Chapter Text
Joshua had felt it in his heart, the blood in his veins boiling into a crimson fire and deafening all else, before his attendant confirmed it: a woman knocking politely on his door with a soft, “The sworn shield has returned from the Northern Territories, Your Grace. He is at the gates with his men.”
It mattered not that the moon was at its peak nor that Joshua had been lying awake for countless hours already, fingers clutching desperately onto the golden locket resting atop his sternum. He’d spent every night since Clive’s departure holding it tightly, praying through it like a channel that the will of the Phoenix might protect his brother despite their distance. He’d gazed upon Metia for months on end, giving gratitude for his brother’s innate strength and second blessing of a surprising—albeit welcome—Eikon.
He knew that Clive would be alright. His brother had promised it to him, and Clive stayed true to whatever promise bore from his lips. He’d never broken them before, and he wouldn’t start now, lest he incur the wrath of a mournful and heartbroken Phoenix. Ifrit would surely be just as upset with his Dominant should Joshua, and his flames, weep for their loss.
“When did he arrive?” Joshua asked, though he already knew the answer. Phoenix had stirred deeply in his mind the moment Ifrit was within its limits of its territory—Rosaria, their homeland. He arose, merely throwing on a blood-red shawl and slipping into worn, leathered boots as his courier stuttered at his prompt swiftness.
“Minutes ago. I only caught sight of the army outside the walls before I came to alert you, as instructed. The Archduke is still asleep.” She watched intently as the youngest Rosfield barely glanced at his own reflection, her hands tightening as the collar of a white, almost sheer nightgown slipped past a slender shoulder. “Do you intend to meet him?”
“Of course.” Joshua smiled then, the ever-present tension of concern and despair fading into an eager expression. He strode to the woman, hands gentle around hers as he cradled them with the utmost care. “Thank you, Jote. I am not sure what I would do without your guidance.”
“Something tells me you were already aware,” she replied softly, lips curling upward. “And had I not come at this very moment, you would have already been in his arms.”
“He is my brother, after all.” Joshua glanced down, the dim candlelight of his chambers illuminating those sun-kissed freckles. The fire did little to hide the pink blossoming over his high cheekbones. “I fear I am all too aware of his existence. Every step, every breath, every second we are apart from each other, I must count until we are reunited. It… hurts to be away like this.”
Jote softened. It was no surprise how deep the bond between the Rosfield brothers ran, but even despite seeing their renowned intimacy, there were aspects that no one could ever truly understand; her, and the entirety of the realm, were all outsiders to the familial bonds tying the brothers together. It was apparent in every glance that the brothers graced one another with, in every stolen whisper and lingering touch. “It is a blessed thing, Your Grace, to have such a wonderful gift as that.”
“He is the greatest gift given to me, indeed.” Joshua seemed to melt further at the prospect of seeing his brother before inhaling sharply as his chin raised once more. “Is our mother aware of his return?”
“No,” Jote shakes her head minutely, voice low. “She resides with the Archduke, as usual. I cannot imagine she would care to rouse even if she was made aware.”
The Duchess was all too happy to ignore their eldest child, though her attitude toward him had lightened upon his awakening. It had been too late, however, even at the young age of thirteen. Her opinions of Clive, steadfast and stubborn as they were, had been unrelenting.
Awakening as the second Dominant of Fire hadn’t been enough to completely erase Anabella’s poor judgement of him, much to Elwin’s disbelief. Their father attempted to close the gap between his wife and his eldest son, but his efforts were in vain. Their mother had chosen to favor their youngest child who had awakened with the Phoenix upon birth, a beacon of fiery light encompassing the room in which she’d given labor in, his flames healing her tired body. It did not help that Joshua had grown into their mother’s delicate features, an almost identical likeness to Anabella’s beauty.
“Good.” Joshua nodded determinedly.
“You wanted to be the first to welcome him.” Jote said, but it was not a question. She recognized the intent behind shimmering teal eyes.
“Am I so obvious?” He laughed, but it was gentle and self-conscious. “I do not want to monopolize his time, not even from our own family, but I cannot help it. I want to be the first he sees upon his return. The first that he embraces…” Joshua quieted, turning to face the four-post bed that seemed so large and empty without its missing piece. “Is that wrong of me?”
“The entire realm of Valisthea sees your love for one another, Your Grace. The heavens, as well. It is but common knowledge that the Dominants of Fire are bound together by fate. That the sworn shield of the Phoenix belongs in both body and heart to you. He has only recited it a thousand times over for all ears to hear.”
Joshua flushed red, from the bridge of his nose and the tips of his ears down to his nape. He could feel its intensity, and he attempted to bury the immediate need to preen at the words—at the fact that the entire realm knows and recognizes Clive's undying and unwavering loyalty. And it was true that Clive had pledged himself over and over, countless times that Joshua could recite the man’s words in his sleep, which he often did.
He could imagine Clive, kneeling before him, an armored hand over his chest while he bowed with the deepest, gentlest respect unlike any other shield had done before their time.
I belong to you, Joshua. My heart, my body, my mind, and my soul. It is yours, since the day I was born and forevermore. I swear fealty to you, and only you. Wherever you go, I shall follow. You need only ask, and I will provide.
