Archive of Our Own

The music was pounding, reverberating under his ribs. He was alone, but didn't want to be. He'd been begging for weeks, but no one felt up for it, so he went on his own. The club wasn't new, but there had been a lot of buzz about it online lately. Something about a new DJ or some such. Buck wasn't too picky about that, he just wanted to dance.

The club was small, the ceiling was low, and the room was stiffling. The part of his brain that never turned off, wondered if he should contact the fire marshal about it in the morning.

Bodies were pressing against his, but he didn't feel crowded. It felt like the dance floor was moving as one. He moved from partner to partner, as the songs rolled into each other. Some were more handsy than others, some stuck around longer than others. When he left home, he hadn't felt like hooking up, but as the night went on, he began to waver. His last partner spun out, as the song came to an end, throwing a flirty wink over her shoulder, before the crowd swallowed her whole.

As the next song picked up speed, a bank of heat met his back. Buck turned his head, to see who it was. He was met with a smile as warm as his body. The guy said something, but he couldn't make it out. Dancing wasn't about who he was attracted to, or what he was into; dancing was about moving his body and having fun. This guy was far from the first man he'd danced with. Sure, sometimes dancing ended in apologies, about not being into men, but most people didn't care. Buck had been to lesbian bars plenty of times and had a great time. The people who got it, got it.

The two of them danced for a long time, before the guy managed to shout his name over the music and introduce himself. Tommy. Tommy was a great dancer. He was fun and playful, not to mention huge. It wasn't often Buck met men bigger than himself.

When they took a break from dancing, Tommy bought them drinks at the bar. He crowded Buck a little bit, but Buck didn't mind. Having such a big, warm body – and that smile – focused solely on him, made it hard to remember that he didn't do this. He didn't lead men on, when they flirted with him. Buck always tried to be kind and let them down easy.

It wasn't a gay club, as far as Buck was aware. Tommy's shirt wasn't see through, which was typically a giveaway.

The music was too loud to have a meaningful conversation, but they tried. Tommy handed him another drink. Buck was too focused on not getting jostled and spilling the overpriced alcohol all over the both of them, so he missed the context, when Tommy said, ”Puppy?”

A bit of a non sequitur, but Buck didn't think anything of it. He had been called a golden retriever before, so he laughed and said, ”I mean, yeah.”

Tommy's whole face crinkled in a smile. ”Yeah, you are.”

Buck should've asked some follow up questions, but he didn't. Being called nonsense on a night out, was part of the experience. Guy with the pants, sweater guy, curly, tall boy, gym bro, puppy. Didn't make a whole lot of sense, but it wasn't out of the ordinary.

Tommy pulled him back to the dance floor and Buck forgot all about it. He didn't dance with anyone else, just Tommy.

He wasn't thinking about going home, but then Tommy leaned in close and spoke directly into his ear, ”Wanna come home with me?”

”Yes!” he yelled in excitement, to be heard over the music. The club was loud and crowded. A bit of privacy and more of Tommy's attention sounded like the best thing ever.

Buck was a little drunk (possibly more than a little), which was likely the reason why he didn't question why it was so easy for a man to pick him up. There was no confusion, Buck knew he was being picked up. In the moment, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Everything after that, bled into each other. The individual moments blurred together, into one, fuzzy string of pleasure. It began with the classic fumbling for fasteners, in the entry way of Tommy's house. The snap buttons on Tommy's shirt made it easy. There was no bra to pull off, just an undershirt, but in the moment, it didn't register as a meaningful difference.

Tommy's body was hot and moving, and doing everything to stay in contact with Buck's equally burning body.

Tommy called him puppy a couple of more times, but Buck figured maybe he didn't say his name loud enough and Tommy was improvising.

They stumbled through the house and managed to drag themselves to Tommy's bed. They spent long moments kissing. Buck got so lost in the pleasure, he wasn't in a hurry to move on from rutting and kissing. It was easy to make rutting feel juvenile, but Tommy made it feel sensual and heady. Tommy was doing more than half the work for him, pulling him close and guiding his movements. Their pants weren't even all the way off, yet Tommy made it feel painfully intimate.

After what felt like hours of Tommy's undivided attention, being fucked on all fours felt like a natural progression. Buck was an adventurous guy, and had been on the receiving end of anal before, so he knew what to do. The sheer size of Tommy's body and the way he could push Buck across the bed was new, but the anal itself wasn't.

In hindsight, it was easier to pick out the individual clues, but in the moment, Buck didn't question a single thing. Not the nickname, not the hand that wouldn't leave the back of his neck, none of it felt out of place.

*

In the morning, in the light of day, it all came together. Tommy greeted him, sleepy and happy, with light scritches under his chin. It felt good, like all the other things did. Buck knew enough to know that puppy meant something very specific here.

He didn't confirm nor deny anything. He was just lying there, wrapped in Tommy's sheets, looking. Looking at Tommy's face, his rumpled hair, his chest, his chest hair. Tommy's body was so broad. He took up so much space in the bed. There were red splotches on his arms. Buck was pretty sure he was the one who put them there.

Coming clean was probably the right thing to do, as much as he enjoyed the scritches. It wasn't even a lie at this point. Between the noise and the alcohol, he hadn't heard half of what Tommy said to him last night.

Just as he opened his mouth, Tommy asked if he was hungry.

”Ravenous.”

Tommy grinned at him and pecked his cheek. ”Bathroom's through there,” he pointed, and got out of bed. Buck watched him pull on briefs and sweats. There were more red splotches on Tommy's hips and thighs.

Buck wiped down in bathroom sink, too eager to get back to Tommy, to ask if he could grab a shower.

The morning after didn't usually look like this. Sitting in Tommy's kitchen, his body tingled in all the places Tommy kept petting him. He got a bit lost in his own head, thinking about touch starvation and skin hunger; topics he'd read about extensively over the years.

Tommy moved around, as he cooked breakfast for them, something Buck was usually the one doing; if he wasn't being herded out the door.

Tommy's t-shirt sat nicely on his body. Buck couldn't remember having had that thought before. It was just a regular t-shirt, but it bunched a bit at the hips, probably due to being caught in the waistband of Tommy's sweatpants. Buck shifted in his seat. He was only wearing a t-shirt and briefs himself, but it hadn't felt right to put his jeans on.

Tommy ate, standing up. He paid rapt attention to Buck's plate, making sure he had everything he could ask for. After Buck assured him he was full – twice – Tommy took a step back and inspected his legs.

”How're your knees?”

”How are they?”

”Pain, mobility – what're you working with?”

It felt shockingly intimate to be asked so frankly. ”Oh, uh. Yeah. Hurts,” Buck said and touched his thigh, above the knee. ”Kneeling hurts, but it's managable for a short time. The softer the surface the better.” Aside from the baseline of pain, kneeling was the biggest hurdle at work. He didn't know how much he did it, until he couldn't do it painlessly.

Tommy tilted his head in thought – notably not in pity. ”Does it get in the way of the puppy thing?”

It was the perfect time to clear up the misunderstanding, but Buck didn't.

”I can work around it,” Buck said, which was his standard reply, when his capabilities were questioned. Hurts like hell when I get home, but I can handle it, was the unspoken part.

”Do you have knee pads?”

Buck was so far out of his depth with the puppy thing. Knee pads made sense. If you were rolling around on the floor, pretending to be a dog, knee pads seemed obvious.

”I don't, no.”

”Mm,” Tommy hummed. ”Takes away from the experience?”

Buck had no idea, but he knew how mobility aids made him feel. ”It's not my favourite.”

”Is carpet enough?”

”Enough for what?” Tommy pointed behind Buck's back. Buck turned in his seat and looked to the living room. A thick rug was under the sofa and the coffee table. He licked his lips. ”Yeah,” he said. ”Looks soft enough.” For a short while, anyway.

Since he wasn't looking, he jumped when Tommy touched him. Tommy ruffled his hair, like you'd ruffle a dog.

”Finish your breakfast.”

Buck's thoughts were racing, but no matter how hard he thought, he came to the same conclusion: He didn't know anything about pretending to be a dog for sexual reasons. A lot of it was obvious. Submission was an easy thing to understand. So was role play. The way Tommy had treated him, from the moment they met, made it very obvious why people were into it.

But Buck knew enough about BDSM to know that there were layers to this stuff. Layers he didn't know about. Layers that went beyond the obvious. For a one time thing, he could probably get away with not knowing, but every time he looked at Tommy, he hoped it wasn't a one time thing.

Tommy took his empty plate and put it to the side. He lifted his chin, indicating the living room. ”You heading out, or do you wanna stick around for a bit?”

Buck grinned. ”I could be convinced.”

”Convinced, huh? Alright.” Tommy stood up and circled behind Buck's chair. He wrapped his arms around him from behind, and leaned in close, to speak in his ear, ”Good boys. Get rewards.”

Buck closed his eyes and took a deep breath. ”What kind?” Tommy laughed, deep and rumbly, against his back. ”I gotta know if it's worth it,” Buck said.

”My mouth,” Tommy said. ”Wherever you want it.”

His skin was heating up. Tommy could probably feel it.

”I can't– ” he cleared his throat. ”I can't crawl there.” He could, but the hardwood would kill his erection.

”I'm not asking you to,” Tommy said easily. He gave Buck a squeeze and stepped back. Buck turned in his seat, to watch Tommy walk to the sofa. He sat down, knees comfortably apart, arms along the top of the cushions.

Buck got up and followed. He tried not to look too eager, didn't walk too fast, but if this man wanted a good boy, Buck was going to be the best boy he'd ever had.

The rug felt thick and forgiving under his feet. He put his hands on Tommy's knees and lowered himself to the floor. It felt alright, sitting on his haunches. They looked at each other for a long moment.

Then Tommy patted his own chest. Buck's breathing hitched. It was a command. A command for Buck to put his hands on Tommy's chest. His face felt burning hot, but he did what Tommy asked him to. He used the sofa cushions on either side of Tommy's thighs, to pull himself up. Balanced on his knees, he leaned in, over Tommy's lap.

Tommy met him and kissed him softly. ”Good boy,” he said against Buck's lips. Once again, his hand found the back of Buck's neck. It felt warm and heavy – and big. It felt like being held in place. ”Knees OK?”

”They're fine.”

”Good,” Tommy smiled and kissed him again. ”Down.”

