Chapter Text
- Allie -
I’ve done something incredibly stupid. Or, perhaps, multiple stupid things. In a row.
The first stupid decision was probably to get back together with Sean the last time we broke up. I should’ve known this would never work the moment he told me to “get serious about life” and “accept that I’d never make it” as an actress. As if my life long dream was something to just throw away.
We broke up for about three weeks, and I really should’ve left it at that, but then he showed up at my door with the biggest bouquet of flowers I’ve ever seen, and he said he was sorry and he didn’t mean it, and he looked at me with those big brown puppy eyes and I… Well.
I’m not as strong as I’d like to think I am, apparently. We were together for another month when he started talking about moving to Vermont, and I realized his entire speech had been a fucking lie; he did mean it, and he was still planning to get me to give up acting and move to Vermont to be his housewife, so I dumped him again.
This time, I meant it. It was like something clicked. Like someone had ripped off a blind fold and suddenly I could see that me and Sean, we were never meant to be together. Unfortunately, that’s not something Sean seems to agree with. He kept calling me and sending texts during summer, but I was in Brooklyn, so it was easy to ignore him.
Now, back at campus? Absolutely impossible. So far, he’s shown up at my door three times, and he waits for me after nearly all of my classes. The semester started a week ago. Every time I see him, I feel acid crawling up my throat. Because to be completely honest? My eyes have opened, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve got two years of history with this guy. And I still remember the good times, and my heart still remembers what it’s like to love him.
“Do you still love him?” Hannah asked, after he showed up at my door once again and I begged her not to open it.
“No,” I answered, “but I’m just not good at saying no to him.”
But if I’m really honest, I don’t know if I still love him. I don’t remember what it’s like to not love him. And I don’t know if I’m strong enough to keep saying no to him, if he keeps this up long enough. So that’s when I did the stupid thing.
“Allie,” his voice sounded, when I left the auditorium after rehearsal. “Als, wait up!”
Of course I pretended not to hear him, but with his stupidly long legs, he managed to catch up with me before I’d even left the building.
“Hey, wait. I really want to talk to you, can we get coffee?”
Damn it. I was just heading to get coffee, because my morning rehearsal started at 8am this morning and I woke up at 7:45, meaning I haven’t had any yet. My next class starts in 30 minutes. I don’t have time to go home to get it, and Malone’s is close by.
“I can’t, Sean,” I tell him, “I don’t have time.”
“You have 30 minutes. I know your schedule.” He reaches out and lightly takes my wrist in his hand. “Come on, Als, why don’t you wanna talk to me? Don’t you think you owe me that?”
My breathe hitches. That’s a low blow, and although I’m not surprised that he’s trying it, it still rattles me.
“There’s nothing to talk about, Sean. And I really can’t right now, anyway. I’m… meeting someone.” I’m not meeting anyone. Hannah stayed over at Garrett’s last night, so they’re probably having really hot morning sex or something, and my other friends are all in class.
Sean laughs as if he knows I’m bullshitting him. “Who are you meeting, then?”
I don’t know why I say it. I could’ve said literally anything else, but I’m so sick of him following me, I’m so sick of having to say no, of having to hide from him. Most of all, I’m so sick of the way he still makes my hands shake.
“The guy I’m dating, actually.”
Sean suddenly comes to a halt, and because he’s still holding my wrist, he pulls me to a stop abruptly. “What?” he says, and for the first time there’s a wobble in his usual confident tone. “You’re dating someone?”
In for a penny, in for a pound, I guess.
“Yes. And I don’t want to show up to my date with my ex-boyfriend in tow, so you gotta go.” I make sure to put emphasis on the ex.
“We’ve only been broken up for a summer. There’s no way you’re dating someone.” The confidence is back in his voice. “That’s not the kinda girl you are, Als.”
For some reason, that pisses me off. It’s true that I’ve historically been a relationship girl, not someone who dates around a lot. But the idea that Sean thinks I wouldn’t? That’s annoying me.
I start walking again. I’m nearly at Malone’s. Surely Sean will leave me when I get there? But he doesn’t seem to be planning to, because he’s still following me.
“We were together for two years, babe. You can’t tell me one summer is enough to move on from that. You love me, Allie.”
“We’re over now, Sean,” I correct him gently. “We want different things in life. We’re not compatible.”
“We could be,” he argues. “If you just…” his voice trails off, but I know what he wanted to say. If you just go along with my plans for the future and drop all of yours.
The bell chimes when I push open the door to Malone’s. It’s not that busy, considering classes have started for most students.