He could feel the ghost of Clive’s mouth upon the back of his hand, black steel holding his bare palm with the greatest care, chapped lips brushing against him with whispered words that not even Joshua himself could hear. It had been ticklish, the first time Clive had ever kissed his hand. Joshua could hardly stop his skin from breaking into gooseflesh at the warm breath of his brother upon his body, spine taut with chills. The sight of such devotion had left Joshua’s heart pounding so violently that he had half the mind to collapse in front of Clive and bring him into his arms, to kiss those olive-tinted cheeks and press the man’s head into his chest.
To caress him and cradle him like a lover would.
But he hadn’t, because they were not alone. Their mother and father had been watching beside him, Elwin with a prideful smile and Anabella with a thinly-veiled mask of displeasure at Clive holding her beloved child’s hand. The sight of her discontent only spurred Joshua on to tighten his grip on Clive’s, pleased when the man inhaled sharply and dared a glance upward. Joshua had smiled at stunned eyes, flushing with immense joy at the undivided attention. He had truly preened then, feathers ruffling and cheeks blossoming.
“Beautiful.” Clive had mouthed wordlessly.
The memory left Joshua biting back a whimper.
Jote seemed to have noticed, so the woman urged him through the doors of his chambers. “Go to him, Your Grace. If you long to see him this much, to the point of tears, then I can only imagine the state of your sworn shield. He must be tormented. He would not want you to linger on this sadness.”
Without needing to be told twice, Joshua thanks Jote once more before fleeing the warmth of his room, feet light as he maneuvered his way through the expansive and confusing halls of Rosalith Castle. Growing up within them granted Joshua an adept sense of place, and he did not hesitate to fly down the endless stairs in the east wing to where the quickest route would be. He and Clive had run through these halls together every day, hand in hand, giggling without a care in the world for their future responsibilities. But Clive had still held himself to the role he’d sought after his whole life, ensuring that Joshua did not trip or take a stumble, and if the boy did, then Clive would be grasping at him before Joshua could ever make impact with the ground.
Perhaps that is why Joshua so confidently ran straight toward the familiar, broad back of his older brother who was too busy conversing with his men underneath the starlit sky to notice his fast approach. He shouted with a strained voice, “Clive!”
Immediately, the man turned with wide, unbelieving eyes, large enough to put a newborn pup to shame. The name that left him was breathless and winded, tired from a long journey across Storm, but underneath the exhaustion was reverence. “Joshua.”
It had been months since Joshua laid witness to those dark, sapphire-blue irises, and the light of them underneath the vibrant moon and burning Metia star mended the gaping wound inside his chest. With it, came a startled gasp as his heel dug too fast into the wet mud, freshly ground from the passing rainstorm only days past. The newly molded terrain from the soldier’s horses did not aid in his run, and so Joshua slipped like an uncoordinated child, lungs empty from his chase to not even grant him a breathless gasp.
He hardly blinked as Clive crossed the vast distance between them in a flash, embers glowing at the ends of his hair and the tattered ends of his cape as he caught onto thin arms, almost bruising Joshua as he hoisted him back onto his feet without struggle. Joshua beamed at the sensation of his brother touching him, and he leaned into the desperate hold.
“Careful, Joshua.” Clive chastised him softly. It was quiet enough for the lingering, curious soldiers around them to not overhear. The tension in his thick, dark furrowed brows eased instantly, bleeding into a gentle sigh. “Wouldn’t want to dirty that pretty face of yours, now would we?”
“I missed you,” Joshua whispered in response, hardly able to register the hushed words. He grasped at black armor, clinging to it like a lifeline. “I feared you might disappear if I didn’t see you at once. That you might not come to me upon your return—that you’d sleep elsewhere for my own sake. I wanted… to see you home.”
Clive’s lips tightened into a broken smile. The rugged man that he had become over the years devolved instantly, leaving behind a fragile boy who wanted nothing more than to keep his brother safe. His hands lifted from Joshua’s arms to cradle soft, freckled cheeks. “I am home. Now that you’re here to welcome me.”
Choking on a pitiful cry, Joshua surged forward. He embraced his elder brother tightly, elbows hooking around a sturdy neck. He basked in the cold steel that snaked around his waist and pulled him in. The Phoenix chirped happily within him, feathers rousing in delight at Ifrit’s tight hold. “Did you miss me, brother?” Joshua couldn’t help but ask, a part of him remaining the spoiled, pampered heir of Rosaria. “Did you miss me as I did you? That you, too, suffered from sleepless nights? That you might have clung to my gift and looked upon Metia as I did?”
The reaction it elicited pleased Joshua to no end, strong arms tightening around his midriff so much that only the end of the world might have separated them. Fingers threaded through his golden hair. An unkempt beard tickled his neck as Clive buried himself into the crook of it.
“I could not eat without you.” Joshua admitted breathlessly, baring himself to his brother so that the man may find comfort in his saccharine scent.
“Do not say that.” Clive murmured into his skin. “It will anger Ifrit—and myself—beyond our means.” The man gripped at a slender waist with insightful intention, grumbling as he felt sharp hipbones protruding unusually far the further his hands explored. “I should have taken you with me. I’d have kept you fed and healthy. I’d have kept you safe. Apparently that is a tall enough order for those within our walls.” His voice is akin to a growl, unhappy with the discovery that his brother had been neglected.
