Work Text:
Kris groans internally as the bell tolls, signaling the beginning of class.
Unfortunately for them, their mom had to be there early to help with some . . . uh, teacher stuff? They didn't really know. They didn't really care.
All they knew now was that they'd been sitting at their desk for fifteen minutes, listening to the sound of their own breath.
All they knew now was that their favorite person was nowhere to be found.
Kris blushes a little as the thought enters their head. Psh, favorite person? Two weeks ago, she was your least favorite person.
They let their thoughts wander into more random stuff. I swear if I had a tail, it'd probably wag every time she was around. Thank the Angel I don't.
Tail . . . Susie has a tail. I wonder if it wags when she sees me? Wait, if she---
Kris shakes their head to clear out their thoughts. Why the hell am I thinking about her tail, anyways?
Alphys’s stuttery voice fills the room to begin class. Kris is tempted to fall asleep, as one usually does, yet they couldn’t risk not seeing Susie when she arrives. She's late, per usual.
While waiting, they pull out a notebook from under their desk and decide to draw. They weren’t, like, amazing at drawing, but they’d been told they weren't too shabby either.
Doodling mindlessly, they remember all those years ago, when Kris was the best artist between Asriel, Noelle, and Dess. The three were always begging them to draw them stuff. They became exceptional at drawing characters from Dragon Blazers 2, since at the time the game had just been released and they were all obsessed with it.
Even with all these feelings of nostalgia, there is still one person in the back of their mind: Susie. They couldn’t leave her out, no way! For her, they drew a big dragon with flames coming out of its mouth. Yeah, she'll think this is sick.
As they doodled, a thought kept pressing in the back of their mind. No matter what they did, it kept revolving around in their head. Shut up.
Well, whenever they had repeating thoughts, their old therapist had told them that they should write it down. Yeah, they should probably write it down, that would help!
So, in their neatest handwriting ever, they write it. In fact the handwriting is so neat, it’s unrecognizable from their usual chicken scratch. The only thing "Kris" about the writing is the way they write their letter "Es". They’re written in uppercase, in such a way that they resemble the Greek letter epsilon (ε). Noelle always tells them the way they wrote their Es was weird.
They wrote this, in the very corner of their notebook:
"I think I lovε you, Susiε."
They stare at what they wrote as the world goes silent. They feel their face slowly heating up. Their pen starts to shake in their left hand as their fingers start to tremble. Kris fights a smile that's slowly creeping its way onto their face.
Suddenly, they get the feeling that someone is watching them. They look up and a familiar purple monster walks into the room, staring at them. Kris’s eyes widen as they slap their hand hastily over their note. Fuuucking shit of course she’s here now.
After a brief conversation with Alphys, Susie walks to her desk, passing Kris. She nods to them, "'Sup, nerd?"
Kris gives her a sheepish smile in return, hoping and praying she doesn't notice their awkwardly placed hand on their notebook. Just keeeep walking, Susie. Nothing to see here...
"Oh, wait." Susie stops. Kris's anxiety skyrockets as her hand gravitates toward their notebook.
Ohshitohshitohshit please stop. Angel, it's me, Kris, if you could just help me out this once it’d---
Fortunately, her hand lands on the sketch of the fire-breathing dragon. "Cool drawing. Really got this bored without me here?"
"Thanks." Kris tries to maintain their stoic nature. They try not to let out a sigh of relief. ". . . yeah, was bored, I guess. Why’re you late?" Shit, great job Kris. Now she knows you noticed she wasn’t there and thinks you missed her. Probably will say something similar---
"What, missed me or something?" Susie grins. Yep, knew it. "Uh, just had some things at home to take care of, y’know how it is." She scratched the back of her head, avoiding eye contact.
Unfortunately, Kris knew exactly how it is. They gave her a sympathetic nod. "Y-yeah, I know it’s—"
Their conversation was interrupted by a stuttery voice that could only belong to one yellow lizard. "Uh, Kris, S-Susie? Could you guys keep it down? I, uh, can’t really teach with you guys talking, so . . . "
Kris and Susie flush with embarrassment. Susie mutters curses under her breath as she makes her way to her seat.
"Th-thanks, you guys. So, anyways, back in . . . "
Kris decides to tune her out and redirects their attention to their notebook. Ensuring that no one was looking, they slowly removed their hand from the note. The embarrassing yet very true words resurface on their page once again.
Shit, I need to get rid of this. Kris quickly tears the note out of their notebook, folds it up, and places it on the corner of their desk. I’ll throw it away after class.
