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The clock reads 03:30 in the morning and Shane is lightly bouncing on the birthing ball in their bedroom. He is breathing through a particularly painful contraction, they are still around 10 mins apart but lasting for around a minute. Ilya is kneeling behind him, massaging his lower back the way he was shown in their birthing class.
“yes he is having one now. Do you need your parents to come over” Ilya asks Shane, with Yuna on the other end of the phone.
Unable to talk through the contraction Shane simply shakes his head. As much as he loved his parents, he just wanted Ilya with him during his labour. He wanted this special moment just between themselves.
“not at the moment, but I will update you as things progress” Ilya says into the phone.
The contraction passes and Shane is able to take a full breath, his body can relax for the next few moments.
“Yes oke,I let him know. Ok love you too guys. Bye” Ilya ends the call.
“Your mum said to call if you need anything and they love you” Ilya moves around to kneel in front of Shane.
“Hey Moya Lyubov, what is going on in that pretty brain of yours” Ilya asks.
“I just can’t believe this is actually happening Ilya, that we are going to be holding our daughter soon. Our daughter” tears fill Shane’s eyes.
“I can’t believe it either Shane. Starting a family with you means everything to me. I love you both so much” Ilya leans in and kisses Shane.
“I love you so much Ilya” Shane goes to stand when he suddenly feels a pop, followed by the sensation of liquid running down his sweat pants. It doesn’t take long and his sweat pants are soaked through, the liquid keeps gushing.
“Ilya” Shane looks up at his husband terrified.
“Did your water just break” Ilya asks, heart racing in a mix of anxiety and anticipation as he takes in the situation.
“Yeah” is all he says as he clutches onto Ilya’s arm.
“Ok that’s good Shane. That means baby is getting ready to come da” Ilya tries to remain for the both of them.
Shane nods
“Let’s gets you changed, and then I’ll call the midwife and we can head to the hospital”
Ilya helps Shane change into a pair of black sweat pants and matching hoodie. It’s one of Shane’s favourite outfits to wear during his pregnancy, so Ilya knew it was a safe choice. Once he got himself and Shane ready, ilya quickly called Yuna and David to update them and then called their midwife who advised them to head into the hospital straight away.
“Ahhhh fuck” Shane braces against the dresser as another contraction hits him. This one was stronger than the previous ones.He feels it in his stomach and especially his lower back.
“Breathe Shane, it will pass soon. You’re doing so good” Ilya rubs his lower back in circular motions.
“Im scared Ilya” Shane says with tears filling his eyes
“Yes it’s scary, but you are brave. And I will be by your side the whole time Shane, you are not going through this alone oke” Ilya moves around in front of Shane and puts one hand on the bump, he brings the other up to caress Shane’s chin. He kisses his husband slow and tenderly, taking his time to soak up some of their last moments in their house, just the two of them.
“I’m going to take our bags to the car and then I’ll be back to help you. Let’s go meet our daughter”
“Okay” Shane says voice full of emotion
With that Ilya is running out of the bedroom, he grabs the baby bag, Shane’s bag, his bag and Shane’s pregnancy pillow. Years of carrying around bulky, heavy hockey equipment has prepared Ilya for this moment. Once everything is secured in the car he makes his way back to Shane.
“Moya lyubov, are you ready to go”
“Yeah”
“Oke hold onto me, we will go nice and slow”
They are just about to reach the car when Shane has another contraction. The pain has him holding onto Ilya’s arm with a vice like grip.
“Ahhh fuck, fuck this hurts” Shane hisses out
“You’re doing so good Shane”
“This doesn’t feel good Ilya, this fucking hurts” Shane bites back.
“It will pass soon. Just remember to breathe, like we did in birthing class” Ilya gently offers
Shane takes a moment to work through some breathing exercises as the contraction slowly starts to fade.
“Ok,I think I’m all good now” Shane unclenches his grip from Ilya’s arm
“Are you sure”
“Yeah, let’s go before another one comes”
Ilya does his best to help Shane get sorted in the car, the ride to Ottawa hospital isn’t very long. However he wants to make it as comfortable for his husband as possible. The Ottawa Hospital was an easy choice for Shane and Ilya when choosing were to have their baby. The selling point for Shane was the large home like birthing suites with attached bathrooms, he loved that the rooms didn’t feel as clinical as the other hospitals they had toured.
