Chapter Text
“Hey, Till. Do you ever wonder what it would be like if we could remember our past lives?”
❀
Ivan was the strangest and most annoying person Till has ever had the displeasure of meeting.
Sure, Ivan is his best friend, but still.
They met in kindergarten and the older boy just kind of hung around Till until there was no way he could get rid of him.
Ivan was constantly lingering, a presence Till could always feel even if he couldn’t see the other boy.
It was odd, how comforting it was.
Ivan didn’t ask for anything, he gave and gave and gave to Till, but never expected anything in return.
All in all, Ivan was weird.
There was this small habit he had that Till always noticed. He constantly brought up past lives, yet whenever Till tried to ask about it, Ivan would grow anxious and change the topic.
What a weirdo. Why bring it up if you don’t wanna talk about it?
❀
It’s his sixteenth birthday when it happened. When his perfectly procured life came crumbling down.
He woke up in a nervous sweat—scream halfway up his throat. He remembered rain. A lot of it, pouring down, soaking his clothes, making it hard to hear anything else. He remembered lights. Bright ones, beaming down on him, making it hard to see what was beyond him.
He remembered… He remembered…
“Stupid nightmare,” he grumbled, wiping his damp face.
He fell back asleep and forgot about the whole thing.
Ivan was waiting outside when Till finally left for school. He always was, Till never had to wonder whether or not Ivan would be there. He would be—it was a given at this point.
“Good morning, Till!” Ivan happily chirped, waving as Till made his way over.
“I don’t know if I would call it good,” he murmured in reply.
“Of course it is. It’s your birthday! Your sixteenth is a pretty big deal.”
“I guess,” he acquiesced. “But we never did anything for you.”
Ivan let out a light hearted chuckle in response. “It’s a bit difficult to celebrate a birthday when you don’t have one, Till.”
“Whatever, Unsha should have given you one. Why not celebrate the day you were adopted?”
The older man looked thoughtful, as if he were reminiscing on something or rather.
“I don’t need one. We can celebrate yours for the both of us.”
Till ran a hand through his half-mussed grey hair. He knew there was no point in arguing when Ivan said something stupid like that, so he let it be.
❀
“I think if we had past lives, you would love Mizi in all of them,” Ivan mused beside Till.
“Shut up!” He hissed, smacking Ivan as their other two friends walked over. “What’s with past lives and you, seriously?”
Ivan blinked, before a smirk grew on his face.
“I think you’re trying to change the subject~” he teased, relishing in the other’s reaction.
I think you’re the one trying to change the subject, Ivan. But Till didn’t say that.
“Happy birthday, Till!” Mizi greeted cheerfully, sitting across from him.
The grey haired boy looked down at his notebook blushing, somewhat listening to Sua’s half-assed expression of well-wishes.
After that, the four of them settled into quiet chatter, talking about everything and nothing at all.
“Good morning everyone,” said a voice from behind Till. “And happy birthday to you Till.”
“Luka,” Till acknowledged, turning his head to face the blonde.
“Are any of you auditioning for the school talent show?”
“Yeah, why?”
Luka just hummed, an innocent smile growing on his face.
“Just wondering. It’ll be nice to go up against you again, Till. I’m curious whether the outcome will be any different this time.”
Confusion washed over Till as he stared at Luka. Again? Different outcome?
“We’ve never—”
“I don’t know why you try so hard, Luka. It’s not going to help you win Hyuna back.”
The blonde then turned to face Ivan, his smile turning into something twisted—cruel.
“I doubt you’ll be auditioning after last time? Your performing days are long over.”
Till turned to look at Ivan, whose jaw was set as he glared at Luka. It was as if they were having some intense staring match, communicating telepathically.
Eventually, Luka scoffed and walked away.
Till glanced at the other girls, who looked just as confused as Till felt. Ivan and Luka had always had some strange rivalry with each other, but this seemed to have escalated. This seemed personal, very personal.
“Ivan, what the hell was that?”
Ivan blinked, his face relaxing as he tilted his head at Till.
“What was what?” He asked, seemingly confused.
“What was he talking about? You’ve never sung before, you’re top of academics.”
Ivan opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. He shrugged before grinning. “...It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it!”
Till was completely unconvinced.
But why would Ivan lie to him?
What good reason would Ivan have for keeping a secret such as performing from Till?
“If you say so,” he sighed.
❀
Till made his way to the hall, Ivan trailing not far behind. He wiped his palms on his jeans before readjusting his guitar strap.
“You’re going to do great, Till. I believe in you! Anyway, what song are you gonna sing?”
“It’s just the audition,” Till answered, annoyed. “The song doesn’t matter until the actual performance, I’m just doing a cover.”
“Yeah, yeah. But I still think you should do one of yours. They would just hand over the trophy right now!”
“Whatever. If you’re going to be a bother, you can just leave.”
“And miss your performance? No way!”
Till sighed, shaking his head as he parted from Ivan to walk to the stage.
There were a bunch of people in front of him as he would be the last performer.
He spent his time going through the lyrics in his head, mindlessly playing the chords for the song in the air.
He barely registered Luka walking past him until he stopped right beside him.
“Good luck, Till. Let’s hope you don’t freeze up like last time.”
Till watched as Luka walked off, his brows set in a deep furrow.
What does he mean by that? What is he insinuating?
Time went by surprisingly quickly, student after student finishing their auditions. Some were glowing, others looked like they were about to throw up off stage.
The stage was empty. There were no more people ahead of him.
Till took a deep breath, walking out onto the stage as he shrugged his guitar off his shoulder.
He took hold of the instrument, placing his fingers over the right strings before looking up.
He couldn’t see the people watching him.
He couldn’t see much of anything, really.
Save for the light.
That bright stage light shining in his eyes.
And suddenly, he was back on that stage, shivering as he felt the heavy rain soak through his clothes.
He knows this place, he’s been here before, hasn’t he?
Till tried to move—to do something—but he felt frozen in place.
The rain was so loud, and wait…
Was that a gunshot?
Two more followed in its wake.
Till was hurting.
He was hurting so much. He had never felt pain like this before.
Pain blossomed in his chest, making the rest of the world fuzzy around him.
Oh, he had been shot.
“-ill? Till!”
Till turned his head on instinct at the panicked tone his name was being spoken in.
It was Ivan. Wearing a white outfit, hair slicked back.
He wasn’t wearing that earlier, was he?
“Till are you okay?” The dark haired man asked worriedly.
Till blinked, shaking his head to focus.
“Ivan?” He breathed, taking note of his friend.
Wait, wasn’t he just wearing white?
“Shit, Till. You scared me. You looked totally panicked up there. Do you have stage fright?” His friend whispered like a fretting mother.
“No! I’m fine. I’m fine,” he stressed, rolling his eyes at his best friend.
He looked back in front of them, now able to see the teachers and student body council since the lights had been dimmed.
“I’m sorry! Can I re-do it? I promise I can do it!”
Ivan looked completely unconvinced in his peripherals, letting out a sigh when they nodded.
“Get off the stage!” He whispered, nodding to the curtain off the side of the stage.
Ivan looked as if he wanted to argue—or at least say something more—but he didn’t.
Till took a deep breath, refocusing as he began to strum.