As if by some invisible string, my eyes get tracked to a very tall, very broad back, and a head of blond hair. Great, as if my morning couldn’t get any worse.
“Where’s your boyfriend, then?” Sean’s voice sounds almost taunting. “Cause I don’t see anyone.”
The blond guy leans forward and says something to the waitress behind the counter, who must be new, because I don’t know her and I’ve worked here all previous semester. In fact, I was working here when I fucked that blond guy in the supply closet last year.
Dean DiLaurentis.
“I knew you weren’t dating anyone,” Sean continues. “So can we talk now?”
Stupid decision number two incoming. Or three? I’ve lost count.
“Actually, he’s right there, so. Goodbye, Sean,” I say, and then I turn around and try to appear confident as I walk with purpose, towards the counter.
“Hey baby,” I say a little too cloud, and I circle my arm around Dean’s waist as I push my body into his side. If I wasn’t so stressed, I’d have laughed at the way his eyebrows nearly jump into his hairline. His muscles tense under my arm, and his mouth falls slightly open. I press up on my tiptoes to speak into his ear - God, I forget how damn tall that guy is.
“Please go with it,” I whisper, and I hate that I sound like I’m begging, but I kinda am. Dean’s eyes flicker towards the door, and I’m sure Sean’s still there, because a look of understanding crosses his face.
“Hello, Allie-Cat,” he muses, using the nickname he used for me last year. My stomach does a weird somersault at that. “The usual?”
I open my mouth, but he speaks before I can, turning towards the waitress. Penny, her name tag reads. “Can I add an iced vanilla latte to that? With oat milk, please.”
My jaw nearly hits the floor. “You know my coffee order?”
Dean raises one eyebrow. “Am I not supposed to?” I must’ve looked a little too shocked, because he wraps his arm around my shoulder and squeezes a little too tight, as he lowers his lips to my ear. “You might want to look like you actually like me, Allie-Cat. Douchebag is staring.”
His breathe tickles my ear and I feel a shiver running down my spine, but I decide to push that away and look over his shoulder towards the door. Sean is staring. Staring like he’s looking at a dumpster fire. He’s slightly pale, and his eyes are wide. Right, means to an end. I’m not just doing this for fun, I have a goal. And I must remember that goal. And forget the last time Dean’s arm was wrapped around me like this, with his lips trailing kisses down my neck, and…
“One iced vanilla latte with oat milk,” Penny calls a little too loud, and she puts the cup on the counter with so much force it nearly spills over.
Right. The reason I didn’t take it any further with Dean, even though I kinda liked him, and why he was the perfect rebound after I broke up with Sean the last time. That guy doesn’t do relationships. He has, however, done almost half the campus.
“Thanks, Penny,” he says smoothly, and her face immediately goes all glossy, like it’s Ryan Gosling standing here instead of Dean DiLaurentis.
Fine, he’s hot, okay. You’d have to be blind and stupid not to see that. Tall, strong, with wavy blond hair and bright blue eyes, not to mention his dimples and…
“Come, on, baby.” His amused grin is enough to bring me back to earth, and I let him guide me away from the counter. “Let’s go for a walk,” he adds. He’s steering me right towards Sean. And God, I wanna get out of here, but I don’t wanna walk past that guy. I don’t know if I can stomach the hurt in his eyes when he looks at me, because I know this is gonna hurt him. If he even believes me.
Because the Allie he knows, or at least the Allie he thinks he knows? She would never, ever, ever sleep with Dean DiLaurentis. Not until hell freezes over.
But I guess during our last break up, it was pretty cold up there, because I did sleep with him more than once. More than twice, too.
“Eyes on me, Allie-Cat.” Once again, Dean’s voice pulls me away from my thoughts. His arm is still circled around my shoulder, pulling me into his side, and he’s leaning his face towards my head. Right when we reach Sean, he presses a kiss to the side of my head. The room gets very warm, all of a sudden, and I can feel Dean’s chuckle against my hair.
The bell chimes again when the door to Malone’s closes behind us. I let Dean guide me away from the diner for a few hundred meters before I shrug his arm away from my shoulder. He steps back immediately, putting distance between us. I instantly notice the cold.
“You’re shaking.” Dean’s voice is soft, almost gentle. “Are you okay? What the hell happened there?”
I suppose I do owe him an explanation. “I did something really stupid,” I say, and then I start telling him what happened.
- Dean -
“So,” I repeat, “let me summarize. You broke up with douchebag, and this time you’re actually serious about that, but he won’t leave you alone like some crazy stalker, so you figured if you pretended to date the hottest guy on campus, he’d leave you alone?”