Buck sat back down, without thinking. His whole body felt coiled and ready, to do what Tommy asked him to. His eyes dropped to Tommy's dick. Tommy was his first man, but not his first phallus. He was fairly sure he could give Tommy a good time. Buck was nothing, if not enthusiastic and willing to learn.

Tommy leaned forward and wrapped Buck's face in his hands. The tips of his fingers scritched behind Buck's ears. ”You're the prettiest thing, you know that?”

”Thank you.”

Tommy grinned. ”Polite, too. Open up.” Tommy's thumb brushed along his lower lip, so Buck opened his mouth. He'd eaten just moments before. It made him self-concious about the state of his teeth. Tommy didn't seem to care. He dragged his thumb along the peaks of Buck's bottom teeth. It felt like an inspection.

Tommy pulled his hand away, only to return, sliding two fingers into Buck's open mouth. Buck closed his lips around them, but stopped, when Tommy clicked his tongue.

”Don't suck. Open.” Buck let his jaw drop down. ”Good boy,” Tommy muttered. He used the two fingers to stroke along the length of Buck's tongue, from the front to the back. Saliva pooled in his mouth, in the wake of Tommy's fingers.

Buck's brain was working overtime, trying to anticipate what came next. If he knew where they were going, he could prepare for it.

He was getting lightheaded from breathing in, every time Tommy's fingers approached the back of his throat, but Tommy stopped and withdrew, right before Buck's gag reflex could kick in.

Tommy removed his fingers from Buck's mouth, and wiped the saliva from his lips. ”Breathe, puppy. Deep breath, come on.”

Buck did as he was told. His eyes prickled a bit. Tommy was still holding the side of his face, firm and steady. He was resting both elbows on his thighs. The hand not cradling Buck's face, hung loosely between his legs, glistening with Buck's saliva.

”You get excited, huh?” Tommy smiled at him. Buck nodded. Tommy clicked his tongue again. ”Words, please.”

Buck jumped at the sound. ”Yea– Yes. I do, yes.” In an abstract sort of way, he knew he was getting hard, but all the good feelings sat in his head, not his groin.

When Tommy was happy, he held up his hand again. Buck's eyes darted between his face and his wet fingers. ”I want you to close your mouth, but no biting. Can you do that?”

”Yes,” Buck nodded and opened wide. Tommy chuckled and slid his fingers along Buck's tongue. Buck closed his mouth, as gently as he could. His teeth made contact, but he didn't bite down. In the brief moments they'd been in the open air, Tommy's fingers had cooled significantly. The contrast was startling to feel on his tongue. He looked up at Tommy, expectantly.

Tommy smiled warmly. He let go of Buck's face and curled his fingers, brushing them along the underside of Buck's chin. It tickled and Buck instinctively raised his jaw, biting down.

He knew right away what he'd done. He whimpered softly and tried to soothe the hurt to Tommy's fingers, with a gentle suck.

Tommy chuckled.

He'd done it on purpose.

Buck's brows furrowed, but he continued to keep Tommy's fingers safe in his mouth. Tommy leaned in close and said, ”Good boy, Evan.”

Buck flung himself backwards, nearly hitting the coffee table. He caught himself on his hands and looked at Tommy in confusion.

Alarmed, Tommy asked, ”You alright?”

”You called me Evan.”

Tommy frowned. ”Yes? Is it a trigger? Does it pull you out?”

Buck shook his head. It felt heavy. He couldn't think clearly. ”No. No, but no one calls me that.” He looked at Tommy's chest, instead of his face. It was the best he could do in terms of eye contact right now. ”Did I introduce myself that way?”

”You did.”

”Oh.”

”Are you OK?”

Was he? He couldn't tell. He closed his eyes for a moment. He shivered and open them again. That didn't feel good.

Suddenly, Tommy was on the floor with him. ”Look at me. Hey. Eyes on me. You're OK.”

Tommy hugged him. Buck held on tightly. He was suddenly overwhelmingly sad. And cold. He tucked his face into Tommy's shoulder. ”Sorry,” he muttered.

”Don't be,” Tommy said, hands stroking firmly up and down Buck's back. ”You didn't do anything wrong.”

”I freaked out over nothing, I–”

”Hey, no.” Tommy pulled back, so they could see each other's faces. ”We don't know each other that well. It happens. No one did anything wrong.” His fingers felt tacky against Buck's cheek. ”OK?”

Buck nodded, uncertain. It felt like an overreaction on his part.

Tommy clearly didn't think so. He pulled Buck close again and rocked them gently. ”You're a good boy. Such a sweet and good boy. I promise.”

It felt both silly and reassuring. Buck closed his eyes and let it happen. It took a moment, but he started feeling warm again. ”Sorry.”

”Nothing to be sorry for,” Tommy insisted.

Buck should just let it lie, but he couldn't, not yet.

”I bit you.”

Tommy chuckled. ”Because I tricked you.”

”That's a mean thing to do.”

Tommy repositioned him, so he could craddle the back of his head. ”I made some wrong assumptions. That's on me.” He didn't sound concerned at all. Maybe Buck shouldn't be either.

He nuzzled into Tommy. All that warm skin was making him feel funny.

”Wanna lie down?” Buck nodded. ”Alright, big guy, up we go,” Tommy said and moved them to the sofa. Tommy on the bottom, Buck on top.

Buck meant to say something. To apologise for freaking out, or for being weird, or sleepy, or whatever his stupid brain was doing, but lying on Tommy's chest gave him pause. Tommy's heart was beating under his ear. The window was right in his line of sight. He could see straight out, into the garden.

Buck stopped thinking for a while. He was just lying there, listening to Tommy's heartbeat, and watching the bugs outside.

It felt like waking up. Suddenly he was present and awake. He used his arms to prop himself up and look at Tommy.

”Did I sleep?”

Tommy smiled and ran a hand through Buck's hair, no doubt trying to make it lie flat. ”Not as far as I could tell, no.”

He sat up, climbed off of Tommy, and put his feet on the floor. ”I don't know why I did that.”

”I must've gotten something right,” Tommy said, still unconcerned. ”But we should've talked about it first. Forgot to get your safeword, which is my fault. I didn't know you'd react so much. You didn't, last night, but I should've asked anyway.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. ”I, uhm. I guess I didn't earn that reward, huh?” Buck joked.

Tommy sat up with a grunt. ”Of course, you did,” he smiled. ”If you want it.”

”Oh.”

”What do you want me to call you, by the way?”

”Evan's fine.”

Tommy's brows furrowed. ”You sure?”

”Yeah, you just,” he took a breath. ”Caught me by surprise.”

”I can keep calling you puppy, if you want. I don't mind.”

Buck laughed. ”Puppy is good, too. But Evan's fine.”

Tommy looked at him for a beat. ”Do you wanna do this again, or did I ruin it?” he smiled ruefully.

Buck took the time to really think about it. It was both surprising and not surprising at all, that Tommy's gender wasn't part of the consideration. Weirdly, it didn't feel like it mattered. He liked Tommy as a person.

”I'd like to be sober next time,” Buck said.

Tommy bit his lip, amusement in his face. ”You're hungover, too?”

”I've got a headache right here,” he pointed to his eye.

They both laughed. ”Listen,” Tommy said. ”I'll take the blame for everything, and I'll make it up to you. How does that sound?”

”Make it up to me?”

”Whatever you want. A nice dinner, a movie, sex. Whatever you want.”

”Did you fuck up that badly?” Buck teased.

It was Tommy's turn to blush. ”I'd like to see you again.”

”Wait, is it– Is it the puppy thing?”

The blush deepened. ”No. I love a puppy, don't get me wrong, but no. It's not the puppy thing.”

”I'd like that.”

”Yeah?”

”Yeah.”

Tommy smiled at him warmly. ”Let me get my phone.”

Buck took the time to do a little deep breathing, while Tommy was gone. Yesterday and today had been a rollercoaster. He was probably going to nap, after the got home.

Tommy handed him his phone. The name on the new contact was already filled in.

”Puppy Evan. You have other puppies in your phone?”

”I have another Evan.”

Buck grinned as he put in his number. ”And you wouldn't wanna call him puppy on accident?”

Tommy laughed and nudged him. ”We work together, so no.”

Buck handed the phone back, and Tommy started typing right away. He showed the screen again. A text adressed to Puppy Evan, saying, This is Tommy.

It made Buck's cheeks feel warm. He wanted to ask what to call Tommy, but feared he would give himself away. Maybe it was obvious, for people who did this stuff for real.

Tommy put the phone down, out of reach. ”So,” he smiled, ”you want that reward now, or do you wanna save it for next time?”

Buck felt awfully brazen, taking Tommy's face in his hands. ”I want your mouth right here,” he said and kissed him.

*

Tommy grinned. ”You're back.”

It didn't feel like a choice, not really. Buck couldn't stop thinking about him. They'd texted a bit, but not much. Both of them were busy. Buck had said yes, the moment their schedules lined up.

Buck stepped inside. Tommy took his jacket, then touched his lower back.

”Go wait in the bedroom, I'll be right with you.”

Buck toed off his shoes, and headed to the bedroom.

He'd read about this. There was a rug beside the bed, but it wasn't very thick. He looked around the room. There was a chair in the corner, with clothes on it. Buck looked to the door, but Tommy hadn't joined him yet. He went to the chair and found a throw pillow under the clothes, like he hoped he would.

Tommy hadn't specified, but Buck quickly took off his clothes, leaving his underpants on for now. He folded the clothes he took off and put them to the side.

When Tommy joined him, Buck was waiting by the side of the bed. Tommy paused in the door. Buck could hear his footsteps stop, then pick back up. He felt fingers in his hair. Tommy's fingertips against his scalp felt like a reward.

Tommy sat on the bed, slightly to the side of where Buck was kneeling. ”What's this?” he asked.

”Am I allowed on the bed?”

Tommy closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. When he opened his eyes, his pupils were blown. He reached to the side and patted the bed twice. The sound of his hand against the bedding was deafening. ”Up.”

Buck barely made it onto the mattress, before Tommy had him on his back. ”Good boy. Such a good boy,” he breathed into the crook of Buck's neck. ”My good boy.”

Buck exhaled deeply. He didn't know he wanted to be good, until Tommy told him he was.

The puppy thing didn't actually matter much. Buck didn't consider any research wasted, but Tommy didn't do anything that screamed puppy play. His hand kept wandering to Buck's nape, but that wasn't overtly anything.

