levi?” He asks once he’s got the pants down to the bend of his knee. He kneels, then, onto the floor below, so that he can work Levi’s boots with steady fingers.

“I–” Levi almost rattles off a smartass reply, but by now, he finds that the fight in him is rapidly deteriorating, replaced by a hungry need for Erwin to follow through on his word. “Yes.”

Erwin smiles pleasantly and finishes off with his boots, setting them aside attentively. He rubs his palms up Levi’s calves, until he meets the dangling pants. Levi wordleslly straightens out his legs to help with the slide a little easier, and in the time it takes his chest to rise and fall once, his pants and underwear are taken from him, and he’s completely nude in front of Erwin Smith.

“My, my,” Erwin praises, eyes raking up Levi’s exposed legs, his exposed cock, flushed deep red, glistening in the firelight. He cups Levi’s erection, and Levi lets an unabashed moan slip from his lips, loud and needy, finally receiving the touch he had been searching for. Erwin, still fully clothed, presses the heel of his palm along Levi’s cock. He brackets Levi with his upper frame, his own breaths going shaky when he moves in close. “Incredible, Levi. You are a stunning man, so stunning. Your beauty should be cherished.”

Levi rolls his hips upwards in response, gnawing on his lip to keep his moans at bay - he can’t be too loud, not now.

Then, Erwin grips Levi’s legs and he lifts them high, knocking Levi off balance. Levi’s elbows give out and he lands on his back with a tiny thud. He’s now sprawled out atop Erwin’s desk, all open and inviting and vulnerable. It’s embarrassing but it’s also salacious, outrageous, and it’s the most exciting thing to ever happen to him.

Erwin uses his strong grip on Levi’s calves to pull him to the end of the desk, his ass just barely keeping from spilling off the edge. He sets Levi’s legs on either shoulder of his, still kneeling on the floor, Levi’s cock eye level with him. Levi swells, back arching off of the desk, as if to try to push his cock even closer to Erwin’s wandering hands, Erwin’s curious mouth. His open shirt pools around him on the desk, peaked nipples on full display, hardened and darkening.

“Would you open the top drawer behind you and to your left? There should be a small vial of oil I’d like you to fetch for me,” Erwin instructs. He tucks his chin into one of Levi’s legs as he waits, turning his head to drop a small kiss behind his knee.

“Of course you keep oil in here,” Levi mocks, reaching blindly back, slapping his palm around until he finally recognizes the feeling of the top drawer. He opens and without looking back, he scatters around a collection of papers and general stationary until he feels a familiar glass vial. “No wonder you’re always behind on paperwork. You’re probably in here jerking off more often than you’re working, aren’t you?”

He wraps his hand around the vial and sits up to pass it to Erwin between his parted thighs. Erwin takes it from him, and just when Levi is about to settle back onto the desk, he’s thrown another surprise when Erwin suddenly stands and towers over Levi. Erwin braces his hands on either side of Levi’s, two sets of hands gripping the desk now - and he begins pushing forward, urging Levi back. Levi goes, falling onto his back while Erwin follows, crowding him until he’s bent over Levi, supporting his own weight on one palm, allowing the other to cup Levi’s neck. Just like two nights ago, he brings his nose forward and inhales deeply, right in a heated patch of skin under Levi’s ear.

“That’s it,” Erwin whispers, mesmerized. “It’s that scent.”

“W-what scent?”

“Your scent. Your pretty scent, remember?” He inhales again, the soft locks of his hair mussing as they drag sloppilly along Levi’s neck. “It’s difficult to avoid the use of this oil in the late hours when I have such a pretty scent you’ve left with me to remember.”

Ah, so they’ve been touching themselves to the thought of each other. It’s a comfort, knowing it hasn’t been just Levi flailing on his own, knowing Erwin has been wrapped up in a similar predicament. The confirmation makes him heady with desire, hot and desperate all over again. 

“You’re a pervert,” he settles on saying, as if he isn’t guilty too. He rolls his hips up to press their erections together once more, rewarding Erwin for the admission. Erwin brings his face down lower, their noses brushing.

