Chapter Text
Trinity walked away from the hospital parking lot, where she never parked her car. She always parked it on the side of a pedestrian road a few blocks away. After a long shift and her feet were sore, she regretted it. But she knew why she did it.
“Cmon Huckleberry hurry the fuck up or I’m leaving you behind! You can just take the bus.”
She sarcastically said, the first time she looked back at him since walking with him out of the hospital. Her greenish eyes were muddy in the dark. She was supposed to work at 24h double today, but someone covered for her. Thank god.
She approached her light blue Honda Civic, 1999 model. It was old as fuck, but she loved it, and that’s what mattered to her. It’s not like Dennis had a choice with no car of his own. She swung open the driver's seat door, sliding in. She leaned over and pushed open the passenger seat for Huckleberry.
Dennis followed Trinity through the parking lot and to her car, stuck at a distance thanks to Robby stopping him on his way out to give his array of “are you okay” and “make sure to get rest” lectures, despite never doing so himself. He quickened his pace to a jog until walking alongside her again.
“Sorry, Robby held me up.”
Once they made it to the car, Dennis went to open his door, but Trinity swung it open instead. Whitaker stepped back, barely missing the car door connecting with his abdomen in the most painful way possible.
“Shit.”
He got in and shut the door behind him, looking over at the door and then back at Trinity. She watched him, snickering as he reached over and buckled his seatbelt with some struggle before sinking down in his seat. He sighed, it had been a long day.
Trinity adjusted the janky front mirror, turning on the radio. “Love to Death” by Mother Mother started playing.
“I don’t know how you’re so cool about losing patients. I know it has to bother you at least a little.”
She felt a sudden nudged her shoulder, he was trying to get something out of her. It was a mix of trying to get her to open up for the millionth time, and teasing her for how she repressed her emotions. He knew she wasn’t going to fess up to the pain of losing a patient, Dennis himself barely could.
She turned to him. “What if… I'm so cool about losing patients because I already lost the one person of importance to me.”
She tried to make it sound like a sarcastic comeback, but a hint of pain was in her voice. Alex Falk.
Her former girls gymnastic coach was supposedly released today. She didn’t know for sure as she saw it briefly on the TV which happened to be on the local news channel, while standing in chairs helping bring back some patients.. Ever since then she’d been so shook to her core. That man killed her best friend. His actions lead to her suicide.
In her mind the reporter kept talking on repeat. The mugshot remained in her mind. Older. Greyer. But still him. Same smile, same gym.
Dennis could feel the shift in her driving and the tension in the air as her “joke” came out. She was hurting, and as much as he’d love to help, now was not the time and place. They needed to get home in one piece first. So he lightened the mood the only way he knew how after a silence that carried more tension than her little situationship. Yes, Dennis knew all about that. They told each other everything.
“Sooo… you’re saying I’m not important to you?”
He gave a little smirk, leaning over into her personal space.
She was quick to swat him away. But gently. This was what siblings felt like. and being the drama queen he was, he pulled his wrist back quickly, rubbing it with a frown on his face. His tone playful, but dramatic nonetheless.
“Owww, that hurt.”
Dennis started to sing along with the song on the radio completely off-key. Sure Dennis could sing decently, but this song was not his range, especially not with his t voice. He didn’t care to make it sound good, he mumbled the words as if he were humming, voice cracking like a teenage boy during puberty. His godawful show was quickly cut off by her
“If you sing along like that one more time I’m throwing you out of the car and you can walk home.” She said sharply, cracking a forced half smile. She was trying to joke around like usual so that he wouldn’t suspect anything.
She quickly changed the subject.
“I was almost afraid I was going to have a lunch break today, but thankfully I did not, I did a chest tube instead and worked on a code for 15mins before they called it.”
“We are stopping by the McDonald’s drive through on the way home. I’m fucking starving. You want anything farm-boy? Or do you like your burgers fresh off the beef grinder?”
Trinity knew she was the only person that Dennis really found the farm-boy teases endearing from. Her teasing was her way of showing her love. It felt like the relationship she never got to have with her family, a normal healthy relationship. Their forms of “teasing” were always much harsher.
“You know, I always prefer my cow still mooing, but I could go for some McDonalds.”
He gave a little giggle.
The neon yellow lights of the McDonald’s drive thru blared through the darkness and made up for the lack of street lights. She pulled into the drive through, no cars ahead of them.
“Yes, great how are you? gimme a medium Hi-C orange, light ice, quarter pounder NO PICKLES, and hold the fries. I don’t need the extra carbs.”
