Work Text:
Angela had felt a lot of things throughout her very unstable life. Mostly hatred and sadness. This, however, was neither of them. It was a new feeling altogether, and she wasn't sure how to describe it. Worst of all? It was for one of her own librarians.
It was both pleasant and the worst thing she'd ever felt. Considering everything Ayin had put her through, B had enabled him to do, and the scars covering the librarian's arms, that was saying quite a lot. She hadn't even felt anything remotely close to this when she had to kill B with her bare hands in every loop, and it was tearing her apart.
with every broken bone, decapitated head, mangled corpse she'd seen, it had accompanied a feeling of dread. A dread of the next loop, where she'd have to see it again. Dreading when Ayin would feel she'd outlived her usefulness and disposed of her like he did with clerks on a daily basis. Dreading she'd finally reach her limit, and fall down the path that the woman Ayin idolised so dearly did. And yet that was all nothing compared to this new sensation. It felt like her organs were tying into knots, like her mouth had run completely dry, like she was suddenly incapable of being the silent, foreboding pillar she was supposed to be. She loathed it.
Angela was desperately searching through her books, trying to find any possible answer as to why she felt like this. Any answer to the feeling that had been plaguing her across so many loops, that had bled into her duties as a librarian. Unfortunately, none of them seemed to have the answer, and her thoughts kept drifting back to a certain woman.
"I wonder what Malkuth is doing. I hope she's alright. Why am I thinking like this? I'm not supposed to care for them, that what..."
Angela was quick to cut herself off there, not wanting to dwell on A's treatment of her when not completely necessary.
Angela could still clearly remember every memory of Lobotomy Corporation, even the earliest loops still feeling far too fresh in her memories. From every decapitated head, every torn muscle, every blood stained department to the visceral screams of clerks and agents that hadn't been trained to deal with higher level abnormalities. She didn't even have the solace of knowing if the city was better outside or not, as she was only ever given enough information that was deemed necessary to keep L Corp. running.
Angela slams the book she was currently skimming through shut and buries her head in her hands, a quiet sob escaping her. Why was she the one forced to do this? Why could she not forget? Why did this sensation seem so much worse than everything else combined? Why was she even human?
She'd grown to resent someone she'd never even met across every loop for being the reason she had been stuck in the role of the manager's assistant. That resentment hadn't faded over the millennias of torture she had been forced to experience by her own creators, but she'd rather confront that than deal with whatever Malkuth was making her feel currently.
Why was it only Malkuth that made her feel this way? Why did the brown and yellow haired woman she'd seen introduce herself so many times reduce her to this? She hated it, but she wanted so much more. She couldn't get enough of how she made her feel, no matter how torturous it was.