“It is not their fault,” Joshua answered swiftly and mercifully. “I refused their meals and ignored their chiding. I am the only one to blame.” His attendants had been dutifully serving him. One meal every three hours, as directed by the Duchess. He could only stomach two spoonfuls of whatever stew the kitchens had made that day in hopes he’d eat more before setting it aside.
“You’re never to blame.” Clive pulled back, gaze steady. “I’m sorry for leaving for so long. I should have been back sooner, but the Northern Territories are awash with dangerous creatures, as are the swamps near Eastpool. My men can only tolerate so much.”
“My Ifrit,” Joshua exhaled with pride, “leading the charge into the fray. It matters not—I’m glad that you’ve returned to us, to me. I can rest now, knowing that you are alive and well. That’s all that matters to me.” He rested his forehead against Clive’s, lashes fluttering with a sleepiness that hadn’t been there before. “You are well?”
“Nothing that a medicinal salve cannot mend.”
Joshua pouted, fingers curling into a fist atop Clive’s sinfully tight leather suit. “I will heal it then.”
“No, Joshua.” Clive’s voice was firm and clear, former exhaustion dissipating. It left no room for argument—if it were anyone other than his own baby brother. “You will not use your powers for such minor inconveniences. That is what our healers are for. So that you will not suffer the consequences of using your flames.”
“I will heal it, brother.” Joshua retorted, glaring intensely. “We will bathe together, as we always do, and I will make sure to heal every cut, bruise, and tear that has found itself on your body since the last time I saw you.”
“Joshua.”
“I have waited moons until your return, Clive. Allow me this, please—I cannot bear to see you in pain, no matter how small the wound.”
The man was clearly torn, huffing with frustration before relenting at the tears forming in cerulean eyes. “Fine. But this time only. I will not see you suffer just to ease my injuries. I made a vow to you and I intend to keep it. Your tongue is that of a minx, isn’t it, brother? Much too persuasive for your own good.”
Smiling impishly, Joshua nuzzled against him. “I will do anything to keep you by my side.”
Clive’s gaze flickered downward, seemingly aware of their state of dress, or lack of it. He frowned at the reflection of light on a pale shoulder, his brother’s porcelain skin glowing beautifully under the night sky, and he would have liked to enjoy it for longer if not for the prying eyes of his fellow soldiers invading on their privacy—in hopes that they might catch a glimpse of the Phoenix’s bare flesh, delicate and precious as they, and the rest of the bloody realm, claim Joshua to be.
And their claims would be correct, but they were claims only Clive had the privilege of confirming.
Joshua was preoccupied basking in Clive’s presence to notice, but he did make a questioning hum as steeled fingers raised his crimson scarf to his neck, wrapping it around him loosely enough to hide what others might deem inappropriate for a man of his royal position.
“You did not bother to properly dress yourself before running here, did you?” Clive asked fruitlessly, itching to simply wrap the younger man into a sack and hoist him over the shoulder to where their chambers await them. The glimpse of a golden locket hidden underneath white silk eased the annoyance, however, and he slipped a finger underneath Joshua’s collar to peel it from his chest.
“I held it every night. It was the only thing that could help me sleep.” Joshua fidgeted at Clive’s intense scrutiny of the pendant. “I might have stared at your portrait for hours on end rather than finishing any of the books in my shelves. I hope that… you might have also found comfort in my gift.” Embarrassment did not come easily to Joshua, but the admission of being so taken with his brother’s image felt harrowingly vulnerable. He would be loath to admit that he may or may not have spoken to Clive’s portrait as if he were actually there listening to him. Though, it was all sweet promises and praises.
“Of course I did.” Clive replied quickly and easily. He flicked the locket open, finding a drawn piece of himself on his twentieth name day. He had been younger then, but it was still him regardless, perched upon his brother’s heart like a claim to it. It shouldn’t have satisfied him, or Ifrit, to acknowledge that inherent symbolism, but the Eikon grumbled happily. “I always do. It is what keeps me going. I’ve never taken it off.”
Smiling in relief, Joshua grasped onto Clive’s hand, encouraging the man to touch and hold as he saw fit. “I am not as young as I was when I sat for mine,” he murmured shyly. “I am sure that seeing me after so long is quite startling when all you’ve had is something from five years past.”
“Don’t say such nonsense,” Clive smiled softly, the faint creases at the corners of his lips lifting. A covered thumb stroked at the pink budding across freckled cheeks. “You grow more beautiful with each passing day, Joshua. I find myself breathless every time I am reminded of your maturity. You are such a far cry from the little babe you’d been decades ago with those round cheeks and stout legs. As adorable as it was to have you following after me,” Clive exhaled heavily, “I am honored to watch you blossom into the man you are today. Your elegance is unrivaled.”
Joshua opened his mouth, but no words came out. Only a choked, wobbly sound that bordered on a sob, and it only grew as Clive wrapped thick fingers around his wrist, raising his palm to kiss it with unequivocal reverence. Biting his lip violently at the heated affection, Joshua blinked feverishly. “Clive—!” He could hardly say anything else, overcome with emotion at his brother’s praise. It was nothing like their mother’s compliments; always passively aggressive with an unrelenting expectation for perfection, of which Joshua could never meet no matter how hard he tried. What Clive had just given him… well, it quite literally melted him. “You need not lie like that to ease my worries.”
