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Eight hours and fifty-two minutes.
That’s how long was still left between Trinity and her freedom. This string of six night shifts had been particularly grueling.
She yawned, for the third time in as many minutes. She had already had too much caffeine to count and she was afraid if she had any more, she would have to be hooked up to one of those monitors lining the hallway opposite the currently empty rooms in central.
She didn’t understand how Shen was still upright, sipping his second - or maybe fourth - cup of iced coffee across from where she was sitting at the hub. Maybe night shift really was built different.
Trinity was ready to be done with nights. They just didn’t suit her like they suited the Night Crawlers. She needed to see the sun more than on her commute home, when she was too exhausted to properly appreciate it.
She felt like the sad, dry plants sitting on the window sill at their apartment’s kitchen.
Huckleberry had kept her awake for most of the day. Trinity had no idea how the farm boy could make any simple activity so loud. She had abandoned the idea of getting more than a few hours after Dennis had dropped a plate while making a sandwich and got up to help him clean up the mess. She didn’t stay mad for long though, his sad eyes and apologetic form made the anger an afterthought.
Eight hours and forty-nine minutes now. She could get to the end of the shift, even if it meant counting every single miserable minute.
------
The last of the day shift had finally left at around 9pm, with Lena gently shooing Dr. Al-Hashimi away after she had stayed to help out post shift change handover. That woman was too diligent for her own good. Trinity had noted that Al-Hashimi looked every bit as tired as Trinity herself felt, muttering to Lena something about ‘it being her responsibility to ensure the smooth running of the department in Dr. Robinavitch’s absence’ and ‘not being in a rush to go back to an empty house’.
Trinity had felt a pang of guilt when she heard the attending’s words. Here she had been wishing for her roommate to be anywhere else - Robby’s place, the farm, on holiday back home in Nebraska so she could get more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep and Al-Hashimi clearly didn’t want to be alone. Trinity had briefly wondered where her son was before shutting that train of thought. It wasn’t any of her business. Al-Hashimi was a private person.
It didn’t matter that sometimes her intense gaze lingered on Trinity for longer than strictly necessary.
How her feedback for her seemed just that little bit more personal - that sometimes it felt like her words carried a deeper meaning.
That Trinity swore she could feel the air grow heavy between them when they were in a room together.
That the gentle reassuring touch on her shoulder after a hard case felt like it could burn a mark through her clothes all the way to her skin.
No.
No, this was her boss. Her very attractive boss. Who had stayed on beyond her initial three month contract as it had become clear Robby wasn’t in a headspace to come back from his sabbatical as quickly as he had planned.
Trinity needed to stop thinking about any of this.
God, she was ready to be done with nights.
------
Trinity was still sitting at the Hub when the first gurney rolled in. Abbot was already there, ready to receive information from the paramedics about the patient, a girl who was shaking and crying while holding an ice pack to her bruised face.
“17-year old driver in a low speed auto versus ped. Stable vitals. Bruising around the facial area from the airbag being deployed plus on the side from her seatbelt. Alert, no signs of intoxication. We’ve called the parents and they’re on their way.” the paramedic rattled off with practiced ease.
There was another teen walking in behind them, looking shocked but mostly unharmed.
“Distracted while driving. Friend here -” she said, pointing at the other girl “- yanked the steering wheel, saved them from a real bad accident”.
Trinity cursed under her breath. Idiots. No wonder the girls were both shaking like autumn leaves off a tree.
“Trauma 2. Shen, Nazely, you’re on it. Santos, with me. The rig behind has the pedestrian. We’ll take Trauma 1” Abbot was directing the flow. Lena nodded, already assigning nurses.
“Sweetheart, let’s get you to a room to be checked out” Trinity watched how Lena guided the other girl towards South 16. Shen had stashed his coffee somewhere and walked towards into Trauma 2, Nazely in tow, both ready to assess the girl who was still sobbing.
Trinity groaned as she got up from her seat, trying to shake the exhaustion off her bones. She could get through this. Eight hours and... however many minutes it was.
She closed her eyes for just a moment and when she opened them, she caught a glimpse in her peripheral vision, as the ambulance bay doors opened.
