Work Text:
It was when the cries turned into laughter, when the muffled voices became clear sounds, that Wu Suo Wei opened the tired eyes he had just closed, suddenly startled by the ringing bell in his classroom.
Taking a quick look around, he noticed that every student, almost frenetically, was either trying to pack all their books or trying to find a solution to avoid the heavy downpour that was invading the schoolyard. A light breeze filled his surroundings, almost theatrically brushing through his beautiful hazel brown hair. The wind followed the curve of his strands, meeting the paper of the posters that were once hung on the walls and now scattered across the floor.
The posters were falling like leaves from a tree. The front pages presented detailed black and red-tinted advertisements for the basketball match of the following week. Big, in bold, a quote from one of the greatest players could be seen:
- “What is love? Love is playing every game as if it's your last! – Michael Jordan”
The basketball team was well-known among schools; everybody was excited for it— Wu Suo Wei included—more by a love than by a court.
His glassy eyes, however, were completely captivated by the window next to his seat. The rain was intense, but a single ray of sunshine in the middle of all the dark clouds stood out. Quite scenic—didn't make any sense for a beautiful summer day, neither the rainfall nor the hollow emptiness in his heart.
Amidst the scraping doors caught by the wind, and the distant voices of the students, only the broken sound of his bestfriend's voice was able to shatter his daydreaming, pulling him out like a rope. It was then that he noticed he was the only one left in the room.
“Suowei, wake up! You know I can't wait for you every day now, Chengyu is very strict with my time since we go to different schools...” Jiang Xiaoshuai was not very patient. He couldn’t help but shake his best friend by the shoulders in an attempt to wake him up faster.
Wu Suo Wei should've been surprised, confused at least, but all the emotions had been suppressed by something he couldn't even name. Something that was momentarily soothed, funnily enough, by the storm.
“Come on!” The boy prompted. Xiaoshuai was sure he was messing with him; Suo Wei had always been someone sensitive to noise. He once saw him wake up from a deep sleep simply because someone had walked too loudly near him. Shuai had never seen him pout so hard. Now, the guy in front of him looked soulless.
“Sorry Shuai... I was lost in thought─” Before Wu Suo Wei could finish his sentence, he was grabbed by the wrist and pulled.
“Whatever. GET UP!” The words came out harsher than he wanted, but he thought that being rough, at this particular moment, was the only way to get him out of his trance.
· · · ·
Completely dragged by Jiang Xiaoshuai, Suo Wei had no other choice but to comply. That 𝒘𝒂𝒔 the person he loved the most. They had met by chance while trying to ask each other for directions and soon enough found out they were both first-year students, sorted into the same class. Fate, some may say. Both stubborn, yet reliable.
As soon as they reached the entrance, Suo Wei was released and, lifting his head, he realized why. A tall figure stood there, ready to welcome with open arms the “traitor” who was running towards him.
“Chengyu!” A deafening squeal filled the space. Shuai was running towards the narrow gap in front of the door, stumbling over his own feet. His eyes held a deep sparkle, as if they had just seen their favorite painting hung on the wall of an exhibition.
“Easy. Don’t slip.” Chengyu was quick to draw him to his warm chest, hugging him tightly.
Suo Wei shot them a look of disgust. How could his dear friend betray him like that? So eager to abandon him to spend the day with who… an equally handsome and annoying guy? Truly a traitor. If it wasn't for his dull mood that day, he would've pushed them both into a puddle.
“Suo Wei, are you sure you're gonna be okay?” Shuai asked, evidently concerned.
“Yeah, sure, I have my umbrella. I'll be fine. Just make sure to text me all the notes you took today, thanks." He didn’t even care about them, they always got lost. But it was fine, Suo Wei was getting used to losing things.
“Alright! Bye Suo Wei!” The two lovers left the building, mumbling almost inaudible phrases to each other. Only the soft echo of them was quietly making its way behind Wu Suo Wei. Maybe the front hall’s walls were too hard.
While waving at them, he couldn't help but think of how much he would've found Chengyu bothersome if it wasn't for the fact that he got to eat the leftovers of the “exquisite dishes” (or whatever Shuai called them) prepared for his bestfriend.
