Chapter Text
"We're worried about you son," said Felix's dad.
Felix avoided his father's stern gaze, only to briefly lock eyes with his mother. The way she was looking at him made his gut turn. He wanted to leave. He wanted to push past them and open the door and run.
But that would only make this worse.
"What's there to worry about?" Felix asked casually with a roll of his eyes. He sat back down and swung his legs up onto the table, leaning his head back against his arms.
His parents sat across from him shared a worried glance. He hated how they did that. Acting like they knew something he didn't, when really it was the other way around. There was nothing to be concerned about, they just didn't see that.
"When was the last time you went out?" his mother asked.
"I walked Rox yesterday," he responded a little too quickly.
"You know what your mother means Felix," his father reprimanded.
"What? You'd rather I go out every night partying? Doing who knows what?" he challenged, closing his eyes before popping one open to see their faces twist in an array of emotions.
He knew they didn't like it when he used their words against them. He took pleasure in causing them that unique kind of discomfort. Or at least, that's what he told himself. That was an easier explanation for that chill that ran up his spine each time he saw his mother's panicked eyes than any other option that came to mind.
Felix's father grunted in annoyance. "You need to learn to exist around other people Felix. Human beings. Not those people online." The way he emphasised the word made Felix want to yell at him. He didn't.
Felix flinched and regretted it immediately. He knew his father saw it by the look in his eye, but he pushed those feelings away. He already knew how that conversation would end.
"I am perfectly capable of existing around people," Felix spat back with another roll of his eyes.
"That's it," his father huffed in anger as he slammed a leaflet onto the table in front of Felix. "You're going on this camping trip whether you like it or not. Hopefully you'll come back with a better attitude."
Felix's eyes shot open as he read the front page of the seemingly harmless leaflet.
Camp Amazing!
Your one stop Workshop to becoming a better person!
Last year's wonderful camping trip in the Derbyshire Mountains and surrounding forests returns for another round of adventures in the worlds of creativity and social interaction
For anyone aged 20-30.
You have been accepted!
Meeting on August 1st at The Toybox Café in Cambridge. 1pm
Felix scoffed. "What is this?"
"We thought it'd be good for you to get out there and meet people your age," his mother said carefully. "We met with someone who works there and we think it'd be good for you."
He was pissed. But he couldn't show it. He couldn't let his mask slip with the way his father was looking at him. How dare they send him away for the summer. They're probably just gonna take his sister on a real holiday or something and don't want him along. The least they could do was let him stay at the house alone. He'd be fine, he did it all the time.
He wanted to walk away. He wanted to take the leaflet and burn it. But instead he just rolled his eyes and nodded, turning away before they noticed the rage building inside him. He didn't want to do this, but he could tell they had made up their minds. And agreeing now would save him a night of berating and lecturing.
He had to pack after all.
—
Felix walked away from his mother's yellow Vauxhaul before she could get out and hug him. He didn't want anyone to see that. Especially not someone he might be having to spend two weeks around.
He had packed light. A large backpack full of clothes and some essentials. And then there was the small red tin stashed away at the bottom. Hopefully they didn't search him. He could always toss it somewhere he could grab later he supposed.
He stopped outside the doorway for the Toybox Café, checking his hair in his phone camera. He mussed up his curly purple hair that was not too short and not too long and let the fringe fall over his eyes, obscuring them from the outside without impeding his vision. His roots were starting to show and he cursed himself for not redyeing it the night before.
Felix had chosen to wear a black hoodie over a purple polo with black and white tracksuit bottoms. He didn't stand out and he didn't want to. He just wanted to fade into the background and slip away and have no one come looking for him. He wouldn't be running away. God he wished. But he'd much rather spend his days in nature than with a bunch of losers with no lives.
He stepped inside. The smell of coffee was sickening, burning into his senses the second he opened the door. The first person he saw was a bored barista with pink hair checking their phone whilst they waited for the coffee machine to fill up a cup. He surveyed the room and found it entirely empty except for a small group of people in the far corner making way too much noise.
"-think the beds will be nice?" said a quiet voice that was trying way too hard to sound positive.
