Archive of Our Own

The first thing I noticed on the first day of second semester was all the noise.

It wasn't like it was horribly loud or anything, it was just always there. The campus never really stops talking to itself. And it wasn’t like I didn’t notice it last semester either, but after finishing that first semester it made me realize that this was the rest of my life.

Voices would carry through the quad or doors slamming would echo through the hallways. Like it was all trying to tell me something, but I could never really pick up on what it was.

I kept walking anyway.

Inside the science building, the air always feels different to me. Clean in a way that feels slightly artificial. Sometimes it would remind me of places I don’t like remembering.. all the bright light, metal surfaces, everything too exposed. I tried to focus on my footsteps instead.

Left. Right. Left.

The hallway I walk down every day was empty, which should’ve felt normal but still felt wrong in a way I couldn't explain. My footsteps echoed too clearly. The sound came back to me too neatly, like the building is paying attention.

Halfway down, I stopped.

Something felt off.

It was almost nothing, and I knew it was nothing, so I told myself that's what it was and started walking again.

I turned the corner and that was when I saw him.

At first my brain didn't process it properly. I slowed down without meaning to.

He shifted slightly. The light caught his face and the recognition hit all at once.

Zeke Tyler.

I stopped completely.

I forgot how long it had been since I last saw him. I hadn't thought about him for months.

Zeke looked up and saw me, standing there, staring at him. I knew I had this stupid look of shock on my face that I tried to wipe off immediately.

A grin started to spread across his face as his eyes locked with mine, slow and familiar in a way that made my stomach tighten.

“Casey Connor.”

My mouth opened, and I tried to say something, anything, but I didn't know what to say. I just stood there.

Zeke pushed off the wall and started walking toward me like there’s no reason not to. Like he had seen me everyday for the past like seven or eight months.

“You look..” He tilted his head slightly as he got closer, eyes scanning me like I’m something he’s trying to remember and reassemble at the same time. “Different.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Man, straight to the point. I just got out of class.”

“You go to school here?”

“Yeah?”

“Since when?”

“Since last semester. What's with all the questions?”

“I’ve just never seen you around here. You totally disappeared after the last couple days of school. And I didn't see you at graduation.”

“That’s because I didn't go. Waste of time.”

Maybe I should've walked away, but instead I just stood there staring at him like I couldn't believe he was real. I honestly had thought that he had gotten addicted to scat and overdosed in a ditch somewhere.

Then, I realized I should probably make my way to my lecture, but at the same time I just wanted to stand there as every horrifying memory came back. 

His expression shifted, like he could read my mind. “You gonna run away this time, or are we doing the full reunion thing?”

“I’m not..”

Neither of us moved for a moment.

Then he glanced down the hallway and back at me.

“So.. You free?”

I blink. “What?”

“Do you wanna get coffee?” He asked. “Or whatever normal people do when they run into someone from their past and don’t immediately spiral?”

There’s something about the way he says it that makes my chest tighten. Like he’s joking, but also not fully joking. Like he’s watching to see what I’ll do with it. 

It was like he knew exactly who I was, like I hadn't changed at all.

“I have class.” I said.

“After?”

“..Maybe.” I said.

His grin returned like he was satisfied. “Cool. I’ll find you then.”

I took a few steps backwards, still watching him, as he walked the opposite way down the hall.

All I could think about was him. I mean, not just him, but everything. 

I swear, that whole lecture I didn't pay attention to a single thing my professor had said because all I could do was think about everything that had happened since the invasion. 

I have always hated calling it “the invasion” because it made it sound so fake, like it was something on tv, like it was something that didn’t actually happen to me. I know it happened to me though because as much as I have tried to forget it, I never could.

I had been having nightmares ever since it all happened. Sometimes I would be out on the football field or the gymnasium or it was just teachers standing too still in empty classrooms while I realized that something was wrong with their eyes. I always woke up before the worst part. And I would usually be sweating through my shirt and sometimes convinced that it was happening again. 

People loved to act like what happened made us heroes. That was the word everyone used after the story got out enough to become legend and then faded enough to become gossip. Hero. 

They used to say things like: Casey Connor saved the school. Like I had done any of it alone or like I had known what I was doing. Most of the time I still felt like that terrified kid running through the halls trying not to die. 

Different. That was the word Zeke had used. I still wasn't sure if he meant it in a good way. 

Back in high school I had been all sharp edges and nervous energy. I was always constantly looking over my shoulder before I even had a reason to. 

I had dated Delilah for almost three months after everything happened. Which, honestly, still felt insane to think about sometimes. Delilah fucking Profitt. Head cheerleader. Homecoming queen. The kind of girl who always looked like she belonged exactly where she was. 

People loved us together. Well.. they loved her. They tolerated me standing next to her because apparently surviving an alien invasion made me interesting for a while. I think they just liked the idea of us or maybe it was just Delilah that liked the idea of me. I think she just liked the idea of dating some hero that saved the world even though that wasn’t what I was.

At first I thought maybe we understood each other in some weird impossible way after what happened like surviving something together automatically meant intimacy. I thought it was the thing that bonded us and would keep us together because no one else would really understand what it was like to have to go through all of that. Turns out trauma and love aren't actually the same thing. 

After like six months she barely looked at me anymore unless we were around other people. Then she started hanging around the new quarterback constantly, and after a while she stopped pretending she wasn't cheating on me with him. The breakup itself lasted maybe four minutes. I remembered sitting there afterward thinking I should probably feel more devastated than I actually did. Mostly I just felt embarrassed. 

Stokely had called Delilah a fascist in the cafeteria two days later and somehow that made me feel a little better. 

I still talked to Stokes and Stan sometimes. Stan was easy to talk to in that effortless way some people are. Stokely still scared me a little, which I think she enjoyed. They were still together somehow. And it made me feel happy to see them together. Sometimes we'd get coffee and I would sometimes end up feeling like I was accidentally intruding on something. Not because they made me feel unwanted, I just never really figured out how to stop standing slightly outside of things. 

The weird thing was that I thought Zeke would've disappeared completely after high school. For a while he almost did. He'd joined the football team after everything happened, which literally nobody expected. But Stan told me later that he eventually got kicked off because he stopped showing up. He started skipping classes again after a while too. Classic Zeke. 

Nobody seemed to know where he went. I mean, I wasn’t even sure if he graduated because he wasn’t there. But somehow he was here at my university. Leaning against walls like he'd always belonged there.

I wondered why that was the part that I was stuck on. Why I couldn’t stop thinking about why Zeke was at my school. Zeke Tyler had somehow ended up here and it didn’t make sense in my head no matter how many times I tried to rearrange it in my head. University itself already felt weird enough to me, like everyone had been handed instructions on how to exist except for me. But Zeke being here? Walking around these hallways and sitting through lectures and carrying books around campus? That felt impossible. 

I stared down at my notebook, realizing I hadn't written anything for the past twenty minutes. I sank lower in my chair. The professor kept talking, but I stopped listening. 