Tommy was skilled and clearly very experienced. Buck feared he would be too in his head to enjoy it, but Tommy had him down in a matter of minutes.

Buck had a brief moment of clarity, right before he came. He hadn't worried about being a convincing puppy, since his knees hit the floor.

*

Thankfully, all his usual overthinking didn't happen around Tommy, it happened when he was alone. Buck was trying to figure out where to go from here. He'd sort of lied twice now, and he wasn't worried about coming clean, not really. Their chemistry was good. If he came clean, Tommy probably wouldn't kick him out of his house or anything dramatic like that, but the statement I am not a puppy wasn't factually true. Buck didn't actually know if he was.

Telling Tommy he wasn't, then asking if they could try it out, only to find out that he was a puppy, seemed needlessly complicated, and more than a little backwards.

No, it was much better to keep it going for now, and potentially come clean later. Maybe there was nothing to come clean about!

Or maybe Tommy would get tired of him, and he wouldn't have to say anything at all, because Tommy wouldn't care.

*

Sleep deprivation always led to bad decisions. Buck knew it was an issue, so he'd banned himself from making purchases or any big decisions, after working a forty-eight.

He'd managed to convince himself Tommy didn't count as a big decision.

”Evan?”

”Hi, Tommy,” Buck smiled, tired and a little delirious. He was going to sleep as soon as he hung up the phone. ”I've been thinking and I was wondering if we could – if you would be OK with something? If you wanna see me again, that is.”

”Define 'something'?” The smile was audible in his voice.

”The, uhm. The puppy thing?”

Tommy's voice went even warmer. ”What about the puppy thing?”

He had to force himself to use some of the vocabulary he'd learned. ”I was wondering if you wanted to play with me? But, uhm, no sex? If that's OK? Just the puppy… play.”

”I'd love to.”

”Yeah?” It came out a little breathless.

”When are you free?”

*

Buck was lying on Tommy's couch. Planning the scene was… it wasn't upsetting, but it was stressful. Hence the couch. Tommy could tell he was getting in his head about it, and suggested a reset. Tommy sat in the corner, against the armrest, and Buck was lying flat on his back, with his head on Tommy's thigh.

It had felt equal parts silly and natural, to bend his legs and his arms. At first, he'd clasped his hands on his chest, but then Tommy started stroking him, and he'd moved them. It felt odd to just have the hands lying there, on his chest, so he'd grabbed the collar of his t-shirt instead. It didn't feel quite right either, but then Tommy stroked his chest more firmly, and Buck forgot all about his own hands.

It was almost a sternal rub. Long, broad strokes up and down Buck's sternum, with the palm of his hand. It felt surprisingly nice. He was pretty sure he'd never been touched like this. Sternal rub, yes, with knuckles that felt painful and awful, with sensations radiating everywhere – but this wasn't that at all. Tommy's hand left a broad, warm stripe down the center of his body. The same path, over and over again. He didn't stray to Buck's nipples or pecs, just the middle, almost all the way to his bellybutton.

”Better?”

Buck had to force his eyes open, to look up at Tommy. ”Mm,” he hummed.

Tommy chuckled and brushed the hair off Buck's forehead. He paused the stroking, to move Buck's hands to a more comfortable position. His fingers curled all on their own, without his t-shirt to hold on to. Tommy placed Buck's hands just above his armpits, so his upper arms could rest on the cushion below him. He also urged Buck's bent knees to rest against the back of the couch.

Buck felt the difference right away. His arms and legs relaxed, and the rest of his body followed suit.

Tommy stroked him again, slower this time. Buck turned his head toward Tommy's stomach. He wasn't close enough to touch, but he could feel the warmth of his own breath bounce back against his face.

”Good boy,” Tommy said softly. As Buck's skin heated up under his hand, so did Tommy's palm. It was a feedback loop of heat.

Buck had read about subspace. It came up pretty often in his research. He wondered if this was that. This slow, syrupy feeling in his head. The Internet made it sound so complicated, but this didn't feel complicated at all. It felt peaceful. And warm.

It took a few minutes for his thoughts to connect to each other. When they finally did, all he could think of, was how he should've taken his shirt off before lying down. Tommy's hand on his bare skin was the only way this could possibly feel better.

His body rocked a bit, with the force of Tommy's hand. At first, he tried to brace himself, to prevent it, but the longer it went on, the more lax he went. It felt good to be moved by Tommy.

As his thoughts spun out, he imagined being carried by Tommy. Carried and lifted and moved, like he weighed nothing at all.

”You brought a bag,” Tommy said. ”What's in it?”

Buck appreciated how clear the question was. His brain was not operating at full capacity. ”Sweats.”

”Just sweats?”

”Mm,” he nodded. There was one or two doses of his emergency pain medication in one of the pockets. He kept them in all of his bags, he didn't pack them for this, even though he probably should have.

”You don't have any gear?”

Buck couldn't for the life of him imagine what gear meant. ”Like what?”

Tommy stroked his hair again. ”A blanket, a stuffed animal, a toy. Comfort stuff.”

He thought it over, as best as he could. A blanket sounded good.

Tommy chuckled. ”What're you smiling about?”

”Blanket,” Buck muttered. ”With the paw prints. You think they make them that big?” In his slightly altered state, it didn't occur to him that there was a whole industry built on this. The only thing he could imagine, was the normal pet store.

”Of course they do,” Tommy said easily. ”There are lots of big dogs. My neighbour has a borzoi.”

”What's that?”

”It's a big, skinny dog. Looks kind of medieval.”

”Oddly specific.”

”It's an odd looking dog.”

Tommy didn't push him to do anything. Or to snap out of it. He seemed perfectly happy, sitting here, petting Buck.

He looked at Tommy through his eyelashes. ”Can we do this instead of the other thing? Just this? Would that be OK?”

Tommy tugged on his hair. He'd skipped the products, and Tommy had definitely noticed. ”Wanna move to the bed? There's more room for us.”

Buck hummed. ”Bed sounds good.”

He didn't need to, but Tommy slipped his hand under Buck's head and gently lowered it to the couch cushion, when he moved out from under him. Tommy went ahead to his bedroom, leaving Buck to change his clothes, if he wanted to.

It took great effort to sit up. Buck took a moment to sit on the couch, and tried to get his brain back online. The purpose of being here, was to experiment and maybe impress Tommy a bit. He wasn't sure he could pull that off, when his brain kept reacting like this.

He exchanged his jeans for sweatpants and went to join Tommy in the bedroom. The bed was a good call. It was nice and big, Buck didn't have to worry about Tommy being uncomfortable.

He crawled onto the mattress and lied down, half on top of Tommy, where Tommy had made room for him.

”This isn't very exciting for you, is it?” he muttered into Tommy's chest.

”Doesn't have to be exciting. I like taking care of people,” Tommy said softly. ”Sometimes you need some closeness and some quiet.”

Buck wanted to argue that he didn't need it, but it was less about need, and more about not having someone he could ask. He had friends, but he'd never thought to ask for platonic cuddles.

”You smell nice.”

Tommy's chest shook with laughter, under his cheek. ”Thank you,” Tommy said. He had better access to Buck's body, when they lay like this. He brushed his big, warm hands up and down Buck's arms, his back.

Emotion was building at the back of his throat. He was having a hard time remembering the last person who'd touched him like this. It was likely the last person he'd had sex with, before Tommy, but he didn't remember who or when that was.

He felt small, in a way. He almost wanted to thank Tommy for being nice to him.

”Breathe,” Tommy said. His hand was doing the same stroking motion as before, but this time it was along his spine.

Buck did as he was told. He breathed in, nice and deep, then out, as much as a he could. He did it a few times over. Tommy rewarded him with a kiss to the top of his head.

Kisses.

Buck wanted kisses.

He propped himself up and kissed Tommy, before he could think too hard about it. Tommy made a small, surprised sound, but eagerly met him. He kept stroking Buck's back, slightly less coordinated.

It was the first time Buck was on top. Tommy took his weight so easily, Buck got a little dizzy with it. He didn't have to pay attention to where he was putting his weight, he could just focus on the kiss.

Buck shifted his attention from Tommy's mouth, to his cheek, his jaw, a detour to his earlobe, then down the side of his neck. He'd thought about this a lot, but couldn't quite imagine it. Part of him thought it was too messy, the other part thought it was hot. He opened his mouth wide, gently digging his teeth into Tommy's skin. Not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to feel it. He wasn't slobbering, but it was close.

Tommy shivered and chuckled, deep and amused. He scritched through the back of Buck's hair. ”There's my boy,” he said quietly, almost as if to himself.

Maybe it should have been off-putting, Buck wasn't Tommy's anything, but for whatever reason, it didn't feel possessive. It felt… Buck felt wanted.

”Why do you like puppies?” Buck murmured. Tommy cupped his face and stroked his cheeks with his thumbs. It was so easy to turn his head and catch Tommy's thumb in his mouth. He was used to having to be careful about teeth. It was freeing not having to do that. He sucked gently, letting his bottom teeth dig into the underside of Tommy's finger. His saliva was wet and shining in the crook of Tommy's neck.

Tommy just smiled. The rest of his fingers curled underneath Buck's chin. It tickled. ”Because puppies are sweet, and eager.” Buck hummed. ”And playful,” Tommy said. ”And messy.”

Buck let the finger slip from his mouth, leaving a wet trail of saliva down his chin. ”Messy?” Instead of replying, Tommy dragged his thumb through the saliva gathered in the corners of Buck's mouth, and smeared it around slowly. Across his bottom lip, his cupid's bow; dragged it along his cheek, until he ran out of moisture and the movement halted.

”You don't get self-concious.”

Buck laughed lightly. ”I get self-concious all the time.”

”Not about this,” Tommy said, hushed. Buck expected to get a smile or laugh in return, but Tommy looked at him with hunger. Like he couldn't quite believe Buck was there.

He wasn't wrong. Buck hadn't noticed, but he wasn't self-concious. Not about liking a man, not about his clumsy attempts at being a puppy. He got nervous about his outfit and what to text back, but the moment they were together, Buck didn't think about any of that.

He waited a moment, to see if Tommy would act on whatever he was feeling, but he didn't. Buck took it as permission to cuddle some more. He could get it up, if Tommy wanted to, but if given the choice, lying here, on Tommy's chest, was what he wanted.

The fingers in his hair got a little tighter, a little rougher, but Tommy didn't push for anything. Buck lied on his chest and all Tommy did was hold him.