"I hope so," replied a deep feminine voice. "I'm ready to crash as soon as we get there."
"But... it's only lunch time?"
"Yes, and?"
The only person visible from this angle was a tall middle-aged man with sandy blonde hair, glasses, and a creased blue shirt. He was either a parent or someone involved in running this whole fiasco. He was the only one who hadn't spoken yet, his eyes turned in Felix's direction and Felix froze, but they were unfocused and looked right through him.
Felix slipped into a booth near them quietly. He wanted to avoid people for as long as he could. After a couple minutes the restroom door opened and a tall plump man strode towards the group. He was dressed relatively casually and had a buzz cut with a light ginger fuzz beginning to grow back in. His gait was a little too long for his legs, like he wasn't used to walking.
"Hoooph! Much better!" buzz cut cheered with a hollow gusto, chuckling to himself as if he just said the funniest thing in the world. "We all here?"
Felix couldn't tell if he wanted to laugh at or with him.
There was a pause and Felix noticed their heads shift in the direction of the older man.
"Uh..." said the quiet voice with red curls Felix could just about make over the booth. "Kinger?" she asked.
"What?" the old man replied suddenly, head snapping towards her.
Her hair kinda reminded him of liquorice. He thought it would have made him hungry but the nausea from the coffee was overpowering. He hated that bitter stench.
"Is this... uh... everyone?" said liquorice hair.
"Oh," Kinger said timidly. He turned to count the heads of those around him and then he locked eyes with Felix.
Felix looked away immediately. Maybe if he just acted like he was here for any other reason they would leave and he wouldn't have to deal with this farce.
Kinger's head continued along and he dropped his left hand into the palm of his right. "Yup! Looks like the last of us just arrived! We'll meet up with the others on the Magic Bus!"
Felix blinked. Heads popped over the edge of the booth and eyes pierced through his skin. He reflexively plastered on a toothy grin.
"What? I've been here the whole time," he lied through his teeth.
Kinger nodded and Felix tilted his head at him. Buzz cut just laughed.
"Well, introductions can wait," said Kinger as he stood up. "We have a bus to catch!"
The group of them—Felix unfortunately included—funneled out of the Café. He got a better look at each one as they passed his booth. Kinger had a skip to his step and a genuine smile, but his eyes had this vacant look to them that Felix couldn't quite decipher. His skin was just beginning to wrinkle with age but still had a glow to it.
Liquorice hair was a lanky woman wearing a flowing blue dress and a generous amount of jewellery. He barely got a glimpse of her eyes as she quickly followed Kinger out of the building. One was brown but the other was a prosthetic styled after a red button.
Next was a short woman with a trimmed afro and gaudy sunglasses, presumably the owner of the deep feminine voice. Felix had to admit her style was impeccable. She wore an open camo shirt with a jagged midriff that was clearly cut by scissors over a dark-green tank top. She seemed to have piercings in every possible place on her face, made from various coloured metals with a myriad of styles. She seemed the most interesting of the group so far.
Finally buzz cut stepped directly up to Felix. "Hey!" he said with a smile that stretched from ear to ear.
"Uh... hi?" Felix tested as if talking to this stranger would light him on fire.
An awkward silence fell between them.
"Do you want someth-" Felix began.
"Can you two hurry it up and get out of here. I need to close up," the barista interrupted bluntly.
Felix shot them a look.
"Yep, on it! Sorry about that, see ya," buzz cut got out between belly laughs.
—
The vehicle could hardly be considered a bus. More like a small van, cramped and with a strong scent of pine that was failing to cover up the musty smell. It was kinda nostalgic in a way.
Everyone seemed to be seated towards the front of the van which meant Felix could happily lay across the back row without worry of social interaction. Buzz cut took the driver's seat and got the vehicle started.
"Seat belts on!" he called out. "I don't care if you're laying down as long as you're safe!"
Felix rolled his eyes, sat up, and connected a seatbelt around his torso.
"Good, we've got two stops to make still, so get comfortable."
It didn't take long for the chatter to start up. Felix tried to shut his eyes and ignore it but they were annoyingly loud, even liquorice hair.
