Chapter Text
Ryland ran a hand through his hair, immediately grimacing and trying to fix it because he knew he’d leave it a mess. He pushed his glasses up his nose as he checked the schedule once more, making sure everything was on track.
Okay…so, presentations for the next hour, his Honors Biology class first, then Mr. Chen’s regular bio, then his Honors Physics, then Ms. Richard’s physics class.
He was busy this time of year, with being on the council for the science fair that was currently going on, the final exams for the five of his classes, the WiSTEM events, and the science club show at the end of the year assembly, he was a busy, busy man.
He glanced over his shoulder back at the WiSTEM stand, seeing his student leaders, Monica and Layla, talking to some of the younger classmen, gesturing animatedly with their hands.
He loved their school’s WiSTEM club, the girls were always so courageous and determined and it gave him such hope in the future of his field. He was always there to support them, but he wasn’t the official instructor for it because that was a bit…redundant, given he was a man and it’s a Women in STEM club, but they loved him enough to make him the Co-instructor by vote. He was honored and he passed out those honor medals with great pride.
He loved all of his classes: the 6th grade life science with the wide-eyed nervous kids trying to find some confidence in the world; his 7th grade biology/health class with kids in awkward stages trying to be older than they are; his 8th grade Biology class with the more confident kids who are starting to think about the future; and his Honors Physics and Biology classes with kids who are already quite sure of their purpose in the world, or those who have just found a passion in the sciences.
He wouldn’t change it for the world. He had a pretty happy life, even if parts of it felt…empty, with no one to fault but himself.
He sighed and shook his head, glancing up at the crowd of students and teachers gathering the next presentation. He smiled upon seeing who was preparing to speak. Ruby, one his brightest students in his Honors Bio class. She was quick-witted and confident. She reminded him a lot of…someone—he tried not to think about it.
Ruby was dressed in smart clothing, with a blue dress shirt under a white knitted sweater vest and cream colored pants. Her dark hair was up in a ponytail, her bangs were wispy and her short, face-framing pieces hung down in front of her ears. She was a cute kid when she wasn’t ruining his day with her (hilarious) sarcasm and nonchalance. He didn’t realize that being a teacher would come with so much bullying from his favorite students, but again, he wouldn’t change it for the world.
Once everyone seemed to settle in their places around her station, Ruby looked up at him, to which he smiled and gave her a thumbs up in encouragement. He saw a flash of nervousness in her eyes, but it was replaced quickly as she took a deep breath and looked at the president of the council, who nodded and started a timer. They had 6-8 minutes to present their projects, but Ryland was sure she would be perfectly fine time-wise.
Ryland looked over her neatly organized tri-fold poster board propped up behind her, neatly titled “How Drugs Affect the Brain: Why They’re Addicting"
Ruby cleared her throat and began.
“So I decided to do my project on the exact processes different illicit substances have on the brain. I would like to welcome you to my neuroscience corner—”
She then went on to describe what happens in the brain when someone takes different drugs, in this case, Cocaine, Heroin, and Meth. Going on to explain that cocaine roleplays as neurotransmitters and gives a false serotonin boost, but then this also causes less natural serotonin to be made, making the crash afterwards worse, explaining the depressive and withdrawal symptoms.
It was a very well-researched and organized presentation, it was written in just the perfect way that even the 6th graders there could understand the gist of it and why taking drugs is bad for neuro health.
Ryland was giddy by the end, clapping for her as she ended it smoothly with a warning against hard illicit substances. He was so proud of her, even if it was a bit out of his wheelhouse, neuroscience was barely touched on in any of his bio classes; however, he was happy that she seemed to find a niche she was interested in.
That left the brief Q&A at the end. Ryland always tried to ask something that they’d know how to answer or to expand on something in their presentation.
“Great work, Ms. Mckenna,” he started, feeling the crowd’s eyes turn to look at him. “I’m curious, how did you end up choosing a neuroscience topic? We don’t cover much of that in my classes.”
She grinned.