Then, content that Susie was here, they lay back on their desk and prepare for their daily nap. Until, they feel a tap on their shoulder. They don’t even need to turn around to know what she’s doing.
Slowly, they reach their hand back and a note is placed in it. They close their hand and bring it close to their face, unfolding it slowly . . .
It’s a few doodles scribbled on a beat-up notecard. One is a fire-breathing dragon similar to their own. Another is a drawing of Susie eating Alphys’s chalk. The last drawing is Susie munching on Kris's hair, with a note below that reads "me if u keep usin that DAMN apple shampoo"
Kris smiles giddily at the drawings like a fucking high school girl and decides to add a few of their own. In blue pen, they scribble in another dragon picture, yet this dragon resembles Susie a bit. Another picture is of them biting Susie's hand, with a note in practically intelligible cursive that reads "me if u eat my hair..."
They didn’t really know why they wrote in cursive. Didn't know if Susie could read it. Didn't care either way. If she can’t read it, then I'll read it to her, they thought.
They reach back their hand and pass the note back to Susie. Kris smiles as they hear Susie chuckling quietly.
Suddenly, their smile falls as they redirect their attention to their desk. Oh, fuck. Fucking shit, where is it?
The note. The love note written about Susie—not for Susie, they’d never actually give it to her—was gone. It was on the corner of their desk, and now it's gone. Shit, must’ve knocked it off my desk when I was drawing.
FUCK. If she finds it, they’re dead meat. Wait, no, worse: she stops being their friend. And then, they’ll be alone forever and ever.
They need to find that note. They have to. Their life depends on it. Literally.
Kris whips their head from side to side, brushing their bangs out of the way in order to see better. No, no, it’s not there. Not here, either.
SHIT WHERE IS IT?!
Their heart is beating so fast. Too fast. They begin to hyperventilate, their breathing so fast they sound like they’re having a panic attack.
Their eyes darted wildly around the room. Kris looks around the floor, trying to be as subtle as possible so Susie doesn’t ask them about it later.
They try to be as casual as possible when looking at other people’s desks, to see if they might’ve snagged the note. That might be a worse situation than Susie finding it.
At every rustle of paper, they flinch and whip their head around to see who could’ve found it.
Yet the statement still stands: the note is missing.
They agonize over all the outcomes of this situation until the bell tolls once again, an interruption to their explicitly long period of torture. They nearly jump out of their skin at the loud noise.
"A-alright, class, it’s time for lunch. You may go outside to eat or stay here for the period." Alphys declares, shuffling around to sit back at her desk.
Kris and Susie always went outside; she hates being in the stuffy classroom more than anything in the world. Kris slowly stands up and looks around once more. The floors are bare. Someone must’ve found it.
Susie is out of her seat and nudging Kris. "C’mon, are you coming or what?"
"Wh-wha--?" They look up at her. They didn’t realize that they were still standing there, not moving an inch. " . . . oh, yeah."
She must’ve noticed the spooked look painting their face. "Uh, you alright, dude? Saw you glancing around all class like you were waiting for someone to attack you! Didn't think much of it at first, but you’re . . . shaking."
Shit. "Nah, I’m fine. Don't worry about it, Suz." Kris says, waving a hand in the air to attempt to brush it off. They struggle to maintain their stoic façade to mask their anxiety.
She places a hand on their shoulder. "You sure? Y'know you can tell me anything."
Kris looks away, their face heating up at the sudden physical contact. They breathe out slowly. "I know. I was just thinking about something. Doesn’t matter anymore."
She stares them down, as if waiting for them to crack under pressure. When they don’t say anything she sighs, dropping her hand off their shoulder. "If you're sure. Let’s go, I gotta show you something anyway."
"What is it?"
"I’ll show you when we get outside. Just get your lunch and we’ll go."
Kris nods and grabs their lunch from their locker. They try to ignore their sweaty palms and racing heart as they turn around to meet Susie. Without hesitation, she grabs their hand and begins pulling them outside. "Alright, let’s go, Dreemurr!"
They arrive at a shaded wooden bench beneath a giant willow tree behind the school—their usual spot to talk about nothing and everything at the same time.
To Kris’s dismay, Susie lets go of their hand when they get to the bench. She plops down there and pats the spot next to her, gesturing for Kris to sit down. They do, and open their packed lunch, courtesy of their mother.
Kris always shares their lunch with Susie, since she usually never has one. Once Toriel caught wind of this, she began to pack double of everything.