Deep down, though, Wu Suo Wei was happy for them. Chengyu always made sure to give his all to keep Shuai happy. He could be an anchor for his boyfriend, always by his side, ready to hold him when he needed to. But he also made sure to remind Suo Wei that he could be there for him too, as a friend, of course. His life was on the line, threatened by a pair of glasses. He could be the kind of friend who stays behind you— leaving space and making sure you can breathe—but with a hand on your shoulder to remind you that he’s there, waiting for you, until you are ready to walk away.
It wasn't until no figures were visible from a distance that Wu Suo Wei reached for his bag, trying to find his umbrella with no success.
“Did I leave it behind..” he muttered to no one. The surrounding space was Empty. Still. Dark. Dead.
As soon as he turned to leave, he noticed a shadow standing by the entrance door, completely hypnotized by the two big and tired eyes staring at him, at his soul.
Chi Cheng emerged like a shadow. Suo Wei didn't hear a single step behind him. It was only when their gazes locked that he noticed he was there. His frame was tall but lean. He had broad shoulders, yet his body managed to appear quite delicate. The black suit he was wearing wrapped around him gracefully; it didn’t have any buttons or pockets, but a white tie neatly secured it at the top.
He had very pale skin, almost white, covered with some small purplish patches and a hint of red discoloration faintly visible on his neck and hands. Probably some bruises he got from playing. Blocking bodies in a gym and being under pressure all the time must’ve really stressed him out—or so Suo Wei thought.
Of course he knew who Chi Cheng was. The dreamer had been staring at him through the window near his seat for months now; watching him play basketball was one of the greatest pleasures that filled his infinitely boring days. The “hobby” he had picked up, however, slowly started turning into an obsession.
First, it was glances. Then came stares. Finally, his eyes started to melt into desire.
The week before he had actually thought, for a brief moment, that such feeling was mutual. Chi Cheng, while aiming for the courtyard's hoop, caught sight of Wu Suo Wei's eyes. Only for a heartbeat, but it kept lingering in his mind. It should've been a normal exchange, if not for the fact that the school had three floors, more than fifty classrooms, and one hundred windows. Too tricky to call it a coincidence.
Besides, the smile he had given Suo Wei before shooting didn't quite soothe the itch growing beneath his skin, aiming straight for his heart, guaranteed to make a basket.
“WU SUO WEI!”
The students jumped when the teacher yelled the name; he had been trying to get Suo Wei’s attention for minutes now, vainly. The boy was so absorbed by his emotions that everything else blurred in the background. All the voices behind him sounded muffled: some were completely muted by his mind, while others seemed distorted and pitched, like cries.
“YES, sorry..I'm sorry...” Wu Suo Wei could feel the heat burning his ears and painting his skin a rosy red.
Only after a brief scolding and some sympathetic looks, he realized that Chi Cheng might have seen the scene. Maybe he had heard the teacher yelling at him, or worse, maybe he had noticed how hard Suo Wei was blushing.
With a sharp glance back at the court, he realized Chi Cheng had long been gone, leaving behind a deep sense of longing in the other. The space looked abandoned now, no soul left; only a peaceful warmth lingered there, in complete contrast with the pain felt by the boy observing from his window.
The ghost of his smile remained imprinted in Wu Suo Wei's mind since then, making him wonder when and if he'd be able to see it again.
· · · ·
Now, the same obsession was standing right in front of him, reluctant even to move out of the way.
“Hi… would you mind moving so I can get past?” The awkwardness of his voice made him even more aware of the situation they were in. The same heat he had endured, days before, was now returning to him, making his skin prickle and his palms sweaty. The dull mood he had felt that morning appeared distant now.
Chi Cheng, on the other hand, looked like a stone sculpture. His body refused to shift at all.
A sudden surge of anxiety took over Suo Wei's mind, wondering if, perhaps, the smile he had clearly seen was just a hallucination. Swarms of negative thoughts now flooded his brain, each worse than the other. He was sure the guy hated him.
After several minutes of silence, all he could do was try to walk past him. His hands were starting to get irritated from all the persistent fidgeting he was doing, and, in any case, he knew he would never see him again.
Yet all the confidence he had instantly vanished when, the second he took a step forward, he heard Chi Cheng’s voice.
“I looked everywhere...your umbrella is not in any of those classes,” the statue said “I just came back from there...”
The silence that followed immediately after was deafening, haunting the atmosphere.
