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“Ready?” Jungsu asked, hands trailing off Jiseok's as he helped Jiseok to wear the seatbelt before it subtly brushed the surface of Jiseok's knuckles and the sensation faded away afterwards. “We'll be there in an hour so if you're exhausted—”
Jiseok's eyes fluttered shut, he tilted his head to the side and pouted, “Jungsu, I told you I'm not exhausted. I'm good!” Jiseok cut him off before Jungsu got his chance to finish his sentence. He continued after smacking his lips and fluttering his eyes open, “Besides, you should worry about yourself! Not me.”
Jungsu's eyebrows knitted perfectly atop his forehead, observing him once again to try to dig out an honest answer from Jiseok who once again sat at the passenger seat. The creasing grew deeper as he continued, “I don't mind, Jiseok. You have my words. Besides,” he chimed the way Jiseok said ‘besides’ earlier, “This is all for you. So if you—”
“Come on.” Jiseok said half exasperatedly at Jungsu's hesitance, “I told you a million times already.”
Jiseok pursed his lips into a half flat thin line where the corner of his lips were visibly bent downward, a visible wrinkle painted atop his forehead like an unwritten stamp of ‘hey, I'm getting impatient here’ to Jungsu. Jungsu saw it and let out a light huff, making sure he was well aware of it before his hands retreated back to the steering wheel. He gave Jiseok another quick nod then revived the engine and started to drive his car.
It all started that night, when Jungsu drove him home after they had their dinner at Jungsu's personal recommendation. It turned out well, Jiseok said he had grown fond of sweet and savory food because of that and yes as Jungsu had expected earlier, that place took over Jiseok's all time pork place over a night. Jiseok said the taste was fit to his liking, he commented something about the balance between sauces he could taste in his mouth as well as the mind-blowing lingering aftertaste. Jungsu? Well, he was over the moon, too invested in his own amusement. He couldn't hide his excitement through his never wavering sparkling eyes every time Jiseok highlighted something about the food; how rich in flavor it was and how it fit its well-deserved fame. Jiseok knew it was notorious for being one for the history book restaurant where influencers paid them a leisure visit then posted it online about how majestic the taste was, he already knew it but since he had the ball to finally sit and chew all of those appetizing meats in front of him, he knew he was coming to the right place. In spite of his festiveness, Jungsu was restless. He barely sat down because he felt like he was fleeting throughout the dinner that day, he was so full of himself he gotta admit it but whatever he was being giddy nonetheless.
The bond inclined stronger each day as both of them constantly managed to maintain two-ways conversation, sometimes they’d chat until one of them drifted off first and unaware they had left one party hanging for a couple of hour—sometimes also at the ungodly hour, at some point they’d do voice call if one of them thought text was kinda inconvenient. They’d occasionally meet outside the orchestra, especially on weekdays, just to hang out with each other. Just like how Jungsu did a few days ago, spending his lunch time at Jiseok's place just to listen he long-winded about the music sheet—more like he was crashing out by the way. They spent the rest of their day at Jiseok's place afterwards, watching a movie both of them had missed its airing due to overloaded work that had taken most of their humane time to socialize, traipsing to move day by day using their constantly drained slash almost emptied-out energy that horribly cost their golden time.
Jungsu, though he wasn't sure about the other party but he personally, felt like he was constantly rolling on his back each time passed. Didn't have quite some time to rest let alone take a breather in between. You know the feeling when you should work your ass off each day only to get knocked out by realization that, in fact—it was another matter-of-fact realization Jungsu had grasped nowadays by the way, you got to see another day ‘erased’ and ‘added’ and you couldn't do anything about it. Sometimes life is just like that, Jungsu thought to himself.
Back to the pieces Jungsu picked up where he left off, they were planning to go to the beach, for the record, at night after the rehearsal ended a couple of minutes ago. Jiseok was the one who said he wanted to go to one last week, he said it out of the blue when he saw a few paintings across the restaurant’s wall that day. One thing that slipped away from his mind was, he never thought Jungsu would be so dangerously sweet and ridiculously meticulous to plan the whole thing out so they could go to the beach a week later. Jungsu, on the other hand, didn't want to let this hanging out with your crush agenda simply pass by without him shooting his shot and aiming for the stars. At the very bits of his hope, he tried, didn't he?