Kris hands an apple to Susie and she takes a huge bite out of it. Kris mutters, "So, what didya wanna show me?"
"Mmph," Susie hums, her mouth full of apples. She swallows before continuing, “let me show you."
She digs her free hand into her pocket and pulls out a very familiar looking note.
Kris’s eyes widen. N-no, that's not . . . It can't be! The universe can’t hate me that much.
She unfolds the note in front of them, and there it is in all of its glory. She shoves the note in Kris's face.
Yep, they knew that note all too well: the looping ink, the Es resembling the Greek epsilons, everything. Their eyes skim the words again and again: "I think I lovε you, Susiε." Kris forgets how to breathe.
They need to speak. Say something normal. "Oh, uh, heh," Kris cringes internally at themselves stuttering like Alphys, "that’s really something."
"Man, I know!" Susie’s cheeks turn a darker shade of purple as she grins sheepishly. "I’m so pissed I don’t know who it’s from, though."
"Do you recognize their handwriting?" Yeah, good save, Kris. The handwriting looks nothing like my typical chicken scratch. Kris’s neck hairs are standing up. Suddenly, it gets very, very hot.
"No, but it’s really neat." Susie pulls the note away from Kris’s face and studies it. "Plus, who writes their letter Es like that? That’s weird as hell!"
"Do you, um, have any idea who it could be from?"
"Psh, ’course not, dude!" Susie’s golden gaze scans the note over and over. "Man whoever wrote this note must be a real fucker to like someone like me."
Their previous panic is replaced by sharp disbelief. "Don’t say that!" Kris blurts out. "If someone doesn’t like you, then they should, like, fuck off, or something." Kris cringes internally. Wow, Kris, why don’t you just tell her that you love her, since that’s basically what you just said.
"Heh, thanks." Susie’s face suddenly twists into a teasing grin. "So you're saying that this note could be yours?"
Shit, uh . . . Kris is sweating through their sweater. She’s definitely joking, Kris! Don't take everything so literally.
"Uh, heh, yeah, like I would write something that mushy!"
"Y-yeah you’re right. I wouldn’t either." Her golden gaze is redirected to the ground, grin faltering slightly.
She looks . . . disappointed, in a way? Kris thinks, but why?
But they didn’t have time to process it. The heat under their green-and-yellow sweater was becoming unbearable; they couldn’t think straight.
Sweating through the fabric, they impulsively yank their sleeves up to let some of the wind relieve them of some heat. They didn’t do this often, since whenever they showed their forearms, their wrists were displayed. The same wrists that they tried to play tic-tac-toe on so long ago.
The air between them instantly shifted. Susie’s eyes dropped as their pale forearms were exposed to the bright and cheery sunlight. Her tough exterior crumbled for a fraction of a second as her gaze flicked over each mark. She knew of their old . . . habits, yet each time they were brought up, it made her squirm.
Yet, she chose to ignore the cuts and focus on why Kris pulled their sleeves up. It was unusual for them to do so casually. "Y’alright? If it’s too hot, we can go inside."
"Nah, I’m fine." Kris covers an arm with a hand. They forgot about them. They forgot that they make Susie uncomfortable. They forgot how much they hate when they’re brought up. They need to change the subject. Now.
A thought pops into Kris’s head. It’s perfect, yet it isn’t without sacrifice. As much as they love Noelle, their only move is to throw her under the bus. It’s a perfect cover for them, though.
"Do you think Noelle could’ve written it?" Kris mutters.
Susie clicked her tongue in realization. "Mm, yeah. Y’know, what, you're probably right, Kris." She took another bite out of her apple, this time not caring that she was chewing while talking. "Gonna have to ask her why she writes her Es all weird, though. It’s practically a sin to write ‘em like that!"
Kris nervously laughs, their throat tight. A cold sweat breaks out from under their collar. This poses a new problem. Great. Now I’ll have to tell Noelle about the note. ’Cause if Susie really asks her about it, she’ll notice the exact Es I write. She’ll look Susie dead in the eye and tell her exactly whose handwriting it really is.
They feel sick as bile rises up in their throat. Now they’ll have to find Noelle first and tell her about their crush. Which is a deeper level of weird due to Noelle’s same crush. Fuck, what an Angel-damned nightmare.
Internally, they groan. That’s a problem for future Kris. For now, they have a new question for Susie.
One that could make or break them.
Their hands feel clammy as they work up the courage to ask her. "Hey, uh, you ever decide about Noelle? If, like, you like her back or not?"
A while ago, Susie finally caught on to Noelle’s not-so-subtle crush on Susie. She hadn’t yet brought it up with her, but only time will tell.
