Chapter Text
Johnny’s dead. Johnny’s…dead? How did he die? I don’t know. My head hurts. I looked around. Oh yeah, that guy dropped me off earlier, I wonder who that guy was. I started walking up the porch stairs, opened the door, and shut it gently. Steve’s eye opened when I shut the door, he was laying on the couch, Darry was sitting down on the armchair while Two-bit and Sodapop were sitting on the floor, they were all bandaged up and bruised. The only sound I noticed was Steve’s heavy breathing. Why was he breathing so heavily? Oh yeah, he broke his ribs during the rumble…now that I think about it, I don’t remember who won the rumble, but I couldn’t care less when suddenly Darry stood up when he saw me. “Where the hell have you been?” He said, oh no, not this again, the last thing I wanna do right now is fight with my brother. I suddenly felt a wave of pain rush into my head, and my vision got blurry for a second.
Darry’s face softened with concern. “Ponyboy, what’s the matter?”
“Johnny’s dead.” It felt all too real now that I said it out loud, but that couldn’t be true. My buddy is not dead. I lied to myself, but this time, I didn’t believe me. “We told him about beating the socs and…I don’t know, he just died” Everyone was quiet. Even if they weren’t I barely heard them over the sound of my racing heart. “Dallas is gone,” I said quietly. “He ran out like the devil was after him. He’s gonna blow up. He couldn’t take it.” I was breathing heavily, and my head was pounding, Two-bit said something, but I couldn’t hear him over the sound of my thought. Dallas was going to do something stupid, and I needed to do something, anything. I turned towards the door, and soda looked a bit confused as I let the door slam shut, I hastily made my way down the porch. Darry was behind me and asked where I was going, and I muttered that I needed to go find dally.
Where was he? I was running and before I knew it I heard heavy footsteps behind me, so the gang had followed me but I was faster than them so they didn’t catch up. Before I knew it I was running towards the tracks, I really didn’t like going near the tracks since that’s where my parents died, but I didn’t wanna think about it right now, I was lost in thought when I caught a glimpse of a blonde head standing in front of the roaring train that was moving towards him. Oh no, I knew it. dally was about to get himself killed, and I couldn’t lose him right after I lost Johnny, I couldn’t lose two of my buddies at the same time. so I ran as fast as my feet took me. I ran faster than I’ve ever had, my track coach would be proud if he saw me running this fast. Suddenly I felt like I was running in slow motion and no matter what I did, I wouldn’t be fast enough to reach dally and then he would die and I would be forced to watch him get crashed under the train and I would be the one to deliver the news of his death to the gang just as I did with johnny.
The train was getting closer and closer as I felt my breathing get heavier and my legs get slower but I ran until my hands were grasped tightly around his waist and I pushed both of us off the tracks and I couldn’t relax even as the roaring train went through right beside us, I was hyperventilating and I was sure I would pass out at any moment. I was on top of Dally. He was mad and a bit red, but I didn’t care that I pissed him off. I did it. I saved Dallas.
My eyelids got heavier, and I passed out cold on top of Dallas Winston.
***
I woke up and it felt like my brain was bleeding or something but I knew I was being dramatic, my vision was blurry and I didn’t know why I was passed out. I wondered what had happened, I couldn’t remember anything and it all felt to hazy for me to put it together. It was quiet. Too quiet. I knew something was wrong but I couldn’t figure it out. Soda was sitting on the edge of the bed watching me.
“Soda,” I said hoarsely. “Is somebody sick?”
“Yeah” he said gently. “Now, go back to sleep”
“Am I sick?”
He stroked my hair. “Yeah, you’re sick. Now be quiet”
“Is Darry sorry I’m sick?” I asked, I had a funny feeling he did feel sorry. Soda gave me a funny look. “Yeah, Darry’s sorry you’re sick. Now please shut up, will ya, honey?”
I closed my eyes. I felt awfully tired.
***
When I woke up next, it was morning and I felt real hot. I felt all thirsty and hungry but I didn’t feel like eating anything. Darry had pulled the armchair into the bedroom and was asleep in it. Shouldn’t he be at work? I thought to myself. And why was he asleep in the armchair?
I shook him awake and he told me that he knew I wasn’t in any condition for a rumble and I suffered from a concussion, shock and exhaustion, he also told me about how torn up Two-bit was not telling Darry about my fever before the rumble. Suddenly I remembered everything from last night, the rumble, Johnny dying, dally standing in front of a moving train and me saving him. I turned to Darry. “How’s dally?” I asked softly.
He gave me a look and said “he’s alright, his arm is healing fine and he’s pretty torn about johnny’s death. We all are”
“How long have I been asleep for?”