“I know, Dr. Grace,” she said, “I actually have more of an interest in psychology or psychiatry because of my uncle, so I chose this because it’s related to biology and I think the biological components of it all is really interesting.
Ryland nodded, this was new information to him.
“What does your uncle do?”
She blinked.
“Uh, he’s still in school for his masters? I think? For, uh,” she paused and looked to the left of the crowd. She skipped over to someone and grabbed their hand, pulling them up to the front with her.
The first thing Ryland noticed about the man was that he was fit, like really, really fit. He had thick, broad shoulders that tapered down into a strong core, thick thighs that really showed in the black, tactical cargo pants he was wearing. The black shirt he wore really illuminated the broadness of his chest and shoulder—that was when Ryland realized the man was actually missing an arm. His left arm was a short stump, covered by a black and gray compression sleeve of some sort. He also was wearing sunglasses, which Ryland initially thought was just a style choice with his all black fit, but once he was up at the front with Ruby, he could see that he had some pretty significant scarring across the left side of his face and neck.
He had long, dark hair, about shoulder length, perhaps, but the top part was pulled up into a bun, some wavy strands out, framing his face. He seemed to be of Asian descent, telling by his face shape, his strong jaw, and dark hair. Ryland thought it could possibly be the lighting, but it seemed like he had some slight graying at the temples, but he looked a bit young to be graying. He had a short beard, some grays speckled through and Ryland figured it wasn’t just the lighting.
He was handsome, Ryland could see that easily.
“Tell them what you do, I don’t remember how you put it,” Ruby asked him.
The man grinned down at her softly, patting her on the head once, before leaving his hand there, looking up at the crowd.
“I’m getting a masters in psychology with a focus on cult recovery, I’m currently working as an anti-cult educator since I grew up in a death cult.”
Several people seemed to gasp, several just gawked at the guy. Ryland felt chills run down his spine at the man’s voice, it was deep and rich, full as though he was confident in his words. The way he spoke was almost melodic, Ryland was entranced by it.
“Thanks, Uncle Si,” Ruby said, taking it over again. “He helped me with some of my research for this project so special thanks to him.”
She stepped into his side and wrapped her arms around his waist, he chuckled and wrapped his arm around her, squeezing her shoulders.
“She did the heavy lifting, believe me,” he said out to the crowd, getting some chuckles.
Ryland laughed, in a bit of shock. People weren’t thinking about cults every day, so meeting someone who seemingly lived and survived a cult and was now working to help others was interesting. It was remembering a reality that not most have, but that still existed. That was some people’s reality, and they do need help.
The timer went off and they congratulated Ruby and started to shift over to the next presentation station.
He waited for a second to let the crowd disperse. He went up, finding Ruby with her uncle.
“Ruby!” he called, gaining her attention. Her eyes lit up and she skipped a step over to him. Her uncle seemed to hesitate behind her. He leaned forward, tapping Ruby’s elbow.
“I’m gonna run to the bathroom,” he said quietly, keeping his head down.
Ruby looked at him and nodded, paying him no mind as she turned back to Ryland, who just blinked and watched the man turn and walk away. Ryland felt a pang in his chest in slight disappointment, he was hoping to maybe talk to him a bit more, but it seems as though he had other plans. He turned his attention back to his student.
“You did great, Ruby,” he said, grinning proudly down at her. “It was so well researched! And I’m really happy to see you’ve found a niche—and that you have someone in your life to bounce ideas off of,” he said, looking back toward the way her uncle went. She nodded.
“Yeah, he’s really cool, he’s just a bit awkward sometimes,” she said. Ryland snorts, shaking his head, she was too observational for her own good sometimes.
“Aren’t we all?” he asked rhetorically with a shrug. She cocked her head, looking up at him and he braced for impact.
“Maybe not as awkward as you, but you know, to each their own,” she said with a sly smirk.
“Oo, burn,” Ryland said, giving her a low high five. She giggled and hit his hand. He chuckled and shooed her away towards a couple more of her friends that had come to congratulate her, standing patiently nearby. “I’m proud of you, Ruby,” he said as she turned to walk away. “I know you’re gonna go on to do some great things.”