The truth was, after everything happened, everyone else seemed to move on faster than I did. Delilah moved on. Stan and Stokely moved on together. Even the town moved on eventually. Herrington became one of those stories people brought up at parties or football games. Half the people didn’t even believe it anymore. Parents complained about “mass hysteria” and teachers avoided talking about it altogether unless they absolutely had to. 

For me it never really stopped. There were days where I could almost forget about it entirely, then somebody would stand too still in the grocery store or a teacher would put a hand on my shoulder unexpectedly and suddenly every nerve in my body would light up all at once.

My therapist back home used words like hypervigilance and post-traumatic stress disorder in a calm voice while I stared at the carpet and avoided eye contact. My mom liked that explanation because it sounded treatable. I only went to therapy because she made me.

But there were certain things I never told anybody. Like how sometimes, right before falling asleep, I still became convinced that if I looked outside my bedroom window I would see someone standing there smiling at me with empty eyes. Or how for months after it happened I couldn’t drink water without thinking about parasites. 

The professor finally dismissed class, and the sound of everyone standing at once snapped me back into the room so abruptly that my pulse jumped. I shoved my notebook into my bag and stood up slowly, trying not to think too hard about the fact that Zeke had said he would find me after class. 

Even though I felt excited, it was mostly in a nerve-wracking kind of way that I could not put my finger on. But also I felt exhausted and drained from filing through my memories that entire class.

I walked out of the lecture hall and started walking down the hallway. 

I thought maybe Zeke had left. I don't know why that disappointed me. 

Then I turned the corner and almost walked directly into him. “Jesus Christ–” 

Zeke grinned immediately and grabbed my shoulder as I attempted to take a step back from him. “There he is.” 

He was leaning against the wall outside my lecture hall like he'd been standing there for a while with a messenger bag hanging loose off one shoulder that looked weirdly academic on him. 

“You actually waited.” I said before I could stop myself. 

“Wow.” Zeke said. “You say the sweetest things to me.” 

I rolled my eyes automatically, but heat crept up the back of my neck anyway. 

“Were you seriously standing out here the whole time?” I asked. 

“Nah. I disappeared mysteriously for like forty minutes to maintain my reputation.” 

Students moved around us in loose groups, brushing past without paying attention, but somehow it still felt like the hallway had narrowed down to just the two of us standing there. It made me nervous. Or maybe overwhelmed is the right word. It was all just too much at that moment and it made my heart beat a little faster than normal, but slower at the same time.

“So.” Zeke said as tugged lightly on the sleeve of my hoodie between his fingers like we’d been hanging out yesterday. “Coffee.” 

“That wasn't a question.” 

“Nope.” 

I glanced sideways at him. “What if I said no?” 

“I’d be devastated.” 

“You don't sound devastated.” 

“I’m masking it.” 

I let out a huff of a laugh before I could stop myself. Zeke turned toward me with this immediate look of satisfaction that made my stomach twist again. Zeke must’ve noticed my expression shift because then his own softened a little too. 

Then, before I could think too hard about any of it, he reached over and pressed the side of his hand briefly against the middle of my back. 

“C’mon, Connor.” He said. “You look like you’re about to have a nervous breakdown in public.” 

The warmth of his hand burned straight through my hoodie. And stupidly, horribly, I followed him.

The campus coffee shop was crowded. Usually places like this made me want to leave immediately, but somehow with Zeke beside me it felt strangely manageable. Distracting was probably a better word. He moved through the line like he belonged there, leaning against the counter while the girl taking orders smiled at him. 

I watched him flirt with the cashier and didn’t say anything, but then Zeke turned toward me immediately, grin flashing. 

“Are you jealous already?” 

And I still didn’t say anything, but somehow he didn’t believe me. 

“Mm.” 

I hated how amused he looked. 

When we finally sat down, Zeke dropped into the chair across from me and stretched his legs out underneath the table like he planned on staying a while. It should’ve felt awkward, but it didn’t. I mean, maybe I felt a little awkward on the inside, but he made it so it wasn’t. After years of not seeing him, after everything that happened between then and now, sitting across from Zeke somehow felt bizarrely natural. 

Zeke took a sip of coffee and made a face immediately. “This tastes like burnt shit.” 

There was a brief silence after that, but not an uncomfortable one. More like both of us were circling around the same thing without touching it yet. 

“So what’s your deal now, Connor?” He asked. “What’re you majoring in?” 

“Biology.” 

“Jesus Christ.” 

“What?” 

“You got even nerdier.” 

“I was always nerdy.” 

“Yeah, but now it’s institutionalized.” 

I rolled my eyes. “What about you?” 

Zeke leaned back in his chair slightly, tapping his fingers against the side of his coffee cup. “Chemistry.” 

I blinked at him. 

“What?” He said. “You think I’m too pretty for science?” 

“No, I just–” I stopped myself. “Chemistry?” 

“Rude.” 

“You sold homemade drugs out of your garage in high school.” 

“And now I do it with academic funding.” 

I stared at him. Zeke grinned over the rim of his cup. 

“Kidding. Mostly.” 

“Zeke.” 

“What? Relax. I’m evolving.” 

“You’re proving my point.” 

“And what point is that?” 

“That you haven’t changed at all.” 

The words slipped out easier than I meant them to. Zeke just looked at me, not offended, just thoughtful in a way I didn’t expect. 

“You really think that?”

“I mean.. yeah. Kind of.” 

“You think I’m still the same guy from high school?” 

There was something weirdly genuine in the question. 

“I guess..” I said slowly. “I didn’t really know you that well after all.” 

The second I said it I could feel Zeke looking at me like his eyes were burning my skin before laughing softly under his breath. 

“Damn.” He said. “That sounded way more emotionally devastating than I think you intended.” 

“I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“I know.” 

I frowned slightly. “Why are you smiling?” 

“You’re interesting now.” 

“I wasn’t interesting before?” 

“Nah.” Zeke pointed at me lazily. “Before you were just terrified all the time.” 

“That’s not true.” 

“Connor, you looked like a feral cat for most of senior year.” He laughed at me, in the nicest way possible.

“So..” I said, trying to redirect myself before my brain got weird about it. “Why didn’t I see you around at all last semester?” 

Zeke shrugged immediately. “I don’t know. Why didn’t I see you around?” 

“That’s not an answer.” 

“Sure it is.” 

“You seriously never saw me?” 

“Nope.” 

“That’s impossible. We should have general science classes together, it doesn't make any sense.” 

“You saying I would've remembered you?” 

The way he said it made heat creep back into my face again. “You’re annoying.” I muttered. 

“And yet here you are.” 

I hated that he was right. Zeke leaned forward slightly then, resting his arms against the table. 

“You know what I think?” He said. 

“I’m afraid to ask.” 

“I think you spend way too much time in that weird science building and not enough time having fun.” 

“I have fun.” 

“Doing what?” 

“.....Studying.” 

“Oh my god. That’s the saddest thing anybody’s ever said to me.”

I laughed. He laughed too and I found myself staring at him again. Zeke always laughed with his whole body, leaning back in his chair like amusement physically pulled at him. It was weirdly nice. 