Wu Suo Wei froze on the spot, like he’d seen a ghost. The trembling that shook his body seconds before disappeared, leaving space for a stiff composure.
“Oh, really.. thank you.” Why was he even thanking him? Nobody told him to go and check for it, he should’ve just gone home instead of trying to be a hero and save Suo Wei from the cloudburst. Was he trying to get back at him by embarrassing him? Because he hated him? Who told him to smile at him like that…
The spell of his thoughts broke when he realized his steps had stopped just a few inches away from Chi Cheng, who had probably been staring at him for minutes now. The moment their eyes met, a familiar sensation settled in Suo Wei’s stomach: he had already lived this moment.
Before he could recall the déjà vu he was having, Chi Cheng grabbed him by the arm, shaking him out of his trance.
“Eek!” Suo Wei recoiled, unconsciously mumbling in a faint whisper “you could be a little more subtle with this whole hating me thing...”
“What?” Chi Cheng arched his right eyebrow with a puzzled expression. “WHAT!” his shriek filled the small porch, but at this point, Wu Suo Wei had given up on trying to look unbothered. How could he when the man in front of him was trying his best to drive him mad.
Without warning, Chi Cheng began to slowly close their distance, inch by inch, in an unhurried way that made the atmosphere feel uneasy. As a response, Suo Wei, with the same pace as the other one, began to retreat. He didn’t feel scared, on the contrary, his cheeks were still burning and his eyelids were fluttering, as if trying to hold back tears of frustration.
“Ouch!” Wu Suo Wei hit the back of his head on the main doorway. He tried to ease the pain by scratching the spot, but was caught off guard when he lifted his eyes and noticed Chi Cheng was towering over him. The height difference was striking. They had looked about the same before, compared to how Wu Suo Wei’s nose tip was almost touching Chi Cheng’s chin now.
The taller one carefully lifted his arm, placing his hand over the other’s and intertwining their fingers to bring them down to his side, all while maintaining contact.
“W-what are you doing?” The one pushed to the door was confused. They didn’t even know each other that well, so how could his touch feel so familiar, so haunting.
“What am I doing?” His reply sent a shiver down Suo Wei’s spine. The tone with which he said it was bone-chilling, but he wasn’t, couldn’t be the only strong one in the situation.
“I just asked you that.” The now damp fingers retreated in such a hurry that his legs almost lost balance and made him trip on his undone shoelaces. Once again, they held their gaze. One pair of darting eyes, shifting back and forth in search of an answer, needlessly met the other’s unmoving stare.
With a bit of reluctance, Wu Suo Wei thought of slipping away from a small gap under Chi Cheng’s shoulders, but was stopped before he could move when the taller one spoke.
“You’re trying to escape and ignore me again?” His voice had turned husky in the meantime, carrying a hint of irritation.
“W-what...? When did I do that?” Perplexity carried his face. “YOU were the one who smiled at me that time. YOU were the one who disappeared right after. And YOU are trying to meddle with things that don’t concern you. Nobody asked for your help.” Tears were starting to fall at this point, mirroring the rain. “Now move so I can get home before the rain becomes heavier.” He didn’t mean to be so harsh, Chi Cheng wasn’t at fault here—nobody was—life could be so unfair sometimes.
“Are you done?” His calmness made Suo Wei’s stomach twist and throat tighten. He forced himself to respond, aware of the fact that it was too late to suppress his feelings now.
“So what…” His sobs were painfully loud. “are you saying I can’t even scold you a little now?” His breaths, unstable. “Why are you doing this to me? Don’t you feel the same way? Don’t YOU care about ME as well?” Why was he acting like they knew each other. “H-how can you act like this when I’m showing you my heart and placing it in your hands.” The lump in his throat was still there, fighting his raw and piercing scream. “I hate you. I really─” His words were cut off when two strong arms suddenly wrapped around his body with such force that both drew back and walked through the entrance door. Now they were standing there—rain falling on them—but nothing else mattered.
All the wet sounds of water in the background were filtered and replaced with the rhythmic thump of a heartbeat. It felt like Wu Suo Wei’s heart was physically trying to escape his ribcage and break free from a prison of its own making. He had missed him so much.
· · · ·
“Stop being so stubborn.” Chi Cheng’s voice was so soft that it instantly soothed Suo Wei’s anger. He was so comfortable in his arms.