He dozed off for a little bit, and Tommy didn't say anything about that either.

Everything felt syrupy and sweet. Warm. Every part of him relaxed in Tommy's presence. He didn't have to worry about anything. Tommy didn't mind having to clean up afterwards, or accidental marks, or when Buck got a little too eager. Quite the opposite, Tommy actually seemed to like it.

His t-shirt was plastered to his front. He could feel how damp the fabric was under his arms and where he was pressed to Tommy's body. He never wanted to leave. He wanted to stay here, with Tommy, where he didn't have to care about anything.

He felt a bit sheepish at the door, when it was time to head home. ”I'll think of something better, next time.”

Tommy looked pinched. ”Evan, I–”

”If you want there to be a next time,” Buck cut him off. ”It's OK if you don't.”

”Evan.” Tommy curled his hands around Buck's forearms and squeezed gently. ”If you want to do this again, just this, I'd be happy to. Is what I was going to say.”

”Oh. You mean no sex?”

Tommy smiled. ”I know we had sex the night we met, but if you wanted to do something else – like today – or something else entirely, I'm open to it.” His hands moved down, until they were holding hands. He had such nice hands.

”Really?” Buck asked, more than a little hopeful.

”Really.” Tommy looked at him softly. ”I like being with you, Evan.”

”I like being with you, too.”

*

They agreed to meet up for coffee. Buck was nervous about it. He didn't know what Tommy did for a living. Didn't know who Tommy was, outside of what they did together.

His biggest worry was how Tommy was going to treat him in public. Some people were great over text or even in private, but completely shut down in public settings. Buck wasn't sure how he'd react to being rejected. He'd reached a breaking point of sorts, not that long ago. He was done being around people who acted like they didn't want him, regardless of the circumstances.

He had no idea if Tommy would do that, but he was prepared to go home alone, if he had to. It would suck, but what they did in private couldn't make up for the rest.

As he stood outside the café, face turned toward the sun, Buck thought about how sad he would be to lose Tommy. He couldn't help but feel there was something there. Something real. He hadn't told anyone, but it didn't feel like a secret. It felt good.

If they kept seeing each other, he would tell people, but for the moment, what he had with Tommy was his and his alone. Free of scrutiny. Nothing he did with Tommy had to be justified to anyone else. He didn't have to explain to anyone why he was suddenly with a man, or how that made him feel.

It didn't make him feel anything. It felt right. Tommy being a man wasn't something he thought about at all. Not like that. It didn't feel like it mattered. Tommy being into kink felt much more significant than his gender. His age, too.

He'd been with older people before. Abby came to mind a lot. He recognised some of the same feelings with Tommy, except for the uncertainty. Abby had never quite met him in the middle. Tommy did. Tommy did more than that. Tommy was in it with him; all the way.

Buck didn't have to wait long, before Tommy came down the sidewalk. Tommy checked his watch. ”I thought I was early.”

”You are,” Buck smiled. ”I got tired of waiting at home.”

”Everything OK?”

”I didn't sleep well.” Brutal honesty was a gamble, but Buck went for it. ”I was too excited to see you.”

Tommy beamed at him. ”Hi, sweetheart,” he said. His hands found Buck's waist, as he leaned in. Tommy kissed him in public, right there on the sidewalk, without hesitation. Buck grabbed his hands, so they would stay on his waist a little longer.

They stood there, in the sun, smiling at each other. Buck couldn't help but feel like this was the real deal. They actually did have something here.

Tommy's hand stayed on his waist, as they walked inside and found a table. Buck couldn't stop smiling. It was a date – a first date – but he wasn't nervous.

The table was off to the side, a little more private than the others. There were other things he'd rather talk about, but it was standard practice to talk about work on a date, so Buck asked,

”What do you do for a living?”

”I'm a firefighter.”

”No way,” Buck leaned forward. ”I'm with the 118.”

Tommy's face was doing something complicated, but ultimately landed on a smile. ”I'm with the 217.”

”That's a crazy coincidence. Have we met before?”

”No,” Tommy shook his head. ”I would've remembered that.”

Buck preened. ”Am I that memorable?”

”You really need me to answer that?” Tommy looked at his lips, before he met his eyes.

”If you're trying to get into my pants, it's working.”

”They're nice pants,” Tommy said, eyes twinkling.

Buck stretched out his leg, under the table, and bumped his foot against Tommy's. ”217,” he said. ”That's Harbor, right?”

”It is.”

”So, what, you're a pilot?”

”I am,” he looked a little smug about it. As if he knew how hot that was.

”That is so cool.”

Tommy gently steered them away from work and into more personal stuff. Music, movies, hobbies. Buck treaded carefully, so as not to slip up. If kink was a big interest, surely he should mention that somewhere in there, but he didn't feel great about lying right now.

He got so caught up in keeping his story straight, he ended up stuttering more than he normally did. Tommy enveloped his hand and stroked his wrist gently.

”Take your time.”

”Sorry,” Buck ducked his head. ”My mouth can't always keep up. What about you?”

Tommy talked about himself, but didn't mention kink at all. Buck didn't know if it was down to the setting, or if kink just wasnt a big part of Tommy's life. When they were together, it seemed like it was, but maybe he didn't talk about it.

Buck felt much more at ease, when it was his turn to talk again. He didn't have to make anything up. Tommy was interested in what he had to say. Buck didn't have to hurry and say as much as he could, before his time ran out. He could pause and look for the words, without Tommy speaking over him or changing the subject. It took his breath away.

Tommy wanted to be there with him.

They ordered drinks twice, then a flaky pastry to share, just to stay a little longer.

If he had any more caffeine, it would mess with his sleep, so when Tommy's eyes drifted to the menu again, Buck asked, ”Would you like to come home with me?”

*

Buck had pure intentions, he really did, but maybe he hadn't communicated it well. Tommy complimented his loft, did a polite circuit of the ground floor, before heading up the stairs. Buck couldn't do anything but follow him.

At the top of the stairs, he found Tommy sitting cross-legged on his bed. He hadn't made the bed, before he left. He'd figured if they went anywhere after the date, it would've been to Tommy's place.

”Sit with me?” Tommy patted the bedding.

Buck kicked off his shoes, in the vague direction of where Tommy had discarded his. He got onto the bed, crossed his legs, and sat as close as he could, without climbing into Tommy's lap.

Tommy put his hands on Buck's thighs and rubbed them, in long firm strokes. He leaned in close, and Buck met him in the middle. Buck thought they were about to kiss, but Tommy leaned in further, until his face was resting in the crook of Buck's neck.

Buck didn't know what to do with his hands, so he put them on his knees. He didn't know what to do with the rest of his body either, without instruction from Tommy.

”Are you a puppy today?” Tommy said it so close, the sound felt like it resonated in Buck's chest.

It felt significant when he said, ”I am, with you.”

Tommy pulled on his thighs, even though there was nowhere for him to go. ”Wanna be good for me?” he muttered into Buck's skin.

”Please.” Buck didn't know where it came from. Tommy hadn't asked him to beg. Not now, not before.

With effort, Tommy pulled himself back up to sitting. He looked at Buck for a long moment, then, ”Open up.”

Buck didn't need to be told twice. Tommy put his thumb in Buck's mouth. The rest of his fingers curled under Buck's chin.

”Don't swallow.”

Buck's face instantly went hot, but he nodded. With the grip he had on Buck's jaw, Tommy gently opened his mouth a little wider. It wasn't uncomfortable. It was a foreign sensation, but nothing hurt or bothered him.

It took a moment before Buck understood the significance of not swallowing. Saliva was pooling at the sides of Tommy's thumb. Buck fought the urge to swallow. In his effort to hold still, the movement of his tongue pushed more saliva to the front. It didn't take long until it pooled around his bottom teeth.

Buck had to close his eyes, when he felt it move toward the indent in his lip, where Tommy's thumb was resting. He wouldn't feel it, but it was going to run down Tommy's fingers, maybe even down his hand and wrist.

”Good boy,” Tommy said, sweet and affectionate.

The sound of his voice made Buck swallow. His head was tilted forward. There was barely anything to swallow, at the back of his throat. All of it was rushing toward Tommy. He tried to say sorry, but it was hard to talk.

Tommy used his other hand to cradle Buck's face. His dry thumb stroked along Buck's cheekbone. ”You're being so good,” he said, voice low and warm.

Buck belatedly realised Tommy could feel everything. Every twitch of his jaw, his lips, his tongue. Even his breath was cascading down Tommy's hand. He could probably feel Buck's pulse thundering under his skin, with the hand cradling his face.

He still wasn't sure what Tommy got out of stuff like this. Fingers were sensitive, but Buck wasn't sucking or anything. Maybe it was the obedience. Most of the websites skipped over the dom's motivations or boiled it down to control. Tommy could probably tell him, but he'd have to be careful how he phrased it, to not let on that he wasn't as experienced as Tommy assumed.

Buck felt himself sink into it. Into the sensations, into his body. He felt present in a way he hadn't really experienced before. More often than not, he had to talk to feel anchored in the moment. Tommy wasn't asking him to do anything, other than be there with him.

The bed moved, as Tommy leaned forward. He guided Buck's forehead to his shoulder. It eased the strain on his neck.

It also pulled the saliva forward. There was no way it wasn't dripping down Tommy's arm. Buck opened his eyes, but it was too dark between them to tell. Tommy's body was shielding him fromt he light.

His thoughts were so slow. If he even had any. It didn't feel like much else existed. Just the feeling of Tommy in his mouth. Tommy's shoulder rose and fell in time with his breathing. It felt like waves. Waves rising and falling.

Tommy turned his head and spoke against the shell of Buck's ear, ”Are you ready to let go?”

Buck realised he was biting down. Not hard, but enough for his mouth to be most of the way closed. It took effort to unclench his jaw. He licked the pad of Tommy's thumb a few times, before he was ready to let him go.

Tommy's thumb slipped from his mouth, and he looked up, dazed. Tommy smiled at him.

”How're you feeling?”

Buck didn't know how to answer that. Didn't know if he could. Tommy laughed, but it didn't feel mean. Before he knew what was happening, the room tilted and he was lying down. Tommy's hands were on his ribs, guiding him down, and petting him. ”Easy,” he said softly.

Buck closed his eyes and breathed into the pillow for a few long moments.

”How do you do that?”

”Do what, sweetheart?”

”Make me feel this way.”