“Ridiculous.” Clive huffed against pale skin, smirking at Joshua’s faint voice. “Ridiculous that you would ever think I could lie about anything that comes to you.”
Fisting the white material of his nightgown into a tight ball, Joshua watched raptly as his older brother lingered with another slow kiss, chapped lips sticking to his flesh as Clive peeled back with a heavy gaze. Heart pounding as their eyes met, Joshua finally gained the courage to say something in return, tongue lifting with a sigh before echoing footsteps narrowly ran into them.
“Your Grace!” A light voice with a thick accent greeted him, a hand clapping against Clive’s shoulder as Wade rounded upon them with Biast and Tiamat at his back.
Joshua grinned as Clive dramatically rolled his eyes at the intrusion, the man finally relenting his hold and granting his little brother autonomy once more. “Wade,” he nodded happily in acknowledgement, hands folding themselves in front of him politely, just as their mother had taught him. “It’s a pleasure to see you, as well as your companions. I must say, I am immensely grateful for you all.” He bowed deeply, much deeper than what was expected or allowed, ignoring the way Clive immediately moved to his side and attempted to straighten him with a firm hand on his spine. No doubt there was some fear in his movements, that Anabella might hear of this and take her anger out on the both of them. Joshua waved his concern off—Anabella could yell at him all she wanted and it wouldn’t change a thing.
“Joshua, there is no need for that.” Clive huffed under his breath, low enough for his soldiers to miss. “Mother will—“
Wrapping himself around Clive’s arm, Joshua smiled sweetly as the man quieted almost instantaneously, firm tone dissolving into a low whine. “I want to express my gratitude to you all.” He laid his fingers flat against his brother’s armor, holding his forearm delicately. “Traveling to the north is no easy feat, and Clive informed me of all the monstrosities you had the unfortunate chance of coming across. Thank you for bringing my brother back to me. That is the only request I’ve ever had from you all, and I hope that you will continue to protect him no matter what Clive may say otherwise.”
Wade laughed raucously at the last line, giving Clive another harsh slap on the shoulder before providing Joshua a quicker, serious look. “Anything to make you happy, Your Grace. I know Clive was aching to get back to you just the same.”
“Clive had plenty of close calls. If it weren’t for us, he’d surely be begging us to never let you catch wind that a morbol nearly took his arm off.” Biast chimed in, amusement bleeding onto his usually stoic expression. “And he’s been fighting off those beasts since he was a lad.”
He tightened his grip on Clive, fingernails digging into black steel, his smile tensing for a second before easing naturally.
“But Clive is a tough one!” Wade nodded exuberantly. “All he ever moaned and cried about was getting back to his sweet, innocent little brother. Couldn’t have put it past him to charge head-on into whatever ugly fiend decided to get in the way of him reuniting with you.”
“Wade, please.” Clive muttered lowly, finger up to his nose as he awkwardly averted his gaze this way and that, seeming oddly distracted by the blades of grass growing between the clumps of brown mud. He hadn’t tried to pull away from Joshua’s grasp, though. If anything, he seemed to lean into it. “You needn’t tell every detail of our excursion.”
“Lest Rosaria’s sworn shield have his deepest, darkest secrets revealed to the world.” Biast chuckled, eyebrows raised. “Ought to tell your precious jewel that you’ve been mumbling his name in your sleep for the last two moons. Ah, but he needn’t know that.” The cockiness that emitted from the man was surely retribution for one matter or another, but Joshua could not care any less if it meant having the knowledge that his dearly beloved missed him just as much.
Joshua turned to Clive, eyes wide with fascination.
“Thank you, Biast,” Clive exhaled, pointedly ignoring the sparkling irises searching for his, “for providing that helpful, absolutely necessary information. I will be sure to repay that favor.”
“I only meant to assuage any concerns or questions the Phoenix may have been ruminating on since our departure. Surely, you would not want your dearest to be lying awake at night, in fear that their beloved might have strayed. That their family remained theirs.”
Eye twitching aggressively, Clive snaked a firm hand around a slim waist, hastily pulling Joshua away from their company with a gruff, “We have business to attend to.” The younger of the two could hardly put up a fight, briefly glancing behind his shoulder to where the others remained, shouting another gracious remark before Clive hid him away entirely behind broad shoulders. They disappeared into the castle, their focus all too easily forgotten on anything but one another.
“You shouldn’t listen to their dramatics,” Clive exasperatedly uttered in his ear.
“Am I truly precious to you?” Joshua exclaimed, entirely distracted with his older brother to pay heed to the path in front of them. He allowed Clive to guide him, feet stumbling over each other as he refused to look away from dark stubble. He searched across Clive’s face for confirmation. The hand on his waist tightened before moving to his stomach, their movements pausing.
Standing still in the dimly-lit hallway of the east wing, Joshua allowed Clive to cradle him. It tickled the way Clive’s fingers stretched across the expanse of his lower belly, thoughtfully lingering on the flat planes of his navel.