Trinity stilled. The world stilled around her, seconds stretching into eons.
This must be her exhaustion playing tricks on her. A hallucination. Not real. Not happening.
The world, as it always did, came crashing back. It was happening.
First thing she registered was the curls, matted with blood. The second thing was the pale, pained face. The same face she had just seen reluctantly leave the department less than an hour ago.
Dr. Al-Hashimi - Baran.
“Santos!” Abbot’s voice cut through Trinity’s daze and she snapped into place on the other side of the gurney as they approached Trauma 1.
“Brief LOC at the scene, confused at first but GCS has been holding steady at 15 on the ride over. Last vitals were BP 105/60, pulse 115. Sats good on room air. Bruising over the left side, minor cuts on the face, a laceration on the scalp that was bleeding pretty heavily on the scene, and some pretty nasty swelling on the left wrist. Gave 2mg of morphine on scene, she refused more.” Trinity heard the paramedic say as she saw Abbot take charge.
“Thank you, we’ll take it from here.”
He was already assessing Al-Hashimi with the practiced ease of an attending, but Trinity could see in his eyes that he was worried.
Trinity took a good look at her boss and breathed deeply. She was pale, had bloody cuts and scrapes on her face and arm, with a very swollen and painful looking wrist.
She took out her stethoscope and listened. “Good breath sounds bilaterally.”
Abbot was done with his part of the assessment. “Neck is clear, no sign of facial fractures. Baran, how’s the pain?” he continued.
“It’s okay, I can manage it” Baran gritted as she opened her eyes and winced at the bright overhead lights. She swallowed hard as she closed her eyes again. “Pretty nauseous though.”
Trinity could see her try to control her breathing, to keep it steady.
“Move your fingers for me. Good. We need a head CT and X-ray of that wrist. I need to know if anywhere else hurts” he palpated Baran’s side and she gasped. “Sorry Baran, I will need to cut this” he lifted up the hem of her top and Trinity saw Al-Hashimi do the smallest of nods.
Nurse Vivi, who had previously been busy with getting peripheral access and setting up fluids was right behind Abbot, ready with the trauma shears.
“Vivi, do you have the IV all set? We’ll push Ondansetron to help with the nausea.” The nurse was already on it.
Abbot took the shears and cut Baran’s shirt. He handed Trinity the eFast and Trinity saw the nasty looking bruise along the left side and hip. She pressed the scanner to the skin and saw Baran’s breath hitch.
“No signs of free fluid in the belly” she breathed a sigh of relief, as did Abbot.
“CT can take her in 10, boss” Trinity heard Jesse say from somewhere behind her.
“Good. Let’s finish this assesment and get some more pain meds on board. Baran - any allergies we should know about?”
“No.” she answered quietly “but Tramadol messes with the Keppra”
Trinity stopped in her tracks. Keppra? For a minute she wondered if she heard that right, but busied herself with making sure she hadn’t missed anything with the scan.
She noted that Abbot didn’t seem phased.
“Got it. We’ll give another 2 of morphine before you go up” he said as he inspected the laceration hidden beyond her hairline. “Santos will clean and staple this when you get back. Let’s get another set of vitals before we push the morphine, please.”
Trinity breathed in and got to work, watching the lines of the monitor “BP holding steady at 110/60, pulse at 100bpm. Sats still 100% on room air.” Abbot seemed to be pleased enough with the vitals and gave the okay for the morphine to be pushed into the line.
She bit her lower lip as she watched Abbot lower himself so he was on Baran’s level as he spoke to her. They were quiet enough the Trinity only caught a few words, something about her son and calling someone.
She released a breath she didn’t even realise she’d been holding as Abbot straightened and walked out of the room.
------
Baran had gone up to CT and Trinity was trying not to spiral.
Abbot had assigned her to write the notes on the trauma assessment and she felt like a criminal poking around her boss’s chart.
Focus, Santos.
She couldn’t get the image of Baran laying there, with her curls matted by blood sticking to her forehead. With her eyes shut tight, controlled breathing hitching as she was moved, giving away the amount of pain and discomfort she was in.