“How are you feeling”
“Uncomfortable. God my back hurts, please hurry Ilya” Shane keeps shuffling around trying to find a comfortable position.
“I’m going as fast as I can while still being safe”
“Don’t speed Ilya, you know I don’t like it”
“Moya lyubov you are giving me mixed messages. I am driving as safely as I can, I have very special cargo in car”
“Just drive Ilya please” Shane begs
Ilya pulls into the hospital car park as Shane has another contraction. He makes quick work of grabbing their bags from the backseat and then heading around to Shane.
“Can you walk in or do you want wheelchair” Ilya asks, helping Shane out of the car.
“I can walk” Shane says between breaths
Shane and Ilya slowly make their way into the hospital, and head to the maternity floor. Shane is taken up to the maternity triage room and hooked up to various hospital machines, including a fetal monitor, to be assessed by the on call triage nurse.
“Ok Shane your vitals are all good, the babies vitals are all in healthy range which is great. With all the symptoms you have described this morning and your internal examination showing you are at the end stages of early labour, we are going to admit you into the labour and delivery ward. Another nurse will be down shortly to take you up in a wheelchair. I know it can be overwhelming, especially for first time parents. Do you guys have any questions?” The nurse asks both Shane and Ilya.
“No, thank you” Shane replies
Once they make it to their birth suite, Ilya helps Shane change into his birthing gown, and then get onto the bed. With Shane sorted, he then starts on setting up the room with a white noise machine and electric candles. Having a calming environment to give birth in was very important to Shane. It was something he spoke with the midwife about when he was making his birth plan.
Ilya sends a message to David and Yuna, letting them know what is happening. They decided not to tell anyone else, wanting to stay in their own little private bubble.
Shane’s labour progresses slow and steady with contractions coming closer together and lasting longer. With the progression of labour also comes the increased pain. He rotates between lying on the bed or using the birthing ball the hospital provided.
“Here you go moya lyubov, you need to stay hydrated. It’s very important for you and baby” Ilya brings over Shanes favourite bottle filled with ice and water.
“Thank you”
“How are you feeling” Ilya moves to kneel in front of Shane.
“Ok until I have a contraction. Those hurt like hell”
“I hate when you are in pain Shane, it makes my heart so sad. I wish I could do more”
“Being here with me is everything. There isn’t anyone else I would want by my side Ilya” Shane pulls Ilya in for a kiss.
“I cannot wait to meet her Shane, to see her beautiful eyes and little nose. Oh and her perfect little hands and feet. Oh it’s too much to think about”
It’s just after 07:30 when their primary midwife arrives and comes in to check on Shane and the baby. “Both yours and baby’s vital are steady, your body is progressing well. You are about 2cm dilated which is perfectly normal for where you in your labour. The baby is head down and facing the right way, she is however just a little higher up than she should be. It’s nothing to be concerned about. How is the pain level when you are having a contraction. 0 being nothing and 10 being excruciating, the worst pain ever”
Shane breathes through the current contraction he is having. “7, ah maybe an 8” he mumbles as he grips onto Ilya’s hand.
“You are doing so well moya lyubov, i am so proud of you” Ilya says as he strokes some hair off his husband damp forehead, trying to comfort his as best as he can.
“Now Shane, I know that walking around and being able to move your body was really important to you during labour. The baby is healthy and happy, all your vital signs are good. If you would like to walk around to try and help baby girl drop that little bit then I would recommend it”
“Yeah okay”
With their midwife along to support and his husband there to hold onto like a lifeline,
Shane slowly waddles his way down the hallway. They are not far into the walk when Shane has his strongest contraction yet.
“Ahhhhh fuck, fuck” he moans out in pain.
“Can I touch your back Shane” his midwife asks
Unable to talk through the contraction Shane just nods, he wraps his arms around Ilya’s neck and leans into his husband’s chest, swaying side to side to try and alleviate the pain. His midwife starts massaging his lower back and hips the way she showed them during their appointments.
“I am so proud of you moya lyubov. You are so strong and brave” Ilya says as he gently kisses Shanes head.