Jungsu spent nearly five days straight to pinpoint some possible plans for their upcoming—err should he confidently say as—date. From monday night when it was the first time Jiseok had talked about it, to Saturday morning when he nearly passed out after juggling and moonlighting a few jobs—one was his real job, second was to fulfill his duty as Jiseok's newly-hired personal assistant, while the other one was to fully abide himself as a devoted violist for the orchestra. Jiseok found out that day yet it didn't stop Jungsu to comply because Jungsu had already prepared for the best let alone covered the basses—after an earful of course.
Jiseok was pissed off at first but after he and Jungsu had talked it out and sorted things out for maybe a couple of hours, he went back to his usual self—chatterbox who grew fond of long-winded slash blabbering about things around him. He momentarily forgot the way Jungsu almost got under his skin. Jungsu found himself lost in reverie, most of the time feeling ungentlemanly about how dumbstruck and starstruck he was every time a string of whacky words slipped off of Jiseok. He mindlessly gravitated to him through Jiseok's peculiar eccentricity. Such zany things could move him at the slightest, he recalled he was laughing a bit uncontrollably to a human-size duck plushie Jiseok received from a friend on his birthday.
To live up to his crush-y thing, he had a bold idea. He wanted Jiseok to feel his everlasting benevolence by showering him with a string of encouraging words every time Jiseok felt something was off or as simple as indulging him with his thoughtful and considerate acts of service even when he didn't ask for it. He could take off from that slowly to advance to another level above the title ‘friend’—scratch best friend because all he ever wanted was to be Jiseok's boyfriend. Thus, he had prepared a lot of things. Each day had a special slash, sometimes it could be impromptu ones because apparently he stuck to the P so bad, it had hurt his head to keep on planning things. Each day had a different approach, Jungsu had exceptionally shown different ways to keep his man crush entertained—a bit dramatic because that's the kind of person Jungsu was. Earlier this time, they were talking about the piece before the upcoming dress rehearsal next week takes place on Friday, 7 sharp.
Jungsu, being one on the alto clef paid slight no mind to listen to Jiseok's rambling about the solo part he had to deliver, was nodding along the way. As the violist, this session’s piece was such a challenge for the rhythm section. The first violin part was kinda hectic to depict the beautiful yet depressing sound violin had usually produced whilst the viola had to provide the second to none rhythm. Together they delivered such a blissful blessing to the ears. The first chair, in this context was Jiseok who played an essential and crucial part, who had never let anyone down for his exceptionally high-skilled ability to convey everything—including the nuance and the accents—on the spot. How he diligently shifted his fingers onto the violin’s neck as he sight-read the music sheet in treble clef whilst Jungsu, who basically did the same thing, played a crucial part for the rhythm in alto clef. He carried the rhythm alongside other instruments such as cello and double basses—a real one, cause thank God they didn't set up the cello to lower the notes dropped to the b flat this time or asked nicely—other word for forced—someone to play the basses, mostly from the violin or viola.
The solo part for today's rehearsal was kinda spicy, he thought to himself during the play because of how excellent Jiseok’s hands were dancing around the slightly smaller instrument than his. Though the star of this talk deliberately changed the subject to how great strings and other instruments at the orchestra were, he didn't want to discredit everyone who put their effort for this season—Jungsu tucked his lips because his agenda of worshiping Jiseok was kinda off. He, however, didn't really pay any mind. Back to the behind story of the orchestra’s rehearsal, he recalled he almost got caught—no, he already got caught once—for playing too fast from others. The sound was an ick to the conductor’s ears so he had to calm himself down for the rest of the rehearsal—thank God, the conductor didn't ask him to play the notes by himself or else he’d bury himself on the nearest lawn.
He thought he’d visibly cuckoo at the sight of Jiseok seemingly laughing at him when he glanced over his right side from the corner of his eyes. He tucked his lips in agony and despair because that was so embarrassing.