“Three days, I think. Today’s Tuesday, you’ve been asleep since Saturday night,’member?”
“No” I shook my head slowly. “Darry, I’m not ever going to be able to make up the school I’ve missed. And I’ve still got to go to court and talk to the police about bob getting stabbed and about…staying..” I took a deep breath “Darry, do you think they’ll split us up? Put me in a home or something?”
He was silent. “I don’t know, baby, I just don’t know”
I stared at the ceiling. What would it be like, I wondered, staring at a different ceiling? What would it be like in a different bed, in a different room? There was a hard painful lump in my throat that I couldn’t swallow. Darry eventually changed the subject about when I was in the hospital and kept calling for him and soda, sometimes mom and dad and Johnny. I was worried I hadn’t called for Darry but soda reassured me that I did. Before soda came in, Darry had said “Johnny left you his copy of Gone with the Wind. Told the nurse he wanted you to have it.” And then he just left to make food or something.
***
I had to stay in bed for a whole week, that bothered me. I really didn’t like laying around all day and doing nothing, I hadn’t seen Dally, but it didn’t really matter as long as he was safe. I drew all day and looked through soda’s yearbook album and saw Bob’s picture named Robert Sheldon. Yeah, he was good looking and he didn’t seem like the Bob I remembered. Maybe this is who cherry valance liked so much, that he isn’t all too bad if you know him pretty well, it kind of reminded of me explaining to her that Dallas isn’t as bad if he knows you. I wondered what bob was like. I knew he liked to pick fights and all but that’s all I knew. Cherry said he was sweet, friendly and stood out from the crowd and randy had said the best buddy a guy could ever have. Cherry was smart so I knew she didn’t like him just for his looks. Was he really all sweet like cherry said? Or was he really a great buddy like randy had said? I didn’t know and I didn’t wanna find out going around him. I bet he hates me since my best friend stabbed him, it didn’t matter, he hated me anyway for being a greaser so I couldn’t careless what he thought.
Darry came in just as I put the yearbook down. “Ponyboy”
“Yeah?” I said looking up at him.
“There’s a guy here to see you. Says he knows you.” Darry said. “His name’s Randy”
“Yeah, I know him”
“You want to see him?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged. “Sure, why not?”
Some friends had dropped by to check up on me or something, I had some friends in school even though I was younger then most of them. They were school friends though, not buddies like Johnny.
“Hi, Ponyboy.” Randy looked uncomfortable standing in the doorway.
“Hi, Randy,” I said. “Have a seat if you can find one.” He pushed a couple off a chair and sat down. “So how are you feeling?” He asked, he seemed uncomfortable but he tried to grin.
“Doing fine, how’s Bob?”
“Well, he’s doing better now, it will just leave a scar and he won’t have any other problems”
I nodded, he didn’t seem uncomfortable taking about bob and all, but I kinda felt guilty that someone so young would carry a scar, but my guilt faded as soon as I thought about the scar that he had left on Johnny’s cheek. Me and Randy talked a bit about the court and he said that his father was disappointed that he got all mixed up into this. I bit my tongue to keep from scoffing. He got all mixed? he didn’t stab anyone and I’m sure, his dad is rich enough to pay the fine of him picking a fight while he was drunk or something.
“I guess your folks feel kind of awful about it, too.” He said.
“My parents are dead. I live here with just Darry and Soda, my brothers.” I lit up my cigarette. “That’s what’s worrying me. If the judge decides Darry isn’t a good guardian or something, I’m liable to get stuck in a home somewhere. That’s the rotten part of this deal. Darry is a good guardian; he makes me study and knows where I am and who I’m with all the time. I mean, we don’t get along so great sometimes, but he keeps me out of trouble, or did. My father didn’t yell at me as much as he does.”
Randy seemed worried, I found that kind of funny and all but not really. Randy starting talking about how Johnny had stabbed bob, but I stopped him and insisted I was the one who stabbed bob and Johnny wasn’t dead. Johnny’s not dead, he can’t be. Johnny is just with Two-bit or maybe Dally. He’s alive, he’s not dead. Eventually, Darry told randy to leave and I just laid down and stared at the ceiling because Johnny was alive, yeah he’s alive, I lied to myself but this time I did believe me.
***
We were on our way to court in Steve’s car, I didn’t know why but I kept my mouth shut and stared out the window. Soda was driving and Darry was in the passenger seat and I was in the back seat. I tuned out whatever Darry and Soda were talking about since I had a stomachache, I think it was from stress or something. Well, I tried to reassure myself that everything would be fine, but I had a real bad feeling about this.