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Park Humin didn't necessarily believe in God, but it did make things a bit easier, less heavy to hold, that someone could be blamed.
He wondered if Na Baekjin believed in God, if he was scared of Him. Wondered if growing up in the Catholic orphanage forced a blind faith mindset onto him.
But Na Baekjin wasn't a man who moved like he feared God, rather, he'd spit in His face if he could.
Humin wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting in the pew, watching the candles at the altar burn out.
He remembers first meeting him, he remembers what it felt like to first have a crush, the confusing emotions of liking someone more than platonically. He remembers first kissing him, the first time he spoke about the feelings to the boy, and somehow, it was reciprocated.
Their first major fight, their first breakup. The catalyst for…everything maybe.
Na Baekjin was a lot of his 'firsts'.
His first soul-crushing experience with unfair death too.
Humin wonders if he tried harder, could he have saved him? Could Park Humin have saved the first boy he ever loved, like God claimed to save those He loved?
But he couldn't.
Something held him back, as he watched the boy he loved destroy himself, because he blindly told himself it was for the better, to stay out of Na Baekjin's life. From a distance, he watched him grow stronger and colder, watched him rule with an unshakeable power, and become feared.
Humin didn't fear him though, he never did. Even when Baekjin came back, more obsessive, tried to shove his way back into Humin's life, wielding that same controlled violence he used to get his way, gave Humin an ultimatum.
Demanded that Humin stand by his side again.
And Humin refused.