“This really hurts Ilya” Shane says nearly at the point of tears.
“Im so sorry Shane, I wish I could take some of that away from you”
“I just need her out now” he pleads
“You’re progressing really well Shane. I know it can feel disheartening at times, but your body is doing exactly what it needs to to prepare to bring your baby into the world” his midwife reminds him.
“You are doing amazing Shane” Ilya adds
Once the contraction passes Shane continues his slow lap around the ward, taking breaks when he has a contraction. They make it back to the suite just as the pain in Shane’s lower back gets worse.
“Ahhhh fuck my back is killing me” Shane cries out, bracing himself on the bed.
“A warm shower can help with the pain, especially in your lower back. Do you want to try” the midwife asks.
“Will you come in with me please Ilya”
“Of course moya lyubov”
“Okay”
Ilya quickly heads into the bathroom to change into the swim shorts he is now grateful he packed. Having Ilya involved as much as possible in the labour was incredibly important to both of the men. He was Shane’s safe person, the person he loved most. Shane couldn’t fathom going through this without him.
“Oke Shane, I have the water heating up and the lights dimmed. Let’s get you in the shower”
Ilya walks Shane into the bathroom, helps him out of his gown and into the shower. Ilya positions the shower head to focus mainly on his husband’s lower back. Shane’s pained moans fill the bathroom.
“Lean into me moya lyubov , I’ve got you. You are doing so so well” Ilya brings Shane’s arms around his neck and gently rubs his back.
They stay like that for several long moments, just the two of them together sharing a moment so intimate and special.
“Can I come in please” the midwife asks through the door, wanting to respect Shane and Ilya’s privacy.
Unable to talk due to a contraction, Shane nods into Ilya’s chest. “Yes come in” Ilya replies for him.
“How are you feeling Shane”
“Tight” is all he can mumble out between moans. He gestures for the lower part of his bump.
“Can I touch around your belly. I would like to see if the baby has dropped at all”
Shane just nods again. Working through some breathing exercises as the midwife feels around the bump.
“Ok good news, baby is right where she should be.That is very exciting”
“I need to check to see how dilated you are if that’s okay”
Shane nods into Ilya’s chest
The midwife takes her time checking around inside shane. “Your at about 5cm dilated now, you are progressing really well”
“Oh Shane, I’m so proud of you. You are doing amazing” ilya kisses Shane’s forehead.
“Ilya i need to get back to the bed, I’m exhausted”
“Oke, let’s get you out of here”
With Shane out of the shower, Ilya works to dry them both off, get Shane back into his gown and himself into his sweatpants.
“One moment moya lyubov” Ilya undoes his cross necklace from his neck and moves to put it onto Shane.
“Ilya why are you taking it off, you never do” Shane asks confused.
“I like to think this necklace has provided me with love and protection since my mother passed. And I know she will be watching over us as you bring our baby into the world. She will protect both of you” Ilya says with tears in his eyes.
“Ilya, I’m so sorry she can’t be here to meet her” Shane gently wipes away the tears from Ilya’s face.
“She will be watching over her like a guardian angel” Ilya replies.
“Of course she will, and we will tell our daughter all about her babushka”
By the time Ilya and the midwife have Shane in bed, hooked up to monitoring machines and comfortable his cramps have subsided. Within minutes he is sound asleep, soft snores and the sound of hospital machines fill the suite.
“Whilst Shane is asleep, I recommend you
make use of the opportunity and do the same. I’ve got some paperwork to catch up on and some stuff to set up for later on, but I’ll still be close by if you need anything” the midwife reassures Ilya
“I don’t want to miss anything, what if he needs me” Ilya says as he looks over to his sleeping husband.
“Don’t worry dear, if anything changes I will wake you up straight away. Remember you can’t look after Shane if you’re not looking after yourself”
“You are very wise woman”
“This isn’t my first rodeo. Now get some rest that’s an order” the midwife chuckles as she quietly leaves the room.
Ilya sends a text to David and Yuna updating them of everything that has happened so far, and promises to keep them updated as Shane progresses. He then settles in on the day bed and falls asleep to the sound of the suite ambiance.