Trinity had wanted nothing more than to go scream at the teen who had been trying to do a TikTok while driving and clipped the side of Dr. Al-Hashimi at a crosswalk near the light-rail station.
She took a deep breath. Focus. Do not think about that now.
She also didn’t want to think about what the scene would have looked like if the friend in the car hadn’t pulled on the wheel at the last minute, steering the car away from a full force impact, which likely would have been devastating.
Trinity ran her hands down her face and resumed her attention on the chart. She noted the past medical history and how it felt like a huge invasion of Baran’s privacy. As much as she would have liked, Trinity couldn’t avoid the chart forever.
Long history of epilepsy. Care ongoing with neurology.
At least that explained the Keppra. She had heard right. No wonder Baran had been so quiet when she said that to Abbot. For such a private person it must have been the last thing she wanted to air out in the very department she was overseeing.
That also explained why they now had two attendings on all shifts. Why Al-Hashimi sometimes seemed to decisively steer certain procedures to whoever was on shift with her. Trinity had thought it was because Baran was a good teacher, a good leader who wanted everyone to learn as much as they could. Trinity didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or cry. Her boss might be a human after all, not just Robo-Doc.
------
“Central 8 is free” Trinity’s head snapped up as she heard Lena’s voice.
She also realised she had stopped counting minutes to the end of her shift and started counting them from when she had last seen Baran. It had been 34 minutes. She pulled up the CT and x-ray images on the ipad and joined Jesse and Abbot.
Baran looked so small in the hospital bed, left wrist propped up on a pillow. covered by an ice pack and an bag of IV fluids running into the IV in her right arm. Someone had helped her change from the ruined top into a gown.
Abbot was showing the images from the ipad to Baran. “Head CT is clear. Wrist will need a splint for a couple of weeks but you managed to avoid a break. The bruising will be painful for a while but looks like you got pretty lucky. We will need to monitor you overnight for the concussion. We can discuss it more in the morning when we see how you are feeling…”
Trinity was also looking at the imagining results and in the head CT something caught her eye. She was just about to ask Abbot to step aside when she saw Baran catch her worried expression.
“If you’re concerned with the left temporal artefact in the head CT, that’s not new. This is… not my first rodeo” she said plainly, sounding more like her attending than her patient.
Trinity stammered and managed to nod weakly.
“I’ll leave you to take care of these cuts, Dr. Santos. Let me know if anything changes.” Abbot said as he walked out of the room.
Trinity could feel the air in the room change as she found the saline dressings and stapler and got to work. The cut hidden by Baran’s hairline wasn’t deep, thankfully. A couple of well-placed staples could get the job done.
Trinity took a deep breath and as she did, she caught a whiff of Baran’s shampoo. Lavender and something she couldn’t quite place, mixed with the scent of blood and the hospital. Trinity shook her head and watched Baran wince as she patted the area with the saline dressings.
“Sorry”
Baran just hummed and closed her eyes. Trinity could see the dark circles under her eyes, made even darker by the paleness of her skin. Trinity wanted nothing more than to cup her cheeks and kiss her better.
Focus.
And she did. She cleaned and stapled the cut. Some of her finest, most precise work, hidden by the messy curls.
“There, all done. A Trinity Santos original.” she said and brushed the curls away from Baran’s face. They were no longer sticky and matted, Trinity had made sure of it.
“I’ll treasure the masterpiece” Baran said and Trinity swore she could see a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.
Trinity blushed a little as she moved along with cleaning and dressing the rest of the little cuts on Baran’s face, trying to remain professional while every inch of her felt like she needed to bolt, to get away form this room, to get away from her before she did something she couldn’t take back. Like kiss her boss.
Before she could do any of those things, Baran spoke up.
“My son is with my ex. They’re visiting family out of state for the next three weeks. I didn’t want to worry her but I think I need to call. Could you pass me my handbag? It should be around here somewhere.”
Her.
Oh.
Dr. Al-Hashimi’s ex was a her.
“Of course” she stood up and snapped her gloves into the nearest trashcan. She looked around the room and found the bag on the chair next to the door. “Here. I’ll give you some privacy…”
“No, stay. Please.”
