Chapter Text
Aaron died in his dream last night. It wasn’t like a violent dream where he got hit by a lorry, or that he got shot by a bumbling psycho. That would’ve made it a nightmare, and it wasn’t a nightmare.
In it, he was with Liv, funnily enough, lazing away an afternoon. Feet stretched out and laying down on the living room table as the latest cheesy Marvel movie that she picked filled the silence that seemed to have encaptured the room. Laughing at dry comedy as comic book characters bumped around with each other. Every now and then, his eyes would wander to where Liv was sitting, taking in her clothes, the state of her hair, the really subtle crow’s feet that you’d only see when she smiles, reminding him that she wasn’t as young as when she first came to his life.
“H-how’s college?” he uttered to the room, unsure of what the atmosphere even is.
Liv smiled. “That’s not what you want to ask”
She knew him so well. He opened his mouth to ask the question he’s been dying to know the answer to but the telly turned static, before a line from the show they were watching bleared out
~What is grief, if not love persevering?~
It was just… too familiar to be a part of the dream. A memory, maybe.
He didn’t even get to ask his question, as when he turned back to Liv, she wasn’t there, replaced by the clanking sound of the soles of her shoes climbing up the spiral staircase.
That’s when he died. Not from the bottom of the bottle, from the end of a knife, nor from the impact of a bullet.
He died when she left.
There are some dreams that when you’re in them, you can’t tell if you are, like having a cup of coffee between mates or some other mundane scenario that’s indistinguishable from when you’re awake. Last night’s dream wasn’t one of them.
But then you ask, Aaron, spending an afternoon with Liv in front of the telly seemed mundane enough, how can you tell?
Then he’d answer you with a laugh and a closed shaking fist inside his pocket.
“How are you here?” That’s what he wanted to ask.
He knew, he knew the moment he entered that godforsaken dream, not because the couch is a little askew, or that the colour of the walls was a tad too dark. It was because she was there, that was the tell.
Because Liv is dead.
She died a year ago
And it meant that there would never be another mundane afternoon spent lazing in front of the telly with Liv again.
The air was thick with flying particles of dust, making him cough every few minutes. It wasn’t completely dark, there were small slivers of light shining from the outside of the room, so it was morning then. Aaron had been abducted enough to know not to panic.
The last thing he remembered was escaping from an abduction just like this one, those gang pricks at Italy accusing him of stealing the money he was completely entitled to. Though, the warehouse they used was much bigger than the one he was currently at.
There’s a ring of red and aching skin around his wrist from the constant moving contact to the rough sisal that held them tight so much so that even a little movement was enough to make him hiss in pain.
Cain and Caleb kept him there for days, endless questions and useless advice all with the message telling him not to go back to italy.
They can’t stop him, not really. He could pummel their faces if he wanted to, put dents in their heads just to stop them going on and on about how this wasn’t what Liv would’ve wanted for him. What do they know?
Nothing, that’s what. He took only what those mafia-wannabe idiots from Italy owed him, he’d done them enough favors for the money. Yet here Cain Dingle appointed himself as his unneeded savior.
They locked the door again, every slam of his fist on it only brought more irritation from his wrists. The next time they opened the door, he was faced with the last person he wanted to see.
–“No. Come on, what am I? A trollop? tramp, whore, liar, cheat? Let’s just reel off all the cliches” His mum argued, sitting there with the same poise and posture as before, not looking small even when apologizing.
“If the cup fits”
“What about human?” She got into this… tone, one that tells Aaron that she’s about to lecture him too, like she was about to spring to him this whole spiel. Paragraphs of paragraphs of excuses that he knows will be a bunch of rubbish.
And Aaron just… he couldn’t take it.
“Alright, how about a horrible mother?!” He shouted. “How about the worst mother I’ve ever seen?” Chas recoiled into herself and as messed up as it was, it gave him a tiny bit of satisfaction.
“Oh poor Chas, eh? She's finally found a bloke she's happy with, guess it's time to find a new one!
B-but that's alright isn't it? Cuz nothing’s ever her fault. It-it’s not her fault she abandoned her kid with an abuser, not her fault she cheated on every bloke she's ever been with even if it meant choosing her kids over them!”