“Oh, Levi,” Erwin says in mock disappointment. He clicks his tongue, scraping Levi’s hair out of his eyes, gets a good look at him fully in the face. “I suppose you’re right. Perhaps, I should leave you here to redress while I seek help for these sick perversions of mine, hm? Perhaps, I should seek treatment,” he smiles, his delicious lips just inches from capture. 

He lowers a hand and lets his fingers tease the head of Levi’s cock, just a slight ring, small in his hand. It gets the reaction he must’ve been intending, Levi crying out when the throb in his cock increases. He tries to roll his hips up to fit more of Erwin’s hand, but it has pulled away. He starts to pick himself up off of Levi. “Perhaps, the church folk will be eager to help. What will they do with a filthy pervert like me, do you think?”

Levi sits up and wraps his arms around Erwin’s neck before he can get too far. He grows bold, kissing Erwin with the energy of a thousand soldiers, hot and open-mouthed and wet. He’s still not great at it, but Erwin doesn’t seem to mind, maybe even likes his inexperience, returning his kiss fervently, groaning low in his throat when Levi’s naked front presses flush against him.

“You said you’d put your - your—”

“My what?” 

“Your fingers, Erwin,” Levi hisses against his lips, tightening his hold around his neck.

“I put my fingers lots of places, you’ll have to be more specific. On pens as I write, on letters as I fold them, around my sword as I charge, around my spoon as I eat—”

“In me, asshole,” Levi spits out. He hates Erwin, he adores Erwin, he loathes Erwin, he needs Erwin.

“Ah, yes,” Erwin beams. “You’re correct, Levi.”

He eases Levi onto his back again, kissing him sweetly on the lips, on his cheek, on his throat, before disappearing down his body again, settling on his knees again as he throws Levi’s legs over his shoulders.

“I am going to open you up nice and proper with my fingers,” Erwin tells him very matter of factly. “But I’m going to need you to take deep breaths. Tensing up will only hurt. Can you relax for me, my Captain?”

He’s already working his fingers in oil, Levi can hear the audible slick noise as he coats himself. The anticipation mounds itself, planting a seed of lust, and in his dazed state, Levi breathes a muffled, “Yeah, I’ll relax.”

Erwin hums. “So agreeable like this. I should put you on my desk more often, hm?”

Levi doesn’t get a chance to reply, because Erwin is prodding at his hole with a slicked index finger, puckering the tight skin around as a soft introduction. “Breathe, Levi.”

Levi nods, inhaling slowly when that same finger enters his hole, pushing slowly, giving his body the chance to acclimate, to break him in. Such a foreign feeling, taking someone’s finger inside like this. It’s not that painful - the slide of oil makes the effort to relax that much simpler - but it’s so, so full, even just one finger. If one of Erwin’s fingers makes his insides feel this full already, he wonders what taking three of his fingers would feel like, maybe even four - he squeezes his eyes closed when he imagines what taking Erwin’s cock would feel like, wonders how stuffed full he’d be.

“So tight,” Erwin murmurs as his finger slides in further, two knuckles deep. He plunges in and out, meticulous, only gives what Levi’s stubborn walls will allow. He then uses his free hand to splay his palm deep against Levi’s belly, right over the thin trail of hair on his navel, rising and falling with every trembling breath. “We’ll work you open.”

“That a mission of yours? The next operation? To work me open?” Levi rolls his head to the side, staring down through his lashes. “You got a plan written out for this one? You - shit.”

Erwin has twisted his finger inside, a clever move to catch Levi off guard, pulling his digit out before thrusting it in faster than before. He continues this move, fucking his finger in and out until it’s an easy glide that leaves Levi’s toes curling.

“I do have a plan, yes,” Erwin answers. “Seems to be working, don’t you think?”

This time, Levi tenses - exactly what Erwin told him not to do - when a second finger is added inside. “Ah, Erwin. It’s - it’s—”

“I told you to breathe,” Erwin interrupts, crooking the added digit to make room for the intrusion.

“I’m trying, but your fingers are so fucking—”

Erwin tsks and leans forward to spit crudely on Levi’s hole, washing the additional wetness in with the oil. It helps, makes his next breath move fluidly. He figures this is the hill he must climb before it really begins to feel good, before the pleasure truly hits. “You’re opening so beautifully for me.”