She glanced at Whitaker.
“What do you want, Huckleberry.”
She gave him the “don’t order anything over 10 bucks stare”. Because of last time.
When they made it to the drive thru, Dennis didn’t feel like trying to pass the message of what he wanted through Trinity, instead, he raised his voice enough to reach the speaker, his kind tone still on from the hospital shift.
“Can I get a double cheeseburger, medium fry, no salt, and a medium sprite?”
Typically, he’d order a big mac, but he knew the meal was well over ten dollars. He’d be just fine with his cheeseburger. His order seemed similar compared to Trinity’s, other than the no salt. He looked over at Trinity, smiling and she pulled forward and giving him a weird glance at the no salt request.
When she saw him shuffling in his pocket, she slapped his hand away.
As they pulled up to the window, Whitaker tried again. He shot his wallet out and pulled the total out as quickly as possible. Trinity had an advantage trying to use
her card, so he slapped her hand down as quickly as he could. With them both holding cash and card up to the poor cashier, Whitaker practically begged her to take his money.
He won the fight with “the man should pay for the woman.” from the cashier.
As they pulled up to the next window, Dennis shot Trinity a glare, she shot him a knowing one back.
Before she could even look mad at losing, they just looked grossed out.
It took a moment before they started giggling to each other.
“She definitely thought we were dating. As if you don’t look as gay as you are.” Dennis laughed.
They were handed their bags of food and Dennis smirked over at Trinity.
He checked the bags and handed over Trinity’s to her. “Ladies first, since I just found out you’re my girlfriend apparently.”
His giggled earning a glare from Trinity and a weird look from the person at the drive thru. But as the smell of the food hit his nose, he snuck little bites of fries from the bag. He didn’t dare pull out the cheeseburger.
He knew Trinity would kill him if he dropped so much as a crumb in her car. So he held back all the way to their apartment.
“You know they’re always fresh that way right? Late at night we’d be getting the leftovers.”
When they made it out of the drive through, Trinity looked him dead in the eyes.
“No salt? You little bitch.”
She said playfully, sticking her tongue out at him, burger in one hand, steering wheel in the other. She ate, but knew Huckleberry wouldn’t dare to drop something in her car.
“Oh fuck there are pickles in here.”
She rolled the window down, and chucked the half of the quarter pounder right out the window.
“Nah fuck that.”
She mumbled, taking a gulp of her Hi-C orange. She kept looking back and forth between the road and Dennis. She didn’t usually do that.. she usually had her sight always fixated straight ahead on the road. But there was something in her eyes that screamed desperation.
“Anyways, Huckleberry. You been watching the news lately?”
She asked, tilting her head, shifting her dark brown hair away from her face. She asked very nonchalantly, for him to hopefully not suspect anything. She hadn’t told Dennis about the coach.. or her recent relapses.
He only knew that her best friend committed suicide, and that why she kept him so close. He was like… filling a void for her. And she hoped she could do the same for him. Isn’t that what friendships are based on anyways?
Her muddy green eyes were a more clear green in the streetlight. More streetlights, that meant they were getting closer to the apartment. She knew exactly what she was going to do when she got there. She was going to find the news article and replay it over and over and fucking over until she grasped the reality of what was really happening.
She shifted in her seat a bit, feeling the plastic of the scalpel shift in her scrub pant pockets. Yea she had taken another one. The last one got too dull and rusty. She needed to stop. Once she told herself it was just a bad day… then a rough week, now it’s been a month of constant relapsing of self harm. And she kept making excuses that she’d stop… like she did before.
The rest of the car ride was pretty dull, besides Dennis feeling bad that Trinity had thrown out her only food. He hadn’t watched the news much, he thought she didn’t either honestly.
“No, I don't usually watch the news…”
“Okay. We’re here.”
She said, her tone turning flat as she shut off the car, the car making janky-ass noises because it was from fucking 1999. But she loved that thing, it was special to her. She got out. Opening the car door for Whitaker.
“Prince Huckleberry.”
She said with a smug face.
Then she dug the keys out of her pocket, careful to not let the scalpel fall out. She unlocked the door. And swung it open.
The air conditioning felt nice in contrast to the June summer heat.
“Always getting the princess treatment from you. Am I a pretty princess at least?”
Dennis definitely didn’t mind the feminine terms in joking manners.
Ever since he started living with Trinity and getting back on his feet, he was able to keep up with his testosterone. That mixed with his farm work build definitely eased up his dysphoria beautifully.