"Who else do you think will be joining us?" she asked.
"Who knows," cool girl replied. "Already got quite the motley crew here haven't we?"
"Maybe someone's secret twin will board next!" added Kinger enthusiastically.
Felix stifled a snort. That one was an odd ball but at least it kept things interesting. Maybe this could be some fun for him after all.
"Someone has a secret twin?" liquorice hair asked genuinely.
Felix just kept his gaze on the cars and pedestrians that passed the window in a blur, silently taking in the last sights of a city he was likely to see for the next two weeks. He watched as his favourite run-down park passed them by, as a group of hooligan teenagers loitered around a bus stop the way he used to, as a couple waking their two dalmatians stopped at a crossing. They were all blissfully unaware of the van full of anti-social nobodies that they had never met, and they were all going to continue their lives none-the-wiser and without a care in the world.
Right about now Felix's parents and sister were probably celebrating his absence with a movie and plans for takeout later. He didn't know why they didn't just kick him out given how much they seemed to hate having him around.
Something tightened in his chest as the van turned onto the main road out of the city. A nostalgic pain for days gone by, when he would make the journey down this road on the school bus every morning. Sitting at whatever available window seat he could grab where he could also lay his backpack down on the seat next to him to indicate he wasn't interested in having a neighbour. It was a bittersweet memory. The freedom of being able to make an unwavering statement to your peers without saying a word or raising a hand, yet a signifier of the gruesome day that would follow under the threat of unfinished homework and P.E. classes.
When had he come to miss it? School of all things... it was ridiculous. He shook away the thoughts before the unwanted truth could make itself known. He didn't miss a thing. Not the routine. Not the purpose. And especially not the people.
The van pulled off of the main road just as quickly as it had entered and slowed to a stop next to a familiar bus stop. Felix narrowed his eyes. A theory came to mind that couldn't be true, but when the van door opened and *she* stepped onto the bus he ducked behind the seat immediately. He hated being right.
Emily Tucker. Someone he hadn't seen in almost 8 years, yet had lingered in the back of his mind the whole time like a squatter in an abandoned building. Why her of all people? Two weeks stuck around 'EMT', the subject of his relentless bullying in a misguided effort to be cool.
Felix peered through the gap between seats to watch her nervously look around the van for a place to sit. She hadn't changed a bit. She still wore her blonde hair in a ponytail, tied back by what must have been the same red ribbon forming an immaculate bow. Her eyes still had that perpetual shadow underneath of someone who never got enough sleep. And she still moved like she was scared the very seating of the van was going to hurt her, and knowing her it actually might.
"Oh, you can sit here if you want!" chirped liquorice hair as she patted the seat across from her.
Emily startled as if she had completely forgotten that other people were present. "Oh... y-yeah thanks," she said quietly as she took the offer and sat down.
Still a pushover then.
Buzz cut stood to once again check that everyone on the van was securely seated. He caught Felix's eye in the gap between seats and narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but sat down again and began the next leg of their journey which Felix was thankful for. The longer he could go without Emily knowing he was here the better. Maybe the 'escape into the woods' plan was still on the table. Then he wouldn't have to ruin anyone's trip.
The chatter picked back up again but Felix couldn't pay attention to any of it. His thoughts kept circling back to the face burned into his memory. The one he had seen crying so many times, caused by him so many times. A twinge of guilt stabbed through his heart each time he thought about it, but he couldn't stop. Just like then.
This was stupid. A stupid, terrible, dumb idea. He should've just put his foot down and said no, he wouldn't go on this damn excuse of a trip. He could've put up with whatever punishment his parent's deemed necessary. It would've surely been better than this torture.
Scenes kept playing unprompted in his mind. How Emily and him met. The way they were both loners and outcasts that sat separately from everyone else in class. The way that commonality made it easy for them to hang out. The two losers that no one else picked as a partner for a class project. The two freaks no one sat next to at lunch, leaving a mostly empty table for the other to easily take a seat at. The two socially awkward weirdos who understood each other in a way no one else could.