He keeps at it, plunging in and out, shifting and adjusting his fingers when they’re enveloped by Levi’s walls, like he’s charting his insides, searching, claiming unmarked territory as his own. It’s not long before Levi’s hole is able to swallow two fingers just as smoothly as he was able to take one. 

“Doing so well,” Erwin whispers. “How does it feel?”

“Strange,” Levi answers honestly, for once with no cynical bite. “It’s not bad, but it’s - strange. I didn’t think mine would - would stretch like that. I thought it - I thought it might be too late for me in life.”

Erwin dots one of his feet with a tirade of kisses as he listens, drops one to each toe, to the heel, even the rock-hard bone of his ankle. “Oh, Levi,” and when Levi glances down, he catches Erwin looking back at him with such open want. “It’s not too late. I’ve got you, Captain. I’ll show you pleasure you’ve never dreamed of feeling. All you have to do is ask.”

Levi’s hole tightens at the words, his ankles crossing behind Erwin’s head to ground him. His back bows when Erwin’s fingers curl up a tick, pressing forward at the same time. His fingers hook, and he keeps them shoved there deep inside Levi, wriggles them unforgivingly, finally making that spark of pleasure slam into Levi.

Levi’s moan vibrates through his throat, a buzzy vocalization that echoes in the office. The squelching from below repeats in his ears, and his cheeks flush - because it’s his own body producing such obscene noises, and it’s him moaning just from two fingers rammed into him. 

“There we go,” Erwin adds a third finger, and this time Levi’s body blooms open faster, only needing three plunges before it's already giving way without interruption. “Go ahead, Levi. Take my fingers like you would take my cock.”

Levi does, starting off with just little rolls to meet Erwin’s deep thrusts, breath hitching each time they meet in the middle. But it’s not there yet, it’s not enough - so he sits up on his elbows, face hot all over when he angles his head down and watches Erwin’s fingers disappear inside of him, in and out, over and over again. Hands placed firmly on the desk on either side of him, he musters more strength behind his hip thrusts. He meets Erwin’s dives precisely, and the payoff is immediate - the new angle draws Erwin’s fingers in even deeper, touching something inside that makes him furious, furious that he’s held himself off of something this good for so long. 

“Fuck, Erwin,” he throws out as the two of them keep moving, Levi meeting every single thrust of Erwin’s fingers in a wet, filthy reunion of flesh on flesh. He takes the chance and catches a glimpse of Erwin below, on his knees, finger fucking him without slowing. His blue eyes are as dark as night, watching Levi reverently, lips parted while he hungrily devours every sound Levi makes, every change in his expression. 

Then Erwin stands, his knees cracking in protest. He stills his fingers, using his free hand to grab at his own clothed erection, readjusting himself in his pants before putting that same hand on Levi’s hip. 

“Turn over,” he orders, without a hint of suggestion. It’s a command as serious as one outside the Walls. So, Levi listens.

He waits for Erwin to pull his fingers out before turning over onto his belly, bending over the desk without demand. He looks over his shoulder and tilts his head, the sight of faux innocence.

“How would you like me, Sir?” He purrs knowingly, using a foot to caress upwards, dragging up Erwin’s leg behind him.

Erwin meets his gaze, brows lifting like he’s surprised at Levi’s boldness. It makes Levi’s pride rise, knowing he can surprise Erwin too - he feels the confidence build in his gut.

“Oh, you’re good,” Erwin flirts, rubbing his oiled hand across Levi’s ass cheek, gripping at it, thumbing at his loosened hole like it’s all his to do with as he pleases. “Go ahead and make yourself nice and comfortable, Captain. My pretty Captain.” 

Levi’s eyes flutter closed in satisfaction, and he places himself palms down on the desk, elbows parallel with his shoulders, arching his back just to please Erwin even further. His shirt still clings to his sweaty arms, but now, he uses it to his advantage, allowing a sleeve to slip off, spilling down his back instead, revealing more skin.

Erwin runs a hand down the patch of exposed back, using the other to bring his fingers back to their spot before - popping back into Levi’s hole like they never left. 