And thank god no one had found out, except for Trinity after Dennis got too drunk one night and told her.
Now she gives him his shots. They really were best friends. But despite that, Trinity didn’t dare tease him with girly terms. She was probably too scared to strike a nerve. She’d always been his biggest and only supporter with his transition.
Dennis made his way in behind Trinity, wiping his feet politely on the mat outside the door. He was still very polite entering the apartment, despite slowly growing more comfortable and making himself at home.
There were little habits he had. As much as it was gratitude towards her letting him stay, it was habits imprinted in his head from back home.
He stepped in, closing the door and slipping his shoes off right at the entrance. He made sure to lock the door behind them.
Trinity immediately went to the couch, and Dennis was officially suspicious. He made his way to the other side, sitting down and studying her closely with a raised eyebrow.
“I thought you were tired. Couldn’t resist some tv?”
He said playfully, hoping she’d at the very least slip up. She’d been… off tonight. But it didn’t really seem to be about her lost patient. She was never all that messed up about them, not like Whitaker was. All he knew is that he was worried about her.
He opened his bag of food and placed the food on the coffee table, careful not to get crumbs on the floor or couch. He took a napkin, placed it in front of her, and cut his burger in half, handing her a half. She didn’t seem to notice. Odd. He left it there for her anyway.
Trinity didn’t even change like she usually did right when she got home, she immediately glued her eyes to the blank tv, hesitating to turn it on. Her fucking shoes weren’t even off. She watched silently as he placed the half of a burger before him.
“I am tired. I just need to see something…”
She said, trying to crack a smile. She didn’t touch the burger. She continued to stare there at the blank screen with the remote in her hand. Eventually, she looked over to him, then back at the TV. Turning it on. It was on pause on the show ‘Yellowjackets’ that they had just started.
She didn’t know whether to tell Dennis this was going to get ugly and to get out of the living room, or not to raise suspicion and just get it over with.
“I just need to make sure I saw something right.”
She said softly, breath shaky. She raised the remote, switching it to the Local Pittsburgh news. Channel 2.
The television flickered to the channel. It was on a completely different topic now. She exhaled sharply, looking for the option to rewind it.
“What- what time was I out clearing chairs and triage?”
She muttered mainly to herself, trying to figure out what time stamp it was. She played around with the recording a bit. Till she paused it, right before anything was said. It was that same reporter that she saw. He could’ve been saying something different, but it looked to be the same report.
She saw Dennis watching her closely as she flipped through channels and rewinded like hell. He was right here. No need to leave him in the dark.
But despite that, he kept his eyes on her and his lips sealed. He studied everything she did. Similar to Robby’s frantic movements in his last breakdown, just a little more coherent. She was breaking and Dennis could see right through it.
She stared into the reporter’s murky brown eyes through the tv. The reflection of the tv showing up in her muddy green ones.
Slowly, she pressed play. He started talking. Her blood ran cold. Austin Falk. Same man, same smile, same gym, just older, crinkles in his forehead and crusty lips from prison time.
Across the TV screen was a man’s mugshot, with the subtitles, “Austin Falk, former gymnastics coach, convicted of 2 counts of child molestation let out on early release.
“Fuck… that’s him.”
She said aloud, hoping Dennis didn’t hear her. She put her hand in her pocket, feeling for the still wrapped scalpel. It’ll make it go all away. All away. Like last time when he finally had the opportunity to put his fingers inside of her.
The flashbacks rushed like a roaring river through her mind. Finding her friend on the floor, not being able to save her fast enough. Her stomach was getting pumped… but it was all too late. She sat there frozen, and slowly turned to Dennis. She used his real name for once, instead of the endearing ‘Huckleberry’.
“Dennis. I don’t feel so well.”
He set his half eaten burger down on the wrapper and scooted closer to her, still keeping some distance. He kept his hands in the same position he did with high risk patients, ready to jump in whenever needed. Dennis wasn’t an idiot, and even though it was often, he’d seen a few of her breakdowns before. With them living together, she couldn’t always get away from him in time. It was hard to hide much here.
As she spoke, it was too low for Dennis to hear, but he read her lips perfectly. Who is he?? He didn’t know whether or not to ask, but he did anyway.
“Who?”
She didn’t respond. Dennis kept a closer eye on her, even moving a little closer. She was paying him absolutely no mind. Dennis could feel his heart pounding, the same way it did with patients when they were coding. But she wasn’t dying. Why was he worried sick?
