Chapter Text
Yelena has decided that life since she can remember has felt like falling off a building. It’s loud as the wind whips in her ears and she gains speed in her descent. She’s always had a parachute however to keep her from landing splat on the ground.
First, it was Natasha, and then it was alcohol. It always helped her land softly on the ground; however, she never saw who she was landing on as she fell. So, she hurt people. She pushed them away even though they tried to pull the parachute for her.
Now she’s here again, standing on the edge of a building, looking at all the people she’s hurt down below and instead of being pushed off, she jumps. And she knows nothing will stop her fall this time.
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The pain comes first. A blinding headache and sore bones that vibrate with weakness. Yelena hates to feel weak.
The realization comes second. Of what she’s done and where she is, as she hears the monitors beeping all around her.
It takes too much effort to open her eyes, so she lays there a minute, trying to settle into the pain. Her wrists are bandaged from her failure and there are hushed voices at the door. One sounds familiar but Yelena can’t place it. It brings a familiar guilt with it however and curious Yelena opens her eyes.
The fluorescent lights are blinding for a moment as her tired eyes adjust, but once they do, she regrets ever opening them at all for the flood of guilt and embarrassment that comes from seeing that red hair.
Natasha notices Yelena’s eyes have opened, and she quietly finishes her conversation with who Yelena assumes is one of her doctors and sits down in the chair next to bed.
Yelena has closed her eyes again trying desperately to push down the guilt coursing through her body. She could use a drink right about now. But that is how she got here so perhaps not.
“You never really were that good at pretending to sleep” Natasha says, catching Yelena in her lie.
She doesn’t want to open her eyes, yet she figures Natasha deserves it. After everything Yelena has done and coming here when they haven’t spoken in three years means the world to Yelena. But she isn’t about to admit that. So, she opens her eyes.
“They should not have called you. I’ve not changed my emergency contact status in years.” Yelena says instead, “you can go if you need. You probably have a lot more important things to do.”
Natasha doesn’t respond immediately, instead letting herself study Yelena’s face. Sadness and pain flashes across Natasha’s features and Yelena hates herself, knowing she’s the cause of it. She looks away before the tears she’s been holding back for years start to fall, but she feels a hand press gently against the bandages of her wrist
“You’re important Yelena.” Natasha says with a soft sincerity that threatens the tears to fall harder.
Yelena knows that if she looks at Natasha, they will fall. So instead, she looks down at Natasha hand on her wrist. As if she senses Yelena’s panic, Natasha removes her hand.
“Besides you’re coming with me.” Natasha says
This makes Yelena startle from her feelings.
“What? No, I’m not.” Yelena snaps. She knows she shouldn’t, but she can’t go with Natasha.
“Sorry to say but you don’t get much of a choice. Doctors say you either come with me, or they put you in a state mental hospital, and we both know you won’t go there.”
Natasha doesn’t say why even though she knows, and Yelena silently thanks her for that.
“Why are you doing this?” Yelena asks because she needs to know. Needs to know how after everything Natasha could still be kind to her.
“Потому что ты моя младшая сестра,” Because you’re my little sister, Natasha says in Russian.
Yelena didn’t know that she classified as that anymore. She doesn’t think she deserves it. But Natasha’s eyes are filled with determination to let her see that she does.
“Come on сеструха,” Natasha says as she pats Yelena’s thigh, “let’s go home.”
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After being discharged into Natasha’s hands, they went to Yelena’s apartment. Not that you could really call it such. It was more of a room, with a bathroom, and very small kitchen, but it’s not like she ever needed much. All her stuff could fit in a duffle bag and that’s the way she liked it.
When Yelena opens the door, she takes in the disaster of last night. Bottles strewn about the floor dirty dishes in the sink, and a knife on the kitchen floor. She actively avoids that part and instead heads straight for her closet, packing her limited clothes in a practiced fashion.
Behind her she hears Natasha picking up bottles and washing dishes. A red heat of embarrassment crawls up her neck. She’s never had someone come over, and she wonders what Natasha thinks of her life when she sees the shit hole she lives in.
Once she’s finished with her clothes she heads to the nightstand and opens the drawer to grab the tin my little pony lunchbox. It’s the only sentimental thing she’s ever allowed herself to keep, and she stuffs it in her duffle before Natasha can see.
“Ok, I’m done.” Yelena says and faces Natasha who has been drying her dishes
“Already?” She asks surprised
“Yes. And you do not have to do that.” Yelena adds as she motions to the plate and dishrag in Natasha’s hands. Natasha just smiles.