“You seriously need hobbies.” Zeke said after he took another sip of his coffee. “You can’t spend your entire life hiding in a lab like some Victorian child dying of tuberculosis.” 

“I do not hide in a lab.” 

“You absolutely do.” 

“I go to class.” 

“You say that like it disproves my point.” 

I rolled my eyes again, but I could feel myself smiling into my coffee cup. Zeke drummed his fingers lightly against the side of his cup. 

“So biology, huh?” He asked. “You trying to become a doctor or something?” 

“Maybe research.” 

“That sounds miserable.” 

“It’s not miserable. You say that like you’re not a chemistry major.” 

“Yeah, but chemistry’s cool. Biology’s just wet.” 

I stared at him. “The fuck does that mean?” 

“Chemistry has explosions. Biology’s just.. mucus and sadness.” 

I laughed again before I could stop myself. 

“There. That’s what I’m talking about.” 

“What?” 

“You’re less scary now.” 

“I was never scary.” 

“Senior year you looked like you were one inconvenience away from biting somebody.” 

“That’s dramatic.” 

“You used to stare at teachers like they were gonna unzip their skin and reveal tentacles.” 

My smile faded a little automatically. Zeke noticed instantly and his expression shifted too. 

“Hey.” He said quietly. “I’m kidding.” 

“I know.” But my chest still tightened anyway because he wasn’t wrong. 

There was a small silence after that. 

Then Zeke leaned back again and tilted his head at me. “You ever get nightmares?” 

“Sometimes.” 

Zeke nodded once like he already knew the answer. “Me too.” He said casually. 

Something about how easily he admitted it made me look back up at him. “You do?” 

“Connor, I saw Ms. Burke walk around with no head after I smashed my car into a school bus. I stabbed the science teacher in the eye with a pen full of drugs after I cut his fingers off. I shot our vice principal in the head. Yeah, I get nightmares.” 

Fuck. That hit me hard. 

I couldn’t tell if he was trying to still joke with me or not about all of this. I had no reaction to that because I didn’t know how to react anymore.

Zeke grinned slightly. “Trauma bonding.” 

“That’s not what trauma bonding means.” 

“Wow. College changed you.” 

I shook my head, smiling again before it slowly faded. “Sometimes I still feel like everybody else got over it except me..” 

“I sure fucking haven’t.” 

“Everyone else then.”

“Nobody got over it.” 

“Delilah did.” 

“Delilah was emotionally evil before the aliens. Doesn’t count.” 

I laughed and suddenly I realized I hadn’t felt this normal around somebody in a long time. 

Zeke changed the subject and started telling me some story about nearly blowing up a lab last semester because his professor “lacked vision,” and I found myself watching the way his hands moved when he spoke. 

He was still him, but also not because underneath all of it there was something steadier. High school Zeke always seemed like he was halfway out the door even while standing right in front of you, but this version of him felt more solid somehow. Like maybe he had decided to stay alive on purpose. Like he wasn’t going anywhere.

He noticed me staring at him while he talked. I thought I was just trying to listen, but I guess he didn’t think so. He nudged one of his sneakers lightly against mine underneath the table. My entire nervous system immediately became aware of the fact that we were sitting way too close together and Zeke watched my expression change with amusement. 

“You still blush so easy.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Nah. I think it’s cute.” 

My stomach felt like it was flipping over itself. “You flirt with everybody this much?” I muttered. 

“Only the emotionally repressed ones.” 

“I’m not emotionally repressed.” 

“You looked ready to jump out the fucking window five seconds ago.” His sneaker was still lightly touching mine underneath the table, not moving away at all. 

“You’re impossible.” 

“And yet incredibly charming.” 

“You’re really committed to this whole thing, huh?” 

“What thing?” 

“The flirting.” 

Zeke tilted his head slightly. “You think I’m joking?” 

My brain stalled out completely. I genuinely couldn’t tell anymore. High school Zeke flirted with everyone: teachers, every single student, random strangers, any single person given the opportunity.

“I think you like making me nervous.” 

Zeke’s grin widened immediately. “Oh, absolutely.” 

“Great.” 

“It’s cute.” 

“Stop saying that.” 

“Nah.” 

I groaned, dragging a hand down my face while Zeke laughed again. 

God. I had forgotten how easy he made everything feel. Not easy in the sense that he calmed me down, he really didn’t. Easy in the sense that talking to him never felt forced. There was no awkward pause where I had to figure out the correct version of myself to present. With most people, conversations felt like trying to walk across ice without slipping, but with Zeke it felt more like falling and somehow trusting that I wouldn’t hit the ground. 

“You got plans tonight?” Zeke asked suddenly. 

“No.” I answered honestly without thinking.

“Cool. You should come over.” 

I stared at him. “You invite people to your apartment this casually?” 

“Only biology majors with unresolved emotional issues.” 

“That’s weirdly specific.” 

“You fit the criteria.” 

I shook my head, trying unsuccessfully to hide another smile. “And what exactly would we even do?” 

Zeke shrugged lazily. “Hang out. I got movies. Video games. Chemically questionable substances.” 

“Jesus Christ.” 

“What? I’m a businessman.”

I laughed again, but the thought lingered. Going over to Zeke’s apartment. Being alone with him. 

“You live off campus?” 

“Yeah. Tiny apartment like ten minutes away.” He tilted his head slightly. “Roommate moved out last month though, so now I just haunt the place alone like a divorced dad.” 

“That sounds depressing.” 

“It is. You should fix that by hanging out with me.” 

It felt way too easy to say yes. 

He held my gaze for a second longer than necessary, still smiling a little.

“I can’t tonight.” 

Zeke’s expression didn’t fully fall, but it shifted just enough that guilt poked at me immediately. “Damn. Rejected.” 

“It’s not– I actually have a stupid amount of work to do.” 

“It’s literally the first day.”

“Yeah, but my full year courses.. And I still have another class today.”

“You saying I’m less important than homework?” 

“Yes.” 

“That’s fucked up, Connor.” 

“You asked.” 

Zeke leaned back in his chair dramatically like he’d been wounded. “I finally reconnect with my favorite traumatized biology major nerd and he chooses assignments over me.” 

“I’m not your favorite biology major.” 

“You’re my only biology major.” 

I rolled my eyes, but my chest still felt warm in an embarrassing way. “It’s just.. Second semester started and all my professors suddenly decided we deserve suffering, I guess.” 

“Academia’s evil.” Zeke nodded solemnly. “That’s why I barely participate.” 

“Says the Chemistry major.” 

“I do it rebelliously.” 

“That doesn’t mean anything.” 

“It means everything.” 

I laughed again.

“Another day then?” 

“Yeah.” I said before I could overthink it. “Another day would be good.” 

Something in his expression eased immediately, and for some reason that affected me more than it should have. 

“Cool.” He nudged his sneaker lightly against mine again under the table. “You can come experience my deeply concerning apartment later this week.” 

“I’m a little worried about the phrase deeply concerning.” 