“Did you dream of me?” He asked again. As Clive stared down at him, he self-consciously pulled his bottom lip into his mouth to nervously gnaw on it. “I wouldn’t presume such things. Not unless you told me yourself. I expected it, of course, that… you all would have found comfort where possible—you are men, after all—but,” he paused, insecurity rearing itself high, “I suppose Biast was not incorrect in his observations.”
“Shh,” Clive consoled him swiftly, gently enclosing him against the wall with his overbearing presence, silent and strong. “I am yours and only yours, Joshua. When I tell you to ignore their words, then I expect you to listen, brother.”
Joshua could not help the warmth that pooled inside his stomach at the chiding command. It was not often that Clive ordered him around, unless it was the usual routine of telling Joshua to be careful and to not run around needlessly lest he trip over his garments and tunics, but when it did happen under any other circumstance, Joshua’s inherent reaction was to go numb. “I am sorry,” he whispered, body hot and clammy under his sibling. “I did not mean to imply anything of the sort. I know you are mine, but I…”
“Hush now, my dearest,” Clive leaned in, placing one agonizingly slow and patient kiss to the apple of Joshua’s cheek. He holds himself there, breathing in the familiarity of cardamom and cinnamon. Joshua clung to him. “Do not linger on what holds no importance to me. The only thing that matters to me—the only thing that has ever mattered—is having you in my grasp. Just like this.”
“That’s not an answer,” Joshua responded, but he had no idea what he was searching for. Whether it was confirmation that Clive had indeed found himself in the arms of someone not within their family, or if Clive had spent every night dreaming of him, he did not know. He wanted to know everything when it came to Clive, and he knew that the man would answer his questions, but only if he asked clearly.
He wasn’t being fair, they both knew it, but Joshua did not elaborate.
“I slept in your room.” He said instead. He could linger on Clive’s nights another time, but not now, not when they have finally become one again. “I dreamt that you would walk into your chambers and find me there, wrapped in everything that belongs to you. That you’d climb into bed with me after shedding all this armor of yours, that you’d hold me to your chest and stay with me. That I’d smell of nothing but you for days.”
Clive emitted a strangled sound.
Joshua giggled childishly, worries forgotten. “Perhaps we dreamt of the same things then. A shared memory, I wonder?”
“Metia would be so kind.” Clive thoughtfully hummed, seemingly considering the possibility of it. “I never wanted to wake from it. If only so that I could feel it in this reality—the true weight of your body against me.”
“Then we shouldn’t delay any longer, hm? Your eyes are so heavy I fear you’ll fall asleep right here, and we still need to clean you up.”
“Then let us go.”
Joshua led the way with a chiming laugh, lacing their fingers together and with a quickened pace that had Clive stumbling behind him.
“You don’t reckon that the Phoenix would be upset over Clive’s relations, do you?” Wade inquired as they watched the pair stroll away, practically glued at the hips. “Surely they’d have a jest over it, no? They are brothers.”
Biast raised a brow curiously as Tiamat snorted. “Why else do you think the Phoenix would come running out here in the middle of the night?”
“The rumors haven’t caught wind of your sharp ears, Wade? Tyler should know enough to inform you.”
“What rumors?” The brunette man raised his hands in surrender, unknowingly out of the knowledge for once in his career. “It couldn’t be something bad, could it?”
Tiamat shrugged as he turned on his heel, making his way toward the stables. “Only if you consider what the royal bloodlines have been doing for generations as inherently immoral. Keeping their family pure. Ensuring that the Eikons remain within their legacy.”
“Huh.”
Biast snorted. “I’d bet a hefty price on that.”
“Well, I suppose Clive has always cared for the Phoenix. Although, that goes without saying. Can’t say he’s ever been normal about it, even as a teen. They are… family, after all.” There’s a questioning, uncertain lilt to the sentence, something that begs for either man to fill in the missing gaps.
“I doubt the sworn shield of Rosaria would want his little brother ever knowing the kinds of whores he fucks.” Tiamat looked sharply at Biast, squinting. Likely from their earlier conversation.
Biast scratched at his head, taking the fall with dignity. “I didn’t say a word. The Phoenix can infer what he will.”
Wade thoughtfully reminisced on their last visit to Northreach. It had been almost a year ago, but he recalled the almost reluctant way Clive had succumbed to his own needs after refusing to partake in their grandeur. But when he had, it had been with a slender, androgynous woman wearing a crimson dress.
And in Eastpool’s tavern, days before they’d arrived here, Clive had only been swayed after some persuasion from a soft-spoken and honey-haired man. One who had been just lithe enough for Clive to easily manhandle should he so desire, only an inch or two shorter than him, and with sun-kissed freckles that were only visible under the tavern’s candlelight.
He’d then thought of all the times he’d stumbled into the man’s tent, finding Clive wistfully staring at the locket hanging around his neck. How Clive would only ever discuss things in relation to Joshua—of how Joshua despised carrots as they rode past miles upon miles of farm fields, of how Joshua once fell face-first into a lake just like the one they’d stopped at for a midday break, or of how Joshua would have loved that historical journal of Sanbrequois ancient customs and cultures they’d seen in a local library. Clive would say it all with the softest expression anyone had ever seen before, looking decades younger, as if his little brother was the very essence of his life.