He watched as a bead of tear formed in her eyes, watched as that bead flowed downwards till it gathered in her chin and dropped down.
“But Liv… being out in that storm” Aaron exhaled. “That's all you, and this time… take accountability”
It wasn’t enough though, not enough to stop her from banging on with her excuses, how she wasn’t happy, how her life didn’t feel like her own, as if breaking up with someone was harder than starting and hiding a whole affair. “Things are actually getting better around here, Cain is out of prison, Paddy’s mental health is better now”
So fuck Aaron then, for coming back, for ruining everyones healing journey, for being such an inconvenience on Chas’s guilt. It’s not like he wanted to return here, if it was up to him, he’d have never stepped back in this sodding village at all.
“I could’ve healed too, but you pushed me away, you shipped me off to Italy to be with that scumbag Al, who you loved, by the way, who you chose over everyone, including me”
°~°~°~°
They kidnapped her, Chas that is. Made her ransom for the money, Aaron's money. He got Vinny to release him from that god awful room and he rushed to their meeting place, he'd be a mug to let his hard earned money go to waste.
Little Baldy's torso slammed into the bumper of Caleb's car, his body rolling over with a grunt as Aaron pressed harder on the pedal. The bloke crawled over to get out of the way, one hand clutching the area of impact.
He got out of the car. “D’you think you can take what’s mine, yeah?”
“What- what is yours?”
Then he rushed to the other gang clown, taking him down with one hit to the jaw, the bloke folding down like cardboard at the gravel. He waved his hand in the air frantically, gaze shifting to the bag of cash Caleb and Cain took from him as ransom. “This”
There was a moment where his and Chas’ eyes met, her small frame bound by the bigger man holding her, face painted with a mix of panic and shock, and as much as he wanted to feel anything, anything but hate when he looked at her, there wasn't anything but.
If it wasn't for the threat that Eve would get kidnapped by the mafia too, Aaron would've left Chas there, but he couldn't risk it.
He'd get his money back, one way or another.
The car soared past the village sign, the crisp yet fresh air of the countryside was refreshing yet painful, every other lungful of it came with a whip of memories that burned him from inside out.
He got there just in time to see Cain coming out of the pub, probably after another Dingle meeting about him. They’d talk in the usual judgy tone they use, acting like they care when all it was is if you’re somehow beneficial to their stupid fucking family and their stupid code.
Fuck the Dingles. Aaron had had enough of them, they’re a bunch of hypocrites.
Just as Cain was about to key his car open, Aaron shoved him forward, the older bloke slamming towards the car with a grunt, falling down on the gravel. “That was a mistake, not gone after all then are ya?”
“A genius you are”
“Well if you are staying” The older man grunting as he sacked his body parts one after another. “You need to get over what’s making you act like this”
“And you need to stay out of my life!” Aaron walked over, squaring up to Cain. “I don’t care about her, I didn’t come to that meeting place for her, I came there for my money”
Cain coughed. “Your money’s gone”
He nodded. “I know that, don’t worry, I’ll make that back myself. I only backed down today cuz you used your trump card, Think about your sister Do you ever think about yours?! What does does?! Who she hurts?!” Aaron stepped forward. “That is the last time you’ll ever tell me what to do. It’s true, last year did change everyone, do you know who I am? I’m someone who will end you if you ever get in my way again” He wound his arm up for a punch and the older bloke flinched. Aaron scoffed a laugh.
There was a strong brewing want for him to use his fist on something, someone. Aaron got in Caleb’s car and drove off.
~
The sound of gravel scrunching stopped as he got out of the car, the stench of rust and old hard commodities sparking familiarity.
He'd have to sleep there for the night, not like Vinny actually kept the mill, he went ahead and sold it. Severing the other root that’s keeping him there.
Aaron loved that place, he loved every bit of it. It was the second best thing that came out of what he went through with Gordon. First, Liv, then their home.
It was just… it was too painful to live there after she passed, every piece of furniture seemed to scream at him to remember everything he was trying to bottle up. even to look at it from the outside would flood his head with memories and would surely drown him in another migraine.
In every other situation, he'd have decked Vinny up for selling the place Aaron entrusted him.