The sound of someone entering the suite has Ilya waking up immediately.
“Sorry I wasn’t sure if you were awake yet” the midwife says making her way over to Ilya carrying a coffee cup and a brown paper bag.
“Is Oke, how long was I asleep” Ilya asks looking over and seeing Shane is still asleep.
“Around 2 hours. I have been in several times to check on shane and the baby”
“Are they both ok”
“Yes absolutely. Here I have coffee and a breakfast bagel for you. You need to eat”
“Oh thank you so much” Ilya says gratefully, taking the coffee and bagel.
“My pleasure, I love to look after the whole family, not just the person who is pregnant”
“How long have you been a midwife” ilya asks as he starts eating his breakfast.
“Over 25 years”
“Wow that is very long time”
“It is, but I love it. There isn’t anything else I would want to do. Being trusted to help in such an intimate and special moment in someone’s life is such an honour”
“Shane and I are so grateful for all you have done for us. Having you here is very comforting”
“It’s my pleasure dear. You know I have worked with thousands of couples in my time, but it’s not everyday I see a couple with a bond like yours. Seeing the love you both share, the way you can communicate to each other without words. It’s truly beautiful”
“I love him so much, sometimes it’s scares me how much”
“I can see how much he loves you. Shane and the baby are both very lucky to have you”
The sound of a pained moan tears through the suite, immediately alerting Ilya and the midwife to the fact that Shane is awake.
Ilya is up and by Shane’s bedside immediately.
“Moya lyubov, what is happening. Are you okay” Ilya asks, eyes scanning over Shane.
“Con- contra-, contraction. Ahhh FUCK” Shane clutches at his stomach. “Ilya this fucking hurts”
“Shane I’m going to do an internal examination to see how dilated you are if that’s ok” the midwife asks
Shane can only nod as he tries to breathe through the intense pain.
“Okay you have progressed to 7 cm, the baby has started moving down the birthing canal. Your body is preparing to have this baby”
“Oh moya lyubov” Ilya leans down and gently kisses Shane.
“This really fucking hurts”
“Would you like to try and change positions on the bed, see if there is something more comfortable for you” the midwife offers
“I want to try to get on my hands and knees, see if getting off my back helps” Shane states
“Okay let’s get you moved around”
Ilya and the midwife work together to get Shane safely repositioned on the bed.
“How does that feel” Ilya asks as he uses a face towel to gently wipe the sweat off of Shane’s forehead.
“Sore. Ilya I’m in so much pain. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” A tears slowly start falling down Shane’s face.
“You can do this Shane, i know you can. You are the strongest person I have ever meet. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling right now but please know I’m so proud of you”
“This isn’t working Ilya, I’m so fucking sore. It feels like my insides are being ripped apart. And it’s so hot” Shane cries out.
“Would you like to get on the ball or we can get you in the bath”
“Ball, ball please. I need to move around”
“Oke”
Ilya and the midwife work together to get Shane off the bed and on the birthing ball, Ilya adjusts the air conditioning to make it cooler for Shane.
“How is that moya lyubov, more comfortable”
“Yes until another contraction comes. Those are hell” Shane pants out as he rocks side to side.
“That’s just means we are getting closer to meeting our baby. I still can’t believe it sometimes, we have a baby, half me and you. Our little family”
“I love you so much Ilya”
“ya tak sil'no tebya lyublyu”
Rocking on the birthing ball helps for a while, until Shane’s contractions start to become more frequent and the pain increases. He tries his best to breathe through the pain.
“I would like to check you again Shane” the midwife asks
“Yeah ok”
Once they get Shane back onto the bed the midwife gets straight into checking his dilation.
“Very exciting news. You are fully dilated and the baby is positioned right in the birthing canal. Your body and the baby are ready for you to start pushing very soon”
“Oh my god Ilya, this is actually happening” Shane looks at his husband, his expression clearly terrified.
“It is moya lyubov, I’m so so proud of you. Very soon we will be holding our daughter” Ilya kisses Shane tenderly.
“I will go quickly message your parents, let them know what is happening”
After shooting David and yuna a quick message, updating them of Shane’s condition. Ilya is back by Shane’s bedside. A friendly younger nurse has now arrived to assist the midwife with Shane’s labour.
