Chapter Text
It had been hours since Alex left the bar. It had been hours since Alex kissed Maggie.
For a long time, Maggie just stared at the door. Maybe if she stayed still long enough, Alex would come back. The other patrons more or less ignored her. One of the bartenders asked if she was okay, if she wanted a drink. Maggie just told her, “No.”
She wasn’t really sure which question she was answering.
Time seemed to crawl by, yet her mind was racing. She didn’t know what to do. Should call Alex? Go after her? Drink until she couldn’t remember the year? All of the above?
“Hey, Mags, you wanna play a few rounds?” One of the regulars asked, pointing to the pool table with a webbed hand. What was his name again? Yuw? Quons?
“Yeah. Sure.” Her mouth was on autopilot. Her mind replaying the kiss.
God, Alex was so soft.
~~
Finally, Alex had convinced Kara to leave. Alex didn’t know how long she cried in her younger sister’s arms, but when she finally stopped she didn’t feel any better. But she didn’t feel any worse either. To be honest, she didn’t really feel anything.
All she felt was numb.
“You sure you don’t want me to stay?” Kara asked for the thousandth time. She was planted at the door, not quite ready to leave.
With a nod, Alex said, “I’m sure. You have work in the morning and so do I.” Alex’s throat was tight from so much crying.
“You sure you don’t want to call in sick? You’ve been through a lot tonight and I know J’onn will understand you not coming in tomorrow.” Kara said, all in one, worried breath.
“I’m fine.” Alex put on her bravest smile and Kara could tell it was fake by the way it stopped just before it reached her eyes.
Though, Alex had been through enough tonight, Kara wasn’t going to pressure her anymore. “Okay, get some sleep. I love you.”
“I love you too, sis.” Alex said. They hugged one last time and then Alex shut the door.
~~
It was late. Or it was early. Depending on your point of view.
The sky was dark as Maggie stared up at it, drunkenly stumbling through the streets. An empty bottle of vodka from the liquor store two blocks from her apartment somehow managed to cling to her intoxicated fingers.
All Maggie could think about was how the stars were nothing compared to Alex’s eyes.
~~
Mon-el went missing.
Immediately, Alex knew it was Cadmus. Even without any concrete proof, she just had this gut feeling that told her Cadmus was responsible.
Of course, Alex would never admit it, but she was glad for the distraction. All she could dream about last night was the taste of Maggie’s lips, the softness of her skin.
~~
With a pounding headache, Maggie stared at her phone. For the first time in three years, she called in sick to work. It wasn’t because of the alcohol or a hangover or any other physical illness. (Honestly she has had way worse).
It was because for the first time in a long time, she felt heartbroken. Not because her girlfriend just dumped her (really, could you even call someone you dated for like two minutes your girlfriend?) But because of Alex.
No.
Because of the way she reacted to Alex. And of the way Alex reacted to her.
Maggie didn’t know what she was expecting from Alex when she told her she just wanted to be friends. The woman didn’t seem like the violent type- not with the people she loved cared about. Or the type to yell and scream. Those were the types Maggie was used too.
Alex was different.
(Of course Alex was different.)
Alex just swallowed all her pain with a smile and left. Maggie noticed how as she turned her shoulders trembled and her hand moved up to wipe the tears from her face.
The woman who braved an extraterrestrial fight club without hesitation. The woman whose job was to be in danger. The woman who was tougher than nails.
That woman, just left. Left without a word. Without a scream or a yell. Without a fight.
It amazed Maggie how strong Alex was yet how gentle she could be.
Crunch.
Maggie didn’t even notice that she got up until her fist thrusted through the drywall. Blood pricked up from her knuckles, which were also covered in the white, crumbly powder of the drywall. She ignored the blood as she grabbed her phone and opened it up to Alex’s contact.
I’m sorry about last night. Delete.
How are you doing? Delete.
Feeling defeated and lost, Maggie chucked her phone against the wall and went to go take a shower.
The hot water scalded her skin but she didn’t care.
~~
'Now that ur gay we need to get you more flannels.'
It was stupid. Maggie knew the minute that she sent it. But she didn't care. That much, anyway.