“You should be.” 

“You literally described yourself as haunting it.” 

“That was vulnerability, Connor. Don’t punish me for opening up emotionally.” 

“You compared yourself to a divorced dad.” 

“Which is brave.”

I shook my head, smiling helplessly. I could already feel myself relaxing around him in a way I hadn’t let myself relax around anyone in a long time.

I stood up before I could think too hard about it. “I should probably go before I fail out of school.” 

I grabbed my bag from the floor, trying not to notice how close he was when he stood too. 

The coffee shop noise blurred together into this dull hum around the edges of my brain. 

Then Zeke reached out absentmindedly and fixed the strap of my bag where it had twisted over my shoulder. The gesture was so casual it caught me completely off guard. 

“You do this thing.” He said quietly. 

“What thing?” 

“You look at me like you’re waiting for me to disappear.” 

I froze a little. Zeke’s fingers brushed briefly against my shoulder before he dropped his hand again like he hadn’t even noticed doing it. 

“I’m not gonna disappear this time, Case.” 

The words hit me so hard it almost made me angry because I immediately wanted to believe him. 

I swallowed once. “Okay.” 

Zeke studied my face for another second before his grin returned. “Go do your disgusting biology homework.” 

“It’s not disgusting.” 

“It’s wet science.” 

“That’s still not a real thing.” 

“It is to me.” 

I laughed and started backing toward the door. “I’ll see you around, Tyler.” 

“You definitely will.” 

The way he said it sent warmth creeping up the back of my neck all over again. I turned before he could see my expression too clearly and pushed out into the cold afternoon air. 

Again, I did not pay attention to my entire class.

By the time my last class ended, the sky outside had already started turning that washed-out blue-gray color that made the whole campus feel colder than it actually was. 

I was halfway down the library steps when I heard somebody yell. “Casey.”

I looked up to see Stokely sitting on the low brick wall near the bike racks, one boot propped up beside her. 

“You look weird.” She said immediately as I walked over. 

“Hi to you too.” 

“That was my version of hi.” 

I stopped in front of her, shoving my hands deeper into my hoodie pockets against the cold. “What are you doing here?” 

“Waiting for Stan. He should be done with class by now.” She narrowed her eyes slightly at me. “Why do you look like somebody hit you in the head with a brick?” 

“I saw Zeke today.” Stokely blinked once. Then she barked out a laugh so suddenly a couple people walking past turned to look at us. “Oh my god. No wonder you look insane.” 

“I do not look insane.” 

“Oh sure, Case.” 

I leaned against the wall beside her with a groan, dragging a hand over my face. “He goes here.” 

“No fucking way.” 

“Yes fucking way.” 

Stokely stared at me for another second before immediately grinning. “That’s incredible.” 

“How is that incredible?” 

“Because your life was getting boring.” 

“My life was not boring.” 

“Agree to disagree.” 

I ignored her. “Apparently he’s been here since last semester.” 

“And you didn’t know?” She sounded genuinely delighted by this. 

“No.” 

“That’s hilarious.” 

“It’s not hilarious. It’s weird.” 

“Okay, but define weird.” 

I opened my mouth. Then immediately closed it again because I genuinely didn’t know how to explain it. 

Stokely noticed instantly. “Oh, this is bad.” 

“What?” 

“You’re emotionally compromised.” 

“I’m not emotionally compromised.” 

“So. Tell me everything.” 

And I did. The hallway. The coffee shop. Zeke flirting with literally every living organism in a ten mile radius. Him majoring in chemistry for reasons that still didn’t make sense to me. Stokely listened with the kind of intense focus she usually reserved for conspiracy theories and horror movies. 

“He said biology is wet science.” I finished weakly. 

“Wow. He’s exactly the same.” 

“That’s what I said.” 

“No.” She shook her head immediately. “That’s worse somehow. That means he’s choosing to be like that on purpose now.” 

I laughed despite myself. 

Stokely tilted her head at me then, studying my face too carefully. “You like him.” 

My entire body immediately short-circuited. “What?” 

“You like him.” 

“No I don’t.” 

“Case, c’mon.” She deadpanned. “You survived an alien invasion together. You looked at him in high school like a frightened woodland animal trying not to get too close to a forest fire.” 

“That is not true.” 

“It super was.” 

“I was scared of him.” 

“You were fascinated by him.” 

I felt heat creep into my face instantly. “Can you not say things like that?” 

“You do like him.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“You’re blushing so hard right now.” 

“It’s cold outside.” 

Stokely laughed. “Did he flirt with you?” 

“He flirts with everybody.” 

“That is not what I asked.” 

I stayed silent for about two seconds too long. 

Stokely made a thrilled noise. “He did?” 

“It wasn’t serious. He’s just like that.”

 “Okay, but was he specifically like that with you?” 

I thought about the way Zeke had looked at me across the coffee table. The way he’d nudged his shoe against mine like he already knew it would wreck my nervous system. The way he’d said I’m not gonna disappear this time. My stomach flipped over again just thinking about it. 

I sighed heavily. “He asked me to come over tonight.” 

“And?” 

“And I said no.” 

Stokely blinked. “Casey...” 

“I have homework.” 

“You absolute coward.” 

“I do have homework.” 

“You could’ve kissed him!” 

“I was not going over there to kiss him!” 

Stokely stared at me. Then she slowly smiled. “Oh, you’ve thought about it.” 

I made a strangled noise of actual distress. “You’re evil.”

She hopped down from the wall finally. 

“I said another day would be good.” 

“There we go.” Stokely said triumphantly. “Character development.” 

I shook my head, but I couldn’t stop smiling a little either. 

The library doors opened behind us then and Stan came stumbling out looking exhausted. “That was the most boring class ever. I am not looking forward to the rest of this semester.” He announced immediately. 

Stan spotted me and frowned slightly. “Why does Connor look like he just got proposed to?” 

Stokely lost her mind laughing before I could stop her.

–

Friday came faster than it should have. Not because the week itself moved quickly, but because I spent most of it accidentally thinking about Zeke. Which was a problem. I hated that. 

Every time my phone buzzed, part of me stupidly wondered if it was him even though we hadn’t exchanged numbers. And every time I walked through the science building, I caught myself looking down hallways before I could stop it. I felt embarrassed every time I did that because I felt so stupid.

By Friday afternoon, campus was packed with restless energy people get before the weekend. Everyone moved faster and was louder. Groups clustered outside buildings smoking cigarettes and making plans. 

I was leaving the biology lab with my backpack hanging off one shoulder and my brain half-dead from three straight hours of microscope work when somebody grabbed the back of my hoodie lightly and tugged me backwards. 

“What the fuck–” 

Zeke laughed behind me as he spun me around. There he was standing way too close already, black hoodie pushed up to his elbows, messenger bag slung across his chest. 

“Relax.” He grinned. “You scare easy.” 

“You can’t just sneak up on people.” 

“Pretty sure I just did.” 

I hate how immediate my reaction to seeing him had become. My entire body recognized him before my brain could catch up. 