And how Felix ruined it. It was a passing comment. Something that should've meant nothing. Just another bully trying to get under his skin because he was quiet and to them quiet meant weak.
He didn't remember what lead up to it, but he still remembered the exact words they said, in the exact mocking cadence they were spoken in. 'Go back to your freak of a girlfriend, emo boy.'
It should've meant nothing. Just another empty insult directed at two normal friends that came from a place of insecurity or jealousy. It should've been something he could brush off with a laugh and a smile like he always did. But something about the words and how they outright assumed something that wasn't true, it made something snap inside him. He had gotten too close. Close enough that others were seeing openings for psychological attacks where there shouldn't be any.
He remembered how he lashed out. Not at the bullies, but at her. He began to publicly insult her where others could hear. He pulled pranks that became more and more targeted towards her insecurities. She was already clumsy, but he started doing small—almost imperceptable—things that made her look worse. He casually stuck his leg out the second she walked passed him and tripped her up. He carefully adjusted the placement of her things when she wasn't looking so she would knock them over. He 'accidentally' ran into her, causing them both to drop their books all over the floor so he could insult her stupidity and 'borrow' an important textbook she needed for her next class.
He started spreading around that nickname. EMT. And when she confronted him about it he said it was because 'he always thought of an ambulance when he saw her'. A thinly veiled insult at all the bruises, scrapes, and bandages he had a hand in causing her to have.
She seemed oblivious to it all. Seemed to dismiss just how harsh and mean he was becoming to her little by little. She gaslit herself that it was just misunderstandings and accidents. And then when she was at her lowest he-
"Can I sit here?" a new voice asked, shaking Felix from his thoughts.
His head snapped around, reassessing his environment. The van had stopped again. They were outside a hostel in the shady part of town. The kind of building for the outcasts among outcasts. Delinquents who couldn't keep a job. Undesirable children that parents kicked out onto the streets the second they became adults themselves. The people that others pretended didn't exist because it was easier than helping them.
And then there was the short woman stood in front of him, tired blue eyes flicking between him and the seat at the opposite window as the silence grew awkward. Her clothes were scruffy and torn in some places. Felix thought he saw the faint remnant of a stubborn stain. She held onto the strap of the blue, red, and yellow bag that was slung across her shoulder with a tight grip betraying her nerves at such a simple interaction. The bag was just as worn as her clothes, the cartoon clown on the front fading and bleached by the sun. Her hair was greasy and pulled up into two large buns that reminded him of those pom-pom balls that cheerleaders used.
She was cute. In a messy dog kind of way. An unwelcome feeling ran up his spine as he noticed the small details in her outfit. The kind that made it look less ragged and more like something loved so much it couldn't be thrown away. She wore it well. It wasn't a feeling of interest or concern. It was something that rooted far deeper within his subconscious. Something he refused to acknowledge.
Felix shrugged and turned back to look out the window. "I don't care."
Blunt, direct, and off-putting.
Yet he watched as out of the corner of his eye she just shrugged and took the seat she was eyeing. Great. Another one who couldn't read between the lines he so clearly laid out. But she didn't say anything more. She didn't look at him. She just stared out the opposite window minding her own business, hands still tightly gripping her bag as if she was afraid someone was going to take it when she wasn't looking.
Felix sighed and closed his eyes again as the van lurched to motion.
—
The journey north was long, loud, and stuffy. They stopped a couple of times to let people stretch their legs and go to the restroom, but for the most part it was a straight shot towards their destination along crowded motorways surrounded by endless fields.
Much to Felix's annoyance, the others never seemed to run out of things to talk about.
"Oh wow, the weather is lovely."
"I hope we get to hike up a mountain."
"Did you know bees make bread out of pollen?"
"Look at all the sheep!"
"Did you see that new show that came out?"
It was exhausting, but thankfully pom-pom hair didn't try to start up a conversation with him. She was just staring out of the window, headphones in her ears, looking almost as uncomfortable as he felt.
Felix had tried to avoid interacting with anyone. He got off last at the stops, kept his hood up to hide his face from one person in particular, and generally just made himself as undesirable to approach as possible. Not that that stopped people from trying.