“I know. But I will.”
There’s something in the way Natasha says this that feels like she’s saying let me take care of you. It makes Yelena’s skin
crawl.
Natasha finishes with the dishes as Yelena goes down to her landlord to pay rent for the next two months. She doesn’t know how long she’ll be gone but she’d rather not have to go apartment hunting when she returns. They leave the apartment and head to JFK. Natasha buys the tickets even after Yelena insists she can buy her own, and before she knows it Yelena is heading to Columbus, Ohio.
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The flight takes 2 hours, and Yelena puts in her headphones the whole time. The last thing she wants is Natasha asking her anything about her life for the last three years.
Natasha doesn’t seem to mind however as she pulls out a book of puzzles and goes about solving them throughout the entire journey. Perhaps she’s giving Yelena the space she wants.
When the plane lands they grab their bags and head out to where Maria is leaning against a pole waiting for them. She looks rigid and tense but as soon as she sees Natasha she visibly relaxes. The small smile appearing on her face reaches her eyes as she pushes off the wall and goes to meet them.
Natasha wraps her arms around Maria’s neck and sags into her embrace. Yelena can see the stress Natasha has been keeping in her shoulders disappear and she’s suddenly incredibly grateful to the person in front of her who she’s never even met.
“Hi you,” Natasha says as she discreetly kisses Maria on the lips.
Yelena feels out of place here. Like this is a private moment and she should look away, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t understand exactly why she keeps looking.
“Hello,” Maria replies, as she looks over Natasha’s shoulder, making eye contact with Yelena.
Yelena squirms under her curious eyes, her skin crawling as the guilt emerges in her throat. Who knows what Natasha has told Maria. She must think she is a waste of space. Yelena certainly feels as such of herself.
When Natasha breaks the hug she turns towards Yelena.
“Yelena, this is my wife Maria,” Natasha says cheerfully as if it’s her favorite words to say “Maria, my little sister Yelena.”
Maria holds out her hand for Yelena to shake it and she does. Her grip is firm and professional. It matches her whole personality.
“Hello Yelena, it’s nice to meet you.”
“You too” Yelena responds.
They stand there awkwardly until Natasha claps her hands and grabs Yelena’s duffle bag.
“Well now that we’ve introduced ourselves let’s go. Still a long drive ahead of us.”
Yelena reaches for it immediately, not wanting Natasha to have to carry her stuff. She can do it herself, but Natasha pulls it from her reach.
“Natasha I can take my own bag,” Yelena insists, “and you already have your own there is no need.”
Natasha however shakes her head, and hands her backpack to Maria who take it without a word, slinging it over her shoulder.
“See?” Natasha says as if her point has been proven “now there is no need for you to take your bag.”
Yelena grumbles, crossing her arms, but she knows she won’t win. If there is anyone more stubborn than her it is Natasha.
So, she lets Natasha take her bag, sitting with the uncomfortable guilt that it brings.
They make their way to a rustic green jeep, Natasha and Maria put their bags in the trunk and hopping into the front while Yelena slides into the back seat. Maria starts the car, reversing out of the parking lot and onto the road.
“It should be about an hour drive. It’s nice though. Especially at this time with all the leaves.” Natasha tells Yelena.
As soon as Maria merges onto the highway she reaches across the center console to intertwine her fingers with Natasha’s. It’s again one of these moments that seem so private that Yelena should look away but she just can’t. She watches as Natasha smiles at Maria like she’s the moon and she’s never seen something so beautiful. It’s nice to see that even after all Natasha has been through, she’s found what she was always looking for. Belonging. Even if Natasha would never admit it to herself, she was looking.
“Should we play some music?” Natasha asks them both.
“As long as it’s not the radio” Maria answers “if I have to hear that man-child sing how he doesn’t want to be a homewrecker one more time I’m drowning myself in the lake.”
Natasha laughs as she digs through the glove box to find something.
“I actually had something else in mind.” Natasha says as she holds up a cassette which Yelena could recognize anywhere.
It stabs a part of her she had buried so deep under her armor she forgot it existed. The memories of that time taste bitter now.
Natasha sees the tension in Yelena’s shoulders at the revelation of the cassette and so instead she puts it back in the glove box and connects her phone, playing calm folk songs she knows Yelena likes.
Yelena is grateful. She doesn’t think she could handle the song right now. So, she lets the calm voice of Steve Walsh carry her out of her thoughts, looking out the window to take in the beautiful November colors of Ohio.
