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Samira wiggled her hand around, watching beams of light reflect off the newly adorned diamond ring. She watched as the stone glistened in the light, examining each little facet, catching the light in a different way and reflecting it back out to make it glimmer in the early morning sun.
It almost didn’t feel real. She was wrapped in lush white sheets, a serene ocean view from her place half sat up in bed, a gold band with nothing short of a rock on her left hand. Her own perfect, quiet little bubble.
Nobody knew.
For just a moment, it was just them again. Just like it was just them with the stolen glances from across the emergency department or out at the bar for the rare work related party that they’d both been available for. It was just them when they would sneak away for five minutes in an on-call room between shifts to talk about their day, to touch, to decompress for just a moment. To ground each other. The same way it was just them when Jack slid back into his bed the morning after he’d handed her his house key telling her he wanted her to be there when he got home.
They’d been figured out eventually. They’d gotten caught one to many times standing too close in the ambulance bay or sneaking off to the roof. Getting a little too excited to see each other at handoff. Their biggest tell had been the time they ran a trauma together in almost total silence, yet entirely in sync. Not a beat rushed or skipped. Right on time, in perfect rhythm. Eventually it had all built up. The rumor mill had done what the rumor mill does and it all spilled out. Their secret moments had become public. Their simple relationship had become the talk of the town.
Samira longed for those quiet moments again. She longed for the simplicity. For when people weren’t trying to pick her — them — apart. For when her relationship wasn’t dissected and exposed in front of her coworkers, and friends, and the Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center Human Resources Department. She missed when it was only them.
They still had some things that were just for them. Nobody knew the way he wrapped himself around her and pulled her close in the early hours of the morning, burying his nose in her hair to take in her scent. No one knew the way she crawled over him on the couch, curling into his chest after a long day. No one knew that she was the reason he slept soundly again. Nobody knew he was the reason she felt her confidence return. For a long time, nobody knew what they had built together. The routine they had settled into. And, right now, nobody knew that they’d promised each other forever.
Samira smiled feeling his arms slide around her waist and pull himself into her side, pressing a kiss to her hip. “You hate it,” he mumbled.
Samira rolled her eyes. A sigh and a little laugh, “I do not hate it.” Her voice dropped to something more sincere. “It’s beautiful, Jack.”
“Then why are you thinking so loud?”
Samira ran her hand through his hair, fingers entangling in the strands. The gold prongs poking through the salt and pepper of his curls, twisting its way around her fingers, drawing them in. Just like she’d found herself in his life. They thought — swore — it was fling. A way to get the relief they both craved after a long day. Quick meetups and pockets of time had turned into spending nights. Nights had turned into weeks. Wants had settled into the necessity. She’d grown like ivy around him. Little sprinkles of herself scattered throughout. Her toothbrush found a home on his bathroom sink. Her claw clips scattered in the console of his car. Her laundry mixed with his in the wash. She’d woven her way in and taken root in his home, in his life, before either of them could notice. He didn’t put up a fight, flowing seamlessly around her. Supporting her winding branches. Letting her grow toward the sunlight.
“I’m thinking about…” A warmth settled in her chest. “…how I don’t ever want to leave this bubble.”
He grinned, pulling her with him as he turned, settling her on his chest. He toyed with her hands, looking up at her. Soft and reverent like he was trying to commit every pore of her skin to memory. He traced each of her fingers with his like each indention of his fingerprint could memorize hers. Like he could know every intricate part of her in a way no one else could. Stopping to toy with the band on her ring finger. “Looks good on you,” he compliments, looking up at her. A radiant smile is stuck on her face, dimples peaking out on her cheeks. He wished he could bottle this feeling.
They’d talked about the end before they ever talked about the beginning. They saw a lot of death everyday. They saw a lot of people stuck on life support. Stuck waiting for the end in a liminal space between life and death. Medicine was amazing. The ability to bring someone back from the brink of death held a power that no one could understand. But it held a lot of horror too. “Don’t ever let me go out that way,” she muttered into his chest.
Samira hadn’t realized the gravity of putting her literal life in his hands when she said but she felt the shift in the air. Telling him that she’d never want to be stuck only surviving on machines. Telling him without a second thought, like she’d assumed he’d be there at the end, solidified their place in each others lives more than any ring could.
The talks of the future came later. More structured. Marriage was decidedly on the table but she didn’t want anything big or grand. That included the proposal. She didn’t want the grand gesture. She didn’t need a skywriter or a big sign or a crowd watching on — of strangers or otherwise — to know that he loved her. The commitment didn’t come with big gestures. It came in the little details. They way they showed up for each other every day.
“Thank you, my fiance picked it out for me,” she leaned down and pecked a kiss against his lips, her dark curls curtaining their faces. He pushed a strand behind her ear and brushed her cheek with his thumb.
Work had eaten at both of them. Whittled away at their psyches. The vacation was a much needed getaway from all the hustle and bustle. From all the prying and the questions. From the dissecting and examining. Neither of them were particularly good at taking vacations. They’d worked to the bone for as long as they could remember. Slowing down was hard for them individually but Samira and Jack found themselves enjoying the little moments with each other. Liking the quiet between them. Finding solace in the silence.
“Your fiance, huh?” He slides his hands up her thighs. “Do I know this guy?”
She hummed for a moment, considering the question,“you might have seen him around before.”
He stood back and watched as she looked over the ocean, sun slowly sinking into the waterline. Sky painted with reds, and pinks, and purples. Clouds illuminated. He stepped forward, placing his hand on her waist, the silk of the dress, smooth and soft under his fingers. He pressed a kiss into the exposed skin where her neck met her shoulder. Jack flicked open the box and extended his arm, framing the ring in front of the setting sun. His words were soft against her skin. Confident in his promise to her. Quiet. Simple. And, for now, only theirs.