Levi’s forehead drops to the desk, using a supporting hand to pillow the hit. He shudders around Erwin’s fingers. “Shit.”

Erwin pummels his fingers inside Levi now, wasting no time in turning him into a drooling mess, keening and mumbling incoherent pleas and encouragements. Levi’s new position must be easier for Erwin, using his long fingers to fuck wetly in and out, pointing exactly where he knows Levi’s pleasure soars the highest. Either he has been paying very close attention to what Levi likes, or he is just gifted at this. Maybe it’s both, Levi thinks. Either way, he doesn’t want it to end, even when he receives the telling signs from his body that he is going to come any minute now.

He loses himself, fucking his own hips back, rattling the desk each time the force of Erwin’s fingers drive him forward. A bead of sweat rolls down his temple, and as if sensing it at the exact time as Levi, Erwin leans forward to press his chest to Levi’s back, using the tip of his tongue to lick the sweat clean. “Are you going to come, Levi?”

Levi nods, a line of drool leaking from his mouth, eyes going half-lidded. He whimpers at the next slam inside. Erwin kisses the back of his head, noses through the thick of his hair at the crown. The scent of Erwin is all consuming, filling Levi’s nostrils, sending him spiraling even further - sweat, mixed with a faint scent of cigarette smoke and ink, a smell so clean yet so dirty. It’s tempting to Levi all the same.

Erwin rolls his hips against Levi’s backside, lets the hard line of his cock dig into the plump of his ass. Levi throws his head back, exposing the length of his neck. Without thinking, he whips a hand back, slapping it down onto Erwin’s wrist. Erwin stills.

“Wait, wait,” Levi pants. He glances over his shoulder, and finds Erwin watching him closely, waiting. 

“Talk to me, Levi. Tell me what you want.”

Levi catches his breath, gulping down long streams of air to settle his scattered mind, to ease the throbbing in his cock. The fire still burns across the office, and the cloak of night is more apparent than ever, silence all around them, a peace that they’re rarely graced with outside of these late hours. It’s just the two of them, Erwin and Levi. Just us, Levi thinks. It’s only us that exist right now. I can ask for this. We can do this. Tonight, we can do this.

“I want you to,” he sighs, lowering his voice to a whisper. “I want you to - to fuck me.”

Erwin wraps his hands around Levi’s hips, smearing the oil along his abdominal muscles. He gives them a squeeze. “I have been, haven’t I? With my fingers. Are they no longer enough?”

Levi shakes his head, stubborn with his answers. “I want - I need more,” he turns over onto his back, laying back, opening his thighs, letting Erwin’s eyes soak in the sight of his drenched hole, open and offering. “Please.”

“Levi,” Erwin responds desperately, like it pains him, brows scrunching in the lowest part of his forehead. He places his palms at the backs of Levi’s thighs, pushes them, keeps pushing them, like he wants to test Levi’s flexibility. Levi lets a small smirk settle onto his lips - his legs move fluidly, like liquid, he can twist them and bend them in ways he’s sure would shock Erwin. Now, with Levi nearly bent in half, Erwin gives a slow shake of his head, eyes going foggy. “How has no one taken you before? Look at you, Levi.”

Levi tries to hide the flush that takes over, turning his face into the shoulder of his shirt. He wants to tell Erwin to shut his mouth, but he’s never been admired this way before, never even entertained the idea. He doesn’t pay any mind to that ridiculous stuff, being wanted, being admired. He kills titans. That’s what he does. Nothing else matters. But - Erwin here, looking at him like he is something worth looking at, touching him like he really wants to, not because he has to - it drives Levi crazy, makes him close his eyes and try to shut it out, because if he allows himself this, he will get swept up in it, and what good can come of it? What good can come of this longing, this desire for something unattainable?

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he mumbles. “I don’t,” he licks over his upper lip, a quick swipe to hide the nerves. “It’s not like that for me and you know that.”

“Oh, Levi,” Erwin sighs wistfully. He hovers over Levi now, cupping his face between his hands, keeping their eyes met while he says, “How can you think that way? Surely, you must be aware. You must be aware of the way you turn heads.”