The thought of it had Jungsu shaking his head, his fingers fidgeted the steering wheel tightly as he exhaled and inhaled the air to distract himself. That was so ungentlemanly of him and he won't let Jiseok know, of course, about the fact that it was one of Jungsu's ways to entertain his man crush agenda. Scratch the point where he got caught and got laughed at. The corner of his lips perked up so did his eyes as the car slowly got closer to the shores. Dainty old-school fashioned lampposts shone their way, contrary to the horror vibe that welcomed them—one where dismay lingered at the back of their back as it sent a chill down their spine.
Jungsu bobbed at the semi darkened sight of the lawn on each sides, “Maybe we came at the—”
“Oh my God, I can see the shores!” Jiseok gasped as the blurry vision of sea shores slowly became vivid as the car got close to the designated parking lot, undeniably cutting Jungsu off before he could even finish his sentence.
A crease loosely hung from the tip of Jungsu's lips upon hearing Jiseok's lively reaction. He shot back a quick glance to the aforementioned shores, eyes widened at the sight of how picturesque the night view that fell upon the sea. He was obviously oblivated, he mouthed, “Wow,”
He slightly hunched back at his seat to take a closer look upon it, hitting the brake along the way to slow down the car as he hungrily indulged himself into the heavenly scenery. Before long, he recognized the parking lot near the motel he had haphazardly and blindly reserved a couple of days ago. He didn't even check the review or whatsoever and went all-in to toss himself another bucketful of lucks of whatever had waited for them.
Jungsu stopped the car and parked it after he dropped Jiseok off, whose eyes were glued to indulge himself in the picturesque scenery around him. He figured some things out along the way and Jungsu lost the track to connect the dots, not because he was slowing down at night. Well, it was partially legit true, however, it was more like he was less productive than he did at noon. He got back to his trunk and unloaded a few bags they had put there by himself whilst Jiseok was out of sight, seemingly super excited about this one night trip. They packed their belongings into a pair of black backpacks according to Jiseok's bold idea of being a super P and less planned adventure person.
He didn't do planning, by the way, neither did Jungsu or maybe this only existed in Jungsu's mind because Jungsu had the ball to say that he was scattered in between a nonexistent line of J and P. Jungsu, however, who said this to himself that he was a capital P person when it was all about daily routine. However, during this once in a lifetime trip to which he had prudently foreseen some things out, he made himself crystal clear sure he was prepared. Which, a bit too much. No, no, not a bit too much because in Jungsu's offense, you never know what would happen during a time like this so instead of cherry picking about some useful things and needs, he insisted to put everything—Jiseok thought and casually picked at him for being such a wonderful person, yes with an italic. He packed up the whole apartment and shoved it into the tiny backpack, hoping it would hang onto its life while carrying Jungsu's questionable itinerary. Jiseok urged him to pack ‘whats necessary’ yet the other already packed ‘what could come in handy later’.
They spent nearly an hour before Jungsu folded, hands flailing in defeat because he couldn't support his arguments with solid evidence and convinced Jiseok to go after his plan.
“Jiseok, be careful,” Jungsu mumbled, both hands occupied with bags and other bags of snacks.
Jungsu was thanking his past self for abiding Jiseok whom he had trusted to help him dissuade himself for being such a massive pain in the ass for his own self.
The thud sound of the trunk being abruptly pulled down was the sign that Jungsu was set and off to go. He searched anyplace under his vision to catch a glimpse of Jiseok who was still out of his sight. He wanted to call him but since the bags were sitting perfectly on each side of his body and undeniably trapped himself to fish his cellphone out from the pocket, he was leaving with no other choice than to put the rest on the nearest corner.
After he settled things down, which leaving his belongings and shoving it back to his room after he talked to the hotel manager, Jungsu’s finally freed.
“Jiseok!” Jungsu fished out his cell phone from his pocket, fingers fleeting around the screen for a moment.
He grew restless as he couldn't spot Jiseok anywhere near him, not even a glimpse of his smaller figure by a meter. He stopped to type another text from his cellphone to look around and let the air caressed his body. Breezy cold air dancing around his bare arm, it fleeting around the skin beneath the sleeve he had rolled up beforehand. It swirled around the dangling baby hairs on his face as well as his middle length grown black hair. The air didn't make him shiver at the slightest touch, but the ringing voice from his cellphone next to his ear did.