Zeke looked me over slowly, eyes dragging across my face in a way that made heat immediately start creeping into my neck. 

“Man.” He said. “I’ve been thinking about you all week.” 

My brain stalled. I wondered if somehow our minds were connected or something somehow because how did he know that was exactly how I felt. I couldn’t even tell if he was just making fun of me or saying whatever came to his mind. I couldn’t tell if it was genuine either.. Whether or not he had actually been thinking about me all week like I had with him.

“I know.” He sighed dramatically. “Really romantic. Terrible for my image.” 

“You’re insane.” 

“Probably.” He was still looking at me. “You disappeared after the other day.”

“I haven’t seen you around either.”

“You’ve been looking for me?”

“No. I’ve just been busy.” 

“Mhm.” Zeke stepped closer without even seeming to notice he was doing it. “You busy tonight too?” 

I swallowed once. “Uh..” 

“Connor.” He said my name like a warning and a joke at the same time. “Don’t break my heart like that twice in one week.” 

“I have work to do.” 

“You have all weekend to do it.” He tilted his head slightly. “C’mon. Hang out with me.” 

There was something unfair about the way he said things like he knew I was going to say yes. Like the possibility of me wanting him back wasn’t even a question to him anymore. Which was dangerous considering I was already standing there trying not to stare at his mouth. 

“You really don’t give up, huh?” I muttered. 

“Nope.” Zeke grinned immediately like he enjoyed every second of this. Then, he reached over and brushed something off the shoulder of my jacket. His fingers lingered for half a second too long afterward. My entire nervous system noticed. Zeke definitely noticed me noticing too because his expression shifted into something smug and delighted. 

“Your face is all red.” 

I grunted in response.

Students kept moving around us across the quad, but it barely registered anymore. It felt weirdly isolated standing there with him. 

Zeke leaned slightly closer. “You should come over.” 

My pulse jumped. His apartment. Alone. With Zeke. My brain immediately supplied several horrifying possibilities all at once. 

Zeke watched my expression change in real time and looked genuinely thrilled by it. “You’re thinking so hard right now.” 

“I’m not.” 

His eyes flicked down my face again. “Cute.” 

“You’re committed to making this unbearable for me.” 

“I’m committed to a lot of things.” 

“That sounded threatening.” 

“It was supposed to sound horny actually.” 

I nearly choked on air. Zeke burst out laughing immediately, reaching out instinctively to steady me by grabbing my arm. 

“There it is. That’s the reaction I wanted.” 

“You’re the worst person alive.” 

“And yet.. you’re still coming over..?” 

I knew that Zeke Tyler alone in an apartment with me sounded less like a good decision and more like the beginning of a cautionary tale. 

“...Okay.” 

His whole face lit up. “Seriously?” 

“Yeah.” I said before I could lose my nerve. “I mean– if you want.” 

“God, Connor. I have wanted you since approximately five seconds after seeing you again.” 

“You can’t just say shit like that.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because normal people don’t talk like that.” 

“I’m not normal people.” 

“Ugh, I know.” 

He grinned wider anyway. Then he slung an arm loosely around my shoulders like it was the most natural thing in the world and started steering me across campus. The contact hit me like an electrical current. Zeke either didn’t notice or pretended not to. 

“You hungry?” He asked casually. 

“I guess?” 

“Cool. I have frozen pizza and absolutely no adult supervision.” 

“That’s your selling point?” 

“It usually works.” His hand slid briefly against the back of my neck when he adjusted his arm around me and I almost stumbled over my own feet. 

Zeke looked down at me immediately. “Oh, you are down catastrophically bad, huh?” 

“I hate you.” 

He squeezed the back of my neck lightly once before letting go. “You definitely don’t.”

We got to his apartment and it looked exactly like the kind of place I would expect Zeke to live in. The hallway light flickered and somebody was blasting music three floors up. The stairwell smelled vaguely like cigarettes and burnt microwave popcorn. 

“Home sweet home.” Zeke announced dramatically as we climbed the stairs. 

“You live like this on purpose?” 

“Builds character.” 

By the second floor, he was already digging through his pockets for keys while still talking to me over his shoulder. 

“You nervous?” 

“No.” 

“You answered too fast.” 

“I’m not nervous.” 

“I can literally hear your heart beating out of your chest” 

I rolled my eyes, but my stomach was twisting itself into knots anyway. 

Then Zeke shoved open the apartment door. 

It wasn’t nearly as horrifying as I expected. It was small and kind of messy. He had a couch that looked like it had survived a war. Chemistry textbooks scattered across the coffee table beside loose papers. But it felt lived in. 

Zeke tossed his keys onto the counter. “Welcome to my habitat.” 

“You weren’t kidding about the divorced dad energy.” 

“Thank you. I’ve cultivated it carefully.” 

I stepped farther inside slowly, taking everything in. There were pictures on the wall, they weren’t framed properly or anything. Just polaroids taped up beside the kitchen doorway. Mostly random blurry shots of people at parties. And one picture from high school that I took. 

Zeke straightened up holding a frozen pizza triumphantly above his head. “Dinner.” 

“You eat like a fourteen year old.” 

“And yet I’m thriving.” 

“You literally look sleep deprived.” 

“That’s just the chemistry major aesthetic.” 

I laughed quietly and set my bag down near the couch. 

Zeke shoved the pizza into the oven before wandering back over toward me. He stopped way too close. “You look kinda pretty when you’re trying to figure me out.” 

“That’s evil.” 

His eyes flicked over my face slowly again. “You like it.” 

I looked away first. Zeke made a quiet pleased sound under his breath like he’d won something. 

“You wanna watch a movie or something?” He put his hand on my waist. 

“Depends.” 

“On?” 

“If it’s terrible.” 

“Oh, it’ll absolutely be terrible.” 

“Then okay.” He smiled as he grabbed my hand to lead me toward the couch.

I felt all goosebumps shiver throughout my body.

“You’re so sensitive.” He noticed.

He dropped onto the couch. I stayed standing for another second trying to regain control of my nervous system. 

Zeke patted the seat beside him. “C’mere.” 

“You say that like you’re calling a dog.” 

“You’d be a nervous little rescue dog, yeah.” 

I sat down anyway, carefully leaving space between us. 

Zeke looked at the gap dramatically. “Oh, that’s fucked up.” 

“What?” 

“You’re acting like I’m gonna bite you.” 

“You might.” 

“I mean.. not without permission.”

He leaned in towards me, jokingly, with that stupid grin. At least I hoped he was joking because he was laughing at himself, but I guess I couldn’t really tell. 

I shoved his shoulder jokingly, mostly because I didn’t know what else to do with myself anymore. The second my hand touched him both of us paused slightly and I became hyperaware of how warm he was. Zeke looked down at my hand briefly before looking back at me again. 

Then the oven beeped loudly from the kitchen. 

Zeke blinked once and leaned back against the couch with a grin returning immediately. “Saved by the bell.” He stood up from the couch and ruffled my hair. “Relax, Connor.” 