Levi tries shaking his head furiously, ready to protest, because that is not the truth - but he can’t, trapped between Erwin’s hands. So he settles for pinching his brows, twisting his face into a grimace. Secretly, deep down, he thinks that he just might not care if that was the truth - because there’s only ever been one - one person. One man.

“Yet, I’m unclaimed,” he uses a palm to push roughly at Erwin’s chest, watching as he stumbles back a step or two before catching himself. Levi holds his own thighs up and open, pulling them to remind Erwin of what they can do. “Are you going to be the first to take me?”

He can practically see the way Erwin’s mouth goes dry at the question, blinking twice like he’s questioning if the sight in front of him is real or not. Levi audibly sighs in utter relief when Erwin’s hands drop to his belt. He lays his head back while he listens to the familiar sounds of clothes rustling, a belt unclinking, fabric being re-adjusted. 

This is really happening, he thinks. In this shitty Hell, surrounded by shitty titans and shitty walls, he’s losing his virginity to his Commander, to his closest friend, on a cool Autumn evening, surrounded by a licking fire and the quiet of a neat, tidy office he’s grown quite fond of. But—

“Are you sure no one is going to come barging in?” He rises up onto his elbows, eyes the door warily. It is late, but - well, there are always a few nightbirds like Erwin and himself. 

Erwin is in the middle of adding a thick amount of oil to his hand when he glances up at Levi and he smiles. Levi’s eyes fall to his exposed cock and his next breath skips in his throat, sends his pulse racing. “God, you’re fucking huge.”

Erwin coats his cock in the oil now, taking his time in truly lathering it like he’s in the bath - working his hand back and forth, tendons jutting while his fingers flex and curl. “Thank you,” is his not quite so humble response. 

Cocky bastard.

His cock is long, thick enough that it sends a faint worry circulating through Levi, making him wonder if it will even fit without some type of tear or injury. It stands fully hard, and the crown is colored a furious blood-red, while the shaft mellows into a soft pink surrounded by the pronounced veins that curve like branches, like a destination Levi wants to spend hours mapping out with - with his hand, with his mouth, his tongue - and it would be so filthy, and he would do it, anyway. Longs to do it, anyway. The coarse gathering of hair above the base is darker than Levi would expect for a blonde - deepened to a casual brown. And for a fleeting moment, Levi wishes to know what it’d feel like to take Erwin in his mouth, to gather it all, take it all down to his throat, and feel that hair against his nose. He wonders how it would smell, if it would smell clean, or if it would smell like sweat and grime and musk, the way it may when he’s just wrapped up a long day on his feet.

“Lay back, Levi,” are his next words when he steps forward, putting an end to Levi’s blatant oogling. He still wears his button up shirt, and his pants and underwear are only shoved halfway down his thighs, but he moves now with a new sense of urgency, with a newfound energy, like he can’t wait to get inside Levi, like he can’t wait to be the first to take Levi.

“Wait, I want to - can I?” Levi sits up and reaches a hand out, wrapping it around Erwin’s thick girth. He jerks Erwin slowly, purposefully, watching in awe as his hand joins in the wet mix of oil and cum. Erwin sighs, eyes falling closed while he lets Levi’s hand explore.

Then, Levi places his other hand on Erwin’s shirt, and he yanks at it, bringing Erwin forward a step or two. He opens his thighs wide for Erwin’s frame to fit between and he uses his grip on his cock to direct it towards his fluttering hole, twitching in anticipation, waiting for something thick to stuff it full. His breath holds when he feels that huge cockhead pop inside. Erwin groans quietly, placing a hand on Levi’s shoulder to urge him back. Levi finally goes, falling onto his back with no fight - he’ll let Erwin take it from there.

“Breathe,” Erwin warns again.

Levi does, but it’s difficult when Erwin presses forward just an inch more, and the sensation is so much more than his fingers, so much more intense. “Goddamn, Erwin–”

“I know,” Erwin sighs again, the pleasure evident in the back of his throat, stifled. “We’ll go slow.”

Levi nods to himself, whimpering quietly when another inch is pushed in. He talks, just to hear himself, just to do something else but focus on the overwhelming fullness overtaking every inch of his body and mind. “Y-you didn’t answer my question. No one will walk in, right?”

