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His eyes opened. He saw nothing. His lids fell shut before opening once more, the rectangular, yellow outline of the bathroom light tinted his vision for just a moment. The floor was cold under his palms. His muscles were relaxed as he lay upon the unknown rooms floor. Darkness and black consumed every corner of the area. So, this was it. He probed a knee up and flung himself off his back. One of his hands remained on the floor while his other rested on his knee. The endless eternity he was now trapped in. It was somehow more than he expected. The nothingness that surrounded his body sent a cold shiver down his spine. He did it. This was what awaited him, where he would stay for the rest of time. Would he regret it? There were no books to keep him entertained, nor any games. Just nothing. The nothing that would now greet him every time he dared to open his eyes.
Is hers like this too? He asked himself and he considered the possibility that everyone could be resting in different realities, and his was just a bad one. Why was his so cold? Is hers warm? Is there an endless sky for her to forever star gaze upon? Would there be pink blooms that blossomed year round? Or was it cold and empty like this? Was it truly empty in here? Did the black end and just blend in where the walls meet? He would find out one day. He had the rest of everything to find those walls. He could spend centuries looking for some that never existed. There could be some thing else out there. Possibly a single sprout that would grow once spring came around again. But would that even make sense? This is where his freed soul will rest now that his body stopped breathing. Why would another life start now that his was done? Or would it just be the extension of his soul? Could he manifest anything his heart desired? There was only one thing his heart desired. That’s the one thing that no wishing could get him, not ever.
“Why would you do this?” A flat voice called out. It was behind him. Warmth radiated from the speaker, it was a comforting warmth. The voice was familiar. It sounded like her, was it her? His torso twisted as he looked for the person.
“Sakura?” He started at her. Her expression was neutral. she wasn’t sad nor happy. She was serious and staring at him with so much disappointment and pity. Her body was emitting a whitened hue, she was wrapped in a green, baby doll style dress that was tied with a yellow ribbon right under her chest, finished off with a clash of lilac for her shoes. Their eyes locked for a second that felt like eternity. He shifted, his body still seated. “You’re here.” he said. She was here, with him. He rushed forward towards her, throwing his arms around her as tears began dripping off his cheeks. He held on tight, his arms around her unmoving shoulders. His legs went weak, he basically hung on to her neck as his body fell lower and lower. His hands fell down her arms and clung to the skirt that hung from her thin waist. The fabric buried his face as it became soaked by his tears and sobs. Sakura looked down at him. Her face still neutral.
“Why would you do this to yourself?” She asked in the same flat tone. His face lifted from her dress, snot and tears littering it. It took him a minute to get his breathing straight enough to even utter out a word.
“It was too lonely. I couldn’t be alone anymore.” He choked out of his throat. The sentence was almost illegible. It was quite ironic. He had never had friends and had always been alone. But now that he’d had a taste of companionship he couldn’t live without it. The thought of being alone for the rest of his life made his heart ache. He just felt so empty without her. He couldn’t keep living the way he used to. Being alone was to much of a grim fate to bare.
“Why would you choose this? Now you’ll just be alone forever.” He hadn’t thought of that. He just wanted to escape without much thought. To stop breathing and become nothing, he thought he would be nothing, not surrounded by nothing. He was alone, forever. Even more alone than if he never made this choice.
“But, you’re here.” His tears softened enough to speak clearly through his desperation. She remained staring at him in pity. She reached down just enough to hold his hands in her own, forcing him to release her skirt. She crouched down and became eye level with him. They were so close, nearly touching. Now, he could tell she wasn’t breathing. And her hands, they were so thin and pale. He saw how sunken her checks were and the way her collar bone peeked through her skin. The way her hair was so thin and frail. It wasn’t because she was dead, it was because she was dying. She had looked like this the entire time they were friends, but he was just noticing it now.
“No, I’m not.” She moved his hands together, so they were touching. A small smile rose on her lips. “This is all you.” So, he was just alone. She didn’t want to die, she didn’t choose to. Even if she wasn’t murdered she would have died from her disease, her body was already failing. Yet he never even noticed.
“Why, why did you have to die?” His tears flowed harder again. “You had a life.” He fell forward, his forehead resting on her shoulder while his hands remained held.
“Because, that’s just what fate wanted.” She smiled with her teeth bared. A few tears bubbled under her eye lids. “But, at least, at least you won’t.” They dripped off her face, into the dark.
“What?” He rose his head up off her shoulder.
“You’re not dying.” Sakura let go of his hands and let them fall to his sides. They grasped his face. The warmth on his face made him feel so nice, so alive and happy. He loved her touch. She slightly rose up, just high enough to give him a small kiss on his four head. She pressed their heads together, her arms finally reciprocated the hug he gifted her earlier. He held her back. “I’ll miss you, Haruki.” His eyes shut tight.
The beeping of the heart monitor was the first thing he heard when he woke. His eyes opened, nearly blinded by the over hanging lights above him. Breathing tubes and IVs hung from every anchor of his body. The sent of hospital musk, it remained him of Sakura, the day they met at this same hospital, when they played cards, and when he helped her sneak out to see the fire works. It was nice. His head tilted towards the window beside his bead. The last bloom of a cherry blossom tree fell. The tree was bare. Next spring they would bloom once more, fresher and full of life, until they fell again. That was the way life went, you just have to accept it, it will be difficult, but the cherry blossoms can’t live forever.