Ruby just grinned, her toothy smile and squinted eyes a genuine happiness that made Ryland’s heart full.
She turned and ran over to her friends, greeting them with a high pitched squeal and the start of excited chattering.
He turned to follow the crowd over to the next presentation that was starting. It wasn’t one of Ryland’s students, so he figured he could stick more to the back this time.
That was, until he got a text he wasn’t expecting.
Colt
Hey Ry, I’m in SF for the next week or two
Was wondering if you wanted to meet up and talk?
Maybe lunch or dinner?
Drinks are fine too.
Ryland felt his hands go cold.
His breath caught in his chest, his head swam and he suddenly couldn’t see, his vision blurred by tears welling up in his eyes.
Why was Colt texting him? It’s been years—it’s been too long—why would he ask now? What happened? Was something wrong? Was he in trouble? Did he need something? Did he need money? Ryland didn’t have much extra money, teacher’s salary and all. Also Colt has always been the more mature one, the more independent one, it would take something serious to happen for Colt to straight up ask someone if he could borrow money—
He’s jumping to conclusions. He was just so confused. It’s been so long without him, without really talking to him, it was just a shock.
Ryland really needed some air.
He looked around, finding the side door of the gymnasium leading to the back alley was open. He quickly and quietly turned away, keeping his head down as he headed for the door. Pushing the heavy door open, taking a deep breath as a cool breeze grazed his face. He was so far in his head, his thoughts running wild, his mind going around in circles. His stomach was starting to tie itself into knots, his chest tightening with anxiety at all of what this could mean. He started biting at the side of his thumb, a nervous tick he hasn’t quite been able to kick.
What did it mean? Maybe Colt needed something? Unlikely but possible. Maybe something was wrong? Also possible but he felt like Colt would have better people to turn to than him. Maybe he just wanted to reconnect? Grace wouldn’t believe that, the way they left things was awful—Grace was awful to him, he had no idea why Colt would want him back in his life, even if a part of him—a large part of him—missed his twin brother.
“Any more circles someone might mistake you for a golden retriever and call the pound,” a deep voice startled him out of his thoughts.
“Fiddle sticks!” He jumped with a yelp, flipping around, eyes wide as he tried to find the source of the intruder. Well, they were outside, so interrupter is probably more accurate.
His eyes finally found the source.
Ruby’s uncle was there next to the door, leaning against the building, cigarette between his fingers, bringing it to his lips to take a drag and exhaling a moment later. Grace took a breath, pressing his hand to his chest, trying to calm his racing heart. The man now had his sunglasses perched on the top of his head. The scarring across the left side of his face was easier to see in the cloud-diffused sunlight. His left eye was surrounded by–what looked like–some sort of burn scar, but there was also a cut-like scar across his brow bone, down over his eye and to his cheek. He had another one across the bridge of his nose, slightly tilted at an angle. Ryland knew it was rude to stare so he looked away. The man had a way of pulling off the look, with his build and stature, his short beard and long hair—it’s like he made the scars suit him. He looked quite bad ass.
“Sorry,” he said, looking down, he wasn’t even aware he was walking in a small circle. That tends to happen when he gets nervous or panicked, he’ll start pacing back and forth or walking in small circles. It drove his college roommates insane, even to the point they offered him both a Xanax and an Adderall. Ryland said no and just banished himself to working in one of the private study rooms in the library or when his roommates weren’t home.
“You’re Ruby’s uncle?” he asked, squinting a bit in the overcast light that was a bit brighter than the lighting inside.
The guy nodded, taking another drag from his cigarette. “Yeah.”
Grace stands a bit taller, trying to remain professional despite the fact this guy has just seen the beginning of a deep spiral that will occur later.
“I’m Ryland–uh Dr. Grace, Dr. Ryland Grace,” he said, cringing internally at his own stammering. “I’m her Honors Biology teacher.”
The guy’s lips pull into a partial smirk.
“Oh, I know,” he said with an amused sigh. “She talks about you a lot.”