“Ahhhhh FUCK” Shane moans out through a contraction. He is clutching onto the side of the bed, knuckles white from the pressure.
“Breathe Shane, remember like class” Ilya tries to help.
“I know how to breathe Ilya” Shane snaps back
“I know moya lyubov”
“I’m sorry, it just HURTS”
“It’s Oke, would you like to hold my hand”
“Yes. Ahhhhhh fuck” Shane grabs hold of Ilya’s hand with an iron grip.
“Okay Shane, on your next contraction I need you to take a deep breath, tuck your chin and push. Are you ready” the midwife asks
“Ilya I’m really nervous”
“Is Oke Shane, I will be right by your side. You will not be alone” Ilya kisses Shane’s knuckles
The sound of Shane’s pained moans announces the arrival of another contraction. The nurse holds Shane’s right leg up near his chest and Ilya holds his left leg up.
“Alright Shane deep breath and push. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 now stop pushing. Good job”
“Fuck, this hurts so fucking bad”
“Malysh I’m so sorry you are in so much pain” Ilya wipes the sweat off of Shane’s forehead with a face towel.
“Ahh fuck another one already” Shane yells out.
“Deep breath again Shane and push. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 and stop pushing. You are doing really well Shane” the midwife encourages.
Over the next 15 minutes Shane continues to push during the contractions, the pain is awful and he is exhausted.
“Ilya I don’t think I can do this anymore, I’m exhausted and the pain is horrible. I can’t do this” Shane cries
“Look at me Shane” Ilya moves himself down so he can look Shane in the eye.
“You can do this Shane, I know you can. You are so fucking strong. And you are so close now”
“Holy shit, I need to push again” Shane squeezes Ilya’s hand.
“Good ok. Big breath and 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. I can see babies head shane. Stop pushing”
“Oh my god Shane. I can see her head. She is right there. You are doing amazing” Ilya says teary eyed.
“On the next contraction I need you to really push Shane. We need to get the baby’s head out. I won’t lie it’s going to hurt”
“Ready” is all Shane says
“Deep breath and really push Shane. 1 2 3 4-“
The pain of pushing out the babies head has Shane screaming out in pain.
“5 6 7 8 her head is out. Stop Shane, stop pushing”
“Fuck Shane, you’re doing it malysh. She is so close”
“are you ready to push again Shane”
“Yes”
“Remember deep breath, chin to your chest and push. 1 2 3 4 5 6 stop Shane” the midwife urges. Silence falls over the suite.
“What’s wrong. Is the baby ok. Ilya what’s happening” Shane looks between the midwife and his husband, panic rising inside of him.
“The baby has twisted partially and her shoulder is stuck. I need to go in and manoeuvre her around a little so she can come out” the midwife replies.
“Will she be ok” Ilya asks, trying not to panic.
“Absolutely”
“I did this to here. I hurt her, this is my fault” Shane starts to cry.
“No, shane this is not your fault ok. These things happen and you did nothing wrong. The baby is oke. Please don’t cry”
“Ilya is right, this isn’t your fault Shane. Unfortunately it’s just something that can happen in labour. Baby girls shoulder is free now. On your next contraction you can push”
Shane continues crying, feeling horrible at the thought of hurting their baby in anyway.
“Please do not cry Shane, you didn’t hurt her” Ilya wipes away the tears.
It doesn’t take long before another contraction comes.
“Holy shit I really need to push”
“Good, listen to your body. Give me a nice big push” the midwife instructs
This time the pushing is incredibly painful, making Shane feel nausea.
“Fuck this burns. Feels like I’m being ripped open” Shane yells out. “Holy shit”
“Keep pushing, come on Shane you’re doing so well. Push, push. Yes, the babies shoulders are out. I need one more really good push and her body will be out”
“You can do this moya lyubov, she is right there. You are doing incredible”
Shane takes a deep breath and with all the energy he has left he pushes. He holds onto Ilya’s hand like a lifeline.
“She’s nearly there Shane, keep pushing, push. She’s out Shane, she’s out.You did it”
The sounds of a baby crying immediately fill the suite.