Her words were quick to snap him into motion, finally closing in the rest of the gap between them. Their knees touched, but neither of them noticed it. Trinity felt his arm on her back, keeping his other ready for whatever he could need it for. He hadn’t seen enough of her emotional moments to know how bad this could get, but before he could speak, all he could think to do was pull her in, her head resting on his shoulder as he held her. Probably one of the most meaningful hugs they’d ever shared.
“I’m here, I’m here. What's going on?”
As she spoke, it was too low for Dennis to hear, but he read her lips perfectly. Who is he?? He didn’t know whether or not to ask, but he did anyway.
Their knees touched, but neither of them noticed it. Dennis placed an arm on Trinity’s back, keeping his other ready for whatever he could need it for. He hadn’t seen enough of her emotional moments to know how bad this could get, but before he could speak, all he could think to do was pull her in, her head resting on his shoulder as he held her. Probably one of the most meaningful hugs they’d ever shared.
He squeezed her a little tighter, he knew she needed it. That's what was great about them. Trinity was like the family Dennis never got, his supporter when he needed one. And Dennis was her best friend, and the only male figure she’d ever really seemed to trust.
He took a place to her that held more impact than he knew, and so did she. The moment was almost peaceful, comforting. If not for the circumstances.
Trinity initially tried to push Dennis away when he made contact, but then she started uncontrollably sobbing, and fell into his shoulder, embracing him holding her.
“It’s- It’s no one, don’t worry.”
She said shakily still not opening up. The usually confident, sarcastic, and quick-witted, Dr. Santos was now falling into pieces. Her forehead was slick with cold sweat.
She abruptly got up, turning to the side, trying to sprint to the bathroom, she felt the hot bile rising up her throat, she bent over, arms hugging her stomach, right there, in the middle of the living room. Projectile vomiting all over the hardwood floor. It was slightly orange tinted, from her fucking Hi-C Orange.
She then dropped to her knees, now sitting in her own vomit. What the fuck happened to 30yrs no parole? Did he really behave that well? Was the prison really that overcrowded? bitter saliva dripping from the corners of her mouth.
She sat there, just staring at the floor. She felt around in her pocket again, rubbing the tips of her fingers against the scalpel still in its packaging.
’I need this now. It will make it go away. Cut it out. Cut it all out.‘
She still didn’t know if Dennis knew about her recent cutting episodes.
Dennis quickly went to run after her to the bathroom, but she didn’t make it far before vomiting all over her own floor. Dennis just a few years ago would’ve probably gotten sick from this. But being covered in so many different fluids, mainly being bodily fluids, on his first day definitely desensitized him. At least it wasn’t on him this time.
He stepped over to her, keeping a hand on her back. He could see her fingers continuing to reach into her pocket, yet he had no clue what was in there.
“Come on, Trin.”
Dennis helped pull her up to her feet, him doing most of the heavy lifting, and walked her slowly towards the bathroom, just in case she puked again. Trinity could feel his heart was pounding, but he came off surprisingly calm. It did always throw him off to see the girl who always acted so strongly like this.
Once they made it to the bathroom, he set her down lightly on the floor in front of the toilet. Thank god it was just cleaned recently. He lifted the lid and seat for her, and sat himself next to her on the edge of the bathtub.
Dennis stared at her with the look of a concerned puppy for a moment before taking the hair tie out of her half up half down hair and putting it all up in a ponytail instead.
“Just to keep it out of your face.”
“Trin… I need you to talk to me. What’s going on?”
She weakly rolled her eyes when he gave her those worried eyes, the ones that tend to make anyone reassure him all is well. But he didn’t want to hear that she was okay, because she wasn’t. He wanted to know what was going on with her. What had her so sick?
Trinity sat by him, trying to gather her thoughts, they raced and the flashbacks were like a movie before her eyes. She didn’t want to tell him what was going on… he couldn’t know. Nobody could know. But it just all spilled out.
“Dennis… remember how I told you I did gymnastics right? Well, I stopped at 15, because that man… that man on the TV Austin Falk was the Pittsburgh semi-competitive girls coach. I started small. It started with innocent compliments and massages… then it escalated between me and my best friend.
Till he had been repeatedly taking advantage of both of us. She killed herself, Dennis. And I couldn’t stop her. I regret that everyday. And sometimes… I regret not going with her.”
Trinity spoke fast and shaky, her eyes widened as she realized what she just had revealed. Over the past few years she had told no one, and hoped to keep it under wraps. But this was like… the breaking point. She wanted to cut, now. Her own words made her sick and she needed the release.