Liquorice hair kept trying to initiate casual conversation, not seeming to take the hint from his blunt responses and dismissal of questions. Though it was kinda fun to mess with her.
During their last stop Felix had decided to just stay in the van. He didn't feel the need to stretch his legs despite how cramped they were against the seat in front of him. He just wanted everyone else to forget that he was there. Unfortunately some of them seemed more observant than others.
His eyes snapped open as he heard someone boarding the van. It was the cool girl with afro hair. She caught his gaze and walked over casually, leaning against one of the chairs in the row in front of him.
"So what's your deal mister tall, dark, and broody?" she asked with a smirk. Her voice was soft but clear with perfect annunciation.
Felix rolled his eyes. "I'm not broody."
She laughed in response. "Sure, that's why you've not spoken to anyone and hid in the corner of the café instead of coming up to the group like a normal person."
He plastered on his fakest smile and looked out the window, suddenly finding the nearby motorway to be the most interesting thing in the world. "I'm just waiting to make my grand entrance."
She snorted. "Yeah you seem like the theatrical type."
"I'll have you know I am a fantastic actor."
"I don't doubt it, pound store slenderman," she replied with a wink.
Felix barked out a laugh. "That's a new one. Rich coming from the swiss army frog."
"Pfft, what does that even mean?" she chortled.
"It means you're wearing green-rimmed sunglasses in a van with tinted windows and have enough metal on your face that I could pick you up with a magnet."
She broke into a laughing fit.
The front of the van dipped slightly as buzz cut boarded. He was walking backwards addressing the group outside who must have finished their break. "Alright people, let's get moving! I wanna make it there before sundown, vámanos!"
Cool frog girl looked over her shoulder and smiled. She turned back and gave Felix a two-fingered salute. "You're not so bad slendy, see you around."
Felix froze. She didn't seem to notice as she walked back to her seat and started chatting with buzz cut as he started the vehicle back up.
Fuck. He let his guard down and now someone had an excuse to try and talk to him again. He groaned into his hands and covered his eyes.
"You uh... you gooood?" asked pom-pom hair as she sat back down in her seat on his row.
He peaked out between his fingers. She wasn't quite looking at him for some reason, her gaze falling slightly past him in a way most people wouldn't notice. An awkward silence fell between them and she looked like she regretted asking. Good.
—
The sun was just beginning to go down as they arrived at the campsite, the sky tinting into that orange gradient that signalled the beginning of dusk. The van had long since left the motorway and was travelling down winding back-roads between forests and mountains.
A cascade of 'Whoa's rippled throughout the van as the bending streets opened up to a clearing in the centre of a valley between the towering mountain range. Two big top tents surrounded a building that looked small in comparison but was about the size of a house. Both tents had white stripes but one was red and the other blue, and they were both tipped with intricate ornaments that could've crushed the van if they fell. The red one was topped with a golden sun, juxtaposed by a silver moon on the blue tent.
As they grew closer it became clear that the building had been refurbished many times. What once was likely an old brick schoolhouse had extensions and alterations to keep up with the modern times. An antenna bolted to the roof, small windows and ventilation systems surrounded by lighter shades of brick, a large concrete extension sticking out towards the road, and fresh grout between cracked mortar stained by dirt over time.
A small lake stretched out to the east where a waterfall cascaded down from the mountains, whilst to the west was a small park that had some sports equipment set up next to a wooden shed.
Buzz cut pulled into the gravel car park out front of the building where two cars already sat parked next to each other, a blue Ford and a red Honda. He parked with little care for leaving space for others, which made sense Felix supposed, there was more than enough room if any other cars showed up.
"Perfect timing," laughed buzz cut as the group funnelled out of the van.
Everyone else seemed too awestruck to talk as they looked over the extravagant campsite. The air was crisp and Felix swore it was the freshest air he had ever breathed, much better than that stuffy city air.
The wooden double doors leading into the building swung open suddenly and a short man burst through them dramatically.
"Hello my delightfully punctual campers! My name is Caine and welcome to Camp Amazing!" he announced with a smile that stretched to his ears.