Chapter Text
“Ahem.”
John blinked and looked around the conference table. Adebayo and Emelia were both looking at him expectantly.
“Uh, yeah?”
“Sorry to bother you, John. I was just wondering if you’d like to pull your head out of your ass for a minute and join the meeting?” Em deadpanned, raising an eyebrow.
“Oh, sorry, just… distracted, I guess.” He shot another anxious look toward the door.
“Is everything all right?” Ads put her hand on his arm. “You’re acting really tense, even for you.”
He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Yeah, it’s just… Adrian and Sasha were apparently scheduled to spar today. I don’t understand why there has to be this stupid training schedule, anyway. Can’t Rip and Adrian just keep pounding on each other? Em, you and Sasha could train, right? You have more compatible fighting styles, anyway.”
“That’s the point,” Em explained, wearily. “We all need to train against each other. What good is it if Vigilante and Judomaster are experts at fighting each other, and then they need to face off against somebody that fights like I do? We need to stay flexible, physically and mentally.”
“Ah, fuck, I guess so,” John grumbled, doodling on the legal pad in front of him. “I just don’t like it, that’s all.”
“That reminds me, you’ve been dodging the training schedule for the past two months,” Em said, making a note in her pristine planner. “Right after this, you and me, in the gym.”
John cringed. “Can’t it wait? I don’t think I can do it today, my nerves are shot. I’d probably have a coronary.”
“What exactly are you worried about?” Ads asked, softly. “Do you think they’ll hit it off or something?”
John grimaced. “Ugh, no. I’m worried that one of them is going end up getting killed. There’s a lot of tension between them, and no, not the sexual kind,” he said, cutting Ads off. “They just hate each other, I’m pretty sure. They’re like oil and water, and Adrian’s not helping anything. He’s been extra-clingy lately, ever since Smith disapp-“ He stopped abruptly, and shot an apologetic look at Harcourt. “Fuck. Sorry.”
She gave him a tight smile. “Don’t worry about it. I know Chris is missing, you don’t have to tiptoe around it.”
“Yeah, yeah, sorry… Anyway, so Adrian’s been calling constantly, right? And I think it’s pissing Sasha off. Like, the other night, we were trying to have a date, and he called, oh, I think five times. Once was when we were… you know.” He blushed deeply.
“You can turn off the ringer, you know,” Em said, rolling her eyes.
“Okay, that’s what I told him!” John said, putting down his pen. “I said, ‘Adrian, I’m going to turn off my ringer,’ and he was like ‘why?” and so I was like, ‘this isn’t a good time’ and he was like ‘why tho?’ And I was like ‘dude, because I’m in the middle of foreplay.’ And he was like ‘oh yeah, with who?’ And I was like ‘with Sasha, dumbass.’ And then he was like ‘oh, sick,’ but he said it in that way that he does, you know, where he’s mad but he’s not gonna say he’s mad, and so I was like ‘you don’t sound like you think it’s very sick,’ and he was like ‘well, I do think it’s sick’ and I was like…”
“Wait, wait, wait a second.” Ads held her hands up in front of her, palms facing John. “Let me get this straight. You and Sasha were getting busy and you ANSWERED THE PHONE TO CHAT WITH ADRIAN?”
“Well, yeah,” John said, sheepishly. “I mean, what else was I supposed to do?”
“Let him go to voicemail!” Ads threw her hands over her head. “I mean, if I was getting lucky, especially with a gorgeous woman like SASHA BORDEAUX, I’d probably let him go to voicemail. Shit, I let him go to voicemail the other day, because I was eating ice cream and I was afraid he’d invite himself over to help me finish it!”
“Well, but, I mean, this is Adrian,” John furrowed his brow. “I mean, he’s my friend. And he’s having a tough time, and I care about him. What if he really needed to talk?”
“Did he?”
“Nooooo,” John got very interested in a spot on the carpet. “No, he wanted to talk about gulper eels. I mean, once I figured that out, I cut him off. I probably only talked to him for like fifteen minutes, max.”
“WHAT?” Ads shouted.
“Yeah, I mean, but what’s fifteen minutes for a friend, right? And gulper eels are super-interesting. But that’s not the point. What if he’d been having a crisis? Or what if the Sebring had broken down? What if his mom fell and broke her hip or something? It could have been anything. I couldn’t let him down like that.”
“Still and all,” Ads said, shaking her head.
“You don’t understand guy stuff. So yeah, anyway, Adrian’s super-jealous of Sasha, because of course he is, and Sasha’s getting sick of his shit. She’s really, like, I can tell something’s bothering her, right? And I think it’s him, I think it’s because he’s up my ass all the time. Figuratively,” he clarified. “I, ha, certainly don’t want to fuck Adrian! I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s really hot, but I don’t swing that way! I just, you know, have eyes and stuff. And we have a lot in common, much as I hate to say it, and I like hanging out with him. But that’s why we’re such good friends. Like, pretty much the closest friends can get, that’s us! Friends! That’s all. And anyway, that would be crazy, right? I’m already waaaay out of my league with Sasha, why would I want to jeopardize that? Hahaha, who would even think something like that, right? She’s so super-crazy-hot, and she likes me, and she’s so smart and capable and that’s so sexy… I really like her, and I, like, dude, I think maybe she’s the one, you know? So, like, I wouldn’t want to endanger that, that would be insane! I can’t believe you would even think that. Who would think that? Crazy.” He laughed uncomfortably.
“Of course not,” Em said, rubbing her temples like she was getting a headache. “Look, all your relationship drama is fascinating, but can we get back to work? I’d like to figure out where Chris went so that I can get back to my own relationship drama.”
“Oh, yeah, sorry, Em,” John frowned. “It’s just… you don’t think they’ll hurt each other too bad, do you?”
Her expression softened almost imperceptibly. “No, John. I think they’ll be fine. They’re professionals, remember?”