Trinity stopped just as she was by the door. She nodded as she closed it and tried not to eavesdrop. She had already had two revelations about her attending tonight and she didn’t think her heart could take another without entirely giving up on her.
Maybe all those intense glances and burning touches hadn’t been just in her head.
Maybe…
She couldn’t think about it now.
She heard Baran quietly, methodically explain her current situation on the phone. Always so controlled, even when calling from a hospital bed. From what Trinity had understood from the little things Baran had shared over the months of them working together, Baran and her ex had a good relationship still, as co-parents. A blessing in a time like this.
Turning over to the computer to update the chart, she heard a small ping from the system. A medication update. Abbot must have been in the chart as well. Trinity checked the medications tab and saw that Abbot had updated the pain medication and fluids schedule. Trinity also couldn’t help but notice the recent change to the Keppra. It had been upped only a few months ago.
She did recall a few times when in the past she had seen Baran breathe like she was trying not to throw up, or had seen her place a steadying hand on a wall after getting up. Trinity had written that off as her just being tired. But now it made sense, it must have been a medication side effect. She felt a pang of regret and sighed.
If she had known maybe she could have been more gentle. Given less sarcastic remarks. Complained less about the charts. Baran hadn’t complained about having to steady herself or fight through nausea to get through a shift. All while looking perfect and infallible.
Trinity didn’t know what to do so she just closed the chart. Baran could scold her later about incomplete documentation for all she cared.
------
Abbot had placed Baran on hourly obs, which Trinity had volunteered to take care of. She had caught the grateful eye of Vivi, who had been busy juggling a bedpan and a bucket of sick after a group of campers came in with something resembling a bad case of food poisoning.
Trinity was very glad they had been situated in the rooms furthest away from Baran. She needed to remember to thank Lena for the room assignments. The last thing the woman needed was to have them throwing up in the room next to her.
Trinity would deny it if asked, but she had also parked herself on the Central nursing station to chart purely so she could keep an eye on the attending. Mercifully the rest of the night had gone without any major traumas that Shen couldn’t handle with the rest of the night crew and Trinity had been able to stay put for much of the remainder of her shift.
One hour and fifteen minutes left.
Trinity still had lingering adrenaline from the beginning of the night but at the same time felt tired to her bones. Like she could sleep for a week. Right there, on the uncomfortable charting station.
Baran had managed to doze off at around 3 in the morning and Trinity felt horrible every time she had to wake her up to assess her condition.
Just before 6, Trinity walked into the room as quietly as she could, but she could already see the big brown eyes looking at her from the bed.
“You’re awake. Do you need anything?”
Baran shook her head and winced.
“Very convincing. I’ll get you some pain meds. I also saw in your chart that you take your morning Keppra at around 6, should I bring them now as well?”
“Please.”
“Coming right up.”
Trinity walked over to the Pyxis and tapped on the screen. She rested her head on the cool side of the cabinet as she watched the correct drawers open. She also stopped by the break room to grab her a drink and a snack.
“1000mg of Paracetamol and 1500mg of Keppra.” she said as she handed Baran the cup, alongside the juice box and protein bar. Baran looked at them quizzically.
“Get some energy into you. Doctor’s orders” she cringed as she tried to sound casual and miserably failed at it, sounding more desperate than anything else.
Baran said nothing as she took the offerings and tried to open them one-handed.
“Shit, sorry. Let me help you with those” Trinity felt like an idiot. Of course she couldn’t open the wrapper her left wrist out of commission, in a brace. Baran smiled at her flustered face.
“Thank you”
Abbot walked in a few moments later with the chart. “Your obs and vitals have been steady all night, so I’m confident to release you if you have someone to stay with you for the first few days.”
“I’ll stay with her” Trinity said before her brain had the chance to catch up with her mouth “…If you don’t have anyone else, that is. I mean, you said your ex was out of town for weeks and I will kill Huckleberry if he wakes me up with his shower karaoke one more time and-” she was rambling, as she glanced up to Abbot
“I’d like that” Baran cut her off.
Abbot looked at them and smiled “That’s decided then. I’ll make sure the pharmacy has your prescriptions and I’m sure Dr. Santos can take care of any wound care. I also don’t want to see you here for at least two weeks, even for ‘light duty’. We both know that is not in your vocabulary.”
