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Jason stepped into his apartment, kicking the door closed behind him as he stepped inside.
He turned to face the wall, putting a hand up at face height to steady himself as he toes off his boots. ‘Red Hood, you’re dismissed,’ echoing again and again in his head.
He was never going to be enough. Never had been enough.
He had gone home, not even trying to defend himself.
He had changed out of his gear, but his mind was still too wound up from the night to go to sleep as his body felt like it was ready to give out.
He had settled for a walk.
Logically, he had known it was going to rain. But he just hadn’t thought about the implications of it until the first of the rain drops had started to fall.
Jason stepped further into his apartment, not caring about relocking the door.
If someone wanted to come in, let them.
He didn’t care anymore.
Jason took a step into the apartment, the stale air filling his nostrils once again as he made his way to his ensuite bathroom. The apartment smelled of stale take out that he had gotten 4 days ago and had let the boxes fumigate the apartment from their new home in his kitchen trash.
That and a very faint undertone of bleach.
Jason flicked on the light as he entered, water dripping into his eyes as he leaned forward to turn on the shower.
He stood back up, letting the water warm for a moment as he undressed.
He closed the door, and hesitated for a moment. His eyes linger on the outlet beside the door.
Without much contemplation he flipped the switch, turning on the wax warmer that always reminded him of a night light. It was just a white ceramic decorative thing that he had gotten at one point or another. He had changed the wax recently to “butterscotch maple”.
It was an old lady smell, but it reminded him of Alfred. There was always some sweet baking in the oven when he had lived at Wayne manor. And now the smell of sweets just seemed to make the self deprecating thoughts that always seemed to go round and round in his head dissipate.
Jason avoided looking in the mirror. Instead, he faced the shower once more – a yellow shower curtain that looked like it belonged in the backrooms – beginning by pulling the rain soaked hoodie up and over his head.
He dropped it, letting it fall to the floor in a wet thwump before moving to his shirt, then pants, socks, briefs.
A pile of soaking wet clothing that would mold if he didn’t take care of it.
Jason stepped into the shower. The warm water making him quietly sigh as he closed his eyes.
He hated the rain, it had never done anything good for him. Just brought on coldness, sickness and headaches that street kid Jason could have done without.
Jason put his head under the shower head, letting the water course through his hair and down his face, forcing him to breathe through his nose slowly to keep from aspirating it.
He allowed himself three breaths of just standing there.
Then he turned, grabbing his shampoo from the hanging shower caddy. He put some in his hand, mixing it between his two hands before beginning to scrub it through his hair.
He hated taking care of his curls. It took too long and he just didn’t see the point if he was just going to be rotting away in his apartment alone before he put on the helmet to go out for patrol. Still, though, he used a moisturizing shampoo that had been chosen through trial and error from his time at the manor. It smelt weird, a mix of rosemary and oatmeal.
But it always made his hair shiny with well defined curls.
He leaned back, keeping his eyes closed as he rinsed out the shampoo. The smell of the butterscotch maple wax melt finally started to fumigate the small steam filled room.
Jason turned around again, grabbing his conditioner. He put about a quarter size worth on his palm again before replacing the bottle. He squished the viscous substance between his hands before reaching up to run it through his hair as he continued to face the water. The conditioner was shea butter based, though it oddly smelt like the bars of soap that every hotel seems to carry. That weird fakely fresh but also smooth and unoffending scent.
Jason rinsed his hands, holding them out like a toddler showing their mother how dirty they had gotten, waiting for her to wipe their hands clean with a wet wipe. He grabbed his bar of soap.
He rubbed the bar around his body, staring at his arms and working his way down. He knew doing it this way and not using a wash cloth or loofa made the bar disappear faster, but right now, he didn’t care. He worked his way down his body, covering himself in the scent of ‘lemon mystic’ before rinsing both his hair and body.
He leaned down, turning off the water immediately. His brain telling him that he hadn’t earned the comfort and tranquility that came with just standing under the shower head and relaxing for a minute before going back to the real world.
Jason stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist before exiting the bathroom. Turning the light off behind him but leaving the wax melt on.
He scuffed his feet along the hard wood floor, reaching into his dresser draws to grab boxers, pj pants and a hoodie and quickly dressing himself. He let the towel fall to the floor.
He would deal with it later. From his place in the bedroom he could see his kitchen through the bedroom door and his bed.
He hadn’t eaten all day.
Hell…
He hadn’t eaten in awhile.
But…
He was so tired. His face felt like his muscles were just giving up, making his face droop like a Saint Bernard.
He didn’t feel hungry, but he did feel tired.
He chose his bed.
He fell, allowing his body to collide with the mattress face first as he flopped onto it.
He unceremoniously curled in on himself. Drawing his legs up as he rolled onto his side, the faint smell of his lavender laundry detergent beginning to be drowned out by the smell of butterscotch maple.
He just needed to sleep.
Hoping that he would wake up with his ‘low’ magically gone, Jason fell asleep. Without ever checking back in with the bats after his fight with Bruce.
0o0o0
Jay had gone missing. Stripped himself of all his gear in his nearest safehouse and just vanished. His phone, keys, wallet, guns everything just dumped.
Like he had though they had planted trackers on him.
Like he thought they were going to hunt him down like a rogue just because B had gotten hot headed.
Nightwing had instructed Red Robin to take Robin for the night with Spoiler as back up. Giving him the perfect opportunity for him and B to have one of their long overdue screaming sessions on a rooftop in the narrows.
He didn’t know why it was always the narrows, just that the people were like that of the people of New York. ‘You don’t see nothin, you don’t hear nothin, just keep walkin.’
It had gone as well as it usually did. Bruce and Dick screaming their frustrations out, some punches thrown yada yada until Afred or Babs broke them up and sent one home or both.
Tonight it was Alfred.
B had been sent home.
Dick was on comms with Babs, trying to find their wayward bird.
“I got movement at Hood’s safehouse,” she had reported.
Dick had descended from the rooftops to his bike. His location was 20 minutes away if he abided by the speed limit.
He could make it in 10.
0o0o0
Nightwing slipped in through the window, Oracle having gone to deactivate the alarm system just to find that it had never been reactivated when the safe house had been entered.
Not good.
Jay had been acting off for a while now, but this was weird even for him.
Dick began clearing the living room and kitchen areas, checking the closet before heading towards the bedroom.
The apartment smelt like someone had laid freshly baked cookies over rotten food. Jason was worse off than they had thought. He was always the clean one of all of them.
They had thought he was just going through a rough patch, but the over flowing trash, sink full of dishes and scattered mess screamed that he wasn’t okay.
Dick pushed the bedroom door open slowly, the smell of cookies instantly getting stronger.
Jason laid on his bed, his breathing even as wet hair laid over his forehead.
They had found him.
Everything else came second.
They knew he was safe.
Dick sighed from relief, pulling out his phone to text Babs he had found Jay, not wanting to speak out loud and risk waking him up.
Dick closed the door behind him, turning the knob so the keys of the door wouldn’t make a sound as the door relatched.
He quickly stripped, removing his gear and leaving it in a neat pile on a part of the bedroom floor where he could still see some of the wood underneath amongst the scattered clothing, gear and paperwork.
In his under armor, Dick crawled into Jason’s bed.
He could deal with the screaming later about being cuddled.
At least he was safe.
They could deal with everything else tomorrow.
He didn’t have to deal with Bruce’s cold shoulders alone anymore.