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Robby was too in his head to fully react to being suddenly yanked from the hallway. His eyes adjusted to the darker atmosphere of a surprisingly unused room, the bed was empty and both doors closed. Dammit, this is a free, open bed. Why hadn’t someone been sent in here?
That’s when he remembered he didn’t walk in here, he was pulled. He felt his clothes tight against his back, two fists were holding tightly to the front of his scrubs. He glanced in front of him. And anger brewed low in his stomach with just a touch of disappointment, he knew that blob of brown hair.
Langdon.
“Langdon I already told-“
“Dr. Robby please…”, the anger twisted at being cut off, of being held to the wall which Robby just registered his back was against.
“… I know I fucked up, I know… I’m sorry.. b-but…” Langdon’s voice trembled. “I’m not an addict.. I.. I’m not… I just… I thought I could-“
“Steal from my ER?” Robby’s voice didn’t. His anger was fresh and steaming in his belly, its vile poison seeped up his throat and to his mouth. “Hm? That you’d get some special treatment?”
“No… I.. I thought you’d understand-“
“Well I don’t understand, Langdon. I don’t. Plain and fucking simple, I don’t.”
Langdon’s voice found a little ground. “Well I’m trying to explain!- I’m sorry…I’m trying to explain.” He shakily cleared his throat. His voice lost its ground nearly immediately.
Robby sighed, “Frank. I told you to go home.” A moment passed. “… I didn’t make that call lightly, Langdon. I’m not happy about this either-“
“I kno-“
“Shut up. Just shut up.” Robby sighed and leaned his head back against the wall to take a breath. He didn’t shove Langdon away, he didn’t yank his scrubs free. He couldn’t do that, not because Langdon was holding too tight, but because Langdon hadn’t once lifted his head.
Langdon who somehow always found Robby’s eyes anywhere in the ER, whether over a patient in Trauma 1 or across the room while Langdon was talking to Dana. Langdon was always there.
“Fuck you for coming back… I’m still too pissed at you. You’ve been gone for barely even an hour.”
Langdon’s eyes had been to the floor this whole time. Like he couldn’t bear to look at Robby. Langdon in reality didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes.
“I didn’t steal them to get high Robby, I thought.. I thought I could self medicate… just regulate my back pain.”
“Oh bullshit. You know you have to have a doctor prescribe pain meds like that. You have to have another doctor to oversee your treatment.”
“No I know… I just didn’t want to bother, I thought I could handle it.”
“You could’ve gone for treatment, you know how this system works for christ sake”
“Oh yeah, cause doctors always take care of themselves huh?” Langdon’s voice stepped back onto the platform, on the narrow ledge that wasn’t taken up by Robby’s anger.
Robby’s eyes darkened, “Oh fuck you. You aren’t going to pin this on me. Fine, I don’t handle my shit but at least I can fucking admit that. And yeah, I don’t like to admit it but Jesus Christ. There was never a time I ever, ever, suggested you or anyone steal medication from a hospital!” Robby wrenched Langdon’s hands off of his scrubs, pushing him back just slightly.
“… Go home. I don’t want to see you again.. today..”
Langdon’s head tilted up slightly, but his eyes remained to the ground. Robby’s voice had shook, just ever so slightly. One of the newer interns might not have caught it, but Langdon who had spent years listening and clinging to every word of instruction, whether praise or criticism from Robby could tell.
“… Dammit Langdon..” Langdon took a small breath, he didn’t want to have to leave yet. He didn’t want Robby to walk away yet. His silence worked. He knew it would.
“I trusted you, Langdon. I put my faith in you… and you took it and fucking threw it away. How could you do that?… I.. I had so much faith in you,” Robby sighed heavily. A sigh that came from pain in someone’s core. “Anyone can fuck up and do bad shit… but I never expected it from you.”
Langdon then decided he rather be walked out on, actually.
—
He couldn’t stop the tears. His eyes burned with tears and his throat constricted. When he might not have Whittaker’s doe eyed ‘I respect my superiors’ look all the time, he always was in awe to be taught by Robby. He admired Robby, his heart did jumping jacks when he got a simple, mumbled “Good work” from Robby.
Robby, the man who built his confidence and showed him the ropes. The man who trusted him, who believed in Langdon and encouraged him throughout his years learning here. The man who put his professional opinion on the line when he recommended Langdon for an ED director position.
The man he now betrayed.
Langdon’s hands shot out, grabbing Robby’s arm tightly when Robby stepped towards the door. “Robby-“
“Let go Langdon.”
Langdon held tighter, his nails almost digging into Robby’s zip up hoodie. “Please.. Robby...”
“Langdon. You legally can’t be here.” Robby’s voice was nothing but dejected. “I can have security remove you.”
Langdon nearly shattered, to be removed from this ER by security. It would break his heart, he felt this was his ER as much as it was Robby’s. And Robby knew it too, he had called Langdon “the heir apparent of the ER”. That was something Langdon remembered.
“No..! D-Don’t please… don’t do that to me…” Robby glanced out the window of the door, he could see Ahmad. He just had to open the door. He moved over, pulling his arm free.
And Langdon dropped his arm, his own arms hanging by his sides as he stared at the floor. This was it, he’d end his career here by being escorted out by security in front of everyone he cared about—everyone he had now betrayed. They’d all know. Langdon didn’t feel himself hit the floor, his knees knocked against the tile.
Robby’s hand wrapped around the handle, he glanced back at Langdon for a second, worried he might bolt before he could open the door.
Eyes met eyes. Finally.
Langdon sat on the disgusting floor of the patient room, staring up at Robby with resigned horror and immense guilt that seeped out in the form of tears.
Robby couldn’t open the door.
His hand lifted off the handle. Addict or not, thief or not. He just couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t break Langdon’s heart as Langdon broke his.
“… Robby… I-I’ll never touch a pain med again… I’ll never… never…” He cried openly now. Langdon didn’t care anymore, he couldn’t bear the pain and anger in Robby’s eyes knowing he caused it.
Why on today of all days, why is today cursed with a student betraying his teacher?
Robby swallowed his grief for his former teacher and attending. Not now, he couldn’t deal with two heartbreaks at once.
“… I won’t… I’m sorry…I-I’m so sorry.. I didn’t mean to.. to take so much… I should’ve come to you..”
Langdon was often detached, that’s what made him a good doctor too. He cared for his patients, of course he did, but was able to balance the deaths or difficult situations. Something in Robby broke to see his star student sob on the filthy floor.
—
Robby didn’t know how he convinced his brain to hug Langdon. But he was glad he did. Maybe somewhere in the rational part of his brain below the hurt and anger, he knew addiction was deeper than a simple choice. Maybe somewhere below the cracks in his heart, he knew what it was like to know all the right steps but think you can handle it on your own.
Or maybe, just maybe, once upon a time…
“Hi! It’s nice to meet you… Doctor Robinavitch.. uh sir.. doctor. It’s absolutely an honor..”
Wide doe-eyed and respectful. Youth.
“I’m Langdon. Uh..Frank.. Langdon, sir.”
A confidence that could be built, an intelligent mind that could be taught. Potential.
“I’m your new intern.”