Wade wondered how he’d never given it much thought until now.
He wondered how many times he’d thought Clive was uttering his brother’s name in his sleep when the man was likely moaning it with a hand fisted around his—
Well.
“Surely there’s a betting pool.” Wade suggested.
“There is.” Tiamat nodded. “And there are a lot of players. You ought to sit with one of The Undying. Their stories are unlike anything else.”
The steam of the bath did little to quench the former heat of Clive’s influence over him, but Joshua allowed the man to think it was merely the hot water that was undoing him.
“Let them cool it a bit.” Clive suggested, already turning to shout for an attendant behind the closed door, but Joshua twisted his head back around. “You’re flushed, Joshua. Every inch of you is red. I cannot have you fainting in the water.”
Joshua shook his head, cheek pressing into Clive’s shoulder where he lay comfortably. He was curled into the man’s side, palm resting over a firm chest, hand faintly glowing as he dragged it over a tiny scratch that ran across the man’s pectoral muscle. The wound mended itself, shutting closed and disappearing from tan skin. “I will not fall unconscious from bathing, Clive.” He chuckled lightly, diverting his hand to another injury that sat high on a taut abdomen. Joshua took his time exploring his brother’s body, mapping out each dip and curve that seemed more prominent since the last they’d sat like this. It was only a testament to his brother’s determination and strength. “I am not that weak. Besides, if I did, then it is a good thing you are right here to carry me out.”
“I just worry about you,” Clive answered. “I cannot help it, you know that. All I ever think about is you; you are a plague of the mind. I can never seem to escape your reckless tendencies.”
Joshua nuzzled into a damp shoulder, exhaustion creeping its tendrils over the prior restlessness of his limbs. “I am simply reminding my brother where his priorities lie.”
They had spent the better part of an hour sitting together while Joshua scanned his brother for any small scratches or bruises that called for his healing flames. Joshua had never minded their nudity as he tended to his brother—this was yet another quiet reprieve for them to be away from the prying eyes of the court and of their parents. It was here that Joshua could cling to his sibling and treat him with the utmost care that others did not. He ran his hands over Clive’s muscular body, lathering it with the floral soaps that Clive preferred, finger pads digging into tense knots to relieve the tension. The silent groans that Clive released were music to his ears.
Only Joshua could do this—to wash away the sweat from his brother’s body like a dutiful partner, to worship his flesh and cleanse it from the day’s miseries. It was a holy act that Joshua would always willingly commit to. If only to remind Clive that he deserved to be treated like this.
As Joshua gazed up at a sharp jawline that could have only been sculpted by the gods themselves, he wondered if Clive truly understood the depth of his love. His fingertips lifted from the clear water, tracing along Clive’s features. He cupped the scar that Clive had earned years ago on a night gone wrong, pulling the man’s gaze toward himself. “You’re gorgeous,” Joshua murmured.
Clive snorted incredulously, a large palm dragging from a slender waist to the back of Joshua’s thin nape, squeezing at it. “You are the one who takes after our mother.”
“So?” Joshua fought back, pouting at Clive’s disregard. With renewed vigor, he raised himself up and slid a leg over the man’s hip, thighs spreading apart to straddle him. Hands grasped at his hips, sliding up his spine and holding him steady. Joshua stared down at Clive’s pinched expression before settling himself down.
“What are you doing?” Clive strained to ask.
“I may take after our mother, yes, but you are just like father.” Joshua reiterated, hugging his brother close enough that their bare chests met. There was not an inch of them that was not in contact. He tapped their noses together cutely, not minding the brush of Clive’s sex against his own. “You have his attractive ruggedness, his charming demeanor. You have his thick, dark hair that shines like onyx. His gorgeous, blue eyes that could make any maiden buckle under the sight of them. You have his broad shoulders and strong arms—and yet, you are taller than him now. The armor that he passed onto you no longer fit you after a year of wearing it.” Emboldened by his own words, Joshua leant in until their breaths intermingled. He delicately kissed the corner of pink lips, praying that Clive felt his admiration. “You are blindingly handsome, brother. You cannot be so dense as to have never noticed it.”
“What could I have missed, dearest? What could have possibly escaped my peripherals? Enlighten me.”
Joshua brushed back the damp strands of hair that clung to Clive’s face, basking in the warmth of their unity. “How the servants watch you whilst you train, hidden behind the pillars of the castle as they whisper pleasantries. How their cheeks redden as you walk past them, as you offer them a kind smile in acknowledgment for their servitude? You don’t mean to tell me that you’ve never noticed them vying for your affections.”
“Perhaps I never noticed because I have been busy fulfilling my duty as your shield.” Clive held him tightly, mouthing lightly at the pale expanse of prominent collarbones. “I have no room to spare when it comes to you—such a mischievous, conniving thing you are. I cannot afford to let my attention waver lest you get yourself into trouble.”
Purring, Joshua tilted his head to the side, providing the man with more access to continue his licking and nibbling. Clive only became this openly affectionate when it was the two of them, isolated from the rest of the world—as if he was afraid someone might catch them in the act and risk being torn apart from his family. Joshua adored his brother’s clinginess, the way Clive would sink his teeth into his nape as they cuddled or allowed himself to kneel between thin legs and pray to Joshua for his continued blessings, for their family’s safety.
