Chapter Text
"Cmon, Zanka. We have another assignment!"
Six words that Zanka would have loved to hear a few months ago. He was losing his spark, his interest in anything at all, and it was noticeable. He saw the way Riyo would continuously glance his direction whenever they were in the car, her thin leg brushing up against his, and the way everyone would sneak looks at him when they noticed he was barely eating.
It bothered him at first, but now? He couldn't bring himself to care.
He would be gone, soon, anyway.
Zanka loved the smell of cigarette smoke. Always did. He never smelled it until he was taken in by Enjin, but he found that it made him think of freedom. Growing up, he always had to be perfect.. never allowed to make a mistake. Zanka had to be the best, always, including how he presented himself.
Cigarette smoke was dry-smelling, associated with dirtiness, and addictive. Imperfect. It was everything Zanka couldn't be, that he wasn't allowed to be.
He paused for a second.
That he wouldn't allow himself to be.
He glanced at Lovely propped up on the wall beside his bed. He was going to miss her. She was the most perfect vital instrument a giver could ask for, and he hoped that after he died, she would be taken by someone who can use her to their fullest potential. Someone better than him.
"Alright, 'm comin." He grumbled, forcing himself onto his feet. He heard the door slam behind him as Rudo left. He grabbed his uniform and put it on in a hurry, injuries he had left untreated from his last fight still throbbing with pain. God, I hope these aren't infected.
The assignment was easy. Scout the area, fight a few trash beasts, a simple task. Zanka swung Lovely Assistaff with his usual grace, not missing a single beat. He took down many trash beasts—one, two, three, four, he lost track after that.
He was in the middle of a fight with a trash beast, swiftly dodging a hit. He lodged Lovely into it's body and watched as her spikes pierced it's core. In his peripheral, he saw Riyo looking at him in shock as the beast crumbled to the ground.
"Woah, Zanka, nice going!" She was quickly cut off by another beast rushing at her. But he wasn't worried, she was strong enough to handle it. Everything was going perfectly, just two more trash beasts to go. The one Riyo was handling, and another that was rushing at Rudo.
Him and Rudo exchanged a quick glance before they lunged at the beast together. This time, Rudo was using a giant hammer to fight. You'd think it would have been slowing him down, but he was utilizing it quite well. Zanka was almost jealous.
Eventually, the place was cleared of all trash beasts, and Enjin was already yelling at everybody to hurry up and get in the truck so they can go eat. I ain't hungry..
When they arrived in town, Zanka asked Enjin, "hey, can you guys go without me? I'm going to head back to HQ.."
Riyo raised a brow. "Huhhh? Zanka doesn't want to eat? That's new."
"But not surprising. Now, if it was Rudo, that'd be cause for concern!" Enjin butted in, managing to get a giggle out of Zanka. He stepped out of the car and shut the door, waving goodbye to the rest of his team.
He loved his team. They were like a family to him, better than his real family. It was a shame he was leaving them, soon.
As soon as Zanka stepped into HQ, Semiu looked up at him. "Where's the rest of the team?"
"They're gettin' somethin' to eat. I'm not hungry." Zanka struggled to keep his voice steady. Semiu was getting more and more scary lately. Not because anything had changed with her demeanor, but because Zanka was afraid she'd use her jinki to find out all of the unhealthy shit he's been doing. Throwing up everything that entered his mouth, self-harm, training so late at night that he has a terrible headache in the morning.
And just when he thought he was off the hook, his fear came true. Semiu's eyes started to glow a bright yellow, Zanka let out a panicked "wait!" but it was already too late. She had seen everything, and she was about to tell everyone.
His hands became so sweaty he started to struggle to keep his hold on Lovely, eyes practically bulging out of his face. It seemed like an entire millenium before Semiu spoke. "Zanka.. what's been up with you?"
I do not want to talk about this. "I.. I don't know. I'll be fine, okay? I've been doing good with all of my assignments, just ask the rest of Akuta. I'll get better, but I want to do it on my own. Just don't tell Enjin.." The last sentence made his throat close up, he wondered if Semiu even heard him. He tightened his grip. "Don't tell him, please.." This was unbelieveably embarrassing.
Semiu sighed. "Alright, Zanka. I'm not here to parent you, just to make sure you've been doing fine on your assignments. And clearly you have, so, i'll let this one go." She didn't give him time to say anything before turning back to her magazine.
Zanka let out a shaky breath. Thank you.
He wasn't sure who he was saying thank you to; Semiu, or God.
He scurried off to his room, slamming the door way harder than intended. Today wasn't actually as shitty as most of his other days, and he would have been fine if that hadn't just happened.
Tears started to swell in his eyes, and a quiet cry turned into a full on sob. One small cut turned into thirty deep slashes, and one bad thought turned into a storm of emotions.
In the end, Zanka ended up falling asleep on the floor, the only blanket to cover him was the metallic, warm pool of his own blood.
He woke up to the sound of loud banging from outside his door. "Zankaaaa!! Open up!" It was Rudo.. odd of him to be knocking early in the morning. He glanced at the window and realized that it was in fact not early in the morning. Damn it. The smell of old blood flooded his nostrils, his once clean floors now stained a deep red that now looked brown. Rudo would probably kick down the door any minute now. He started to panic and rushed into the bathroom, still not answering Rudo. Zanka had slept through the entire first half of the day. "Zanka! If you don't open up, i'm gonna kick down this door and then i'm gonna kick your ass!"
He washed the blood off of his face, arms, then changed into a black hoodie and pants. I'm so nauseous...
Then he draped one of his blankets over the blood that coated his floors and hurriedly opened the door before Rudo could completely destroy it himself. To Zanka's surprise, Riyo was waiting outside for him aswell. "Woah.. you look like death."
Zanka flashed her an angry smile, "yes, thank you. What do you want?"
"What do you mean what do you want? It's too late to be sleeping right now!" Rudo shouted. This is what I wake up to? Zanka completely ignored him, stepping back and slamming the door on the two of them. All Zanka wanted right now was to be left alone, because he was afraid that he would just straight up pass out if he tried holding a conversation with someone too long. He slumped back into his bed, knowing that Enjin would probably be coming to his room, soon. Might as well get in some Z's before he comes.
Despite going to sleep real early last night, Zanka was extremely tired. It seemed like it hadn't even been a few seconds before he drifted off into a deep slumber.