Ryland felt his face get hot, his cheeks becoming pink.
“All good things, if you’re worried,” the guy said, his voice thick with smoke before blowing it out. “You’re just about her favorite human being—besides me, of course.”
Ryland felt a grin tug at his lips. He laughed and reached up, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. When he looked up, the guy was looking at him, scrutinizing him with a careful gaze. There was something appreciative in his eyes though…his really dark eyes. Ruby also had brown eyes, but hers were a warm chocolate color that turned honey in the sunlight. Her uncle, however, his eyes were an inky black from where Ryland stood, unable to tell the pupil from the iris.
“Name’s Simon, by the way,” he said after an awkward, quiet moment. Ryland nodded.
“Nice to meet you, Simon” Ryland said, taking a step toward him and holding his hand out for a handshake.
Simon put the cigarette between his lips again, leaning forward to shake it. His hands were strong, a bit calloused, his fingers seemed thicker than Ryland’s, who was always a bit conscious of his longer, thinner fingers.
Ryland cleared his throat when Simon let his hand go.
“Are you okay? I know Ruby kinda dragged you into the spotlight there at the end.”
Simon huffed, amused, and shrugged. “I’m used to being stared at, I talk at events and stuff, I just wasn’t prepared, I guess.” He lowered his gaze. “Especially at her school…” he said quietly, almost out of earshot.
“I get that,” Ryland said, trying to reassure him. “I’ve made a fool of myself public speaking more times than I can count. Not that you made a fool of yourself or anything!” Oh god Ryland stop talking– “That’s not what I’m saying, you did great, and I’m so happy Ruby has someone like you to bounce ideas off of and stuff—“
Simon’s gentle chuckle interrupts his train of thought, Ryland looks at him, seeing an amused look on his face. Ryland felt a tense breath leave his chest, his shoulders releasing a bit of their tension.
“Sorry, I forget to think before I speak and end up rambling, especially when I’m anxious.”
Simon hummed, taking a drag, the smoke billowing gracefully from his lips.
“What’s got you so anxious?” Simon asked, nodding toward him. “You did look preoccupied earlier, chasing your tail.”
Ryland let a slightly humorous exhale out of his nose. He shrugged, shoulders tense again, looking away as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his slacks, rocking back on his heels. He shouldn’t be airing out his grievances with a stranger, but he was dying for someone to just talk to him—for some sort of human attention.
“My, uh, brother texted me,” he started, “my brother that I haven’t really talked to in, like, five years, besides happy birthday/happy holiday texts.”
Simon just hummed, taking another drag.
“That’s a good reason to be anxious”
“Yeah, and he just asked to get dinner or something—to talk—but not about what, like, I don’t know if he just wants to reconnect or-or if he wants something, which would be surprising cuz he’s always been the more independent one. I just have no idea what to expect—“
“Ryland, maybe you should take a breath,” Simon said, looking at him with a gentle concern.
Ryland promptly shuts up and rocks back on his heels. He sucks in a deep breath, closing his eyes as he lets it out slowly. He shook his head, trying to clear his anxious thoughts away.
“Sorry, thanks,” he mumbled, looking away, suddenly aware of Simon’s eyes on him. He started biting at the side of his thumb again. “It’s just…” he sighed, looking down at his shoes, using the toe of his converse to prod at a weed that had sprouted up in a crack in the concrete. “I was a mess the last time we saw each other, I said some really shitty things…I just don’t know if we can come back from that.”
Simon hummed, making Grace glance up at him. The brunette was looking off into the distance, a thoughtful look on his face. His breath hissed as he blew out a puff of smoke.
“If he’s reaching out, maybe he’s ready to move on,” he offered. “Maybe he’s ready to forgive you, which means you would have to work towards forgiving yourself.”
Ryland just blinked; remembering the tears, the yelling, the way his chest hurt as he watched Colt walk out the door and slam it behind him. He waited hours to see if Colt would come back, if he would open that door and walk through it again. He didn’t. Grace didn’t blame him.