“Nothing else matters.” Clive kissed his way down to the scar sitting on a pale sternum, regarding it with a bittersweet touch. “No one else.”
“I love you, Clive,” Joshua whispered in response, heart pounding against his ribcage at the guttural, desperate tone from the man underneath him. He let Clive bury himself into his chest, to breathe against him like Joshua might slip from his grasp if he dared to lighten his hold. No one could make Joshua feel like this—like he might be strong enough to set the world ablaze. “I love you so much. More than anything.”
“And I you,” Clive said, voice muffled into pink-tinted, feverish skin. “How lucky I was to have been born as your brother, so that I would have purpose in my life—to serve you, to protect you, to hold you. I have selfishly prayed to the Founder that he might keep me tethered to you in any way, that you will always be mine, no matter what. Seeing you now, after months apart… how has no one claimed you as theirs yet?”
Whimpering, Joshua became suddenly aware of their intimate position. Yet, no repulsion came from the realization. There was a part of him, simmering low within his gut, that begged him to make them one; a voice that devilishly told him to spread his legs further so that his brother might be willing to fill him, that Clive would only ever choose to please him in ways that not even Joshua himself could, not even with his own nimble fingers.
There was a lilt to Clive’s question. Something that indicated the question was not hypothetical.
There was a desperation in Clive’s pupils as they bled black across his irises, swallowing the ocean inside of them.
“There have been talks of a unity,” Joshua confessed, unable to keep anything from his brother. He paid no mind to how Clive’s grip tightened into a vice, molding the flesh of his hips and his thighs. “Mother proposed it. But I…” He paused, deflating in Clive’s lap. Gnawing on his lip, Joshua thought back to the sudden engagement that came only weeks prior to Clive’s return.
“But?” Clive echoed, eyebrows furrowing together into a tight, displeased knot.
Joshua shook his head, droplets of water sprinkling from the movement. “It does not matter. Not now. Not tonight, at least. I want to focus on you, Clive, on your return and your health. It changes nothing.”
“You aren’t happy.” Clive, like usual, deciphered his emotions.
“I don’t think anything will make me as happy as I am with you, but I believe Mother has known that for some time now. It upsets her when I speak of you in your absence.” Joshua pursed his lips. “Her annoyance is unjustified. You have done everything for this family—for our realm and our people—and she has the arrogance to insult you, to think you are less than what you are, to think I deserve better when all I have wanted is you.” Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes, and Joshua attempted to wipe them away if not for Clive holding his wrists and doing it for him instead.
“Our mother wants the best for you. As do I.”
“You are the best for me!” Joshua retorted, voice trill. “If you have prayed to the Founder that we remain together then do not act or speak against it—that would be foolish, brother.”
Clive smiled. “I shall obey your orders.”
“Good.” Sniffling lightly, Joshua smiled back, tightening his arms around Clive’s neck. “No more words about family or politics or the like from you then.”
“Hmm, and if I would like to praise you?”
“I shall allow it.” Joshua giggled, flushing as Clive squeezed at his back dimples. The tips of their noses fluttered lightly, and Joshua, drunk on the essence of his brother, dove to meet his brother’s lips with an audible moan. Half-expecting for Clive to push him away, he was taken by surprise as the man reciprocated eagerly, deepening their kiss with an unmistakable, masculine vigor.
It would be their first kiss. At least, their first kiss as adults.
Their time as children was spent learning what affection between siblings was appropriate and what was not—they practiced what a chaste peck might look like for a childhood crush, what holding hands might feel like for an enamored teen.
When Clive had grown large enough that his voice dropped to match Elwin’s, and when Joshua had been blessed with his first bleed under Anabella’s careful watch, they had stopped their fleeting pursuits. It seemed too real now that they had matured; the consequences too dire for being caught.
Yet somehow, between then and now, Joshua was sure they would have always returned to each other. The inherent wrongness of it could not deter them from seeking each other out.
Besides, they had never done anything more than this.
So, it would be alright.
But kissing a burly, unshaven Clive felt like opening a dam; the way it unraveled the threads of his very being until he was nothing more than just a pathetic, yearning flicker of agony.
Joshua was overcome with the same pit of desire as when he first saw Clive entirely nude—his brother’s tan skin glistening under the sunlight, lean muscles straining as he stretched his arms across his chest, handsomely grinning at a shy Joshua who sat curled up on the dry bank. Clive had approached him once his beckoning did nothing to move the boy, lifting Joshua easily over his shoulder and carefully tossing him into the water.
Joshua had been mortified at first, blushing as his tunic stuck to his body in the most revealing way. He hadn’t expected to be a part of this ensemble. Rodney, their Lord Commander, had watched from afar, his own clothes strewn about. The old man, thankfully, did not say a word as Clive eased Joshua out of his dress, cooing at the teen and reassuring him all the meanwhile.
Clive, as playful as ever, had helped assuage him.
In the midst of their fun, if Clive had lightly brushed his fingers under the swell of Joshua’s flat breasts, if Clive had stared too intently at the empty space between milky thighs, and if Joshua had held too tightly to a firm bicep, then only Rodney would know, and Sir Murdoch had never said a thing.