Erwin pauses his journey forward and he huffs a breathy laugh. “You were just allowing me to fuck you open with my fingers and now you’re worried about interruption?” His eyes shine with mirth. So handsome.

“Anyone could walk in is all I’m sayin,” Levi mumbles like an upset child, frowning. “You allow me in without knocking.”

“Yes, well. You’re not - ah,” Erwin’s breath goes heavy when his next push begins stuffing the fattest part of his cock inside. “You’re not just anyone, Levi.”

“I feel full, how the hell am I supposed to fit that whole thing inside here?” Levi ignores the warm buzz in Erwin’s voice as he refers to him as different from the rest. If Levi were more in touch with his sentimental side, he’d tell Erwin that he feels the same - that Erwin isn’t just anyone, either. He keeps it to himself - he likes to think he tells Erwin this in other ways, anyway.

“Besides,” Erwin continues, “I think anyone parading down these halls this late will understand I’m quite occupied,” he soothes a hand up and down Levi’s leg when he pushes forward again. “You’ve almost taken me whole, Levi. Just a little more.”

“You saying you’re gonna fuck me so good, no one will mistake what’s going on behind that closed door over there?” He points vaguely in the direction of Erwin’s office door.

Erwin grins, “They’ll know it’s me who’s taking the great Levi Ackerman’s virginity. They’ll know you’re with me, that you’re mine.”

His voice drips with thinly concealed lust, and, glancing down, Levi can guess he’s finally stuffed completely full of Erwin Smith. Erwin stays pushed in, all the way to the base of his thick cock, letting the two of them adjust to the new feeling.

“Stop talking like I’m some kind of prize to be won,” Levi snaps. He hates it because he finds little truth in it. There’s nothing spectacular about him - if he’s prized in any way, he’s a prized weapon. Nothing more, nothing less. 

A high pitched moan slips out from his lips when Erwin slowly departs from his tight walls, just to roll his hips back in seconds later, a dirty squelch sounding aloud, sinful to the ears - there really would be no mistake as to what’s happening in here. 

“You’re right. You’re not a prize,” Erwin drops kiss after kiss along the pale expanse of his calf, nibbling a pinch when Levi squirms at the close attention. “You’re much more than that. A gem, the rarest of them all. Such a beautiful gem. All mine.”

He moves with purpose now, moves like he’s meant to, the way two people should be having sex. The fullness is still there, apparent now more than ever, but it’s been overrun by new heights of pleasure, so much pleasure, Erwin’s cock piercing him, splitting him from the inside out. 

Erwin tosses one of Levi’s legs over his shoulder, while the other hovers in the air, toes curling as he’s fucked out of his mind. Erwin’s free hand comes to grip Levi’s hip, thumb caressing his belly button, pulling at it before letting the skin snap back into place. Levi wraps a hand around Erwin’s wrist for support, while the other scratches at the desk, nails digging into the rough surface.

Erwin fucks him like he means it, like he’s using his cock to relay the words he can’t speak as Commander. Levi’s vision goes hazy as the desk shakes underneath him, the image of blonde hair and blue eyes spilling into a warped vision, like he’s dreaming, like he’s already dreamt before - but now, it’s real, it’s not a fantasy playing behind closed lids, it’s raw and it’s unbidden. 

The sounds that come from him are unlike anything he’s ever heard from his own body, sounds he never believed anyone could pull out of him.

“M-more. Don’t go easy. Fuck me, Erwin.”

Erwin groans loud and long at the command, but he listens - and he listens well. He drapes himself over Levi, shoving his thighs to his chest, curling him until he’s small again. He speeds his hips, fucking him fast and rough, just how Levi fantasized he’d fuck. Erwin’s desk is tidy, he makes sure to keep it that way, lest Levi give him shit for his mess - but now, despite the desk being mostly cleared off, small stacks of paper slip out of place as the force of their shared body weight sends the wooden surface rattling and groaning.

The sound of their flesh meeting is accompanied by heavy pants and moans, growing in noise the more Levi loses himself to the mind-numbing feeling of being fucked. His cock smacks against his stomach as Erwin sets a vicious pace. 

So good, Levi thinks - the only words his mind can conjure - so good. 