He disappeared into the kitchen before I could answer that. I leaned back against the couch cushions hard enough that my head hit the fabric with a dull thud. Jesus Christ. 

I could hear cabinets opening while Zeke moved around the kitchen humming something tuneless to himself. 

The apartment felt too warm. My skin still buzzed where I’d touched his shoulder. I thought maybe I was having a panic attack because I started to breathe so hard. I dragged both hands down my face. What the fuck was I doing? I knew enough about him to understand that getting close to him usually meant getting burned somehow. He flirted because he thought it was funny. He pushed people because he liked reactions. 

“You alive over there?” Zeke called from the kitchen. 

“Unfortunately.” 

“Good.” I could hear the grin in his voice. “Thought I overwhelmed you to death.” 

A minute later he came back balancing two plates of pizza and two beers.

He offered me a beer and even though I didn’t really drink, I took it anyway without saying anything.

He dropped back onto the couch beside me again, closer this time, but not fully touching.

The movie started playing, some terrible horror movie with awful practical effects and dialogue that sounded like it had been written by somebody concussed. 

Fifteen minutes in, Zeke was already talking over it. “Oh, this guy’s dead for sure.” 

“He literally just appeared.” 

“Exactly. Disposable.” 

I laughed quietly. 

Zeke pointed at the screen. “See? This is why horror movies work. Nobody communicates.” 

“You would die immediately in a horror movie.” 

His head snapped toward me. “Excuse you? I already survived one.” 

“By the skin of your teeth. You were concussed after being thrown across the locker room.” 

Zeke gasped softly like I’d wounded him. “Wow. You come into my home and disrespect me like this.” 

I smiled and out of the corner of my eye, I saw him notice. 

“You smile so much more now. You used to look so horribly miserable all the time in high school.. ” He said finally. 

The comment caught me off guard. “High school wasn’t exactly a great time for me.” 

“Yeah.” His voice softened slightly. “I know.” 

I looked down at my hands. The movie kept playing in the background. Zeke leaned back against the couch cushions beside me. 

“I always thought you hated me.” 

My head turned toward him immediately. “What?” 

“I’m serious.” He glanced over at me. “You looked at me like I was gonna stab you half the time.” 

“You sold drugs and carried a switchblade.” 

“It was a utility knife. Sometimes boxes need opening.” His grin flashed as he saw me smile again. “But seriously. I thought you thought I was an asshole.” 

“You were kind of an asshole.” 

“Fair.” 

There was a beat of silence. 

“I didn’t hate you though.” I admitted. 

On the television, dramatic orchestral music swelled while somebody got chased through a basement. Neither of us looked at it anymore. 

“You know..” Zeke said slowly. “You saying things like that is actually way more dangerous for me than flirting.” 

Heat immediately rushed into my face. Zeke shifted slightly closer without seeming to realize he was doing it or maybe he did realize and he was really just trying to make me nervous. It was impossible to tell. And it did make me a little nervous, but it also felt safe.

“I guess you seriously never noticed?” He asked quietly. 

“Noticed what?” 

He laughed softly under his breath, almost disbelieving. “In high school I flirted with everybody, yeah.” His eyes flicked down to my mouth for half a second before returning to my eyes again. “But not like this.” 

“Oh.” Was all I managed. 

“Yeah. Oh.” 

Neither of us moved. I became hyperaware of everything all at once. The movie playing too loudly. The smell of burnt pizza. Zeke’s knee brushing mine now because at some point we’d shifted closer together without me noticing. 

Zeke looked at me for another long second before smiling slightly. “You know you can tell me to back off, right? ..If this is too much.” He shrugged one shoulder casually, but I could tell it wasn’t actually casual. “I know I come on kinda strong.” 

I stared at him. Underneath all the flirting and jokes and smug comments, I could see it: nervousness. Zeke Tyler was nervous because of me. That realization hit me so hard I almost forgot how to breathe for a second. 

“I don’t want you to back off.” I admitted. 

Zeke went very still like he was trying not to scare me off. “Okay.” He said quietly before he leaned a little closer. His hand moved slowly against the couch cushion between us, like he was giving me enough time to stop him, but I didn’t. His fingers slid carefully against mine.

The movie kept playing in the background, somebody screaming dramatically while a monster crashed through a wall, but it felt impossibly far away. All I could focus on was the warmth of Zeke's hand in mine. 

His eyes stayed on my face. My heart was beating so hard it actually hurt. His thumb brushed lightly against the side of my hand and neither of us looked away. 

Zeke's gaze dropped briefly to my mouth. Then he looked back up. 

"Can I kiss you?" He asked. Just like that. No joke. No teasing. For all his flirting and confidence and relentless bullshit, he was still asking. Giving me the choice. 

I stared at him. 

"Connor..?" 

"Yeah." I said immediately. "Please." 

Something in Zeke's face completely melted. "Jesus Christ." He muttered. 

And then he leaned in. And he was gentle. 

Zeke made a quiet sound against my mouth, one hand coming up to cup the side of my face. I could feel him smiling as I kissed him back. 

The kiss deepened slightly. I could feel the roughness of his fingertips against my face. 

For once, I felt like I wasn't overthinking anything. I wasn't worrying about tomorrow or school or nightmares or whether I was doing something wrong. It was just this. 

His hand made its way down my face and shifted towards the back of my neck, his fingers threading through my hair. The movement was so unexpectedly tender that it almost undid me. Zeke shifted, turning more fully toward me on the couch. The movement brought his knee between mine, closing what little space remained. My pulse jumped. 

"Still okay?" He asked quietly as he pulled back. 

"Yeah." 

"Good." 

Then he kissed me again. 

I grabbed the front of his hoodie without meaning to. Zeke made a pleased sound that immediately went straight to my head.

Every time we pulled apart it seemed to last only a second before one of us leaned back in. I lost track of who started what. 

At some point Zeke laughed softly against my mouth. "You have absolutely no idea what you're doing to me." 

I tried to look away from him immediately. "Oh god." 

He gently hooked a finger beneath my chin and coaxed me into looking up again. Zeke was smiling so hard it was ridiculous. 

I wanted to argue. Instead I kissed him again. 

When we finally broke apart, both of us were smiling. 

The movie was still playing. Neither of us had watched a second of it in at least twenty minutes. On screen, somebody appeared to be fighting a mutant clown with a shovel. 

Zeke glanced over. "What the hell is happening?" 

"I have no idea." 

"We should probably pay attention." 

"Probably." 

Neither of us looked away from each other. 

Then Zeke leaned in again. "I think we're finally understanding the plot." 

The thought barely had time to form before Zeke's hand slid into my hair again and pulled my face towards his. 

The kiss was slow, like neither of us wanted to rush through it. At some point I ended up closer without consciously deciding to move. Zeke’s arm slipped around my waist and he moved me over on the couch so I was laying down and so the remaining space between us disappeared completely. 

The movement sent a wave of nervous heat through my entire body. I grabbed the front of his hoodie again and pulled him closer toward me. I could feel the steady rise and fall of his breathing as he sat on top of me, still kissing me, his tongue sliding over my teeth.