“Oh my god” Shane starts crying again as the midwife places the baby on his chest. Baby girl stops crying as soon as she is placed on Shane’s chest.
“Oh moya lyubov you did it. You are truly incredible Shane” Ilya says as his own tears fall. “She is perfect” Ilya just stares at the beautiful little bundle on Shane’s chest, placing his hand on her back next to Shane’s.
“She is. Hello baby girl, your daddy and papa love you so much” Shane kisses the top of her head.
“Hello malysh, we are so excited that you are here” Ilya kisses her on her forehead.
“The nurse will need to take the baby just for a short time to check her over and give her a little wipe down. We need to deliver this placenta and then I’ll get you cleaned up and comfortable and your baby back on your chest”
“Can she stay here for all of that” Shane feels the anxiety build at the idea of their baby being taken away.
“Absolutely, she will be just behind us”
“Ilya can you go with her please”
“Oke, you will be fine here da”
“Yes, I just don’t want her over there without one of us” Shane says, voice full of emotion.
“I will be there” Ilya watches as the nurse removes the baby from Shane’s chest and takes her over to the infant warmer to start checking her over.
It takes around half an hour for Shane to deliver the placenta. “You are very lucky to have no tearing Shane. That will make recovery a little better” the midwife does her best to clean up Shane.
As the midwife is finishing up, Shane looks up and sees Ilya heading towards him, holding their baby. The sight has Shane’s stomach full of butterflies. He had always thought his husband was hot, but watching him with their daughter had Shane feeling a whole new level of attraction and love for him.
Ilya kisses their baby on the cheek before gently placing her back on Shane’s chest. She only has a diaper on and a blanket over her back. Skin to skin contact was something both Shane and Ilya really wanted to do with their baby, to help with bonding.
“I love her so much Ilya. She is perfect” Shane rubs his thumb along her tiny hand that is clenched on his chest.
“She is moya lyubov, so incredibly perfect. Looking at her I can’t believe she is ours” Ilya takes a moment to look between Shane and their baby, his heart so full with love for his little family.
“Watching you bring our baby into the world was the most beautiful experience Shane. I fell in love with you even more than I thought was possible. I am so proud of you malysh. Thank you for everything you did and sacrificed for our family” Ilya moves in to kiss Shane tenderly. “You both mean everything to me”
Shane and Ilya take their time cuddling and loving on their daughter.
“Ok guys, do we have a name for baby girl” the midwife asks
Shane and ilya had spent months trying to find the perfect name for their daughter. They had decided on her first name, but hadn’t thought much about her middle name. Shane had a surprise he hoped Ilya would love.
“We do. Juliette Irina Hollander Rozanov” Shane’s says as he watches his husband’s face.
“Sweetheart are you sure” Ilya says
“Yes. I want to be able to honour your mother. It’s so important that Juliette grows up learning about both her babushka and grandmother”
“I love that so much Shane”
“That is a beautiful name” the midwife agrees
“It’s time to go to your papa baby girl, he has been so excited to cuddle you and give you kisses”
The midwife transfers Juliette from Shane and places her on Ilya’s chest. The second she is on his chest she snuggles her face in. Ilya just holds her and hums the same Russian lullabies he used to when Shane was pregnant.
“ ya tak sil'no tebya lyublyu” Ilya kisses the top of her head as he cuddles her.
When the time comes for Juliette’s first feed, their midwife helps guide Shane through it. Shane picks it up naturally and thankfully Juliette latches on well. Once baby girl is feed she goes down for a sleep in the bassinet next to Shane’s bed.
David and Yuna arrive shortly after with a bunch of pink balloons and flowers and a
gorgeous little teddy bear.
“Honey she is so beautiful” Yuna beams
“You did so well son, how are feeling” David asks
“So happy, but also tired and sore. I feel all over the place at the moment to be honest”
“That is completely normal, I was the same when I had you. You have been through a huge change physically, mentally and emotionally. It’s hard adjusting to your baby being out in the world instead of the safety of your belly”
“It’s nerve wracking because I can’t protect her the way I could before. But I also love that she can be here with Ilya. I don’t know if I’m even making sense, I feel like a mess” Shane admits.
“You are not a mess moya lyubov, you have been through a lot today. Is normal to feel all these things” ilya kisses Shane.