He shuddered, his heart palpitating in his chest. He felt a lump in his throat, tears prickling behind his eyes.
In all honesty, he’d forgiven Colt years ago, he just wasn’t sure if Colt would forgive him. He’s the one that fucked it all up anyway.
Grace looked up, seeing Simon still watching him with a careful expression.
Uncomfortable, he changed the subject.
“Those aren’t very good for you, you know,” Grace said, nodding toward the smoldering cigarette in Simon’s hand.
The man snorted, a small smile on his lips as he took one last short drag from it. He picked up his foot, resting the outside of his ankle on his other knee, stubbing the cigarette out on the bottom of his boot. He blew out the last breath of smoke as he put his foot back down.
“Believe me, I know,” he said, sending a wink at him as he pulled out the carton of cigarettes from his pocket, putting the butt back into it, probably to throw away later. Huh, at least he doesn’t litter– “It used to be worse, I’m down to a pack a week now, though.”
Ryland immediately feels like an asshole and an idiot. He clears his throat and nods.
“That’s good,” he said dumbly. “Though, if anyone deserves a cigarette, it’s probably you.” Ryland immediately regrets his words, tensing up, feeling his hands go clammy. “Uh, no offense of course–”
“See, that’s what I told my psychiatrist but she didn’t seem to agree,” Simon said, a playful tone to his words that made Ryland relax.
Grace laughed, Simon just wore a playful grin on his face.
Grace was about to ask another question, but they were interrupted by someone.
“Uncle Si!” Ruby yelled, coming around the side of the building.
“Hey kid,” Simon said, replacing his sunglasses on his face.
“I’ve been looking for you,” she said, stopping in front of them, panting like she had been running.
“What’s up?”
“Margot, Anne, and I wanna go get ice cream after to celebrate since Dr. Grace said I’m getting an A on my project.”
“Uh, I did not say that!” Ryland said with a brow raised, crossing his arms. Ruby just looked at him and blinked. He relented. “Yeah, okay, it’s probably an A, it was really well done,” he grumbled. Ruby grinned.
“That’s fine with me, you little manipulator,” Simon said, reaching over to ruffle her hair. “I just wanted some air, I’ll come back inside and you guys can just let me know when you wanna go, okay?”
“K, thanks Uncle Si!” she said as she scurried back around the corner of the building, throwing a small wave behind her.
Simon sighed. “Does she know there’s a door right here?” he asked, gesturing to the door behind Ryland.
“Who knows?” Ryland shrugged. “Kids,” he sighed, looking off in the direction she ran off in, “they’re smart until they’re not.”
Simon chuckled, a deep, baritone, melodic laugh.
The silence stretched between them. Grace felt the awkward tension rise in his throat. He turned his upper body, gesturing to the door behind him.
“Uh, I should probably get back inside,” he said, jamming a thumb that way. Simon nodded and stepped to follow.
Grace opened the door, letting Simon through first, his eyes scanning the man’s broad backside–
He tore his eyes away to look at his scuffed chuck taylors.
The extended double doorway they were standing in had no people around, it wasn’t as well-lit as the other sections of the gym. Ryland cleared his throat, catching Simon’s attention.
“Uh, thanks, by the way, for the company,” he started, rocking back on his heels, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “I was seriously about to spiral there for a minute.”
Simon seemed to scan his face, brows pinched, his lips parted like he wanted to say something. He shook his head once.
“Thank you for what you’ve done with Ruby,” he settled on. “She hasn’t had the easiest life, but you being her teacher seems to have gotten her to be back to being a confident kid again.”
Ryland felt the question on the tip of his tongue, and he just couldn’t keep it down.
“Can I ask you something?” Ryland asked. “And if it’s too personal, you can totally tell me to fudge off.”
Simon just smiled softly and nodded. Ryland’s hands started to wring in front of him.
