I’m Glad We Met Each Other

The dark consumed Pure Vanilla’s dorm room as Shadow Milk lay sprawled out on the bed as the stared blankly at the ceiling, light from Pure Vanilla’s desktop lamp was the only light source within the room, the warm spring air billowing in from the open window. The weight of the bed shifted as Pure Vanilla sat down on the mattress.

“Hey, Shadow?” Pure Vanilla’s voice was soft and airy as he gently placed his hand on top of Shadow Milk’s. Warmth pouring into Pure Vanilla’s heart, how could someone be so perfect?

Shadow Milk smiled softly as he responded, “Yes, Nill?”

“I’m glad I met you, I don’t know where I would be without you in my life, and I’m glad I don’t have to find that out.”

Shadow Milk turned his head toward Pure Vanilla concern flickering on his face as his eyes flashed with fear, “What’s bringing this up? Did something happen?” Shadow Milk sat up as he looked into Pure Vanilla’s eyes, waiting for a response, anxiety coming off of him like an aura.

Pure Vanilla shook his head slowly as a warm smile enveloped his face and filled every pore with a warm light within Shadow Milk, “No, nothing happened, I just thought I would tell you how much I love you. I don’t think I’ve ever spoken about how grateful I am to have you within my life, and I think it’s time I let you know that. I value you, Shadow Milk, I love you.”

Shadow Milk laid back down and shook his head tearing his gaze away from Pure Vanilla and toward the headboard of the bed a blank stare as emptiness filled his stomach and guilt filled his throat, Shadow Milk pulled his hand from Pure Vanilla’s, “I don’t know how you can say that, I don’t deserve you.”

Pure Vanilla’s gaze softened as his voice went higher and got softer in unison with his face like his voice was his face and that he just was, a being of pure beauty and love, “What- why do you say that? Of course you do, you’re perfect the way you are.”

Shadow Milk’s vision blurred as tears filled his eyes, Shadow Milk desperately tried to blink the tears away as they fought back and began to pour from his eyes, “God, I treated you terribly when we first met, I don’t know how you’re able to even look at me, let alone love me,” Shadow Milk’s voice faltered as tears began to roll down his cheeks, “I don’t understand how you can love and forgive so easily, I’m a terrible person.”

Pure Vanilla wiped Shadow Milk’s tears as he gave a reassuring smile, love pouring from his touch as Shadow Milk’s heart raced and tears threatened to make a comeback, “You’re not a terrible person, I don’t care how you treated me then, you’ve grown and proven yourself to be a better person and you regret what you did, if you regret that proves growth and what you would’ve done differently, look at the past with pride because of how you’ve grown and how it shaped you. You’ve grown and your guilt and regret show that. I’ll never be mad at you or resent you for something you’ve grown out of, don’t ever feel guilty for the past.”

Shadow Milk shook his head and shut his eyes, yet he didn’t move away from Pure Vanilla’s gentle touch and reassurance, “I don’t understand how you’re so mature and kind, this is why I don’t deserve you. I’m petty and spiteful, God, I’m awful and you deserve better. You know it.”

Pure Vanilla turned Shadow Milk’s head and held Shadow Milk’s cheeks between his two hands, “No matter how much you say you don’t deserve me, no matter how low you view yourself, I will always love you. Nothing will change that, nothing in this world could make me stop loving you. Nothing.”

Pure Vanilla brought his face close to Shadow Milk’s ear as he whispered, “You’re scared of change and of the future, you’re scared of being alone, and abandoned, but I will never leave you alone and let you feel abandoned.”

Shadow Milk felt another round of tears as he gave a soft smile to Pure Vanilla, “Why do you love me? I’m not worth your time.” Tears filling his eyes as they dropped down his cheeks, Pure Vanilla wiped them away as Shadow Milk sniffled.

“Will you stop talking like that? Heavens above know that I love you more than anything in this world. I would give anything to be with you in any life and timeline, no matter what. I love you, will you let me love you fully?”

Shadow Milk gave a silent chuckle as Pure Vanilla brought his forehead to Shadow Milk’s. Shadow Milk didn’t understand what made Pure Vanilla love him so much, two years ago when they met Shadow Milk did everything in his power to make Pure Vanilla miserable, trip him, push him, tear him down with his words, and he even stole his textbooks a few times and hid them around campus. Still, Pure Vanilla offered to be friends and then last year, confessed how he loved Shadow Milk; it didn’t make sense how Pure Vanilla could forgive and live in such a short time, still Shadow Milk had felt a surge of pure affection when Pure Vanilla confessed, and he agreed to a date. Maybe Shadow Milk would never understand Pure Vanilla, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty for how he treated Pure Vanilla.

Shadow Milk smiled gently as he held his hand on top of Pure Vanilla’s hands, that held his face, an odd sort of tower of holding each other, “You still love me after how I treated you, and even when I called you a pathetic asshole who couldn’t even see two feet in front of him?”

Pure Vanilla gave an airy laugh in response as he squinted his eyes, raising a skeptical eyebrow, “You said that?”

“I said a lot worse,” Shadow Milk confessed as he nodded gently, confirming what he said was the truth.