“What is her name” David asks.
“Juliette Irina Hollander Rozanov” Ilya says with so much pride.
“Oh that is beautiful” Yuna replies
“A beautiful name for a beautiful baby girl” Ilya states.
David and Yuna take turns holding Juliette before she starts becoming fussy. Shane feeds her again with the assistance of their midwife. David and Yuna leave shortly after, with promises of coming back the following day when Shane and Ilya are ready.
“Am I able to shower, I feel disgusting” Shane asks the midwife.
“Absolutely, just take it easy. There is a shower seat in there if you feel unsteady on your feet”
“ I will help you” Ilya is already up and by Shane’s side.
“I can do it. You need to watch the baby”
“I can watch her. I would prefer you don’t shower by yourself just yet Shane. Your body has gone through a lot today”
“Oh okay”
Ilya grabs Shane’s shower bag and a change of clothes for both of them,and heads off to prepare the shower. He then comes back and helps Shane very carefully walk into the bathroom.
“I’ve got it from here thanks”
“I don’t mind helping, i want to if I can”
“I’ll be ok, it’s only a shower” Shane says nervously
“Yes, but I want you to be safe”
“I will”
“Shane what’s wrong”
“Nothing” Shane says unconvincingly
“Its not nothing, something is clearly wrong”
“Nothing is wrong I just want to shower”
“Ok, I will just wait here incase you need anything”
“You should be with the baby incase she needs anything”
“She is in great hands with the midwife, I want to make sure you are okay”
“I don’t want you to” Shane admits quietly
“Why. Hey please look at me Shane” Ilya gently grabs Shane’s chin and brings his face up so he can look him in the eye.
“What’s wrong. Please tell me”
Shane takes a minutes to gather his thoughts.
“I feel gross Ilya and i don’t even want to look at myself right now. I know I look disgusting, my stomach and everything down there. I don’t want you to see me like this. It’s embarrassing”
The admission from Shane breaks Ilya’s heart.
“Shane you are not gross and you are certainly not disgusting. Your body has just done the most beautiful, incredible thing possible. You brought our daughter into the world, and I will never be able to express how grateful I am for what you have done for us. And yes your body has changed. But your body also grew, kept safe and then delivered one of the most important people in my life. I love this body so much, and I will continue loving this body for the both of us until you can too”
Tears fall as Shane moves in to hug his husband. Needing the connection with Ilya, Shane slowly kisses his husband, the moment their lips touch his head quietens.
“Can I help you undress”
“Yeah”
Ilya gently undoes the gown and pulls it off of
Shane’s shoulder and places it on the towel rack. He then helps Shane slowly remove the post birth underwear. Sensing Shane’s nerves, he places soft gentle kisses on his stomach.
“I love you so much Ilya”
“ya tak sil'no tebya lyublyu”
Ilya helps Shane get into the shower, he takes his time gently washing all over Shane’s body. Taking extra care around certain areas. Once they finish in the shower Ilya helps Shane dry off, put on another set of post birth underwear and then some loose pyjamas.
“How do you feel Shane” the midwife asks as they slowly leave the bathroom.
“Much better, how is Juliette“ Shane asks
“Very well, she is still sleeping”
“She is just like her papa. She loves sleep” Ilya jokes.
Later that night Shane and Ilya cuddle up together on Shane’s bed. Juliette is resting on Ilya’s chest and Shane is cuddled into his side.
“We should let the team know now and rose and svetlana” Shane says.
“Are you sure. We don’t have to yet if you don’t want to”
“Yeah I do, they are all apart of her family”
Ilya sends off a text letting everyone know that the baby arrived safe and sound, what her name is and that Shane is doing well. Almost immediately after the text is sent, Ilya’s phone starts going off with congratulations texts. He turns the phone off and puts it on the stand next to the bed.
“I have loved you through so many different phases of our lives Ilya, but this one is my absolute favourite” Shane says sleepily.
“I couldn’t agree more Shane” Ilya kisses Shane slow and tenderly.
Shane falls asleep soon after, Ilya just lays there with his daughter and husband soaking in moments he never thought he would get to experience. Feeling so incredibly grateful.