Still, she didn’t want to risk losing her only friend in National City. Especially not after the other night. She couldn’t bear to lose Alex like that. (Or at all.)
Maggie would be lying if she said she didn’t check her phone every five minutes. She tried to distract herself with the mountain of papers on her desk.
~~
Whatever rom com was on had become background noise at this point. Alex’s phone buzzed with a text from Maggie.
Now that ur gay we need to get you more flannels.
It looked like a drunk text, or at least a hungover text. Still, Alex smiled despite it all. It meant Maggie still cared. And honestly? Alex still cared, too. Probably way more than she should.
Kara noticed, but pretended to focus on the TV. She insisted on coming over for movies and junk food- since they, quote ‘Needed some sister time’. Even though Alex hated rom coms, she loved Kara’s company. And she knew Kara was worried about Mon-el. They both needed a distraction.
“Who’s texting you. Cuz J’onn sure as heck can’t make you smile like that.” Kara teased, finally deciding she sucked at pretending and wanted to know what was going on.
Alex shook her head. Her smile had faded and was replaced with a slight frown. How was she supposed to react to a text like that?
So she didn’t. She turned off her phone and placed it on the coffee table. “Oh, it's no one.”
Kara could tell it was Maggie by the expression on Alex’s face.
~~
What the hell was I thinking sending that dumb ass text?
This thought repeated itself over and over again as Maggie pounded the hanging punching bag in her apartment. Over seven hours passed since she sent the text and Alex has read it, but not responded. The cuts on her knuckles from punching the drywall had popped open and were bleeding through the bandages but she didn’t really care.
Is she still mad? Will we be able to get through this?
Sweat dripped down her face and her muscles ached. Alex was her only real friend in National City. Hell, Alex was her first real friend in a long time. And that’s why Maggie was so terrified to lose her. Alex understood Maggie and Maggie understood Alex.
And not just being obsessed with work or being unphased by aliens or enjoying a good fight.
But on some deeper level. Something that went beyond jobs and aliens and fighting. Something that Maggie couldn’t quite explain. Being the Detective she was, not being able to figure it out frustrated her to no end.
She punched the bag some more.
'Come hell or high water, I’m not gonna let her slip away. Not easily, anyway.'
~~
It was easy to not think about Maggie or the kiss or anything at all. The only thing Alex had to do was work and work and work.
With Mon-el missing every waking moment was spent looking for him. She didn’t sleep much anyways. Kara was angry and sad and hurt and ten other emotions. Dealing with Kara also helped Alex to distract herself from Maggie.
‘We need to watch the l word. Ur not a real gay unless you watch the l word’. Maggie’s text read.
A knot formed in Alex’s gut. The kind that comes when you see someone for the first time after a long vacation. She missed Maggie.
She really did.
~~
It had been days since Maggie saw Alex. Maggie had spent every night she could at the bar. Mostly she would sip absentmindedly at a bottle of beer in the corner of the bar and watch the door.
Three days after their kiss a familiar face walked into the bar. It wasn’t Alex, but it was her boss. Maggie didn’t know wether to be worried or relieved, since Alex has told her only a handful of stories of how J’onn was protective of Alex.
Without a word, he sat down next to her, ordered some drink Maggie couldn’t pronounce, and sipped at it. The look in his eyes told Maggie he was going to say something eventually- he was just searching for the right words.
So Maggie just waited.
“Detective Sawyer.” He said finally. Maggie was about ready to say something snarky about how he contemplated for all that time only to say her name and title. But he continued, taking her silence as an invitation.
“Agent Danvers speaks highly of you. In all the years I have know her, I have never heard her speak so highly of someone she has just recently met.”
Maggie’s stomach twisted into knots and filled with butterflies at the same time.
“Really?” That’s all she could manage to get out of her mouth.
J’onn nodded. “I am not quite sure what is going on between you two, but whatever it is, I can tell you make Alex happy.” He paused for a moment. There was a soft expression on his face. “So, please. Do not let it just slip by.”
Unsure of what to say, Maggie took a long swig of her beer, biding her time. “Is that why you came all the way from the HQ of yours? To talk to me.”
The man gave her an unreadable smile and took a swig of his own drink. “Maybe.”