But not this time. Aaron thought maybe it was just as painful for Vinny to live there, that maybe… Vinny understood why he had to leave.
He'll get that flat from Caleb though, he didn't give that one to Vinny, and he's not even sure Liv ever stepped inside the place. He would have to cope with looking at it from the outside and coming in knowing she wasn’t there to greet him, that she would never be there to greet him ever again.
So he would take it back, Caleb owed him for interfering with Aaron's life.
~
The door to the porta cabin swung open and a blinding light snatched Aaron out of his sleep, he hurried up and blocked it with his forearm and his hand, god can’t a bloke get a proper warning around here.
A small shaky voice greeted him. “A-aaron?” He sighed. Vinny.
“You slept here? I thought you’d gone” There was a dash of disappointment in Vinny’s voice, but it was too early and he decided to just brush it off. “What’s going on with ya?”
Aaron turned away from the light. “Not in the mood for a million questions”
“Well come by the house, have a proper bed and a shower”
“Just go away Vinny” He pulled a blanket over his face.
The lad fussed with his keys. “I know that it’s a difficult day, you just need your family around you”
Is he winding Aaron up? There’s no way Chas and Cain hadn’t blabbed to the rest of the Dingles what happened yesterday. Aaron snatched the blanket off, looking at Vinny in a way that said if you don’t get out of my face now I swear—.
The lad scrammed quickly after that.
He was lucky that there was a bit of a fog that early morning, it meant that the villagers were less likely to spot him walking down the main street. It’s been a year since he left, yet there seemed to be no changes at all, the shops, the cottages, they all still looked the same. His feet stopped in front of Keeper’s, wondering how Vic is, other than Liv and Eve, she was the closest thing Aaron had for a sister.
There was a gurgling sound from his stomach, reminding of the last time he had a meal, it must have been days, but he doesn’t feel weak at all.
It was like that in Italy too, he would go a full day of not eating, not because he refused to, he just forgot.
He glanced at the cafe next to Keeper’s, Nichola setting down chairs, not paying attention to people near, there was that gurgling sound again. He patted down the pockets of his jeans, all of them seemed flat and empty. Then he remembered that all of his money was in that bag.
Aaron should’ve taken some before giving it back to Cain.
Fuck.
He rounded up to the back of the woolpack and checked the door.
The backdoor of the pub was unlocked so he just came in, He figured that there must be some money from the till. There wasn’t any. Aaron planned to get out of there unnoticed when Paddy came in.
He dashed to the stairs, hoping no one would get out of their rooms, the last thing he wanted was for Eve to see him with all these bruises on his face. He came down when Paddy closed the door to the backroom.
Just as his hand grasped the knob of the backdoor, he heard Paddy speak. “I heard he’s back… what’s happened? What has he done?”
Because It’s always him that does something isn’t it? Rushing to the other side of the hall, Aaron pressed his ear to the door of the backroom.
“Yesterday was a nightmare, he was- he was vile” Chas said with a wavering voice.
Aaron bit his lip. “I don't think I've ever seen him this bad” he started tasting iron then, he eased the pressure on his lip.
There was a chair being pulled and the sound of someone sitting. “What can I do?”
“Nothing, probably gone now anyway”
“Without even saying hello?” Paddy asked.
“Well, believe me, you'll be glad he didn't”
A moment passed between them, and Aaron was gonna leave but then Paddy spoke again. “I'm not having it, he's upset ya”
He wanted to scoff. She's upset? They dragged him back here and lost him his money and she's the one that's upset?
“Someone needs to get through to him, h-he needs telling” Paddy declared, and Aaron should've known better than to think Paddy would side with him, after all, this woman cheated on him again and again and he's still gagging for it. He's just as bad as the rest of those lot.
Aaron left as quietly as possible.
The feeling of his stomach acid tearing into his body from the inside out didn’t have that much appeal to him then so he decided to have a brekkie at the cafe at the expense of Cain. Nichola fussing about how this wasn’t a pub so you can’t have a tab.
It was a minute later when Paddy found him, sitting at the chair opposite of him.
“Been looking all over for ya” Aaron kept tapping on his phone, he needed to get his contacts in Italy sorted for when he came back.
“So… I heard you were back” He nods. “Should've popped around last night” Another nod.