Trinity suppressed a laugh and watched Baran do what looked suspiciously like rolling her eyes. “Yes, sir” she saluted.
------
Dana was the first of the day shift to come in and after talking with Lena, Trinity could see her make a dash towards Central 8. She had just helped Baran change into another of her Lululemon jackets she had in her locker (seriously, how many of those did the woman own?)
Trinity appeared in the doorway just in time to see Dana packing into a bag a pile of wound care supplies that looked suspiciously like they came from the supply closet.
“I’m not having you waste your time at the pharmacy getting these on your way home. Lord knows you’d have to wait half a morning to get all of this sorted by the speed them folks keep moving” she said when Baran tried to protest. That did get a small smile.
Dana was done with packing the supplies and sat next to Baran on the bed, with a reassuring hand on her knee “Lena texted me to let me know what happened. How are you doing? Can I help with anything?”
Baran shrugged “I’m okay, really. Sore, yes, but I’ll live. Trin- Dr. Santos has agreed to help me for a couple of days”
Dana looked at Trinity, and then back at Baran. “If you’re sure. You have my number. Text me at any time if you need to. And if I catch sight of you here before you've healed, God help us all”
Trinity crossed the room and settled on Baran’s other side.
“Ready to go? Handover is all done and you’re cleared to go. I'm off for the next four days before I'm back on the day shift where I belong. I also got a three day supply of meds for you so I can take you home directly.” she said and saw Dana raise an eyebrow but not make a comment. Dana had enough nursing experience to know when to not to put her head into whatever didn’t concern her.
Baran stood up gingerly and Trinity took her handbag and the supply pack Dana had packed. Baran swayed and grimaced, but Trinity and Dana were both ready to support her.
They made their way past the Hub, where a bunch of concerned day shift arrivals looked at her. Dana, ever the charge nurse shooed them off quickly and efficiently and Baran said her thanks to her as she and Trinity slowly continued towards the parking lot and Trinity’s car.
Her car was thankfully not parked very far from the entrance, nor was it as dirty and cluttered as it had been the week before, before she had made Huckleberry clean up all the stuff he kept leaving there.
Trinity helped Baran sit in the car, buckled the seatbelt for her and got in. She held her phone to have Baran type her address in and started driving. Baran sat quietly, with her eyes closed as Trinity reversed out of the parking spot.
The drive over to Baran’s place was quiet, but not in an uncomfortable way. Trinity tried drive steadily, as not to jostle Baran too much, didn’t swear at any of the idiots surrounding her in traffic despite wanting to, several times.
Half an hour later she pulled into a street with a nice-looking apartment complex, surrounded by trees and lush greenery. Of course Baran would live in a beautiful place like this.
She pulled her car into the guest spot at the back of the building and helped Baran stand up and walk towards the main door. They took the elevator up to the 6th floor and Baran handed her the key to the apartment.
The apartment was just like Trinity thought it would be. Spacious but not too big. Warm, inviting, with well thought out design but also it looked like someone lived there. There were a lot of books, some toys strewn about, and a lost sock with penguins peeking out form under one of the bookcases.
Trinity helped Baran sit down on the sofa and breathed a sigh of relief.
“I have a guest room at the end of the hall. It’s next to my bedroom. Trinity, are you sure you are okay with being here? I’m sure I’ll manage on my own-” she said as she tried to shift on the sofa and failed to do so without a grimace.
“I’m staying”
That was final. No more discussion.
“Now, where is the bathroom? I need a hot shower. Or three”
Baran chuckled and gave directions. Of course she would have everything ready for a surprise guest at any time. Trinity made sure Baran was comfortable on the sofa with her phone and a glass of water and an ice pack in arm’s reach, ordered them some breakfast from a cafe that delivered and hopped in the shower.
She had found a soft towel in the cabinet next to the clothes hamper before hopping in the shower. It was a very nice shower. Great water pressure. Trinity let out a long breath as the water rained down on her. She looked at all the fancy bottles of shampoo and conditioner next to the ones with a cartoon lion motif. She considered using the kiddie products but quickly abandoned that thought. Baran had been adamant that she should not be ashamed to use whatever she liked.