Tommy ran his fingers through Buck's hair. ”You're doing most of it.” It didn't sound right, but Tommy knew more about this stuff than he did.

Buck didn't get to rest long, before the bed dipped behind him. One moment, it felt like he was falling, the next, Tommy was spooned up behind him, warm and solid. His arms came around Buck's waist and held him close.

The feeling of Tommy's face pressed to the back of his neck, made him want to cry. With an arm that didn't feel like his own, Buck reached back and buried his fingers in Tommy's hair.

It was early in the afternoon, but he was ready to pass out.

By the time he thought to check the state of Tommy's arm, the skin had gone tacky and most of the moisture was rubbed into the bedding and their clothes.

Buck rubbed a spot where he could feel Tommy's arm hair sticking to his skin. ”Messy,” he muttered.

”Messy,” Tommy echoed.

*

It was kind of amazing how he could have had as much sex as he had and still discover new ways to do it. Tommy was broadening his horizons in ways he'd never considered.

He was in Tommy's bed again. Tommy was dressed, Buck was not. They were lying comfortably, facing each other. Tommy was petting him, with touches so light they tickled. He hadn't told Buck what they were doing, he only told him to relax and enjoy himself.

It felt unbearably intimate to be touched like this. Tommy was exploring his body with his fingers. His chest, his stomach, his hips, his thighs.

The focused attention was making him hard, but Tommy told him it was OK.

A lot of the attention was focused on his thighs. Tommy hadn't said, but Buck could tell he liked his leg hair. It was hard not to, when Tommy would mutter soft puppy while stroking and tugging on it.

He couldn't hide it, so he didn't try to, but it almost felt like he was insulting Tommy. His erection was resting on his thigh, a clear sign that he wasn't enjoying himself in the way Tommy probably intended him to. Tommy was doing a really nice thing for him, but Buck was turning it sexual.

”Breathe,” Tommy said.

Buck closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He adjusted the pillow under his head. His body felt tight, so he shifted a little bit, sinking further into the mattress, and tried to conciously relax.

Tommy touched his dick. It felt accidental, so Buck jerked his hips back and away.

Tommy looked at him softly, but didn't say anything. It wasn't an accident. Tommy touched him again. The back of his index finger stroked the underside of Buck's dick, from base to tip. The touch was light, to the point of shivers.

Tommy moved closer. He put his own pillow right next to Buck's, so they bumped against each other. Their faces were almost close enough to kiss. Almost. It was hard to keep breathing, when Tommy looked at him like that.

”Sweetest boy I've ever met,” Tommy smiled. It didn't sound like he was talking to Buck.

Buck felt heat pool in his skin. His cheeks, his ears, his chest. It took everything he had, to not react. Tommy curled his fingers around his dick and held it. There was no other word for it. He didn't squeeze, didn't stroke, didn't do anything. He just held him in his hand.

Not for the first time, Buck thought he might be able to come, if he thought really hard about it. Tommy wouldn't need to do anything other than be there.

”OK?”

”OK,” Buck confirmed quietly.

Tommy started moving. His hand went up and down, slowly. Enough pressure to feel, but not enough pressure to do more than that.

Handjobs were good. Great even, under the right circumstances. Buck had never gotten a handjob like this one. Tommy hadn't said, but it was clear Buck was supposed to keep eye contact. He almost couldn't do it. Tommy's hand on his dick, combined with eye contact, was close to too intimate. It felt like Tommy was looking into his soul.

Buck tried, but he couldn't relax into it. He didn't know what Tommy wanted. He could ask, but he wasn't good at that. Which Tommy knew, so maybe it was part of the plan. Maybe Tommy wanted him on edge. If he was making a point and trying to get Buck to speak up, that wasn't going to happen.

But maybe Tommy knew that, too.

Tommy's hand stopped moving. Buck made a squeaky little sound at the loss. Tommy smiled at him. He leaned in and kissed Buck. The kiss was almost chaste. A gentle press of Tommy's mouth to his.

”Always so sweet,” Tommy muttered into the kiss.

Buck let his jaw go slack, but didn't press. He didn't have to. Tommy's tongue came out to meet him. The first touch always left Buck's head spinning. Tommy liked it messy. He liked when saliva got everywhere. He liked it when Buck opened his mouth and let him do whatever he wanted with it. It was playful. Buck didn't care if it looked good, he cared that it felt good.

Tommy picked the strokes back up, same as before. Firm and steady, but not the kind of rythm that would get him off. At least Buck didn't think it was meant to get him off. He was getting off, whether Tommy picked up the pace or not.

”Tommy.” It came out more whimper-y than he intended it to.

He both felt and heard the smile on Tommy's face. ”Whenever you're ready.”

”Yeah?” Buck breathed.

”Anytime.”

Whether it happened sooner or later than Tommy anticipated, Buck didn't know, but his orgasm raced up his thighs and out of his body. His whole body shot forward, into Tommy's waiting arms. He was never, ever going to be able to explain to anybody how mindblowing it felt to be with Tommy. How Tommy could make even the smallest things feel so enormous. How Tommy could make a handjob feel like they'd been fucking for hours.

He'd left encounters with Tommy feeling like they'd gone four rounds, without either of them actually getting off. Orgasms were a treat to Tommy, not a goal.

Tommy rolled them, to free up his hands. He raked his hands up and down Buck's flanks, switching between nails and fingertips. Buck's skin was singing under the onslaught. He had half a mind to show concern for Tommy's clothes, but Tommy didn't entertain it. The wet mess between them soaked into Tommy's shirt and he didn't care.

Being at Tommy's mercy felt right. Buck was on top, but Tommy was never not in charge. As sweet and thoughtful as he was, there was no doubts about who was holding the leash. The bondage didn't feel restricting, it felt safe. Buck felt so overwhelmingly safe with Tommy.

He'd read about it, after their first night together. Read about submission. What it felt like. They were right. All of them. It didn't matter how tightly Tommy held him or held him down. How much control he had. Buck felt free.

He didn't even have to work for it. It took close to no effort to be what Tommy wanted him to be. He could just turn his brain off and go.

*

”Want some floor time?”

Yes. Yes, he wanted that. He had no idea what it meant, but the way Tommy said it made Buck want it more than anything.

Tommy laughed and kissed him softly. ”Let me set it up. I want you comfortable. Sit.”

Buck sat in the chair, like Tommy told him to. He watched eagerly, as Tommy went back and forth, gathering stuff. The first thing was a yoga mat. Tommy unrolled it infront of the sofa. Then came two pillows from his bed. One went on the floor, on top of the yoga mat, the other went onto the end of the sofa.

Buck was on the edge of his seat. He couldn't quite put the pieces together, but he was excited to see what they were about to do.

Tommy sat on the sofa and pulled his feet up. ”Lie down,” he said, indicating the mat. ”On your back.”

Buck got down on the floor and crawled there. The mat on top of the rug was softer than he thought it would be. He got on his back, head on the pillow, and looked up at Tommy. Tommy was so far above him, he had to remind himself to keep breathing.

Tommy leaned over the edge of the sofa and rubbed Buck's tummy. ”Comfy?”

Buck laughed. He could feel how red his face was. ”I'm good.”

”Yeah, you are,” Tommy grinned. He withdrew his hand and got settled on the sofa.

Then he uncurled his legs and put his feet on Buck's stomach.

”Oh, my God,” Buck whimpered. He hid under his arms, while doing his damnedest to breathe nice and deep. His entire body was burning. The weight of Tommy's legs was making his head spin.

”Too much?”

”No!” Buck grabbed his ankles, so Tommy couldn't take them away.

Tommy bit his lip, but it was obvious he was beaming. ”Alright,” he said and settled more deeply. ”The extra pillow is for your knees, if you want it. Just let me know.” He paused, then smirked. ”If you can't speak, just tap my leg.”

Buck closed his eyes. ”Oh, my God,” he breathed. ”OK.”

Tommy made an amused sound, but didn't outright laugh. Buck heard the TV turn on, volume low.

He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. He didn't know what to do. His heart was racing, his skin was burning, but he didn't know what to do. Tommy's feet were under his hands. His socked feet. He felt pinned to the floor.

Buck stuck a finger under the cuff, then dragged the sock down and off Tommy's foot. He did the same to the other one. He folded them, so they wouldn't get separated, and put them on the floor beside him. His hands were shaking, when he settled them on top of Tommy's feet. There were soft indents in his skin, from the socks.

Buck was turned on in ways he'd never experienced before. He wasn't hard, but his body felt so undeniably turned on. It was all-consuming.

As part of his research on kink, he'd done a deep dive on sexual arousal. It was as much a mental thing as it was a physical thing. It was much more complicated than having an erection.

He'd done a detour on erectile dysfunction, which was actually really interesting. And reassuring, as the data showed, it was more than possible to have a fulfilling and satisfying sex life, without being able to maintain an erection. Buck hadn't experienced that problem, but statistically speaking, he would.

Dysfunction implied a reoccurring problem. Of course there had been moments where he wanted to get hard, but couldn't, but he was pretty sure those were down to alcohol, so he didn't think that counted.

Tommy would be such a good partner to have, if he ever got issues like that. Time and time again, Tommy showed him he didn't need his dick at all, to feel good.

Tommy was so good to him.

”Having a good time?” Tommy's voice only just cut through the fog.

It took effort to not simply moan in reply. ”The best time.”

Tommy chuckled. ”I take it you don't wanna come up here?”

He did, but he wanted both. Buck wanted to stay, but he also wanted to climb on top of Tommy. Or maybe put his head in Tommy's lap. Sometimes Tommy pet him so much, the product in his hair rubbed out.

But waiting also felt good. That was another research topic. Edging. Keeping the fire going. The concept wasn't new, but he hadn't known just how long you could keep it going. Some people did it for days on end, if not longer. Buck wasn't sure he could stand to do that. Although, his and Tommy's schedules didn't always align well, so maybe it was worth considering.

”Not yet.”

Buck was both inside and outside of his body at once. His limbs felt light and tingling. He was warm all over. Tommy gently moved his feet from side to side and Buck's whole body moved with him.

As much as he wanted to stay, the longer he lay there, the more his skin was buzzing. If he didn't get up soon, he was going to fidget with more than just Tommy's feet.

Gently, Buck tranferred Tommy's feet to the floor. Tommy was slouched in his seat. His knees were nice and far apart. Buck's body fit perfectly between them. He meant to do something else, he really did, but he was on his knees, between Tommy's legs. He pressed his face to Tommy's dick. It twitched against his face.