He had kept his distance from them, granting the two siblings some privacy. By the time he crept back, the two were drying on the side of the bank, Joshua with his knees pressed to his chest and Clive leaning back on his hands. Whether the older boy was subconsciously aware of it or not, he could have covered himself for the sake of the delicate Phoenix, but alas, their clothes were still sopping wet.
Joshua remembered that day vividly.
The same butterflies that fluttered inside him then reappeared as Clive licked into his mouth eagerly, groaning low in the back of his throat when Joshua let him in. Their tongues met in a dazed heat, molding together in a way they’d never done before. It left Joshua keening high, lashes fluttering as Clive groped at his sides.
Joshua felt like a starved man—like a new Dominant who had first awoken to their powerful aether, their evolved presence akin to a god. It coursed through his veins like molten lava, boiling his flesh as he devoured his brother, as he allowed his brother to devour him.
“Mmh—!” He whined as Clive tugged on his supple bottom lip, pulling it back before releasing it. He held onto a firm back, eyes fluttering open with hesitance at the expression that might meet him. When he braved himself upon Clive, he was met with another passionate kiss. Weak to it, Joshua opened his mouth once more, anchoring himself as the man forced his way back inside. “Nnh…”
Hands squeezed his nape, tugging Joshua ever closer to the fire raging inside of Clive. “Fuck.”
“Clive,” Joshua whispered wetly as the man granted him a second of reprieve, chest heaving for breath.
“Gods, you taste divine.” Clive spoke against him, teasingly biting at swollen lips, stealing one peck after another. As if he couldn’t get enough of it. “Better than I have ever imagined. So sweet, so pliant for me—and only for me, isn’t that right, Joshua?”
Oh, Joshua thought. The insinuation did not miss him. Clive had thought of this before. He had imagined a scenario in which they would be kissing like this, like lovers would. It should repulse him, to know that his brother has regarded him impurely, but it only stokes the flames within him. To be wanted by a man like Clive… well, that would be Joshua’s greatest achievement. Nodding weakly, Joshua answered to the best of his ability. “Yes… for you, Clive.”
“I never thought you would have met me here. When I say that you mean everything to me, it has been in every way. Our time apart has only made it worse.” There was a needy rawness that Joshua recognized but chose not to speak on, instead listening with rapture. Clive’s expression twisted into something pained then. It tugged at Joshua’s heartstrings. “I am sorry, Joshua. I am sorry for forcing this upon you—I should not have… fuck.” Regret tore through Clive, in how his hands grabbed at Joshua’s arms and attempted to slide him off.
But Joshua stopped it, clung to his brother like a lifeline. He cradled the man’s face, unrelenting. “You do not get to confess this, touch me as you have, and then push me away. Have you no respect for me?”
The regret morphed into shame.
“I am the one who started this, Clive. I couldn’t stop myself. You have no fault here—not with me. You have nothing to apologize for.” Joshua consoled as best he could, hoping that the sincerity will chisel at Clive’s defenses. “I will admit that I haven’t imagined us like this before, but… I have found myself watching you closer than I ought to. Less innocently than a sibling should.” Cheeks flaming, Joshua bared his soul. “I’ve always admired you, Clive. Your strength, your tenacity, your courage. You are so brave. If only I had a tenth of that conviction.”
“You—“
“I was so sheltered, and I still am. You have so much experience that I cannot hope to live up to, but I want to be everything for you, Clive.” He arched into the patiently waiting man, mouth parting with a hopeful, shaky inhale. Knowing now what he does, Joshua could not turn his back on his wanting brother. He would sooner spear himself on Invictus than allow Clive to suffer from heartbreak. Raising Clive’s hand, he rested it flat against his scar. “But perhaps I can try to be brave now, as you have your whole life. Share with me that courage, and I can meet you halfway like this, no matter what.”
“But is it what you want, Joshua? The last thing I want is to force this on you, to make you feel obligated to tend to me. I cannot live with that. You deserve happiness. You deserve better than a brother who… who craves you in the most immoral of ways.”
Joshua smiled. “Why do you think I am aware of how the servants trail after you? Or how I’ve overheard their infuriating gossip of what type of woman, or man, you would surely prefer?”
Clive huffed in disbelief.
“And why do you think I always insist on watching you train, even at the break of dawn? It is petty and stupid that I should be jealous over attention that is yours to do with,” he laughed at himself, “but I suppose I’ve always felt that you belonged to me. Subconsciously, I wanted to be your partner, to be the first person you saw cheering you on. To be the one you fought for.”
“Joshua.”
“I chide you for your obliviousness, but I am no better. Birds of a feather, hm?”
Clive embraced him with unshed tears. “How blessed I am to have you.”
“Will you stay with me tonight? I know that things have changed between us, and so recently, but… I still want you beside me. In my bed, as we have always done. You are the only thing I find comfort in while resting. Phoenix has missed her twin flame.”
“I will not touch you, I swear upon my soul.”
Joshua was endeared with the man’s sincerity. “I expect you to touch me in some manner, Clive.”
“I will not… touch you inappropriately, I meant to say.” He coughed into his fist, flustered. “I am grateful that you still choose to have me, despite my mistakes. You are merciful, Joshua, far more merciful than I deserve.”
“Hush, brother. We will hear no more of it.”