A quick shower later she was dressed in some comfortable sweats and a soft Stanford t-shirt she had found in the drawer in the hallway, when the doorbell rang. Their breakfast. She thanked the delivery girl and found Baran dozing on the sofa, under a fluffy blanket.
She almost didn’t have the heart to wake her, but the aroma of chai tea was enough to do the job.
“You remembered” said Baran sleepily. They had shared a few moments in the break room on many a hectic day and Trinity had taken note of Baran’s preference.
“I know you probably disapprove of eating in the living room but I’m overriding that” Trinity said and handed Baran a pastry on a napkin. She took it without protest as Trinity joined her on the other end of the sofa. They ate in silence and at some point, Baran stretched out her leg so that it was touching Trinity’s. Neither of them moved for a while after their breakfast was done.
Trinity watched Baran’s eyes grow heavier and heavier before she decided it was time to help her get ready for bed. The sofa was comfortable but they both needed to get some actual sleep.
Baran didn’t protest when Trinity helped her into the small ensuite bathroom and gave her a washcloth to try to wash away some of the grime of the hospital.
Trinity looked at her softly as she tried to help without embarrassing the other woman. She thought Baran must have been absolutely shattered, having worked a full shift and then spent the night in the hospital. Trinity didn’t even want to think about that. She was still running on fumes herself.
She helped Baran into her bedroom, which made her feel both like an intruder and strangely comforted, she made sure Baran knew she would be just next door. She watched Baran settle into the mattress and felt a fondness in her chest.
“Thank you, Trinity.”
She was out like a light. Trinity tiptoed out of the room and made her way into the guest bedroom.
------
Trinity slept fitfully, but managed to stay asleep past noon until she heard the bathroom door shut. Baran must be awake as well. She quickly texted Dennis to say she wasn’t going to be home for a few days and she would explain it later, before getting up.
After stretching some of the remains of the previous night off her shoulders she made her way into the kitchen.
She needed coffee. A lot of it. So much for reducing her caffeine intake.
She located the machine pretty quickly and made enough for both of them. By the time she had two cups in front of her on the kitchen counter, Baran had materialised into the kitchen, leaning on the doorframe.
“That smells heavenly”.
They sat down opposite each other at the kitchen table and Trinity took a good look at Baran. She looked less pale, less bloody, still bruised but just as beautiful as always.
“How are you feeling?” she asked Baran after studying her face.
“Like I got bumped by a car on a crosswalk”
“Not funny.” Trinity huffed and got up. She found an ice pack in the freezer and put it over Baran’s left wrist. Baran sighed gratefully and took a sip of her coffee.
Trinity did too, and for a few moments they sat in the kitchen, silently.
After a while, Trinity could see, hell, she could hear Baran thinking.
“I guess I owe you an explanation - I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea. I know you’ve read my chart.”
Trinity didn’t know what to say. She had read the chart. She had read one of the most private things about Baran and they both knew it.
“I’ve had it since I was five. I was very ill for a very long time and as a parting gift, I got a seizure disorder. I’ve managed it my whole life. These days it’s just absence seizures, but I used to have tonic-clonics as well.” she took a breath, trying to keep her composure. Trinity reached for her hand across the table and squeezed it gently.
“The scarring you spotted on the CT is from when I had laser ablation to my left temporal lobe. It, with the Keppra kept them in bay until this year.” Baran said and looked out of the window.
Trinity blinked.
“This year. Oh. You’re not driving because of the seizures” Trinity said, connecting the dots “that’s why you were going to the T, right?” she felt Baran take in a sharp breath.
“Yes.”
“How often do they happen?”
“Often enough that I’ve had to give up my driver’s licence for now. I can still practice medicine, if that is what you’re asking, Dr. Santos”
Trinity could see this was a sore subject. She could see the hurt on Baran’s face. She wanted to make sure Baran knew nothing had changed between them.
She opened her mouth to say something when she realised.
Something had changed between them.
The air that used to be heavy and charged felt softer somehow.
“I’ve never doubted that.”