“I teach 6th grade life science and 7th grade health and biology, so I have a lot of the kids for all three years, and I just…I remember she had a really rough time in 6th grade. She was exhausted all of the time and fell asleep in my class quite a few times, and I was worried for her so I just let her sleep. I asked if everything was okay at home and she just said she couldn’t tell me. I sent her to the counselor just to make sure she wasn’t in danger or anything, but then she didn’t come to school for a couple weeks. I was really worried but the admin said it was being dealt with.” Simon’s expression seemed to harden beneath his sunglasses. “Then she came back and was like a whole new kid, back to her snarky, sarcastic wit and humor and all that. I was just wondering…what happened to her?”
Simon didn’t look at him. His head was trained on the crowd of kids and teachers that filled the gym.
“I happened,” he said, his voice now devoid of any emotion. His left shoulder shifted uncomfortably, Grace’s eyes flicking over to it and back to his face. Grace could see him swallow. “It’s a long story,” he sighed. “The gist is: her mom, Claire, is my half-sister, she was part of the same cult that held me against my will as leverage on Ruby’s mom. She fell in love with an outsider and got pregnant, I got them out, but I didn’t. It was like that for years but Ruby was the Father’s—uh, the leader’s—weak spot. She was a grandchild, they said they just wanted to see her, but we knew they wanted her back. Ruby heard all of the fights over the phone, between her parents—she was scared, she knew something was wrong but not how bad it was. We knew we would never see her again if we took her to see them, but they were desperate, so Claire agreed but only if I was their escort back to the compound. The second we could, we ran, went to the cops.” Simon grimaced, like recalling the memories were painful, Grace expected they were. “We were placed into protective custody during the investigation, that’s why we pulled her from school for a bit. The investigation was quick because I was a witness and evidence,” he said, lifting the bit of arm he had left, using his other hand to gesture to his face.
“Cheese and crackers,” Ryland whispered under his breath, making Simon look at him. “You really do never know what someone is going through. I’m so glad it turned out well and I hope they got the punishment they deserved.”
Simon grimaced, making Grace’s heart sink. “Unfortunately, the cult has deep government ties,” he sighed. “Let’s just say the punishments could’ve been more severe”
Ryland huffed and shook his head, slightly stomping his foot in anger and frustration for him.
Simon chuckled, looking over the brim of his sunglasses at him. “Relax, Angel, we’re pretty good at taking care of ourselves now that we’re out—believe me, I can take care of myself just fine.”
Ryland felt his heart beat stutter in his chest, his face turning a warm pink at the teasing nickname.
Simon smiled lopsidedly, lips parting to maybe say something else–
“Dr. Grace!” Someone called out. He looked over his shoulder to see Deja, another one of his students, waving at him, notecards in hand, preparing for their presentation.
“Shoot, I gotta run, but um,” Ryland paused, clapping his hands together awkwardly, shoulders tense. A lot kind of happened just now—Simon just dropped a lot of sensitive information—and he wasn’t quite sure how to transition out of it. “It was really nice talking to you,” he settled on. “I’m glad Ruby has someone like you in her life.”
“I could say the same thing,” Simon said, head titled slightly in an earnest way.
“I’ll um, see you around maybe?” he said as he walked backwards a few steps. Simon nodded and he turned away, heading towards Deja–
“Wait–” Simon said hurriedly, reaching out to grab Grace’s wrist. “Hey, sorry if I’m overstepping here, but about your brother…” he looked down, and through the dark lenses of the glasses, Ryland could see a whirlpool of emotions flash in his eyes. Simon sighed and shook his head. “Take it from me when I say that there is nothing worse than losing someone who is still alive. Past mistakes are minute in the face of the future. Just…he won’t know how you feel unless you tell him, yeah? So why not at least try?”
Ryland took a sharp inhale, the threat of tears welling up again. He could feel the ache in his chest, the hole inside of him that was left empty. An entire part of him, gone.
“I’ll, uh” his voice breaks, “I’ll keep that in mind.” He slid his hand down from Simon's loose grip on his wrist, grabbing his hand, squeezing it gently.
Simon smiled softly, squeezing back before letting go of his hand. Ryland turned away and walked over to his student’s station, trying to convince himself to not look back.