With that he got up and left.
~~
'Your boss is kinda like a weird puppy'
J’onn told Alex that he went to the bar. Alex understood the subtext behind his words. He went to talk to Maggie.
She chugged down some water, exhausted from her workout and stared at the text. It had been three days, three texts, and she still hadn’t responded. Even though she missed Maggie like hell and all she wanted to do was talk to her. (Even if it would be as just friends.)
Sitting down on the bench of the DEO gym she drank more water and stared at the wall. What Maggie had said, after the kiss, there was truth there.
(Honestly, there was truth to everything Maggie had said about Alex.)
But especially the thing about Alex being fresh out of the closet at maybe rushing into a relationship was not a good thing. Not to mention Maggie had just gotten out of a relationship. They both needed to work on themselves for a while. As much as that hurt.
“You- uh- you okay?" Winn asked.
Alex almost jumped.
“I- I’m sorry if I’m bothering you, it’s just that you were staring at the wall for a long time and I dunno I jus-”
“I’m fine, Winn.” She picked up her back and stood up, legs wobbly from her workout. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
~~
Kara’s apartment always felt so much more comforting that Alex’s own. It was just so much more...homey. Only recently Alex realized that it was Kara herself that made it so homey, so comforting.
The two were scarfing down donuts and drinking coffee. Neither of them had really eaten much or slept a lot in these past several days. Searching for Mon-el took up most of their time. Still, they somehow managed to bond over food like they always did. Alex was happy to know that somethings never really change.
Even when everything else does.
“So,” Kara said, swallowing a last bit of donut and stretching her arms out in front of her like a cat, “How are things on the Maggie front?” Kara asked carefully.
Alex’s face tightened and her eyes grew big. “I- I’m not sure.”
“Crap, Alex, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up anything I just thought that it’s been a few days so maybe things had gotten better.”Kara said in a rush of fumbling words.
“It’s fine. I- well, she’s been texting me. But I haven’t texted her back at all. I don’t know… I just… I guess I need some more space. Some time to think,” Alex answered, staring into her cup of coffee.
Kara’s eyebrows quirked up in interest. “Really? What has she been texting you?”
“Random things, for the most part.” Alex shrugged.
“What kind of random things?”
“I don’t know. They sound drunk texts. One of them was ‘now that you’re gay we need to get you more flannels’ or something like that. Maggie has her own sense of humour.” Alex explained.
“At least she’s reaching out? I mean, I know she doesn’t like you in the way you want her too, but she’s trying to be friends.”
“Yeah.” Alex said, almost wistfully.
Then Alex’s phone beeped. For a split second, she thought it was Maggie. Instead it was J’onn. There was a lead on Mon-el; so therefore on Cadmus. Some shell corporation's building about a hundred miles north.
~~
Long story short that lead lead to another lead which lead to another lead which finally led to Mon-el. It took another week of searching to find him, but they finally did.
And, of course, throughout that week, Maggie texted Alex every single day. Alex was away from her phone- and National City- for that entire week, so she didn’t get to read any of the messages.
The most recent one said ‘u know Agent Danvers, ignoring me is homophobic’.
That text put a huge smile on Alex’s face for some reason. It made her chuckle to herself (maybe that was part sleep deprivation, too). Alex’s fingers hovered over the keypad, unsure if she should even respond.
Screw it.
It had been almost two weeks.
Yeah, maybe Alex was still hurting from the fact that Maggie just wanted to be friends. Yeah, maybe things would be awkward between them because of the kiss. And yeah, maybe they won’t work out as friends. But Alex needed to try. Maggie was so smart and talented and understanding and good. Alex owed it to herself to try.
‘How can i be homophobic? I have a gay friend.’
~~
Maggie didn’t expect Alex to respond like that. She expected ‘why the hell are you texting me all this weird shit?’ or ‘go away’ or something else like that.
But Alex was different.
(Of course Alex was different.)
Maggie smiled. ‘Wanna kick my butt at pool tonight?’
The response was almost instant.
‘Of course.’
Maggie’s smile grew bigger. Whatever happens between them, they’re going to be okay. Maggie can feel that. She hoped Alex feels that too.