“Why?” He asked.
“Cuz I missed ya” Miss him enough to know he needs telling?
“Did you miss me?” Aaron shrugged.
“H-how’s things?” Another shrug.
“Don’t do that” Paddy shook his head “Pretend it doesn’t affect ya, we all know how much you loved her”
Aaron shrugged it off, sniffling. He knows it’s coming, he could feel it, how Paddy’s breath became short and nervous.
“Aaron, I know what it’s like to be in a bleak place” And there it was, another person, another lecture, another attempt to undermine this… pit in his soul. Oh Aaron, everyone’s changed, get over it, this isn’t what Liv would’ve wanted. Everyone had their time to heal, their time to grieve and they did it in their own way, why couldn’t they just leave him to do the same? He was tired of it, no he was fed up.
“I came close to doing something that there’s no coming back from” Paddy whispered.
“Oh yeah, I heard about that, you tryna top yourself” Paddy nodded but stopped when Aaron said the next thing. “Also heard you didn’t have the guts to go through with it”
“Pathetic, Paddy. Couldn't even hack it, maybe you should've gone through with it, done us all a favour”
Paddy looked gobsmacked. “You of all people know you shouldn't say that”
Eyebrows raised in intrigue, Aaron questioned him. “If you're talking about me topping me self that's not the same, I was actually being serious”
“But you were saved… with your family around ya” right, fucking family, he thought.
“And we're still here for you, especially me. Always”
Aaron scoffed. “Here for me? The mere fact that you tried to top yourself means you weren't there for me or Eve. So why don't you just cut the crap and do one” Nichola came just in time with his food
and gave him an excuse to ignore Paddy overall. The first sign of food for fuck knows how long was euphoric, so much so that he didn't notice when Paddy had gotten out of his seat.
June 2014.
Of all the evil and horrible things that Robert had done, it seemed rather ironic that the thing that would finally get him in the nick was protecting his sister.
What would Jack think of him now eh? He's got a lovely wife, and a stepson who he cared about (however odd he may be) a family man. He lives in the big house on the hill, building bridges by trying to help Andy out with the farm whilst helping manage homefarm.
A normal person would've thought their parents would be proud of them, not Robert though. Because as he sat there on that cold seat waiting for his wife’s visit, he could only think about how his father would've been so ashamed.
Chrissie is devastated. The only reason she even decided to move up north was because she wanted to settle down with him, but there went Robert ruining everything again. He perked up at the sight of her wife walking towards him.
She did look lovely though, regal and refined as always. If he wasn't so observant he wouldn't have noticed how the eyeliner on her left eye looked a bit skewed or how she wore her kitten heels instead of stilettos. She was struggling.
“Chrissie” It was like a prayer, a plea even.
The woman plomped herself down on the hard plastic seat, shifting uncomfortably before looking around. He recognized that little glint in her eyes as she looked around, the one she gives to people that are beneath her. You’d think that with her almost tenth visit to him so far that she’d get used to it. But no.
“Chrissie?”
~
There was a stinging feeling on his left leg every time he took a step, like the static you feel when you get a dead leg minus the numbness. It made the journey more difficult than it had to be.
He walked this road for ages before, when he spent his school money buying whatever junk teenagers enjoyed then at Hotten. He couldn't remember it now, but he did remember walking this road.
Of course he could've just taken a taxi and made it home an hour ago, but he was too vain to go home with the same clothes he entered that place with.
The guard actually looked pleased when he handed Robert his old clothes, almost nine years stuck in a file with the rest of his belongings and they still looked expensive.
He thumbed the material between his hands, after all that time spent wearing low quality prison jumpers, the material couldn't even compare. They were almost luxurious, too luxurious. Something told him his polyester-loving skin would break out into hives with just a graze.
They were also too small, the shirt barely made it to the middle of his forearms, too short and too tight.
He couldn't be caught wearing them.
So with the money he was given after being released coupled with the ones he got after selling the old suit, Robert bought himself a pair of jeans that suited him, a jumper that looked like they'd last him years and hiking boots that costed him an arm and a leg, since when did clothes from Hotten get this expensive? Either way, they looked sturdy enough.
He just wished he saved enough for a cab ride.