Zeke’s hands eventually made their way under my hoodie, sliding around on my bare skin. His hands landed on my chest. 

I pulled my hoodie up and over my head because it was getting in the way and he helped me. He took off his as well and had this tight long sleeve underneath that made him look sculpted.

And without any warning, he shoved his leg between mine again so he was essentially laying on top of me. He pushed his hips against mine and I could feel everything that was going on in his pants. 

That fucked me up. 

We stayed there like that for a while. I felt like I was melting into him. 

The making out eventually became a bit more aggressive and as we continued grinding against each other. 

He brushed his knuckles over the bulge in my jeans that I hadn’t even noticed happening because I was too caught up on the way he felt on my leg. He kept grinding himself into me, I could feel him digging into my leg and stomach. 

He pulled back from me just for a second and I could feel his hot breath on my face. The string of saliva from his mouth to mine made every nerve in my body tense for just a second. Then a whimper came out of me. That was embarrassing. 

Zeke pulled one of my hands towards his crotch. He unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants as I tried to slide my fingers underneath them, touching his lower stomach. As soon as he freed himself I slid my hand underneath his pants immediately, into his underwear to touch him.

God, he was so warm. He felt like he was on fire underneath the touch of my fingers. He grunted and kissed my neck as I touched him.

He unzipped my jeans and dealt with me at the same time. Touching me, while also guiding my hand against him. It felt like my whole body was throbbing because I wanted him so bad. I thought maybe he could feel my heartbeat in his hand. My hips jerked up as he touched me as he gripped me harder.

He took his hand off mine touching him and used it to push himself up so he was straddling me again. His shirt stayed lifted up like that above his chest without me trying to keep it there. He was perfect.

My other hand made its way up his torso, up his waist and my hand lingered on his stomach, touching his abs, before I went to touch his chest. 

He pulled himself all the way out of his pants and spat on his hand before he rubbed his member against mine. I could feel all of him against mine as he pushed and squeezed them together. 

He leaned down and kissed me very sloppily. He pulled back for just a second and I breathed hard, trying to catch my breath before two of his fingers made their way into my mouth. He used my saliva to touch me smoothly again.

Zeke let out a whimpered groan and smiled as he continued to kiss me. Which made me shudder and made me let out a stupid weak little whimper of my own.

I gripped his chest and crotch harder as I felt something start to come out of me. I knew he felt it too because I felt him smile as our teeth clacked together.

I released because I couldn’t hold it back anymore as much as I tried to and gripped him hard.

He guided my hand quickly against him for a few more seconds and released immediately after me, like he was waiting for me to be done. 

I could feel him spurt out all over my hand and make a mess on my stomach. And mine got all over my stomach too.

He pulled back and took his hands off of both of us. So, I took my hand off of his even though I wasn’t quite sure what to do with the mess on my hand still. 

As he sat on top of me and looked down, he put one hand on the mess on my stomach and ran his cleaner hand through my hair. 

I tried to wipe my hand off on my side so I could rest my hands on his waist. My shirt was pulled all the way up over my stomach and chest, so nothing had gotten on it. My hands made their way down and slid up his thighs as I locked my gaze with his. 

“You’re really pretty, y’know?” He broke the silence.

I didn’t know what to say back to that. Maybe thanks would’ve been okay or if I had said something nice back to him in return. Instead, I propped myself up so I could get closer to his face again.

He kissed me a couple more times. It was less his tongue sliding down my throat this time and more like kisses of affection on my lips and neck.

He put himself back into his boxers and got off of me after a few minutes. I put myself back in my jeans too and sat back up.

Zeke shifted slightly beside me, settling more comfortably against the couch next to me. 

"You okay?" He asked out of genuine concern. 

I looked over at him. "Yeah."

Zeke studied my face for another second like he was making absolutely sure. Then the tension left his shoulders and he smiled at me softly. 

Then he adjusted and tugged at the collar of his long sleeve shirt a bit. "Jesus Christ." 

"What?" 

"I'm dying." 

I frowned. "What are you talking about?" 

"I'm so warm." Before I could answer, he stood up as he grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled it over his head as he walked to his room. 

I watched him the whole time. All I could think about was how he was so gorgeous.

He came back after a second as he put a t-shirt back on. And I know he saw me staring because of the grin that spread across his face again, but I didn’t care. 

"Maybe we should clean up a bit." He suggested as he stood in front of me.

I laced our fingers together and he pulled me up off the couch and dragged me along with him to the bathroom. 

He washed his hands and I washed mine. He grabbed a cloth and wet it with warm water and lifted my shirt up so he could wipe my stomach off.

I saw myself in the mirror and the marks he had left all over my neck. That was going to be fun to explain to Stokely.

“Sorry about all that.” Zeke saw me looking at my neck, but kissed it again.

We left the bathroom and made our way back to the couch.

The movie ended sometime when we weren’t watching. Not that we had really watched any of it other than the first like twenty minutes.

We sat on the couch and started talking about school and professors and campus. Then, about how Zeke somehow managed to nearly set off a fire alarm during his first chemistry lab last semester. 

"To be fair, it wasn't technically my fault." 

"That's exactly what somebody at fault would say." 

"It was faulty equipment!" 

"You exploded something." 

"A little." 

"A little?" 

"There was smoke.. So only a little." 

I laughed and Zeke looked pleased with himself. 

The conversation drifted from there. High school. People we hadn't thought about in years. Stan and Stokely. Teachers. Random memories that felt strange now, viewed from a distance. 

Outside the apartment windows, the darkness had deepened. 

I glanced toward the microwave clock. I realized we had been talking for hours. 

I immediately sat up. "Oh shit." 

Zeke looked over. "What?" 

"It's almost twelve." 

His eyebrows shot up. "Seriously?" 

"Seriously." I stood up automatically. "I should probably head back." The words felt wrong as soon as they left my mouth. 

Zeke's expression changed. "Oh." 

I hesitated. 

"You don't have to." 

"What?" 

"You don't have to leave." 

I blinked. 

"I mean... It's late. You can stay if you want." 

The way he said it wasn't about convenience, it wasn't about saving me the walk, he just didn't want me to go. 

"You want me to stay?" 

Zeke looked at me like I'd asked the dumbest question imaginable. "Connor." 

"I just didn't know if I was allowed to." 

For a second he simply stared at me. "You thought I wanted you to leave?" 

"I don't know." 

"Never." 

I couldn't stop smiling. Neither could he. 

"So..." Zeke said, looking back up. "Stay?" 

The answer came so quickly I didn't even think about it. "Okay." 

The relief on his face was immediate like he'd been bracing himself for me to say no or like he would have to convince me to say yes. 

"Okay?" He repeated. 

"Yeah." 

His grin returned slowly. "Cool." 

"Cool." 

Neither of us moved. 

Then Zeke patted the couch. "You can have the couch." 

"How generous." 

"I know." 

"I was being sarcastic." 

"So was I." 