"Mmm, I’m not sure I do." Susie mutters. "She's great n’stuff, but I’ve never really seen her in a romantic light." Susie liked Noelle a lot, but she couldn’t really see her in a relationship with herself. And, though she’d never actually admit it, she believed Noelle was too pure-hearted for her.
Besides, I like someone else.
Susie grinned sheepishly, yet she noticed Kris whip around to look at her for some reason.
"Who?"
A pit of panic forms in Susie’s stomach. "Wh-what do you mean?" No way in hell Kris just read her mind. No way.
"Suz, you just said that you like someone else. So, who is it?" Kris asked plainly.
Well, shit. I said that out loud, didn't I? There was no way she could tell Kris, though. "Uh, um, it’s no one you know."
"Oh, really?" Kris asks, a twinge of teasing in their voice. "You sure?"
Lie, Susie, Angel-damnit! "Yeah. Yes." Susie clears her throat. "It’s someone from one of my old schools."
Kris turns their gaze to the ground. "Oh. You still talk to them?"
"Yea, like, everyday pretty much." That’s not a lie, at least.
"You ever gonna tell ’em?"
"I . . . I hope someday I can." Susie mutters, brushing her bangs in front of her face. A faint blush creeps onto her face.
The bell tolls again, ringing in Kris’s ears to signal the next period. They want to cry, but not in front of Susie. She’d basically just destroyed all their courage to confess to her in one sentence.
But it’s okay. At least now they know.
Right?
Kris blinks back tears and packs up the uneaten food. They spent nearly the whole period talking that they hardly touched Kris’s lunch. They wait for Susie to jump off the bench and both walk back inside.
The good thing was that she never noticed it was their love note. And she never will know anything about it.
It hurts, but it’s necessary. Like pulling a splinter out.
Now, they need to seal the deal. Make sure she never suspects a thing. She made it clear she didn’t feel the same. Now, I’ll have to ensure she’ll never learn the truth.
｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
A few weeks later, Kris is slouched once more at their desk. It’s been . . . rough to say the least.
Their feelings for Susie have only strengthened and they don’t know how to get rid of them.
I thought after she said she liked someone else, they'd disappear! Kris thought. But ohhh no! They’re even worse than before.
They cover their face with their hands and internally groan. It’s fine. You’re fine. We’re fine. Just stop thinking about it.
It’s been hard to keep all their feelings bottled up. At any point, they were afraid it’d all spew out unprompted. Which could totally fuck up their relationship with Susie forever.
To ensure Susie’d never connect the love letter to them, they could never write their Es like that ever again. Every time they take notes, they force themselves to erase and rewrite their Es the standard way. Hopefully, the habit sticks and they wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. It’d disappear along with their feelings for Susie.
As much as they were sure Susie’d never trace the note to them, they still internally spiraled about what would happen if she did find out.
They try to forget the note and redirect their attention to the notebook placed in front of them, doodles of dogs and different species of flowers they remember from their Dad’s shop littering the edges of the page. They were trying to tune out whatever topic Berdly was trying to explain to the whole class, as if he was the teacher.
Eventually Alphys stops him, per usual, so she can move on with the lesson.
Ugh, I’d rather be doing anything else. Like, going to the Dark World with Susie and seeing Ralsei. The thought put a momentary smile on their face. Wait, yeah, maybe during lunch Susie and I can sneak out and pay a quick visit! No one would ever find out, right?
A smug grin grows on their face as they tear out a small piece of paper from their notebook. On it, they scribble down, "wanna snεak out during lunch to hang out @ castlε town w/ ralsεi? "
Unfortunately, Kris never did realize they wrote their Es the same way they did on the love note. They passed it back to Susie all the same and never had a second thought about it.
Susie grabs the note not-so-subtlely from Kris’s small hand and unfolds it. As she reads the note, something catches her eye. Her first thought is, Damn, why does Kris write their Es like that? Who the fuck would write them that way?
Suddenly, her eyes grow wide. Wait, they kinda look like . . .
She grabs the love note out of her jacket, studying it with her golden gaze. She doesn’t know why she still has the letter. A little piece of her hoped it came from . . . them.
And she might’ve just been right.
Although the handwriting is completely different from Kris’s, the letter Es are written the exact same way. It has to be theirs.
A giddy smile is painted across her face, one that she hasn’t done in a long while. Her face grows hot. She scribbles down an answer to pass back to them:
"sure dude. and i got somethin to ask u later too."