”Hi, puppy.”

”Mm.”

”Wanna use your mouth?”

”Mm-hm,” Buck nodded, but he wasn't in a hurry to get there. He wanted to stay, nuzzled into Tommy. He was so happy Tommy was wearing sweats. They were thin enough that Buck could feel the shape of him against his face.

”Sweet boy,” Tommy hummed. ”Always so sweet to me.” He cupped the back of Buck's neck, palm warm and firm. Tommy was the best. Buck could feel how turned on he was, but he rolled with everything Buck threw at him. He didn't get frustrated, when things took a sudden turn. If Buck wanted to spend the next hour, right here, nuzzling Tommy's dick, Tommy would let him.

Buck whined softly. ”I want– I want–”

Tommy stroked his cheek. ”Yeah?”

Buck frowned. He wasn't sure, all he knew was that he wanted something. The knowledge was there, but out of reach. He had a list on his phone, of things he wanted to try, but he couldn't remember any of them.

He must have whined again, because Tommy leaned forward, urging him up. ”Let's get you off your knees.” Tommy pulled him to his feet, and got him into the bedroom on shaky legs.

Buck still hadn't corrected him about his knees. Hadn't told him it was a leg thing and not a knee thing. Maybe the distinction didn't matter. Buck hadn't tapped out yet. Tommy didn't give him a chance to. He paid such close attention, he moved them before Buck even registered he was uncomfortable.

”My knees are fine,” he felt the need to say. ”I could've stayed.”

Tommy smiled at him. ”I wanna know why my puppy is so unhappy,” he quirked a brow teasingly, ”and I don't think your brain works very well when you're down there.”

He had a point, but Buck looked at Tommy's bed. ”You think my brain works better in here?”

”If not, I'll dig it out of you. Lie down.”

Buck crawled onto the bed, flopping down in the center. Tommy climbed on after him, flopping down, too. It pushed the air out of Buck's lungs. Tommy's body was like a weighted blanket.

”Talk to me,” Tommy muttered into the crook of his neck. ”What's up?”

Buck wrestled his arms and legs free, so he could wrap them around Tommy's body, and cling. ”I want everything with you,” he said quietly.

Tommy made him feel like a teenager again. Made him feel like when he just discovered kissing and it was the only thing on his mind. Buck went limp like a ragdoll. All his focus was on his mouth, on Tommy's mouth.

Tommy moaned softly, as their kiss went deep, to gentle, to deep again. ”You can have anything you want,” he said between one kiss and the next, ”all you have to do is ask.”

Buck let Tommy kiss him, until he almost lost his train of thought. ”I wanna be on top.”

Tommy grinned against his lips, and flipped them. Buck was desoriented for a beat, before he identified which way was up.

”You're on top. Now what?” Tommy teased. Without the mattress in the way, his hands dipped under Buck's t-shirt and sweatpants.

Buck whined, hiding his face in Tommy's neck. Goosebumps spread out from where Tommy was touching his lower back. His hips hitched in response. Tommy bullied his thigh between Buck's legs, to give him something to move against.

”You're being mean,” he muttered.

”I know, sweetheart,” Tommy said, unrepentant. He grabbed Buck's upper thigh, right below his ass cheek, urging him to move. Buck barely needed encouragement, his body was already moving of its own accord. ”Is this what you want?” he asked into Buck's hair.

Instead of answering, Buck stuck his hands up under Tommy's shirt, fingers digging into his ribs. The skin jumped under his fingertips. Tommy was just on the side of ticklish. Buck rutted against his thigh, but he couldn't get as much purchase as he wanted.

He made a distressed little sound and rolled off of Tommy. He was too close to the edge of the mattress, and Tommy's arm shot out, grasping at his skin. Buck was close enough for his stomach to swoop, as the mattress dipped, but balanced enough to stay topside. He wrestled off his sweatpants, then climbed back on. Sitting up gave him much more control. He sat back and aligned himself with the meatiest part of Tommy's thigh. Before he could move too much, he realised his error.

It was too late, everything was already uncomfortably wet. ”I didn't bring any underwear.”

”You can have some of mine.”

”Yeah?”

”Of course.”

”I can wear yours?”

Tommy smiled and pulled him close. ”That excites you, huh?” he teased. Buck whined and hid his face in Tommy's neck.

Tommy got a hold of Buck's hips and helped him keep the movement going. His fingers dipped under the waistband, as he said, ”I'll clean you up after.”

The thought of Tommy's hands on his skin, his strong, gentle hands, cleaning up his mess, had Buck panting. He angled his hips down, to get more pressure. The fabric of his underwear was slip sliding against his skin, wet and dragging.

He propped himself up, hands on Tommy's chest. He watched himself, watched his dick strain against his underwear, watched the fabric of Tommy's sweatpants shift along his thigh with the friction.

”You've got it,” Tommy breathed. ”You've got it, puppy. Sweet boy.”

Tommy was hard, too, but he didn't draw attention to it. There was no give and take. No, that wasn't right. Tommy was giving and Buck was taking. Buck was at the center of all this; at Tommy's center.

Breathless, he met Tommy's eyes. His cheeks were flushed, his neck was rosy. He looked at Buck like he was the only thing that mattered. Like the house could come down around them and Tommy's eyes wouldn't stray.

Tommy's hands moved down, down to stroke through the hair on Buck's thighs. Buck watched with rapt attention, as his hands moved up. Tommy didn't touch, didn't help. His fingers teased the hem of his underwear, fingers worming their way up under Buck's boxerbriefs. The legs bunched up in the crease of his thighs, making them feel impossibly tighter.

Part of him wanted to discard them, to relieve the pressure, to have Tommy take over and wring it out of him. But a stronger, louder part of him wanted it just like this. Wanted to be uncomfortable, wanted to be wet and confined, wanted to prove to Tommy he could do it.

”Close?” Buck saw it more than he heard it. Saw it in the shape of Tommy's mouth, his tongue against his teeth.

Buck couldn't get the words out; didn't know what he would say, if he could.

Tommy's hands moved again. His thumb, still trapped under the fabric, made its way to Buck's inner thigh. He didn't touch anything particularly sensitive, but the sheer implication, the threat of something more, was enough to make him come. Buck came in his underwear, shoulders curling in, fingers digging into the meat of Tommy's chest.

”There you go,” Tommy said, voice breathy and warm. He touched the outside of Buck's thighs, in long, broad strokes, keeping him grounded. ”Good boy.”

The space between them felt like a vacuum, pulling him forward. Tommy was giving him space, leaving it to Buck to let him know what he needed.

Buck's hips ached with it, as he leaned forward, into Tommy's waiting arms, the weight of them holding him tight. Tommy's hands were everywhere. Along the length of his spine, the back of his neck, his hair, behind his ears. His lungs felt compressed, as he panted against the side of Tommy's face, trying to breathe.

”So good for me,” Tommy's voice wrapped around him. ”Always so good for me.”

His heart was hammering in his chest. He felt good, but he was on the edge of… something. Something that wasn't good – or maybe too good.

”You OK?” Tommy asked, when he didn't come out fast enough.

Buck took a shaking breath. ”I don't know. I think so?” Warm hands cupped his face and pulled him out of hiding. Tommy's brows were furrowed, eyes full of emotions Buck couldn't identify.

Tommy took his hand, holding it to his own chest, just off center. ”Breathe with me,” he said, holding Buck's face and hand.

Tommy's heart was beating against his palm, elevated, but better than his own. He followed Tommy's rythm, deep breath in, long breath out. Everything narrowed down to the two of them, until the only thing that existed was Tommy's body, and the bedding under his knees.

Tommy's thumb dug into the inside of his wrist and it felt like waking up. He could feel the texture of Tommy's t-shirt, the bunched up sheet putting pressure on the side of his knee, the thickness of Tommy's calluses against his face.

”There you are.”

Buck huffed. ”Here I am.”

”Wanna get cleaned up?”

”Please. Might need your help getting unfolded.” Tommy chuckled, and helped Buck down. His legs were stiff and dead, but Tommy made sure the dismount went smoothly. ”Fuck. I'm not in my twenties anymore,” Buck groaned.

”I should hope not. That's too young for me,” Tommy teased and dragged him off the bed.

In the bathroom, Tommy turned on the faucet. While he waited for the water to get hot, he turned to Buck. His fingers hooked into the elastic on either side of Buck's hips, and pulled his briefs down. Buck wrinkled his nose at the feeling and the sight of it. Tommy didn't. He just bunched them up and put them to the side.

The washcloths were under the sink. Tommy grabbed one and stuck it under the tap. ”Did it get on your shirt?” he asked.

”I don't think so.”

With his dry hand, Tommy grabbed the hem of Buck's shirt, bunched it up, and made Buck hold it in place. Buck stood there, holding his shirt against his stomach with both arms, brain buzzing like a beehive, while Tommy cleaned him up. He was so gentle. The washcloth was soft, the water was nice and warm.

Tommy glanced up. ”Doing OK?”

Buck nodded. It was all he could do. Tommy was on his knees and Buck's brain was humming. The top of Tommy's head looked fluffy. Like he just woke up from a nap. Mindlessly, Buck reached out and petted him. Felt the curly hair between his fingers. It was so soft.

Tommy chuckled, and tossed the washcloth into the sink. He was done, but he stayed down there, on the bath mat, so Buck could keep exploring.

”Still unhappy?”

”I wasn't unhappy,” Buck muttered. He let his shirt fall, to free up his hand. Tommy's hair felt silky soft between his fingers. ”I didn't know what I wanted. I want everything, all at once. Makes it hard to choose.”

Tommy smiled softly. ”You want options? Less things to choose from? Would that be easier?”

”I think so,” Buck nodded.

It felt off, seeing him down there, with Buck's hands in his hair. He didn't get on his knees for Buck, not like this. He'd probably do it, if Buck asked for it, but he couldn't imagine doing that. Tommy didn't belong there.

Tommy grunted and got to his feet. He was still excited, but he didn't ask for anything. Instead, he took Buck's hand in his own and led them back into the bedroom.

Tommy pulled open a drawer and gestured to a sea of cotton, in sensible, dark colours. ”Pick whatever you want, I'll get you some sweats.”