He grabs onto Erwin’s head, gripping a handful of golden locks and when blue eyes meet his, a sudden cruel possessiveness surges through him like a bolt of thunder. He locks his legs around the back of Erwin’s waist, yanking those golden tufts. He pulls Erwin’s face close and he grits out, “Those women in Mitras feel this good, Erwin?”

Confusion flashes through Erwin’s face before recognition paints itself across—

“Levi,” he huffs, either a huff of laughter, or a huff of exerted breath, Levi doesn’t know. “I told you that I don’t—”

“Anyone, then,” Levi cuts in. “Anyone. Do they,” he gulps, clenches tight around Erwin’s cock when he’s pierced through so good it aches, “Do they feel like this? Do they feel like I do?”

It’s sick, the way he’s talking - it’s depraved and it’s vile and he’s a horrible, lowly, twisted man for ever speaking such an intrusive thought aloud. 

“No,” Erwin says before kissing him like he wants to take everything Levi can offer, directly from his mouth, all tongue and teeth and open-mouthed gasps and choked cries. Against Levi’s lips, Erwin croaks into the foggy air between them, “They don’t. You’re perfect, Levi. So perfect.”

Levi clenches around him again, looping his arms around Erwin’s shoulders to keep him close - a sweet embrace in the dirtiest of times, so dirty. And yet, Levi thinks. I would let him stay burrowed deep inside me as long as he wanted. Forever, if he asked. I’d jump at the offer. If he’s stupid enough to want this again, to want me again, perhaps I’ll ask him next time. I’ll ask him and if he wills it, I’ll drop to my knees for him. I’ll take his cock down my throat. I’ll lay in his bed and let him have me. He can have me - he can take all of me. If he wills it, he can. You can, Erwin.

It happens suddenly, slamming into him like the rush of the wind when he soars in the air with the gear that launches him far, so far that he thinks he could soar across the whole world and find the solution all on his own, an eradication of all the pain, all the horror, an end to the vile monsters that keep them hoarded and small - he comes on a sharp gasp, without any warning besides a tensing so hard that Erwin grunts when his cock is constricted too tight. 

His chest is covered in white, he’s never come so much before, didn’t think it was possible. He brings his fingers down and dabs at it, then inspects his hand up close, observes the thick substance as if it’s his first time seeing it. Someone else brought this out of me. Erwin made me react like this. It’s new, and it’s not so new at all, but it’s new. 

Erwin has slowed his hips, a warm look glazing his eyes when he takes in Levi’s wrecked appearance. But then his cock throbs inside of Levi and it brings them both back to attention. Levi snaps out of his blissed out, floaty state and he sets his jaw very seriously. “Keep going, Erwin. Keep fucking me.”

He uses the heel of a foot to nudge Erwin, urging him forward.

“Are you - are you sure?” Erwin has the nerve to ask, as if Levi would ever deny him this, deny him the right to come.

“Fuck me, Erwin,” Levi spits out. “You said I’m all yours, didn’t you? Take me. Claim me. I’m yours. I followed you, didn’t I? Make my body all yours, it’s all yours.”

A fire rages in Erwin’s eyes and he’s brilliant and he’s beautiful. 

“Levi,” he groans brokenly, like a wounded animal, calling his name in a way Levi’s never heard before. He pulls out of Levi, lowering his shaky legs to the floor for him. He pulls Levi up and spins him around until they’re back to chest. “Like this,” he decides.

He slides his cock back in with ease, in one fluid motion. Levi hisses, tossing his head back until it’s platformed on Erwin’s chest. Erwin presses his lips to Levi’s burning temple, kisses him softly, then resumes just like he was before, fucking Levi with an arm wrapped flush around his waist and another over his throat - Levi’s body completely submitted to him, to his every whim. He fucks hard and fast, and Levi can do nothing else but gasp, clawing at Erwin’s beefy forearm, panting against his mouth. 

“This,” Erwin breathes when he suddenly halts, slowing his hips to a devastatingly slow roll, like he’s making sure they can both feel every inch of his cock dragging in and out. “I’ve thought of this many times. So many times, Levi. I wondered what it would be like to have you like this, spread open, all for me. I wondered how you’d sound as I fucked you.”