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Yelena wasn’t sure what she was expecting Natasha’s house to look like, but this wasn’t it.
They enter a private dirt road near sunset and at the end Yelena is greeted with a large white house with a large porch and gray shutters. On the right of the house is a barn with faded red wood.
The view reminds Yelena of this book she read when she was younger about an orphan with red hair. She can’t remember her name now. Was it Annie? Ally? It’s just how she had pictured the house when she was younger, and a warmth spreads in her chest.
Yelena steps out of the car taking in the vast space of the farm. There’s large fields surrounding the house, on one side crops and the other empty fields. Yelena suspects for horses, which again surprises Yelena to find out Natasha might have horses.
Natasha comes over to her with Yelena’s bag slung over her shoulder, patting her on the back and inviting her or follow her in.
Yelena walks up the steps of the porch and on the railing, she catches a little black ball with two yellow staring at her. A cat. Natasha has a cat. Natasha spots the cat quickly after Yelena and drops the bag in the porch to go pick the cat up. She cradles the thing in her arms, and it purrs, rubbing its head against her.
“Hi Liho, I missed you so so much” she says nuzzling the cat with her own face.
Yelena doesn’t know what to make of this. She hasn’t seen Natasha so affectionate in so long and if she’s honest it’s throwing her off a bit.
Yelena steps away from the sight and goes to grab her bag, but when she looks back Maria already has it in her hands.
“Come on,” Maria says and motions for the door, “I’ll show you to your room.”
Yelena tentatively follows her, not sure if she wants to be alone with this woman but very sure she can’t handle the sight behind her.
Maria leads her up the stairs and to a white door at the end of the hallway. She opens it to reveal a modest guest room, with what seems to be a comfortable bed and convenient furniture. There’s nothing to distinguish this room as special and Yelena is grateful for that.
“Bathrooms down the hall,” Maria says, “I’ll let you get settled and come down for dinner in an hour?”
She phrases the last part as a question so Yelena nods and thanks her, as Maria closes the door behind her leaving Yelena alone for the first time today.
She drops her bag and drops herself onto the bed, exhaustion seeping into her bones and mind. I nap right about now wouldn’t hurt her, she thinks as her eyes flutter closed and the sounds of crows and trees moving with the wind lull her to sleep.
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When Yelena wakes up the sun has set. She looks at the clock on the nightstand showing 11:46. Fuck, she thinks. She missed dinner. On one hand she feels incredibly guilty but on the other she isn’t sure she could sit with Natasha and Maria.
She could try to fall back asleep, but she knows it’s pointless, so instead she gets up and slips through the hallway down the stairs. She’s almost made it completely down the stairs when the last step gives a loud creek. She stops making sure nobody has heard her, but then she hears her name.
“Yelena?” Natasha calls.
Yelena follows the sound of Natasha’s into the kitchen where she’s leaning on the island, a glass of water in her hand. She gives Yelena a soft smile. Softer than she deserves.
“Sorry I missed dinner.” Yelena says
“It’s ok. I figured you needed the rest.”
“You could have woken me. I would not have minded.” Yelena insists.
Natasha pauses and studies her for a minute.
“Yeah that’s not gonna slide here.”
Yelena frowns “What do you mean?”
“This whole guilt thing you’ve got going on.” She says as she motions to Yelena “You’re here because I want you to be. Don’t think about how you don’t deserve this and about the things that happened three years ago. I gave up on you then but I’m not giving up now.”
Yelena is taken aback because she didn’t expect this. She just lowers her head.
“Maybe you should.”
Natasha sets her glass down and crosses the kitchen to where Yelena is. She tilts her head up and brings their foreheads together.
“Don’t say that” Natasha whispers “you’re worth it to me. You just don’t see it yet.”
Yelena wants to cry. She wants Natasha to wrap her in her arms and cry until the exhaustion overcomes her and when she wakes up, cry again. She doesn’t deserve this. She knows she doesn’t deserve this, but maybe this is the time she’ll try to become the type of person who does.
So, she nods against Natasha’s head and steps back, the contact being all too overwhelming. Natasha seems to understand she needs space so walks back toward her glass and goes to leave.
“Maria made you a plate if you want it. It’s in the fridge.” Natasha says, “I’m going to bed.”
“Ok. Thank you. Good night.”
“Good night, Yelena.”
And Natasha leaves her with the low lighting of the kitchen and her thoughts.