Moreover, why would the operator keep on asking him to click whichever number on his cellphone to send a voicemail instead. Jungsu only wanted Jiseok, not this frustrating seconds he spent wryly waiting over a line. He clicked his lips to the chiming sound of an operator trying to get himself on a voicemail. A crease tugged around his forehead, it dangling there as he inclined his head to other sides. A wrinkle found its way to glue over his corner eyes, making a hypothetical cat whiskers lookalike grew onto his eyes.
Another beat of gruesome silence Jungsu had to endure yet Jiseok hadn't shown himself through, ugh, Jungsu wished he would show himself through any sense or nonsensical way possible. Anything but seeing his lifeless body float over the water surface... He grimaced at the mere thought of his questionable comedically nonsense. Speaking of which, he partially blamed himself for casually and, though he hated to admit it, mindlessly letting Jiseok off of the grid just because the boy wanted to go off first. He could've asked Jiseok to wait for him whilst Jungsu took care of their belongings and this damn massive car Jungsu bought last year out of fear of missing out.
He sat back at the back shore where it was mostly a dry place, watching as the stillness rippled over his whole body and mind from where he had sat atop the sandy beach. He stopped for a while to take a breather and rest although he was entirely sure he couldn't get a proper rest, at least not at times like this. He put down his cell phone and shoved it into his pocket after numerous times of trying to get in touch with Jiseok. Both of his legs were folded into two where a prominent frame of triangle had formed over his thighs to his shank. A light huff slipped off of his mouth the moment he casually rubbed his hair out of dismantling and rummaging his tangled mind. He supported his elbow atop of both knees as the waft of beachy sand flew into his nose. The faint sound of the windy air orchestrated a monsoonal depression inside him, it was almost as the same as the kind that stirred your stomach ‘til it tugged and sucked the rest of your soul to weave some dismantled part into one. The sound of the dancing waves rippled the pleasure down his spine. It was oddly bizarre to feel this kind of feeling at this hour yet Jungsu couldn't do anything about it since he was an emotionally-driven person. Even so, this feeling was somehow familiar to him.
Too invested in the sound of nature before his eyes, he missed the way something tugged at the hem of his white tee then it moved to his flannel shirt he wore to double up the warmth.
Until a tap on his right shoulder made his body jolted in surprise and almost rolled himself to the left if he hadn't placed his left hand to support his body.
“Jungsu!” Jiseok crouched down, greeted him with a wide smile, his bunny teeth seemed shining under the moonlight.
His smile slowly faded away as he noticed Jungsu's widened eyes alongside an inexplicable boring gaze at him. Jiseok ran his hand to comb the back of his hair, his eyes blinked twice. His nostrils flared up as he tried to catch up with another reaction of whatever Jungsu’s train of thought had processed in front of him.
Jiseok sat next to him, knowing something flashing in Jungsu's eyes. He tried to read the room and came up with a light, “I’m sorry..”
A tight knot that tightened his chest suddenly decreased, something clutching on his chest and mind the moment he saw Jiseok's face again. His eyes fluttered shut at the latter thought of the possible worst way to die and why was it drowning, his adam apple bobbed twice in accordance to his trailing hand off of his hair down to his nape.
“Oh, My!” His exasperated sigh caught Jiseok off guard, Jungsu draped him using his hands on both sides of his face. He whipped his head to face Jiseok then continued, “I thought you.. You could've called me, Jiseok.”
Jiseok grimaced at the barely-lost-it Jungsu. He offered an apologetic smile written all over his face, both of his hands reaching for Jungsu's for purchase. “I'm sorry, got carried away by nature's true beauty.”
“I thought something happened!” Jungsu ran his hands off of Jiseok's face, scrutinizing Jiseok's features with his trembling brown hazel eyes. He cupped his jaw where the prominent violin hickey took place over his left side of the face. “Are you okay?”
“You didn't see my body floating around on the beach means I’m all good.”
His heart dropped.
Jungsu scoffed upon hearing Jiseok's questionably lighthearted remark, he bowed his head down. “That's so silly of you,” Jungsu said as he lifted his head, offering a light tugging dangling from the corner of his lips. And me as well for thinking the same thing—“What's up with this nature's beauty that made you get carried away?”