He reaches a hand down and wraps his fingers around Levi’s sensitive cock, stroking it kindly, thumbing over the velvety head. Levi arches into the touch, mouth falling open as a trembling moan tears out. “Whenever you want. Fuck me whenever you want, Erwin.”

Erwin shuts his eyes, as if in prayer. He presses his lips to the crown of Levi’s head, quickening his hips again at a steady pace, stroking Levi’s spent cock in time with his thrusts. “Oh, Levi,” Erwin whispers. “Levi, Levi, Levi.”

Despite feeling worn and heavy with exhaustion, Levi can feel it again - the cresting pleasure pulsing through him, taking form and running from him. He moans, sagging against Erwin, feeling as if he’s being torn in two. 

“I-I did the same thing,” he stutters. He turns his head and tucks it into the warmth of Erwin’s chest - it’s so hot, they’ve both sweat through their clothes, sticky and slick. “I fantasized too.”

Erwin hums, pleased, hips jerking at the confession. “Did you touch yourself, Levi?”

Levi swallows, and he nods wordlessly. “I- yeah.”

“Naughty boy,” Erwin taunts, and the hand around Levi’s throat tightens its hold, curling possessively. “I’d best make sure I meet your expectations, hm?”

Without waiting for an answer, he growls into Levi’s ear and fucks him relentlessly, grunting loud every slap of their skin. Levi’s cock leaks, and it’s when he can hear nothing but the sound of his own heartbeat that he comes the second time that night. He ruins Erwin’s desk, streaking it in his own spend - and Erwin jerks him through it the whole way.

Maybe it’s that - the sight of his own desk covered in Levi’s spend, that finishes Erwin off. He chokes out a raspy, Levi, before he’s coming inside, pumping Levi full, keeping the two of them pressed together as if trying to make them one. He decorates Levi’s face in a spattering of pecks, tongue peeking out to collect drops of sweat collected in the divots and lines. They’re quiet, nothing but a dying fire and the catching of breaths sounding throughout the cozy office.

“Your desk,” Levi mutters after a moment, grimacing. He shifts his weight back and forth, searching for feeling in his boneless legs again. “I ruined it.”

Erwin laughs gently, letting his cheek rest on Levi’s head. Neither wish to move yet, caught in this fuzzy nest of post-sex bliss. “I think my desk will survive.”

Levi cracks a smile at that, then frowns when he remembers the position he’s in right now -  naked with dying cum sticking to his skin like wax. “We’re filthy.”

Erwin makes a small sound of acknowledgement. “I don’t mind it.”

“You’re still inside me.” It’s not judgment, just an observation.

“That, I am.”

Levi sniffs, using a back of the hand to swipe at his eyes tiredly. 

“Would you like to sleep in my quarters tonight, Levi?”

Levi considers the question, but instead of responding, he tilts his head back, until they meet each other’s soft gaze, such a novelty. “Erwin. Thank you.”

He doesn’t specify what he’s thanking him for because even he doesn’t really know. Thanks for taking my virginity. Thanks for making it good for me. Thanks for offering your quarters to me. Thank you for giving me my destiny. Thank you for being you, no matter how much I hate you, sometimes. No matter how much I just pretend to hate you. Thank you for not hating me.

Erwin presses one last lingering kiss to his forehead, gracing him with a gentleness rarely seen by anyone besides Levi. It’s special. He’s special. 

Erwin smiles. “Let’s clean up. Shall we?”

They take a bath together, and they wash each other’s hair, and they break out into a hushed bicker midway through that leaves Levi snarling and Erwin moody - eerily similar to an old married couple, laughable, really. They crawl into Erwin’s bed eventually, when it’s late, much too late - and Erwin pulls Levi against his chest. They smell clean, the scent of heady sex replaced by a sweet citrus soap. When Levi finally begins to drift off to sleep, a tall order for him on most nights, he thinks, I will keep tonight tucked in my pocket and it’ll be ours, just ours. It’ll be our dirty secret. It’ll be our sweetest escape. 

Bracketed by an alarmingly comforting embrace, tucked under clean sheets, Levi closes his eyes and he dreams of the color blue.