So there Robert was, walking down the country road to a place that seemed like a familiar stranger, his knees screaming to take a break every couple of meters.
There were cars from time to time, buses too, but he spent the last remaining quid he had at a burger joint in Hotten.
He could hitch hike, get this misery all over with, but who would give a ride to an ex-con?
Robert sighed then took a break, gently rubbing and squeezing his left leg.
It was a struggle, trying not to think of how broken his body was, how broken everything was, he gets a couple of seconds every time he wakes up where he thinks everything is fine, before his body starts screaming and reminding him of everything that's wrong.
Fuck. There wasn't enough time to mope around. He needed to get to the village and see Vic.
~
By the time he reached the village sign, he was covered in a thin layer of sweat and dust and it felt like his left knee cap was about to fall off. The constant throbbing pain that's running down his leg was unbearable and he couldn't help but groan slightly every time he took a step with it.
He took a small break when he reached the bus stop, panting to himself. God, hope Vic's got some cans in her fridge.
He pulled himself up when the pain subsided enough that he could start walking again. There was a bus going from his left, it was far enough that he didn't need to rush to cross the road, but it was overtaken by a grey vehicle zooming so fast and unexpectedly, it was heading right towards his body. It was near him by the time he turned. His reflexes kicked in and Robert threw himself on the other lane, landing on his left leg, chest and palms.
He let out a scream, pain exploding from his leg. “Gah!”
Both drivers seemed indifferent though, the grey vehicle turning towards the main street, the pillock passed without helping him get up. Not that he could get up, he stayed down till he was sure his leg wouldn't give out when he tried to stand up.
Must not have seen the memo where it said they're turning this road into an F1 track.
~
The thing is… he should have probably told Vic he was getting out instead of hiding it and trying to do a surprise.
He had been standing out of Keeper's for about ten minutes when it finally dawned on him that maybe Vic wasn't home. There was also a pit in his chest that deepened every minute he was standing there at the thought that maybe Vic had moved out of Emmerdale and just hadn't told him.
Damnit.
As he looked around the village, Robert realized that the people he knew from the village became even fewer than the last time he came back.
Well, sure the last time he came back, the biggest addition to the village were the bartons. But now, there were people, families that he knew nothing of.
Robert sighed, sitting down at the bench in front of Keeper's. He's gonna have to wait there till Vic comes back, if she comes back at all.
“Robert? Robert Sugde- Oh don't try to hide from me now!” That's one thing that didn't change though, the remaining people that he did know were still as nosy as ever.
He'd recognize that voice from a mile away.
“Bernice”
~
Other than Vic’s still probably at work, he pretty much tuned out the things his half step sister was saying, not because he wasn't interested or anything, he was glad to see her, it sucked that Diane moved away from the village but Bernice still being here reminded him of that side of his family.
Truth be told, it was sad, the fact that he had a lot of family when he went inside, but now it was just Vic and him, and Bernice.
“We can wait in the pub if you want, you could probably use a pint” Bernice offered and he nodded.
He let Bernice walk in front of him leading him there so she wouldn't see the limp in his walk.
Robert couldn't help it, darting his eyes to where Jack's picture frame was hung up, letting out a sigh when the picture was still there. There would probably still be a picture of him upstairs if Diane still owned half of it, there's no chance for that now.
Both him and Bernice stilled when they turned to see five sets of eyes staring at them, he recognized Moira barton and two of the Dingles, Chastity and Cain, both of them looked older, meaner too. Must be a Dingle function, he thought.
“I- is it a private party? There's no sign” Bernice asked and he noticed a picture frame of an old woman in the middle of a table that they were surrounding, commemorating someone then.
“Yeah, family only” Cain dismissed them, Robert huffed a small laugh classic Dingles before turning around.
“Robert Sugden?” his hands were just about to turn the knob of the door when he heard his name.
He looked back to see Chas with a perplexed look, like she couldn't decide if she wanted to look happy or annoyed that he's out.
“We don't want any trouble” Bernice put her arms up. “Vic isn't home yet and I said I'd treat Robert to a pint”
Chas hummed, then pointed two tables from the one they were toasting at.
He hid his limp as he walked towards it, not meeting any of their eyes.