“That's..” Jiseok sing-songed, “I don't know, I just love beaches. It has always made me find my peace of mind. I always go to the beach whenever I feel like I'm suffocating and carry the unbearable weight and burden I've been enduring by myself. Oops, apologize for the sudden mood dropping bomb. I suppose that was the emo side of me who was talking.”
A faint glint in Jiseok's eyes pierced right through him, his heart shrinking at the forced laughter Jiseok cracked in front of him.
Maybe that day Jiseok legit did want to go to the beach to calm himself down.
Maybe something is messing with him.
Maybes aren't enough to make Jungsu stop second-guessing nor make him gather the nerve to ask Jiseok for another therapy session with him.
Jungsu’s mind suddenly went blank, feeling like he was willingly succumbing himself to a nearest cliff and letting his body roll over the pebbles when he saw Jiseok's wry smile. He felt like something had beaten his throat thus words didn't come out afterwards. Regardless of how many times he tried to vocalize his inner thought, he couldn't find the proper way to blurt it out nor mustered up his strength to be Jiseok's number one sturdy emotional support pillar.
What came after was inevitable, his eyes blinked twice then doubled the speed as if he was driving on the highway. He winced sheepishly then said, “Is something happening, Jiseok?”
He said that after minutes of thinking about what's inappropriate and appropriate things to say at times like this.
Jiseok shook his head though he was kinda surprised at the sudden note from Jungsu, he reacted fast and made sure Jungsu didn't catch a slight tremble in his dilated pupils and the way his shaking hands trailed off of Jungsu's right hand for emotional purchase. He winked his eyes, offering lighthearted cheeky jokes. “No, I guess I have grown too attached to the beaches."
Jungsu didn't buy it.
He wasn't some cuckoos who naively bought some silly whopping, not when he discovered a distinct change in pitch as if Jiseok was choked on something. He let it off hook however. He didn't want to dig over the fear and seated-deep fright that shackled and occupied the vacant seat at the back of Jiseok's head, that was the least and the worst thing he could do.
Nah, instead he dropped his hands and grabbed Jiseok's for another round of skin ship for emotional support. He belatedly aware how cold Jiseok's hand was, pulling out his thumb to circle over the back of Jiseok's hand in a light and heart-warming gesture.
“You're so cold,” Jungsu mumbled softly, he looked down at the pale skin he was grabbing his hand to. “Do you wanna wear my—”
“You don't think I couldn't sense how badly your body shakes every time the air caresses us, do you?” Jiseok shot him back with a quip, snappy remark. A smile lightened up his vacant eyes as he moved his body, sending a faint waft of his perfume to Jungsu's nose.
Jungsu looked up, sheepishly grimacing ‘cause Jiseok was right responding to his drollery. He was cold, as well. He wasn't a big fan of being uncontrollably shaking and trembling at night over a ripple of cold air hitting every inch of your skin, but when Jiseok shuddered and pretended he was fine—though Jungsu wasn't so dense to aware he was basically grabbing to an ice, Jungsu was out of his wits.
He pulled Jiseok close to his embrace, partially letting him occupy the vacant space of his oversize flannel outer for two. Eyes snapped open and widened in surprise when Jiseok's hair brushed his chin, he didn't think much of the inexplicable moment though. He felt like his body had plans of his own.
“I’m sorry, I.. I just don't want you to feel cold.” His words trailed off, “Just—”
“Hey, it's a bit hot in here. I can hear your heartbeat pounding so loud.”
Jungsu didn't know whether it was a wisecrack Jiseok intentionally pulled to lighten the tension or the cramped and awkward position that made his heart jump and pound so hard. He mouthed ‘shit’ to himself—of course what would Jiseok think if he heard it??
He didn't know how to react to Jiseok's playful banter or teasing or whatever was that thing called because Jungsu was too precooked and boiled hard to the point he felt like he was no other than the lobsters flushed red in a hot stove. He was in a spatial space when his mind trailed off to something beyond these dimensions, maybe it was the golden time for him to start to believe in other possible existential life outside human beings, the moment he felt warmth emanated from the clothed skin.
