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“Hey,” Mickey blurted out. “You remember that guy? That one I caught you bending over under the bleachers that time?”
“Huh?” Ian huffed out on a thrust.
“That ROTC guy. Couldn’t keep his fuckin’ mouth shut?”
“Jesus, Mickey. We really have to talk about this now?” Ian was pounding into Mickey, sweat rolling off his forehead, dripping onto Mickey’s back.
“Yeah.” Mickey twisted his body, trying to see Ian’s face.
Ian slowed his pace, leaned slightly to one side to make eye contact. “Why?”
“I need you to understand something.” Mickey stopped moving.
“Now!?” Ian stopped too.
“Yeah fuckin’ now. Just...” Mickey eased forward slightly until Ian slid out of him.
Ian was more than a little surprised. Mickey had never stopped mid-fuck since they’d been together - except when they’d gotten caught – and now he was pulling away to talk about some random ROTC guy?
“What’s going on, Mick?” Ian pulled his pants up from around his ankles, which was as far as he managed to push them down in his eagerness.
Mickey turned “You remember him right?”
“Yeah,” Ian acquiesced with a sigh, “Ralph. Had some kind of fucking enemy soldier fetish going on.”
Mickey hiked his pants up too and sat back looking at Ian, “You wanna know why I beat the crap out of him?”
Ian laughed, “Er, I already do.”
“Do you?” Mickey asked, his face serious.
The smile dropped from Ian’s face “What’s going on, Mickey?” He asked again.
“I was stood behind those bleachers for ages, I heard him fuckin’ shoutin’ and I knew it was you because who the fuck else would be under there?”
“So... you were just watching us?”
“No idiot. I was mad as hell,” Mickey picked up his lighter and started turning it over in his hands, “I was waiting it out so I wouldn’t get over there and just kill him.”
“I don’t understand. What-” Ian frowned in confusion.
“Because you’re mine.” Mickey interjected. “He was gettin’ it from you and I wanted to fuckin’ kill him.”
Ian felt his mouth fall open.
Mickey ignored Ian’s expression and continued, “The thing is though - and here’s where I sound like a pussy – I need you to know something.”
Ian braced himself, shocked that there was more.
“We ain’t goin’ out in public and you can’t tell people we’re bangin’. And I know I can’t always say what you want me to say or do what you want me to do. But for right now?” He met Ian’s eyes, “ I’m yours too.”
Ian wanted to stop gaping, but he couldn’t remember how to close his mouth.
Mickey let out a sigh, “But listen. When I said before that we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, I wasn’t just trying to fuckin’ hurt you. Who are we foolin’? You wanna join the army, I’m failing every fuckin’ class.”
Ian’s eyes were wide as he listened to the words spill from Mickey’s lips.
“And I’m not my dad, but I’m my dad’s son. Fuckin' nurture over nature or some shit right?" Mickey sounded hopelessly resigned to it. "Something happens I don’t like? I’m gonna end up beating on someone, and sometimes that might be you, and I don't want that, but it is how it is. I don’t like it, but this is all going to turn to crap one day. You know it and I know it.”
Ian started to argue. He had to argue,“Mick-”
“Come on, Gallagher, don’t let’s be under any kind of illusions here,” Mickey shook his head at Ian.
Then there was silence.
And Ian wanted to reach out and stab it, strangle it or something, because everything that silence held was killing him. For Mickey to hold everything out to him and snatch it away in a heartbeat? He looked at Mickey, hoping his eyes didn’t give away the sadness he felt.
“I... I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything,” Mickey shrugged, “Just... let it be what it is. For as long as it is.”