The gentle breath of those words brushed near Suo Wei’s red ears, making him shudder and painfully aware of how close they were. Despite that, he didn’t want to move. He couldn’t waste this chance. What if Chi Cheng ran away and left him all alone again? His poor heart would not have survived it.
The last words he heard were “I’m sorry, it must’ve been hard for you” before being released and catching a glimpse of Chi Cheng leaning in to seize his lips. The kiss melted him at first—all his senses zeroed in on where their mouths met, the tingling hot sensation of it catching Suo Wei off guard—but then his focus sharpened more than ever when he finally realized what that sentence meant.
He was the one running away—not the other way around, not like he had thought until now.
When reality, at last, settled in, everything became clear. His chest was tired. His mind was tired. When he began to shut his eyes, the last glimpse he caught was Chi Cheng crouching down to tie his shoes. Maybe he was worried that the rain could have made him slip, even at a moment like that.
Wu Suo Wei was directly looking down at Chi Cheng, towering over him, when a raindrop coincidentally fell on his eyelid—a fraction of a second before it closed—following the natural curve of the tear that was sliding down his cheek. The burning sensation of the two merged drops stopped once it reached his heart, hurting like a knife.
When he plucked up the courage to open his eyes, the man who was there just a few moments ago had vanished; in his place now stood something else: a marble grave. The distant laughter he had heard before, once more, cleared into crying noises.
Chi Cheng was dead. He had been for days at this point, but Suo Wei might have never accepted it so easily, not without a complete mental breakdown.
The trauma had shattered his memories, blending past events of their first days with their last, and adding some events that didn’t even happen. Maybe this was just a response to the great shock caused by sudden news—no one would’ve expected him to die so soon, so painfully, killed by a fatal brain stroke. Or perhaps, this was a chance given by the one only who truly understood him, his soulmate, who made sure Wu Suo Wei could express what he didn’t have the opportunity to before, and stop blaming himself for once.
In the quiet graveyard, everything was still. Only the light sound of falling leaves somehow filled the silence. The rainstorm had been in his mind all along.
Behind him, Jiang Xiaoshuai was still crying—his glasses had become foggy a while ago—and next to him there was Chengyu, who was holding him tight and patting the head that rested on his shoulder.
Shuai must’ve been so tired from dragging Wu Suo Wei to the burial place since he refused to get out of his bed at first. The only spark of comfort he felt that day was when he, once they both got there, spotted his husband waiting at the entrance, ready to welcome him with open arms.
The only “free” part of Chengyu was his right arm, which remained anchored to Wu Suo Wei’s shoulder to balance him and make sure he wouldn’t suddenly fall. Of course, he wasn’t totally indifferent to the situation. His friend had just died, but he needed to be strong for when Suo Wei would finally decide to walk away.
When the broken man in front of the dead lover finally raised his head, all the people came into his view: his classmates from highschool, who came even though the last time Wu Suo Wei had set foot into a school was more than 10 years before. Some were silent, some were crying. His teacher was also there, and maybe he had noticed something was wrong with Suo Wei because the man was yelling his name very loudly to try and catch his attention.
Then, to the left, were Chi Cheng’s parents. Both were visibly shaken and probably hadn’t been part of the illusion since Suo Wei had only met them after falling in love with Chi Cheng.
Ah─I’ll probably have to bring more flowers when I visit mom and dad since there’s one more grave now—Wu Suo Wei thought, while still looking at them.
Looking back at his man who, in this exact moment, would have probably still been nuzzling against him under the sheets if it weren’t for a fatality, his heart clenched once more. It’d probably take him years to forget about him, maybe decades, or maybe he would never be able to do so. In any case, right now, he was still his, and he was still suffering.
At least Suo Wei had the chance to see him one last time before the body would be buried; he had picked the suit himself, black was Chi Cheng’s favorite color, and the white tie at the top was meant to make his pale skin look more alive, or so he hoped.
The last act of love he performed was kissing the ring he had given to Chi Cheng when they promised to marry eachother. Unfortunately, it never had the chance to be fulfilled.
Wu Suo Wei crouched down to place it on the grave’s surface and closed his eyes to a bitter realization:
The memory of their first kiss clashed with the reality of their last.
· · · ·
The summer rain had filled his heart. Even after it ended, he knew Chi Cheng would still be at his side through countless days and nights. Loneliness would never walk beside him.