Unlike Jiseok who thought he was hot, Jungsu had sworn it was the other way around. He felt dangerously cold and hot at the same time. They barely distanced themselves, letting the warmth from Jiseok’s back laid against his chest, restraining Jungsu's ability to think straight. The euphoria was out of his hands, he was overjoyed at this cramped position where he basically could hug him—or maybe he already did.
“Jiseok,” Jungsu whispered to the back of Jiseok's head as his hands found its way to pull Jiseok closer by the waist. Jungsu cleared his throat and said, “Can I hug you? I’m cold.”
“That's nonsense, you're already hugging me, aren't you?” Jiseok reluctantly hunched over, allowing Jungsu to drape and shelter himself using his build figure. “Anyways, you're cold while I feel all boiled here?” Jiseok's whimsical remark got Jungsu nib his lower lip, he reluctantly slid his hands off of Jiseok's waist.
The fingers tentatively brushing over the clothed skin as the remnants of the faded brief euphoric and ecstatic moment Jungsu only had a couple of seconds ago. He could hug Jiseok however he liked though, but that’d make him the scumbag who deserved to be beaten ‘til half death.
However, Jiseok pulled and sling Jungsu's retreating hands back to his neck.
Jungsu was too stunned to speak, his hands fleeting atop Jiseok's shoulder. It tentatively brushed and unbrushed over the surface until Jiseok chose to settle it down. He forcefully looped Jungsu's hand across his shoulder, to make it dormant, caging him in a deadlock position. It was bizarre and odd contrary to the comforting warmth and stillness that draped around them, as well as the awkward silence that followed.
“I like it when you hug me like this,” Jiseok glanced over his shoulder to peers Jungsu, offering himself a light nudge from his elbow. He smiled back at Jungsu who froze, “I don't do skin ships to be honest, yet I have these strange feelings whenever you come closer. I feel so comfortable around you. Maybe I started to develop an inherent ability to grow fond of simple skin ships. All thanks to you.”
“What?” Here came the dense and robot-like answer from Jungsu who still froze in time.
The hug brought back intimate and adamant tension Jungsu couldn't decipher where it would lead him to. He didn't dare to lay his hands as comfortably as he could over Jiseok's shoulder although he had already asked for his consent. You could shift the blame to the inability to hear and think well due to sudden fluctuating butterfly-inducing moments Jungsu’s tiny mind had to process. It all danced around his mind, back and forth until Jungsu succumbed to the process of deciding which one was the reality or which was the whimsically real almost-moment. Jungsu was severely hooked on the pitter-patter that possessed him.
He just wished Jiseok didn't hear how badly his heart thumping and pounding to this super close distance fell between them. Every heart-fluttering moment escalated the festive inside him, stirring a series of muted childish whimpers from Jungsu.
Jiseok tilted his head and rolled it onto the side, placing it on Jungsu's shoulder and completely unaware of the unwashed tinged in red shade in Jungsu's cheeks. “You heard me, don't you?”
Jungsu laughed dryly, polishing the made-up drollery with a wince to conceal his flushed face. “Yeah.. Just want to make sure of something.”
Jiseok nodded, his hands reaching for the hem of the shirt on each side which also pulled Jungsu closer altogether and sandwiches themselves in the moment to cover themselves up. “I wish I could stay like this. Should we skip the dress rehearsal, Jungsu?”
Jungsu pursed his lips as he was trying to conceal the mindless squeaky voice slipped off his mouth. Be cool, Jungsu, you can do this!
“If you want to be a dead meat straight out from kitchen and served right in front of Mr. Choi then you may have your way.” Jungsu wisecracked, all cheek to veil the way his heart thumped triumphantly when their bodies were pressed together.
Jiseok hummed, “I think that's better off that way.”
“I thought you love the violin,” Jungsu remarked, unaware of the sudden change in Jiseok's facial expressions.
Jiseok's smile faded, “I loved the violin,” He emphasized the word loved softly, not too loud but Jungsu didn't fail to pinpoint the distinct depressive tone there.
“May I know why you ‘loved’ the violin?”
A beat of silence passed after Jungsu's question. He wasn't trying to inquisitive him but it came out a little bit out of his wits. Moreover, he tried to rewire and picked up where he left off yet the stillness from the smaller boy had nearly made him convulsed on the spot. It was a nerve-wracking and bone-crushing moment that horrified and mortified him by the time Jiseok pried his right hand off his shoulder, placing it aligned with his to observe something.