For a moment neither of us moved. The apartment had settled into that strange late-night quiet where everything felt softer around the edges. Even the traffic outside seemed farther away. 

Then Zeke stood up and stretched. "Alright." He pointed at me. "House rules." 

"You have house rules?" 

"No." 

"Then why did you say it like that?" 

"Because it sounded authoritative." 

I laughed. 

Zeke smiled immediately at the sound. "Rule number one: If you stay over, you have to acknowledge that I am the funniest person you've ever met." 

"I don’t know about that." 

"Hmm.. okay.. Rule number two then: No judging my blanket situation."

"What blanket situation?" 

"You'll see." 

He grabbed my hand and pulled me off the couch again, dragging me to his room. Maybe that should have worried me. Unfortunately, I was getting used to Zeke enough that it mostly just made me curious. 

We stood in his doorway for a second.

“What?”

“I have one.” He pointed to his bed. “That one.”

“Just one?”

“Yeah.”

 "Really?" 

“Yeah..” He grinned and somehow ended up behind me and kissed the back of my neck. “I guess we’ll have to share.”

I grabbed his face and kissed him before abandoning him to sit on his bed. Of course he followed me there. He flopped down onto his bed and laid down so dramatically.

Somewhere along the way, the conversation started again. 

Outside, headlights swept briefly across the ceiling before disappearing again. 

I think he noticed that I had goosebumps running down my arms because he got up suddenly when the conversation had a second to pause. He quickly went and grabbed my hoodie off the floor of his living room and turned off the lights in his room when he came back. Then he put my hoodie on me, like I couldn't do it myself.

“Lift.” He gestured to my arms.

I did what he said. And once he got my hoodie back on me he guided me down into the pillows. 

He grabbed his blanket and put us underneath it. He kissed me again for a bit before he lied half on top of me, holding my waist with his head on my chest. 

So I ran my fingers through his hair a couple times. Maybe more than a couple times, I don't think I could stop myself from combing my fingers through it. His hair was a lot softer than it looked.

We lied there for a long time without saying anything. I could feel the pressure of his body on top of me as our breathing synced together.

Eventually his voice broke the silence. "I'm really glad I ran into you." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." His fingers tightened slightly against my side. "I thought I missed my chance." 

I blinked. "With what?" 

He looked up at me. "With you, dumbass." 

Heat immediately rushed into my face. Even in the dark he noticed. He kissed my chest through my hoodie. 

"Seriously though." His voice was quieter now. "I'm glad you're here." 

“I'm glad I'm here too." 

Zeke looked at me and smiled.

I leaned down and kissed him. 

When we pulled apart, neither of us moved very far. He put his head back down on my chest. 

A few minutes later I felt his breathing begin to slow. His head stayed tucked beneath my chin. One arm wrapped around my waist. 

For the first time in a long time, I slept without nightmares. 

–

Nearly two weeks later the coffee shop was as crowded as ever, like always. 

I waited in line after I ordered my coffee.

“God, Casey, is he sucking you dry?”

I turned around to see Stokely standing there with Stan. I felt a bit embarrassed because she had said it so loud and I knew other people in the cafe had heard her and then probably looked directly at me.

“Hi.” I said.

Stokely narrowed her eyes. "You have hickeys." 

"Jesus Christ, Stokes." Stan said.

"What?" she asked innocently. "I'm just making observations." 

"You literally greeted me with that." 

"Because it was the first thing I noticed." 

"It was not." 

"It absolutely was." 

I groaned and covered my face. 

The barista called my order and I went and sat down at a table as I waited for Stokely and Stan to order.

Then the bell over the door jingled and I looked up automatically. 

Zeke walked in and immediately smiled when he spotted me. The stupid thing was that I smiled right back. 

"Oh my God." Stokely said as she walked over to the table. 

"What now?" 

She pointed between us. "That." 

"What?" 

"That." 

"You're being incredibly specific." 

"You both look ridiculous." 

Zeke reached our table just in time to hear that. "Good morning to you too." 

"You two are disgusting." She said.

"Aw." Zeke sat down beside me and bumped his shoulder into mine. 

Honestly, the last two weeks had been... weird, but the good kind of weird. The kind of weird where I'd gotten used to texting somebody every day. The kind of weird where Zeke somehow kept appearing outside my classes. The kind of weird where he'd started stealing half my fries whenever we ate together. The kind of weird where I no longer thought twice when he grabbed my hand. The kind of weird where it felt like we had been together for months and where time moved slower, but faster at the same time.

His fingers immediately found mine beneath the table like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like his fingers were made to interlock with mine.

Stokely made a strangled noise. "I still can't believe you guys." 

Zeke looked offended. "Why?" 

"You spent years acting like opposite ends of the human experience." 

Stan nodded. "She's kind of right." 

"Thank you." 

Zeke pointed at both of them. "Okay, first of all, rude. But you guys were exactly the same. Opposite ends." 

Stokely and Stan sat across from us at the table and gave each other a kiss.

For a little while we just sat there talking. It felt strange how easy it was.

At some point I laughed at something Zeke said and  he smiled back at me. Not the grin he used when he was being obnoxious. Not the smirk he used when he thought he was funny. Just a genuine smile. 

Across the table, Stokely immediately pointed at him. "That." 

"What?" I asked. 

"The way he looks at you." 

I felt my stomach drop. "Stokely–" 

"No, I'm serious." She leaned back in her chair and gestured vaguely between us. "It's ridiculous. The man looks at you like you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to him." 

Stan immediately started laughing into his coffee. 

I buried my face in my hands. 

"He’s obsessed with you." 

When I looked up, Zeke wasn't even embarrassed. If anything, he looked amused. "She's not wrong." 

The table went quiet. 

"That's your defense?" 

"I wasn't defending myself." 

I looked over at him and his expression softened when he met my eyes.

A second later he reached over, grabbed my coffee, took a sip, and handed it back. 

I stared at him. "You just drank my coffee." 

"Our coffee." 

"No." 

"What's mine is yours." 

"That's not how that works." 

"Sure it is." 

I looked at Stan and mouthed the words: "Help me." 

Stan held up both hands. "You're on your own, man." 

For a while after that the conversation drifted aimlessly from one topic to another, the way conversations always seemed to when nobody was in a hurry to leave. We talked about classes mostly. Zeke told a story about almost getting banned from a chemistry lab, which somehow turned into Stan telling an even worse story from freshman year. Stokely mocked all three of us equally. 

Sitting there, listening to them, I found myself looking around the table. At Stan. At Stokely. At Zeke. A couple of years ago none of this would have seemed possible. 

The sunlight coming through the front windows painted pale gold across the table. 

Zeke's shoulder rested against mine where our chairs touched. At some point during the conversation, his hand found my knee beneath the table and stayed there. Zeke squeezed my knee beneath the table. 

The coffee got cold. 

For a while I just listened to everyone talking. Listened to Stan arguing with Zeke. Listened to Stokely interrupting both of them. Listened to the familiar sound of people I cared about filling the space around me.