Allie scoffs, as I knew she would. I do really like teasing her, like the way her face goes all grumpy.
“I wouldn’t say that. You were just there. Any guy would’ve worked, really.”
“Probably not Garrett,” I say, just to contradict her, and she rolls her eyes.
“No, Dean, probably not my best friend’s boyfriend. But literally anyone else.” She sighs, and something heavy surrounds her. “Even this probably won’t work, anyway. I think he’s just gonna continue to follow me around all semester. I might even have to transfer schools.”
That’s a bit melodramatic, probably, and I intend to tell her that, but when I look down she looks… Defeated. Sad. And suddenly I’m pissed. I knew her boyfriend was a douchebag since the very first time I overheard Allie talking about him in the girl’s bathroom. I was hooking up with a girl next door, and Allie’s drunken story probably shouldn’t have given me any pause, but for some reason, every word was imprinted on my brain. She’s such a talented actress, I saw that during her Drunk Shakespeare performance last year. The fact that douchebag wants to lock her up in some farm in Vermont and never let her share her talents with the world? That’s fucking criminal.
“Do you want me to beat him up?” I offer. “I could do that. Or I could unleash Logan on him. He fights dirty.”
It works; Allie huffs out a little laugh. My mood lifts instantly. “You can’t do that,” she says, “cause your coach would bench you and you wouldn’t be able to play hockey.”
“Just for a few games, probably,” I shrug. “Might be worth it.”
Allie sighs. “You have no idea how tempting that sounds.” She squares her shoulders. “But no. I should figure this out on my own.”
I smile at that. She always has been stubborn. There’s a flashback to last year.
“There’s no reason we can’t just keep having fun.”
But she hadn’t wanted that. She wanted to go back to douchebag. Obviously.
I’m a cocky bastard, but I’m hadn’t been naive enough to think she would’ve picked me over him. We had fun last year, and sure, I really did like Allie - enough that I stopped sleeping with other girls, and that had never happened before.
But I’m Six Flags. I’m fun, but girls are with me for a good time, not a long time.
“And you’re okay with that?” Allie had asked, and I’d lied and said it was fine.
Lied, because with Allie, I really wish it hadn’t been like that.
But it had, because of course it had. Douchebag is the definition of boyfriend-material. He doesn’t have a history of sleeping around, he doesn’t spend half his life focused on hockey, he can spend every evening watching Allie’s dumb soap operas with her. He could give her a lot I couldn’t. He’s also boring as fuck and a pretentious douchebag, but. Girls fuck with guys like that. I know that.
“I actually have somewhat of an idea,” Allie says, pulling me back to the world around me. “But it’s probably stupid, and you can totally say no.”
She’s blushing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her blush. I remember her as someone who confidently dances on her own on a crowded dance floor, wearing the hottest fucking dress I’ve ever seen. Taking off her top to distract me from a chess game so she can - unfairly - beat me. I remember her as the girl telling me to sleep with someone else when I became too focused on her, and then go back to her ex before I could complete that assignment. I still haven’t completed that assignment, to this day. But she doesn’t need to know that.
“What?” I ask her, chucking my empty coffee cup in a bin as we reach the entrance of the campus building. Her words come out so fast they become a jumble of syllables.
“Wecouldfakedateandthenmaybehewillleavemealonebecauseheisscaredofyou.”
“What?” I repeat.
“Never mind.” She laughs nervously. “It’s stupid. Forget I asked.” She turns her head away from me as if she’s ashamed. Hell no. That girl should never be ashamed of anything, and especially not with me.
“Allie.” I soften my voice as I reach for her. My hand finds her chin and tips her head up to face me. Her eyes are still fixed on the floor. “Look at me, Allie.” She does. Her brown eyes are big and sad. Suddenly, I wanna beat up her douchebag ex even if it costs me my whole hockey season. “It’s me, Allie. You can talk to me. You know that.”
She inhales slowly, and I can see the walls she put up crumbling around her. I wonder if she’s thinking about the night by the campfire, like I am.
“The people who love you will understand. And if they don’t, they’re not your people.”
One summer doesn’t change the fact that I still believe I could be her people, if only she let me.
“Maybe we could fake date for a little bit, so that Sean leaves me alone.” I raise an eyebrow. “Will he?” “Probably.” She smiles. “He’s scared of the hockey guys. He told me once.” Something fiercely proud blooms in my chest before I realize that probably makes me an asshole, and try to push it down. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to fake date her, when I was so ready to real date her, only last year. I know what my friends would say; can literally hear Beau’s voice in my head.