Jungsu's stomach acted up upon feeling it through his bare skin, skin brushing against skin was so vivid. It felt surreal and real at the same time—he wondered how this could possibly happen?—every time Jiseok nudged his fingers using his. It made him choked with astonishment at how well taken care of Jiseok's fingers were, although, of course he had expected some rough texture would appear on the surface due to prolonged practice on the violin. Callouses were commonly found on string players, by the way. Jungsu had it as well, thoroughly visible on both fingers and the other was on his left jaw where it wasn't necessarily called as one. Jungsu, however, loved to occasionally implicitly showcase his ‘hickey’ on the left jaw; he thought it was a badge of honor after hours of practicing.
Jiseok's fingers were calloused, skeletal, slim and slender, unveiling a bit of contrast to his thick—Jungsu hated to admit but his fingers were fat—long and elongated ones. Well, it wasn't a silly whopper that Jungsu's fingers were called the pianist’s fingers, because aside from a matter of fact that he had played the piano since he was seven and dropped it somewhere else at fifteen, his mom also encouraged him to thoroughly take care of his fingers—she said Jungsu's fingers were one of a kind, he had to maintain a balance and good life style so it won’t go numb and wobbly later, which Jungsu belatedly found that it was her way to make Jungsu played the piano. He got carried away by the graceful fingers across his, a wrinkle was apparently visible on his forehead due to amusement akin to a child who went to the amusement park for the first time. The train of thought slowly formed, some were wacky things about how he inevitably compared himself to Jiseok, in Jungsu's offense it was inevitable because although it wasn't apple to apple, he couldn't help but doing so out of bad habit. In spite of his depleted soul that scattered someplace else, he tried to focus on something. Some were just another kooky reverie—it was daffy enough to be honest—for Jungsu to discern how it felt like to hold Jiseok by his hand.
He was scatterbrained.
Just because Jiseok had touched him, slightly brushed his fingers, then nudged them over before aligned it to advance to another round of finger’s comparison that had Jungsu become daft. The touch was subtle and light, yet the way Jiseok caressed his fingers was something Jungsu had truly never thought of.
Jiseok was still captivated by Jungsu's fingers on his hand, making him immobile and yielding to whatever Jiseok's doing. He hummed to a song, a familiar piece that had pierced in Jungsu's mind ever since he picked up the viola for the first time. “Because I love the violin.”
“What's that?”
Jiseok dropped Jungsu's hands, placing it back to his side and letting it dangle around—because apparently Jungsu had become jelly. “That’s my answer, Jungsu.”
“I can't connect the dots.” Jungsu cleared his throat, reluctantly let go of his hand on Jiseok's side to the back of his side. “I mean, why would you love the violin because you loved it first?”
Jiseok laughed. “You’ll know later.” He whipped his head to face Jungsu, showcasing a faint smile across his exhausted face.
Jungsu swore he saw something different, less than a burning ember but no other than scattered pieces of dying stars. He couldn't and won't decipher something out of his hands. If Jiseok chose to keep it by himself then who was Jungsu to judge him? He promised to the stars and himself that he wanted to be the one Jiseok sought after when things went rough and out of his hands. Jungsu wanted to be Jiseok's favorite place to reside, to be his comfort person but not in some kind of coercion.
Jungsu casted another upward curve across his lips, “Give me a call and I'll be all ears for you, whenever you're ready.”
Just like that Jungsu couldn't get ahold of himself, he caressed Jiseok's hair and gave him a head pat. His body was moving on his own yet Jungsu couldn't recoil, nor did he have any collection of it. Let it be, Jungsu wanted Jiseok to feel his benevolence through little things Jungsu really cared for, giving head pat was one of it.
It was a small gesture to comfort a friend, wasn't it?
For the first time in several months of having a fat crush over the violinist in his orchestra, Jungsu finally found a way to navigate his feelings. Not solely because he wanted to be that someone for Jiseok, nor merely because he was Jungsu's man crush or something, but Jungsu wanted it to happen naturally. Jungsu didn't even care even if it took him forever, all he ever cared about was the fact that he wanted to make Jiseok comfortable around him.