Chas rounded the bar and pulled them two pints.
“Did you hear… about Katie?” She asked, Cain looked intrigued while the older bloke without a clue.
He nodded. “Yeah, Vic told me. I'm sorry” Fuck, he was trying not to think about all of it, but here goes Chastity reminding him.
She nodded, setting down two pints at their table. “On the house” Cain nodded too.
That first taste of an actually decent pint was… fucking euphoric, his eyes almost rolled to the back of his head on how good it was. He hummed, seeing Bernice smiling from her seat. “That good eh?” She asked. Robert nodded.
Chas returned back to their table and went back to setting their bottles.
The younger bloke next to the one with grey hair pulled a glass off the table. “Are you sure it's okay for us to be here? We didn't even know faith”
Chas laughed, “Well, that's her fault, not yours. Anyways, she's still your gran!”
He couldn't figure out how two of the men fit in the whole Dingle dynamic, he's never seen them before, has he? Maybe he has and there's just so many Dingles he couldn't keep track.
“I wish we did know her though” the younger bloke regarded.
“She'd have loved ya” Chas said. “Come on then, lift your glasses” and they did. “To mum”
Ah, Faith must have been Shadrach’s bird.
The bell on the door of the pub rang and a bloke with short hair, a stubble and bruises crawling at the right side of his face walked over to the party. “To mum? Wow, thanks for the invite”
Chas grimaced. “I knew you couldn't leave”
The man didn't stop though, “don't look so disappointed, I'm just here to get some cash” He rounded the bar and started pulling out bills, Cain trailed behind him. “What do you think you're doing?”
“Going deaf in your old age? I just said I'm here to get some cash, you owe me” He counted the bills in his hand, taking more before turning around and facing Cain.
“This is getting boring now,” said the older bloke.
Chas sighed. “Leave it Cain! You know what? Just take it, take all of it”
The thug smiled then pocketed his money, bumping Cain's shoulder as he moved.
Someone who could stand up to Cain like that? Intriguing Robert thought.
The thug pointed at the younger bloke from before. “New addition to the family?” He laughed. “Want some advice? Don't be a part of it”
The younger bloke’s eyebrows burrowed but looked too scared to do anything.
“And you” The thug pointed at him and Chas looked panicked. “Aaron just leave it!”
So his name is Aaron then, from his name, Robert guessed that he's another Dingle.
“Why? Is he the new bloke you've sunk your claws into? Mind you he looks desperate enough” The nice taste of the pint in his mouth soured real quick. He looked up to see Chas holding Cain from lunging at Aaron.
Robert, ignoring the sharp throb of pain in his leg, shot up from his seat. “Robert don't!” Chas shouted.
Aaron laughed. “Oh this one's feisty, I reckon he's more of a scumbag than Al”
Can you ever have a pint in this sodding village without drama following you?
He clenched his fists, just about to speak when Bernice dragged him towards the door. “How about we just have our pints outside?”
“Good idea, I'll bring them out,” Chas replied.
What the fuck was he doing? He hasn't even been outside a day yet he's already getting into scraps? Fuck, Robert needed to get himself together.
~
Bernice sat him down on the table up front, his hands clenched tight as he tried to even his breathing. He was better than this, he spent eight years inside as a lesson on controlling his temper, he had to have been better than this.
“Are you alright? Should I just call Vic here?”
Robert shook his head. “I’m fine, a lot has changed around here you know?” Bernice nodded.
“I reckon you've changed yourself”
Robert looked up at her in confusion.
“The old Robert wouldn't let insults slide like that without having a couple of quips himself” he laughed at that. Yeah, the old him would've made the situation fifteen times worse. But you learn to just… take them, when you're inside.
“Will you get us another pint?” Bernice nodded, then entered the pub again.
She was just in there for a couple of seconds before the door slammed open and that thug Aaron rushed outside, looking back at him then smirked as he was walking away. Not a friendly smirk though, the pillock gave him a mocking smirk. What the fuck? He thought. What has he even done to that piece of shit? All he wanted was a damn pint.
Maybe Bernice was wrong, maybe he just spent eight years inside and fuck all happened.
He followed Aaron to his direction to give him a piece of Robert's mind.