“You like her. You have to tell her that, dude.” “
I know it’s probably annoying for you, and I’m sure it won’t have to be for very long. Just until he gets off my back.” Allie stares up at me. “I think you’re the only one that can help me, Dean.”
Well, fuck. “Okay,” I say. “Let’s show that fucker how much you upgraded.”
- Allie -
“You know how that ended up for me, right?” Hannah’s grin is a little too knowing.
“Yes,” I say, pulling my T-shirt over my head and sticking my head into my wardrobe. “But you fake dated Garrett Graham, and everyone with a brain knew that you two would be perfect for each other, so that totally makes sense that you got an actual relationship out of that.”
I find what I’m looking for; the blue top that makes my boobs look a little bigger than the pathetic handful that they actually are.
“I’m fake dating Dean DiLaurentis, so we all know that’ll never become a relationship.”
“I can’t believe he even went along with it.” Hannah frowns. “That’s not like him.”
I bite my lip. A part of me wants to tell my best friend that Dean and I have history, but the biggest part of me still wants to keep that a secret. I probably should’ve told her last year. I know I wasn’t doing anything wrong; I was having fun, Dean was having fun, we were being safe. But I can’t help feel a little ashamed when I think of that month of my life. Because to be honest, Sean is right. I’m not that type of girl. There’s nothing wrong with being like that, in fact, I wish I was a little more like that. But I’m the relationship girl. I don’t sleep around, and I don’t do flings. I want the slow mornings and the late nights talking, I want the comfort of knowing I’m someone’s person. I told myself it wouldn’t be like that with Dean, and that’s why I ended things with him.
Because I started wanting that from him. Even though he’d been completely honest about who he is and what he wants, from the very second I met him. I knew he didn’t want a relationship. I knew he was “Six Flags”, as he said, and he was just there for a fun time, not a long time. He’s not the kinda guy that you could count on to bring you cookies when you’re having a bad day, or cuddle you on the sofa while watching soap operas.
But the more I was around him, the more I wanted to be around him. Not just for sex. But for moments like that. And that’s why I’m ashamed. Because I had a hot fling with a hot guy, and I couldn’t even enjoy that without getting all up in my feelings and ruining it. Maybe that’s why I ran back to Sean. He was safe, and Dean was not. Because it’s not fair to expect something from someone who has never offered to give you that, and I had to get Dean out of my head. “
He was just being nice because you’re Garrett’s girlfriend, probably,” I lie to my best friend, and then I turn around motioning towards the blue top. “Does this say hot or just slutty? Cause I need a mix of both.”
“Definitely both,” Hannah says. “Why are you going to this birthday party again? You don’t even know Max that well.”
“Because Sean will be there,” I answer. “Max is in his frat. Which means he is in Dean’s frat. And Dean said it would seem weird if he went there without me, and Sean might think it’s not that serious between us.”
“Right,” says Hannah, her head tilt in confusion. “Because Dean knows so much about a serious relationship.”
I shimmy into a pair of jeans that are slightly too tight on me, but make my ass look amazing. “He’s doing me a massive favor, Han. I’m not here to question it.”
Hannah sighs. “Well, you look hot. If Sean doesn’t regret his decision already, he’s certainly going to now.”
I stop in my tracks, my jeans still unbuttoned. I don’t want Sean to regret his decision. I want Sean to leave me alone.
“Is it too slutty?” I wasn’t even thinking about Sean when I picked out this outfit. I was thinking about Dean.
“No!” Hannah sits forward and takes my hands. “Allie, you look fantastic. You can’t dress like a grandma just for Sean, and besides.” She grins. “You have to look a little slutty if you want people to believe you bagged the Dean DiLaurentis.”
“You look hot.” Dean’s eyes trailed down my body, which was completely hidden from view, but he was looking at me as if he could see every inch of my skin. “I’m wearing your sweatshirt and your joggers, which is like five sizes too big for me,” I rolled my eyes. I’d been wearing a tight red dress, but it was fucking freezing in his room, so after we had sex I started shivering and Dean threw my some of his clothes to put on. “Exactly.” Dean’s voice was a little husky, and he reached for the cuff of his sweatshirt to pull me closer to him. “As I said. Hot.”
“Allie?” Right. Best friend. Serious conversation. “Yes, sorry. I’m just nervous.” I sigh. “What if Sean doesn’t believe it, and he keeps following me?”
“He’ll believe it,” Hannah soothes. “You’re a great actress, you’ll sell it. You just gotta make sure Dean doesn’t forget about your fake relationship and hooks up with someone else.”
I can’t help but sigh. Because that’s the last thing I’m worried about. If anyone will forget it’s fake, that’ll be me.