He had permission, but it still felt naughty to go through someone else's underwear. He chose a pair of blue briefs. They were smaller than what Buck typically wore. Less coverage. As he pulled them on, he was struck by how sexy it felt. He couldn't think of a single time he'd thought men's underwear was hot. Sometimes, a peek of waistband was oddly alluring, but not in the same way lingerie was.

Wearing Tommy's briefs was definitely in the same category as women in lingerie.

He startled a bit, when Tommy wrapped around him from the back, muttering, ”You're all leg, huh?” and kissed him right behind the ear.

Buck giggled. ”I know.”

”Gorgeous boy,” Tommy hummed and handed him the sweats. ”Almost a shame to put all this away.”

Tommy ran his fingers through the hair on his thighs, and Buck practically melted. ”I don't– I don't have to?”

”Yeah? You wanna show off for me?”

Too honest, perhaps, but it tumbled out anyway, ”I'll do anything you want.”

Tommy's eyes turned soft. A softness Buck only got glimpses of. Tommy had a knack for turning his head at just the right moment; away from where Buck could see it.

Tommy took the sweats and tossed them on the bed behind them. He wrapped his arms around Buck, squeezing tightly, just on the edge of painful. It wasn't seductive, it wasn't sexy, it was a hug. A heartfelt one. ”My best boy,” he muffled into the crook of Buck's neck.

*

The guilt moved into stomachache territory. Tommy deserved to know the truth. Nothing needed to change, but Buck wouldn't feel right going on like this. They weren't a couple, but it felt like they could be. They'd only gone out a couple of times, but what they did in private, it felt intimate; a lot more intimate than Buck had ever been with a casual partner. They hung out for hours, sometimes days, often without having sex or playing.

Well. They were always playing at least a little bit. Buck couldn't stand still without getting scritched.

Buck hadn't had a boyfriend before, and according to his research, lots of people had play arrangements, but it really did feel like a romantic relationship. If Tommy had been a woman, Buck was pretty sure he would've already called him his girlfriend, or at the very least asked.

They hung out at Tommy's again. Buck sort of expected them to have sex, but when he arrived, Tommy was lounging in the living room, listening to music. He didn't seem to be in a hurry to get down to business, so Buck lied with him on the couch, tucked between the cushions and Tommy's body. A rock station or playlist or something was playing on the stereo.

He was halfway asleep when Tommy shuffled out from under him. He grumbled about it, but Tommy just laughed and ruffled his hair.

Buck breathed deeply and rubbed his face into the cushion, where Tommy's body heat was clinging to the fabric. He needed to snap out of it.

While Tommy was in the bathroom, Buck shook himself off and tried to get back on track. He needed to be awake and alert for this. He'd been writing speeches in his head, trying to get it right. He somehow always managed to say the wrong thing. The stomachache had been dormant, while Tommy tugged on his hair, but he was alone now and the stomachache was back.

The faucet in the kitchen turned on.

Buck got to his feet and rubbed his eyes, in an attempt to look awake. He leaned in the door and looked at Tommy's back. He was wearing the hell out of that t-shirt. ”I, uh. I need to tell you something.”

Tommy looked over his shoulder. ”Sounds serious.”

”It's not,” Buck smiled. ”Not to me, anyway.”

Tommy gulped half a glass of water, then put it down, and leaned on the counter. ”Alright, lay it on me.”

He took a deep breath. ”I'm not a puppy. Or I am, but I wasn't when we met.”

Tommy frowned. ”Come again?”

Buck wrung his hands, then caught himself doing it, and stuck them into his pockets instead. ”I didn't know what you meant, when you called me puppy, and by the time I did, I didn't correct you.”

The blood slowly drained from Tommy's face. ”What?”

”I played along, which,” Buck huffed. ”Maybe that was bad, I don't know. And then I kept playing along, which I know was bad, but I liked it?” He shrugged. ”I guess I wanted to see where it would go.”

Tommy fumbled for a chair back, and sat down heavily. The dining chair creaked at the force. ”What?” he said again.

”Are you freaking out?”

Tommy was still clutching the back of the chair. ”I'm trying to remember all the things I made you do.”

”Tommy. You didn't make me do anything.” Buck came around the table.

Tommy closed his eyes and grimaced. ”Explain to me how this whole thing isn't one big consent violation?”

Buck didn't expect this reaction. He pulled up another chair and sat close enough that their knees slotted into each other. He took Tommy's hand in both of his own, holding it firmly. With a deep breath, he tried to explain what had happened, in the least upsetting way he could,

”I like you, Tommy. I loved dancing with you, I had an amazing time when you took me home. I misunderstood what it meant when you called me puppy, and when I realised what you meant, I got curious, so I made it up as a went along. This next part is going to sound bad – ”

Tommy looked at him with wide eyes.

” – but it's not. I wanted to see you again and I thought being a puppy was the way to do that. I didn't do anything I didn't want to do. I mean it when I say I was curious. I did some research, and it sounded fun. I figured it would be easier to try first, and then come clean if I didn't like it.”

”Oh, my God,” Tommy braced himself on his thigh, head heavy between his shoulders.

”But I liked it, Tommy,” Buck said, with feeling. ”I liked it so much. And you're so good. I've never felt the way I feel with you.” He knew he should come clean about the gender stuff, too, but Tommy didn't look stable enough for that.

Tommy squeezed his hand. His finger bones grinded a bit. ”You should've said something.”

”I know,” Buck said, apologetically.

”That is, that is so irresponsible. I could've hurt you.”

Buck smiled. ”No. You couldn't. You've been so kind and so gentle the entire time I've known you.”

”So you're a crazy person.” Ordinarily, it would've stung, but Tommy was still holding his hand; still looking at him.

”You've never given me a reason not to trust you,” Buck said.

”If you were actually into kink, you would know how not OK this is.”

”I looked it up. So I do know.”

”Fuck.” Tommy ran a hand down his face. ”I don't know how to feel about this.” He looked a little wild around the eyes, but he didn't look disgusted, or like he was about to throw Buck out of his house.

”I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner – but I was right. I am a puppy, I just didn't know it,” Buck said.

”That is so not how kink works.”

”I'm trying to be funny.”

”You're not.” Buck pouted. ”Put that away,” Tommy said.

”Put what away?”

”Your face.”

Buck ducked his head, smiling. ”Sorry.”

The conversation halted. They sat in silence for a little bit. Buck got more and more worked up by the second. It was starting to feel like the prelude to a break up. Before his knee started bouncing, he said, ”I need you to tell me it's OK. That we are OK.”

Tommy raised his head. He seemed startled by whatever was showing on his face. ”Evan–”

”Please?”

Tommy took a deep breath. ”You can't ever do that again.”

”I know it doesn't make it right, but I was afraid you wouldn't want me, if you knew I wasn't like you.”

”Like me? How are you not like me?”

Where to start? ”I don't call strangers puppy, for one.”

Tommy cringed. ”About that. I– Things had been stressful at work, and I needed to get out of my head. I'd been drinking – a lot more than I usually do – and then you bumped into me.” His face lit up. ”You were smiling and laughing and having the kind of night I wanted to have. Clearly I saw some things that weren't there.”

Buck wrapped his arms around Tommy's neck. ”What did you see?”

”The kind of guy I could get hung up on.”

”Did you?”

Tommy laughed. ”Are you ever gonna stop fishing?”

”No,” Buck grinned.

Tommy brushed their noses together. ”Good.”

Buck couldn't help himself. He got out of his chair and straddled Tommy. Tommy kissed him, slow and tender. His hands found Buck's waist, shirt scrunching under his fingers.

”You really didn't think it was weird I called you puppy?”

”I've been called a lot of weird things. I thought you meant I gave off golden retriever vibes – which I've been told before.”

Golden retriever vibes, Tommy mouthed. ”Did you even know what puppy play was?”

”I mean, sort of? It's in the name. And I've been to certain parts of certain websites,” Buck smirked. ”It's actually super interesting. All the different ways to do it, the safety protocols, the psychology of it all, the community aspect. Lots of really cool stuff.”

Tommy looked amused. ”It is cool.”

Buck ducked his head. ”I wanted to make sure I knew how to do it right, for you.”

”You did all that for me?”

Buck bit his lip. His face was burning hot. ”You made me feel really good.” He looked up through his eyelashes. ”All the touching, and the petting. I wanted to return the favour.”

”You thought you weren't already doing that?”

”I was?”

”Evan, you're a dream. You've been making me feel good, since the moment we met.”

”Oh.”

”I appreciate the effort. I really had no idea you weren't into this.”

”But that's the thing, I am into it! The second I realised what was going on, I was into it – even more so when I researched it!”

”Uh-huh. And when exactly did you realise what was going on?”

”When– When I woke up in your bed and you scritched my chin.”

Tommy shook his head. ”You think well on your feet.”

”Thank you,” Buck grinned. ”It's not like it was the first time that happened. Sometimes it just happens, you know? A girl will ask you to put your hand on her throat and you just roll with it.”

”A girl?”

”A woman, sorry.”

Tommy looked at him for a beat. ”Right.”

”That hasn't happened to you?”

”Not unexpectedly, no. I usually know what I'm in for.”

”Right.” Buck's cheeks went hot. ”You do this for real.”

Tommy made their noses touch. ”So do you.” Buck was ready to argue, but Tommy continued before he could, ”The things you've done with me, you can't pretend to do that.”

Buck went a little breathless. Titles like sub and pet went through his head. And dom. ”I–I guess that's true.”

Tommy was his dom. He had a dom.

Tommy smiled at him and nuzzled a little closer. ”Was going to coach you through biting me today.”

Buck's mouth watered. He couldn't tell if it was the coaching or the biting. ”You think– You think I need coaching?”

”Evan, you don't even leave marks. Yes, you need coaching.”

”I've bit you before!”

Tommy tilted his head and smiled. ”Yes. It was very sweet and very delicate. The spit lasted longer than the marks.” He touched his own shoulder. ”I want a bruise right here. One I can feel, when I wear my turnouts.”

Buck's eyes went unfocused. Tommy leaned in. ”There you are,” he smiled warmly. ”Hi, puppy.”

Buck had half a mind to bark, just to make Tommy laugh.

Tommy pulled him close and rested his forehead on Buck's shoulder. ”I'm gonna have stress dreams tonight.”

His tongue felt thick in his mouth. ”Because of me?”

”This could've gone really, really wrong.”

He stuck his nose into the crook of Tommy's neck. ”But it didn't.”

