Chapter Text
Chapter 1: Things He Didn't Tell Me
Things He Didn't Tell Me
It was one week before the new seasons begin, Ilya need to be back to Boston for his captain work and some stuff to prepare before the games start. It was mornig, Ilya’s flight in the afternoon. They have met Shane’s parents before the flight and Shane will drop him to the airport.
Shane watched Ilya, checking his suitcase, and Shane drown in his own,
after this what? Are they boyfriends? How is it work? We will talk everyday? Call? Facetime?
What’s the rules in it? How is it being a boyfriends?
"You’re thinking very loud rn, I can heart. What is it in your mind? Ilya is staring at him?"
"Um, it’s nothing, probably stupid"
"And let me hear how stupid it is. We promised to tell each other what feel right? Be honest?"
"Okay, you’re right. How do we gonna do this? I mean at my parents you’re you know… you said you’re my boyfriends? So we gonna text everyday? Can I call you?"
Ilya move closer, put his hand on Shane’s hips and kiss his cheek, speak under his ear, "Da, what do you think im gonna do? I’ll text you when I arrived Boston, call you everyday you will be annoyed, maybe we could also, you know facetime, you and your glasses and take of your t-shirt"
"Omg, you’re so gross, I hate you"
"No, you don’t," smirking
As they planned, there’s no more some text in few months, instead they text all the time, call every day. One day, Shane was sitting on his couch scrolling Instagram between workouts, well mostly hockey, his diet menu or updates from people he’s following or someone he wanted to know what they’re doing. Then one story made him stop, it’s one for Raiders player story, do not ask Shane why he’s looking at his rival team story, but he needs to know because apparently Ilya is out to have dinner together with his teammates. Something they do because they know Ilya was not in Russia, instead in Boston alone (what Ilyas told his teammates).
The story is in a restaurant, half the team and their wife or girlfriend sitting around with caption "Captain's welcome back dinner."
Shane smiled, then clicked to the next story, he want to see more just to the same player filming across the table, laughing and shouting "Don't worry, cap, we brought somebody for you!"
Then swung toward a woman sitting beside Ilya. Looking pretty with dark hair and laughing too, just like thar the video ended. Shane can’t help looking at the story repeatedly.
His stomach dropped. Not because of the woman. Or Ilya, because Shane is sure, he didn't know about any of this.
But, Ilya had texted him that morning. Called him during lunch. FaceTimed him before practice. Even texting him the whole time of dinner.
Yet somehow hadn't mentioned that his teammates were apparently trying to set him up.
Shane feeling stupid and immature, mostly embarrassed of himself, because why would he think that way? Ilya has the right to tell or not tell him about anything. But he did care, and wished Ilya tell him and still not asking anything to Ilya, because he doesn’t want to ruin Ilya’s mood when he’s out over something so childish right?
By the time Ilya called, Shane was annoyed. Mostly with himself.
"Hey."
"Hi."
Immediately Ilya paused and ask "What's wrong?"
“Nothing”
“No, it’s something you’re upset, mad maybe?”
“How was dinner?”
“Good?”
“That's it?”
“What?”
“Dinner was good?”
Another pause.
“Yeah?”
The question tone like Shane asking for some stupid question make his stomach twist.
“You didn't tell me the team was bringing you a date”
“Oh, I forgot”
The answer should have been enough. Sometimes you forgot things but all Shane heard is I forgot to tell you. Which somehow felt worse.
“ So you just forgot? Even when you’re still texting me back?”
“Shane, What's actually bothering you really?”
“Ilya, I know that your teammates setting you for date from a Instagram story”
Silence.
Then a groan.
“Oh my God”
“What?”
“Carmichael posted that?"
Now Ilya sounded annoyed. Which somehow made Shane even more confused.
“You didn't tell me”
“I forgot”
“We talked a lot today”
“I didn't think it mattered”
The answer landed badly. Because to Shane it did matter.
Maybe not because of the woman.
Maybe because he wanted to know.
Because they are together now.
Aren’t they?
“They brought some girl as your date Ilya and I didn’t know it from YOU”
Ilya sighed heavily.
“Why didn't you tell me?”
There’s a long paused before Ilya spoke again.
“Shane”
“What?”
“Do you want a play-by-play every time somebody talks to me?”
“No”
“Every time a woman exists near me?”
“No”
“Then what?”
The question wasn't cruel. Just honest.
And Shane suddenly didn't know how to answer. Because the real answer sounded ridiculous.
Because I want to be the person you tell things to.
Not because he didn't trust Ilya.
Because he cared too much.
“I don't know” That’s a lie
“You know what? I sat there wishing you were there”
The answer caught him off guard.
“Ilya”
"I'm serious. I know we can’t, not maybe later but that’s a long away but I wish you I can just bring you my boyfriend just like others, but we can’t"
A pause.
“The girl was nice”
Shane immediately hated hearing that.
“But like you said, I was texting you. I spent the whole dinner texting you under the table”
The fight drained out of him instantly.
Because that part was true.
Looking back at their messages, half of them had been sent during dinner.
Memes.
Photos.
Random complaints.
Nothing important.
Everything important.
“You could've told me”
“Da”
The answer came softer now.
“I could've”
Another pause.
“I'm still figuring this out too. I don’t know how to said it without making you upset, I thought it just better if you didn’t know, so we can keep talk usually”
That stopped Shane.
Because somehow he'd forgotten.
Forgotten that neither of them knew how to do this.
How much to share.
How much to ask.
How to be boyfriends after years of being everything except that.
“I know, me too. I don’t know why I was so upset”
“You could just tell me you're jealous”
“I'm NOT"
A laugh.
“Okay. Whatever make you sleep better tonight pretty boy”
“Ilya”
“Okay” The smugness in his voice made Shane groan.
But when they hung up an hour later, Shane felt lighter. Not because the jealousy was gone.
It wasn't. Not even close.
But for the first time, he realized something.
The thing hurting wasn't the woman. It was the fact that he wanted a place in Ilya's life that nobody else had.
And maybe, He already had it.