Pure Vanilla brought his lips to Shadow Milk’s forehead, soft lips pressing against his forehead, a silent and gentle reminder that he was loved, “I think I’ll forgive you for calling me blind.”

“You still are,” Shadow Milk teased as Pure Vanilla ruffled his hair in response.

Soft giggles erupted from the two, warm nights like this were Shadow Milk’s favorite, the gentle breeze that wafted into the room gave a calming sensation through Shadow Milk’s buzzing mind.

Pure Vanilla held onto Shadow Milk as he placed his face into the crook of Shadow Milk’s neck, “You know, when we graduate, I would want to share an apartment with you, rent a house, I don’t know. I just want to live with you.”

Shadow Milk grinned as he stroked Pure Vanilla’s hair gently as he played with small golden locks of hair, “I… I would love that. I want to be with you, I’ll follow you wherever.”

Pure Vanilla adjusted his head and Shadow Milk felt his warm breath on his neck and jaw, “I really want to be with you wherever.”

Shadow Milk blushed, “You already said that, you’re getting dementia already?”

Pure Vanilla wrapped his arm around Shadow Milk’s waist and gently pressed him down onto the mattress as he place his head on Shadow Milk’s chest, “I like to express how much I love you, even if that means repeating myself, is something wrong with that?”

Shadow Milk pressed his lips into Pure Vanilla’s temples, “No, nothing is wrong with that.”

“Good.”

Pure Vanilla smiled softly into Shadow Milk’s chest, he was lucky to have him, did he treat him like crap in the beginning? Yes, but Pure Vanilla saw something in Shadow Milk, a soft loneliness that hid just below the surface, he had fallen for Shadow Milk’s gentle demeanor that you had to look deeply for, that was what drew him in. The sense of there being something more to Shadow Milk.

Their early friendship had been rough, and when they began to settle and become comfortable together that was when Pure Vanilla saw so much deeper, gentle and kindness radiated within Shadow Milk, although he could be… for lack of better words, an absolute jackass he did have good intentions, in fact, Shadow Milk had even come to Pure Vanilla’s dorm late one night roughly a year and a half ago to apologize for how as Shadow Milk put it, ‘being an absolute fucking fool who treated you like a piece of shit’ although the vulgar language had cause Pure Vanilla to roll his eyes, he was touched how Shadow Milk refused to continue pretending to have never said those things (Shadow Milk’s beliefs that he had told Pure Vanilla late one night) that was when Pure Vanilla could trace his feelings for Shadow Milk.

“Blue, do you want it know something?” Pure Vanilla’s voice was muffled due to his face being buried in Shadow Milk’s hoodie.

Shadow Milk gave Pure Vanilla a slight squeeze in response, that was all he needed.

“You’re the best thing to have ever come into my life. I would be screwed over without you, and words can describe how much I love you, how much my heart swells for you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Shadow Milk held onto Pure Vanilla like it would be the last time, as if the two were going to die tomorrow. Shadow Milk loved Pure Vanilla’s warmth and his love, he adored the pure kindness and understanding that came with Pure Vanilla’s presence, even if it wasn’t always able to evaporate all his doubts and worries, Pure Vanilla made it easier to push all the negativity aside, even for a moment.

God, Pure Vanilla was perfect, how could anyone have a better presence? How could anyone listen so intently that I made you feel truly heard? That was what made Pure Vanilla perfect. Pure Vanilla was the epitome of love and kindness, pure and selfless love, everything Shadow Milk wasn’t, he was brash, rude, spiteful, and abrasive. He didn’t listen well, he spoke in a way that belittled anyone around him and yet Pure Vanilla saw and looked at him with such tender love that melted him, maybe that was the true miracle within this world, how a person like Pure Vanilla could love if spite and hate was a person.

Shadow Milk laced his fingers between Pure Vanilla’s as he brought them to his lips and gently kissed them, how he adored Pure Vanilla.

Pure Vanilla drew closer to Shadow Milk’s core as he spoke once more, “I can’t imagine myself without you, not a single scenario are you absent, you’re always with me.”

Shadow Milk felt a pang of pure love, he couldn’t see himself without Pure Vanilla by his side, late nights and early mornings? The future that seems so uncertain and fearful, never was Pure Vanilla absent within his future, that was the only solace Shadow Milk found in the future, was Pure Vanilla was going to remain by his side, “I couldn’t be in a world without you.”

A soft sound of content came from Pure Vanilla as Shadow Milk placed his only free hand onto Pure Vanilla’s head and he gently began to play with Pure Vanilla’s golden hair.

“You wanna know something, Nilly? You’re always in my future, no matter how down and bleak my future seems you’re always by my side, you’re never absent, you’re always there.”

Pure Vanilla smiled, “I will always be by your side, I don’t ever want to leave you. If I did I would be insane.”

Pure Vanilla felt his heart flutter inside his chest, not a single scenario was he absent from Shadow Milk’s future, God, he was obsessed with him. Pure Vanilla place his hand on Shadow Milk’s jaw and rubbed his thumb along his lower face and just above his jaw, everything about him was perfect.

“Shadow Milk?”

“Hm?”

“I’m glad we met, I don’t think I would be this happy without you. I won’t ever leave your side.”

“I love you more than anything too, Nilly.”