”Mm,” Tommy hummed. He raised his hand, curling his fingers under Buck's chin. ”I made you drool all over yourself. Why'd you go along with that?”

His whole body felt warm. ”I don't really think, when I'm with you.”

”Clearly not.”

”Hey!” Tommy's fingers pushed up, making him close his mouth. Buck didn't care, he spoke anyway. ”If you'd pulled out a rubber tail, I would've run for the hills.”

”That actually makes me feel better.” Tommy pulled back, so they could look at each other. Buck looked at him in confusion. ”Means you have boundaries,” Tommy said.

”I have boundaries.” Tommy didn't look convinced. ”When you have a face like yours, people have fewer boundaries. That's not on me.”

”You like my face?” Tommy asked, looking a little smug.

”Mm. It's a good face.” Tommy's face crinkled up in response. Buck was helpless not to touch. He traced the happy lines around Tommy's mouth with his fingers. ”A really good face.”

Tommy leaned into the touch, turning just enough to kiss Buck's fingers. He tilted his head, eyes playful. ”Wanna test your bite strength?”

”Now?”

Tommy grabbed him by the thighs and stood up. Buck yelped and clung on. He could both feel and hear Tommy's chuckle. He looked around wildly, trying to figure out where they were going.

Tommy carried him to the couch. They managed to sit down without any bodyparts getting squished.

”That was stupidly hot.”

Tommy grabbed him by the face and licked into his mouth. Buck's body instinctually surged forward to meet him. His thighs slid further apart, knees digging into the gaps between the cushions, back arching to press as much of his chest to Tommy's as possible.

Tommy gathered Buck's shirt with his hands, pushing it up the slope of his back. His fingers, as gentle and warm as they ever were, touched as much of his skin as they could reach.

They were both sufficiently out of breath, when Tommy's hand came up and cupped the front of his throat, urging him back. Buck blinked at him slowly, breathing through his mouth, lips tingling.

”Gorgeous boy.”

Buck squirmed. ”Where do you–”

Tommy grabbed his shirt and tugged it up, over his head, tossing it aside. He pinched his own skin, midway between neck and shoulder. ”Right here.”

It was a good spot. Out of the way of neck and arm holes, but still right there. Buck licked his lips. He looked at Tommy first, to check in. Tommy nodded, so Buck leaned in. He pressed his teeth to the skin and breathed for a moment, before he applied pressure.

His teeth sunk into Tommy's skin so easily. He tried, he really did. It felt like he was biting hard.

Tommy's hand came up, to palm the back of his head. ”Come on, I can barely feel it.” Buck whined in distress. ”You're not hurting me,” Tommy said.

Buck sat back on Tommy's knees. He felt a string of spit break and stick to his chin. His whole face felt wet.

”I-I don't know if I can.”

Tommy grabbed his wrists and guided Buck's hands over his shoulders, to the back of the couch. ”Grab the back. Not the cushions, the back.”

The padded wooden frame of the couch felt good and solid under his hands; nothing like the soft squish of Tommy's body.

”Try again,” Tommy said. ”Squeeze as hard as you can and try again.”

Buck did as he was told. He leaned in, teeth meeting the give of Tommy's skin. His teeth slotted into the indents he'd already made. He closed his eyes and bit down. It felt weird, but squeezing the couch at the same time, made the bite feel less severe. Buck had no idea how Tommy knew splitting his focus like this would help.

He bit as hard as he could, but it wasn't hard at all. His brain kept reminding him he was biting a person. He remembered reading somewhere that biting off a finger, took the same strength as biting a carrot; the brain was what made it hard. Buck wasn't sure that was a threshold he could cross.

After what felt like a very pathetic attempt, Buck pulled back and looked at what he'd done; at the indents and the colour. ”I don't like this.”

Tommy chuckled. ”Sweetheart.” Buck hugged him tightly, whimpering softly. ”Hey. Hey, it's OK,” Tommy said. ”You're OK.”

It didn't feel OK. Biting so hard didn't feel good, not being able to do what Tommy wanted didn't feel good. Tommy's hands were back under his shirt, holding on to his heaving ribs.

Tommy kissed the side of his head, and murmured, ”Keep breathing, puppy. You did everything right, I promise.”

Buck held on to Tommy's words, and did what he could to not get sucked down into the vortex. He stuck his nose in the crook of Tommy's neck, sucking the smell of him into his lungs. It took concentrated effort, but his breathing began to slow down and even out. Tommy's arms around him felt like an anchor, keeping him from floating away.

”Wanna lie down?” Tommy asked eventually.

”Yes, please.”

Tommy chuckled, soft and happy. ”Alright. Aftercare in bed.”

”We're using the words now?” With Tommy's help, Buck got out of his lap and onto the couch.

Tommy looked at him pointedly, as he stretched Buck's legs. ”I thought you preferred not to, I didn't know you didn't know them.”

It was a mild case of pins and needles, but Buck winced anyway. ”I know some of them,” he grumbled. Tommy pulled him to his feet, so they could make the walk to the bedroom. His legs were fine, but Tommy tucked himself under his arm anyway.

Buck flopped on the bed, leaving Tommy to move him where he wanted him. Tommy patiently picked up his legs and swung them in the right direction.

”Remind me to grab my phone later, I found a couple of blanket options I want you to choose from.”

Buck perked up. ”You're getting me a blanket?”

”If you want one.”

”I want one.”

Tommy smiled at him. ”Then I'm getting you one.” Tommy must have wiped down when Buck wasn't looking. His shoulder was bruised, but dry. As he climbed on the bed, Buck reached for him, grabby hands getting in the way. Tommy manhandled him until he was satisfied with their position.

Plastered to Tommy's chest, Buck muttered, ”Am I still Puppy Evan?”

”As long as you want to be.”

”I don't have to earn it?”

Tommy's petting paused for a moment. ”You earned that a long time ago.”

Buck propped himself up enough to see Tommy's face. It was such a good face. He only shaved for work, so his jaw was nice and fuzzy. Buck wriggled his way up and pressed their cheeks together, taking a moment to mourn the beard Tommy wasn't allowed to have. Buck's facial hair was shorter. He'd had a day less to grow it, but it was enough for their cheeks to rasp against each other. He felt Tommy's cheek firm up as he smiled.

”What if I wanted to be Boyfriend Evan?” he asked quietly. ”Would that be OK?”

Tommy's fingers dug into his sides, just on the edge of painful. ”Depends. Who's the other person?”

Buck rolled his eyes and pulled back. ”You. Obviously.”

Tommy's cheek was satisfyingly pink, where they'd rubbed together. ”Well, clearly I'm not the best at reading you.”

”You are,” Buck said. He grabbed Tommy's face tenderly. ”You really are. You know me so well.”

”I do?” Buck wasn't the only one who liked to fish.

”Uh-huh.” He tucked his face into the crook of Tommy's neck. He didn't kiss as much as he licked his skin. ”You know all these things I didn't even know I was into. Things I didn't even know you could do.”

Tommy preened. ”Boyfriends, huh?”

”I can't stop thinking about you,” Buck said quietly. ”Every moment of every day, since I met you.”

”Me, too,” Tommy confessed. He huffed and smiled. ”The fucking relief I felt, when you came back.”

”You didn't think I'd show?”

He was clearly downplaying it, when he said, ”You seemed… rattled, the first time.”

”I wasn't. Or I was, but not because of anything you did!” Buck was quick to clarify. ”It's my name, I– I go by Buck. No one calls me Evan anymore. Hearing it for the first time in a long time was just… I didn't expect it. But I like how it sounds when you say it. It's almost… almost like I get to be someone else, with you.”

”Someone else? As opposed to?”

Buck looked down, eyes falling to Tommy's chest. ”I– I know I just told you I've been lying this whole time, but I–” he cut himself off. People didn't always react well when he was honest. Tommy's hand came up between them, and gently stroked his cheek, where it was a little sore. Buck closed his eyes. ”Sometimes it feels like you're the only one who can see me.”

Tommy nudged his chin up. Tommy kissed him with such tenderness, he could hardly bear it. Buck wrapped himself around as much of Tommy as he could. Tommy rolled them, so Buck could utilise his legs better, ankles hooking behind Tommy's back.

Buck moaned softly at the weight of him. As he dug his fingers into Tommy's shoulders, he felt the indents in the skin. He traced the marks with more purpose. ”Are you disappointed I couldn't do it?”

”No,” Tommy said firmly. ”I want you comfortable. If you really want to, we can get you a chew toy to practice on, but I'm fine if it's a hard no.”

”Really?” For the first time, Buck noticed just how smitten his own voice sounded.

Teasingly, Tommy blew a raspberry into the crook of Buck's neck. ”Really, really.”

Buck squirmed, but there was nowhere to escape to. ”Do you mean an actual toy, or do they make them for humans?”

”I'm about to blow your world wide open. Lemme get my phone.”

Buck reluctantly let him go, but not without whining, ”Come back!” when he took too long.

”The couch ate it,” Tommy said, strolling in like Buck hadn't just been screaming for him. He climbed back into bed and put Buck in a gentle headlock, so they could look at his phone together. ”Remind me to show you the blankets after,” he said, as he tapped around on the screen.

”I will.”

”I'm not changing your name in here, by the way.”

”I don't want you to,” Buck said. ”Boyfriend Evan implies there's another boyfriend in there and there better not be.”

”Possessive,” Tommy hummed. ”I like it.”

Buck looked at him pointedly. Tommy was too focused on his phone to notice. ”Tommy.” Buck pushed him as much as he could, with the weight of Tommy's arm resting around his neck like a python. ”You didn't answer the question.”

Tommy could probably hear the urgency in his voice, because he put the phone down. He took Buck's hand and pulled it to his mouth, so he could kiss it. ”There's no one else. It's only you, sweetheart.”

”Yeah?”

Just when he thought Tommy couldn't possibly look at him any softer, he did. ”I like you so much.”

”I want to do this full time,” Buck blurted.

Tommy's brows rose. ”That's a hell of a jump.”

”Maybe,” Buck ducked his head, ”but I can't stop thinking about it.”

Tommy scritched him behind the ear. ”Tell me what you want, so we don't get another misunderstanding.”

”Knee pads would probably be good? But I was thinking I could … That I could have a play outfit. Nothing crazy, just sweats, but special sweats. Sweats for when I'm–” He stumbled over the words, ”For when I'm yours.”

Tommy grinned. ”Oh, puppy, you're mine all the time.”